Just before me and Luke had our second conversation (this one!) I listened to him in (a podcast-) conversation with Eyal Shay on pain, which made me curious.

‘Pain is generally a signal that contains information worth listening to, worth parsing and figuring out ‘Well, what is it trying to tell me?’ Because if you figure that out, it's more likely that you're not going to have it again.’ ~Luke

My experiences with pain are luckily not even close to what Luke’s gone through (lucky for me, that is), but pain, and everything else we experience and feel, are most definitely signals. For us to pick up on, or not, as is the case with most (everyone?) who ‘burn out’.

Luke identifying with being a Helper, possibly both by trait and conditioning, learned to carry burdens way too heavy for him, and as a result, developed a chronic disorder which has caused him a lot of pain.

‘Shared burdens really make it easier for everyone.’ ~Luke

And I wonder… sitting here, juggling all the contents of a life, what with family and friends, work and free time, if perhaps the message contained in lots of the pain that we – you, me, us – experience, is that we should be asking for help. For assistance. Cooperation and collaboration. Instead… we are amplifying our pain by trying to go it alone, struggling, fearful of asking for help, shaming ourself for being needy, weak, sub-standard.

And everything I do, causes a ripple effect.

If I hold it in, contain the pain, try to deal with it myself, perhaps self-medicate, turn to exercise, drugs, gambling, sex, anything at all, to dull the pain. It ripples.

If I don’t hold it in, letting my pain out in such a way that I, in turn, inflict pain on others… It ripples.

‘What I do ripples and what I don't do ripples.

How I show up ripples, how I don't show up ripples.

It's like positive and negative space. There's the things I do, but then there's the stuff I don't do, that's kind of the negative space on a painting or something. And those [negative spaces] could be really impactful as well.

What do I put my focus on?

How am I addressing people and when and why, and when don't I?’ ~Helena

Questions worth pondering, and perhaps when you tag along with me and Luke as we dive into this and much more, you’ll receive a morsel or two of tankespjärn that’s just what you need right this moment.

Links:
Find Luke Aymon on Twitter
The Deep Dive podcast with Eyal Shay and Luke on pain
Top Gun: Maverick in 4DXand the original
Twin Peaks, the originaland the TV-series
Atlanta
The NYT shifts their stance
Yuval Noah Harari, author of Sapiens
Laura Tucker
Episode 48. Gifting is an indication that you want to be in community
Ishmael and Daniel Quinn
#skolvåren (Swedish website)
The legacy of tankespjärn?!
...more on tankespjarn.com.

33. The entanglement of grief and gift | with Inma & Matthew

Tankespjärn with Helena RothBy Helena RothDec 07, 2021