A single suburban father (Kevin James) works at a mall as a security guard to make ends meet, and he takes his job very seriously, even though most of his colleagues and customers don't. As the holidays approach, Paul gets his moment to shine when Santa's little helpers shut down the mall down and take hostages, including his daughter and girlfriend. He realizes no one knows the place better than he does, and he mounts his trusty steed, a Segway, and goes to the rescue.
Can any dino-experts please inform us on the scientific consensus as to whether the Pachycephalosaurus head contained coconut milk? Jake would like to know. Advice from close-minded anti-milk "scientists" will be disregarded.
[Heads up: we refer to this episode as #11 multiple times because this was recorded in September, before our plans for the Halloween special were finalized. So just ignore that.] ANYWAY, in this episode Jake and Mezrah listen to audio clips from a super-secret project, and discuss Jake's made-up religion; Obsolism. Buckle up, this one's a bumpy ride.
Do you even read the descriptions? Jake and Mezrah hired me to write these but they don't ever stick to one topic so I just sit here listening to the episodes over and over for hours trying to make sense of the madness and I don't even know if it's worth doing. My life is a joke. If you're reading this then that means they didn't even bother to proof-read what I've written for this episode which only confirms that they don't care. They don't even pay me minimum wage and they say that if I report them to the government then they'll fire me which I'm not even sure is legal but I need the money to pay for my kid's medication, so really what can I do? Fuck it. Just listen to the goddamn episode, I can't be bothered.
We talk about the most ridiculous conspiracy theories and why people might believe them. THIS EPISODE IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE INTERNATIONAL ASSOCIATION FOR LIZARD PEOPLE AND OTHER INTELLIGENT REPTILES™ (IALPOIR).