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Tessa and Elliot Argue

Tessa and Elliot Argue

By Tessa and Elliot
Like to learn about the crazy stuff that happened this week? Tessa and Elliot Argue finds bizarre news headlines and stories to share with each other, while giving you a look into their marriage.
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Meteorologist Warns If You Eat Icicles, You're Eating Poop

Tessa and Elliot Argue

Women Are Actually Happier With Less Attractive Men
Does anyone ever look here?
May 9, 2021
How Many Surfaces Does Your Cat’s Butt Touch?
The number will surprise you!
May 2, 2021
Taco Bell will start reusing hot sauce packets
I'm going back to bed...
April 25, 2021
Elon Musk has the tech to build a real ‘Jurassic Park’
He better build it, all I'm saying.
April 11, 2021
26 questions to get to know someone
We found an online questionnaire and decided to do that this week instead of our normal episode, slow news week for us. 
April 4, 2021
Priest Faces Felony Charge After Allegedly Having Sex With Dominatrices on Altar
Back at it again with news headlines from this week.
March 28, 2021
Scientists want to send 6.7 million sperm samples to the moon
Thank you for listening as always, go to Elliot's Twitter to vote in this week's poll questions at Elliot_Argues 
March 21, 2021
Japan’s Gun Laws Worked So Well They Need to Ban Crossbows
We also go over some poll results from last week's show!
March 14, 2021
Iowa Man Faces Up to 65 Years in Prison for Forging Postage Stamps
We try something new this week, throughout the episode we ask poll questions, head on over to my Twitter and give your opinion to my stupid questions, please. Follow the link right HERE!! Thanks for listening, we'll be back next week with a new episode as usual.
March 7, 2021
DoorDash Spent $5.5 Million To Advertise Their $1 Million Charity Donation
Back at it again with another round of news stories we've found from the previous week.
February 28, 2021
Vanity license plates Ohio rejected in 2020
One of those “weird” episodes this week. Give it a listen, it gets funnier the further in, I promise.
February 21, 2021
Teen reunited with pet rooster lost at Alabama Cracker Barrel after Civil War reenactment
It's our two year anniversary! Crazy to think we've been at it this long, but here we are, and thanks for tuning in.
February 14, 2021
The Newlywed Game, with Rick and Caroline
This week Tessa and I mourn the passing of our cat Dexter, he was truly the best for us. Instead of a regular episode we bring you the newlywed game we played with Tessa's brother Rick and his wife Caroline, enjoy and we'll be back to normal next week, celebrating two years of TEA.
February 7, 2021
Jealous Wife Stabs Husband After Seeing Her Younger Self in Old Photos
Back at it with stories from this week we found interesting, as well as a debate on which fast food chain has the best chicken sandwich. Also check out my new podcast I Just Finished, please.
January 31, 2021
First Preserved Dinosaur B-hole is 'Perfect' and 'Unique'
We are back, and back to a regular episode, talking about odd news we've seen from this week.
January 24, 2021
The One Hundredth Episode of TEA
Can't believe we've gotten to episode 100, and in 100 weeks time as well. Thanks for listening, we tried something a little different this week because we felt like it, back to regular episodes next week, only 4 episodes away from our two year mark.
January 17, 2021
Meteorologist Warns If You Eat Icicles, You're Eating Poop
One away from the big 100. 
January 10, 2021
Bodybuilder faces heartbreak as sex doll wife tragically breaks
Happy new year, thanks for giving us a listen, and we'll be back next week as we make our way to 100 episodes and almost two years of weekly podcasting. 
January 2, 2021
Illegal winery busted at Alabama town's sewage plant
As always, thanks for giving this a listen to, we're pretty close to episode 100, only a few weeks out now.
December 27, 2020
Christmas Extravaganza!
This week we go off the rails and have Tessa's brother Rick and his with Caroline join us to talk Christmas. Things get dark quick...
December 20, 2020
A Recipe for Seduction, erotic movie starring Mario Lopez as Colonel Sanders
Uploading this the night before, really, pushing it this week kids. Thanks for listening, come back next week.
December 13, 2020
France says ski resorts can open, but no lifts allowed
To tired to write anything clever, come back next week, we're not going anywhere.
December 6, 2020
Wife blows thousands on vet bills after husband blames his farts on the dog
Making up for last week's shorter episode with a much longer one. As always thanks for listening, come back next week
November 29, 2020
School asks parents to stop throwing late students over closed gate
Per usual, thanks for listening, come back next week, we'll be here
November 22, 2020
Sir, this is a Wendy's drive thru
We are back with funny headlines we've found from the previous weeks' news cycle.
November 15, 2020
The 36 Questions that Lead to Love
Something a little different this week, where we step away from the news headlines during this election week and focus on ourselves instead. 
November 8, 2020
Detroit woman says she woke up to pastor peeing on her on plane
Things go off the deep end towards the end of this week's episode, so heads up. I actually cut about 15 minutes from the ranting that went on if you can believe it. As always, thanks for listening, leave a review if you haven't and tell a friend about our podcast!
November 1, 2020
‘Kissing the Coronavirus’ erotica novel goes viral
If you have a second give us a review! As always thanks for listening, and tell a friend about the show.
October 25, 2020
'Murder hornets' invading US are about to enter 'slaughter phase'
As always thank you for listening, be sure to check out our other podcast, Adaptations Awry, where we take a look at a book and the movie it was adapted from.
October 18, 2020
Couple refuses to stop having sex at grandmother’s funeral
Back once again with odd news headlines we've found this week.
October 11, 2020
Carson Wentz gets booed despite having no fans in the stadium
Back once again with stories we found interesting from this week's news.
October 4, 2020
YouTuber livestreams himself taking poop on Nancy Pelosi’s driveway
Back to normal, for now, with odd stories from this week's news.
September 27, 2020
Adaptations Awry, Goosebumps
This week we are playing the first episode of our new podcast, Adaptations Awry, where each episode we read a book, then watch the movie or tv show episode that it was adapted into. The first one we took a look at an older Goosebumps book, The Haunted Mask, perhaps the most classic of goosebumps books, and then watched the tv show episode. If you like what you hear then follow the podcast proper, you can do so by clicking the link HERE. Back next week with a regular episode about the funny news headlines we find from that week.
September 20, 2020
Taking One for the Team
We return with more headlines we found amusing this week. 
September 13, 2020
Eat the Rich
We're back to talking about news stories we've found since we last recorded.
September 6, 2020
Who's the A-Hole?
We are once again joined by our friend Michelle to play some more Am I the Asshole? from Reddit.
August 30, 2020
Am I the A-Hole?
This week we had our friend Michelle on to talk about a couple of am I the a-hole posts from reddit.
August 23, 2020
Woman Renews Driver’s License Receives ID with Photo of Empty Chair
Listen as we each bring a list of funny news stories we've found from this week.
August 16, 2020
Dynamite in car turns out to be a beef stick
words. I don't know...
August 9, 2020
Trump’s Doctor Says Sex With Demons Makes You Sick
She says a whole lot of other stuff as well, listen to find out more. Thanks for Listening, thanks for reading this...
August 2, 2020
After 75 episodes we finally argue, for real
I was going to title the episode How lockdown made men lust after their Amazon Echo, but after 75 episodes I figured it was time to actually argue. Also I did zero editing of the argument so you can choose who is right and who's wrong, and if you ask me, there is a correct answer.
July 26, 2020
Whale blasts ungodly amount of butt ham onto divers
And that's the pc title in case you were unsure what kind of podcast this is. We also talk about what it would take for Tessa to ok a threesome. Thanks for listening.
July 19, 2020
Navy to sailors: Please stop buying LSD online
Super thicc boi for everyone today, we do ramble a bit at times this week, but I left in most of the funny parts!
July 12, 2020
One in three pilots in Pakistan have fake licenses
Fun episode this week. Big shout out to my guys Jason and Jeff from the Film Soliloquy Podcast, check them out HERE Other than that, thanks for listening, tell a friend.
July 5, 2020
Same show, new direction
Or is it? Listen to find out.
June 28, 2020
Deaf man sued Pornhub for not providing closed captioning
This week we talk about odd news stories we’ve seen from the past week. We also give an update about how we’re going to change the podcast moving forward. Elliot makes a mistake about calling Tessa Jabba the Hut. Tessa talks about her depressing childhood of being forced into summer school when she didn’t really have to go.
June 21, 2020
Conversation Starters
Once again the news of the world is not very funny, so we spent this episode looking up conversations starters. Topics include Tessa crapping her pants in front of my mother, imaginary friends, and more!
June 14, 2020
Anti-porn filters stop Dominic Cummings trending on Twitter
We wanted to take a moment with all the stuff going on this week to say we support Black Lives Matter, and to go to to help educate yourself. Episode #68, one away from the perfect number, which is of course 67.... Will you understand my rant today is meant for humor, or do I need to explain that I'm joking like Tessa tells me I should. I think you're smart enough to get it, she doesn't, boo Tessa. Sorry for the cat this week, he means well, and he's cute as hell so I kept it in. Be sure to tell a friend about our show, and thanks for listening.
June 7, 2020
Mother sends son to buy groceries, he returns with wife
Sorry for the hours late upload, I had forgot that I didn't do that earlier in the week, but here it is! I also forgot what I was going to write here. Pretty good episode overall, enjoy. And if you tell a friend about the podcast we would thank you!
May 31, 2020
Everyone Likes Goth Girls, Right?
Everyone except Tessa. We're back to weird news headlines this week and all is right with the world.
May 24, 2020
The Hodge Podge Episode
3 different segments this week. A music video that must be heard, and not seen; list of what you can do to show someone you love them; and a round of would you rather guest starring Tessa's brother and sister-in-law. Back to our regular formula next week, hoping the news because funny instead of just a let down.
May 17, 2020
Never Have I Ever, Quarantine Edition
Special episode this week. Rick, Tessa's brother, and his wife Caroline join us for a round of never have I ever, asking quarantine based questions. If you listen real close, you can hear which of us gets drunk about 5 minutes in.
May 10, 2020
Mom Drinks Sperm Smoothies to Fight off Corona Virus
If the title doesn't give it away, it's a pretty tame episode. Elliot's here... Tessa tells a story about her mother-in-law.
May 3, 2020
First Known Case of a Person Who Urinates Alcohol
Elliot also ranks his uncles, Tessa talks about a sheep named Pickles.
April 26, 2020
Amy Schumer changes son Gene Attell's name
Back to our regular format of talking about weird new stories we've found from this week!
April 19, 2020
How well do you know Tessa and Elliot?
We take a break from the funny news, as if there is any in this current pandemic. And We focus on ourselves, so sorry to bum you out but this is a Tessa heavy episode. 
April 12, 2020
Our Drunkest Episode Yet
We've both been stuck in the house for over a week because of Covid-19 Both of our job have suspended until this horrible pandemic starts to go away. We decided to have a few drinks before recording this week's episode. We also videoed the episode, so you can watch and listen if you want, follow the link! Stay safe and healthy everyone!
April 5, 2020
We sink to new lows
We've finally become desperate. This week we had Scott and Jeff from Budget Arcade on the show. You may have heard us talk about them in past episodes, and now they're here for you to hate on as well. Visit their site to see their podcast, website, discord and read some of their game reviews. I'm also on that show too! 
March 29, 2020
Company Debuts Sliced Mayonnaise
Sounds delicious. Much shorter episode this week, you're welcome. Tessa continues her attack on the future of sex robots, it's happening whether or not she likes it. A new publisher creates a Kama Sutra, but it's from an unlikely company. 
March 22, 2020
Welcome to my TED Talk
We went on a roll this week and didn't stop. We do the same amount of stories, but for some reason we went extra long this week. Apparently we both needed to vent. Tessa and serious issues, Elliot about how much he hates Disney Castmembers. As always you can leave us a review on your platform of choice, itunes, more or less, or by visiting
March 15, 2020
Snake orgy forces officials to close area of park
We also talk about the 10th highest paid athlete, and you'll never guess who that is. McDonalds has a brand new item that also makes zero sense. And remember you can always rate our podcast by going to
March 8, 2020
Stop playing Secret Hitler
What is it? Who is secret Hitler? Also Does a moldy burger make you want to eat one? Thought so. Tessa hates Alabama, still. We also talked about an old fake car commercial, go give it a watch, it’s very funny.
March 1, 2020
The Mandela Effect
What is the mandela effect? Why doesn't Tessa care? We also talk about Lil' Markie, no he's not an up and coming rapper. Watch the video here to get a taste of this guy, it's worth watching. We also get our stories this week from Scott, who hosts the Budget Arcade podcast!
February 23, 2020
We did it! Mission Accomplished!
Feel free to think of the George Bush Mission Accomplished meme. We've gone a whole year, 52 episodes! If you've ever listened we want to thank you for taking time out of your day to give us a listen. What a long strange trip it's been for us the past year making TEA, and this week's episode is no different. This episode is chock filled with great headlines this week. And now we're well on our way to 100 episodes!
February 16, 2020
The News Game Show No One Asked For
This week we have Rick back to play a news related game show with Tessa.
February 9, 2020
Australia is screwed, and now you can be too!
Find out how you can both get screwed inside this week's episode! Tessa still won't let the soy sauce thing die.
February 2, 2020
If you know us, don't listen to this one
Might be a good one to skip if you're related, know who we are, or have ever come into contact with either of us. Truly embarrassing, but we were on a deadline to get an episode out so we did. Highly explicit this week. Tessa gets really excited about soy sauce as well. As always you can rate our show at
January 26, 2020
Body Builder Set to Marry His Robot Girlfriend
All kinds of out of context stories this week.
January 19, 2020
How can Monopoly get any worse? Find out!
Thicc episode for ya this week! Sorry the sound is once again not up to our normal quality, but it is better than last week I promise. You can rate the show anytime at
January 12, 2020
An All Family Episode of TEA!
Tessa' dad and brother join us for this week's episode. So sit down around the fireplace with the kiddos* this week and give Tessa and Elliot Argue a listen as Elliot tries to say the most embarrassing thing he can think of in front of his father in law. *Family episode does not mean family friendly*
January 5, 2020
'Stop having sex with my hedge' man's desperate plea to drunken louts
Elliot gives all the headlines this week. Tessa talks about how she's probably killed her school fish during this winter break, and we give the top Florida Man headlines from the year. Happy new year everyone!
December 29, 2019
Can a Mother use her dead son's sperm to have grandchildren?
We're not even trying to hide it at this point, we're off the deep end. Listen to find out the answer, along with other crazy headlines on this week's episode.
December 22, 2019
People still eat the onion
We got a lot of feedback about the last episode we did were we talked about people falling for fake news. So we did it again. Also it's been an odd couple of weeks for us, so this was quick and easy to do.
December 15, 2019
Julia Roberts to play black abolitionist Harriet Tubman?
Yep. Real story, just like all the rest! We're back from our vacation and back to the crazy real stories that happen every day.
December 8, 2019
Which Disney couple are we?
We answer that question, Tessa gets upset about it. Also we talk about how many STDs James Bond probably has.
December 1, 2019
People who ate the Onion
This week we did something a little different. The stories are fake, but people fell for it. 
November 24, 2019
You can eat fried chicken that tastes like girl's feet
Yes, it's true. Just another odd fetish of Tessas. We give other bizarre stories. Listen after the credits to hear a deleted scene from a previous podcast.
November 17, 2019
In Addition to Being Pointless, Gender Reveal Parties Are Now Deadly
We cover a lot of crazy news headlines this week. Check out for more.
November 10, 2019
Florida man arrested for having sex with stuffed 'Olaf' at Target
How old is to old to trick-or-treat? Should inmates in jails be allowed to operate zoo? These questions, and more get answered on this week's podcast.
November 3, 2019
10 out of 10 dentist say toothpaste goes in your mouth, not your hoo-ha
Yep, women are putting toothpaste in that one place they shouldn't> We get a little spooky with Ouija boards, we talk dead raccoons in McDonalds. Also the sound is odd in places. Sorry. Come give us a listen or visit our site for me stuff we post
October 27, 2019
Man had 3 inch tweezers stuck in urethra for 4 years
If you found that title uncomfortable, then the rest of the episode doesn’t get any better, perhaps our most awkward episode yet.  We talk about mushrooms that kill on contact, hot tubs at fairs going south, and fish who can breathe outside of water. As always we have more stuff on our website,
October 20, 2019
We talk about Channing Tatum's scrotum...Sorry
This week we talk about dominatrixes taking over for therapists, Channing Tatum’s scrot, and people putting potatoes in places they shouldn’t. Find more of our stuff at
October 13, 2019
KFC tries to solve it's Popeyes chicken problem, with donuts
Does this new sandwich/donut combo do it for you? Tessa gives us the story about why clowns scare her. And we end with a really creepy story about a 22 year old women pretending to be a child.
October 6, 2019
What actually went down at Area 51
We tackle the hard hitting questions about area 51. Also women are going topless everywhere now and we try to answer why. There's other news stories in here too.
September 29, 2019
CDC warns people to stop making out with this animal...
Kinda gross, but people love to kiss animals. We talk about knifes made from poop, sex robots doing more harmful things. Overall it’s kinda a dark episode, sorry about that. Tessa talks about how her co-worker is a part of the 42% of Americans that are not the brightest.
September 22, 2019
Goodbye ring card girls, hello fight progress managers
We made it to episode 30! I never doubted it, but Tessa did, probably. This week we talk about a husband who’s making life to easy for his wife, it’s not about me. Robots are taking more jobs away, this time from the adult industry, and watching out for wayward turds on hiking trails.
September 15, 2019
The sad story of the actual Chuck E. Cheese
Learn the actual history of Charles Entertainment Cheese, as well as people who want pray hurricanes away while others want to blow them up with nukes. Find more at
September 8, 2019
Taco contest goes wrong
We talk about a tapioca theme park, old people being gross, and Stanford AI creating creating gaydar!
September 1, 2019
Woman pulls gator from yoga pants
She also had 21 turtles in a backpack. Elliot admits to shooting Tessa in the foot with a paintball gun, on accident, maybe. How many days should you be allowed to wear the same pair of underwear? And we have a promo for the Drive With Us Podcast, check them out if you like us you might like them, at . We're always at 
August 25, 2019
Study shows humans are racist, against robots!
The episode goes off the rails pretty quickly.  More stories about women putting things in places they don't belong. Elliot gets upset that his grandma sends birthday cards to Tessa but not him. Tessa shares how she somehow has never seen The Matrix. All of that and more insane stories we share with each other.
August 18, 2019
What causes people to be gay? We found the answer!
We solved it! Well, a couple of stories this week try to solve it, which one do you think is true? Elliot also goes on a terrible ramble that I did not edit out because I was to lazy, but maybe I should have? Let us know.
August 11, 2019
Doctors are baffled at women who keep doing this!
What could it be? It's not good, trust me. We have a follow up about iguanas being hunted, as well as detours that are insane. Also this is a super thicc episode, sorry, unless you're into it, then you're welcome! Elliot tries to get personal, it doesn't go well. And we dedicate our show to some friends, listen to find out who! 
August 4, 2019
Meth claims another victim, Alligators
We have an animal heavy episode this week. Gators, penguins, and whatever the heck an emu is. We also share stories of high school, roller coasters, and 77 year old men. 
July 28, 2019
Who is Florida declaring war on now?
How many people do you think a cannibal could get away with eating before he was caught, the number is shocking. We have all kinds of other headlines to talk about this week as well. Life guards who are fired for doing their jobs, poems that are landing people in jail, just to name a few. 
July 21, 2019
The weirdness of twins, and things you should not do in gyms
This week we went on vacation! But we still brought you an episode, the pilot we made when we were thinking about making a podcast. It's a little different than the average episode we make these days, but still funny.
July 14, 2019
Jersey is being terrorized by 100 feral chickens!
Chickens, drinking and canoeing, and piles of manure exploding are just a few topics we talk about this week. As always you can find more of our stuff on our website
July 7, 2019
Ever thought about having your funeral at Disney?
We talk about millennials destroying another industry, Elliot's favorite Taylor Swift song, and a woman who's actual name is Marijuana Pepsi.
June 30, 2019
Shocking: Men in public pool restrooms are super weird!
It’s an odd episode, lots of crazy news headlines this week for us to share.
June 23, 2019
Our Most Vulgar Episode Ever, Sorry
The episode started with an apology from Tessa and by the end we go off the deep end. Lotta strong language in this one, please be warned. But it is funny? I hope...
June 16, 2019
Florida Man VS Poland Man: the Game (the Podcast)
We have a our first guest! Our friend Brody, trust us, he's hilarious, comes on to play a game Tessa created that we're calling Florida Man VS Poland Man: the Game (the Podcast) The title is a call back, high school musical, the musical, the series, Get it? Anyway the title kinda gives away the premise, but we had a lot of fun doing the episode. Also, please don't keep track of the scoring. 
June 9, 2019
Ted Cruz wants to save us from space pirates, for real.
Sure, Space Force isn't really a thing, yet. But Ted Cruz really wants to make sure we're ready for the inevitable space pirates that come along with it. We also talk about swimming trunks that are made to hide a certain something, and who wants to marry a Mormon millionaire!
June 2, 2019
China wants to crack down on strippers at funerals, what gives?
 We have all kinds of stories to share. So many we didn’t get to all the ones we said we would talk about (next week I swear!). We also argue about how Tessa did not help much when we moved, she is very lazy. She doesn't read these so I can say whatever I want. 
May 26, 2019
What happens when you swallow an Air Pod?
That is just one of the many questions we answer this week.
May 19, 2019
Just Crazy Headlines
We only do headlines this week, but still have some good laughs. We get closer to actually arguing with each other, one day, one day.
May 12, 2019
The 1904 Olympic Marathon might be the craziest thing you don't know about
I love every episode we do, but this honestly our best one yet. You will not believe the story of the 1904 Olympic Marathon. There are so many crazy things that should not have happened. So crazy that after we do our headlines, it’s the only story we focus on this week. 
May 5, 2019
Bachelorette Parties from Hell and Snack Food Robberies
No Endgame talk here! We also made it to ten episodes. To celebrate we actually argue, sorta. This week we talk about people stealing a thousands of dollars worth of one product, bet you can’t guess what it is. Tessa shares a story about a bachelorette party in Vegas, that sounds like anything but a good time.  As always you can visit our website we blog a couple of times a week about all kinds of things.
April 28, 2019
Our longest, most controversial episode yet!
 A lot of firsts this week for us! First call in to the show, thanks Scott! First 30 plus minutes long. I cut a bunch but there was still a lot of good stuff I just felt like I had to keep in. All the normal stuff is here as well, headlines, Florida man, you name it. Elliot and Tessa talk about childhood memories, Tessa shares about a really cool Instagram girl, Jessy Taylor, she’s not that cool. For some reason Elliot calls out a lot of people, for a lot of different reasons. As always you can see and hear more on our website We blog 3 times a week about all kinds of things we are doing, watching, reading, you name it. 
April 21, 2019
Eating Legos, airplanes, and kranch
 Yes, people ate all of those things in this week's episode. We also talk about a handful of other dumb headlines, as usual. Elliot also gives a  story about swallowing something he shouldn't have. Tessa talks about her favorite condiments. As always you can find more of our stuff on we blog 3 times a week, Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
April 14, 2019
Bathroom exorcism, soda melting tongues, and April fools jokes
As always, we talk about some crazy headlines, did you know China hides its' submarines in the ocean? Tessa talks about one woman's attempt at an exorcism of coworker. Elliot talks about just how bad drinking energy drinks all day every day is. We also discuss some of this years April fools jokes.  Find all of it at our website Cover art By George Igel
April 7, 2019
Renaming the Golden Corridor and shower knives
We talk about naming contests for art, that’s not really art, I get defensive about Funyuns not being chips, stop trying to make that happen Tessa, weird things to give up for lent, American vs foreign movies and why I have a shower knife. We helped form a podcast network, Little Grey Boy podcast network, find some of their bumpers in the mid roll! Cover art by George Igel, more at 
March 31, 2019
Ghost marriages and Florida mayors
We talk a lot about ghost marriages, and a lot about the movie Ghost, neither of us have seen the movie. And how Florida has the worst mayors.
March 24, 2019
Anti-vax parents and crazy bus drivers
We give headlines that made us laugh, talk about anti-vax parents being more crazy than normal, bus drivers who have had to much, and we talk a little about our youth.
March 17, 2019
Gorilla peepers and walking off the job
We give headlines for stories that didn't quite make it for us, talk about people in gorilla costume being creepy, and just how bad working conditions have to get before an entire staff of a restaurant will walk off the job.
March 10, 2019
Show revivals and alternative cooking methods
We talk about a show revival we are both thrilled about, and alternatives to cooking chicken you should try!
March 3, 2019
Twitter rants and toilet bombs
In which we talk about what it takes to be a beautiful woman, and when you gotta go, you gotta go.
February 24, 2019