Skip to main content
The Church Absurd - The Unholy Archives

The Church Absurd - The Unholy Archives

By The Church Absurd

Welcome to the archive of The Church Absurd. From 2018 to 2019, Reverend Jess and his cast of guests spread the gospel of absurdity. Everything from conspiracy theories, fake news, cryptids, movies, and even provided a soapbox for people who live with Occupational Torment. This podcast is not for the religious, the easily offended, or the faint of heart.

- All segments written by Reverend Jess.
- All editing done by Reverend Jess.
- Recorded in The Fat Chapel.

Special Thanks: Lonnie King, Rusty Cage, RPM, Anthony, Altar Server Portajohn and Cardinal Chris.
Available on
Apple Podcasts Logo
Google Podcasts Logo
Overcast Logo
Pocket Casts Logo
RadioPublic Logo
Spotify Logo
Currently playing episode

#43: The End

The Church Absurd - The Unholy ArchivesDec 21, 2021

00:00
20:36
#43: The End

#43: The End

Jess burns down the church after two years of waiting. Special appearances by former guest RPM and superfan Clell. This is how it ends. The after show may continue, but The Church Absurd proper is dead. Thank you for all the years of support.

Written by Reverend Jess
Recorded by Reverend Jess
Edited by Reverend Jess.
Dec 21, 202120:36
Lonnie's Paradise

Lonnie's Paradise

From the new album from Lonnie King: Songs In The Key of Bigfoot!
Feb 19, 202104:23
Little Lonnie Man

Little Lonnie Man

From the new album from Lonnie King: Songs In The Key of Bigfoot!
Feb 19, 202104:06
In The Woods Tonight

In The Woods Tonight

From the new album from Lonnie King: Songs In The Key of Bigfoot!
Feb 19, 202105:38
Crash Test Lonnie

Crash Test Lonnie

From the new album from Lonnie King: Songs In The Key of Bigfoot!
Feb 19, 202104:04
Mountain Road

Mountain Road

A new track from Lonnie's album.
Feb 19, 202102:41
RJASS #3: Updates and Where Have We Been?

RJASS #3: Updates and Where Have We Been?

Giving you guys an update and playing a never before released segment! Follow us on Anchor! 

Mar 17, 202026:12
The Sound of Sasquatch

The Sound of Sasquatch

Final version. Full album coming soon.
Mar 07, 202004:16
THE CHURCH ABSURD #42: I'll Never Go To Africa Again (The Shitty Version)
Aug 11, 201901:08:17
RJASShow #2: Papa Desi's Double Postal Penetration ft. Vince Desi of Running With Scissors)

RJASShow #2: Papa Desi's Double Postal Penetration ft. Vince Desi of Running With Scissors)

Interview starts at 7:40

Jess interviews one of his personal heroes: the creator of the Postal games, Vince Desi of Running With Scissors.

We talk the rabid fan base RWS has, the comedy of the Postal games, stories from the set of Postal: The Movie, RWS' current projects, a possible Krotchy side scroller, Postal shovels being made, the fate of the VR game in development, and the infamous Postal rubber phallus.

Follow the RWS Twitter: @rwsbleeter
Follow Vince: @vincedesi
Buy the games and the mousepads:
runningwithscissors.com
Thank you, Vince. This interview meant the world to me.

TIMESTAMPS:
- Intro: 0:00
- Interview Start: 7:40
- How does it feel to still have a growing fanbase 15 years after Postal 2?: 10:35
- Analyzing the two sides of Postal and the comedy of Postal 2: 13:30
- The original thought process behind the comedy and how it would play in today's society: 14:10
- A fan's special email and the merch of RWS: 19:00
- The mindset of RWS' fan interaction: 20:23
- RWS' honesty with Postal 3: 22:00
- The mindset of Postal 2: Paradise Lost: 23:35
- Fate of the VR Game 26:30
- Postal 4 when? 28:04
- The importance of the Postal game yesterday and today, Vince's run-in with the WSJ, and owning the bad press: 30:03
- The original vision for Postal: The Movie: 37:00
- The cancellation of Postal 2: The Movie: 40:36
- Postal, The TV Series?!?: 41:52
- Postal Shovels for Sale?: 44:03
- The Postal Dildo: 45:50
- Fun Stories from the set of Postal The Movie: 48:55
- Does Vince still have the Krotchy suit?: 52:03
- Krotchy: The Side Scroller: 54:38
- Thanking Vince for everything: 56:52
- Vince Says Goodbye and Go Dildo!: 57:25
- Jess' Final Thoughts: 59:57
Jun 08, 201901:04:34
THE CHURCH ABSURD #41: Calm The F*ck Down, NASA
May 27, 201901:34:41
THE CHURCH ABSURD #40: To Marco, With Love
May 03, 201901:02:21
THE CHURCH ABSURD #39: Is It Big, Mom?
Mar 30, 201901:04:35
THE CHURCH ABSURD #38: Leave Jeremy Alone, Satan!
Mar 16, 201901:00:48
THE CHURCH ABSURD #37: Live from Hell (Season 2 Premiere!)
Feb 01, 201901:06:58
After Service Show #1: Conspiracies, Wrestling, and Bohemian Rhapsody w/ El Jordano Diablo
Jan 31, 201901:37:41
THE CHURCH ABSURD #36: A Church Absurd Christmas (Season Finale)
Dec 24, 201801:24:03
THE CHURCH ABSURD #35: The Little Piglet and The Narrow Urethra
Dec 14, 201801:11:03
THE CHURCH ABSURD #34: Suzie, The Donkey Lady
Dec 07, 201801:25:38
THE CHURCH ABSURD #33: Fisting The North Star (Ft. Chris' Mom and Jason From Small Town Monsters)

THE CHURCH ABSURD #33: Fisting The North Star (Ft. Chris' Mom and Jason From Small Town Monsters)

Time for a banger. We got Jason from Small Town Monsters pimping his craft. We got Chris' mom reading AxCx lyrics. We got an in depth discussion on the NPC and Simulation Theory. We got a thing on WTFU that almost makes Jess puke. All this and more!

Pick up any of the Small Town Monsters docs on home media at shop.smalltownmonsters.com!
Follow them on Facebook and Instagram for the current updates!
FB: Small Town Monsters
IG: @small_town_monsters
And check out the official STM Podcast: Monstropolis on all major pod platforms!

What Made Jess Nearly Puke (18+ NSFW):
efukt.com/22290_Most_Vile_Girl_On_The_Internet.html


THE CHURCH ABSURD is available now on all the podcast apps as well as iTunes, Stitcher, Soundcloud, Google Play, and Tunein!

Join the congregation! Follow us on Twitter and Facebook @thechurchabsurd!

Please rate and review us to help us spread our shows!

All products promoted on The Church Absurd are made by FalseCo: Real Products For A Fake World.

Send your hate mail to The Church Absurd through FATLULZRADIO@gmail.com


#creepy #cryptids #conspiracytheories #nsfw #murraystateuniversity #stupid #impressions #4chan #serialkiller #truecrime #memes #morgue #stupid #florida #comedy #bigfoot #podernfamily #podcast #podmafia #underdogpodcasts #follow #applepodcasts
Nov 23, 201801:39:02
THE CHURCH ABSURD #32: Not Anymore
Nov 16, 201801:03:19
THE CHURCH ABSURD #31: Oh Say, Can You See?
Nov 08, 201801:05:52
THE CHURCH ABSURD #30: The Sh*t On A Shingle Halloween Special
Oct 31, 201801:13:11
THE CHURCH ABSURD #29: I Call It Mental Telepathy w/ Cardinal Chris
Oct 03, 201802:08:12
THE CHURCH ABSURD #28: Turn It Off. Turn It Off Now.
Sep 27, 201801:21:36
THE CHURCH ABSURD #27: S-S-S-S-S-Snakes!
Sep 18, 201801:25:39
THE CHURCH ABSURD #26: F**k Murray State
Sep 04, 201801:37:49
THE CHURCH ABSURD #25: Please Don't Jerk The Monkey

THE CHURCH ABSURD #25: Please Don't Jerk The Monkey

The terrible trio look at Spring Heeled Jack, the Son of Sam letters (in impressions), a "virtuous" pedophile, more Dr. Phil, and the Cringe Corner gets personal. Also, as a special treat for the 25th episode, Lonnie debuts another hit from his album! Segments Include: UNHOLY BEASTS - Spring Heeled Jack -  Human Ape Hybrid experiments - Spooky Story Time: tEh FAt GhoST WTFU -Impressions Game: The Son of Sam Letters - A "Virtuous" Pedophile Cringe Corner - "No! I Don't Wanna Get A Job!" - A Real Life Letterkenny Skid ( https://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=w-TGBgIBlq4) - Personal Cringe: The Grammar Gang Punctuate That Sentence! (https://youtu.be/lagsR-cD_EU) - "Bigfoot On My Property" by Lonnie King - After Service Reception THE CHURCH ABSURD is available now on all the podcast apps as well as iTunes, Stitcher, Soundcloud, Google Play, and Tunein! Please rate and review us to help us spread our shows! All products promoted on The Church Absurd are made by FalseCo: Real Products For A Fake World. Send your hate mail to The Church Absurd through FATLULZRADIO@gmail.com
Aug 19, 201801:33:10
THE CHURCH ABSURD #24: Goodbye Horses
Aug 14, 201801:32:36
THE CHURCH ABSURD #23: The Unfortunate Tale of Porta-Jonathan
Aug 06, 201801:36:29
THE CHURCH ABSURD #22.5: How I Learned To Start Worrying And How Badly We Need Deacon Sam Back

THE CHURCH ABSURD #22.5: How I Learned To Start Worrying And How Badly We Need Deacon Sam Back

This was the attempt at episode 23 but Reverend Jess was tired and we didn't have Deacon Sam back. It is absolutely stupid. We apologize and assure you that the other episodes are better.

SEGMENTS INCLUDE

Unholy Beats
- Dover Demon

Cringe Corner
- The Juggalo Ryda Spectacular

All products promoted on The Church Absurd are made by FalseCo: Real Products For A Fake World.

Send your hate mail to The Church Absurd through
FATLULZRADIO@gmail.com

FAT LULZ RADIO is available now on all the podcast apps as well as iTunes, Stitcher, Soundcloud, Google Play, and Tunein!

Please rate and review us to help us spread our shows!


#creepy #cryptids #conspiracytheories #nsfw #flatearth #whowasphone #serialkiller #truecrime #lallorona #morgue #boomdeyada #florida #comedy #it #philcollins #bigfoot #machoman #obama #podernfamily #podcast #podmafia #underdogpodcasts #follow #applepodcasts #movies #videogames #vault606 #xbox #playstation
Aug 04, 201801:03:10
THE CHURCH ABSURD #22: Putting The "Boom" In "Boom De Yada" w/ RPM and Designated Drinkers

THE CHURCH ABSURD #22: Putting The "Boom" In "Boom De Yada" w/ RPM and Designated Drinkers

Reverend Jess and The Fickle Fanboy team up for this week's service to talk Mexican Weeping Women, good old American preacher homophobia, and a man who has a relationship with inflatable animals. Also, Jess brings on Tom and Karlo from The Designated Drinkers podcast to talk shadow people and road ghosts.

SEGMENTS INCLUDE

Unholy Beats
- La Llorona

- The Midnight Game

- Listener Stories: Road Ghosts and Hat Men with Tom and Karlo from The Designated Drinkers


WTFU:
- Christian Fear Mongering: A Righteous Government

-Boom De Yada:
www.facebook.com/970408256344946/videos/1145842352134868/

Cringe Corner:

- Inflateable Animal Love

- Lightning Round: Soundcloud Rapper's Thrift Shop Parody


-Lonnie Sings Phil Collins
-Outtakes

Check out The Fickle Fanboy at @theficklefanboypodcast

Check out Designated Drinkers at designateddrinkers.podbean.com

All products promoted on The Church Absurd are made by FalseCo: Real Products For A Fake World.

Send your hate mail to The Church Absurd through FATLULZRADIO@gmail.com

FAT LULZ RADIO is available now on all the podcast apps as well as iTunes, Stitcher, Soundcloud, Google Play, and Tunein!

Please rate and review us to help us spread our shows!


#creepy #cryptids #conspiracytheories #nsfw #flatearth #whowasphone #serialkiller #truecrime #lallorona #morgue #boomdeyada #florida #comedy #it #philcollins #bigfoot #machoman #obama #podernfamily #podcast #podmafia #underdogpodcasts #follow #applepodcasts #movies #videogames #vault606 #xbox #playstation
Jul 22, 201801:28:50
THE CHURCH ABSURD #21: "Looks Like Pre Chewed Gum" with RPM

THE CHURCH ABSURD #21: "Looks Like Pre Chewed Gum" with RPM

This week, Reverend Jess brings Altar Server Jonathan back to the Fat Chapel and Deacon Sam is missing in action, so we call upon the all knowing Fickle Fanboy himself: RPM, to join us in the absurdity of Japanese monsters, kids who attempt comedy, the importance of cleaning your new tattoos, and the only real Super Saiyan.

SEGMENTS INCLUDE

Unholy Beasts:

- The Teke Teke

- The Sacred Riana
youtu.be/kzEQNDNaSXA

- The Dogman Returns!


WTFU:
- The Last 40 Days of Junko Furuta

- Infected Tattoo Draining youtu.be/50yfro_biR8

Cringe Corner:

-Super Saiyans Are Real!

- 6 Year Old "Comedian"

Blast Session:
- Parents Who Put Their Kids on TV by Altar Server Jonathan
- Easily Offended People by RPM
- Deacon Sam by Reverend Jess

-After Service Reception
-Outtakes

All products promoted on The Church Absurd are made by FalseCo: Real Products For A Fake World.

Send your hate mail to The Church Absurd through FATLULZRADIO@gmail.com

FAT LULZ RADIO is available now on all the podcast apps as well as iTunes, Stitcher, Soundcloud, Google Play, and Tunein!

Please rate and review us to help us spread our shows!

Check out The Fickle Fanboy with RPM on Soundcloud, iTunes, Google Play, and all your favorite podcast apps!


#creepy #cryptids #conspiracytheories #nsfw #flatearth #whowasphone #serialkiller #truecrime #tinder #morgue #westfieldwatcher #florida #comedy #it #stephenking #jerseydevil #elliotrodger #obama #podernfamily #podcast #podmafia #underdogpodcasts #follow #applepodcasts #movies #videogames #vault606 #xbox #playstation
Jul 14, 201801:29:48
THE CHURCH ABSURD #20: The Occupational Torment Special At Vault 606
Jun 29, 201801:33:05
THE CHURCH ABSURD #19: Look At It!

THE CHURCH ABSURD #19: Look At It!

This week, we look at Betty and Barney Hill, disturbing news stories, cringy singing competitions, have a Blast Session, and Sam doesn't understand when something is too soon.

SEGMENTS INCLUDE:

UNHOLY BEASTS AND BLASPHEMOUS THEORIES
- Betty and Barney Hill
- Stephen King's New Book

WTFU
- Worst Tinder Date Ever
- Magic: The Stabbing
- Westfield Watcher

Blast Session

The Cringe Corner
- Spank Me Santa
- WB Superstar USA


- Lonnie Sings
- Conclusion
- After Service Reception

All products promoted on The Church Absurd are made by FalseCo: Real Products For A Fake World.

Send your hate mail to The Church Absurd through
FATLULZRADIO@gmail.com

FAT LULZ RADIO is available now on all the podcast apps as well as iTunes, Stitcher, Soundcloud, Google Play, and Tunein!

Please rate and review us to help us spread our shows!


#creepy #cryptids #conspiracytheories #nsfw #flatearth #whowasphone #serialkiller #truecrime #tinder #morgue #westfieldwatcher #florida #comedy #it #stephenking #jerseydevil #elliotrodger #obama #podernfamily #podcast #podmafia #underdogpodcasts #follow #applepodcasts #movies
Jun 19, 201801:36:14
THE CHURCH ABSURD #18: You See Them Stains On There?
Jun 11, 201801:42:22
THE CHURCH ABSURD #17: I'm Coming For You, Jesus!
May 30, 201801:25:00
THE CHURCH ABSURD #16: I'm Talking 'Bout End Times
May 23, 201801:40:57
THE CHURCH ABSURD #15: There's A Blue Wiener.....
May 09, 201801:41:08
THE CHURCH ABSURD #14: Give Yer Balls A Tug

THE CHURCH ABSURD #14: Give Yer Balls A Tug

This week, the toxic trio talk Hodags, ghost hunts with show superfan Trobi, revisit Albert Fish's letters, check in on some Cringe Corner favorites, and play 2 Lies, 1 Truth.

SEGMENTS INCLUDE:

UNHOLY BEASTS AND BLASPHEMOUS THEORIES
- Hodag
- Turnbull Canyon
- Guest Ghost Stories: Trobi's Graveyard Adventure

WTFU
- Canadian Elliot Rodger
- The Imitation Game: Albert Fish Revisited

Cringe Corner
- Bev And Bob Revisited
- Mine Diamonds
- ﹰRapping ﹰFor ﹰJesus
- Christian Side Hug

GAME TIME: 2 LIES 1 TRUTH

- CONCLUSION
- AFTER SERVICE RECEPTION
May 02, 201802:03:16
THE CHURCH ABSURD #13: A Close Second To The Worst Episode Ever
Apr 25, 201801:06:16
THE CHURCH ABSURD #12: Worst Episode Ever

THE CHURCH ABSURD #12: Worst Episode Ever

This week, we see what happens when Jess and Sam drink Canadian whiskey. It's an exercise in bad taste. We talk Agogwe, see how much more disturbing we can make the Toy Box Killer tape, revisit the cringy Juggalo rapper, and tell some lies.

SEGMENTS INCLUDE:

UNHOLY BEASTS AND BLASPHEMOUS THEORIES
- Agogwe
- Party Sex Dolphin
- The Truth About George W.
WTFU
- A Group Of Celebrities Channel The Toy Box Killer
- 911 Call: My Chimp
Cringe Corner
- Juggalo Rap Revisited
GAME TIME
- Two Truths and Lie
Outtakes
Apr 18, 201801:24:52
THE CHURCH ABSURD #11: "I've Been Leaving Bananas For Them" with Lonnie
Apr 11, 201801:47:58
THE CHURCH ABSURD #10: It's Ya Boy
Apr 04, 201801:45:50
THE CHURCH ABSURD #9: Maregasm
Mar 28, 201801:39:43
THE CHURCH ABSURD #8: Fruit Is So F*****g Sexy
Mar 21, 201801:38:26
THE CHURCH ABSURD #7: The Legend of the Ghost Puncher
Mar 14, 201801:16:49
THE CHURCH ABSURD #6: Homies In Wiscawnsin.
Feb 28, 201801:24:30
THE CHURCH ABSURD #5: "I'm Into Charlie" with Altar Server Jonathan
Feb 22, 201801:25:09
THE CHURCH ABSURD #4: Sterile and Dead: The Story of Patheticus.
Feb 15, 201801:43:27