The Good MILF

Listen as Crista documents all the ins/outs, predictions, and trends for 2024 because, well, she fully predicted Kanye and Kim's marriage in 2010 just by watching that one episode of Kim and Kourtney Take New York; knew her exes (2010, 2014, 2018, 2021) were lying just by that stupid ass look they made with their faces; correctly guessed the 2021 Kentucky Derby and Super Bowl winners; and one time in Vegas, stood next to a random man at a Craps table, made friends, and dictated the correct bets to him for 17 straight rolls.  In true male fashion, the Vegas random didn’t listen to her at all... and ended up losing his fun money.  Sorry, not sorry.  We’re taking care of business first, so if you’re into International Economics, you’ll want to strap in for this one.

Times

Business First: 1:03

Pop Culture: 17:00

"Sorry, I'm late. I'm a mom and *humble brag* a PhD student." Listen as Crista gives a quick life update and even quicker synthesis on why women are better hunters, the failings of the Man the Hunter theory research (and any research completed through a patriarchal societal lens), and most importantly, why Las Vegas is one of the most incredible places on earth. And before any of you men start talking sideways about this episode... just know... Gomez Addams would never.

Join us as Crista chats with the very talented musical artist Shateish, hailing from Virginia's vibrant music scene. Her distinct tone, mesmerizing voice, and clever wordplay along with a fusion of blues, soul, and east coast hip hop sound waves, produced by Raw Koncept's NOTTZ, sets her apart from the rest of the crowd. Crista and Shateish touch on the many hats women wear, the undeniable alter ego all women have tucked away until the time is right, and her journey through music that has brought her sound to where it is today.

Phew it only took 420 days to upload a new episode and this week’s episode is about small-town Texas boy turned Special Warfare Operator for the US Navy Seal Team 6… but it comes to a complete stop when Aaron Howard is accused of catfishing women.  After a full investigation, no evidence of photos, even not being in the country when some of the texts were sent to the victims, passing TWO polygraph tests, and a list of plausible theories on why he was targeted as a PNG (Persona Non Grata: an unacceptable or unwelcome person) Aaron was still removed from active duty.  Aaron still claims his innocence but gives us a timeline of the series of events that led to his discharge from the U.S. Navy, what he is doing now, and what his plans are for the future.  A real whodunit because at the end of the day someone did send those text messages to the victims.  If it wasn’t Aaron, who was it?  Do you think there is more to the story? Will we ever find out?  Where’s Nev and Max when you need them?

If he doesn't call you back, is flaky, has bad skin, or has fucked up eye brows.... you may be dating a meth head or a catfisher.  Listen as Crista and Josh discuss ethical dilemmas, when it's best to mind your own business, and good samaritan laws.  Josh shares his irrational yet rational fear of medical staff checking out his package and being the victim of compromising selfies while he's knocked out under anesthesia.  

Josh is also a girl dad and shares how his life completely changed when his daughter was born and how his parenting skills are inspired by his brother.  Learning by example is the ultimate master class.  Crista shares her favorite type of curriculum that is similar to the 'unschooling method' and how Elon Musk utilizes similar learning strategies for his five to seven children.  We aren't sure how many kids Elon has.. but Josh and Crista talk about a potential Tesla robot army, war in the the social media era, crypto, and of course conspiracies. Check out Josh Thomas' new show EXCLUSIVELY on Spotify - Homegrown: The Podcast.

Join Crista as she gets into mom mode with 17-year old Showcase 757 Grand Prize Winner Kashout PFK.  They discuss the use of music as an outlet for a variety of emotions; when he started to take music more seriously (hint: age 8 or 9); where his inspiration comes from; how he almost got lost along the way; and he even helps Crista with a Good MILF parody rap song.  Don't worry Kashout, writing credits were added.  The biggest takeaway, while not even old enough to vote, Kashout has experienced life in a way no child should have to ever experience life, but for a lot of Black American children, it is a reality.   Kashout talks about the murder of his parents, tiptoeing the line of gangs & illegal activities, and how his sisters helped him realize he was meant for more than death or jail.  

*Kashout PFK's song, "Ready to Blow" is featured during this episode.

One of the interviews in the two-fer for this week includes Celebrity Makeup Artist, Creator, and CEO of Pretty Girl Makeup Christina Flach.  As Crista's daughter gets sassier and sassier she is looking for all the mom advice she can get.... Just her luck, in walks a Super Mom.  Armed with advice, tips, and how-to's on life, mom duties, post-traumatic growth, raising kids that make good decisions, and her infamous green juice Crista walks away with a notepad full of resources.  They share stories about their families, grief, recovery, and honoring the lives of the ones that pass on.  

*Christina was married to gold medalist and world champion tennis player, Ken Flach.  In 2018, he died after a very accelerated bout of sepsis that derived from a cold.  Like most situations... always trust your intuition.. especially when it comes to your own health and advocacy.  

CODE: PRETTYGIRL for 25% off at www.prettygirlmakeup.com

www.ChristinaFlach.com

@christinaflachmakeup

@prettygirlmkup

Knowing how to use your feminine energy as your weapon of choice is a great resource to have in your toolbox. That goes for you to men.  Feminine Energy is about intuition, nurturing, being, experiencing, receiving, and compassion.  When you are thrown into an unstable survival mode (masculine energy) you can not thrive.. and when you don't thrive in your environment you don't feel sexy.  So, what will it be??? Embrace our feminine energy to be in a perpetual sexy mode or be out of balance and not sexy?  How do we embrace our feminine energy.. well you have to listen to find out, buttttttt here's a hint: Emotional Intelligence.

Also, Crista shares a sure-fire why to catch a cheater. 

Ever want to be a fly on the wall at someone else's first date?  Well here's your chance.  Crista convinced one of her Hinge matches to have their date on The Good MILF podcast.. interview style.  Everyone meet Jay.  Originally they were supposed to talk about yin & yang; oral sex; giving and receiving; fake love; and the formula for complementary opposites.  However, Jay from Hinge can be kind of an asshole. Like Ye level asshole, but he's also a feminist.  It's all about balance people.  Listen as Crista weaves in and out of his spider web and Jay discovers that Crista's Hinge matches either become experiments or colleagues...  he quickly offers up his services.  Good Bye Cerebral. Mama's got a new therapist.  I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.  or not. You'll find out at the end. 

Spooky Season is over?! Not if the Good MILF can help it, but first hear about the roller coaster rides of the various dates she's had over the past two weeks; where she rates her hinge dates like amazon reviews.  This will be an ongoing segment as we move forward because it is just as exhilarating as it is traumatizing identifying new red flags, green flags, and modernizing dating advice based on very true first-hand experiences.  Crista explains when to enact the phases of friend-zoning; what the phases of friend-zoning are; and why we don't compliment a specific type of man. In this episode, we also learn various ways to gain perspective and guidance from zodiac signs, planets, and birth charts.  We learn if karma is actually a bitch by identifying where Saturn is in our birth charts and then checking on our exes to see how those dishes were served.  MOST IMPORTANTLY, we learn about "The Grand Penile Configuration" (birth chart/dick size experiment - hint: give 1 inch for each placement and then add an inch for each testicle).  Also, 11/11 make a wish. 

10/10 Portal and SPOOKY Season is here!! Get ready to fly on The Good MILF’s broomstick for an insightful episode where sexual anthropology meets science, history, religion, the metaphysical, and the mystical.  In this episode we discuss cults; the best way to pick an ex-husband; witches; past lives; true crime; stereotypical gender norms; Mercury retrograde; toxic energy; Crista’s manifestation for her dream man; animal hierarchies; Adam, Steve, and Lilith; sprinkle in a pinch of emotional baggage and childhood trauma; and this cauldron is bubbling and brewing to defeat the patriarchy and social norms everywhere. 

Talking Points & Minutes 

• Life Update (Intro) 
• I Met a Witch/Past Lives Tarot Reading at 2:15 
• Toxic Family Dynamics & True Crime: Wife Swap at 8:50 
• Survival of the Fittest: Animal Kingdom at 15:20
• The NEW Alpha Male at 21:10 
• Mercury Retrograde and World News at 35:25
• Adam, Eve, & Lilith: Power vs Control in Toxic Relationships at 40:55

Everyone's favorite dad is back!! Carlos Spicy Weiner, who was originally the anonymous male perspective from Episode 6, in this episode, he shares his thoughts about being a second-time Dad with a baby born during the COVID-19 Pandemic; tells us about the trials and tribulations when it came to fulfilling his wife's pregnancy cravings at a time when most grocery stores were out of stock of every fucking thing; storytime about his mom and Mother's Day; and specifically how he failed to mention that he ever got married. Carlos also enlightens us with his secret to a long, lasting, happy relationship (spoiler alert: pick your battles), how witty banter is arousing and erotic, and why certain pet nicknames are just off-limits. To close the episode, Crista and Carlos share awkward WTF parenting moments.  Be ready to laugh and cringe all at the same time.

The good old days... you know what I'm talking about.. You're in your early 20's not a care in the world except what clubs you were going to go to over the weekend.  In this episode, Jenn and Crista reminisce about living in Japan and all the shit they used to get into while trying to have fun and fall in love.  Hear about how Crista used to pick up guys in bars and her infatuation with Cinderella, why they had to pretend to be some guy's relatives when his girlfriend showed up at his house, how a Grammy-nominated hip hop group helped them confirm that Jenn's ex was lying to her, more insight and perspective on the classic "What are we?" question, and other cautionary tales about life and love.

Sada Abe was forced to work at a brothel at the age of 17.  Spending her next years in and out of prostitution, she met the love of her life, Kichizo Ishida.  However, he was married and a womanizer.  Listen to Crista's first true crime episode on one of the most famous murders in Japanese history.  

The Psychological Diagnosis of Abe Sada (1937) - "Abe is an example of the dangers of unbridled female sexuality and is a threat to the patriarchal system."

Ango Sakaguchi (1946) - "Sada Abe is a tender, warm figure of salvation for future generations."

Hoshikikusui (1952) - Sada Abe receives a "model employee" award.

This week Crista is joined by the Psychedelic Princess herself, Shanoon Occean.  Shanoon is the creator and host of The Wolf Portal Podcast.  Crista wanted to get in touch with her metaphysical side, so she asked Shanoon to zoom in and discuss spirituality, dreams, parallel universes, meditation, ethereal philosophies, and psychedelics.  Buckle up and enjoy the trip.  Pun intended.

In honor of Women's History Month - Join Crista as she travels the globe in 30 minutes in search of badass and not very well-known women from history.  Meet Tomoe Gozen, Lozen, Nieves Fernandez, Dahomey Amazons, and Grace Sherwood.

Get your mind out of the gutters, you degenerates.  It's Crista's first podcast threesome with two dudes.  Meet Mario & Luigi.  Both will remain anonymous for various reasons, but here's a fun fact.  Luigi is also known as Experiment 210.  Experiment 210 was this hot guy (think Matthew McConaughey meets Luke Skywalker) Crista matched with TWO years ago, they went on a few dates, but nothing ever happened.  Crista and Luigi analyze their dates, interactions, text messages, and discuss their perspectives on why an intimate relationship never evolved.  Also, Mario tells us about his current relationship with Princess Peach and how they evolved from friends to romantic partners.  If you ever wondered why that dating app match never worked out, this is the episode for you!

Listen to Part 2 as Shane and Crista discuss what they had to do to break the toxic cycle of learned behavior, their real life recovery process from those relationships, how they self-care, how they gratitude, and then hear about Shane's epic first time at Pride in Virginia Beach!!

It doesn't matter if you are male, female, or non-binary; we've all been the stupid fucking bitch.  You know what I'm talking about... we see the red flags waving in our faces, but we skip on by like we're headed to the next roller coaster ride. Figuratively AND literally.  The constant ups and downs are not cool, and we share our experiences and bring in examples of red flags and gaslighting to help the stupid fucking bitch in all of us.