The Cannon Canon
By The Cannon Canon
The Cannon CanonMay 06, 2022
HELLBOUND + "Goodbye"...for now (w/Frank & Geoff)
"ROYAL BLOOD!" Well, Cannonheads. The Cannon Bros (Frank & Geoff) have one last Cannon hurrah before shooting up the coffin of The Cannon Canon. The Cannon Canon is taking an indefinite hiatus (possibly returning with a new format/focus in the future) and what better way to send us off than with Cannon's "final" movie, HELLBOUND!
In this episode, The Cannon Bros reminisce about their 4-year run and FINALLY try Bronson's cologne, Mandom! We chat about the wild tone shifts of Hellbound, the proto-Walker Texas Ranger vibes, the heavy lifting of acting from Calvin Levels and of course...thuddy quips from the “black hole of comedy”, Molasses 2x4!
Thank you to everyone who listened and supported the show! Especially to our Patreon members and also to the author of The Cannon Film Guide series himself, Austin Trunick.
We thought we'd be the future! But then Marion Cobretti pointed his gun at us and said, "No. You're history".
Thanks for everything, Cannon fans.
OUR PATREON: patreon.com/thecannoncanon
Follow us on the socials:
Twitter: @thecannoncanon
Instagram: @thecannoncanon
Please rate and review us!
52 PICK UP (w/ Frank and Geoff
"So long, Sport." The Cannon Bros (Frank and Geoff) are back in Cannon Prestige territory with a stacked cast and some classy sleaze with "52 PICK UP"!
Roy Scheider plays an ego-driven jerk, John Glover goes full Philly, poor Ann-Margret gets put through the wringer, Clarence Williams the III steals the show and once again.. Vanity!
”Something about your face makes me want to slap the sh!t out of you!" is what The Cannon Bros would say if you missed this episode!
OUR PATREON: patreon.com/thecannoncanon
Follow us on the socials:
Twitter: @thecannoncanon
Instagram: @thecannoncanon
Please rate and review us!
THE LAST AMERICAN VIRGIN (w/ Frank and Geoff)
"This coke's kinda sweet. It's really good stuff!" The movie so nice (?) Golan and Globus made it twice! First as Lemon Popsicle and then updated for American audiences in the 80's. That's right, today the Cannon Bros (Frank & Geoff) break out the Oingo Boingo for yet another teen sex comedy, THE LAST AMERICAN VIRGIN! Starring the most unlikeable whiny ass character besides the kid in "Over The Top" (which is actually pretty accurate for a teenage boy, so it gets a pass).
So bring your small Christmas trees and bag of oranges and "Come to Carmela!" *cue "Are You Ready for the Sex Girls"*
OUR PATREON: patreon.com/thecannoncanon
Follow us on the socials:
Twitter: @thecannoncanon
Instagram: @thecannoncanon
Please rate and review us!
DIE HARD (w/ Frank and Geoff)
"Welcome to the party, pal!" Now we have a Die Hard episode HoHoHo! That's right, we're steering the sleigh away from Cannon Town to deliver the gift of our thoughts on this Holiday classic.
Rub your feet on this episode carpet, grab a twinkie and declare "Yipee-ki-ya, *Mister Falcon"! (*edited for TV version).
(in Hans Gruber voice) Merry Christmas, Cannonheads.
OUR PATREON: patreon.com/thecannoncanon
Follow us on the socials:
Twitter: @thecannoncanon
Instagram: @thecannoncanon
Please rate and review us!
DOWN TWISTED (w/Frank and Geoff)
“The deal’s going down. But it’s going down twisted." The Cannon Bros travel back to the Pyuniverse and get down twisted about 1987's "DOWN TWISTED"!
The Cannon Bros (Frank & Geoff) get disoriented with all the (down) twists and turns, contemplate the "comedic relief" of the late Charles Rocket, some Cannon Oingo Boingo reuse and...oh yeah! Hey, it's Masters of the Universe's (and nothing else) Courtney Cox for a quick minute!
Ultimately, Albert Pyun's unique and signature style elevates what would normally be a static action crime adventure. But one thing's certain, it's...Down Twisted. 😎
OUR PATREON: patreon.com/thecannoncanon
Follow us on the socials:
Twitter: @thecannoncanon
Instagram: @thecannoncanon
Please rate and review us!
PRESTIGE CANNON: SHY PEOPLE (w/ Frank and Geoff)
"Swamp makes a body see…whatever they wants ta see." Get on your tuxes and cook up dat gumbo, cher! Cuz we're back in Prestige Cannon territory with a drama only Cannon can add a bit of sleaze to... SHY PEOPLE!
The Cannon Bros define what "Boomer Emo Porn" is, covet Martha Plimpton's shirt collection, discuss ACT-ING and finally get to go on a proper Tangerine Dream tangent.
“Now get yo mamma to stitch that up!” and crawl da swamps of data der Cannon Canon! (cajun laugh)
OUR PATREON: patreon.com/thecannoncanon
Follow us on the socials:
Twitter: @thecannoncanon
Instagram: @thecannoncanon
Please rate and review us!
GOING BANANAS (w/ Frank and Geoff)
"Ba-Ba-Ba---Banana!" The Cannon Bros (Frank & Geoff) experience another existential crisis thanks to this Cannon Kids Classic, "Going Bananas"!
"Bonzo love Ben!" and The Cannon Cannon loves YOU, dear listener. *cue Dom DeLuise mug to camera*
OUR PATREON: patreon.com/thecannoncanon
Follow us on the socials:
Twitter: @thecannoncanon
Instagram: @thecannoncanon
Please rate and review us!
LOOSE CANNON: NIGHT OF THE CREEPS (w/ Frank and Geoff)
"The good news is your dates are here. The bad news is... they're dead." Today on the Cannon Canon, the Cannon Bros (Frank and Geoff), shout "Thrill me!" as they jam their skulls into another Loose Cannon just in time for SPOOKYYYYY season! It's a personal favorite, 1986's NIGHT OF THE CREEPS! In this episode, we give obligatory and heartfelt love for the spectacular Tom Atkins, talk more Shane Black, how "fun" isn't a bad thing and how we ALL “get off on living in the past."
It's an episode that'll have you wryly declaring, "classic spanky".
OUR PATREON: patreon.com/thecannoncanon
Follow us on the socials:
Twitter: @thecannoncanon
Instagram: @thecannoncanon
Please rate and review us!
PHANTASM II (w/ Frank and Geoff)
”You think that when you die, you go to heaven. You come to us!” The Cannon Bros (Frank and Geoff) are taking a spooky detour this episode to cover a favorite non-Cannon horror flick, PHANTASM II ! The Cannon Bros have been talking about this one for a while and Halloween season is the perfect excuse to finally talk about it, in all its Tall Man glory, BOY!
Phantasm II gets the Aliens treatment. Everything you loved in the first one gets a pumped-up, action-packed upgrade (and some sexy fun for good measure).
This episode will have you screaming, "It's only a dream!" *cue the Cannon Bros breaking through glass to drag you to a hell dimension* "NO! IT'S NOT!"
OUR PATREON: patreon.com/thecannoncanon
Follow us on the socials:
Twitter: @thecannoncanon
Instagram: @thecannoncanon
Please rate and review us!
LOOSE CANNON: HOWLING II: YOUR SISTER IS A WEREWOLF (w/ Frank and Geoff)
“Rock n roll. I’ll cover you!” Today on the Cannon Canon, the Cannon Bros (Frank & Geoff) get a suggested "Could've Been A Cannon/Loose Cannon" from Patreon member, Ed Harris! The movie? 1986's The Howling II: Your Sister Is A Werewolf! Which had an HBO/Cannon Video VHS release (hence the "Loose Cannon").
Sir Christopher Lee musters up the strength to co-star with Reb Brown and Annie McEnroe, while a stunning Sybil Danning steals the show (and gets done dirty by the film's director and editor in the film's credit sequence).
This Could've Been A Cannon/Loose Cannon has lazily rewritten vampire to werewolf specifics, unsettling practical effects, explosive blood of Christ and a theme song that just. won't.quit! Literally. Also, was Robert Smith inspired by this theme song for The Cure's "Burn"?!
"It's not over yet"! So "bark at the moon", because "She-Wolf Stirba: Werewolf Bitch" is throwing a werewolf orgy at the Babel show! See you hair...um, there!
OUR PATREON: patreon.com/thecannoncanon
Follow us on the socials:
Twitter: @thecannoncanon
Instagram: @thecannoncanon
Please rate and review us!
TREASURE OF THE FOUR CROWNS (w/ Frank and Geoff)
"Nah, that was DAMN REAL!" Today on The Cannon Cannon, The Cannon Bros (Frank and Geoff) take on Cannon's 3D venture...in 2D. That's right, we're talkin' 1983(D)'s TREASURE OF THE FOUR CROWNS! The Cannon Bros have to grade on a curve for this one since the movie CLEARLY makes use of the 3D gimmick and the only access at the moment is in 2D (until the Blu-ray gets bought for a future commentary episode). It's truly a head-scratching, slow-motion-loving early Cannon ride that the Cannon Bros can't help but be delighted by.
"I want you to taste what I taste!" *weird-looking dagger weasel pops out at you*
OUR PATREON: patreon.com/thecannoncanon
Follow us on the socials:
Twitter: @thecannoncanon
Instagram: @thecannoncanon
Please rate and review us!
OUTLAW OF GOR aka GOR II (w/Frank and Geoff)
"Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot ,Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot!"
OUR PATREON: patreon.com/thecannoncanon
Follow us on the socials:
Twitter: @thecannoncanon
Instagram: @thecannoncanon
Please rate and review us!
NEMESIS (w/Frank and Geoff)
"State of the f#@%ing art, Alex!" Yes, the Cannon Bros are FINALLY covering it. By popular demand, it's 1992's NEMESIS ! The late Albert Pyun delivers some truly fun and WTF moments in this semi-sequel to Cyborg (Nemesis was first conceived as Albert Pyun's last film under a three-picture contract with Cannon drawn up in 1987). We consider this one both a COULD'VE BEEN A CANNON as well as a LOOSE CANNON.
Enjoy, ya Bio-Enhanced Gangsters!
OUR PATREON: patreon.com/thecannoncanon
Follow us on the socials:
Twitter: @thecannoncanon
Instagram: @thecannoncanon
Please rate and review us!
GRACE QUIGLEY(w/ Frank and Geoff)
"But Seymour, there’s another verse." "Not this time, Ma.” Today on The Cannon Canon, The Cannon Bros (Frank & Geoff) are pleasantly surprised by the unassuming dark comedy, GRACE QUIGLEY! Katherine Hepburn, Nick Nolte and Kit Le Fever star in this charming off-beat dark comedy that's a mix of "Harold and Maude" and Dr. Jack Kevorkian's euthanasia. The cast is rounded out by some spectacular character actors (there's a Howard the Duck connection here) and a pace and tone that's just slightly off but works spectacularly when it hits. And of course, The Cannon Bros get existential as usual. Getting old and thinking about death is weird, y'all!
“Too slow, Mr. Flint. Too slow and too lonely." But this episode isn't too slow and you're never too lonely with The Cannon Canon!
OUR PATREON: patreon.com/thecannoncanon
Follow us on the socials:
Twitter: @thecannoncanon
Instagram: @thecannoncanon
Please rate and review us!
LOOSE CANNON: TEEN WOLF TOO (w/Frank and Geoff)
He's a Teen Wolf...Too! Today we cover a "Loose Cannon" (released by Cannon Screen Entertainment in the Netherlands), TEEN WOLF TOO! Part Teen Wolf, part Rocky and a dash of The Karate Kid.
Did you love the first movie? Get ready for most of the same beats but executed poorly! What's the parallel sport to high school basketball? COLLEGE BOXING, OF COURSE! Charmed by Michael J. Fox's Wolf? Jason Bateman's Wolf will have you muttering, "asshole". Add in a dash of Corey Feldman style choices, John Astin's charming and macabre scene-chewing, re-cast "returning" characters and a baffling song and dance number to "Do You Love Me (Now That I Can Dance)" and you've got Teen Wolf Too!
May all your montages be set to "Send Me An Angel". Awoooooooooo!!!
OUR PATREON: patreon.com/thecannoncanon
Follow us on the socials:
Twitter: @thecannoncanon
Instagram: @thecannoncanon
Please rate and review us!
AMERICA 3000 (w/ Adam Bozarth)
It's "Murcan" Birthday Week, Plugots! What better way to celebrate our nation's birth than with Cannon's 1986's sci-fi apocalyptic "comedy", AMERICA 3000! Joining the Cannon Bros (Frank & Geoff) at Cannon Bros Headquarters is returning guest, Adam "Macho" Bozarth ( Left Handed Radio, WLHR Fake Public Radio)!
We talk Desi Arnaz Jr connections, a Reagan/Bonzo/Aargh theory, missing strange discoveries via VHS and UHF and tips on how to run into Jon Hamm when you're in L.A.
Don't be cold woggos, be hot plastic Prezeedent!
*freeze frame on Aargh the Awful jumping in the air holding a boombox over his head*
OUR PATREON: patreon.com/thecannoncanon
Follow us on the socials:
Twitter: @thecannoncanon
Instagram: @thecannoncanon
Please rate and review us!
SHOWDOWN IN LITTLE TOKYO (w/ Frank and Geoff)
"It’s called Ice. It was big in Japan, but I haven’t seen it much here. It makes 'rock' look like decaf, babe." Today's "Could've Been A Cannon" is a true "WHAT IF?" What if Cannon had survived into the '90s? Golan and Globus DEFINITELY would've gotten a whiff of Showdown in Little Tokyo and touted it as "The movie that WILL beat Terminator 2!" while parading Brandon Lee and Dolph around Cannes. This is PURE non-Cannon Cannon!
OUR PATREON: patreon.com/thecannoncanon
Follow us on the socials:
Twitter: @thecannoncanon
Instagram: @thecannoncanon
Please rate and review us!
NUMBER ONE WITH A BULLET (w/ Frank and Geoff)
"Just the one pastrami then?" Today on The Cannon Canon the Cannon Bros (Frank & Geoff) buddy up for this 1987 "buddy" cop flick, "NUMBER ONE WITH A BULLET". A movie that forces the Cannon Bros to ponder "WHY must you make us yearn for Jim Belushi?!" Billy Dee Williams plays...Billy Dee Williams and Robert Carradine is... severely miscast.
On the surface, this movie feels like a Lethal Weapon rip-off, EXCEPT...It came out mere 2 MONTHS after Lethal Weapon! Was it parallel thinking? Or a case of Cannon seeing an early Lethal Weapon screening and scrambling to add LW elements to Num1B? WHO KNOWS?! It's as baffling as Robert Carradine's (who we love otherwise) casting in this.
To quote Number One With A Bullet, "Check's in the mail." Check's in the mail indeed.
OUR PATREON: patreon.com/thecannoncanon
Follow us on the socials:
Twitter: @thecannoncanon
Instagram: @thecannoncanon
Please rate and review us!
THE PARTY ANIMAL (w/ Frank and Geoff)
"A chemical reaction got him some action!" Cannon Canon Patreon member, Daniel Levitt, picked this month's COULD'VE BEEN A CANNON and oh, baby...this bizarre and sometimes off-putting "Sex Comedy" is quite the package. 1985's "The Party Animal" is an interesting entry ("hot beef injection"?) into the beloved 80's "sex comedy" genre.
The Cannon Bros (Frank & Geoff) can't help but put their tweed leather-elbowed comedy professor blazers on to dissect what the hell is even going on with "The Party Animal". It's a movie with the most unlikeable protagonist and a surprisingly great punk soundtrack. At one point the movie turns into a proto-"Clerks"? And the main plot hits in its THIRD ACT?!
It's an episode that will have you saying “OoohWeee! Look at what the gods sent me!”
*farts* "Scusi."
OUR PATREON: patreon.com/thecannoncanon
Follow us on the socials:
Twitter: @thecannoncanon
Instagram: @thecannoncanon
Please rate and review us!
THE COMPANY OF WOLVES (w/ Frank and Geoff)
Murder She Wolf! Today the Cannon Bros (Frank & Geoff) trek to grandmother’s house (in this case Golan & Globus' house of Cannon) to cover the 1985 surreal horror fantasy THE COMPANY OF WOLVES! Neil Jordan gets to Neil Jordan with this one. It's a "modern" somewhat anthology-like twist to Little Red Riding Hood...by way of Cannon and Neil Jordan of course.
We’re lycan this one! Just remember, “Never trust a man whose eyebrows meet.” OUR PATREON: patreon.com/thecannoncanon
Follow us on the socials:
Twitter: @thecannoncanon
Instagram: @thecannoncanon
Please rate and review us!
THE LAST DRAGON(w/Frank and Geoff)
The Cannon Bros (Frank & Geoff) are transported to 7th Heaven with this "COULD'VE BEEN A CANNON"! We're talkin' Berry Gordy's THE LAST DRAGON! A movie that The Cannon Bros have an undeniable nostalgic "glow" for.
Once again, we swoon over the late great Vanity, praise the badassery of Sho'nuff and excuse the timidness of Leroy (he's definitely in a form of arrested development...right?). This movie hammer fists all our 80's nostalgic sweet spots. With its bop of a soundtrack, Bruce Lee obsession and classic over-the-top white slimeball villain, it's SHOCKING it's NOT a Cannon.
Turn it up the DeBarge and "Kiss my converse" because when you got the glow, your body's gold!
OUR PATREON: patreon.com/thecannoncanon
Follow us on the socials:
Twitter: @thecannoncanon
Instagram: @thecannoncanon
Please rate and review us!
HBO/Cannon: THE EVIL DEAD (w/ Frank and Geoff)
We’re fudging the rules and diving back into the HBO/Cannon video releases and today we cover a horror classic the Cannon Bros know and love, Sam Raimi’s THE EVIL DEAD (1981)! Find out which Cannon Bro is team The Evil Dead and which is team Evil Dead II!
"For god's sake, what happened to her eyes!!!" but those ears are still good, so put down that fleshy old book of the dead and play this episode like it's Raymond Knowby's tape recorder, ya Deadite!
OUR PATREON: patreon.com/thecannoncanon
Follow us on the socials:
Twitter: @thecannoncanon
Instagram: @thecannoncanon
Please rate and review us!
THE CANNON CANON ANNOUNCEMENT
The Cannon Bros (Frank & Geoff) check in to let everyone know about the Cannon Canon release schedule moving forward.
OUR PATREON: patreon.com/thecannoncanon
Follow us on the socials:
Twitter: @thecannoncanon
Instagram: @thecannoncanon
Please rate and review us!
ACTION JACKSON (w/ Frank and Geoff)
”Barbecue, huh?! How do you like your ribs?!"
It's another COULD'VE BEEN A CANNON and today we're talkin' 1988's ACTION JACKSON! A movie that lives in the Tango & Cash realm of irreverent joke at the time but actually better than it got credit for.
It's got Vanity, Coach and pretty much every stunt guy from Die Hard. Enjoy!
“I expected a standing ovation.” “You’re getting one.”
OUR PATREON: patreon.com/thecannoncanon
Follow us on the socials:
Twitter: @thecannoncanon
Instagram: @thecannoncanon
Please rate and review us!
BARFLY (w/ Frank and Geoff)
"TO ALL MY FRIENDS!" The Cannon Bros (Frank & Geoff) stagger down to the local L.A. dive and cheers to 1987's BARFLY! A semi-autobiographical screenplay written by Charles Bukowski and directed by Barbet Schroeder. This critically acclaimed Cannon flick has Mickey Rourke taking some big drunken swings (literally AND with his acting), Faye Dunaway gives a fantastic performance (as do her legs) and Frank Stallone shows he can be more than a classic Norm Macdonald punchline. Barfly maybe hits a little too close for comfort for the Cannon Bros, but that doesn't stop them from raising a glass to this prestige Cannon film.
Pour another and turn this episode up louder than Henry's classical music because "endurance is more important than truth."
OUR PATREON: patreon.com/thecannoncanon
Follow us on the socials:
Twitter: @thecannoncanon
Instagram: @thecannoncanon
Please rate and review us!
DUTCH TREAT (w/ Frank and Geoff)
"That's my momma!" It's our second week of covering the comedic stylings of Dreyfuss & Landsberg! This week we discuss 1987's DUTCH TREAT! A movie that literally came out MONTHS after Detective School Dropouts.
Cannon had conceived a vehicle for Dutch "girl band" the Dolly Dots in 1983 and they made good on that promise...4 years later...by combining their movie with a Dreyfus & Landsberg comedy. That's our Cannon!
It's a movie SO loud and unrelenting in its attempt at madcap chaos comedy that it gave one of the Cannon Bros a migraine. It also has the honor of possibly having the most attempted murders or actual deaths than most of the Cannon action films The Cannon Canon has covered!
We discover that the Dolly Dots are a great 80's pop-rock band ala The Go-Go's and The Bangles, Dead Meat sounds better at 1.5 speed and that the TRUE star of this film...is the boom mic (which is present in almost every single shot). Should have received top billing, really.
OUR PATREON: patreon.com/thecannoncanon
Follow us on the socials:
Twitter: @thecannoncanon
Instagram: @thecannoncanon
Please rate and review us!
DETECTIVE SCHOOL DROPOUTS (w/Frank and Geoff)
“They don’t make Munks like they used to!” Abbott & Costello, Martin & Lewis, Cheech & Chong...Dreyfuss & Landsberg. That's right, for the next two weeks, The Cannon Canon will be covering the Cannon comedic stylings of Lorin Dreyfuss & David Landsberg! First up, 1986's Detective School Dropouts! A mixed-bag, madcap comedic romp that leaves the Cannon Bros a little lukewarm on the film itself but respecting the hell out of the story behind getting their two movies made to begin with!
In this episode we discuss: The hustle and dream of sketch comedians landing a 2 picture deal with a movie studio, Benny Hill speed-ups, middle-aged men in flimsy tear-away clothing, a plane that shows Ninja III: The Domination as its inflight movie and composer George S. Clinton takes on the Euro-Discoteque nom de plume GEO for this score.
After all, "God knows what they put on their pizza in California!"
OUR PATREON: patreon.com/thecannoncanon
Follow us on the socials:
Twitter: @thecannoncanon
Instagram: @thecannoncanon
Please rate and review us!
STREET SMART (w/Frank and Geoff)
“I can get an interview with a Times Square pimp!” It's Oscar season, so it's time to get prestigious here on The Cannon Canon. The Cannon Bros are dressed in their tuxes and sitting down to dissect the serious cinema of the Cannon Oscar swing, STREET SMART! Ever wanted to see a sociopathic Clark Kent? Then Street Smart is your movie! Christopher Reeve was able to make this passion project by agreeing to do Superman IV for Cannon. But of course, you know it came with some Golan & Globus stipulations.
Morgan Freeman turns in an incredible performance that earned him an Oscar nom, Kathy Baker and Mimi Rogers get to show off their powerhouse acting chops and Christopher Reeve does his best to shake the Superman blues (and red cape briefs).
Sip a Yoo-Hoo, get wild with the scissors and stay Street Smart, Cannon-heads!
OUR PATREON: patreon.com/thecannoncanon
Follow us on the socials:
Twitter: @thecannoncanon
Instagram: @thecannoncanon
Please rate and review us!
ENEMY TERRITORY (w/Frank and Geoff)
“I’m gonna rip out your heart and suck your blood!” Patreon member Joaquim Dantas steps up to the Cannon Canon plate and knocks it out of the park with this COULD'VE Been A Cannon pick! 1987's ENEMY TERRITORY!
Before Full Moon Productions, Charles Band ran Empire Pictures and released this gem that hits ALL the Cannon staples. It's a movie described as Die Hard meets The Warriors and...it's pretty spot on! Add a dash (pun not intended) of some Fox News fearmonger porn and a surprisingly excellent soundtrack and you got yourself one perfect COULD'VE Been A Cannon!
Starring Tony "Candyman" Todd, Ray "Ghostbusters Theme" Parker Jr., Stacey "Clueless" Dash, Jan-Michael "Airwolf" Vincent, Gary "Family" Franks and a brief appearance from Kadeem "A Different World" Hardison.
The film caters to Frank and Geoff even more with its Halloween theme sampled end-credit song!
Take a listen, ya dime store Darwins!
OUR PATREON: patreon.com/thecannoncanon
Follow us on the socials:
Twitter: @thecannoncanon
Instagram: @thecannoncanon
Please rate and review us!
RAPPIN' (w/ Frank and Geoff)
"Hay is for horses!" It's the unofficial sequel to Breakin' that barely has anything to do with Breakin'! That's right, today we're covering the 1985 Cannon finger on the pulse film "RAPPIN'"!
Where Krush Groove successfully showcased the early rap scene, Rappin'...has rapping sequences of Mario Van Peebles awkwardly re-voiced by Ice-T and Master Gee. Everyone gets a chance to rap (even if they shouldn't)!
Despite its flaws, it's still fun to watch Rappin' Hood and his merry men mix it up the only way Cannon can! You'll be itchin' for a scratch, Cannon-heads!
OUR PATREON: patreon.com/thecannoncanon
Follow us on the socials:
Twitter: @thecannoncanon
Instagram: @thecannoncanon
Please rate and review us!
THE SEVEN MAGNIFICENT GLADIATORS (w/ Frank and Geoff)
The HOT continues to boil over from "Hot January" thanks to Lou Ferrigno and Sybil Danning at their hot throbbin' peak! So you know what that means...no, we already covered Hercules....the OTHER one starring sexy Lou & Syb: 1984's THE SEVEN MAGNIFICENT GLADIATORS (or as the Cannon Bros call it, "The Sev Mag Gladz")!
We're talkin' Anthony Kiedis looking demi-god villains, middle-aged gladiators, chariot scenes so nice they used it twice (in 2 different movies), Han-cules and the most confusing, hard-to-follow action this way of a Transformers Bay production, babe.
Hide the chickens and cheese, the Cannon Bros are sliding back the woolly sheath to swing around the thick phallic sword of entertainment with The Sev Mag Gladz (trademark pending)!
OUR PATREON: patreon.com/thecannoncanon
Follow us on the socials:
Twitter: @thecannoncanon
Instagram: @thecannoncanon
Please rate and review us!
SAHARA (w/ Frank and Geoff)
“Kill the goat! Oil the women!” Our HOT January spills over into February where we…don’t have a theme. "F#@k It February"?
Today we cover Golan’s dream swing at the desert epic with 1984’s SAHARA. A film that looks great but maybe suffered from “too many cooks” syndrome. Starring young starlet (and infamously exploited) Brooke Shields and a handful of white actors in brownface.
We discuss: Jonathan Rhys Davies remains typecast, actors getting buried in the sand while covered in REAL beetles and scorpions (Jackass style), Brooke Shields’ Mom being EXTREMELY hands-on with her special Producer title, wild tone shifts, elastic geography and what speed should the roaring ’20s be represented at?
Plus, Geoff reveals the SHOCKING secret behind the inspiration behind one of his band's names.
"I am the law!" - Jaffar (not Judge Dredd)
OUR PATREON: patreon.com/thecannoncanon
Follow us on the socials:
Twitter: @thecannoncanon
Instagram: @thecannoncanon
Please rate and review us!
THE BARBARIANS (w/Frank and Geoff)
"The song- is finished. The laughter- silent. The dream- dead." We continue to scorch the cold January air with more HOT Cannon titles! Today, we serve up two slices of piping hot beefcake with 1987's The Barbarians! Starring The Barbarian Brothers as...The Barbarians! Sword and Sorcery meets pure dumb Cannon fun! Eva La Rue charms, Michael Berryman Dirtmasters and Richard Lynch does what he does best, creeps up the screen and chews up the scenery.
Call up an Emo Philips lookin' mystic, pop in that belly ruby, fight a phallic animatronic dragon and donkey noise your loin cloth exposed buns this way 'cuz things get HOT when The Cannon Bros tackle The Barbarian Bros!
"Who you callin' fatty, Moosehead!" R.IP. Ruggero Deodato
OUR PATREON: patreon.com/thecannoncanon
Follow us on the socials:
Twitter: @thecannoncanon
Instagram: @thecannoncanon
Please rate and review us!
HOT CHILI (w/Frank and Geoff)
“I just wanna f*******ck!” We continue our HOT January with HOT CHILI! A "teen sex comedy" that's not afraid to get bizarre and surreal now and then and also not afraid to share the exact same plot as Hot Resort. It's got sexy music lessons, gun-toting horny elders, a crazed Nazi-esque jealous husband, "ChiChi!", video blackmail, Bubba from "Mama's Family" going full skinemax and a bullfight gone wacky breaking the 4th wall!
Is it better than Hot Resort?! Tune in to see which WE think is the superior HOT movie!
OUR PATREON: patreon.com/thecannoncanon
Follow us on the socials:
Twitter: @thecannoncanon
Instagram: @thecannoncanon
Please rate and review us!
HOT RESORT (w/Frank and Geoff)
The Cannon Canon heats up a cold January with some hot flicks this month. This week we're covering the "sex comedy" (we use that term liberally), "HOT RESORT". One thing is true, there is a resort. With appearances from Bronson Pinchot, Frank "The Riddler" Gorshin" and known Hollywood creep, Dan Schneider.
Does the movie live up to it's name and promise? Or is it a Cold Asylum (chacha)?
OUR PATREON: patreon.com/thecannoncanon
Follow us on the socials:
Twitter: @thecannoncanon
Instagram: @thecannoncanon
Please rate and review us!
NEVER TOO YOUNG TO DIE (w/ Frank and Geoff)
The Cannon Bros are kicking off the New Year with a COULD'VE BEEN A CANNON! Patreon member, Joshua Richardson, chose one of THE most Could've Been A Cannon's we've seen yet. 1986's NEVER TOO YOUNG TO DIE!
John Stamos, Gene Simmons and Prince protege Vanity star in this wannabe Bond flick for the Pepsi generation. Is it effective Bond-fare? It certainly has A Bond (George Lazenby) and...yeah, that's about it. If you thought Gene Simmons was too subtle for your tastes, this movie gives you a full trough of insane and problematic Gene Simmons ham! You even get a side helping of Robert Englund!
Hiding emotions isn't good for your health, so sing it LOUD! "STARGROVE, STARGROVE, STARGROVE, STARGROVE, STARGROVE, STARGROVE, STARGROVE, STARGROVE, STARGROVE, STARGROVE, STARGROVE, STARGROVE, STARGROVE, STARGROVE, STARGROVE, STARGROVE, STARGROVE, STARGROVE, STARGROVE, STARGROVE, STARGROVE..."
OUR PATREON: patreon.com/thecannoncanon
Follow us on the socials:
Twitter: @thecannoncanon
Instagram: @thecannoncanon
Please rate and review us!
SHANE BLACK CHRISTMAS: KISS KISS BANG BANG(w/John Murray)
"Oh. I don’t like him. Kurt Cobain? He took my cricket." We conclude our detour into "Shane Black Christmas" with a movie that revived both Shane Black and Robert Downey Jr's career, 2005's Kiss Kiss Bang Bang.
A movie that paved the way for RDJ Iron Man, ultra meta storytelling and an imperfect attempt to break gay stereotypes. Frank and Geoff are on opposite sides of their feelings on this movie, so to play tie-breaker, former guest John Murray steps back into the Cannon Canon ring to offer some insight as to why this is or isn't a top-tier Shane Black film.
It's been the most wonderful time of the year covering Shane "Captain f#@%in' magic" Black.
See ya in 2023, Cannon-heads!
OUR PATREON: patreon.com/thecannoncanon
Follow us on the socials:
Twitter: @thecannoncanon
Instagram: @thecannoncanon
Please rate and review us!
SHANE BLACK CHRISTMAS: IRON MAN 3 (w/ Geoff and Frank)
The Cannon Bros take a detour for the reason for the season... a Shane Black Christmas! This Holiday season we celebrate the Christmas-tinged genius of Shane Black. Today we discuss our FIRST (and likely only) Marvel movie, 2013's IRON MAN 3!
Shane Black gets a crack at a big-budget Marvel film and we ponder, "Is it a Shane Black Marvel movie or a Marvel Shane Black movie?" It's got all the Shane Black tropes you know and love plus the Marvel tropes you...tolerate. Though it really doesn't deserve all the hate it gets from the MCU spectators.
Call up the "House Party Protocol" and suit up because we're deckin' and wreckin' the halls this Shane Black Christmas!
OUR PATREON: patreon.com/thecannoncanon
Follow us on the socials:
Twitter: @thecannoncanon
Instagram: @thecannoncanon
Please rate and review us!
SHANE BLACK CHRISTMAS: THE LAST BOY SCOUT (w/Jason Gore)
The Cannon Bros take a detour for the reason for the season... a Shane Black Christmas! This Holiday season we celebrate the Christmas-tinged genius of Shane Black. Today we discuss 1991's THE LAST BOY SCOUT. And joining us to chat some Wayans and Willis is the last boy scout himself, Jason Gore!
The Last Boy Scout is a movie where the two main stars hated each other, the producer and director hated each other, multiple editors had to be brought in to make the movie watchable and Shane Black, well...he got paid 1.75 million for the script (so he was probably OK).
Friday night's a great night for football AND The Cannon Canon!
OUR PATREON: patreon.com/thecannoncanon
Follow us on the socials:
Twitter: @thecannoncanon
Instagram: @thecannoncanon
Please rate and review us!
SHANE BLACK CHRISTMAS: THE LONG KISS GOODNIGHT (w/John Murray)
The Cannon Bros take a detour for the reason for the season... a Shane Black Christmas! This Holiday season we celebrate the Christmas-tinged genius of Shane Black. Today we discuss 1996's THE LONG KISS GOODNIGHT. And joining us to chat about this underrated film is John Murray!
We discuss the hit-or-miss madness of Renny Harlin, the stellar performances from Samuel L. Jackson and Geena Davis, how much of Shane Black's script was kept intact, the underutilization of Brian Cox and how Cutthroat Island's poor box office performance might have hurt this solid film.
Take a listen, regain your suppressed memories, and declare "Chefs do that"!
OUR PATREON: patreon.com/thecannoncanon
Follow us on the socials:
Twitter: @thecannoncanon
Instagram: @thecannoncanon
Please rate and review us!
SHANE BLACK CHRISTMAS: THE NICE GUYS (w/ Frank and Geoff)
The Cannon Bros take a detour for the reason for the season... a Shane Black Christmas! This Holiday season we celebrate the Christmas-tinged genius of Shane Black. First up is 2016's criminally underrated The Nice Guys! A somewhat greatest hits of Shane Black tropes that fires on all cylinders. It's an all-out Cannon Bros gush fest, valid criticism need not apply.
Don't worry, "the car can drive itself". Turn up this episode and get in the Shane Black Christmas spirit with The Cannon Canon!
OUR PATREON: patreon.com/thecannoncanon
Follow us on the socials:
Twitter: @thecannoncanon
Instagram: @thecannoncanon
Please rate and review us!
MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE Watch Along/ Commentary (w/ Frank and Geoff)
"I don't like adventures!" It's November and with Thanksgiving here, we wanted to treat you to a feast this month with The Cannon Canon Commentary Cornucopia! All month long we're doing watch-alongs to some of our favorite Cannon films! This week we do a watch along for 1987's MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE!
Join us as we give some Langella love, crack-wise at He-Man's lack of use of his signature sword and rack up Lubic trailer one-liners!
Load up on the leftovers, chow down like Gwildor and break out your Cosmic Key/Japanese Synthesizer, cuz the Cannon Bros have the power!!!
OUR PATREON: patreon.com/thecannoncanon
Follow us on the socials:
Twitter: @thecannoncanon
Instagram: @thecannoncanon
Please rate and review us!
TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE 2 Watch Along/ Commentary (w/ Frank and Geoff)
Oh, our achin' banana! It's November and with Thanksgiving around the corner, we wanted to treat you to a feast this month with The Cannon Canon Commentary Cornucopia! All month long we're doing watch-alongs to some of our favorite Cannon films! This week we do a watch along for 1986's Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2!
We've really come around to ol' Tobe "Cream Jeans" Hooper's TCM sequel. While Geoff still gets Chop-Top queasy, Frank gets homesick for Shiner and questionable BBQ.
Gather 'round the table, hand Grandpa the death blow mallet and dance around to some Oingo Boingo, Cannonheads!
OUR PATREON: patreon.com/thecannoncanon
Follow us on the socials:
Twitter: @thecannoncanon
Instagram: @thecannoncanon
Please rate and review us!
BLOODSPORT Watch Along/ Commentary (w/ Frank and Geoff)
"OK, USA!" It's November and with Thanksgiving around the corner, we wanted to treat you to a feast this month with The Cannon Canon Commentary Cornucopia! All month long we do watch alongs to some of our favorite Cannon films! This week we do a watch along for 1988’s Bloodsport!
Watch along with The Cannon Bros as we Kumite all day, root for ANY sport's team named The Giants, ponder why exactly Forest Whitaker accepted this role at this point in his career and of course....marvel at some JCVD buns.
Dim Mak your worries away, sit down, relax and watch Bloodsport with the Cannon Bros. "I'll drink to that!"
OUR PATREON: patreon.com/thecannoncanon
Follow us on the socials:
Twitter: @thecannoncanon
Instagram: @thecannoncanon
Please rate and review us!
DEATH WISH 3 Watch Along/Commentary (w/ Frank and Geoff)
It's November and with Thanksgiving around the corner, we wanted to treat you to a feast this month with The Cannon Canon Commentary Cornucopia! All month long we do watch along to some of our favorite Cannon films! This week we do a watch along for 1985's DEATH WISH 3!
Put on your bib, fire up the ol' TV and favorite podcast platform, stack up on leftovers and get your fill of our stupid voices talking through Death Wish 3. You'd rather hang out with your family?! No dice, boyo!
OUR PATREON: patreon.com/thecannoncanon
Follow us on the socials:
Twitter: @thecannoncanon
Instagram: @thecannoncanon
Please rate and review us!
CARPENTOBER: HALLOWEEN (w/ Frank and Geoff)
We close out CARPENTOBER with the Cannon Bros favorite Carpenter film (and possibly favorite film, period) HALLOWEEN! You've heard MANY people talk about this perfect horror classic...now you get to hear us talk about this perfect horror classic!
It's the night the Cannon Canon came home...and talked about their favorite Carpenter film!
OUR PATREON: patreon.com/thecannoncanon
Follow us on the socials:
Twitter: @thecannoncanon
Instagram: @thecannoncanon
Please rate and review us!
CARPENTOBER: THE THING (w/Frank and Geoff)
“You gotta be f#@%ing kidding”. No kidding, CARPENTOBER continues with the alien paranoia classic THE THING! Considered a "failure" at the time, this Carpenter classic found the praise it deserved over the past 40 years. The Cannon Bros (Frank and Geoff) dig this harder than a Swedish...sorry, Norwegian research team in the Antarctic.
We talk killer creature designs by a young Rob Bottin, badass Kurt Russell beard/hair, existential dread, Lovecraftian Aliens and a mustacheless Wilford Brimley?! WEIRD!
Break out the J&B Scotch and trust NO ONE! But trust us when we say this movie rules.
OUR PATREON: patreon.com/thecannoncanon
Follow us on the socials:
Twitter: @thecannoncanon
Instagram: @thecannoncanon
Please rate and review us!
HALLOWEEN ENDS (w/ Frank and Geoff)
LOVE LIVES TODAY! We take a slight, but relevant detour from CARPNETOBER to share our thoughts on 2022's HALLOWEEN ENDS! With The Cannon Bros (Frank and Geoff) being huge Halloween heads (and since we did Halloween Kills), you KNOW it had to be done.
Crawl out of that storm drain, throw on your plastic scarecrow mask, hop on the back of our bad boy evil motorcycle and burn it all down with us!
OUR PATREON: patreon.com/thecannoncanon
Follow us on the socials:
Twitter: @thecannoncanon
Instagram: @thecannoncanon
Please rate and review us!
CARPENTOBER: PRINCE OF DARKNESS (w/Frank and Geoff)
CARPENTOBER continues with the wildly underrated PRINCE OF DARKNESS. An apocalyptic tale that came to Carpenter while reading about...quantum mechanics?! The Cannon Bros (Frank and Geoff) hunker down in a creepy L.A. church and pontificate about science and religion, extraterrestrial Jesus and that awesomely creepy VHS dream transmission!
Fill up on some Anti-God juice, reach through the mirror to your evil faaaaaathherrrr and turn this episode up louder than an Alice Cooper rocker!
OUR PATREON: patreon.com/thecannoncanon
Follow us on the socials:
Twitter: @thecannoncanon
Instagram: @thecannoncanon
Please rate and review us!
CARPENTOBER: THEY LIVE (w/ Frank and Geoff)
We're taking a detour from discussing Cannon Films this October so we can cover our favorite master of horror, JOHN CARPENTER! We're calling it, "CARPENTOBER"! To kick off CARPENTOBER, we put on our special shades to see the truth about the Carpenter classic "THEY LIVE"! A sci-fi horror that unfortunately still has relevant social and political commentary today (but not in the way conspiracy dummies co-opted it).
(Insert obligatory kick ass/ chew bubble gum quote here).
Mama don't like tattletales, but spread the word about this episode! BUY! CONSUME! CONFORM! SLEEP! OBEY! CARPENTER IS YOUR GOD!
OUR PATREON: patreon.com/thecannoncanon
Follow us on the socials:
Twitter: @thecannoncanon
Instagram: @thecannoncanon
Please rate and review us!