The Cost is Courage

What's requiring courage in your everyday ordinary life right now Amy?

I asked and she answered. Sharing the hard of having her military son deployed during the pandemic. Missing togetherness during the holidays and how pushing through with courage is a decision. She's walking out philosophy that courage gets the final say. Amy has a few wonderful offerings to share with women one of those is a new course.

Wow! A boy mom of 4, full time care of an adult special needs child, and homeschooling too - that takes so much courage. We know that women are using courage behind closed doors and I'm so glad to share one of them with you. The good news is that Julie hasn't let all those mom responsibilities prevent her from living her dream and waling into her calling. She wants to encourage other women to pursue their's as well. You won't want to miss Julie's answer to this question, "what's costing you courage right now?" 

Julie Holmquist is a writer, podcaster, and ministry leader get to know her better here:

Lisa is an amazing example of everyday courage in action. She's walked through the unexpected traumatic loss of her husband and showed up daily for her 7 children as a single mom. And she shares her struggle and pain with women facing these same losses now. But it doesn't stop there. I'm really excited for you to listen in as I ask her, "What's requiring courage in your everyday ordinary life right now?"  You won't want to miss this conversation! 

Lisa Appelo is a speaker and writer who inspires women to cultivate faith in life’s storms.  Eight years ago, Lisa became a sudden widow and single mom to 7. She’s passionate about rich Bible study and has taught a weekly ladies Bible class for many years. She’s been published at Proverbs 31 Ministries, (in)courage, Risen Motherhood and more.

Using grit and showing up when you can't see progress and have drained the well of creativity. Filling the gap when conversations get divisive. Deciding that hope will eventually show her face and refresh our spirits. These are the things requiring courage right now. I just loved the authenticity of exploring how we learn, be humbled, and try again day after day. Yep, this is how she answered my question, "What does courage look like in your everyday life right now?" You won't want to miss this conversation. 

Ronne Rock weaves themes of transformative hope and grace-filled leadership into everything she shares on page and stage.  She believes that you are God-designed to influence and impact the world right where you are, and she wants to you understand what it means to live out your purpose. She promises—it’s not complicated. As she says, “We’re in this together, and I am for you.” Ronne is a long-road walker, a hope-warrior, a voice of honest encouragement for women who long to lead well. Ronne tells stories that change stories, and her words offer real hope for your purpose-weary soul. Her book, One Woman Can Change the World, is available wherever books are sold.

Can I tell you...this lady right here! Bounds with courage, how do I know - just spend a few minutes with her and you'll walk away encouraged yourself. Always lifting others up, always hopeful, always giving God the glory. She's a rock star encourager. She had lots to share when I asked her, "What's requiring courage in your everyday ordinary life?" Pop in your ear buds and give a listen to my friend Camille.

Camille McIntyre is a native Staten Islander, (NYC) along with her husband, Tim, and their three adult children, Ellie, Andrew, and Aaron. She and Tim are the founding pastors of Oasis Church NYC for 16 years and were youth pastors for 17 years prior. She loves to inspire, encourage and motivate women to make faith-filled choices that lead to change. Her mission is to help women to grow spiritually by teaching biblical principles on how to focus on getting priorities right so they can get their goals and dreams accomplished. Her Ebook ”Focus” is available on Amazon. Stay connected by checking out her goal-setting tips on IGTV

What's requiring courage in your life right now Dorina?

Being a runner takes perseverance. Applying that perseverance was necessary to keep it all together in 2020. Juggling three girls one in elementary, one in middle school, and one in high school was a real challenge through Covid. Marriage and parenting will always be some of the hardest work we take on in life, many of us can relate to the everyday ordinary struggles in life now that we've been through a collective challenge like the pandemic has brought us. Family life is requiring courage from Dorina these days. Can you relate? I'm sure you can. Thanks for joining me and Dorina on this week's episode.

What's requiring courage in your life right now, Jodi?

Taking a step of courage and leaning into the crazy idea that she, a mom, teacher, and everyday ordinary woman could host her own podcast. Don't miss Jodi's story of everyday ordinary courage in this week's episode. Who knows, you may just find yourself inspired to take your own step too! That's our hope of course. Thanks for listening in .

Jodi Rosser is a writer and speaks to a steadily growing audience through her podcast, Depth, and her blog, Heartbreak to Strength. Having walked through multiple heartbreaks (divorce, miscarriage, and cancer), Jodi now inspires women to find hope, joy, and purpose through their unexpected storms. She lights up the most when she shares her testimony using her cracked clay pot, a visual reminder that God shines brightest through our broken places. She lives with her two teenage boys and giant black lab in Rancho Santa Margarita, CA.

What's requiring courage in your life right now, JJ?

Taking a step of courage into a new vocation and ministry can be scary. But worth it! Don't miss JJ's story of everyday ordinary courage in this week's episode. Who knows, you may just find yourself encouraged to take your own step too! That's our hope of course. Thanks for listening in .

JJ Gutierrez is a corporate career woman turned homeschool mom, author and speaker. Married for 25 years with three girls, JJ has a passion for equipping women to grow in courage and faith. Often you can find her starting new small group ministries. JJ loves her German Shepherd- Bella and most days you’ll find her sipping a glass of fresh brewed ice tea. You can find her at:

Hoooooooo, goodness! Reflecting on 2020 is a BIG TASK.

It takes courage to reflect. What if we don't like what we see? What if we have regrets? What if we find more work to be done? What if things didn't turn out the way we hoped? Ack!

It's Christmas Eve and we're digging into Faith.

Having faith in something requires a lot of courage. It calls on us for 

• Surrender
• Giving up control
• Trusting in another 
• Believing this is a safe thing to do, the right thing to do, the best thing to do
• Opening ourselves to vulnerability, risk

Join us in the episode as we talk through the courage required to lean into faith. Faith in God, but also faith in each other.

Find us on IG at @costiscouragepodcast. 

The future is always uncertain, but here in the time of #coronalife, the uncertainty is THROUGH THE ROOF.

How do we even make plans? What will the future hold?

This season of life has been a great opportunity for growing the courage to hold the future loosely.

Listen in for some practical tips on how to face the future, plan for the unknown, have the courage and confidence to know you'll make it no matter what.

Some other episodes related to this topic:

#6: Courage in Uncertainty

#18 Courage in Hope

#26 Courage in Failure

Big feelings require courage. Facing pain. Allowing ourselves to feel it, facing the fear that it might overwhelm us, facing thoughts and feelings that are scary. And grief is a VERY. BIG. FEELING.

You might ask yourself: How can I do this? How can I face a world without so-and-so in it? Or a world where x didn’t actually happen? How can the world just GO ON LIKE NORMAL?

And grief isn't only about death, but is triggered by losses (and even changes) of all kinds.

Our takeaway in today's episode is that grief is a process. And it takes what it takes...let go of your own expectations or the expectations of others. We share some practical ways to get through grief and to find the courage to face it.

Some of Dr. Lisa's favorite grief resources that she shares with clients:

• Book: It's OK that You're Not OK by Megan Devine (www.refugeingrief.com)
• Book of short meditations: Healing after Loss by Martha Whitmore Hickman
• Website: whatsyourgrief.com

Other episodes you might try:

• Courage to FEEL (#17) 
• Courage to CRY (#27)

If overwhelm isn't something you've struggled with in the past, this may have been the year where you've developed some empathy for this scary monster. And that's exactly what it is. When we are overshadowed by tasks, emotions, or circumstances we experience overwhelm. Learning to admit that we're experiencing more than we can handle is step number one in our journey of cultivating courage in overwhelm. In this episode we get to chatting about ways to pause, act with intention, and face this scary monster. Whether you're the strong personality who needs to be vulnerable enough to ask for help. Or the tentative type who needs to believe that you can win this battle, this episode is for you.

If 2020 was anything it was overwhelming. Take a break and listen. We've got tools to help you through it! 

As we approach the holidays, we're also approaching more time with our families (unless Covid has something to say about this...yikes!).

Why does family require courage?

Because relationships require courage.

And our family relationships can be our trickiest ones.

Tune in for some encouragement navigating YOUR family.

Other episodes you might want to check out:

Episode 5: Courage in Relationships

Episode 24: Courage to Say Hard Things

This may be my favorite harvest from our “quarantine project” that became a full on podcast. In this episode we talk about our favorite books that have helped us cultivate courage. From embracing the potential to edit our own stories to accepting that intimacy and vulnerability have an impact on how courageous we are with others, it’s all here.

Equip yourself with voices and guidance to:

Be More Assertive.

Improve Your Self-Esteem.

Set Boundaries.

Celebrate the Gift of Ordinary.

Be Inspired to Dream.

Fight Fear.

Pursue Your Passion.

Find Your Voice.

and so much more! 

There's a good chance 2020 has required some pivoting in your life!

How do we handle it when a change a direction is required? How do we muster the courage to make difficult shifts? Sometimes a shift can feel like failure, we might feel the loss of the goal we were working towards, maybe we worry about disappointing others (or ourselves). How can we move through these changes with courage, to find the opportunities in the pivot? Listen in!

We don't think it's any great mystery that it takes courage to cry. Most of us avoid crying in front of others, or maybe avoid crying altogether. It means confronting feelings, letting others see we have feelings...it can feel tremendously vulnerable.

In this episode we talk about how to grow our courage in letting our tears flow. And if you haven't cried in a long time, how to prime the pump and move towards allowing your emotions to surface. If you've been taught that crying is weakness, we want to change your mind!

Related episode: #17 - Courage to Feel

It's not hard to understand why failing requires courage! 

But if we're going to accomplish anything at all in this life...whether a job, a relationship, a skill...we have to be willing to face the possibility that it might not exactly go as well as we hope or expect.

Listen in to this episode for practical tips on preparing ourselves for failure, with the biggest being a mindset shift to remove the concept of "failure" from your life entirely. (Yes, really).

Even success requires courage!

What if I'm not as good as I want to be? 

What if I actually get what I want, can I withstand the pressure, can I keep it up?

What if I find that what I thought I wanted isn't as great as I hoped?

Being out in front, doing well can set you up for exposure, vulnerability, responsibility, increased risk, increased pressure.

Admitting you want something can be scary! 

And if your success is tied to your sense of self-worth, it gets even scarier.

Listen in to this episode for some practical tips to face success with courage.

Hand up if you've ever dreaded having a difficult conversation. Yeah, me too.

In this episode, we talk about all the reasons we might want to avoid having a difficult conversation...and all the reasons why we shouldn't. What happens if you don't have the conversation, and what do you make possible in your life and relationships if you do. We walk you through some practical steps for mastering this important life skill.

We can do hard things!

You know what takes courage? Taking a real honest look in the mirror. What if you see something you don't like? What if you learn something about yourself that you'd rather not know? What if you find something that you really have to work on but don't know where to start? 

Allowing yourself to be open WITH yourself ABOUT yourself is a vital human skill, and one that we need to consistently apply courage to.

In this episode we talk about all the reasons WHY this takes courage. WHY we should do it. (Spoiler: for really good reasons!). And we even get practical about HOW you should do it. Listen in!

Making decisions can be overwhelming! We make SO MANY DECISIONS every day! Decision fatigue is a real thing, and in this episode, we talk about how to move through our life's decisions with courage and how to protect ourselves from getting worn out with decision fatigue.

When you're faced with a really big decision, it can be tempting to put it off. What if you make the wrong choice? Or what if you wait just a little bit longer and the right choice will become clear? Let us walk you through some steps to make the decisions that are hanging you up. Listen in!

Resources in this episode:

In today's episode we talk about the everyday stuff in our lives right now requiring courage. And what we're doing to protect ourselves from discouragement and ways we're finding encouragement.

Sometimes we're not even aware of all the ways we're using our courage EACH AND EVERY DAY, and all the opportunities we have daily to cultivate our courage, to work it like a muscle.

What's requiring courage in YOUR life right now?

We are celebrating Melissa's book launch today! 

To love is to be vulnerable, and as you've heard us say so many times, vulnerability always requires courage!

When you allow yourself to love, you open yourself up to the pain of rejection, of loss, of disappointment. You open yourself to care and worry. Things MATTER once love is involved. And when we make a commitment to love, we're in it "for better or for worse"...we commit to weathering hard things with those we love.

In this episode we talk about why this is a step of courage we should take and how to take it. Listen in!

Here is the full text of the CS Lewis quote we shared during the episode:

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”

Oh boy, can hope be scary or what?? 

Hope is that feeling or belief that the thing we want can be had or that events will turn out for the best. Hope is vital to our lives...but it can also be so vulnerable!

Why does hope require courage? Because what if it doesn't work out? What if it's not as good as we thought it would be? How will you manage disappointment?

In this episode we talk about how to manage the risk you take when you put yourself out there to hope and how to move forward with courage. Listen in!

Do you have feelings that you avoid? Feelings that you feel guilty about? Feelings that feel too overwhelming to even consider allowing yourself to feel? 

Staying with our feelings and allowing ourselves to feel ALL of them is so very courageous! In this episode we talk all about why you SHOULD feel all the feelings, what you're missing out on if you don't, and most importantly HOW to do this. Listen in!

If you've been in this world for even a minute you know that loving our bodies is NOT the norm. Learning to love your body can be downright revolutionary, and courage is required to overcome the difficult feelings you might harbor towards it.

In this episode we talk about how to separate our worth from our appearance, how to love our bodies even when they don't conform to (arbitrary and often dangerous) beauty standards, and finding balance between wanting to look good and placing our value in our looks. We share some practical tips and strategies to start moving away from body shame towards body love.

Courage and procrastination might not seem like a natural combination. Why would courage be needed to overcome procrastination? Don't we just need productivity hacks???

Procrastination is not about laziness, and overcoming it isn't about finding the willpower or motivation to power through.

In this episode we talk about how courage to face our difficult emotions is actually the key to overcoming procrastination. Listen in!

Making friends can call for a lot of courage! 

In putting yourself out there, connecting with others, you're saying, "I like you...do you like me? This is me, do you accept or reject me?" It's so much vulnerability!

In friendship, you're investing in another person. Will it be worth it? The closer you get to someone, the bigger the risk of pain if something goes wrong in the relationship. It takes courage to keep growing closer.

In friendship, we let others know us, and that can feel exposing. Am I giving another person power to hurt me by revealing myself?

Some strategies for making friends: 

Be available, create opportunities

Be intentional

Start conversations, be curious, use FORD (family, occupation, recreation, dreams)

Be a good listener, be interested

Seek commonalities (interests, values, etc)

Be reliable, trustworthy,

Be a safe place

Be vulnerable

Ultimately be the kind of friend you want - check in with yourself

We make it so personal when others don’t immediately see the amazing friendship potential, but a lot of times it’s not about us (we're sure it sometimes is, but it’s often not) - life is busy, people aren’t in the same place of prioritizing a new friendship, they might have the same comfort level.

Takeaway: Making, having, and being a friend requires courage! But it’s worth it to get that deep connection and support.

Action step: Are you in need of a friend? Take steps to make yourself available and identify who you might take the next step with. Need more depth in your existing friendships? What is one step you can do to move the needle?

We don't think it's too big a mystery why apologizing requires courage. We're admitting we were wrong, that we hurt someone. We're taking ownership and responsibility. We're opening ourselves up to the possibility that our apology won't be accepted, that the relationship won't be fixed, that there could be an AWKWARD CONVERSATION. 

You may have heard "Love means never having to say you're sorry," but that is DEAD WRONG. In a healthy relationship, saying you're sorry when you've hurt someone is vital. Not apologizing is not an option if you want deep, authentic, healthy meaningful relationships where both parties feel safe.

By apologizing, you are able to:

• Acknowledge that you were wrong.
  
• Discuss what is allowed and not allowed in your relationship.
  
• Express your regret and remorse.
  
• Learn from your mistakes and find new ways of dealing with difficult situations.
  
• Open up a line of communication with the other person.
  

How to move toward a tough apology:

• Is there someone you can talk to about it? Get support and accountability
  
• Write out what you want to say, role play (though stay open to it not going that way) - helps to have a plan
  
• Pep talk yourself - acknowledge how hard it is to yourself, what results you’re hoping for, and how you can prepare yourself if expectations aren’t met
  
• Have an aftercare plan for yourself...steps of courage can be really draining!
  
• Remember: who do YOU want to be? Focus on WHY this is important to do
  

Take away: Being a good human means we take the courageous step and apologize when we have hurt others.

Action step: Take stock: how are you at apologizing? Is there an apology you’ve been avoiding or now realize you need to make? What’s one thing you can do to move toward that?

Hello you beautiful unicorn! You magnificent weirdo! You are so wonderfully unique, amazing in your very you-ness.

There is nothing more courageous or interesting than being you.

When we put our real, authentic, lovely selves out there, we are also opening ourselves up to other people's opinions, their thoughts and feelings about us can be validating or rejecting, and that's scary! Vulnerable! Risky! Hence: Courage is required.

If you really knew me, would you still love me? 

Who "should" I be in any given moment? How heavy is that pressure? Can I shed it?

I'm not as tall, smart, outgoing, athletic, well-read, etc etc etc as you...is that okay?

When you are yourself, you give other people permission to be themselves too.

And our deepest wish is to be known for exactly who we are, and being known, we want to be loved exactly as we are.

Three questions for getting to know yourself:

1. Who are you?
   
2. Where do you want to be?
   
3. Is what you’re doing getting you closer or further away from that goal?
   

Takeaway: We are all unicorns. Including you.

Action step: Answer the three questions.

Some yeses don’t require much courage. But a lot of times YES requires a big ol’ chunk of courage. In this episode we talk about what can make some yeses so scary, and how to draw on courage to step up, to move into growth and new challenges.

Some questions to help evaluate your YES:

What am I afraid of? What is holding me back?

Is saying yes aligned with my values? Would the person I want to be say yes or no to this?

Three years from now would I regret saying no to this?

Is saying yes related to pleasing someone or not disappointing someone? If I took that away, would my answer change?

What are the opportunities in this yes? How can I grow and what can I learn?

Will this yes stretch me, take me out of my comfort zone, challenge me?

Action Step: Identify a “yes” you have been avoiding. Consider this your nudge to step up.

First things first: have you tried grasshopper tacos? Former picky eater, Lisa, has used her courage to overcome her picky past many times and recently had grasshopper tacos at Taquiza in Miami. Crunchy, tastes like popcorn, overall not her fave taco filling. But hey, worth a try. [I guess].

Okay, now the real stuff: why is trying again so hard?

Usually trying again comes after some failure, something not going as planned, something painful.

So maybe trying in the first place was hard. Vulnerability was required. And vulnerability is a risk. And then that didn’t go so well...so now there’s scar tissue to overcome if you’re going to try again.

In this episode we talk about how to navigate those hurts and scars to find the courage to try again.

Are you good at waiting? Waiting can be so hard! We prefer action over inaction, being active versus being passive. We want to be making things happen, rather than feeling stuck in limbo.

In this episode we talk about what makes waiting so difficult and what is needed to wait well. And how to lean into the growth of a waiting season, and to maybe even find the purpose and the positives in waiting.

The coronavirus is giving us all a HUGE lesson in coping with uncertainty.

In this episode we talk about why uncertainty is so hard, why it makes us feel so very vulnerable. And in the face of uncertainty, how do we cultivate peace, how do we ground ourselves, how do we gain some semblance of control when so much is out of our control. Courage helps us move forward when uncertainty might otherwise leave us paralyzed.

This is a huge topic we will return to over and over, but in this episode we start the conversation on the courage required in relationships.

We discuss the courage required and the steps to increasing depth in your relationships. Who deserves your trust? What are signs it’s safe to move forward? When should you take a step back?

To have increased intimacy, closeness, connection, vulnerability, you have to take risks. How do you tolerate that risk?

In this episode, we get to know Lisa a bit more, and hear a slice of her story.

Ten Things Other People Like but Lisa Doesn’t

1. Wearing sneakers
   
2. Jogging (and not because of sneakers)
   
3. Saying “It is what it is”
   
4. Mustard
   
5. Pedicures
   
6. Wedding receptions
   
7. Fruit pies
   
8. Being licked by a dog
   
9. Caffeine
   
10. Getting/having a tan (tough as a Floridian!)
    
11. BONUS: cold weather (defined as anything below 70F!)

In this episode Lisa and Melissa delve into "what is courage?" Hear about our courageous beginning over one word. We'll invite you to:

• Develop your own perspective of courage.
• Define fear's place in relationship to courage.
• Understand the role your beliefs play in your understanding of courage.
• Learn how to cultivate courage - and recognize where you need it most.

Quote from the episode, " Courage is like a muscle, if you don't use it you lose it."

ACTION STEPS : Define courage for yourself and find areas of your life where you need it. Ask someone who loves you where they see you may need to live with courage.

Welcome to The Cost is Courage - a conversational podcast about how hard it is to be human and the courage required. Author and Courage Champion, Melissa C. Dyer and Psychologist and Courage Coach, Dr. Lisa K. Baker talk about often overlooked everyday situations that call us to exercise courage to do life well.

Full episodes begin May 14th 2020 with new episodes dropping every Thursday. You can catch a teaser here where Melissa and Lisa reveal what you can expect from the show, talking about social distancing and boundaries.

To get the latest subscribe to the show.