The Diary of Jane Doe

I am nobody. Technically somebody, but barely. But I can’t stay silent anymore. This is just the beginning of several podcasts to come. I can’t live like this anymore. I’m suffocating from all the silence . So although this may be hard, because who knows what will come of this, I have no other options. This is my life. My story. For better or worse, I’m going to let in anyone who wants to listen.

With that year that shall not be named behind us, 2021 made its long-awaited debut A few hours ago. For that I’m super grateful and everything, but you kinda took your sweet ass time. All of us, and I mean everyone that showed up at your debut, need you to remember we are all emotionally damaged, and you got a lot of work to do. S.O.S HELP US !

It’s 2 AM. Insomnia might not win tonight, I think I’m tired. On rare occasions, when delirium sets in, my thoughts escape from a place deep down inside with me, that rarely ever see the light.

Population just one. Guess who? Guess me? Who you. Yes you’re right. It’s me. And even though we’ve been over this, well technically I’ve been over this because it’s basically me talking to myself, me is well who the hell really knows. Somebody knows thats who, because they signed my birth certificate in the hospital when I was born. Which happens to be related to today’s podcast.

It’s been awhile.. I know, and if you are one of the few who have listened to this podcast please forgive my rude absence. Life has been a shit show most of 2020, in which Im the lead stunt persons

I made a quick trip to the store, this afternoon, and while waiting to checkout I did bought something other than my usual Reese’s Outrageous Candy Bar. I ended up grabbing Magnolia Journal out of the sea of magazines. I’m so glad I did. For whoever needs a moment of inner peace and comfort this is for you. Magnolia Journal will heal whatever piece of you, you need in that moment you read it.

A song by Five Finger Death Punch. I feel that. This podcast is different than my usual ranty, sarcastic kind of vibe. I needed to speak my truth. Speak out to anyone who needs to hear that you’re not the only ones struggling with overwhelming sadness and mental health issues. Maybe you just feel alone in the world. This podcast is me sharing my struggles and just how sad, alone, and lost I am.

On tonight’s podcast, join me, or don’t. I’m not here to make decisions for you. Unless that’s what you came here for, and I’ll be happy to let you down with my inability to assist you with that. At the moment the only decision making skills I possess are the ones having to do with how I’m getting to the store to replace the tropical sour patch kids I’ve unfortunately run out of. And the decisions I’ll eventually have to make when I realize the copic markers I have are just not enough anymore and I end up on Mercari trying to talk my way into getting free shipping because I can only afford $14, the $1 extra shipping just won’t do.. So yeah back to the point of this pointless description that I’ll never fully finish because who needs a punchline.

So here’s the cold hard truth, i’m sad and I’m tired and I wanted to make my boyfriend smile. He digs my crazy, and gets along well with all 15 personalities. Three of them didn’t have a name now there’s only two of them that don’t have a name. Sidenote: we discussed my new pitch to all school boards out there on a new language we should teach in school.

I will spend the next four minutes moaning like a whore

These words as hard as they are to say, can’t stay in my mind. They will make me crazy and there’s no one I trust enough to say them out loud to. Trust not to repeat, trust not to judge. But I can’t live with them on my thoughts, playing on repeat.

I could legit hang out with myself all the time and always be entertained. My mind is a vast, fascinating vortex of peculiar mysteries left unsolved. Unfortunately I’m too meticulous to get through the chaos to expose that of which we do not know.

I’m addicted to watching YouTube and I get sucked in to one video and hours later I’ve become this YouTube zombie with the need to comment on videos,

I haven’t slept. I’m almost 8 months it feels like. I’m terrified to wake up and realize once again none of this was a dream.

This podcast includes personality disorders, much to do about nothing, please go get therapy, and I hope 2019 is just as unforgettable as last year.

I don’t even know why I make this podcasts. Nobody is really even listening. Just a normal day of being heard by no one. I guess I just need to speak without fear of commentary.

I need to learn how to let words pass through my lips in a more elegant manner. In my head and on paper I can express my thoughts with ease. I spend most of my time connecting with people who are physically not present thanks to an electronic device. I know how to be me behind a computer screen. Why can’t I do the same in person?

There are days my silence wants to be heard. Most of the time there’s no one who wants to listen. This was one of those days.

This could be forever or this could be a moment. With all the chaos that was surrounding me, there you were, and holy shit..