The Mother Rogue: Local and Long Distance Non-Custodial Parenting

By Cristina Miller

The Mother Rogue is a podcast about non-custodial and long distance parenting, as told by a non-custodial, long distance parent. For 14 years I've been a NCP. For 9, an LDP. I've learned a lot on the road. Every week I talk about how to live apart from your kids while staying connected to them. Feedback welcome!

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The Mother Rogue: Local and Long Distance Non-Custodial ParentingJun 29, 2019

00:00

19:20

The Crusading Non-Custodial Parent

As I am fond of reminding people, I've been a NCP for 15 years...and I fought my fearless co-parent for 14 of them. I fought to see my son. I fought to get missed visitation made up. I fought to be the person TheEx called when he needed a babysitter. I fought to be included in every minute of my son's life. I fought for TheEx to parent the way I thought our son should be parented. I fought for all the things I thought I should have as a NCP.

...and then I stopped fighting. I learned to value what was most important: the person - the child - I so desperately wanted to be important to. The child I so desperately wanted to have a relationship with.

I didn't give up. I didn't decide to follow the legal stuff about keeping my head held high. I decided to enjoy my brilliant kid, and to stop being so hard on myself.

This episode, we talk about that...

Apr 14, 202024:05

Coparenting During COVID-19

The current COVID-19 crisis has caused a lot of contention in the co-parenting community. Visitation is being denied in some cases. Parents are arguing in others. Missed visits are not being made up, or the residential parent is not agreeing to allow them to be made up when the crisis lifts. Many of us, including myself, are separated from our kids and don't know when we'll see them again. Before you call your divorce attorney, listen to my direct from the trenches experience. As always, if you need to vent, cry, rant, or rave, you know where to find me on Twitter: @cristinamr68

#divorce #custody #non-custodial parent #non-custodial Mom #non-custodial dad

Apr 08, 202022:01

How to be There for Your Child in an Emergency

Kids have emergencies. Kids get hurt. Kids get discouraged. Kids go to the E/R. Kids .. well they're mini-humans. They have all the same stuff adults have. When you're a long distance or local custodian more than 45 minutes away, you can't always get there when emergencies happen. First of all: don't feel guilty about that. YOU are human. This week, I talk about ways to be there for your kids when emergencies happen and you can't be there in person. As always, feel free to reach out with your feedback, comments, suggestions for future episodes, etc.: CristinaMR68@gmail.com; @cristinamr68 (Twitter); www.themotherrogue.com.

Happy Listening.

You are all GREAT parents!!!!

Mar 04, 202027:35

Making Time For Yourself In The Empty Spaces

Hello Mother and Father Rogues!

I am back from Holiday Break. I took some time to breathe, read, and reorder my life. Oh yes! I also spent time with my Leading Man #1. Anywhoo, break's over. This week's episode of The Mother Rogue is a reminder that it's important to live in the empty spaces we are not parenting, and a suggestion on how. Happy listening! As always, feel free to send me your feedback, topic suggestions, or if you just want to commiserate about missing your son or daughter. Cristinamr68@readactively.org #noncustodialmom #noncustodialdad #noncustodialparent #divorce #custody

Jan 21, 202009:53

That Awkward Moment With the PTA

It happens to all of us eventually: we meet a group of Moms whose kids have grown up together and feel excluded. Here are some suggestions for getting past that and not feeling guilty.

Oct 24, 201919:22

(Almost) Guilt Free Living

In this episode, I breathe through the nagging feeling I have has since last Wednesday that I should be in NJ with my son... like, that actual moment last Wednesday. Tips for how you can breathe through those same moments, and more ways to stay connected to your kid when you’re apart.

Oct 22, 201912:54

Holi-DAYZE

Tips for sharing the holidays with your kids, even when you aren’t with them.

Sep 29, 201933:11

Text Wars!

It’s always best NOT to communicate with a co-parent via text. Here’s a frank discussion of why.

Sep 26, 201915:19

Hard To Say Goodbye

It’s always so hard to drop our kids off with their residential parent at the end of our time with them. It hurts. Maybe, though, we should be happy for that time and try not to let the pain of separation mar the memories of that all too brief visit.

Sep 01, 201916:43

Once a Mom or Dad, Always a Mom or Dad

I recently discovered that just because I haven’t been residential parent in 14 years does not mean I am not any good as one. I am, and so are you.

Aug 24, 201911:43

They Don’t Remember The Exciting Trips, They Remember You Were There

Time with our kids doesn’t have to be packed with trips or activities all the time. Sometimes just chilling out together is perfect.

Aug 13, 201913:55

(Happily) Driving My Life Away

Long distance parents spend a lot of time diving to and from seeing their kids. Here are some suggestions for making the most of those hours behind the wheel.

Aug 05, 201921:13

The Mother Rogue

Thinking today of all the ways non-custodial moms are still actively involved in their kids lives moms. Fun fact: you can be a helicopter parent from several hundred miles away. Just ask my son’s teachers. 😊

Jul 17, 201920:55

Should I Stay or Should I Go Now?

As much as you want to spend time with your child, there are sometimes good reasons to cancel a trip. Here are 3 I’ve learned the hard way. Feel guilt-free to learn from my mistakes. 😊

Jul 06, 201920:16

You Said What?!?!

What to do when your fearless co-parent and ex doesn’t ask you before providing information about you to someone who cares for your child... Or gives wrong or out of date information about you. Ah the joys of being or having an ex!

Jun 29, 201919:20

Being Truly Alive Even If This Isn’t The Life We planned

No parent ever plans to live apart from their kids. That doesn’t mean we should feel guilty for living our best life. Thank you @RobGorski, The Autism Dad, for this week’s inspiration.

Jun 25, 201922:15

Staying Connected To Your Kid's Life

Happy Friday Fellow Road Warriors,
Today I talk - okay, ramble on, let's call it what it is - about how to connect with your child's teachers and medical providers and tips for staying informed about your child's life. I also explain how "attend" events, such as parent teacher conferences, doctor's appointments, and school events when you can't actually hop a plane or hit the highway.
Happy Listening! As always, feel free to reach out with comments, suggestions, questions, or for commiseration: Cristinamr68@readactively.org.
You are all great parents!
--CMR

Jun 14, 201924:27

Coping - Guilt Free and From a Distance- with The Worst You Didn’t Think Could Happen

Even when a parent does their best, things happen to our kids. This week I talk about coping - guilt free - when they do.

Jun 07, 201926:34

The Keyword in ‘Non-Custodial Mom’ is MOM!

Being a non-residential noncustodial mom is hard. Not only do we miss our kids, but society tends to assume the worst about us because we don’t live with our children. Let’s talk about that. Over coffee, of course…

Jun 01, 201925:45

Control! Control! Control!

As a non-custodial parent, you can end up feeling like you have no control over your child’s like and your fearless co-parent has carte blanche to do what they please. Let’s talk about that for a sec...

Jun 01, 201931:46

Great, Your Kid's Hurt, And You're X Number of Miles Away

In this episode, we take a ride down MA Route 2 as I expound on the outright stinkiness of being unable to get to your kid when they're hurting physically, emotionally, or socially. I also offer a list - in between trying to get out of fellow commuters riding my Toyota's drift - on things you can do when this happens. Feel free to count the number of "Uuummmm"'s with me, too.

Happy Listening,

The Mother Rogue

https://because-autism.blog

May 26, 201905:19

The Importance of Outrageous Self Care

I routinely ignore colds, coughs, bumps, and bruises until I am a week out from seeing my Leading Man #1, at which point I realize that in order to enjoy my time with my son, I have to be healthy. In this episode we explore how NOT to be me by taking proactive care of yourself, why that is especially important as a long distance parent, and why mental health is as important as physical health. Enjoy!

May 21, 201918:53

Filling The Off Parent-Duty Gap

When you're non-residential or long distance custodian you have a lot of "non-parenting" time on your hands. This episode offers suggestions for filling that time so you don't miss your kids too much when you're away from them.

I recorded this one from my kitchen on my laptop, so no driving static. Yay! :)

May 14, 201924:21