The New Old Testament

The New Old Testament

By Jay Willem
South Park meets the Bible.

A re-imagining of the Old Testament as told to you by the drunk guy at the party. A drunk guy who seriously knows his scripture... and who sounds like a robot because the writer can't voice-act for shit or afford a proper narrator.
Genesis 14-18: King of the Sodomites (Season 1, Episode 6)
What happens when Lot abandons Abraham to go live in Sodom? Orgies, mass circumcisions and multiple bloodbaths. Written and edited by Jay Willem Sign up to get the text version delivered to your inbox every week at Substack Intro and outro music from Soap at Looperman.com
28:31
September 22, 2019
Genesis 10-13: Abe Breaks Bad (Season 1, Episode 5)
What happens when God tells Abraham he’s going to be the father of a great nation? The world’s first skyscraper gets abandoned, people start speaking in tongues and Walter White turns into Heisenberg. Written and edited by Jay Willem Sign up to get the text version delivered to your inbox every week at Substack Intro and outro music from Soap at Looperman.com
24:44
September 21, 2019
Genesis 6-9: God Kills Everyone (Except Noah) (Season 1, Episode 4)
What happens when horny angels come down to earth and create a race of giant angel-human hybrids? Nick Nolte imparts the secrets of life, Noah builds an ark and someone gets a little too friendly with the animals. Written and edited by Jay Willem Sign up to get the text version delivered to your inbox every week at Substack Intro and outro music from Soap at Looperman.com
32:49
September 21, 2019
Genesis 5: Adam’s F***ed Up Family Tree (Season 1, Episode 3)
What happens when Adam and Eve populate the world through inbreeding? Pretty much what you’d expect – bestiality, cold-blooded murder and a lot of confusingly-similar names. Written and edited by Jay Willem Sign up to get the text version delivered to your inbox every week at Substack Intro and outro music from Soap at Looperman.com
19:41
September 21, 2019
Genesis 4: Bro-Down At High Noon (Season 1, Episode 2)
What happens when God chooses Abel’s sacrifice over Cain’s? Odds are, you’re familiar with the story. Or are you? Take a look at an alternate Bible history where Cain does worse than just kill his brother, and God makes a deal with the devil. Written and edited by Jay Willem Sign up to get the text version delivered to your inbox every week at Substack Intro and outro music from Soap at Looperman.com
19:25
September 21, 2019
Genesis 1-3: Snake Party (Season 1, Episode 1)
What happens when God has a few beers and decides to create the earth? At first, nothing. Everything’s going pretty well. But when God decides to create people, that’s when things start to unravel. Written and edited by Jay Willem Sign up to get the text version delivered to your inbox every week at Substack Intro and outro music from Soap at Looperman.com
28:19
September 21, 2019
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