The Patrauma Party

Ughhhh. Getting honest with ourselves about our abandonment wound can give us all the ick. But did you know that your abandonment wound is actually a super intelligent response to abuse? and that it actually means your system is operating exactly as it should? In this episode, I welcome somatic practitioner Veronica Rottman to the show to talk about how the abandonment wound lives in the body and what it looks like to heal.

The contents of this podcast are provided for informational purposes only. None of the material presented is intended to be a substitute for psychotherapy, counseling, professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you need to speak with a professional, you can find one local to you and reach out directly, or, in the US, you can call 988 to connect with the Suicide & Crisis Hotline.

https://www.opheliasplace.org/resources
https://equip.health/articles
https://www.nalgonapositivitypride.com/
https://www.sonyareneetaylor.com/books/the-body-is-not-an-apology-the-power-of-radical-self-love-h2x6p
https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/help-support

The contents of this podcast are provided for informational purposes only. None of the material presented is intended to be a substitute for psychotherapy, counseling, professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you need to speak with a professional, you can find one local to you and reach out directly, or, in the US, you can call 988 to connect with the Suicide & Crisis Hotline.

Anyone else find themselves talking about men like they're a terrifying alien species? There's obviously a lot of cultural rhetoric around distrusting men ("men are dogs," "a good man is hard to find"), but even the quip is rooted in trauma. So when we're out there trying to heal from [*insert numerous possible traumas here: assault, betrayal, abuse, being over-sexualized, etc.*], and the trauma seems to get stacked one on the other in real time—in our own lives *and* in the world around us—where do we even begin? In this episode, I welcome The Heartbreak Doula Tatiana Simone to talk us through healing the heartbreak that lies at the center of distrusting men.

The contents of this podcast are provided for informational purposes only. None of the material presented is intended to be a substitute for psychotherapy, counseling, professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you need to speak with a professional, you can find one local to you and reach out directly, or, in the US, you can call 988 to connect with the Suicide & Crisis Hotline.

Regret can absolutely take us down. It can diminish our resilience, hope, and faith in life. BUT—cool fact—it can also be a key tool in retrieving the parts of our authentic selves that we've lost along the way. In this episode, I welcome Renee Tate back to the pod to help us understand the ways we work through the pain of regret, and the ways we tap into the power of regret.

The contents of this podcast are provided for informational purposes only. None of the material presented is intended to be a substitute for psychotherapy, counseling, professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you need to speak with a professional, you can find one local to you and reach out directly, or, in the US, you can call 988 to connect with the Suicide & Crisis Hotline.

It's my 50th episode!!! [*Insert many emojis*] Thanks to everyone for coming along with me on this trauma ride—we out here healing! This week, I welcome clinical psychologist Dr. Lindsay O'Shea to the show to talk us through healing from trauma bonding in childhood and adult relationships—what those bonds look like, how they impact our mental health and attachment styles, and how we reclaim ourselves and leave these toxic cycles.

The contents of this podcast are provided for informational purposes only. None of the material presented is intended to be a substitute for psychotherapy, counseling, professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you need to speak with a professional, you can find one local to you and reach out directly, or, in the US, you can call 988 to connect with the Suicide & Crisis Hotline. 

Thank you for your patience! So many listeners have requested this topic. In this episode, I welcome Patruama Party listener and trauma-informed health coach Brittanie Pope to talk to us about her trauma being raised in the church—from disassociation, to shame, to losing trust. I also welcome licensed marriage and family therapist Willow Katz to the show to talk us through finding your center again, releasing shame, and learning the value of authenticity.

The contents of this podcast are provided for informational purposes only. None of the material presented is intended to be a substitute for psychotherapy, counseling, professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you need to speak with a professional, you can find one local to you and reach out directly, or, in the US, you can call 988 to connect with the Suicide & Crisis Hotline. 

Anyone else want to crawl into a hole when this topic comes up? It is SO vulnerable and SO painful to talk about the times we've had suicidal ideation, but it's actually pretty common, and if you suffer from CPTSD, it's even more common. In this episode, I welcome my dear friend and the founder of yoga and wellness platform Coincide, Courtney Higgins, to have a real, honest conversation about what it looks like to go into that space, how we can work with those thoughts, and how we can help our friends who are having suicidal ideation. Also, we mention a couple THC products that have helped us. Here's the one Court sent me, and here's the one I talked about.

The contents of this podcast are provided for informational purposes only. None of the material presented is intended to be a substitute for psychotherapy, counseling, professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you need to speak with a professional, you can find one local to you and reach out directly, or, in the US, you can call 988 to connect with the Suicide & Crisis Hotline. 

Boundaries are literally THE life lesson. Like, if we learn nothing else before parting with this earth, let us learn what the hell healthy boundaries are and how the ef we uphold them. In this episode, I'm joined by consciousness guide Pam Curran to talk us through her take on healthy boundaries, why "You suck" is not a boundary (womp womp), and how we maintain what she calls "soul esteem" in our quest for healthy boundaries and healthy relationships. PLUS, she introduces the toxic communication pattern of DARVO to the pod. BLEW MY MIND. Here's a case study in case you want another example of how DARVO works.

The contents of this podcast are provided for informational purposes only. None of the material presented is intended to be a substitute for psychotherapy, counseling, professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you need to speak with a professional, you can find one local to you and reach out directly, or, in the US, you can call 988 to connect with the Suicide & Crisis Hotline. 

Turns out we all do it and turns out it's no buens. Not only does it make us feel like shit, but it also puts a huge strain on relationships. Not to mention the fact that sometimes taking something personally can lead us to deep depression and suicidal ideation. In this episode, I welcome marriage and family therapist Renee Tate back to the pod to talk about why we do it, how it impacts our lives, and how we heal.

The contents of this podcast are provided for informational purposes only. None of the material presented is intended to be a substitute for psychotherapy, counseling, professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you need to speak with a professional, you can find one local to you and reach out directly, or, in the US, you can call 988 to connect with the Suicide & Crisis Hotline. 

Cool fact: One time when I was like 16, I painted a girl looking terrified while someone covered her mouth with their hand so she couldn't speak. WHAT?? I'd forgotten about it completely until I was recently combing through old photos and was like: WOWWWWW THIS IS FUCKED. So many of us grew up feeling like we were invisible, powerless, and voiceless, and then we grew up and came to feel exactly the same way—it impacts our relationships, our communication, everything. In this episode, I welcome licensed clinical social worker, spiritual herbalist, and tarot reader Nat Strafaci to the show to talk about working through this pain and coming out the other side.

The contents of this podcast are provided for informational purposes only. None of the material presented is intended to be a substitute for psychotherapy, counseling, professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you need to speak with a professional, you can find one local to you and reach out directly, or, in the US, you can call 988 to connect with the Suicide & Crisis Hotline. 

We're not talkin' nostalgia, baby! Emotional flashbacks happen when we experienced ongoing abuse as children, and then we get a whiff of that experience as adults, (like, maybe you hear people yelling in the apartment next door or someone takes a long time to text you back (in the case of neglect or abandonment)) and suddenly our emotional state is FUCKED. The crazy thing is how often we have these flashbacks *without ever knowing that that's what's happening*—and instead of taking care of our post-traumatic stress, we go into a shame spiral thinking we're fucked up and crazy because we literally have no idea what's happening to us. BOOOOO—total shit scenario. To shed some light on all this, I welcome psychotherapist Amanda Ichihashi Jagerman back to the show to help us get clarity on how emotional flashbacks work and how we work with them.

The contents of this podcast are provided for informational purposes only. None of the material presented is intended to be a substitute for psychotherapy, counseling, professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you need to speak with a professional, you can find one local to you and reach out directly, or, in the US, you can call 988 to connect with the Suicide & Crisis Hotline. 

Emotional neglect! Just rolls off the tongue. It's a fun form of trauma that doesn't get the fanfare it deserves (all y'all out there searching CPTSD and anxious attachment style while emotional neglect is just over here alone in the corner ). But honestly—it's a tough topic to talk about because it's the *absence* of a thing. It's what *didn't* happen. And so it often goes unnoticed and unhealed, when actually the effects of emotional neglect go SUPER deep and show up all over our lives. In this episode, I welcome back intuitive healer and coach Jess Taylor to talk us through what it looks like, how it impacts our relationships, and how we heal.

The contents of this podcast are provided for informational purposes only. None of the material presented is intended to be a substitute for psychotherapy, counseling, professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you need to speak with a professional, you can find one local to you and reach out directly, or, in the US, you can call 988 to connect with the Suicide & Crisis Hotline. 

DEEP BREATH. Let me just start by saying, I HATE the term "daddy issues." It's SO sexist and misogynistic that men abuse their daughters, and then women become the ones who are shamed for it. So if you're feeling stigmatized for struggling emotionally because of your relationship (or lack thereof) with your dad, please know that you can let go of that shame. You aren't responsible for the abuse visited upon you, AND—when we're hurt right at the center of us—it's imperative that we get honest about how it's impacted us so that we can grow out of the fear, anxiety, truncated self-worth, and despair that can become second nature. In this episode, I welcome couples and family therapist Camila España to the show to talk about what the father/daughter wound is, how it impacts our relationships, and how we heal.

The contents of this podcast are provided for informational purposes only. None of the material presented is intended to be a substitute for psychotherapy, counseling, professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you need to speak with a professional, you can find one local to you and reach out directly or, in the US, you can call 988 to connect with the Suicide & Crisis Hotline. 

It already sucks to be broke, but for a lot of us, there's a lot more to money trauma than that. There's the feeling that you're not safe, the feeling that God or The Universe has abandoned you, the feeling of depression associated with money scarcity. In this episode, I welcome trauma psychologist and leadership coach Isha Vela to the show to talk about the connection between money trauma and relationship trauma, the somatic approach to understanding money fears, and how we heal our relationship to money.

The contents of this podcast are provided for informational purposes only. None of the material presented is intended to be a substitute for psychotherapy, counseling, professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you need to speak with a professional, you can find one local to you and reach out directly, or you can call 988 to connect with the national Suicide & Crisis Hotline. 

Hold up, wait a minute! [Insert Salt 'n Pepa rap] DO YOU KNOW ABOUT INTERMITTENT REINFORCEMENT??? It basically explains why we get stuck in relationships with people who treat us like human ball sacks! You guys. It's science. It's real. Lab rats were involved. And we HAVE to address it if we want to find relationships (romantic, platonic, professional—you name it) that actually meet our needs and make us happy. (Pro tip: Are you anxiously attached? Yes? Then you're even MORE likely to stay in relationships that involve intermittent reinforcement.) In this episode, I welcome licensed therapist and yoga teacher turned coach Sarah Snyder to talk to us about healing this deeply ingrained, super painful pattern.

The information provided on this podcast is for informational purposes only. None of the material presented is intended to be a substitute for psychotherapy, counseling, professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you need to speak with a professional, you can find one local to you and reach out directly, or you can call 988 to connect with the national Suicide & Crisis Hotline. 

We're mixing things up! This week, I welcome the creator and host of the Other Men Need Help podcast, Mark Pagán, onto the show to join me in a conversation about the deep and enduring bummer that is toxic masculinity. We talk about objectification, shame, hyper-independence, the male ego—and get into what's helped us work through the pain points so that we're not sitting around traumatized af (and traumatizing others as a result).

The information provided on this podcast is for informational purposes only. None of the material presented is intended to be a substitute for psychotherapy, counseling, professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. If you need to speak with a professional, you can find one local to you and reach out directly, or you can call 988 to connect with the national Suicide & Crisis Hotline. 

Truly, shocks should be illegal unless they involve large sums of money mysteriously appearing—NO FUCKING THANK YOU to shocking violence, betrayal, death, life transitions—the list goes on. In this episode, I welcome artist, therapist, and soft boi amateur poet Solasta McIntyre to the show to get into how shocks impact our mental health, the way shock and grief work together, and how we move through shocks without shutting down and telling the world to ef off forever. 

The information provided on this podcast is for informational purposes only. None of the material presented is intended to be a substitute for psychotherapy, counseling, professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. If you need to speak with a professional, you can find one local to you and reach out directly, or you can call 988 to connect with the national Suicide & Crisis Hotline.

It should be easy, right? We just ask ourselves what we want or what we feel, and voila! But for a lot of us, that gauge got effed up somewhere along the way. So, after we've made a decision we regret, after we've become knee-jerk people pleasers, after we were gaslit for years and came to doubt our instincts, after parentification, narcissistic abuse, or other CPTSD-inducing forms of abuse—how do we start to trust ourselves again? How do we make decisions in our own best interest? This week, registered psychotherapist, and founder and clinical director of New Moon Psychotherapy, Emilia Pacholec, joins me to talk about our journey to trusting ourselves again. 

The information provided on this podcast is for informational purposes only. None of the material presented is intended to be a substitute for psychotherapy, counseling, professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. If you need to speak with a professional, you can find one local to you and reach out directly, or you can call 988 to connect with the national Suicide & Crisis Hotline.

Vulnerability is literally the lifeline between you and all joy, and yet, simultaneously, it's fucking TERRIFYING AND TRAUMATIZING. Wth?? In this episode, Doctor of Clinical Psychology and The Anti-Soulmate Love Coach, Kari Lu Cowell (email: antisoulmatelove@gmail.com), joins me to sort through how we work with vulnerability in ways that feel safe for us, what it looks like to trust *ourselves* with vulnerability, and whether anger is really a secondary emotion that we hide our vulnerabilities under or if it's just another gateway to connection (OR BOTH). ALSO! The book Kari was thinking of is called Eloquent Rage by Brittney Cooper if you wanna check it out.

The information provided on this podcast is for informational purposes only. None of the material presented is intended to be a substitute for psychotherapy, counseling, professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. If you need to speak with a professional, you can find one local to you and reach out directly, or you can call 988 to connect with the national Suicide & Crisis Hotline.

Ever feel like drop-kicking people? and then rolling their bodies into a kiddie pool of dog poo? and then spraying them with a firehose every time they try to get out? and then yelling, "You look great!" while taking their picture? Then this one's for you, baby. In this episode, I welcome licensed marriage and family therapist Neda Ehya to the pod to talk about working through—and working *with*—resentments. 

The information provided on this podcast is for informational purposes only. None of the material presented is intended to be a substitute for psychotherapy, counseling, professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. If you need to speak with a professional, you can find one local to you and reach out directly, or you can call 988 to connect with the national Suicide & Crisis Hotline.

Just when you thought you'd learned all there was to know... In this episode, psychotherapist Amanda Ichihashi Jagerman joins me to dive back into the conversation on parentification: how it affects our attachment styles, the impact it has on our central nervous system, and how, as adults, we can interact in a healthy way with the parents who parentified us. 

The information provided on this podcast is for informational purposes only. None of the material presented is intended to be a substitute for psychotherapy, counseling, professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. If you need to speak with a professional, you can find one local to you and reach out directly, or you can call 988 to connect with the national Suicide & Crisis Hotline.

Literally betrayal is just a fucking nightmare. Cheating, lying, backstabbing—they just send you into a new, shit reality where suddenly there's no ground beneath your feet. But did you know that from a psychological standpoint, child abuse is also considered betrayal?? And that it can set you up to allow betrayals (of all kinds) into your life as an adult? That's just one of many things that mental health therapist and licensed clinical social worker Emma Bridges and I cover in this episode, along with how it affects our attachment styles, what self-limiting beliefs we create to survive it, and how we heal.

The information provided on this podcast is for informational purposes only. None of the material presented is intended to be a substitute for psychotherapy, counseling, professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. If you need to speak with a professional, you can find one local to you and reach out directly, or you can call 988 to connect with the national Suicide & Crisis Hotline. 

It's honestly a very chill feeling. It's like: I'm too much. My feelings are too big. They make people reject me. And so I'll never be loved! In this episode, I welcome marriage and family therapist Sarah Breunig back to the pod to talk about transforming out of the heartbreaking belief that we're too much.

The information provided on this podcast is for informational purposes only. None of the material presented is intended to be a substitute for psychotherapy, counseling, professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. If you need to speak with a professional, you can find one local to you and reach out directly, or you can call 988 to connect with the national Suicide & Crisis Hotline.

Parentification and emotional incest are considered "invisible" forms of abuse because they often go unnoticed, but the repercussions are, to be frank, a huge bummer. In this episode, I welcome psychotherapist Amanda Ichihashi Jagerman to walk us through what parentification is, how it affects us as adults (cough *no boundaries* cough *lack of identity* cough *depression* cough cough), and how we get on the path to healing from it. 

The information provided on this podcast is for informational purposes only. None of the material presented is intended to be a substitute for psychotherapy, counseling, professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. If you need to speak with a professional, you can find one local to you and reach out directly, or you can call 988 to connect with the national Suicide & Crisis Hotline.

So there's PTSD (you've probably heard of it), but there's also Complex PTSD—where you experience trauma over months or years. It's like PTSD for overachievers. (*sob emoji*) In this episode, I sit down with marriage and family therapist Renee Tate to talk about the symptoms of Complex PTSD and how we shift out of that toilet bowl of sadness.

The information provided on this podcast is for informational purposes only. None of the material presented is intended to be a substitute for psychotherapy, counseling, professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. If you need to speak with a professional, you can find one local to you and reach out directly, or you can call 988 to connect with the national Suicide & Crisis Hotline.

Did you know we have different personalities in our heads battling it out with each other and our "selves" all the time?? In this episode, IFS therapist Carissa Aresta joins me to talk about Internal Family Systems—what it is, how it works, and how we use it to dismantle shame and fear and get on the self-love train—plus she demos for us! Side note: I cry in this epi!! You've been forewarned.

The information provided on this podcast is for informational purposes only. None of the material presented is intended to be a substitute for psychotherapy, counseling, professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. If you need to speak with a professional, you can find one local to you and reach out directly, or you can call 988 to connect with the national Suicide & Crisis Hotline.

OOF. One of the hardest things in working on yourself is being like: Maybe this is actually about me? In this episode, I'm joined by somatic Enneagram coach and co-host of The Enneagram Typecast podcast, Caryn Berley. We get into what the shadow is, how it shows up personally and culturally, and how we work with it so it doesn't work us.

The information provided on this podcast is for informational purposes only. None of the material presented is intended to be a substitute for psychotherapy, counseling, professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. If you need to speak with a professional, you can find one local to you and reach out directly, or you can call 988 to connect with the national Suicide & Crisis Hotline.

Feeling unsafe from childhood, feeling unsafe in your body, feeling unsafe in your country—it's all fucked, and it can affect every single aspect of your adult life. In this episode, I'm joined by intuitive healer and coach Jess Taylor to talk about the root of feeling unsafe and what we can do to shift it.

The information provided on this podcast is for informational purposes only. None of the material presented is intended to be a substitute for psychotherapy, counseling, professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. If you need to speak with a professional, you can find one local to you and reach out directly, or you can call 988 to connect with the national Suicide & Crisis Hotline.

Nothing like showing up to the party of life with the overwhelming feeling that people don't really love you! So cool, so chill. In this episode, I get down into the depths of feeling unwanted, unloveable, and disposable with psychotherapist Solasta McIntyre (therapywithsme@gmail.com).

The information provided on this podcast is for informational purposes only. None of the material presented is intended to be a substitute for psychotherapy, counseling, professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. If you need to speak with a professional, you can find one local to you and reach out directly, or you can call 988 to connect with the national Suicide & Crisis Hotline. 

Did you know the patriarchy is the root of capitalism (ie your rent doubling overnight and forcing you to post TikTok vids of yourself crying while packing), colonialism (sup Puerto Rico! sup Hawaii!), misogyny (mmm.... a spiritual organization teaching us that women are evil! so spiritual right now! and totally unrelated to our insane rape statistics and maniacal abortion laws!), and white supremacy (shout out to ICE for sterilizing brown women at the border without their consent! shout out to every police officer who's shot an unarmed black person—AND THEN GOTTEN AWAY WITH IT). The patriarchy isn't an abstract concept—it's all around us, and it's traumatizing AF. In this epi, and on the tail of the Roe SCOTUS leak, the Southern Baptist Convention sex scandal, and umpteen mass shootings in just days, I sit down with astrologer, writer, and former therapist Liz Hummer to parse out the patriarchy's history and how it operates now, to validate our trauma in the face of tragedy every. single. day., and to talk about the small things we can do to rebel, to claim our agency, and to heal from the gaslighting.

The information provided on this podcast is for informational purposes only. None of the material presented is intended to be a substitute for psychotherapy, counseling, professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. If you need to speak with a professional, you can find one local to you and reach out directly, or you can call 988 to connect with the national Suicide & Crisis Hotline.

Grief can look so many ways—from chronic childhood pain, to breakups, to the recent loss of Roe v. Wade. In this episode, I'm joined by psychotherapist Kevin Brody to talk about integrating grief and allowing joy after a significant loss.

The information provided on this podcast is for informational purposes only. None of the material presented is intended to be a substitute for psychotherapy, counseling, professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. If you need to speak with a professional, you can find one local to you and reach out directly, or you can call 988 to connect with the national Suicide & Crisis Hotline.

What's up to all my anxiously attached homies! WOW is it a bummer to constantly fear abandonment in all our relationships. BUT—cool fact: Like the other insecure attachment styles, anxious attachment can be healed. In this epi, I'm joined by psychotherapist Rachel Holzberg to talk about how we move toward secure attachment and away from the despair and loneliness of anxious attachment. 

The information provided on this podcast is for informational purposes only. None of the material presented is intended to be a substitute for psychotherapy, counseling, professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. If you need to speak with a professional, you can find one local to you and reach out directly, or you can call 988 to connect with the national Suicide & Crisis Hotline.

This week, I'm joined by Manhattan Wellness associate therapist Eliza Davis to get into shame—how it gets passed down, how to know you're experiencing it, what it does to the body, and how to work your way out of that shame spiral of doom.

The information provided on this podcast is for informational purposes only. None of the material presented is intended to be a substitute for psychotherapy, counseling, professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. If you need to speak with a professional, you can find one local to you and reach out directly, or you can call 988 to connect with the national Suicide & Crisis Hotline.

Narcissism #2! 'Cause it's a doozy. Therapist Jon Lee rejoins the pod to go even deeper in the discussion of healing from narcissistic abuse, covering topics like implicit memories and reflexive responses after narcissistic abuse, overcoming perfectionism, internal fragmentation & compartmentalization, healing techniques that go deep, and more. 

The information provided on this podcast is for informational purposes only. None of the material presented is intended to be a substitute for psychotherapy, counseling, professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. If you need to speak with a professional, you can find one local to you and reach out directly, or you can call 988 to connect with the national Suicide & Crisis Hotline.

UGH, why is it so scary to set a boundary?? In this episode, I talk with therapist Jennifer Teplin of Manhattan Wellness about healing that fear at the source so it stops effing up our lives.

The information provided on this podcast is for informational purposes only. None of the material presented is intended to be a substitute for psychotherapy, counseling, professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. If you need to speak with a professional, you can find one local to you and reach out directly, or you can call 988 to connect with the national Suicide & Crisis Hotline.