Think of the Children

By Think of the Children

Join us in our office once every other week as lifelong friends turned business partners Owen Piper and Jay Little systematically destroy your childhood, one beloved memory at a time...

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Episode 58 - Dopamine and Amnesiacs

Think of the ChildrenDec 18, 2020

00:00

53:22

Episode 58 - Dopamine and Amnesiacs

Those darn TOTC boys are back at it again to ruin more of your beloved childhood memories! This week, the lads have some thoughts on national service, find a wizard, and give a much better comedy duo a podcasting idea... It's TOTC, baybeeeeee!

Currently Brainstorming: Jay's Newest Addiction, Raspberry Boy, The Boozone, The Offering, National Service, Sandwhich Interuptions, Square Boy, Sleepy Queen Liz, Fart Joke, White Boy Jay, Circular Storytelling, Phineas and Ferb: The Podcast.

Music:

Intro: Baffy, Money Man
Break: Baffy, The Numberless Circling Cows of the Crop (Cow Pie)
Outro: Baffy, Purple Wine
Twitter: @totccast
Email: totccast@gmail.com
Patreon: www.patreon.com/totccast
Discord: discordapp.com/invite/fkZGJuy
Website: www.totccast.com

Dec 18, 202053:22

Episode 57 - White Phosphorus Soup

The boys have escaped the Astral Dimension and only Dave is really worse for wear. Owen and Jay are still alive and this week they talk about the American Diet, Nerds on Twitter, Robots having the sex and how to raise the next generation of Philosophers. It's the Think of the Children you know and love, here like a beacon in these dark times

Currently Brainstorming: Time Refraction, The Tum Compartment, Editing Magic, Eldritch Varmints, Astro Nut, Eating Machinery, Child Debt, Calling out Twitter Nerds, Blind Souls, Ornstien and Smoog, Robot Clit, & Medabots (2020 Reboot)

Music:

Nov 24, 202056:16

Emergency Broadcast: The State of the Company

Owen and Jay are back after a tumultuous 2020. They explain where they've been, what's coming next, apologise profuesly for their absence and ask if you'd like Cocaine or Pepsi.

Short Answer: Patrons, check your emails over the next week, everyone else, new epsisode next week.

Nov 22, 202014:56

Episode 56 - www.coolphilosophygames.com

Oops! It's been 3 Months! Global Pandemics are bad for productivity, it turns out! Either way, the boys are back on the open road to do the nasty thing you love so much. This time around, we turn some bath toys into murderers, teach the children that everything they do is useless and develop some fun flash games to teach the kids about the existential threat of being alive! Join us, won't you, for another Think of the Children!

Currently Brainstorming: Lizard Cum, Haunted Frog Man, Rubbasnubbers, Parental Trickery, Draconic Discouragement, Childhood Trauma, Leaning into the Curve, The Blockening Part XI: PhilosophyTube, Polka Dot Cow Man, Pigs Morgan, & Maggie and the Hate Construct.

Music:

Jul 18, 202051:04

Episode 55 - The Witcher 3 (Feat. Stefan Ayto)

This week, the boys are joined by reptile lover and the host of Talking With Dinosaurs, Stefan Ayto! They kind of owe him one, you'll see why. They also recreate the epic of Gilgamesh, insult two of New Zealand's national heroes, and get Henry Cavill fans riled up as they put him in schoolgirl uniforms. We're here in the time of crisis, it's Think of the Children!

Currently Brainstorming: Roadside Assistance, Reptile Matrimony, Deicide, Devilman: Badjelly, Cobra Venom, The Warlocker, The Three Cavills, TOTC Hygiene Advice, History Lessons, Character Assasination & What Now?! (Horny Version)

More Stefan: @Ershatz

Music:

Apr 11, 202056:49

Episode 54 - A Motherfucking JoJo's Reference

Kids, I won't lie, this one goes off the rails a little bit towards the end. It's good shit, but we've both gone a little stir crazy, apparently. This week, the lads praise the efficiancy of Herod, publically dunk on Piers Morgan, and create some terrible puppet creations... Again. Strap in, friends, it's gonna get bumpy.

Currently Brainstorming: Vancuffs, The Art of Vore, Rickle: The Pickling, Vinnie Jones Green Cross Code, My Mans Herod, Piers Morgan's Sundown, Owen's Dyslexia Strikes Back, The Singularity, Hunger Games: Gamers Edition, Nightmare Muppets, The Opposite of an Erection, Eureeka's Castle (2020 Reboot Dir. R. L. Gaster)

Music:

Mar 27, 202001:16:40

Episode 53 - John WAHck

The wheels are still a-rollin' here at the TOTC Mobile Headquarters. Owen and Jay have both taken different approaches to raising money, neither of which have been particularly profitable, so we're back to ruining childhoods. We gift a beloved character the powers of an Elder God, make the Digimon relentlessly horny, and utilize The Demon Drill for fun and profit. Buckle up, kids! It's a wild one.

Currently Brainstorming: Growing Pains, New Career Paths, Watch Crimes, DP-Gimon, Cock Armour Class, The Demon Drill, Crime Disclaimers, Tit Wrestling, Waluigi Board, & WALUIGI (Elder God)

Music:

Mar 12, 202056:56

Episode 52: On the Road Again

We're back! But not quite as you know it. Some things have changed for Owen and Jay but they need to keep the wheels greased and beef jerky in their tummies, so they're gonna keep ruining childhoods for fun and profit. It's all here on Think of the Children!

Currently Brainstorming: Scottish Avoidance, Vim2.0, Wimbleton, Forbidden Bowls, Neil vs Neale, Fuck Names, Do Cockroaches Fuck?, Dart Refractory Period, Ozymandias Jerky, Nerf: Ambush.

Music:

Jan 20, 202050:20

Episode 51 - Hostile Takeover (Feat. Crit Chat)

Happy New Year, friends! After comitting a terrible podcast crime, Jay is on the run and Owen drank himself into a coma. So, as a cruel and unusual punishment, we have used the power of Jumanji to trap Ismay Hutton, Alfred Clark and Emily Kuklinski in our podcast! They will only be released when the 7 Jumanjis have been collected or they've ruined a childhood, whichever comes first. Join us for a spell in this first ever Hostile Takeover!

Currently Brainstorming: Jumanji'd, Rotten CDRomatos, BYOG, Elizabethan LARP Winter Camp, Virginian Feminism, Incomprehensible Animal Names, Bellatrix Beev, Bastard Money, Candyland Glass Time, Dead Clock Clown, Major Bedhead, NoAssitol and The Big Comfy Couch (2020 Reboot)

Crit Chat Crew:

Ismay (@aTeacupGamer): twitch.tv/ateacupgamer
Alfred (@pennyblue_): twitch.tv/pennyblue
Emily (@ThePunnyEmily)
Crit Chat (@Crit_Chat): https://crit-chat.pinecast.co/

Music:

Jan 04, 202001:08:13

Episode 50 - Crossing the Streams: The BioDick

Well friends, we've arrived at the big 5-0. It's a feature length presentation of our fetid, dirty crimes against your nostalgia, and we did it just for you...
Enjoy the 50th Episode of Think of the Children, and the last episode for the year. We love you, thank you for the support

Dec 09, 201901:40:36

Episode 49 - Gaiman's Filthy Pawprints

It's Spooky Episode 2.0, baybee! We got more scares, more ghouls and more physical manifestations of your deepest darkest fears. Roll up, roll up, come see the spectral troupe, the wholesome sex-worker ghost, and the scariest thing of all... corporate takeovers. Listen to the new episode... if you dare...

Currently Brainstorming: Owen's Very Cursed Day, Schrodinger's Podcast, Doki Doki Corpse Bride Club, Hostile Takeovers, The Blockening Part 10: Laika Studios, Cultural Differences, Hardcore Trunk or Treat, Shrewsbury Callout, Jay Says Trans Rights, The Blockening Part 11: Ben Shapiro, & Honey: *you feel uncomfortable* (2019 Experiment).

Music:

Oct 31, 201901:02:55

Episode 48 - Epic Dead Sister Prank

This time around, the lads put a young science boy through some harrowing shit, make a new superhero team in space, make sex fun (finally) and partake of the finest cuts of dong this side of the Thames. Yet more goofs and good products from the boys you love!

Currently Brainstorming: Knee Girls, Spicy Bath, Jim Pachmans, Flat, Long, Cock Rings, The Cock Fridge, Filet-min-Dong, Royal Squalor, Owen Goes Ghost, Snok X, Just a dash of Ashton, Consentecles, & Sad Sentinels: Sonic and the Rest (2019)

Music:

Oct 09, 201955:01

Episode 47 - Belle Delfurby

This week, the lads do the stuff you love, like make a Finger Puppet Monstrosity, help a soft drink create the corporate monopoly it needs to lauch us into an Eleven Herbs and Spices Cyberpunk Future, and make a Furby you can fuck. Oh and there's more Jojo jokes. It's all here and it's all completely fucking putrid.

Currently Brainstorming: Dental Jokes, Love Island: The Video Game, 11 Herbs and Spices, Vimto Piss, Lomg Sex Furby, Owen's Bounty, Rob Paulson is Yoko Taro, Planet Brexit, The Dio Room, Kid Wranglin: With Micheal Cera, Mouse Puppet Clitoris, Megalovania Shitposting, & Yoffie Presents FMA:B Tummy Theatre

Music:

Sep 08, 201954:37

Episode 46 - Unseasoned Plastic

The boys are on a fucking roll this week, as our capitalist asses do the nasty thing to expoit your memories for profit. This week, we teach the boomers how to bend, ressurect Demons from the Ninth Pit, give a child an egG, and given Helen Mirren the Minerals she so desperately needs. It's think of the children!

Currently Brainstorming: Robo-Hosts, Microwave Crimes, KFC-Bending, Meat Destiny, Apple 'Nades, "Teleport, Teleport, Attack", Booster Pack Gambling, The Bone Suite, Loose Egg in a bag, Bear Revelations, & T-Bag: Feat. Helen Mirren's Balls

Music:

Aug 25, 201957:15

Episode 45 - Another TOTC Clip Show

The boys are big dummies that just sort of... forgot to record an episode this week? So in it's stead, Owen has thrown together some of the best bits from the last year and a half of doing this dumb show, and splaying them up, back to back, for your enjoyment.
It might be old, and barely qualifies as gold, it's Think of the Children!

Music:

Intro: Baffy, Money Man
Outro: Baffy, Purple Wine
Twitter: @totccast
Email: totccast@gmail.com
Patreon: www.patreon.com/totccast
Discord: discordapp.com/invite/fkZGJuy
Website: www.totccast.com

Aug 17, 201949:41

Episode 44 - Soapy Grind Shoes

We took another break, so sue us. However, we're back on our weekly bullshit! Owen gets hyperfixated on a specific type of wine, Jay commits fully to canibalism, and the boys go totally tubular and ressurect a "beloved" piece of 90's fashion. It's all here on this week's Think of the Children!

Currently Brainstorming: The Cucking Stool, The Baby Pocket, Viva-Piniata-Oh!, Vermouth, Anti-Drug Piracy, Medieval Crests, Illiteracy, Banjum-Kazambum, Sexy Pyramid Head, The Soap Shoe Rant, Toeys, & PROleTOEriat

Music:

Aug 05, 201952:18

Episode 43 - Topping John Malkovich

We're back after a not so short break! This week, Jay and Owen explain their dark sacrament involving the McNamara Family, rocket John Malkovich into new heights of stardom, as John Goodman, create a dark spherical new world in which we drive Micheal Cera insane, and the lads get bamboozled by Capitalism. It's all here, and it's back, baybeee!

Currently Brainstorming: McNamara Stomach Lining, Nald's Eleven, "We're Back, Motherfucker: A Dinosaur's Story", Capcom teases Owen, Bougouise Lions, Capitalism Bamboozles Jay, Seagull Rituals, Genunine Criticisms of Rainbow Capitalism, Retreading Old Ground, & The Poly Planet Experiment (Starring Micheal Cera)

Music:

Intro: Baffy, Money Man
Break: Baffy, The Numberless Circling Cows of the Crop (Cow Pie)
Outro: Baffy, Purple Wine
Soul Sound: Draconihype, Tortured Soul Used under Creative Commons
Twitter: @totccast
Email: totccast@gmail.com
Patreon: www.patreon.com/totccast
Discord: discordapp.com/invite/fkZGJuy
Website: www.totccast.com

Jun 19, 201954:11

Episode 42 - Robotnik's Sperm Emissions (feat. Ismay Hutton)

This week, Jay is off being a good good physics boy, so Ismay Hutton (@aTeacupGamer) joins Owen in the office to do the nasty thing. This week, we go after that good SEO Juice and talk about Sonic. A lot. We also add parrots filled with disinfectant to all supermarkets, create a new iconic piece of merch, and (counterproductivley) fix Ismay's childhood.

Currently Brainstorming: Cool Music and SFX, Sexy Gold Tit Daddy, Wiseau-Posting, Jim Eggman, Ismay is a Cop, Irn-Bru Flavours, A Week-Long Treat!, The Sub leading the Sub, Sonic's Ass, The Blockening Part 9: Sonic the Hedgehog, Dab on the Fash, The Important Questions, The Oldiest of Timeys, Invisible Potty, & Charlie's Angels 3: Ismay's Robo Moms

Music:
Intro: Baffy, Money Man
Break: Baffy, The Numberless Circling Cows of the Crop (Cow Pie)
Outro: Baffy, Purple Wine
Used under Creative Commons

Twitter: @totccast
Email: totccast@gmail.com
Patreon: www.patreon.com/totccast
Discord: discordapp.com/invite/fkZGJuy
Website: www.totccast.com

May 05, 201901:10:17

Episode 41 - The Pied Piper

Buckle the fuck up, kids, this one gets wild. Owen finds he's closer to a folk tale than he might think, Jay ingests crocodile penis, we dunk on horses and find help a young boy find the chaos emeralds. Strap in, get ready to laugh.

Currently Brainstorming: Throwbacks, Bat Puns, Berserk Cauldron, Oblivion Soapbox, Cyber Dong, The Blockening Part 8: Danny DeVito, Captain Large, Outdated Animals, Musk, Jubblies, Street Sea Cucumbers, The Return of Fuck Jigsaw, That Damn 4th Chaos Emerald, Bleach Enemas, & Ben 10: The After Years

Music:
Intro: Baffy, Money Man
Break: Baffy, The Numberless Circling Cows of the Crop (Cow Pie)
Outro: Baffy, Purple Wine
Used under Creative Commons

Twitter: @totccast
Email: totccast@gmail.com
Patreon: www.patreon.com/totccast
Discord: discordapp.com/invite/fkZGJuy
Website: www.totccast.com

Apr 21, 201958:37

Episode 40 - Budgie destroys Anime

We're back after a week off! This week, the lads do some truly terrible shit to a *lot* of planes, give Ballet an all new cultural significance, create a fun new video game about MILFs, and help a plucky little helicopter destroy all of anime. Also mid-2000's memes get a resurgance, it's buck-wild.

Currently Brainstorming: Jay gets Fingerblasted, G-Spot Placement, Angelina Ballerina's Joint Problems, Ahegao Plane-Chan, Owen Explains a Joke, Jojo the Jet Plane, soisoisoi, Bears, Harvest Moon: Tofuden, An Official Callout, Weeb Friends Remover: Fire Red/Leaf Green, & My Mother's Protagonist Energy Transfered into me and now I have Radiation Poisoning! Z

Music:
Intro: Baffy, Money Man
Break: Baffy, The Numberless Circling Cows of the Crop (Cow Pie)
Outro: Baffy, Purple Wine
Used under Creative Commons