Three Cylinder Stardrive
By Roger Colby and Richard Kutz
Three Cylinder StardriveSep 25, 2018
The Big Finale
After a three year run, we have decided to finally power down the stardrive. We are sad to do so, but life has changed drastically for both of us and we don't have the time to devote to it anymore. We've enjoyed making you laugh, watching weird and horrible movies together, looking at pilot episodes for ancient lame shows, and reviewing some new films here and there. It's been a blast. Richard and I will still see movies together and watch awful ones, too. We just won't be podcasting about it.
We will leave the catalogue of all of our shows on Anchor for you to listen to and to download. We hope you can go back in time and enjoy them.
Matt Makes a Batman
This episode is dedicated to director and creator Matt Reeves, who just released Warner Brothers new film "The Batman". We offer a spoiler-free review as well as look back at Reeves's first directorial debut, where he directed a segment in the anthology film "Future Shock".
A Lovely Trip Down the Nile
A little late, but we review the new Liam Neeson flick "Blacklight" and also Kenneth Branaugh's "Death on the Nile". Our movie of the week is one that is out this weekend. Rock out to the insanity that is "Studio 666".
Uncharted Lycanthropes
In this episode we review the new "Uncharted" movie based on the popular Playstation video game series. Does it hold up to the awesomeness that is the saga of Nathan Drake? Also, we review the movie of the week: "Werewolves Within", another film based on a popular video game series. Which one was better? Tune in to find out!
Reacher and His Pal Lisa
Not much hit theaters this week, so we didn't really review any motion picture, but we did watch Amazon Prime's "Reacher". We give our review from the perspective of someone who has read several of the Lee Child novels (Roger) and someone who hasn't (Richard). Our movie of the week is "I Am Lisa", a werewolf movie with hairless werewolves, Lee Press-On Nails, and lots of bad acting.
Moonfall Early Review
We were able to see an early showing of Roland Emmerich's new film "Moonfall" and, well, it's a movie about the moon. Also, we review the movie of the week "Star Force".
Top 5 Best and Worst
We give a run down on each of our favorite five movies and movies we thought were the worst of 2021. We also have one movie reserved for the special category: "Most Disappointing".
Screaming Into the Cloud
We went to see the new "Scream" movie and give a solid, spoiler-free review. We also review the final episode of "The Expanse" as well as our movie of the week, which you HAVE to see... "Max Cloud".
VFW Local 355
This week we review the Jessica Chastain vehicle "The 355" and discuss a movie we've been wanting to get to for some time: "VFW". A mob of drug-crazed punks lay siege to a local VFW where a bunch of crusty old Vietnam vets hang out. What could go wrong?
The Matrix Ain't No Wasteland
We provide (as always) a spoiler-free review of "The Matrix: Resurrections", "The King's Man" and our movie of the week (which we spoil), "Ghosts of the Wasteland" with Nicholas Cage.
Spider-Man No Way Home Alone
On this episode we review "Spider-Man No Way Home" (NO SPOILERS!) and we also watched that new "Home Alone" movie on Disney+. The moral? They should stop making Home Alone movies.
Santa Jaws is Coming to Town
In this episode we provide our review of Disney's "Encanto" and also share with you our experience viewing a new film for the holidays. Yeah, that's right, "Santa Jaws". It's basically just Jaws with a Santa hat on his fin.
Who You Gonna Call?
We found a very weird horror movie worth a look called "Deep Red". It's an Italian feast for the eyes and has some of the weirdest murders we've ever witnessed. More importantly, we provide a spoiler filled discussion about the new Jason Reitman film: "Ghostbusters: Afterlife". It's been a long time coming, but we were so glad to finally see it... and see it 4 times, we did.
A Host of Irish Zombies
On this episode we review Kenneth Branagh's "Belfast" and then the newest Resident Evil film "Welcome to Raccoon City". We also discuss a lovely holiday zombie film: "Black Friday" starring Bruce Campbell
Bennie Loves You Eternally
This week we watched an intentionally funny little movie on Showtime called "Bennie Loves You". You should watch this one, as it is genuinely funny in a really dark way. (Trigger warning for dog lovers, though). Also, we review "Eternals", "Last Night in Soho" and "Antlers".
Agent Revelation Rides the Shai-Haluud
Over on Showtime there is a sequel to the movie "Agent" which is called "Agent Revelation". No, it's not a sequel to the "Left Behind" series of films with Kirk Cameron. It's a little unintentionally funny action adventure written, directed and starring Derek Tang. He thinks a lot of himself, as the cast continue to fawn over his character constantly, but the acting is pretty bad... and the rest is pretty bad... But then we review "Halloween Kills" and Denis Villeneuve's "Dune". That cleanses the palate.
Here Comes Hell
We found a lovely black and white send-up of schlocky 60's horror which is also strangely in the style of a Sam Raimi Evil Dead movie: "Here Comes Hell". You can find it on Shudder. We also review a couple of movies that are out right now in theaters.
Malignant Carnage
This week we review a movie that's been out for a bit, a movie by James Wan called "Malignant". Yeah. It's pretty bad, but it's also unintentionally funny and that's what we're about. We also saw "Venom: Let There Be Carnage" and review that. Next week? Bond!
Clint Eastwood Looks Weird in Slaxx
This week we are back with a really weird little movie called "Slaxx" which is a heavy-handed satire about cheap, overseas labor. It was actually really funny, and we give a breakdown of the film for you in case you want to watch it on Tubi. We also review Clint Eastwood's new film "Cry Macho" and a new '70's styled cop action film called "Copshop" starring Gerard Butler.
Psycho Goreman
Once in a while we come across a film that could be a cult classic, and this one takes the cake. "Psycho Goreman" is about the greatest evil in the universe under the control of a bratty little girl. The film is nearly all practical effects and is basically "Wishmaster", a Gwar concert and the most graphic kids movie (if it IS a kids movie) we've ever seen. We are both going to add this one to our blu ray collection, and you should, too.
Your 5G Zombie Phone is Ringing
There is a movie called "5G Zombies". We watched it. It was horrible. Probably worse than any other movie we have dared to watch. We made it through to the end even though both of us wanted to shut it off. We also watched "Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings" which was incredible and we review that here. Happy Labor Day, folks!
Suburban Sasquatch
If you love 2D rendered special effects, the re-use of rubber severed limbs, watching as a stuffed animal is torn apart or a gorilla suit posing as a Sasquatch costume, then you'll love this gem we found in the garbage. Tune in to hear the highlights, or just watch it on Tubi with commercials. You'll need those breaks in between the insanity.
Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death
Cannibal women? Check. Radical Feminists? Check. An avocado jungle that takes up most of Southern California for some reason? Check. Bill Maher? Ew. Yep. This one was a doozy.
Robert
Have you ever heard of that creepy sailor boy doll which is supposed to be possessed and has been supposedly responsible for a few deaths? Well, this movie isn't about that actual doll. In "Robert", we have a doll that looks strangely like Willem Dafoe but if he had been stung about the face by a swarm of bees. This slow-paced (and we ain't kiddin'... it's S-L-O-W) movie takes literally 42 minutes to go anywhere at all toward a horror film, and it tries hard to be just a family drama with a weird little Willem Defoe doll that goes all murdery.
Killer Sofa
On this episode, we look into the sad, sad, button eyes of the killer sofa which is actually a recliner. It kills people because it's possessed by a demon. It's a really fun movie, so sit back, relax, put your feet up, and try not to get stabbed by its large springs.
Retro Pilot Review: Nightman
This week we take a look at "Nightman", a comic book turned television show that ran for two seasons from 1996-1998. It was created by Glen A. Larson, a prolific creator who is responsible for such classics as "Magnum P.I.", "Battlestar Galactica", "Knight Rider" and "Hawaii Five-O". Well, even great creatives sometimes make garbage. Nightman is currently available on the free (with commercials) streaming service Tubi. It is, in every way, unintentionally funny. I mean, it's about a "famous" saxophonist (who solos at a club no less) who is struck by lightening on a cable car and suddenly can hear the bad guy's thoughts. What can go wrong?
The Glitch in the Matrix
A first for us, we review "A Glitch in the Matrix", a "documentary" (we use the term lightly) about... you guessed it... whether or not we are living in a simulation. Well, the "documentary" falls victim to many of the logical fallacies that many people today are prone, mainly false cause and cognitive dissonance. When are people going to realize that anecdotes do not equal evidence? You can check it out on Hulu, and be warned, most of the "witnesses" in the program are only visible via their weird gaming avatar.
F9 is for Family... 9?
Because we usually review horrible movies on this podcast, movies that are so bad they are unintentionally funny, we watched the latest Fast and the Furious mess that is called "F9". Probably written by a 5 year old, listen in as we talk about the reasons you should watch this movie, and not all of them have to do with the fact that it was so bad we laughed all the way through it.
Monster Force With Zeroes
We have reviewed some real stinkers in our day, but this one made us force each other to finish it. "Monster Force Zero" is about a bunch of zeroes who, with zero plot, zero talent and zero budget fight aliens on behalf of other aliens while throwing out one liners from other movies and somehow getting away with using licensed costumes without permission. Oh, and there are furries. Lots of furries!
Summer Movies 2021
In this episode we break down all the upcoming movies premiering this summer and some that are coming later in the year. These are the films we are excited to see, and we hope you rush back to the theater now that the vaccine is available for free.
So Close
This week we review another Hong Kong movie pre-British-handover. It's a high kicking action romance with some golden moments that are sure to make you laugh at the absurdity of it all. Enjoy!
Retro Pilot Review: Super Force!
We finally found another retro pilot to watch, and it's a good one. Back in 1990, the same year that the John Wesley Shipp version of "The Flash" aired on CBS (which only went for one season), "Super Force" hit the television screen, starring several forgettable actors, but strangely starring G. Gordon Liddy as the villain... and he's playing a guy with a Japanese name who wears kimonos but is totally G. Gordon Liddy. Liddy went to jail for the Watergate scandal, worked under J. Edgar Hoover at the FBI, and is on record as being able to fire a pistol faster than most people can sneeze. Oh yeah, it also featured Lou Ferrigno and a couple of the WWF's wrestling greats.
"Tokyo Raiders" with Special Guest Patrick Harrington
This week we have a real treat! We watched a convoluted kung fu movie set in Tokyo, aptly named "Tokyo Raiders". The film was directed by a guy named Jingle Ma (no kidding) in 2000, but the actors all speak Chinese (mostly). It has more plot twists than a soap opera and is quite unintentionally funny. We brought along our guest today, one Patrick Harrington, who has been helping us to find only the most delectable bad movies to sit through. Patrick has been to Japan several times, and understands the culture quite well, so we brought him along to clue us in on some of the stuff we didn't understand... also he has great stories!
Australiens
Who knew you could find movies on a public library app? Well, you can. If you do, you might check out this silly little vehicle that is actually funnier than it sounds. Yeah, it's no "Silent But Deadly", but it surprised us. It's actually watchable, and quite funny in parts. Listen for our full review.
Silent But Deadly
Once in a while we run across a movie with seemingly bad production value (what are we kidding... that's all the movies we watch) but once is a while we find a gem. "Silent But Deadly" by Paul Dale is probably the funniest amateur film we've ever seen. It's only 62 minutes long including the after credits scenes (and you SHOULD watch them), and I'll say we laughed so hard for the 62 minutes we were both nearly hoarse from the belly laughs that this little film generates. You'll love it, too!
Goatsucker Sucks
We reviewed "Goatsucker", a horrible little film about a group of people who go on a hike in the woods and get murdered one by one by a chupacabra...and some of them by each other. It's pretty bad, but isn't that what we're here for?
Post-Apocalyptic Robot Athletes Need Love
Have you ever sat in the stands at an arena and watched giant robots fight? Have you ever wished you could be the best at piloting robots? Have you ever looked at another robot pilot and thought: "Gee, I could probably spend the rest of my life with them."? Then 1989's Robot Jox is for you. Tune in to this episode as we break down this crappy classic.
Operation...Oh Brother!
This week we dive into the choppy waters of Italian knock-off films. We love Bond films, so why not watch a crappy version from 1967? No, it's not Sean Connery, because that's the year he quit being Bond. The Italians probably tried to get Sean, but they got the next best thing... his ACTUAL brother Neil! And the actual Moneypenny and Blofeld joined the cast. Tune in as we talk about it in all it's late 60's campy glory.
Silence of the Hams
On this episode, we talk about all the stuff we are watching right now... and there's some good stuff to watch! We discuss the Alan Tudyk show "Resident Alien", "Clarice" and many other shows available right now to binge. If you need more stuff to watch, tune in to the show to find out what's out there.
Shadow of the Lotus - You Know How It Is.
This week we run down the amazingly funny "Shadow of the Lotus", a $1.99 Amazon rental that is not only unintentionally funny, but also a testament to one Canadian film maker's ability to pretty much do everything behind the camera including animate the credits with anime characters that look somewhat like their live-action counterparts. So settle in and listen to the highlights as we break down this Chinatown Vancouver action thriller starring two women who are now not really acting anymore. One runs a casting agency and the other is... well... looking for work.
Maximum HBO
In this episode we talk about HBO Max and all the amazing shows you can only find on the streaming service. You should really check it out because there are some great soon-to-be-award-winning shows on there.
Bill & Ted vs. Fake Bill & Ted
We watched Bill & Ted 3 and give our spoiler-free review of it, but then we did another Retro Pilot Review, this time watching the unaired Bill & Ted live action series. It stars a most heinous not-Alex-Winter and not-Keanu-Reeves. In fact, it's almost like Alex Winter and Keanu Reeves were somehow cloned but then the clones didn't have time to form properly. It's awful. We'll review it so you don't have to watch it... or maybe you do.
The Blackout
Well, we've reviewed some good ones lately so it only stands to reason we'd hit on a stinker. Get ready. Russia's got a humdinger of an action sci-fi film called "The Blackout" and we sat through the whole thing without saying dasvidaniya.
Space Captain: Captain of Space
We found a little known gem that only made $5000 at the box office according to IMDB. We loved it, and we want to talk to you about it spoiler-free of course. Take a trip back in time to those Saturday morning serials from the '30's and '40's, a spoof of that genre that is truly funny. This film is proof you don't need a big budget or awesome special effects to tell an entertaining and hilarious story.
The Man Who Killed Hitler and then the Bigfoot
I know we review horrible movies on this show, and the title of this film sounds like it was written by a five-year-old, but sometimes a film with a bad title will really surprise you. Tune in for our review of this Sam Elliot gem.
Digging Up the Marrow
We watched a surprisingly good little mockumentary entitled "Digging Up the Marrow" with Ray Wise. Honestly, if Ray Wise wasn't in this film and they would have cast a nobody, the film would be believable as a documentary and would keep you up at night. Because Ray Wise is cast, it is an otherwise entertaining and creepy film. Tune in to hear our review!
High Moon
Well, we may have hit the bottom of the barrel this time for sure. The 2019 low-budget film "High Moon" is the subject of today's podcast. The plot synopsis should tell you everything: "Long dead cowboy returns from the dead to fight a band of werewolves." Yep. It's as bad as it sounds.
Retro Pilot Review: TMNT - The Next Mutation
This 90's television show featuring a Saban version of the TMNT crew is undoubtedly the "Star Wars Christmas Special" of the TMNT universe. Tune in to hear our take on the first two episodes of the series and how watching it now is different than watching it then.
What To Watch Whilst Cooped Up
COVID-19 has kept us all in, and that's a good thing because we don't want to spread the virus. However, you may feel like you've run out of things to watch. Roger and Richard are here to help with some little known series for you to binge-watch today. You've probably never heard of some of these, and we have several suggestions for both adults and for kids. We hope this helps you get through this because we are indeed all in this together. Wash your hands, stay in, and binge some of these wonderful television shows.
Who Killed Captain Alex?
Billed as Uganda's first action movie, this film, made in a small village in Uganda and edited together on a computer built from spare parts is probably the funniest bad movie we have ever watched. It gave some of its actors tetanus, has some of the cheesiest helicopter effects ever made, and has a voice-over that is sort of like a Ugandan version of Mystery Science Theater 3000 but in an unintentional way. Listen in on our take about it, then go watch it on Amazon Prime.