Thriving Twogether

Thriving Twogether

By Thriving Twogether
Principles for creating loving, lasting relationships. Topics include love, communication, frugality, kindness, parenting, discipline, Spirituality, intimacy, and teamwork.
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Ask A Curiuos Inquirer About Being Inquisitive?
Dan did it again. He deepened my understanding. He taught me about curiousity. Last year he taught me about shutting the barn door.  So what if curiosity was a reliable way to be more creative? How would it change the way you approach your relationships? Is getting curious better than getting frustrated/mad? Which one produces multiple solutions and sustains long term relationships?  To what extent is creativity simply a by-product of curiosity?  Would getting more curious enhance your relationships?  Engrained "solutions" are often merely ineffective traditions. Effective solutions come from seeking/inquiring after several fact based options. 
05:27
July 11, 2020
One Big Tomato Plant
Melissa took me to our small garden to show me the difference between a small plant with a big tomato versus a large plant which will eventually yield many tomatoes.  She explained to me that it's more important to grow  large tomato plants so that you get many tomatoes instead of focusing on just growing a large tomato. Plant focused instead of fruit focused.  Grow the plant and many tomatoes will follow. Focus on the tomato and you might just lose the plant or have a small plant. It's the system, not the result. The process not the goal. The business, not the service or product.  The relationship, not the obedience/control. The person, not the objective. 
06:18
July 2, 2020
BLM: Count Me In
Just Mercy and Harriet are what I've been watching. Forming a business partnership with a person of color is what I've done. And I'm seeking to understand what broken systems, incorrect traditions and prejudices need to corrected.
06:05
June 25, 2020
Soaker Hoses Not Fire Hoses
My neighbor's lawn turned from brown to green in a few days. He didn't fertilize it. He has no sprinklers. So how did he get a rich, lucious green lawn?  A soaker hose.  Soaker hoses emit water slowly and constantly. And over time you see the desired result.  Getting involved in your family is like a soaker hose. Consistent, slow effort with rich results. But you often don't see the results during the watering.
06:02
June 20, 2020
Lazer Focused On...
Focus is often cited as the key to fulfillment and success. But what if your focus is money first? Or work first? Or family first? Or church first? Stephen R. Covey taught that being too focused on any good thing causes us to ceed power to that value and to unfortunately derive our joy/pain from that value. Real joy and gratitude come from Divine connections.
06:14
June 12, 2020
Unsolvable: Solutionists And Becoming
There are many problems in marriage and by properly identifying the problem, trusting God and working together you can get answers for some. But for many problems we should simply move forward trusting that the Professor and textbooks have helped us become self-reliant thinkers and accomplishers. We don't need to always be told to go. We should think, go and expect excellent results.
06:03
June 5, 2020
Not A Monsoon
Drip, Drip, Drip. Drop by drop a humidifier changes the environment allowing for better breathing, deeper sleep, a healthier life. Marriage is like a humidifier.  What are drops in marriage? Listening to an inner voice, selflless love not self love we not me, respecting more than teasing , mutual goals, gentleness, daily repentance, harmonious daily and weekly planning, enriching dates, worshiping together, forgiveness, saving money, paying off debt, we go not ego, and traveling. Sure it would be nice to have the results of our efforts immediately and abundantly like a monsoon.  But lasting marriages are built by drips and droplets, dew and even distillation.  But not by monsoons.A humidifier. Not a monsoon.    #humidifernotamonsoon #marriage #love #faith #hope #thrivingtwogether #foreverlove #marriage coach #relationshipcoach #relationshipcounselor #lastingmarriage #enduringlove #togetherwecan #fiercemarriage #remotemarriagecoach #change #better #forever #happy #happiness 
06:10
May 30, 2020
Celebratory Parenting
Celebrate goodness (Discernment): finding, seeing and expressing good. Children: nice work on studying each day. I'm not too worried about a C as long as you're challenging yourself. You're a hard worker! I love you're smile! I'm glad to be your parent. Spouse: I'm excited to see where we're going and what we are becoming! Finances: we keep getting better using money to create money. It's fun helping others with what we've been given.
05:08
May 21, 2020
Long, Slow Trains
Thriving marriages are like long, slow freight trains. You observe, enjoy and take the long view when watching a long train unlike short, bullet trains that quickly go from origin to destination.  Similarly spouses require patience and appreciation and not microwave fast, forced results.  Worthwhile relationships are like a marathon not a sprint. Hard work, unity, consistency and character matter more than speed, talent and ego.  It's not what's important now? But what matters most forever? 
05:47
May 13, 2020
Creative Marriages: 36 Hours With Van Gogh
At one period in his life Van Gogh created one new art piece every 36 hours over a decade. 2,100 artworks. I've visited museums in Paris, Amsterdam, New York City, Los Angeles and Washington, DC to admire Van Gogh's masterpieces. People admire your marriage masterpiece even though it seems average and ordinary. The hard, daily, mundane intense labor made him a great artist as he created masterpieces. He painted 43 selfies. And several versions of Sunflowers as he became and created. Is building your marriage hard, mundane, pedestrian, intense? Can you see how you are creating a masterpiece? And becoming a masterpiece? What are you making as you daily create? And who are you becoming? We know of several of Van Gogh's masterpieces but he had hundreds of lesser works that transformed him from good to great. From a creative student to a legendary artist.
05:04
May 6, 2020
Open Parachute
"An open mind is like an open parachute." -Lord Dewar. Our quality of life and advancement depend on what we know and apply. Applying principles gleaned from others is invigorating. As is learning something new. We know certain ideas and don't apply them. And that's an application issue. But what about those ideas we don't know about? That's an ignorance issue. Can our biggest problems be solved best with better application? Or more knowledge? Maybe both. A very wise person, who never obtained a college diploma, took memory courses, a math course, spent numerous hours in book stores and libraries and studied foreign languages. He thirsted to know what he didn't know. Open your parachute. Learn new things. It might be the best way to solve your vexing puzzles.
03:49
April 30, 2020
Cheese Moving
I once went to rent a movie at Blockbuster while my 13 year old daughter began reading a short book. The book was Who Moved My Cheese. It was one of my Dad's favorite books and mine too. When I returned, she had finished the book! And 8 years later she told me the book continues to influence her. Our little speed reader went on to read several books on leadership, attitude, relationships and finances during her early teens. My wife mentioned the same book a few days ago. Melissa told me the book provides great perspective in these uncertain times and she wished more people knew about it. In the book one fictional mouse hates, denies and laments change and ultimately fails. And one mouse embraces, prepares for and expects change and finally succeeds. Who we are becomes revealed as we navigate through turbulent times. Do we choose to change and better ourself? Or do we become bitter with our circumstances? It's where we are going to, not what are going through that matters most. "Take a negative and make a positive" is what Michael Jordan remembered about his dad when learning of his Dad's murder. Do we thrive during crisis? Or do we complain? A fruit tree in our yard grew large because of trauma not despite trauma (someone broke the top). And another fruit tree flaundered because of too much shade and ease. A woman who sorrowed because of family members' suicide taught me "we have faith because of sorrow not in spite of sorrow." Larry Bird became much better because of Magic Johnson not despite of Magic. And likewise Magic had to get better to beat Larry. Zen teaches us to lean in and EMBRACE negatives. Ready to embrace the struggle before and during not just after?
07:28
April 23, 2020
Bo Knew The Symphony
False dichotomies in marriage abound.  Such as: Either your spouse is right or you are. There's a right way to parent and a wrong way.  Either you fall in love or you don't. You're getting better or getting worse. How about loving unity and interdependent solutions involving conjunctions? You're both right. Each difficulty has multiple solutuions which are found through loving, varied, interdependent prospectives.  There's good, better and best ways (plural) to parent.  Falling in love is based on attraction and is a good start. And staying and growing in love is based on helping and giving to your spouse.  Marriage involves hours/days/weeks/years of progressing and failing. Sometimes the up is down and the down is up. It's not all down or up.  Bo Jackson thought he didn't need to choose baseball or football. He chose both. He saw the genius of and not the tyranny of or.* And is the word that best describes a solitionust mentality. Conjunctions are the tools of companions who work together, interdependent people who collaborate for unprecedented results.  Or is the word for defeatists and independents, soloists who have melody but no harmonic symphony.  Maybe some good conjunction questions.  How we can raise intelligent children AND help them be independent?  How can we have family fun AND have a clean house?  How can earn alot of money AND help many people?  How can we accept each other AND expect better from ourselves? 
06:30
April 17, 2020
Taipua Not Pig-Headed
Taipua is a transformational Finnish* word. It means to change one's opinion, to bend or to curve. It's the opposite of our dog who's obedient only when she gets treats. It's the opposite of pig headed, unable to look up and wallowing in dirty, muddy circumstances.  M. Scott Peck in The Road Less Traveled boldly asserts life is hard but once we know it's hard it ceases to be hard. Why? Because accepting hardships allows us to change ourselves to meet and beat difficulties. We choose to admit we are weak, fallible. And thus ultimately because we admit and improve our weakness (instead of blaming our situation/spouse/cat) we become strong.  A presidental candidate was derided as a flip-flopper because he is mature and malable enough to change his mind.  My wife, Melissa, used a taipua approach when getting us 3x faster internet with a 10% discount.  Are we willing to change and bend?  *I love Finland and especially the Finnish people. I lived there for two years and study the language nearly everyday. 
06:03
April 11, 2020
Interuptable
One of the authors of The Power of Stillness said something powerful in a recent podcast about being mindful. He said we should be interuptable-so at peace that nothing disturbs us. We should welcome interruptions because we value people and relationships above transactions and functions. Being not merely doing. But doing matters too. I hate being interrupted. But now with traditions, formalities and routines interrupted and stopped including work, school, and extracurricular activities I'm learning to be interuptable. With plenty of time, I find it easy to listen. To trust in timing. To have meaningful discussions. I'm enjoying talking with family for hours and days and weeks. Eating meals together. Playing together. Working together. Bring on the interuptions. They help me focus on important people.
03:54
April 2, 2020
An Engine Brake Or Meekness
A friend pointed out a feature in my Prius: An engine brake. I told him I'd used it only a few times because I thought it was only for decelerating on large hills.  He explained the engine brake is to slow the car without using brakes (thus preserving the regular brakes) and to recharge the hybrid battery. Net result? Less cost replacing brakes and less cost for fuel.  He told me he frequently uses an engine brake on his Prius which helps him get better MPG.  I've been following his advice and I'm spending less money filling my car up. And my brakes should last longer.  My car's engine brake is like meekness.  Meekness is a term that means to be restrained/disciplined/guided by the Spirit.  Rarely did I use my engine brake for four years. By being restrained I could've gained.  Being guided/disciplined through the Spirit is different than no discipline or mere self- discipline.  Meekness seems to be one of the most difficult virtues to understand and perhaps one of the most important for ambitious people to apply.  #marriage #love #faith #hope #thrivingtwogether #foreverlove #marriage coach #relationshipcoach #relationshipcounselor #lastingmarriage #enduringlove #togetherwecan #fiercemarriage #remotemarriagecoach #change #better #forever #happy #happiness #meekness  #marriage #love #faith #hope #thrivingtwogether #foreverlove #marriage coach #relationshipcoach #relationshipcounselor #lastingmarriage #enduringlove #togetherwecan #fiercemarriage #remotemarriagecoach #change #better #forever #happy #happiness
05:32
March 25, 2020
Remove The Blanket, Don't Turn On The Fan
A wife was running warm and so she turned on a fan to keep her cool while she slept. The next night she noticed a blanket had been removed from her bed by her husband. Now instead of two thick blankets, she had one. And she noticed how she no longer felt too warm.  Remove the blanket, don't turn on the fan seems like a good metaphor too. Focus on things that really matter, things that move the needle.  -Intimacy is one vital component in a thriving marriage but sex/biology isn't the ONLY element in marriage. Money, communication, trust, respect, children, and many other elements make up marriage.  -Faith in God, emotions and facts are powerful antidotes to fear. Anger and fear inspire for a while but love inspires forever.  -Unified spouses make better decisions than a "l do me" approach.  -Eating food (natural, from a tree/ground/animal) not manufactured (from a box/factory). Exercising regularly and eating for nutrients not dieting and counting calories.  -Living within a budget, finding resourceful inexpensive solutions and preparing for emergencies instead of using credit card debt to "afford" a solution/want/need.  Remove the blanket. Don't turn on the fan.  Both solutions work, but one works long term and costs less money and time.    Hey would you be so kind as to listen to an episode (or more), subscribe, rate, and or review my podcasts? ThrivingTwogether is on Apple, Google, Stitcher and Sporify. And frugal2free and TravelingTwogether are on Apple and Google. Thanks!  Here's the podcast or https://anchor.fm/thriving-twogether #blanketnotthefan #marriage #love #faith #hope #thrivingtwogether #foreverlove #marriage coach #relationshipcoach #relationshipcounselor #lastingmarriage #enduringlove #togetherwecan #fiercemarriage #remotemarriagecoach #change #better #forever #happy #happiness 
03:56
March 19, 2020
Shut The Barn Door
Like a horse coming home from a long trot we're tempted to run into the barn door, to finish quickly and to lose all discipline. It's imperative that we don't finish quickly but that we enjoy the process that we connect with others and that we don't lose sight of the discipline that has brought us here. Dan Cullum shared a post in November about the Barn Door effect. It resonated and impacted me so much that it's improved my decision making and caused me to reflect on it again and again.  Horses rush to enter a barn door with little restraint despite having been very disciplined before seeing the barn door.  In relationships we should be disciplined especially when we are in a hurry.  Slow down. Resolve small mistakes while they are small. Invest in discussions when it feels like there is no time to talk. Slowly worship. Take time to reflect, change your mind and pivot.  In essence: Shut the barn door. Or at least pay it no heed.  #marriage #love #faith #hope #thrivingtwogether #foreverlove #marriage coach #relationshipcoach #relationshipcounselor #lastingmarriage #enduringlove #togetherwecan #fiercemarriage #remotemarriagecoach #change #better #forever #happy #happiness
05:41
March 11, 2020
His Hockey Jersey
A wife proudly wears a hockey jersey because her  husband loves hockey. The number and name on her jersey are those of her husband's favorite player.  She understands recreational companionship. Enjoying  fun, relaxing experiences together.  Recreational companionship doesn't always mean liking the same things as your spouse. Yet maybe at least be genuinely interested in what your spouse likes. 
04:33
March 5, 2020
The Plan Of Happiness
What's the purpose of marriage?
05:16
February 28, 2020
Gumby Not Arnold: Flexible & Balanced Not Buff
A bodybuilder told me he once liked to lift for ego. Now he lifts for flexibility and balance. He wanted to be big like Arnold. Now he's trying to be like Gumby. A yelling child needs an adaptive parent, one who might listen/crack a joke/cry. No need for a forceful power struggle. An overspending spouse needs less forceful, paternal/maternal lectures and ultimatums. They need more of a flexible approach. Maybe ideas on how to buy their needs/wants with cash. Or praise for their frugal efforts. In all areas of our lives we can choose to power through it or we can choose flexible approaches that seem yoga-like but offer a more balanced and effective approach.
06:26
February 21, 2020
Perseverance: The Gift of Trying & Loving
It's hard to win when you give up. Others can't really feel your love unless it's truly unfailing and persevering. And it's extremely difficult to pay off debt if you don't persevere. In today's episode learn some stories about perseverance and get encouragement on how you can persevere through many difficulties.
05:34
February 13, 2020
It's Just The Beginning
With the passing of Clayton Christensen and Kobe Bryant many people expressed being broken and needing to do anything and everything now to enjoy the moment because it may not last. Life does last forever and we do only live once. We live once and forever. It's important to have hope even while we mourn for those that we've loved.
01:31
February 6, 2020
Giannis & Zion: Landing Well, Falling Softly
Recently I read two ESPN articles that helped me understand landing well and falling softly. How do those relate to marriage? Well there's many ways to prepare yourself for the inevitable falls and challenges. And there's many people to surround yourself with. What can you do socially, emotionally, physically, and spiritually? Listen on.
05:30
January 25, 2020
Wonderful Spouses
Every so often you meet a couple that absolutely inspires you. I found such a couple. They sacrifice and work for each other. They work together, play together and raise their family together. And during a family difficulty lasting a year, they loved more deeply.
05:39
January 18, 2020
He's Involved Not Interfering
God is involved in our lives but he doesn’t interfere. He’s very involved. He sends all kinds of opportunities and blessings into our lives whether we see them or not. For instance he may give us the courage to listen more effectively  or love ourselves or to love others or to forgive or forget. He may help us get better and improve, giving us strength beyond our own. But he doesn’t Insert himself. He doesn’t force his way into our lives he simply is a good father, one who helps, encourages, strengthens and heals but He’s not one to manipulate, force, or coerce. What’s your style? 
05:18
January 8, 2020
Snoring Seperates Spouses?
Just because someone told you that you need to sleep in a separate Room because your spouse snores doesn't make it so. I know several people (acquaintances, friends and relatives) who sleep in separate rooms because of snoring. What f you could find a way to overcome snoring through better health habits or through technology through training or any other way? Would it be worth it to discover and find solutions so that you can be together?
04:03
December 30, 2019
Express and Local Trains
Marriage is like a good subway system: Express and Local is needed. Fast and slow; accomplishes and appreciaters; thinkers and doers; risk takers and risk averters.
05:13
December 21, 2019
1 Against 9
Ten people took a shuttle to Delta's Terminal 2 in Salt Lake City . Yet one man departed early at Terminal 1 for Delta. Why? A person commented aloud "Terminal 1 is closer to some Delta Gates than Terminal 2." I verified and discovered that terminal 1 is often closer to my departure gates and has shorter TSA Precheck lines. How did I not know this? Maybe I forgot that the opposite of a good idea is often a good idea.* Learn from others. Especially those who walk in different directions, teach things difficult to hear/understand, vote differently, sin differently or look differently from yourself. HT Rory Sutherland
03:35
December 14, 2019
The Woman At Carnegie Hall
1. Sequence or when you ask for spousal input (this should before you decide and before you give your thoughts) indicates deep signs of love: honor and respect. 2. Value your partner's ideas by listening and implementing them often. Rarely (if ever) sell your ideas to your spouse. Rather seek their input. 3. Choose if and when to talk about short comings. Perhaps avoid times of hunger or fatigue when discussing difficult topics. On a trip to New York City I saw a sister-in-law often solicit her husband's opinions. She's a strong woman not overly dependent on her husband nor a lone wolf working independently of others. Rather she is one who works interdependently with her husband. She also considered how much it would mean to her husband to be at his special performance in NYC. So she planned months in advance to be in attendance while coordinating children's schedules. And I saw this sister-in-law's husband consider her. He delighted in getting tickets to Phantom Of The Opera for her because it was on her bucket list. How did he know? Because he loves her and knows her. He also never complained or became disgruntled when his wife admired art at the Met for six hours! He's not an art aficionado. She is.
06:22
December 8, 2019
Google-like Finances
What to do before during and after a recession so your family can be more like Google or more financially secure.
07:26
November 28, 2019
Drip By Drip: Your Niagara Falls
I have read a blog daily for 13 years. Those hundreds of hours of teaching have had an impact on my marketing, business and life in general. What if you spent just a few minutes every day for 13 years on your marriage? What kind of changes would you experience? What things do you need to do daily to help make long term changes?
06:05
November 14, 2019
Perennial Goats & Fire Resistant Building
Invariably in marriage there are things that need to be trimmed or eliminated, things that need to be completely cut back. What habits hamper you? Additionally what are you consistently doing to fireproof your marriage.
06:02
November 8, 2019
Powerful Prayer & Bendable Bamboo
Praying for your spouse is awesome! Melissa prayed for me the other day in a huge miracle happened. How often are you praying for your spouse? And how often is your spouse praying for you? One of the ways we can become more antifragile, more bendable like bamboo, is by receiving the power that comes from divinity through prayer. Antifragile people don't don't just survive but they thrive. They thrive as a result of stress, shock, volatility, noise, mistakes, faults, attacks, and failures. They thrive because they're humbled and receive more divine power in their humility.
04:22
October 31, 2019
Good Ears, Under The Bus
What could possibly matter more than listening? What could matter more than communicating so clearly that you're not only understood but you're not misunderstood? Being trustworthy and trusting others is the very foundation upon which to build so that we're not only communicative but connected.
04:59
October 25, 2019
Tonyfied: Three Cs of Friendship
Do you have that friend in your life that is always a treat to be around? Someone who is so concerned about you and so happy to be with you? Maybe he/she a is an excellent cheerleader? Or an excellent conversationalist? Tony is that type of guy in my life. Tony is cheerful, a cheerleader, and a great conversationalist. He's a delight to be around for anyone that knows him. By becoming more like Tony we will be better spouses and parents and better friends.
03:18
October 19, 2019
Inspire Not Require; Request Not Demand
Just a few days ago a sister-in-law reminded me of the importance of inspiring not requiring. It led me to think of other truisms like we should make request not demands. We shouldn't tell nor yell and we should certainly teach more than we preach. Kindness doesn't kill, but it most certainly exalts and lifts.
05:35
October 10, 2019
Transformers: Three Virtues
In order become the best version of ourselves we need to transform. And for others to change and become better and become their best selves they need to change. So what are some key virtues that help people to change?
05:53
October 4, 2019
Flip-phone Father
It was a night like any other. Then our guest pulled out his flip-phone. My family was in awe! Here in 2019 was a father using a flip phone! We began to grill him, why was he using a flip phone when everyone else seemed to have a smartphone? He went on to explain that although he has the Internet at work and his wife has a smart phone, he didn't want to distract and take away time from his 3 girls. He wanted to spend time with his daughters and wife undistracted!
05:15
September 28, 2019
The 190° Finlandia Sauna
In a Finlandia Sauns the temperature can vary nearly a 100゚ from the very bottom to the very top. Just like your marriage there are times when it's very hot and difficult and times when it's very enjoyable. Should you get out? Should you stay in? Should you pare back some of your extracurricular activities and enjoy the heat?
06:19
September 21, 2019
10 Minutes To Revitalize Your Marriage
2 different counselors over a period of many years told my wife and I the same advice, take 10 minutes a night to truly talk with each other. This talking isn't about managerial responsibilities or about child rearing but rather it's a way to connect, to be truly intimate. To see into your souls.
06:15
September 11, 2019
Running The Iron Girl: Unity Through Sacrifice
It's often in intense battles and challenges that we see unity and great love. So over the years during a few different triathlons I've seen my family come together over and over again. And I've seen others selflessly sacrifice in order to unify their family and bless others.
06:11
September 4, 2019
The Wheel of Life: 4 Crucial Areas
Have you ever wondered why your life seems a little incomplete in certain areas? Does it feel like you and your companion need to grow closer together but you don't know how? In this episode I share what two of my best friends and mentors have taught me over the years about growth, development, and improvement. No longer grow apart, grow together by focusing on these 4 key areas daily.
07:44
August 31, 2019
Moving From Primates, Cellmates to Helpmates
Relational ruts, selfish sabotage and angry accusations fall away in the wake of helpmates. Companions who care, lovingly build better marriages. H/T Matt Townsend
04:37
August 22, 2019
On Fire: Keeping Love Alive
When a very expensive home is in danger of catching fire, Chubb, a well known insurance company will often send a private fire prevention team to creare an impenetrable perimeter around their insured homes. Chubb knows it's difficult to stop a fire. So they spend tens of thousands of dollars and employ private teams of firemen to ensure their insured homes worth millions don't burn down. How can we create a (positive) marriage fire? 1. By focusing on the good in your spouse and in yourself, the flames of good deeds and solid character multiply as if gasoline is poured on a raging inferno. And thst inferno warms your heart and brightens your face. 2. Daily we have the privilege of changing our mindsets, attitudes and habits much like putting another log on s bonfire. We can fan the flames of love, happiness, peace, and unity until warm fire burns forever. Tip: record the good your spouse does or things you like about them in a diary/journal/notebook. Or think of what you like about him/her as you fall asleep.
03:36
August 15, 2019
Celebration
Three couples. Over 88 years of marriage. What are their children like? Are the spouses always nice? Celebrate marriage. Learn how to thrive.
07:00
August 7, 2019
Lines, Lines, Everwhere Eliminate Lines
Arguing, hurtful teasing, and ineffective traditions are like waiting in needless lines. Learn new concepts and ideas to help your family accelerate and excel.
07:10
July 31, 2019
Mullet Like MacGyver: Why True Love Expects And Accepts
Melissa accepted me from day one. At 129 pounds. With braces. And just a fewest years removed from a MacGyver worthy mullet. And she expected I'd get better with time and effort. Love is a combination of acceptance and expectations, boundaries and grace.
04:36
July 22, 2019
Your Marriage Needs The Relative Race
How would your Marriage do if you had to compete for $50,000? If you had no internet? No smartphone? Needed to navigate with maps? Traveled to unknown cities/towns?
05:10
July 13, 2019
The Three Drivers: Attributes of Marriage Mavens
Hundreds of things are needed for enjoyment in marriage. But things what matter most?
04:12
July 6, 2019
Susceptible: Porous People
A marriage matures and endures as one or both spouses become susceptible to growth. Impervious individuals resist responsibility. Susceptible spouses bounce ideas off of one another, solicit feedback and continually take accountability. Impervious marrieds resist change like steel against flint. A couple saved two thousand dollars in home remodeling by bouncing ideas off of each other. They were open to new ideas and concepts, thinking a great idea would come by being susceptible to other's ideas. Are you becoming susceptible (porous) or impervious?
06:08
June 29, 2019
Kobe Tap Danced: Putting In The Work
Recently on a trip I found myself in a Barnes and Noble. And I picked up a book called The Mamba Mentality by Kobe Bryant. Several parts of the book were intriguing, but one part in particular I needed to re-read a couple times. Kobe Bryant, five time NBA champion, mentioned that his legs were very weak in his first season in the NBA. At one point he air-balled multiple shots against the Utah Jazz in the Playoffs. So he decided to take up tap dancing to strengthen his legs and improve his timing. The result? He had one of the most successful and long careers in NBA history. What are your weak legs? What are your air balls? What I like about Kobe in this situation as he saw his weakness and then he learned how to improve it and then he took action. It takes a humble person to see their weaknesses and then go to work to make them strengths. And where did Kobe find the time? What about the embarrassment? Couldn’t he have just chosen an easier, less effective approach? The best put in the work. Are you ready to work for a better marriage? Are you ready to tap dance your way into a better marriage?
02:23
June 15, 2019
12 Angry Men , Annie, Anne Frank, and Belle: Empathizers
What is empathy? I’ve been studying that a lot lately. It’s the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. Empathy is a byproduct of those who love selflessly. When you love profoundly, then you will yearn and learn to know how to help them. I used to think that empathy was basically like a shock absorber. You know, when people are struggling and having some challenges you simply listen and make sure there’s not so much pressure. You lessen the bumps and the challenges and difficulties so a person doesn’t have to absorb all the challenges alone. But I’ve discovered is more than occasionally helping a loved one. Empathy means we’re so concerned about others thoughts feelings and emotions that we take a vested interest in their lives. Empathy means we’re thinking of others often not just occasionally nor just superficially. I found that it’s all too easy in my life to live an emphatic life instead of an empathetic life. I used to live life with exclamation points instead of question marks. I was more concerned about me and less about others. What are the consequences of not having empathy? Well you don’t know what your spouse really needs because you haven’t really listened to their heart. So you’re guessing. You’re looking at their needs through your own eyes not theirs. Perhaps most importantly is your spouse is going to have to suffer alone because you’re not willing to alleviate some of the burden by listening and being empathetic. Empathetic people create longer term relationships because they truly connect with others. Empathetic people are focused on helping others. Empathetic people have richer lives because they have rich relationships.
06:03
June 7, 2019
Putting A Seatbelt On Puppy Food
Does everything have to be perfect? Are you a control freak? Let me share my story of controlling less and controlling more. How does control factor into marriage? Parenting?
06:37
May 27, 2019
Self-Aware Sunburned Spouse: Learning to Become Better
My wife taught me the importance of learning from others and learning from history so as to learn what I don’t know that others know and improving on weaknesses that others nor myself know about. The Johari Window and Anne of Green Gables offer insights into happier marriages.
06:37
May 18, 2019
The Finnish Lock: Exclusively and Cherished
Love is like a water well. Focus intently and go deep. Let no diversions or distractions detract from your one love. And remember love is more than duty. It involves cherishing, sacrificing, and eliminating.
05:56
May 10, 2019
143
Pittsburgh’s Childrens Museum helped me understand Mister Rogers. Fred Rogers taught love, helping during crises and using blessings to raise others up.
04:13
April 29, 2019
On The Altar: Give Up To Go Up
Sacrifice is the key to increased love, healed marriages and transformational relationships. What should you give up?
06:21
April 19, 2019
Saints and Sinners; Victims and Villiains
How do you view your spouse? Yourself? Is it possible to change how you see your spouse? Have a more unified, equal partnership by becoming like four women described in this episode.
04:39
April 12, 2019
ThrivingTwogether Tools: Excellent Resources for a Better Marriage
Details on the newly enhanced ThrivingTwogether.com. From podcasts to a YouTube channel, and blogs to social media. Enjoy!
03:28
April 4, 2019
Losers
It’s time to have more resiliency, to embrace difficult situations and losses as lessons learned. Perfection isn’t needed in marriage or any relationship. Let’s get real, vulnerable. I’d like to share some of my worst losses to help you know what winners know: losing is needful!
08:22
March 28, 2019
Tandem: Interdependence
During a visit to a small town I observed several people riding tandem bikes up and down mountains and throughout the town. I don't see that very often where I live so that caused me to think a little bit. Riding a tandem bike is the ultimate metaphor for being interdependent. Two people come together to unitedly move forward. A couple must work together (interdependently) on a tandem bike. Working against each other (independently) causes stagnation. Interdependence not independence is vital for happiness and progression. Work with each other. Understand each other. Move forward together. Learn to work together. Learn to seek your spouses interest and their well-being. Hold them in high regard. Two together make a tandem bike progress. And a marriage.
04:46
March 22, 2019
Power In The Present: Hope In The Future
A couple are trying to avoid divorce, but they have no compelling vision. They are burdened down "managing" a family. And they take no time to create a compelling future. Expanding perspective by 5% causes effectiveness to double. Looking through your spouse's eyes (seeking to understand before being understood*) is a great way to expand perspective. Expanding our vision causes us to overcome the inertia of proximity to our problems. Oftentimes the closeness of our problems causes us to feel overwhelmed and dejected. Looking at our problems with a Seuratesque perspective causes hope to soar. Standing back a little to view art is a lot like life. We see the big beautiful picture by simply expanding our vision. Similarly, looking too closely at a piece of art causes catatonic confusion. Don't get overwhelmed by clinging too tightly to the present. Find hope in creating a combined, compelling 220px-Contacteye future. What is your ideal image for your family? Your finances? How could you expand your mutual vision? (*HT to Stephen R. Covey)
04:12
March 15, 2019
Easy Peasy: Simple Solutions For Massive Problems
We all deal with giant problems in our relationships. This episode provides insights into solving those problems. Small and simple is what Dr Seuss taught as did Ockham.
06:41
March 7, 2019
Grit
Character drives tenacious people to cling to covenants over convenience. Grit is often the separator between divorce and ecstasy. In this episode I share a personal example of the grittiest person I know, my wife.
04:57
March 1, 2019
Lumberjacks Need Not Apply
Nourishing, not quick fixes nor exchanges, is what’s needed for most relationships to heal and thrive. Love, respect, and time are some of the ways we can grow better relationships.
03:51
February 16, 2019
I’m A Meteorologist: Choosing Sunlight
The ability to choose and choosing wisely matter more than circumstances. It’s imperative to be more of a thermostat than a thermometer. Life has horrible moments, but we determine what those situations mean. We should remember Phil Connors in Groundhog Day. Become a better, transformed person daily so you can lift everyone you meet.
05:00
February 13, 2019
Yet: The Power To Change Anything
Each of us struggles with pain, addiction, fear, missteps, and disappointment. What is the key to getting better? Yet. Yet is a word imbued with hope and promise. It’s a word that inspires us to work while we wait and trust in a miracle.
05:40
February 6, 2019
Living Unlimited: A Better Life With Minimal Effort
Systems and specific practice to finding 2-10X happiness. Eliminating weaknesses, practicing deliberately the one thing so as to catapult your relationship.
04:43
January 30, 2019
Becoming Ronnie
Lessons from a President who loved people intently. And couldn’t stop loving even when he was a big shot or when he was shot.
04:21
January 23, 2019
Within. Tips on making more money and cutting expenses.
Certificates to make more money. And bargains to cut expenses.
03:30
January 17, 2019
Catch Me If You Can
Ever feel like you have a troubled marriage? A difficult child? This episode contains the best advice I’ve ever received to connect with the difficult. It’s all about attention. What do you pay attention to?
04:29
January 9, 2019
Mulligan: Doing Life Over
We often hold grudges, forget to forgive and feel like giving up. We compare ourself to others. A Mulligan is a do-over. Go ahead try again. Try better. Don’t worry about the past.
02:00
January 3, 2019
Free Gifts
How to block unwanted calls, start a podcast for free, listen to podcasts, and where to find Thriving Twogether.
04:07
December 27, 2018
Don’t Pop The Balloons: Let The Air Out
It’s easy to loudly explode with our children, spouse, or coworkers. But take the balloon approach. Slowly, quietly, work toward solutions.
03:13
December 13, 2018
Like A Willow: The Art Of Peace
Being flexible, united and full of light creates a thriving relationship. What Aikido’s founder knew about relationships.
05:29
November 16, 2018
The 9 Month Date
Dating often and regularly allows peace and love. Communication, goals, and dreams are fostered during frequent, fun dates.
03:49
November 2, 2018
Who Created Marriage? Who Heals Marriages?
Spirituality in marriage is vital for flourishing. Going to God in gratitude and asking for gifts is the most important way to an enduringly happy marriage.
04:36
October 26, 2018
Intimacy: Getting Closer
Two grand keys to intimacy: purity and humility.
03:47
October 10, 2018
The Boy Scouts and The Brazilians Meet In Mexico
Serving, loving and selflessly lifting create joy and happiness.
05:58
October 3, 2018
A Ferrari For Your Marriage
Limited, curtailed marriages can become high performing masterpieces. Just add time and money and interest.
03:01
August 14, 2018
Marriage is like swimming
Swimming is a metaphor for vibrant marriages. Both partners are valuable and needed just like legs and arms work in harmony to propel swimmers.
02:15
July 10, 2018
Like A Liver
Regeneration and growth in marriage comes from improving self.
02:44
July 5, 2018
Let It Fly
Confidence, joy and unity follow when a “Let It Fly” attitude is cultivated.
01:49
May 22, 2018
Reset Your Preset
Enhance your relationships by changing your habits and responses.
00:51
March 28, 2018
Lessons From Lincoln
Life Lessons From Lincoln
02:08
February 23, 2018