The No Contact Club: Healing From A Narcissistic Mother
By Chloe and Porsha
The No Contact Club: Healing From A Narcissistic MotherMay 09, 2022
Episode Thirty Three: The No Contact Series, Part 1
This week Porsha and Chloe bring you the first in a series of episodes focused on going no contact. They chat about how they went no contact and what it means to cut all contact with someone. Support links are below.
Need to talk? Free call or text 1737 any time for support from a trained counsellor.
Lifeline – 0800 543 354 (0800 LIFELINE) or free text 4357 (HELP).
Suicide Crisis Helpline – 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO).
Healthline – 0800 611 116
Youthline – 0800 376 633
USA.
Episode Thirty Two: Let's Talk Hiatus
Need to talk? Free call or text 1737 any time for support from a trained counsellor.
Lifeline – 0800 543 354 (0800 LIFELINE) or free text 4357 (HELP).
Suicide Crisis Helpline – 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO).
Healthline – 0800 611 116
Youthline – 0800 376 633
USA.
Episode Thirty One: Repercussions Part Two
This week, Chloe and Porsha bring you part two of their series on repercussions: the social repercussions of growing up with a narcissistic parent. Support links and references are below.
Want to shout us a coffee? http://www.ko-fi.com/thenocontactclub
Need to talk? Free call or text 1737 any time for support from a trained counsellor.
Lifeline – 0800 543 354 (0800 LIFELINE) or free text 4357 (HELP).
Suicide Crisis Helpline – 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO).
Healthline – 0800 611 116
Youthline – 0800 376 633
USA.
UK: Click here or here for UK based helplines and services.
References:
Episode Thirty: Repercussions, Part One
This week, Chloe and Porsha bring you part one in a two-part series on the repercussions of growing up with a narcissistic parent. This week, they discuss the impact on mental health. Support links and references below. TW: Suicide
Need to talk? Free call or text 1737 any time for support from a trained counsellor.
Lifeline – 0800 543 354 (0800 LIFELINE) or free text 4357 (HELP).
Suicide Crisis Helpline – 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO).
Healthline – 0800 611 116
Youthline – 0800 376 633
USA.
UK: Click here or here for UK based helplines and services.
References:
- https://adaa.org/learn-from-us/from-the-experts/blog-posts/consumer/women-narcissistic-parents
- https://www.psychologytoday.com/nz/blog/romance-redux/201609/8-common-long-lasting-effects-narcissistic-parenting
- https://narcissistfamilyfiles.com/2017/03/02/adult-children-of-narcissists-face-trauma-induced-health-risks/
- https://www.forbes.com/sites/kathycaprino/2016/07/09/how-being-raised-by-a-narcissist-damages-your-life-and-self-esteem/#2715d9a42c67
- https://www.psychologytoday.com/nz/blog/insight-is-2020/201405/narcissistic-parents-psychological-effect-their-children
- https://healthyfamilies.beyondblue.org.au/seeking-support/helping-yourself-and-others/online-forums/relationship-and-family-issues/parentified-child-of-a-narcissistic-mother-
- https://open.spotify.com/episode/7v7cQgckBaPDrwkqvudIxl?si=bwPXd9NFQpKl93pPUzniQw&dl_branch=1
Episode Twenty Nine: Let's Talk Motherhood with Author Amy Huber
Episode Twenty Eight: Psuedomutuality
Episode Twenty Seven: Let's Talk Mental Health, Part 2
A March 2021 Update
Episode Twenty Six: Parentification
Welcome to the second episode of 2021. This week, Chloe and Porsha discuss parentification; what it is, and all the negative things that can result from it. If you want to send some feedback or just say hi, email us at thenocontactclub@gmail.com. If you need support, please see the numbers below.
Black Lives Matter: https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/
NEW ZEALAND:
Lifeline: 0800 543354
Depression Helpline: 0800 111 757 (Text 4202)
AUSTRALIA:
Lifeline Crisis Support: 13 11 14
Beyond Blue: Depression and anxiety support: 1300 22 46 36
Rape & Domestic Violence Services: 1800 737 732
Men's Line: 1300 78 99 78
Headspace: Youth Mental Health Foundation: see headspace.org.au for your local centre.
USA:
Distress & Lifeline: 1800 273 8255
Crisis Text Line: text HOME to 741 741
Domestic Violence Helpline: 1800 799 7233
Victim Connect: support for victims of crime: 855 484 2846
MTC program: maketheconnection.net/resources/spread-the-word
UK:
Mind: mental health support: 0300 123 3393
SANE: mental health support: 0300 304 7000
Samaritans support network: 116 123
National Stalking Helpline: 0808 802 0300
CANADA:
For a list of Canadian crisis centres: https://thelifelinecanada.ca/help/call/
References:
- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parentification#:~:text=Parentification%20is%20the%20process%20of,alienating%20parent's%20emotional%20life.
- https://www.newportacademy.com/resources/mental-health/parentification/
- https://theawarenesscentre.com/parentification/
- https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2017/10/when-kids-have-to-parent-their-siblings-it-affects-them-for-life/543975/
- https://www.mentalhelp.net/blogs/family-boundaries-and-the-parentified-child/
- https://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/parentification/
- https://www.huffpost.com/entry/the-narcissist-parents-psychological-warfare-parentifying_b_59124c7de4b0e070cad709df?guccounter=1&guce_referrer=aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZ29vZ2xlLmNvbS8&guce_referrer_sig=AQAAABFevPPUteVy1HfK_cEWMIeMiByu8L3K9Gxm3t9SNGu9y7Rz3nGMSGyuxENVdFwTI7lYbtylgRBO760P6RxgG6BHiyxuPQ4dMICW4BsNwKf0tcY6BCUbjag3JQFDxXLf7raE3mWsjyozkmBFNpFZzDNKJBl4eA82v_oVeTYZYe22
- https://theawarenesscentre.com/narcissistic-parent/
- https://recoveryhelpnow.com/breaking-the-cycle-of-parentification/
Episode Twenty Five: Should You Forgive Your Abuser?
It's 2021 and TNCC is back! For the first episode of 2021, we are talking about forgiveness. Should you forgive your narcissistic mother? If you want to send some feedback or just say hi, email us at thenocontactclub@gmail.com. If you need support, please see the numbers below.
Black Lives Matter: https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/
NEW ZEALAND:
Lifeline: 0800 543354
Depression Helpline: 0800 111 757 (Text 4202)
AUSTRALIA:
Lifeline Crisis Support: 13 11 14
Beyond Blue: Depression and anxiety support: 1300 22 46 36
Rape & Domestic Violence Services: 1800 737 732
Men's Line: 1300 78 99 78
Headspace: Youth Mental Health Foundation: see headspace.org.au for your local centre.
USA:
Distress & Lifeline: 1800 273 8255
Crisis Text Line: text HOME to 741 741
Domestic Violence Helpline: 1800 799 7233
Victim Connect: support for victims of crime: 855 484 2846
MTC program: maketheconnection.net/resources/spread-the-word
UK:
Mind: mental health support: 0300 123 3393
SANE: mental health support: 0300 304 7000
Samaritans support network: 116 123
National Stalking Helpline: 0808 802 0300
CANADA:
For a list of Canadian crisis centres: https://thelifelinecanada.ca/help/call/
References:
- https://medium.com/publishous/do-you-need-to-forgive-your-abuser-to-heal-faf20303be87
- https://www.ashleyeaster.com/blog/forgiving-doesnt-mean
- https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/why-i-dont-use-the-word-forgiveness-in-trauma-therapy-0120164
- https://www.psychcentral.com/blog/good-daughter/2018/07/should-you-blame-or-forgive-your-narcissistic-difficult-mother https://ragingfemale.com/adult-child-of-a-narcissist/#:~:text=A%20narcissistic%20parent%20can%20twist,parents%20when%20you're%20young https://outofthefog.website/
- https://theinvisiblescar.wordpress.com/
Episode Twenty Four: Let's Talk 2020
This week Chloe and Porsha keep it lowkey and discuss 2020 - the rollercoaster that it has been, the lows, the highs, and the cats. If you want to send some feedback or just say hi, email us at thenocontactclub@gmail.com. If you need support, please see the numbers below. Black Lives Matter: https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/ NEW ZEALAND: Lifeline: 0800 543354 Depression Helpline: 0800 111 757 (Text 4202) AUSTRALIA: Lifeline Crisis Support: 13 11 14 Beyond Blue: Depression and anxiety support: 1300 22 46 36 Rape & Domestic Violence Services: 1800 737 732 Men's Line: 1300 78 99 78 Headspace: Youth Mental Health Foundation: see headspace.org.au for your local centre. USA: Distress & Lifeline: 1800 273 8255 Crisis Text Line: text HOME to 741 741 Domestic Violence Helpline: 1800 799 7233 Victim Connect: support for victims of crime: 855 484 2846 MTC program: maketheconnection.net/resources/spread-the-word UK: Mind: mental health support: 0300 123 3393 SANE: mental health support: 0300 304 7000 Samaritans support network: 116 123 National Stalking Helpline: 0808 802 0300 CANADA: For a list of Canadian crisis centres: https://thelifelinecanada.ca/help/call/
Episode Twenty Three: The No Contact Club Holiday Special
Episode Twenty Two: Surprise! Your Mother-in-law is a Narcissist
This week, Porsha and Chloe are joined by Ellen to discuss what it's like to come into a family with a narcissistic mother at the helm. They talk about normalising what shouldn't be normalised, and Ellen discusses her experiences coming into the family with Chloe and Porsha's narcissistic mother. If you want to send some feedback or just say hi, email us at thenocontactclub@gmail.com. If you need support, please see the numbers below.
Black Lives Matter: https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/
NEW ZEALAND:
Lifeline: 0800 543354
Depression Helpline: 0800 111 757 (Text 4202)
AUSTRALIA:
Lifeline Crisis Support: 13 11 14
Beyond Blue: Depression and anxiety support: 1300 22 46 36
Rape & Domestic Violence Services: 1800 737 732
Men's Line: 1300 78 99 78
Headspace: Youth Mental Health Foundation: see headspace.org.au for your local centre.
USA:
Distress & Lifeline: 1800 273 8255
Crisis Text Line: text HOME to 741 741
Domestic Violence Helpline: 1800 799 7233
Victim Connect: support for victims of crime: 855 484 2846
MTC program: maketheconnection.net/resources/spread-the-word
UK:
Mind: mental health support: 0300 123 3393
SANE: mental health support: 0300 304 7000
Samaritans support network: 116 123
National Stalking Helpline: 0808 802 0300
CANADA:
For a list of Canadian crisis centres: https://thelifelinecanada.ca/help/call/
References:
Episode Twenty One: Was It Really Abuse?
Episode Twenty: Let's Talk Therapy
Episode Nineteen: Let's Talk Triggers
Episode Eighteen: Codependency
This week, Chloe and Porsha are discussing codependency. If you want to send some feedback or just say hi, email us at thenocontactclub@gmail.com. If you need support, please see the numbers below.
Black Lives Matter: https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/
NEW ZEALAND:
Lifeline: 0800 543354
Depression Helpline: 0800 111 757 (Text 4202)
AUSTRALIA:
Lifeline Crisis Support: 13 11 14
Beyond Blue: Depression and anxiety support: 1300 22 46 36
Rape & Domestic Violence Services: 1800 737 732
Men's Line: 1300 78 99 78
Headspace: Youth Mental Health Foundation: see headspace.org.au for your local centre.
USA:
Distress & Lifeline: 1800 273 8255
Crisis Text Line: text HOME to 741 741
Domestic Violence Helpline: 1800 799 7233
Victim Connect: support for victims of crime: 855 484 2846
MTC program: maketheconnection.net/resources/spread-the-word
UK:
Mind: mental health support: 0300 123 3393
SANE: mental health support: 0300 304 7000
Samaritans support network: 116 123
National Stalking Helpline: 0808 802 0300
CANADA: For a list of Canadian crisis centres: https://thelifelinecanada.ca/help/call/
References:
- https://www.psychologytoday.com/nz/blog/toxic-relationships/201907/narcissists-are-codependent-too#:~:text=Codependency%20is%20a%20disorder%20of,identified%20with%20their%20ideal%20self.
- https://www.psychologytoday.com/nz/blog/toxic-relationships/201902/escaping-the-codependent-narcissist-trap
- https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/codependency-narcissism-may-have-more-in-common-than-you-think-0807187
- https://psychcentral.com/blog/the-dance-between-codependents-narcissists/
- https://www.whatiscodependency.com/narcissistic-relationships-with-narcissists/
- https://www.mentalhelp.net/blogs/the-relationship-between-narcissism-and-codependency/
- https://go.gale.com/ps/anonymous?id=GALE%7CA539922311&sid=googleScholar&v=2.1&it=r&linkaccess=abs&issn=15205495&p=AONE&sw=w
- Codependence, Narcissism, and Childhood Trauma by Harvey J. Irwin of the University of New England, Australia (accessed through the Open Polytechnic library).
Episode Seventeen: Feeling Empowered After No Contact
Episode Sixteen: The Trauma Bond
Episode Fifteen: Let's Talk Mental Health
Episode Fourteen: Hoovering
Episode Thirteen: When The Narcissist Discards You
This week, Porsha and Chloe discuss a further aspect to the narcissist's cycle: the discard.
If you want to send some feedback or just say hi, email us at thenocontactclub@gmail.com. If you need support, please see the numbers below.
Black Lives Matter: https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/
NEW ZEALAND:
Lifeline: 0800 543354
Depression Helpline: 0800 111 757 (Text 4202)
AUSTRALIA:
Lifeline Crisis Support: 13 11 14
Beyond Blue: Depression and anxiety support: 1300 22 46 36
Rape & Domestic Violence Services: 1800 737 732
Men's Line: 1300 78 99 78
Headspace: Youth Mental Health Foundation: see headspace.org.au for your local centre.
USA:
Distress & Lifeline: 1800 273 8255
Crisis Text Line: text HOME to 741 741
Domestic Violence Helpline: 1800 799 7233
Victim Connect: support for victims of crime: 855 484 2846
MTC program: maketheconnection.net/resources/spread-the-word
UK:
Mind: mental health support: 0300 123 3393
SANE: mental health support: 0300 304 7000
Samaritans support network: 116 123
National Stalking Helpline: 0808 802 0300
CANADA:
For a list of Canadian crisis centres: https://thelifelinecanada.ca/help/call/
References:
- https://www.insider.com/phrases-narcissists-use-2018-8#:~:text=The%20discard%20phase,found%20someone%20new%20to%20abuse.
- https://narcwise.com/2019/02/15/signs-narcissist-preparing-discard/
- https://www.businessinsider.com/whether-a-narcissist-discards-someone-permanently-depends-on-3-factors-2017-11?IR=T
- https://narcissistabusesupport.com/narcissist-discard-phase-revenge-peace/
- https://medium.com/narcissistic-abuse-rehab/why-do-narcissists-discard-their-own-children-f05d10006a2
- https://blogs.psychcentral.com/recovering-narcissist/2019/04/5-manipulation-tactics-narcissistic-parents-use-to-control-their-adult-children/
- https://beentheregotout.com/breaking-up-and-the-discard-how-a-narcissist-acts-at-the-end-of-a-relationship/?gclid=CjwKCAjwps75BRAcEiwAEiACMY3DpHZWiXjk7wdzFGNFKMbtUOejDgxF9iKkcPqnt_E4HHH0taTUpRoCPVwQAvD_BwE
Episode Twelve: The Narcissist's Cycle of Abuse
Episode Eleven: Parental Alienation
Episode Ten: Boundaries
Episode Nine: From Victim to Survivor
Episode Eight: Narcissist Arguing Tactics
Episode Seven: Alcoholism
Episode Six: Reading Your Emails
Chloe is solo this week as she reads out some of the emails they've received.
If you want to send some feedback or just say hi, email us at thenocontactclub@gmail.com. If you need support, please see the numbers below.
NEW ZEALAND:
Lifeline: 0800 543354
Depression Helpline: 0800 111 757 (Text 4202)
AUSTRALIA:
Lifeline Crisis Support: 13 11 14
Beyond Blue: Depression and anxiety support: 1300 22 46 36
Rape & Domestic Violence Services: 1800 737 732
Men's Line: 1300 78 99 78
Headspace: Youth Mental Health Foundation: see headspace.org.au for your local centre .
USA:
Distress & Lifeline: 1800 273 8255
Crisis Text Line: text HOME to 741 741
Domestic Violence Helpline: 1800 799 7233
Victim Connect: support for victims of crime: 855 484 2846
MTC program: maketheconnection.net/resources/spread-the-word
UK:
Mind: mental health support: 0300 123 3393
SANE: mental health support: 0300 304 7000
Samaritans support network: 116 123
National Stalking Helpline: 0808 802 0300
CANADA:
For a list of Canadian crisis centres: https://thelifelinecanada.ca/help/call/
Episode Five: Gaslighting
This week, Chloe is joined by her wife Ellen as Porsha is off sick. There's some talk about books and then they get into gaslighting and the different ways it can be used.
If you want to send some feedback or just say hi, email us at thenocontactclub@gmail.com. If you need support, please see the numbers below.
NEW ZEALAND:
Lifeline: 0800 543354
Depression Helpline: 0800 111 757 (Text 4202)
AUSTRALIA:
Lifeline Crisis Support: 13 11 14
Beyond Blue: Depression and anxiety support: 1300 22 46 36
Rape & Domestic Violence Services: 1800 737 732
Men's Line: 1300 78 99 78
Headspace: Youth Mental Health Foundation: see headspace.org.au for your local centre .
USA:
Distress & Lifeline: 1800 273 8255
Crisis Text Line: text HOME to 741 741
Domestic Violence Helpline: 1800 799 7233
Victim Connect: support for victims of crime: 855 484 2846
MTC program: maketheconnection.net/resources/spread-the-word
UK:
Mind: mental health support: 0300 123 3393
SANE: mental health support: 0300 304 7000
Samaritans support network: 116 123
National Stalking Helpline: 0808 802 0300
CANADA:
For a list of Canadian crisis centres: https://thelifelinecanada.ca/help/call/
References:
- http://www.freefromtoxic.com/2015/05/13/the-4-most-common-narc-sadistic-triangulation-tactics/?fbclid=IwAR2SD4xe7DQv3LX2aoFkMIkEtdWJvFKXrjxlsMzeqlFHwiOytqm18toeZ2s
- https://blogs.psychcentral.com/recovering-narcissist/2019/03/7-gaslighting-phrases-malignant-narcissists-sociopaths-and-psychopaths-use-translated/
- https://www.psychologytoday.com/nz/basics/gaslighting
- https://www.marriage.com/advice/parenting/gaslighting-parents/
- https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/tech-support/201607/why-its-so-hard-see-form-childhood-abuse
- https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/327080#short-term-effects
- https://www.psychologytoday.com/nz/blog/the-narcissist-in-your-life/202004/5-things-children-narcissists-wish-you-would-stop-saying
- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaslighting
Episode Four: The Invisible Child
Today, Porsha and Chloe talk about the invisible or lost child, and other roles and behaviours that occur in a family with a narcissistic mother. Special guest from their sister who is also no contact, Bridie.
If you want to send some feedback or just say hi, email us at thenocontactclub@gmail.com. If you need support, please see the numbers below.
NEW ZEALAND: Lifeline: 0800 543354 Depression Helpline: 0800 111 757 (Text 4202)
AUSTRALIA: Lifeline Crisis Support: 13 11 14 Beyond Blue: Depression and anxiety support: 1300 22 46 36 Rape & Domestic Violence Services: 1800 737 732 Men's Line: 1300 78 99 78 Headspace: Youth Mental Health Foundation: see headspace.org.au for your local centre .
USA: Distress & Lifeline: 1800 273 8255 Crisis Text Line: text HOME to 741 741 Domestic Violence Helpline: 1800 799 7233 Victim Connect: support for victims of crime: 855 484 2846 MTC program: maketheconnection.net/resources/spread-the-word
UK: Mind: mental health support: 0300 123 3393 SANE: mental health support: 0300 304 7000 Samaritans support network: 116 123 National Stalking Helpline: 0808 802 0300
CANADA: For a list of Canadian crisis centres: https://thelifelinecanada.ca/help/call/
References:
Episode Three: The Golden Child
This week, Porsha and Chloe discuss The Golden Child, another piece of the narcissist's family dynamic. Thank you for the support so far!
If you want to send some feedback or just say hi, email us at thenocontactclub@gmail.com. If you need support, please see the numbers below.
NEW ZEALAND: Lifeline: 0800 543354 Depression Helpline: 0800 111 757 (Text 4202)
AUSTRALIA: Lifeline Crisis Support: 13 11 14 Beyond Blue: Depression and anxiety support: 1300 22 46 36 Rape & Domestic Violence Services: 1800 737 732 Men's Line: 1300 78 99 78 Headspace: Youth Mental Health Foundation: see headspace.org.au for your local centre .
USA: Distress & Lifeline: 1800 273 8255 Crisis Text Line: text HOME to 741 741 Domestic Violence Helpline: 1800 799 7233 Victim Connect: support for victims of crime: 855 484 2846 MTC program: maketheconnection.net/resources/spread-the-word
UK: Mind: mental health support: 0300 123 3393 SANE: mental health support: 0300 304 7000 Samaritans support network: 116 123 National Stalking Helpline: 0808 802 0300
CANADA: For a list of Canadian crisis centres: https://thelifelinecanada.ca/help/call/
References:
Episode Two: The Scapegoat
Chloe and Porsha dive deep into what it means to be a scapegoat within the narcissist's family dynamic and talk about their own experiences of being a scapegoat.
If you want to send some feedback or just say hi, email us at thenocontactclub@gmail.com. If you need support, please see the numbers below.
NEW ZEALAND: Lifeline: 0800 543354 Depression Helpline: 0800 111 757 (Text 4202)
AUSTRALIA: Lifeline Crisis Support: 13 11 14 Beyond Blue: Depression and anxiety support: 1300 22 46 36 Rape & Domestic Violence Services: 1800 737 732 Men's Line: 1300 78 99 78 Headspace: Youth Mental Health Foundation: see headspace.org.au for your local centre .
USA: Distress & Lifeline: 1800 273 8255 Crisis Text Line: text HOME to 741 741 Domestic Violence Helpline: 1800 799 7233 Victim Connect: support for victims of crime: 855 484 2846 MTC program: maketheconnection.net/resources/spread-the-word
UK: Mind: mental health support: 0300 123 3393 SANE: mental health support: 0300 304 7000 Samaritans support network: 116 123 National Stalking Helpline: 0808 802 0300
CANADA: For a list of Canadian crisis centres: https://thelifelinecanada.ca/help/call/
References:
- https://www.insider.com/sibling-dynamics-behaviors-narcissistic-families-2019-7
- https://www.insider.com/children-of-narcissistic-parents-are-either-favourite-or-scapegoat-2019-1
- https://narcissistfamilyfiles.com/2017/02/24/the-strength-of-the-scapegoat-in-the-narcissist-familystrength-narcissist-family-scapegoat/
- https://www.psychologytoday.com/nz/blog/tech-support/201711/how-narcissistic-parents-scapegoat-their-children