Two Clowns and a Goat

After months spent away from the world licking their wounds from the now infamous 'Roast of TC and Alex', the guys courageously enter back into the world of podcasting to try and reclaim their confidence. To do so, they fumble through the complex physics of Tenet and make NFL predictions surely to fall apart by week 2. It's good to be back.

After yearsss of waiting, Roast-Master Kaitlyn finally accepted the invitation to join the show. The sting of her quips was dulled only slightly by the coffee cake she served to us as she delivered her blows. Luckily, Dr. Kaitlyn also made an appearance and was there to mend us back together in the end!

The world is in quarantine. Employees across the globe are now working from home. Fresh out of the shadow of their bosses' supervision, the Clowns coalesce to create their first ever LIVE on-the-job podcast. Goat Arnav joins the special to give his unique perspective inside American hospitals and to help the guys formulate appropriate responses to the emails being received LIVE on-air. To our bosses' dismay, no real work is accomplished. Instead, a podcast is born. Stay healthy, my friends.

The guys return to the studio to discuss the perplexing dimension in which they've found themselves, early on in this new decade: 

• Prince Harry now plays for the Eagles. 
• Three goats are somehow playing Jeopardy. 
• Mono runs rampant in the Bachelor mansion.
• TC goes train hopping with the woman formerly known as the Duchess of Sussex.
• Alex steals the Mona Lisa.

This is the middle ground between light and shadow -- between man's grasp and his reach; between science and superstition; between the pit of his fears and the sunlight of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination. It is an area that might be called the Twilight Zone.

With nothing but a 45 minute timer and a starting point, the guys channel their inner Seinfeld to see just how wide-ranging and pointless their conversation could be.

TC flirts with the idea of a quid pro quo as he gets involved in a dessert-tasting competition at work. Alex pitches a new movie idea Ferris Bueller would be proud of. The guys discuss the exciting new development that is Gardner Minshew (and other NFL news). The episode wraps up with a couple of new holiday ideas America is sure to fall in love with. 

Dr. Martin Luther Cain Jr. drops into the studio for his first appearance. The guys explore a new, Food Network-inspired segment they are calling TChopped. The episode wraps up with an exhilarating tour inside the walls of the generic, American work place.

Timestamps: 

• 2:10 - 20K+ Email Disaster
• 9:27 - TC hates Steve Perry's voice
• 13:53 - Tech Talk
• 21:13 - Dr. Cain arrives!
• 31:10 - Football is BACK
• 1:17:00 - TChopped
• 1:36:47 - Bachelor Update
• 1:36:58 - Mount Rushmore of office "guys"

The boys pitch a new monocle business that the world should keep an eye on. TC continues building his resume for a potential Webster's Dictionary career. A new movie title anagram segment is introduced. Finally, a list of Harry Potter pickup lines sure to work in the muggle world.

TimeStamps:

8:30 - What if Prohibition came back?

15:05 - Monocle Business Pitch

25:10 - Shirt Tags

32:40 - Bachelorette

42:30 - NFL

51:20 - Movie Title Anagrams

1:04:56 - Harry Potter Pick-Up Lines

The guys welcome on their youngest goats ever

Cain clan comes in full force in this in depth interview. Alex gives a nickname. TC forfeits his first name. Darby tells all. 

In this wide ranging episode, the guys reveal themselves as anti-dentites and join a book club. TC sends Star Wars memes to girls on Bumble, while Alex preps for a karaoke performance on international waters. 

One day, 20 years from now, we will laugh at the descriptions of these episodes. I pray to the gods that our children never discover this treasure chest full of reasons to lose all respect for their old men. Cheers!

This one goes out to all the football adicts out there who just needs a fix. The two clowns and their goat have you this week. Just take a load off sit back with a glass of nice cold eggnog and enjoy.

In this instant classic, the guys interview their first super-fan, Mark Heaths, a man History will not soon forget. After reaching out on Twitter, the California-native makes a shocking revelation that shakes the foundation of the world as we know it. The first shots in a bloody war have been fired. May God watch over our souls.

One week from the draft. Nick goes to Europe. TC has phone complaints. Alex gets talkative at the urinal. The guys break down the Star Wars trailer and judge internet strangers. 

Alex calls for a hitman. TC calls off the engagement. Ashwinn is blessed by an elephant. The guys make an appeal to our California fanbase. Also Henry if you're reading this (and I know you are) we love you 

In this episode, TC details his engagement. Alex takes a time machine back to high school. We learn of the 6 degrees of David Lindhagen. TC looks to stay safe in his potentially explosive work environment. Alex calls Chicago. And remember, it's LeviOsa, not LeviosA.

Alex is a popcorn guy. TC has been given manifest destiny.  We both need Uncle Wayne.

New goat, Mikey, shakes the foundation of the breakfast world with his PopTart-eating technique. Alex cannot solve the getting-a-hair-cut puzzle. TC receives an education on Carrot Top. This podcast continues to be a shining beacon of hope for people of all walks of life. 

In this special episode, fan-favorite, Tori, and new goattess, Rhea, join the show to break down the Bachelor season finale. Along the way, TC continues his forbidden love affair with Chris Harrison. Tori figures out a way to break the Chick-fil-a sandwich . Alex botches an Air Supply homage. And Rhea sips on her gin.

 The products of a genetic experiment, fraternal twins Alex ( Arnold Schwarzenegger) and Brianne (Danny DeVito) are separated at birth and told their family is dead. Now Brianne, an unscrupulous street hustler, eeks out a living in Atlanta while Alex grows up in Wisconsin raised  grows up humble, intelligent and strong, but very naive about the larger world. When they are brought together on a podcast they learn the true meaning of life, love, and family.

Sponsored by pants. You don't need to change them every day.  

Alex hits the slopes. TC nails a joke about paper. A Bachelor time-travel theory presents itself. The guys break down the Combine and give their first mock drafts of the offseason. Another week of Close Encounters proves futile. Jay Cutler continues to find his way into our hearts.

Valentine's Day was a rousing success. TC sees through Chris Harrison's disguise. Alex defends a horseman. This is slowly just becoming a bachelor podcast

TC hates nuts. Alex joins the IRA. The boys embark on a Valentine's Day mission that will surely end in failure.

Also, where is Chris Harrison??

Alex survives The Day After Tomorrow. TC is playing matchmaker. The guys get ready for another Brady Super Bowl win :/

The boys take a sentimental trip down 'Two Clowns and a Goat' memory lane. All the laughs, the tears, and the horrible sports takes from this past year are boiled down into one glorious episode.

The guys recap a heart breaking national championship, a great playoff weekend, and a few breaking NFL headlines. A new Goatess has arrived! Tori joins the podcast for the first time. Alex goes on a Toucan safari. TC's plague of women continues. Tori gives the guys some much needed advice

TC is trying to date a spy. Alex is trying to contribute to the unemployment problem. We both forgot next week is Christmas