u awake?

Is social media making us more disconnected? 💔

Is social media addiction now just ‘the way it is’? 💊

When was the last time you were bored? 🥱

In this special guest episode, Khema (@khema.1) and Nalanda (@nal.jakjan) chat with our friend Asanga about the vortex that is social media and our technological devices. We talk about conscious consumption and output of content, to add to the important and developing conversation on social media in this day and age 💻📱

Our guest

Asanga is a Sri-Lankan Australian who grew up in the south east suburbs of Naarm. He currently is based on Ngunawal Country and works in public policy. He has a deep passion for advocating for multicultural young people having worked and volunteered for a number of youth advocacy and service delivery organisations. You can frequently find him tinkering with his camera or trying to improve a wayward jump shot.

Timestamps

(00:56) Introduction to Asanga

(03:01) What is your relationship with social media?

(03:46) Asanga’s relationship with social media

(07:06) Different uses for social media

(08:31) Nalanda’s relationship with social media

(11:40) How do you handle triggering content?

(14:06) Khema’s relationship with social media

(15:58) Sutrayana vs Vajrayana

(16:38) Not censoring content and observing how your mind reacts

(17:20) Different avenues for content consumption

(19:04) The algorithm can hijack you (and your senses)

(20:08) Conscious consumption

(20:39) Not looking at Instagram stories

(22:36) We are settling for mediocre connections

(23:50) But we are also conNECTED AF

(26:27) Superficiality of content

(27:40) An outlet for DNMs

(29:34) Micro-rejections, praise and blame

(32:32) Posting for yourself > for others

(35:33) Not quantifying memories

(36:23) You have to be prepared for feedback

(37:56) A powerful tool for social impact

(40:01) Delivering the positive impacts of social media (e.g. BeReal)

(42:48) Our relationships with our devices

(50:30) When was the last time you were bored?

(51:42) Being glued to your device is socially acceptable

(52:33) Restraint from consuming content

(53:05) Society catering to our phone addictions

(54:07) How loneliness shows up under anesthesia

(55:00) Not being on your device is unusual

(55:55) Aimless scrolling

(56:36) Strategies to limit use of device

(58:31) Downtimes and holidays

(01:02:20) No phones at the temple

References

🚨 Trigger warning: suicide, loneliness, depression 🚨

Jaded (adj.) The end result of having a steady flow of negative experiences, disappointment, and unfulfilment fed into a person where they get to the point where their anger circuits just sort of burn out and they accept disillusionment.

If you have reached this stage in your life, congratulations! You are well and truly a full-fledged adult! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Jokes aside, as we grow older, it’s hard not to feel jaded as the Disney-induced rose-tinted glasses start coming off and the harsh realities of life set in🌹👓💔

Tune in to Nalanda (@nal.jakjan) and Khema (@khema.1) chat about the hard-to-swallow pills in life, from losing relationships to existential loneliness, with advice from our Ajahn.  

Timestamps (01:06) Jaded about friendships (02:21) Over-dependence (03:16) Rock bottom (07:00) Self-reliance (08:14) Trust issues (09:40) Ajahn’s triple-0 (10:42) Giving without expectation (12:19) The jadedness doesn’t benefit you (12:51) Don’t blame other people if you didn’t communicate properly (13:14) People have a right to be selfish (14:04) It’s hard to ask for help (15:41) Family, career, partner > friends (17:14) Nothing has changed, it’s the view that needs to change (17:42) False sense of security (19:08) Dhamma offers another way (19:17) No expectations > low expectations (20:09) Most of the time people’s actions say more about them than about us (21:17) Taking kindness personally turns into entitlement (22:25) No ‘personal’ relationships (25:05) People’s actions have to do with their qualities (25:25) Needing to feel special and seeking out emotionally unavailable people (26:47) Needing someone during really dire situations (27:13) Family ties (29:20) The vulnerability of disability and losing independence (31:42) Identifications challenged (33:00) There are people out there who have it harder (but don’t dismiss yourself) (35:15) Step 1: Acknowledging that I am helpless right now (37:02) Karma is changeable (37:56) Happy endings (38:23) Enough of Samsara (39:21) Suffered enough (41:07) Sitting with the discomfort (42:04) Burning room (44:47) We’re all just on painkillers (45:12) Family bonds are different (46:25) There is a happiness that is permanent and lasting (47:13) Reality is daunting (47:55) Listen to the whispers (aka intuition) (48:50) A hundred lifetimes of men (49:52) “You can call me anytime” (51:13) Anna Akana (52:18) Psychotherapy vs Dhamma (57:24) The other shore is probably so much better tbh (58:45) Everyone else is suffering too (01:00:00) You’re playing god for yourself (01:01:25) Escaping life and the fear of death   References

Ahhh, the Five Precepts… the bread and butter of Buddhism 🍞🧈

Are they cut-and-dried rules or are there ‘loopholes’? What do you do if you break a precept? What’s the point of keeping sīla (morality) anyway? Is it EVER okay to lie? And will a tiny sip of alcohol really harm anybody?

In this episode Khema (@khema.1) and Nalanda (@nal.jakjan) share their practice of the precepts, stories of when their sīla practice was tested, and reflections on this simple but incredibly profound teaching. 😌

Timestamps

(00:49) Wim Hof Breathing

(04:16) Motivation for the episode

(04:48) Khema’s relationship with sīla

(07:39) Nalanda’s relationship with sīla

(09:37) Ajahn Dtun on sīla

(12:03) ‘Loopholes’ in sīla practice?

(14:00) It’s a training, not a performance

(15:40) Sīla as a lifestyle

(16:46) Gentleness when you make mistakes

(17:12) It ain’t a sin

(17:57) ‘I undertake this training…’

(19:01) Rising up to occasions that test your sīla

(20:13) ‘This is what normal people do’

(21:30) Sila = Brahmaviharas

(23:18) Story #1: Skilful speech (Valentine’s Day drama!!)

(30:50) Story #2: Copyrights

(33:37) Story #3: Alcohol in food

(41:14) Trusting the Buddha & wise shame

(42:25) Finding the middle

(43:06) What about swearing??

(45:18) Integrity uplifts the mind

(46:13) Sīla makes you a safe person

(47:11) The Five Precepts ARE the higher Dhamma

(48:43) Sīla is letting go of ego

(51:50) Going against the stream

(53:11) Thought experiment: Imagine if everyone kept the Five Precepts…

References

When you hear the term ‘self-love’, you think bubble baths, manicures, ice cream. 🛀💅🍨We’ve discovered after some years of experimenting that, no, it is not, in fact, about bubble baths, manicures and ice cream - it’s about being a friend to yourself 🥰 This is actually the practice of mettā or loving-kindness, which is an important foundation of the practice. We feel it’s not talked about enough so we are! Tune in to hear Khema (@khema.1) and Nalanda (@nalanda.jakjan) discuss loneliness, independence, self-empathy and mettā 💕 Timestamps (00:48) - Catch-up (03:33) - Motivation for the episode (06:11) - Gentleness in the practice (07:42) - Loneliness (08:35) - Advice from Ajahns (11:45) - Self-love, self-empathy (13:47) - Fill your own cup first (14:48) - Like a friend would (15:27) - Notice the way yoau talk to yourself (19:25) - Like serving a client (22:12) - Glitches in the mind (23:16) - You can’t do this practice without metta (26:12) - Being intense but also having metta?? (27:45) - The criticiser and the critised (29:37) - Independence is a quality of the stream-enterer (30:52) - You seek out what you lack (31:31) - Being independent vs needing support (35:33) - Attā hi attano nātho (36:41) - What if you have a negative personality?

References:

Kids: to have or not to have? 🤔 That is the question. 

We're reaching that age (mid 20s, to 30s) where we're starting to think about things like marriage and maybe starting a family... 👪👶🍼  

As we look around us, our friends are getting engaged, married or already having children. 

Will I be a good parent? Do parents even have time to themselves, let alone find time to practice meditation? And what is it that makes us want to have children?    

Tune in for this discussion between Khema (@khema.1), Nalanda (@nalanda.jakjan) and our very special guest/ friend/ older 'sister', Narissa (@narissa.jd) 💖  

Timestamps:  

(02:05) - Do you want kids?  

(06:51) - Is it just a ‘biological clock’ ticking in?   

(08:05) - Can you still prioritise your practice if you have a kid?   

(11:04) - Developing unconditional love   

(13:21) - Reasons why people want kids   

(15:14) - How people react when you say “I don’t want kids”   

(18:28) - Having kids ‘as investment’   

(22:00) - Considering our partners in the decision   

(24:35) - Pressure from parents to have kids   

(27:26) - Having children to ‘improve the world’   

(29:32) - The Story of Dipa Ma   

(32:23) - Giving human birth as a gift   

(34:10) - “I would kill for my child” - is that unconditional love?   

(37:18) - Trauma, healing, attachment theory, responsibilities   

(40:57) - Just do your best

References:  

Kicking back off with an intense topic… which hopefully teaches you how to deal with intense pain 🤪 - or how to decide when enduring with pain is unnecessary 😌

Khema (@khema.1) & Nalanda (@jakjan.nalanda) share their experiences from knee pain in meditation to period pains to broken bones 🦴 

References:   

As we transition into adulthood, there are some serious growing pains - especially in our relationship with our parents.   
How do we reconcile the idea of them being these amazing, perfect beings from our childhood and the fact that they are... well, just humans, who experience their own difficulties as individuals?   

Khema (@khema.1) & Nalanda (@jakjan.nalanda) share their difficulties and lessons from their relationships with their parents.   

References: 

How often do we do things just because we think society expects it of us?  
How often do we go after things that we don’t really want?   

These questions are part of the turbulent process of trying to answer the questions: Who am I and what do I want?  

In this episode, we talk quarter-life crises. They’re definitely a thing. As ‘non-starters’ who have had many roadblocks in starting our careers, we understand the pain. It can get frustrating comparing where we are with where our peers are at - but things happens in their own time. Khema (@khema.1) & Nalanda (@jakjan.nalanda) share about social pressures that they have faced as young adults and what they have learned.   

References:

There probably aren’t many things in life that feel worse than losing a pet - but as with all suffering, it can teach you. Khema (@khema.1) & Nalanda (@jakjan.nalanda) share their stories of navigating the process of taking care of furbabies close to death and dealing with the very difficult experience of loss. We also discuss euthanasia, karma and rebirth.  

References:

As Buddhists it’s easy to think that we’re not ‘allowed’ to have depression or anxiety - after all, we’re meant to know the way out of all suffering, right? This week, Khema (@khema.1) & Nalanda (@jakjan.nalanda) chat mental health, stigma and the extra layer of difficulty surrounding these issues as Buddhists, and finding the middle way in practice. 

References:

Do you get nervous around monks? Feel like you have to stand a little straighter? Feel like you gotta be extra holy? We understand. This week, Khema (@khema.1) & Nalanda (@jakjan.nalanda) reflect on their experiences and misconceptions around monks and how that has changed over time. Over time, we’ve learned that monks are very human and that the fear doesn’t serve you. We also talk about the importance of being discerning in choosing which teachers to follow.  

PS HAPPY WESAK!!!!

Resources: