Unbitten: A Journey Through the Twilight Saga
One of us has never read Twilight before, and the other is a self-proclaimed expert. Join us in taking a bite out of Twilight for the first time (or come back for your 17th time!) as we go chapter by chapter through the series.
Ep 36 - New Moon Ch 21: Vampires are like Onions
We are done prerecording and are back to our usually scheduled nonsense! Join Em and Cam as we discuss our new living situations, dive into some fun Volturi lore, and contemplate whether or not Aro has layers like Shrek. Spoiler alert: methinks he does!
September 20, 2021
Ep. 35 - New Moon Ch. 20: Eddie is BACK
Join us on episode 35 where we talk about some actual good media for about 5 minutes before remembering we are a Twilight podcast. Cam declares she will go back in time to prevent bad 2000's fashion, we criticize the Cullens' cars and question (again) Edward's stupid sparkle plan. With Edward back... it's return to simp city.
September 6, 2021
Ep. 34 - New Moon Ch 19: Sheeeeeesh
Because of contractual obligations we did have to do an episode about the worst chapter in this book, chapter 19 which is nothing but a series of flights and Bella being upset. In a surprising twist Cam actually does some research about the city of Volterra. We also question Edward's sense of drama because who actually thinks sparkles are scary??
August 23, 2021
Ep 33 - New Moon Ch. 18: Bella IS Stinky
In this episode of Unbitten we cover chapter 18 of New Moon and discuss Bella's constant need to apologize, how Jacob is a shitty friend and Stephenie Meyer's bad foreshadowing. If there are any conclusions to draw in this chapter it's that Edward has the audacity. Spoiler alert: they don't go to Jacksonville. Also aside from our usual wish for Bella to go to therapy we think she should probably get that fainting condition checked out because girl what is wrong with you!
August 9, 2021
Ep 32 - New Moon Ch 17: Team Bella Needs Therapy
In this episode of Unbitten, we discuss chapter 17 of New Moon and approaching plot! Alice is here and we are so glad for it. We question how Alice's visions work, see that Jacob is a shitty friend and at last we get the scoop on what the Cullens have been up to since leaving Forks. Where is our dark academia college version of Twilight? Please! Note there is a trigger warning for discussions of suicide from 8:40-14:30.
July 26, 2021
Ep 31 - New Moon Ch 16: Hot Take! Sucks to be Dead!
This week, Em and Cam talk about literally anything other than New Moon. Okay, well, we do talk about New Moon. But there are lots of tangents, including but not limited to Monsters Inc, Fortnite, and a multimillion-dollar fur suit drycleaning service. But on the actual topic of the book, we discuss Bella's confusing thought processes and poor analysis of a famous Shakespeare play, as well as Jacob's growing toxic traits. This one is a wild one, but I think you're expecting that by now.
July 12, 2021
Ep 30 - New Moon Ch. 15: Dad Bod Werewolves
In this spicy episode covering chapter 15 of New Moon we get into a deep discussion on how to improve werewolves, thoughts toxic relationships and also unpack Bella's cliff-diving desires. Once more we preach that everyone needs therapy! Content warning for discussing the topic of drowning as well as trigger warnings for discussion of glorification of death, self harm and suicidal ideation from 47:30-67:00.
June 28, 2021
Ep 29 - New Moon Ch. 14: Cam Galaxy Brains
In this episode, Cam figures out the entire plot of the series. For real. Go listen, we're not even kidding.
June 14, 2021
Ep 28 - New Moon Ch. 13: Man in Manual Wheelchair
Cam and Em release their full unhinged energy in discussing chapter 13 where we spend more time talking about anything else but the book. Emily does some math (sorry!) and proves S. Meyer never thinks (again). We debate what we would do if our kid was a furry and also what it means to be critical of media.
May 31, 2021
Ep 27 - New Moon Ch 12: Bella Decides to Think
Welcome back! This week, both of our idiot protagonists decide to make attempts at intelligent thought, Bella's dreams get too OP, and Jacob has a strange but fitting kink. Also, Bella is a limp noodle and Sam is probably still t posing.
May 17, 2021
Ep 26 - New Moon Ch. 11: New Man Same Problems
Join us in an (finally) exciting chapter with questionable cult activities, a confrontation in the woods, a man who hates that he's a monster - wait is this just Twilight again? Different man, same problems. Also Charlie is a good dad but once again ruins it by reminding everyone he is a cop.
May 3, 2021
Ep 25 - New Moon Ch 10: Plot, FINALLY!
Cam and Em are both a year older and a year dumber, and they are back to talk more about New Moon. In Chapter 10 we finally get some plot, run into a familiar but unfriendly face, and meet the mysterious giant bear(s). We also talk about mono, peppa pig, the monstrous feminine, and Jacob's wolf form being dummy thicc.
April 19, 2021
Ep 24 - New Moon Ch 9: Sweaty Swamp Hands
It's ARIES SEASON!!! Welcome back for a chapter filled with awkward encounters and secondhand embarrassment - that's right, it's chapter 9 of New Moon! Once again we find ourselves asking when will Mike stop as we tread the swampy grounds of this movie theatre scene. We chat about our own worst moments throwing up, officially convert to Team Jacob, and, of course: reminder to stream Montero (Call Me By Your Name) by Lil Nas X!
April 5, 2021
EP 23 - New Moon Ch 8: Sam Uley T-Posing in the Background
Once again we are asking for Bella to get some help. Chapter 8 takes us through a lesson on motorcycle parts, Cam simping for shirtless Jacob, and a 5 minute quest to figure out how a compass and grid pattern might work.
March 22, 2021
Ep 22 - New Moon Ch 7: Straights on Thin Fucking Ice
In episode 22 we cover Chapter 7 of New Moon: Repetition. There's a lot to unpack in this episode: primarily learning that Emily doesn't know how to make Lasagna, when god, WHEN will Mike stop, and secret culty werewolf lore maybe? We also briefly turn into a Maximum Ride podcast and learn the deep lore about what really made Cameron queer.
March 8, 2021
Ep 21 - New Moon Ch 6: Bella's Dump Truck Ass
Join us as we cover chapter 6 and delve into why we are now Team Jacob, Bella's depression and why Emily is so fragile she teared up three times in this chapter. Sometimes its just nice for people to have nice things in their life and we feel that way about this chapter.
February 22, 2021
Ep 20 - New Moon Ch 5: Billy is a Dance Mom
Somebody please get Bella some therapy!!! Or she can just be a bad bitch and get a motorcycle. Basically the same thing, right? Thank you to Jacob Black and Jacob Black only for being a likeable character and 6 foot 5.
February 8, 2021
Ep 19 - New Moon Ch 4: The Return of the Filler
In which we somehow spend an hour talking about a 25 page chapter where almost nothing happens except for Bella being depressed and reckless. We sincerely apologizing for not making any 'waking up to ash and dust' jokes from the title of this chapter, and will try harder next time to correct similar errors.
January 25, 2021
Ep 18 - New Moon Ch 3: Real F*ckboi Hours
Enjoy what is essentially an hour long rant about Edward Cullen being trash and MEN DON'T BE LIKE THIS! We might have shed a real actual emotional tear.
January 11, 2021
Ep 17 - New Moon Chs. 1+2: Oh lore?
New book time!! Em's cat Fergus has many cameos, we discuss once again just how hot and good Carlisle and Alice are, and Cam continues to realize just how different real vampire lore is from Sims vampire lore. TW: In depth talk of suicide, timestamps 28:18-34:39.
December 14, 2020
Unbitten Episode 16: Twilight Movie Part 3
The finale episode of Twilight! Baseball scene, the weird acrobatics of the ballet studio fight, and questionable 2000s fashion! Thanks again to our guest Lauren for sitting through 3 hours of recording with us
November 30, 2020
Unbitten Episode 15: Twilight Movie Part 2
Simp city 2: electric boogaloo aka Twilight movie pt. 2 with special guest Lauren!
November 16, 2020
Unbitten Episode 14: Twilight Movie Part 1
Finally it is here! Part one of delving into the movie universe of Twilight and the epitome of Robert Pattinson simping. Joining us for these movie episodes is special guest, our friend, Lauren! We did the thing we promised. We played the Twilight drinking game while watching and recorded drunk.... You're welcome?? Also announcing our new patreon! https://www.patreon.com/unbittenpod
November 3, 2020
Unbitten Episode 13: Twilight Epilogue
We cap off the Twilight book by talking about prom for half the episode, and then Cameron has a coughing fit. Don't worry, she lives! But will Bella live through a school dance? Find out in this episode of Unbitten.
October 19, 2020
Unbitten Episode 12: Twilight Ch. 23 and 24
The end is near, chapters 23 and 24 with the good angst, heart monitor shenanigans and questions of Edward's sexual prowess.
October 3, 2020
Unbitten Episode 11: Twilight Ch. 21 and 22
In chapters 21 and 22, we finally have real plot! It's a truly exciting time! Also, Warrior Cats, again.
September 12, 2020
Unbitten Episode 10: Twilight Ch. 19 and 20
Join Cameron and Emily in such wonderings as: Can you ferment blood? Can bears turn into vampire bears? It's chapters 19 and 20 of Twilight!
August 29, 2020
Unbitten Episode 9: Twilight Ch. 17 and 18
WE HAVE NEW MICROPHONES!!!! Oh, and also, sh*t hits the fan.
August 23, 2020
Unbitten Episode 8: Twilight Ch. 15 and 16
Chapters 15 and 16 take us on a journey to the Cullen house. ....Wait how old is Daddy Carlisle?!
August 14, 2020
Unbitten Episode 7: Twilight Ch. 13 and 14
Finally the meadow scene and sparkly boy! It's chapters 13 and 14 of Twilight. Join us in hotly debated Milk Discourse, the mechanics of Vampire sex, and is Edward choking Bella? It's Unbitten episode 7!
August 8, 2020
Unbitten Episode 6: Twilight Ch. 11 and 12
Closet door drama, The 1997 film Gattaca and sexual tension, and more questionable chapter titles. Join Cameron and Emily on chapters 11 and 12 of Twilight!
August 1, 2020
Unbitten Episode 5: Twilight Ch. 9 and 10
This week we discuss chapters 9 and 10 of Twilight and discover who is the "can math gay" and who is the "can't math gay". One thing is for sure and that is S. Meyer can't math at all.
July 25, 2020
Unbitten Episode 4: Twilight Ch. 7 and 8
Join us as we talk about Chapters 7 and 8 of Twilight.
July 18, 2020
Unbitten Episode 3: Twilight Ch. 5 and 6
Blood typing OMG and... Jacob is THAT young?
July 11, 2020
Unbitten Episode 2: Twilight Ch. 3 and 4
We hit up chapters 3 and 4. We are snarky as usual. There are Warrior Cats references and a killer Snape impression. It's Unbitten Episode two!
July 2, 2020
Unbitten Episode 1: Twilight Ch. 1 and 2
In this first episode of our new podcast, join Cameron (first time reader) and Emily (long time fan) in reading Twilight chapters 1 and 2.
July 2, 2020