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Unclassical

Unclassical

By Unclassical

The classic novel, the playground of literary greats such as Austen, Dickens, the Brontë sisters... but have you actually READ these books? Sisters Katy and Marsha take a closer look at classical texts, expect feminist rants, funny anecdotes, coarse language and general silliness! Needless to say, this isn’t a podcast you want to reference in your coursework!
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Currently playing episode

Christmas at Pemberley final part - Not weally!

UnclassicalJan 10, 2022

00:00
01:01:24
Around the World in 80 Days pt 5 - Final Part- Queen's Toe

Around the World in 80 Days pt 5 - Final Part- Queen's Toe

Will Phileas win his bet? Will Aouda grow a personality? Will Passepartout punch Fix? Will they even make it out of America??!! Join us for the final part - it gets wild! Vote now, who would punch Fix? I know Katy would! We will be back after Easter with Pet Samatary, spooOOOooOoky! Have a great Easter guys! We hope you enjoyed this season! Thank you for every listen!

Mar 12, 202401:05:21
Around the World in 80 Days pt 4 - Maths, dates and trauma

Around the World in 80 Days pt 4 - Maths, dates and trauma

Full blown TW on this episode, we explain it in the episode before we get to the horrid bit and tell you what you need to know for the last episode if you'd rather skip it.

But apart from that! Tune in to learn the power of 'no' from Passepartout, relive one of the best internet moments, and marvel at how much dates and times confuse Katy and Marsha.

Mar 05, 202451:57
Around the World in 80 Days pt 3 - Too Tory to be allowed

Around the World in 80 Days pt 3 - Too Tory to be allowed

I mean, I know the characters are on a literal journey but damn! What a journey this episode is! Betrayal, confusion, twists, turns and tumbles! Takeaways:Can you pronounce orangery like a civilised human? How many more ways can Marsha get 'Passepartout' wrong? And, how the f0(k do you say Yokohama?!

Feb 27, 202401:09:20
Around the World in 80 Days pt 2 - Figaro Wiggle

Around the World in 80 Days pt 2 - Figaro Wiggle

We're back! And Fix is in hot pursuit of Passepartout and Fogg! What obstacles will they tackle his week?We have a hymn singalong, and there are some high dramas! And we find out that rail travel has largely stayed the same!

Feb 20, 202459:47
Around the World in 80 Days pt 1 - Pass the Poo

Around the World in 80 Days pt 1 - Pass the Poo

Welcome back one and all! We hope you are all well and ready for our holibobs - because we are embarking on the most futile trip in literature! Get ready to burn those fossil fuels as we splash the cash and infuriate Consuls. Get in b1tches we're going racing!

Feb 13, 202401:07:36
The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe pt 5 - Definitely are two sides

The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe pt 5 - Definitely are two sides

Welcome to the concluding part of The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe! And wow, what a ride, shut up Susan, shut up Aslan, and damn! Narnian battles are next level! Put the rabbits and squirrels down!

Jan 22, 202401:15:16
The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe pt 4 - Katy's Greatest Achievement

The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe pt 4 - Katy's Greatest Achievement

Sorry for the radio silence, but Marsha has been actually silent, the 100 day cough is a real bitch. But we're back and we've got big news and an Aslan as you've never heard him!

Jan 15, 202401:19:54
The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe pt 3 - A little less snacking, a little more packing

The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe pt 3 - A little less snacking, a little more packing

Merry Christmas to one and all! - unless we don't like you, then you can fork off. But we like everyone here so whayyyy! Welcome to our Christmas episode, I'm just going to list some key quotes from this episode:

- Egg grog (genius)

- Tongue twister of the week; "To say which way the witch's sledge went"

- Very glad and also, very solemn

- Fire fires of the sun


Enjoy!!

Dec 25, 202301:00:52
The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe pt 2 - Not very Narnian

The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe pt 2 - Not very Narnian

Get ready for perhaps the best life advice ever from our eccentric, dear professor. Find out the lengths we'll go to to avoid going on boring tours. And really question how trusting these children are - as if they're from war time London with "Mum's the word!" plastered all over the streets - Ed is the only one with his head half screwed on and he's a c**t addicted to crack Turkish delight!

Dec 18, 202301:05:60
The Lion the Witch and The Wardrobe pt 1 - Rub a fur

The Lion the Witch and The Wardrobe pt 1 - Rub a fur

Join us for an unseasonably hot Christmas. Apologies, for munching sounds, we're only human! But welcome, to the winter wonderland, that is Narnia, and... is Mr Tumnus alright? Shall we kick Edmund? And... does 'foreword' confuse anyone as much as it does Katy?

Dec 11, 202301:08:06
Jekyll and Hyde Ep 3 - Lung Butter or Toe Jam

Jekyll and Hyde Ep 3 - Lung Butter or Toe Jam

Is anyone else as gross as us? And back to the story, just saying Jekyll, well, he's not that good is he? And get cosy, because this gets sppoooooooky! We've really enjoyed this read by the way and hope you have too, and we can't wait for our Christmas series!

Nov 01, 202354:10
Jekyll and Hyde Ep 2 - It was the Hyde!

Jekyll and Hyde Ep 2 - It was the Hyde!

Part 2 of our spooky Halloween read! Are you feeling romantic? Is Jekyll? Is there more to the mysterious Hyde character? And who's working late in the lab one night?

Oct 31, 202355:11
Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde Ep 1 - Scrambled Children

Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde Ep 1 - Scrambled Children

It's spooky season, so perfect timing to check out this Scottish classic - who is the monster and who is the man??!!! (Seriously, the Hunchback of Notre Damn is very quotable in this). Expect extreme ableism (tw) and terrible Scottish accents, and of course dastardly deeds! It's about to get dark...

Oct 27, 202357:41
One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest Ep 4 - Stab the Rats

One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest Ep 4 - Stab the Rats

Last episode of One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest, we were happy to see the back of this book, and gave it a send off we've never done before. We also have a long tangent about how to kill lots of different types of animals...sorry... do you know how to kill any animals? Hey, just making conversation! (But no, only stroke animals, they're nice!)

Oct 16, 202301:29:21
One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest Ep 3 - Votes and Lifting

One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest Ep 3 - Votes and Lifting

But Ratchet is, well, ratching up the heat? That's definitely not a saying, sorry, it's nearly 1am, enjoy the carnage, and a carnival is a terrible idea right?

Oct 09, 202301:00:53
One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest Ep 2 - Like a Soggy Pamphlet

One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest Ep 2 - Like a Soggy Pamphlet

Part two is here. There's raging, there's bold departures from logic. And oh my god, someone give us a dictionary, because the English language is hard!Serious trigger warnings for r*pe, r*cism, s*xism, basically, this book is a steaming pile of offence.

Oct 02, 202359:41
One Flew Over the Cuckoo Nest - Ep 1 In a Confused Frog

One Flew Over the Cuckoo Nest - Ep 1 In a Confused Frog

This episode is a lot of set up, as this book needs a lot of trigger warning and context, and we're nattery noos of course! We hope the comforting words of our father "We all die alone" help you at this tumultuous time, and that you're not too traumatised after this episode. Remember, don't chat out of open windows and check what your bra looks like before being filmed. But in all seriousness, TW for racism and R*pe.

Sep 25, 202301:03:54
Animal Farm part 4 - He Tried

Animal Farm part 4 - He Tried

Oh my god, this episode, we all need a minute. Jesus HAlso, trying to improve our sound quality without hiring a studio, it's a work in progress guys, sorry but bear with, hope it's not too jarring. And let us know if there's anything you'd like us to discuss in our debrief! (And are two types of potato on a roast excessive?)

Aug 29, 202359:10
Animal Farm part 3 - Duckling

Animal Farm part 3 - Duckling

Are these little piggies in over their heads? Do you know what a cloaca is? And is duckling just a shltIing after all? It's all falling apart (literally) in this week's return to Animal Farm.

Aug 22, 202301:08:08
Animal Farm Ep 2 - Greedy Little Piggies

Animal Farm Ep 2 - Greedy Little Piggies

Well the humans are gone, but is Animal Farm the eutopia that Old Major envisioned? And who will lead now that Jones is gone?

Apart from tuning in for this gripping tale, tune in for 'Katy - The Eighth Wonder of the World - The Most Pointless Psychic You'll Ever Hear!' No but, seriously, it's a little creepy!

Also, what do we think of Mollie? We've been discussing her ever since we recorded this episode, Katy's obsessed!

Aug 15, 202301:09:31
Animal Farm Ep 1 - It's a boob not a bread

Animal Farm Ep 1 - It's a boob not a bread

We'rrreeeeee back! Guys, we're buzzing to get back to recording us cackling for you to hear in your ears! As you know, it's been nuts, so what better way to start a new chapter (hehe - pun!) than diving into an Orwellian nightmare - but don't tell Katy! She's still hoping for a wholesome cottagecore tale... let's see how long that lasts!

Aug 08, 202358:48
A Little Princess part 5 - And you know everything!

A Little Princess part 5 - And you know everything!

:( it's our last episode with little Sarah! Will Sarah remain a servant at Miss Minchin's school forever? Will Ramdas carry on staring through her window? Will Becky finally be recognised as a vulnerable child?

And most importantly, is Sarah's attic on the left or right?

We'll be having a short break while we work on the next season, but also we have a new project up our sleeves... more on that soon!

Mar 03, 202359:11
A Little Princes part 4 - Hungry Crusty Fuck

A Little Princes part 4 - Hungry Crusty Fuck

This week - how about we set fire to it all? Set fire to your enemies houses? Set fire to the schools? Burn the lot! (Can you tell Marsha is a little antsy this week?)

And! We cool with grown men sneaking into little girl's rooms? Why does Santa get a free pass? No. Doesn't sit well with us at ALL!

But most importantly, the fact we must put ahead of everything else -Sarah, was hungry.

Feb 24, 202301:07:05
A little Princess part 3 - Little Mrs

A little Princess part 3 - Little Mrs

Sorry it's late - but here it is! Part 3 of A Little Princess! Find out how servant life is treating Sarah, why are we all Oliver Twist? And does the new revelation about Sarah's dad really bum you out?

TW: Turns out Becky and Lottie are hella racist, I wouldn't have predicted it from those characters, but there you are.

Feb 20, 202358:33
A Little Princess part 2 - Salad? In a bakery?

A Little Princess part 2 - Salad? In a bakery?

So if you didn't complete last week's homework of watching the 1995 film version of A Little Princess - what are you doing here? Shoo, shoo! Go watch it!

We're back with Sarah and her whimsical fancies and it's party time! Sarah is turning 11 years old (does that mean she hasn't seen her dad for 4 years? Savage), all the girls are excited for what is going to be the birthday party of the century, but some news awaits Sarah that she hasn't bargained for...

Feb 08, 202301:08:53
A Little Princess part 1 - You're a monster

A Little Princess part 1 - You're a monster

We'rrrrrreeeeee back!! And what a book to kick off 2023 with! Get ready from some 18th century 90s vibes - you read that right! We're reading A Little Princess! We're hoping you've seen the 1995 film (if not, go do your assigned homework of watching that now) and come along on this enchanting (sometimes disturbing) adventure. Meet Sarah, dear Papa and the Minchin sisters as Sarah starts at her new school in London after leaving her beloved home in India because... well there isn't really a reason, just coz!

Feb 01, 202301:08:27
The Nutcracker part 3 - A Tale of Christmas Grooming

The Nutcracker part 3 - A Tale of Christmas Grooming

Here it is!

The final part of Nutcracker is here just in time for Christmas, so cosy up by the fireside, dim those Christmas lights and listen to the tale of a grown nutcracker grooming a child by showing her a lot of sweeties.

Nutcracker? More like cradle snatcher.

Cradle Snatcher Nutcracker.

Dec 25, 202255:04
The Nutcracker part 2 - Hickory Dickory

The Nutcracker part 2 - Hickory Dickory

Want to hear more inappropriate rhymes? Well you came to the right place! Why does everyone speak in rhyme?

Also, you can find out why you should never ask an Astronomer for directions.

Why do old books have so much beef about green eyes? And how many breaks is too many breaks in a bedtime story?

Further, there is an important message in here about catching up with family (they might have something you need) but not if they're toxic and bad for your mental health, take care of yourselves out there and don't spread yourselves too thinly just because it's Christmas.

xx

Dec 21, 202201:07:43
The Nutcracker part 1 - Rat Kings?!

The Nutcracker part 1 - Rat Kings?!

I'm not even going to address the title of this episode, you'll just have to listen and be horrified like we were.

I will ask though, if anyone else's mums cut corners off tables? Just us? Probably just us.

And also, MERRY CHRISTMAS! Come join us for some fantastic festive vibes, and very lax safeguarding of minors!

Dec 16, 202250:13
Dracula part 7 - Can you hear me Major Tom?

Dracula part 7 - Can you hear me Major Tom?

The final part of Dracula is here! Will the boys get their act together and forget about bloody breakfast, or will Dracula out wit them yet again? What will become of dear Mina? And we meet the new characters of Bowie and Kukri, what mischief will befall them?

Nov 23, 202201:12:32
Dracula part 6 - Why is it spicy?

Dracula part 6 - Why is it spicy?

Lots of fun this week, who wants to hear more about Cladinbac? Dracula's Scottish cousin, and who would like to invest in The Boys - The Board-game, and oh yeah, Mina doesn't look great and Dracula gets real cranky!

Nov 15, 202201:05:34
Dracula part 5B - Look at my bum

Dracula part 5B - Look at my bum

What a roller-coaster! We pick up where we left of, looking at the general audacity of men, but things are kicking off in the asylum, and maybe there's more to this bro eating flies.

That is straight up grim though, don't eat flies, of course people will judge you if you eat flies, come on man...

Nov 11, 202232:51
Dracula part 5A - Mother Bosom

Dracula part 5A - Mother Bosom

TW! Massive trigger warning for suicide this week. If you're struggling, please reach out, and if you do listen to this episode but want to skip  the suicide chat, I say skip 10 seconds, make it two minutes to be on the safe side.

Also - decided to split this week's episode in half as it was a bit on the long side, second half will be out in a couple of days!

Well, it's ramping up, the boys are planning, Mina is tying all the threads together, and who knew Katy had been saying Bram Stoker wrong all this time?!

Nov 08, 202246:31
Dracula part 4 - Round wheat

Dracula part 4 - Round wheat

This is what happens when you eat copious amounts of macaroni cheese, followed by lots of Halloween chocolate, no regrets though.

Find out what a round wheat is - courtesy of Papa Bevan, get the latest hot tips on how to keep draughts and Vampires out, and learn some skills in tenderness and tact from Van Helsing as he guides Arthur through his bereavement after losing his darling fiance Lucy... but how dead is she really?

Nov 01, 202259:55
Dracula part 3 - That's a big bat

Dracula part 3 - That's a big bat

Professor Van Helsing is trying his best to make sure Lucy doesn't succumb to Dracula's dark desires, but will he succeed or is Dracula just too dastardly for this fast travelling Dutch (or German?) man?

Oct 29, 202201:00:50
Dracula part 2 - Muddy Tits

Dracula part 2 - Muddy Tits

It's part 2 of Dracula! And what a ride! Time to hear from someone else's perspective, perhaps a woman, oh wait, it's a woman written by a man, that could only be a good idea right?

Get cosy and settle in to see what befalls poor Jonathan after he decides he must escape from Dracula's lair, and perhaps things at home aren't going so well either...

Oct 18, 202258:13
Dracula part 1 - You bug me

Dracula part 1 - You bug me

We are back!!!! And what a way to kick off Spooky Season! This book is fucking tense! And who would have thought it would be so easily linkable to Friends!

Oct 11, 202201:12:53
Squeefest 4 - Unclassical Selkies and Mermaids

Squeefest 4 - Unclassical Selkies and Mermaids

Join us for a very early morning edition of Unclassical and The Doctor Squee Show! This was at this years Squeefest which is always so much fun, tune in to hear us natter on about some mythical sea creatures and some complications around the myths...

Oct 09, 202201:01:09
Emma part 6 - Stalaglite

Emma part 6 - Stalaglite

Final part of Emma! And I think I hear wedding bells! Lovely vague wedding bells, and if you can bear someone's difficult moods, and general mistreatment, maybe one day, you could get married too

And sorry this is late! Work got busy, blame the kids!

Sep 20, 202259:05
Emma part 5 - You are getting a spanking

Emma part 5 - You are getting a spanking

We had lots of fun recording this one! Scottish angst, and everyone being sassy bitches, and who knew strawberry picking could be so eventful? And please! Has anyone kicked someone in the shins? Asking for a friend...

Sep 12, 202255:01
Emma part 4 - Priceless

Emma part 4 - Priceless

We are back!! Thank you so much for being patient, you guys are the best! So Emma is continuing flitting between groups, but there's a lot being unsaid and who the fuck gifts a piano forte???

Sep 05, 202254:36
Emma part 3 - Introductions

Emma part 3 - Introductions

I feel there are a lot of introductions in this episode, but here are the main takeaways, never leave your mates alone to travel with strange men, keep an eye on Jane (seems like a wrongun) and fetch Mr Woodhouse a cozy cup of tea!

Jul 29, 202255:44
Emma part 2 - Brother help!

Emma part 2 - Brother help!

Maybe Emma isn't as good at matchmaking as she thought! But at least her dad is a hedgehog, and it's no time to be grumpy - there's a Christmas party to get to! We are aware of the irony of a Christmas theme, but Katy is fucking obsessed, take it up with her and her cottagecore pursuits.

Jul 22, 202201:04:39
Emma part one - She's not bald like that!

Emma part one - She's not bald like that!

We're back! And what a book to kick off with! The queen of gossip and manipulation is here to cause a ruckus - Emma is in the building! We're loving the gentle cottage core vibe of a quintessential Jane Austen book, and of course the sassy drama. So kick back, relax and see if you can recognise our random niche reference at the end!

Jul 15, 202201:07:36
The Murder of Roger Ackroyd part 5 - Who's from Kent?

The Murder of Roger Ackroyd part 5 - Who's from Kent?

Double length episode to wrap up this twisty turny murder mystery! Are you from Kent?

Hope you enjoyed this season! We've loved the different characters (especially Caroline, what a fucking vibe)! Did you guess who it was?

And are you ready for our next season? We'll be reading Emma! Get your matching mini skirt suits ready! It's time to pay homage to the Queen of Gossip!

Jun 24, 202201:50:52
The Murder of Roger Ackroyd part 4 - Phut!

The Murder of Roger Ackroyd part 4 - Phut!

Right, I mean I know we know men can be condescending arseholes, but why do they have to be so brazen about it?!

Jesuis! Get your hot choc and get ready for people to talk entirely through their inflated egos, plus there seems to be something up with one of those parlourhousemaids...

Jun 16, 202201:01:19
The Murder of Roger Ackroyd - The Poirot

The Murder of Roger Ackroyd - The Poirot

Finally we got Poirot back in the story!! And it's time to do some damn detecting! But are Poirot's detective skills strange or just shit? Again, sorry for the wind noises, last time we record in a storm!

Jun 09, 202254:14
The Murder of Roger Ackroyd part 2 - Stabbinses

The Murder of Roger Ackroyd part 2 - Stabbinses

I fear Roger may not be long for this world, but the plot doth thicken! Not all is as it appears in the Ackroyd household, who might have a motive for wanting Roger out of the way?

And lol, are we nuts or are 'Mitchell Butlers' the best idea ever?? And is our family trauma spin-off podcast too niche for even us? :')

Jun 02, 202259:27
The Murder of Roger Ackroyd part 1 - The Gay Metropolis

The Murder of Roger Ackroyd part 1 - The Gay Metropolis

We are back! And we are delving into our first Agatha Christie! Are we meant to find Poirot so adorable? Is it just us? Do you have any theories of whodunnit? No spoilers! Katy genuinely doesn't know!

May 26, 202201:00:49
Turn of the Screw part 5 - Hideously Hard

Turn of the Screw part 5 - Hideously Hard

The final part of Turn of the Screw! And what a turn indeed! Join us and spot all the cock metaphors you can, maybe it could be a drinking game! And who else wants to be Miles for Halloween?! Plus who knew hats were such good paranormal indicators? It's all in this week's episode!

We'll be taking a two week break to prep for our next season where we'll be reading... drum roll... Agatha Christie's The Murder of Roger Ackroyd - with the infamous Hercule Poirot! Moustaches and dodgy french accents at the ready!

Apr 29, 202201:18:31