Unrelenting Pursuit

We were so honored to have our daughter on this episode as she shares what saying yes to God has done in your life.

There were so many truths that emerged throughout this conversation for your faith, life, and marriage. When God asks you to say yes to something, don't practice delayed obedience, and when He asks you to let go, don't hold on.

Life is a series of these decisions and God's grace is evident in how He reveals each next step. Follow His peace, His voice, and His Word. Don't settle...

This is a discussion we had never had before this episode.

We openly wrestle through what it looks like to hold both joy and pain together at the same time, and allow you to hear the perspective of both of us and what it looked like to navigate through the first year after our breach in trust.

Ultimately, we encourage you to lean into a perspective that changes the outlook of your future and not to let the pain override the promise.

There are many things that can create obstacles to great sex in your marriage. These include your memories, communication, past trauma, libido, age, changes, stressors, insecurities, and addiction. There are many obstacles, but there is such hope! God can redeem, heal, and restore this area.

Don't let anything stop you from reclaiming ground in this area and doing what it takes to get help, whether that requires counseling, coaching, getting hormones aligned, stepping out of your comfort zone, or vulnerability.

We navigated a lot of topics on this episode that impact your faith and marriage, including what it looks like to live when someone isn't willing or wanting to pursue Christ, and whether you have the ability to mess up God's plan.

Here are some practical things discussed that you CAN do to stay in God's will and show Jesus to your spouse.

• Pray
• Seek Jesus' will and lay yours down

• Move when He says to move and stay where He tells you to stay.
• Let go of what He tells you to let go of. Remember, delayed obedience is disobedience.
• Represent Jesus in your home, and to your spouse. Live authentic faith.

We loved getting to know Kelsi and Ryan and to have an opportunity to hear their hearts for helping others navigate through loss and grief. There are principles throughout their story that can be applied to any season of life.

The Cole family is a beautiful trio in their photo, but behind the scenes, they hold a story of tremendous loss, resilience, and faith. Their journey together began in 2010 with a shared desire for a Godly marriage. Through the trials of miscarriage and stillbirth, they discovered the necessity of continually leaning into Jesus.

• Now, through their work at Foreknown Ministries, Kelsi and Ryan create, coach, and connect people to Jesus after pregnancy and infant loss. They know that it’s only through Jesus that they are still married and help others see the Light in difficult situations.

• Their “hope line” for people to text who are experiencing pregnancy or infant loss is 719-626-8486

John 15:13 Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.

This verse talks about the physical aspect of laying down your life for someone else, and that's part of it, but Christ laid down His life sacrificially long before He did it physically. What does this mean for you and for your marriage? How could this shift your perspective, change your behavior, and impact the dynamic of your home?

This doesn't mean you avoid the difficult topics, shove things down, or don't address what needs to be changed, but it does mean you stop keeping score, and start addressing the motive of your heart.

Often we hear the struggles of a couple knowing how to navigate triggers, how to share their story, and when/how to share something with their spouse. We dive into this topic today and address areas that can be very difficult to navigate in communication, marriage, and healing.

• James 1:19 says "My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry."

This conversation brought up so much for us as we delved into how you represent Christ in this world and in your marriage.

We invite you along for the conversation and hope it helps bring some clarity to an area that can truly set us apart.

The longer you know someone, the more you begin to assume things in your relationship. Often, you walk away from conversations with takeaways that were never said because of someone's tone, their body language, and previous experiences.

These assumptions kill curiosity. We want to encourage you to stay curious in your marriage, to commit to growing, and to commit to knowing what is changing and has changed in your spouse. Always chase after Christ and allow Him to refine how you communicate, love, and serve one another.

Does compromise really ensure happiness in marriage, or instead does it encourage you to lay down parts of yourself that you shouldn't? Does it encourage you to start keeping a tallying score of what has been lost and what you need to gain back?

Or, in essence, is it sacrifice that really ensures that a marriage thrives? Isn't this how Christ calls us to love in Romans 12:1-2, and Ephesians 5:22-29.

This past week we had the opportunity to reflect on the power of an invitation, the changing of seasons, and the inevitability of change.

How we handle these moments and how we choose to grow as an individual and in marriage determines so much. Don't let obstacles such as perfectionism, expectations, or fear stop you from leaving one season behind and approaching another, or from inviting people into your life to learn from and to mentor.

Learn to pray, pivot, and grow with one another, and let God determine your steps.

Parenting has a big impact on your marriage, and can create conflict for a couple as they learn to navigate different parenting styles, backgrounds, and viewpoints.

One of the greatest gifts you can give your kids is to live out a great marriage and model authentic faith. In fact, a recent study shows shocking statistics for when someone reads the Bible four times a week or more.

1. Feeling lonely drops 30%
2. Anger issues drop 32%
3. Bitterness in relationships drops 40%
4. Alcoholism drops 57%
5. Sex outside of marriage drops 68%
6. Feeling spiritually stagnant drops 60%
7. Viewing pornography drops 61%
8. Sharing your faith jumps 200%
9. Discipling others jumps 230%

What does this look in life, and how do you do these things when facing some level of hurt or betrayal?

Join us for this in depth conversation and real-life examples of how we navigated this in our own life and marriage.

We want to encourage you that you ALWAYS have hope in your future because of who Jesus is and what He has done. No matter what your marriage may be facing, you have a Savior who beckons to you.

Lean into Him, and surrender your spouse to Him. Click below for commentary regarding the verses we discussed in this episode.

Irritability, unmet expectations, and failures have a HUGE impact on marriage.

Work hard to recognize what physical, spiritual, and emotional factors contribute to both your own, and your spouse's stress and irritability. Learn to ask questions and to meet them where they are at, such as are you looking for assurance, understanding, or a solution? Learn to effectively communicate what you are looking for, and be willing to offer your spouse the emotional support they need, regardless of whether you understand the issue or not.

Do you hold record of wrongs? Are you a sniper ready and willing to go on the attack anytime something is brought up? Have you considered that you, and your spouse, will never grow past the things you can't heal from. This doesn't mean you forget, but it releases the payment required of someone else. Just as Jesus has done for you, do for others.

Prepare in advance, learn what expectations are healthy, what needs to be laid down, and learn how to love those around you as Christ loves us. Keep what matters at the forefront and let go of what doesn't matter. We hope this Thanksgiving and Christmas season are filled with new memories made with those you love, and a reflection of just how much Jesus has done for you.

Irritability

Love does not boast, it is not proud. 1st Corinthians 13:4-7 describes how we are called to love, not just in our marriage, but in our lives.

Psychology today says, "We tend to think of people who boast as arrogant, self-preoccupied, or, perhaps, insecure, which may be why they need to boast in the first place. Pride, on the other hand, is generally defined as a feeling of self-respect and personal worth or a feeling of satisfaction with one's own (or another's) achievements."

We have found that pride has destroyed so much in our own lives, and how it continues to creep in unsuspected in different areas. Boasting as well, can place people on a pedestal, or keep them feeling less than in your relationships, and it ultimately has a negative impact on you and your marriage.

• Every person needs to take a good hard look at these verses, how it effects you, and ask the question, what is love demanding of you?

Do you envy your spouse? Is this leading to unsaid, unmet, or unrealistic expectations that can bring about dicontentment and bitterness? Envy in relationships is a killer! It kills joy and peace. It doesn’t call you or your spouse to what can be, but holds you both captive.

We found in our own marriage that this has crept up more than we could have imagined, and continues to have a distinct impact on how we view one another and certain situations.

1st Corinthians 13:4-7 "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

• It does not envy 

The dictionary defines envy as, "a feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else's possessions, qualities, or luck."

Our challenge for this week is to ask your spouse if there is something they envy about you, and how it is impacting your marriage, and to not respond defensively.

We loved this conversation! Our culture has taken hold of this topic in our families for too long. WE HAVE TO TAKE IT BACK. It is time for every parent, and every spouse, to start having the uncomfortable conversations so that we can stand in truth and see sex as God designed it to be...which is beautiful!

Kindness is an embodiment of selflessness, care, and compassion. It mirrors Jesus, who, out of overwhelming love, sacrificed His life for us, taking on our punishment. Does your life reflect this?

• Romans 2:4 "Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, forbearance and patience, not realizing that God’s kindness is intended to lead you to repentance?"

Our kindness also extends to how we walk out forgiveness. WE ARE CALLED TO THIS!

• Ephesians 4:32 says, "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."

We also show kindness by what we say. What you think will lead into what you say to yourself, to your spouse, and to others. Are your words reflecting kindness? Do they uplift and benefit others.

• Ephesians 4:29 tells us, "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."

We challenge you to practice the pause and continue to develop your spiritual muscles so you can become more like Christ.

"Patience in the Bible is the ability to endure difficult people and situations without giving into anger or giving up hope. Because God continues to show us patience when we are doing disappointing things, we can show others patience when they disappoint us." renew.org

The reality is that we desire for others to be patient with us, we want God to be patient with us, but often find ourselves unwilling to extend the same to God, our spouse, kids, and even to ourselves.

• We need to remember this truth in 2nd Peter 3:9 The Lord does not delay His promise, as some understand delay, but is patient with you, not wanting any to perish but all to come to repentance.

We may not understand the why of circumstances, or the when, but we need to trust in the patience of God to use them to draw us, and others, to Him.

We also discuss what it looks like to be

• Patient with yourself
• Patient with your spouse 
• Patient with your kids
• Patient with others

Join us as we dive into these verses and how they apply to our everyday life...

1st Corinthians 13:1-7 If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

After reading this devotional by Kyle Idleman, we began to contemplate these factors, and how they play into the transformation in our lives, and in the lives of those we have worked with over the years. We found the principles to be unequivocally true. So often we see couples missing one of these key pieces, and failing to see true transformation in their own life and in their marriage. You can read the plan here.

On today's episode, learn what it means to entrust your vision into God's hands, truly surrender the things you have held so tightly to, and place it into God's hands. This process of surrender is exactly what Rich & Suzanne navigated through with their marriage, family, and business. Hear how they almost lost it all and the lessons Jesus taught them as they learned to lean into His plan and not their own.

We challenge you to take these things to heart and to begin to surrender, find Godly community, get comfortable being uncomfortable, and PRAY TOGETHER!

There are so many things that stand as obstacles in the way of two people experiencing a marriage as God designed. On this episode, we discuss the drawbacks and consequences of what anger, pride, lust, selfishness, lack of accountability, and leading out of your own strength can do to a marriage.

Read these scriptures and we challenge you to address any one of these areas that you need to develop discipline in and go after making the changes necessary. Watch how the small steps in the right direction can change the course of your life and your marriage.

• James 1:19
• Philippians 4:13
• John 15:5

What are you saying yes to? What are you saying no to?

You might not be thinking about all the micro decisions you are making or how your actions reflect what is in your mind, but we would encourage you to start. THIS CAN CHANGE EVERYTHING, for both the good and the bad. Pay attention. Look at what your actions are saying about you and KNOW what it is you need to start saying yes to, and what you need to start saying no to.

As always, we would love to hear from you and please take the time to leave us a review as it helps make this resource available to others. 

We dive into emotional affairs, their impact, what leads to them, and discuss guardrails to implement so this doesn't become your battle! If it is your story, we want you to know that there is HOPE! God is a redeemer, and if you have two people willing to do the work, genuine repentance, and lots of JESUS...ALL things are possible!

As always, we would love to hear from you and please take the time to leave us a review as it helps make this resource available to others. 

We discuss both the truth and the myths that exist when it comes to generational impact on our lives. Don't excuse your behavior because of how you were raised, and don't ignore what you need to do to impact your legacy today. Choose to equip your kids for what they will face in the future and develop their character by living out genuine faith in front of them. They need to SEE it, not just HEAR it. Legacy matters and you are leaving one...what is it?

Remember, in Christ we are a new creation.

• 2 Corinthians 5:17 -“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.”

We have the ability to repent from sin, pick up our cross, and live a life transformed by God.

• Romans 12:1-2 “I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

We are responsible for our own behavior

• Ezekiel 18:20-23 -“The soul who sins shall die. The son shall not suffer for the iniquity of the father, nor the father suffer for the iniquity of the son. The righteousness of the righteous shall be upon himself, and the wickedness of the wicked shall be upon himself. “But if a wicked person turns away from all his sins that he has committed and keeps all my statutes and does what is just and right, he shall surely live; he shall not die. Have I any pleasure in the death of the wicked, declares the Lord God, and not rather that he should turn from his way and live?”

As always, we would love to hear from you and please take the time to leave us a review as it helps make this resource available to others. 

We are so happy to be back for Season 7!

On today's episode we dive into where we see so many people get inadvertently stuck in their lives and in their marriage. Don't allow what once was stop you from stepping into what can be!

Don't overanalyze aspects of your life so much that you stay circling the drain and stuck in an unending cycle. You can't change what happened to you, but you can learn from the past, and you can change what you do in the future. Remember, God is a healer and redeemer.

As always, we would love to hear from you and please take the time to leave us a review as it helps make this resource available to others.

Sometimes we think that letting someone experience the consequences of their actions is not demonstrating love. In reality, this is often the most loving thing we can do.

Boundaries are healthy and necessary to operate within God's design. When one operates outside of this reality we see so many people not stand for truth, settle for half way healing, and not experience genuine repentance. In doing that, so many people delay what God is doing in their life or their loved one.

The reality is that we cannot change someone, but we can let go of them to allow God to use the circumstances

Capacity Definition - "The maximum amount that something can contain."

Capacity has a great level of influence over every area, and it's important to recognize what depletes capacity in us individually, and also how we can increase capacity in our lives.

The reality is that there may be seasons where you need to learn to say no to friendships, extended family, time commitments, and even "good things" in order to protect your God thing. Every person needs to evaluate for themselves what this looks like, and be ruthless in protecting what matters. Don't allow crisis to necessitate what you could navigate today.

• Are you spending your time as you should?
• Where and with whom is your emotional investment taking place right now?
• Are you depleted?
• What fills you up?
• What do you need to STOP doing?
• Is there something you need to start doing?
• Is their a friendship you need to stop?
• Extended family relationships that need boundaries?

We often get questions about this season of life. This is a time when you are having to wait for something or someone, when things aren't going right, or you are just waiting for the fruition of something God has promised you. You may wonder how long you should wait, when you should stop waiting, and what is required of you while you are in this season. We go in depth on this episode and address what this looks like, and challenge you that waiting doesn't have to be passive, but should be active.

• What can you learn while you are waiting?
• How can you expand your faith when things aren't going your way?
• What can you learn about God?
• How can you begin to heal in this place?
• Who do you need to become in this place?
• What is God preparing you for?

Please read Hebrews 11 and learn from those who have walked faith before you. You have an opportunity in the waiting places to show Jesus to others in a way that many can't or won't. Don't waste it.

Often we hear the questions of "why" and "why wasn't I enough, or "why didn't you choose me," when someone is walking through reconciliation. The answers to these questions can leave a couple in a circular phase of healing where neither one feels like they can win or move forward. We walk through some of the common setbacks and give some actionable steps to move you towards where you both want to be.

Is your marriage dangerous? The truth is, loving someone always involves an element of risk because your spouse has the ability to hurt you more than anyone else, and when you allow yourself to be vulnerable, and have true intimacy, it involves danger. But that danger is worth it!

And we want to challenge you to start thinking of a dangerous marriage in a new way. We want you to start recognizing the power and purpose you have together as a couple, and what God has for each one of you. So start training and utilize the armor that God has given you!

And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken. Ecclesiastes 4:12

If you want to stay relevant in your life, you need to constantly seek knowledge. Are you being a willing student in your life? Do you seek to know more about your spouse, your kids, and most of all...in your faith?

Staying relevant doesn't mean shifting your foundation, but WHEN YOU STAY RELEVANT YOU STAY RELATABLE. You allow God to reveal what needs to be revealed and you allow Him to use you in every area possible! We challenge you to seek Christ as to what area He is asking you to be relevant in, and to keep learning your spouse. That is a beautiful gift!

On today's episode we give some practical advice on what maintenance in your marriage looks like, not to be confused with maintain! Often we don't recognize that the daily intentional acts we do, or don't do, in marriage leads us somewhere. We challenge each person to ask themselves, "What is one thing I can do love my spouse better today?"

We also want you to encourage you to establish:

• Weekly Check-ins
• Quarterly Financial Assessments
• Weekly Intentional investment of time with one another
• Conversations and support for personal goals/dreams
• Conversations and support for goals/dreams as a couple

We love sharing resources that will help your marriage and your healing! 

On this episode we have Travis & Adelle, who are YouTubers, speakers, authors, content creators, and coaches, share their story. They are inspiring marriages globally who are walking through infidelity & betrayal, to learn a healthy way of healing, through foundational truths that help couples discover true love & intimacy, as God intended.  They long to see marriages experience lasting healing & growth, and each individual becoming whole & complete, so that they can have a meaningful, thriving marriage. 

Don’t miss this one as they share from the heart and offer valuable advice and resources that will impact your relationship. 

We try and share as openly on possible with every topic, and today's episode is no different. Join us as we discuss disciplines we have developed to help us handle triggers, our thought life, and we even discuss some current struggles we are navigating through. 

We challenge you to memorize 2nd Corinthians 10:3-5 and learn to fight temptation as Jesus did. Follow His example and utilize the tools He has given you.

Does being caught in sin vs confessing have an impact on whether there is genuine repentance?

How do you truly know if someone is repentant? What does that look like? We talk about these topics and much more on this episode, and we encourage you to evaluate where your trust lies, and to listen to God’s voice over any and all others. Don’t move until He tells you to move, and if He tells you to move, be radically obedient!

In addition, we challenge you to confess to a trusted source whatever God lays on your heart while listening to this episode. And DON’T GIVE UP! There are so many resources available.

We often hear from those who has been betrayed about the struggle between where their life started being a lie, and the reality that so many of their beautiful memories have been tainted through the lens of their pain. 

On today's episode, we share unique personal insights into how this came to pass in our own marriage, and both the dangers and the necessity of compartmentalization. 

We also want to encourage you in your healing. Jesus sees you! He does not want you to be stuck in pain or shame. He wants to redeem every aspect of your life. Go to Him for it all!

Sources used: 

We are beyond honored to have Married for a Purpose Founders Greg and Julie Gorman with us for this episode. They firmly believe God holds a purpose for every married couple! They enjoy teaching and inspiring couples all over the world on how to live Purpose-Focused, Not Problem-Focused. Greg and Julie present a unique message, helping thousands of couples move forward, and we love coaching on their team and seeing this in action. On today's episode, we dive deep into what this systematic and proven process is, and how it can help lead you and your spouse towards greater unity and a shared desired outcome.

Find out more about their resources here!

We were so thrilled to have guests, Shawn and Helena Bonneteau, with us for this episode. They started Secret Habit Life Coaching in 2017 as a way to help couples overcome the harms of p*rn addiction and betrayal trauma. Since then, they have played a helping hand in transforming over 2000 relationships through their coaching services and podcast.

Both Shawn and Helena struggled with an addiction to p*rn and by the grace of God are now celebrating over 5 years of freedom individually and as a couple. Shawn is a certified Inner Child Recovery Specialist and together, they are certified sexual addiction mentors and certified Husband Material coaches. They are parents to their daughter Violet and currently reside in Canada's Ocean Playground, Nova Scotia.

You can find all their resources here!

Few people who follow Christ deny the power of prayer, but often we choose not to access it. Instead, prayer is often treated as a last resort, instead of a first step. We want you to evaluate what it looks like to go to God in prayer for everything. What would your life look like to go to Him FIRST?

The reality is that prayer may not change your circumstances the way you like, but IT WILL CHANGE YOU! Dive into an intentional and intimate relationship with your Heavenly Father and go to war for your family and your marriage! 

Remember to pray those bold prayers and then surrender to God's will,  just like Jesus did. Luke 22:42, “Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine be done.

Surrender is not an easy process because the reality is that we all crave control, and we like to think we can somehow dictate outcomes. However, that is not the reality, and we all need to learn to surrender every area of our life. 

We often don't consider this, but in reality we are all surrendered to something, and we need to choose what that is. You can choose to give it to God or you can choose to be surrendered to your fear, your pain, your shame, your addiction, or your past.

On this episode, we talk about what surrender looked like for each of us, and the day to day questions we have to ask God to help us in this pursuit. We also emphasize our desire that each of you recognize your need for this in your own life and marriage. Ultimately, we hope this brings you hope no matter what you might be facing and remind you who is truly in control. Exodus 14:14

WELCOME BACK TO OUR NEW SEASON!

We get very personal on this episode and invite you into the details of our renewal ceremony at 15 years, and even read our vows that we spoke to each other. Find out why we believe legacy matters so much, and how we have seen how God has moved immeasurably more than we could ask or imagine in the past 11 years. 

We also challenge each of you to look closely at what you are planting now and what that will produce in the future. 

In culture today, there is a mind-set of self-love, vs. what Christ calls us to, which is to be selfLESS. 

We were shocked by several articles that stated the reason they chose to get a divorce is because of self-love. We see the continued trend of how culture is demeaning marriage, the value of it, and also giving it the appearance of it being simple to walk away from.  In fact, the lie is that it will actually benefit your family to see you pursue happiness vs. staying in your marriage. 

1. Do you know yourself?
2. Do you know your spouse?
3. Do you help your spouse know how to love you?

Learning your spouse is an honor, a privilege you have for the rest of your life. You have the opportunity to grow individually, as a couple, and ultimately, in your walk with Christ. Don't take this privilege for granted, or expect it to remain if you choose to ignore it until you have "time" to invest.

A criticizing spouse is one of the key factors in divorce, but self criticism is also detrimental to the health of your marriage. On this episode we take a look at criticism, it's effects, and some tangible steps you can take towards growth in this area. We encourage you to pray and to begin to...

• See the Best
• Speak the Best
• Believe the Best

These actions apply to both sides of the coin, and will begin to change your mindset towards yourself and your spouse. Ultimately, we want you to remember to fight FOR each other, and towards resolution, in every hot button topic your marriage faces.

But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for His possession, so that you may proclaim the praises of the One who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light. 1st Peter 2:9