Us and Kids: Parenting and marriage coaching with therapist, Jan Talen

Values are extremely valuable when it comes to understanding others.  They are also very valuable when it comes to communicating as a parent and within our marriages.   

But, we have to start with defining a value, and then understanding that how we live out that value will also impact how others (kids, spouses/partners) build relationships with us.  

If we value kindness, but are rude to those we don't know, or diss our spouse in public, then others will certainly wonder if they can trust the kindness from us as having integrity. Certainly, who we say we are is far more impactful when we also live into that identity. 

So, our show today is about values, and how to live them well so that our kiddos can also develop the identity and character that is strong and true. 

Listen in, share it with a friend, and use a tip or two for becoming more of your best self!

Happy Father's Day!  

Although, to be truthful, Dad's are needed everyday!  And so, today, we talk with 3 dads...all with 3 kids...about the highs, lows, learnings and growth they've experienced since becoming dads.  Learn from them, know that you are not alone in the challenges of fatherhood.  And then, upgrade in whatever ways are best for you!  

Real dad on today!

~Jan

On today’s show, Rachel Johnson Greer will talk with us about what to look for in all those online purchases.  Her work in Amazon compliance and helping online sellers understand the manufacturing and distribution laws puts her in a unique position to inform us about how to discern a safe purchase from ones to be cautious about.

Her book, “No Dead Babies” comes from the days when she and her team sighed in deep relief when at the end of the day they did not have to take a call from a grieving parent.  All too often were the conversations from these parents sharing how their child died because of faulty manufacturing or packaging.
Join us, learn about how to discern a safe product and package from others.  Your knowledge will extend from baby products to household and sporting purchases.

This is worth your time!

Welcome to the Us And Kids Podcast!

We are talking today about how to create smooth transitions  - for our kiddos, and for our selves.  It's spring, moving into summer, and often those schedules around school, day care, social spaces and places create good times, and trying times.  Our kiddos often don't understand going to sleep when it's still light outside -and we forget to get them to bed on time, because it is light outside and it feels so good to relax into the evening.

But then, that price to pay, the next morning!

So, what are some clues and tricks for helping changes (not just around seasons or DLSavings time) be less challenging.

Working together, making good plans, and adjusting plans are important skills.  And when our kiddos ( or our spouse, and our self) are struggling to find the energy to make the mindset and behavior shift necessary, we can come next to them with grace and patience.

Because, of course, transitions take time and tenderness, and often a family team to make it happen.

So, Mother’s Day has come and gone, again.  How are you?  Still so glad to be a mom or wondering how long you can hang in there with this mommy stuff?

Did you entertain all day, were you ignored most of the day, or did the kids and others figure out how to honor you, in a way that was meaningful to you?

On today’s show we’re talking about being yourself (Me) even while being a Mom.

Managing so many things, balancing energy, relationships, figuring out how to escape - or connect and how to balance the mom hat with your beautiful wife hat.

Yes, today’s show is for adults, (but still rated very G.)

Why?  Because staying in the adult-world after having a baby is very important to your identity as an adult, and your identity with your spouse.

And those adult identities are also very important to the development of your kiddos as they grow up.

Yep, I’m hinting at what happens in the room where your (adult) bed is…and how to be sure you still have a space and place that is just “yours” - just you and your spouse’s.

Of course, to get to that room, mindset and space, some things have to also happen outside of that room like…
Compassion - it helps with the passion,

Connection - it helps with the “ahem” connection

Attention - it helps with paying attention - like staying awake and mentally there, not elsewhere.

Enjoy using what you re-remember because it’s fun and helps to keep you married well and forever, even while you parent your kiddos together!

On today’s show we are talking all about parenting, new babies, and pretzels.  Pretzels can represent hugs, give a way to pause and think, distract from the depression and anxiety that can swamp new parents, and help couples remember to love and hug each other - and their kiddos.

We will chat about 10 good ways to help you and your household reset with joy and connection after a new one comes home.

These tips are good reminders, for your first baby - or your fifth.

These are good reminders even if your baby, partner or even yourself is (acting like) a toddler, talker or tantrum-maker or teaser.

So, join us and enjoy some easy upgrades to snacks and home life!

Are you struggling with the noise, tears and screams in your house?  A simple request turns into tempers, tantrums and trouble?

And, you are supposed to stay calm, cool and collected?  Really?

Join us for this short, yet info-packed time of teaching about what self-control is, and how to build it into the fabric of your parenting, as well as your psyche.

Parenting is not easy. Teaching, learning and using self-control in your everyday life really helps with being joyfully married forever while you parent together!

Share this podcast, what you learn and the printable with your friends and family and fun, joy will be everywhere!

Do you like to fight?...with your spouse or your kiddos?

On the show today we are talking about those fights that seem to just recycle, over and over.  Sometimes, it (seems) settled for years, or months - other times, “it” was settled - for maybe 15 minutes.

And it’s sooo tiring, confusing, draining.  Are these fights even finish-able?

Listen in and learn why these conversations replay repeatedly - and learn the trick to solving them, for real, by being real.

Be sure to share this with your friend, and your spouse!

Married, with kiddos?  What kind of reading are you doing - newsfeed, kids’ books, whatever is short and quick?   Reading is a skill we would be troubled to be without.  And, it is one of the most complex skills we need to learn.

Relationships also require a lot of reading.  And a lot of comprehending what we just read.  Body language, tone of voice, look in the eyes, touch, all play into how we “read” those we are in relationship with.

Enjoy this show about how to read each other with grace, understanding and joy.  Relationship reading is tricky, and worth the effort!

Thanks for joining and sharing with a friend!

We all know that romance and roses are supposed to go together.  And we know that the romance can wear down, as the roses wilt.  And what fun is that?

Today’s show is about how to keep that treasured romance between the two of you alive and beautiful using four easy to remember ideas. Enjoy and share!

Tammi chats with us about how she knew her son (and family) needed more support - and how she pursued getting the right support to help Isaac reset his world view (that was influenced by Covid) so that peace could be a more normal part of interacting and being.  Good work for a good win for Tammi, Phil and Isaac!

Parenting little ones - are you kidding??  They just run all over me and wear me out!

In today’s podcast we’ll talk about kiddos - and how to enjoy them more, keep parenting doable and even have great kindness, insight and delight when it’s bedtime!  Join us!

U.S. …Us...together forever.  Or is it together, just barely?

Listen in for some great words using the two letters - U and S - to help your reset and upgrade your marriage into a great place of Unity and Strength!

Finally - or fastly - 2021 is almost done! We are into our 3rd year of bringing you bi-weekly podcasts to help you be married forever while you enjoy parenting your kiddos together! So, today, we’re going to round out the year with just some pithy thoughts and sentences that make sense but don’t take long enough to each make a whole podcast.

You know, it’s sort of like cleaning out your fridge - not enough leftovers to make a meal, but some tasty tidbits that you can just eat with your fingers when no one is looking. So let’s dive in and end this year well.

So it's December. Do you feel a little bit crazy? Like maybe the world is always spinning and you try to jump on, but tumble off, embarrassingly. Or maybe from time to time you secretly bumble and jump off. Or do you thrive under the chaos? Or does the chaos thrive inside of you - eating your brain, your sanity, yourself, and your relationships?

Well, it's often called National Chaos Day. Not particularly this specific day, but a day in November is National Chaos Day. And I think we could do better by calling it just National Chaos Season.  Join us for a chat about how to calm the chaos and make it sanely into 2022!

Let me ask you, "Are you ready?"
"For what??", you might ask.
For learning about how to loosen up and lighten up, even in the midst of November and December.
What do you think when you hear those words loosen up, lighten up?
Do you just get angry, like, well, who has time for that?

This day was made to help us find our lighter side while locking up our serious side for a few hours. When we loosen up, lots of good things can happen and our worlds will not fall apart. They might in fact, even improve a bit.  Enjoy!

On today’s show, we're going to talk about napping. Now you can have all sorts of different emotional reactions around this, like, “Oh, I'd love to nap!”, or “They always nap way too long”, or “That kid who of mine does not know how to take a nap!”  You can go all over the place with napping conversations. So today we're just going to talk  mostly about why napping is good for kiddos. Let's remember that naps are also often good for adults. It helps us - either as a kiddos or an adult -  relax and it often reduces stress and some fatigue.  Enjoy this podcast - and then, perhaps, a nap!

Have you had a heavy heart this month?  There are two intense life events that impact so many of us in October as it is both Breast Cancer and Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.  Listen in to how the grief that we can experience in these life events can be different and yet the same - as shared by personal stories.  And then, be with your friends and spouses as they too work through this grief - either newly known or known for years but not ever really gone.  

On today’s show, we are going to be chatting with our special guest, Christi Gilbert. She is an awesome mom of 3, an education expert, and my oldest daughter. She and I are talking through her experience of parenting her son as she began to realize that some other expert input would be really wise.

Hear her story and thought process as she worked to find the appropriate expert, listen to her gut, and use the guidance in ways that brought growth and health.

On today’s show, we are doing something a little bit different. I’ve brought on a few guests to be on the show today but they aren’t just any guests - they are 3 of my grandkids. I told them they’d be allowed to ask me anything - so they did!

And now, you get to listen in and hear our conversation together. These are random, unscripted, and unknown to me until they ask them - so, join the table and get a small snapshot of my life. And for fun, let me know your kids’ best questions of the day!

On today’s show, we're talking about how to help your kids be successful. We think of it in terms of how to help your kids be gritty. How do you help them get along in life? So we're going to split this into two different thoughts.
The first part of this podcast is about what's happening for you and with that adult relationship between you and your spouse or your partner. The second part talks through the application of skills so that your kiddos can grow emotionally strong, steady and kind.  Enjoy this and the printable too!

On today’s show, we are gearing up to send our kiddos back to school or preschool, or perhaps just a more structured schedule for the day in the week. And we could easily be noticing some changes in our kiddos as well - maybe even in ourselves.

Sometimes it can be hard to tell why our little ones are being a bit naughty and hard to distinguish if it is really misplaced nerves. Listen in today to see how you can help, because as you know, stress and anxiety for our kiddos can build off of our own stress and worry.

On today’s show, we are pulling together the last seven podcasts where we listed "10 Tips" and are integrating those top tips with key ideas from our top three podcasts.
Those podcasts are about being bilingual with our love languages, the adjustments everyone in the family goes through when a new tiny, yet impactful sibling joins and how to live into your best, true self - all in ways that honor your own person, your family and the little ones around you and your spouse, of course!  

Enjoy this 100th podcast!  It's fun and filled with solid info!

On today’s show, we are doing the last  of our "10 tips" in our series. This is podcast 99 moving into podcast 100 and I wanted to talked about intimacy, as we have not covered this topic very much.  Intimacy has lots of meanings, messes and moments that create all different memories.

As we talk about intimacy, I'm talking less about close bodies and more about what happens before then which makes that time of close bodies really enjoyable. So take a listen in and see which tip would be good for you to use in the next week or month or year. And then have some fun!

On today’s show, we are going to talk about about 10 tips for playing as adults. So you might think at first, how is this different from playing as kids? If you revisit our previous episode you’ll remember that the kids play has more personal growth and brain development in it.

Playing as an adult has a little bit of a different angle to it. It’s still very, very crucial to healthy living and to building good relationships. Also for keeping your own brain and body in a really good space for relationships and just your own personal mental and physical wellness.  Just us and then include play in some way into your relationships today!

Forgiveness is messy, challenging and necessary. Often we believe that the hurt from "that person" will never leave me. We are scared and damaged for life because of what they did. We might believe that we will never be whole, worthy or valued because of their words, actions, opinions. This week’s podcast will help you get out of the painfulness of unforgiveness and into the freedom that comes with granting forgiveness.

We've done some of our 10 tips around how you talk, listen and play. Different things like all of that can feed right into how we forgive. So I’m going to invite you to come up with a little thought, in your own mind, of a situation big or small that you would like to process.

On today’s show, we're going to do 10 tips about talking. We're going to borrow some from the corporate world and the neurophysiological world. We talk about speaking in our course but we’re going to take it a little differently and apply what we know from corporate studies of communication in groups and upper management and apply those to our own relationships.

I think it's fairly easily done and it's just a little different way of thinking about things that often can open up and help us just make those 3-5% shifts that make such a difference in our relationships so that they’re more loving, more lovable, and just more engaging.

On today’s show, we are talking about how do we listen well?
What are some tips for helping me just listen a little better?
Sometimes it's a little harder during the summer time because it's hot outside and we're tired. We often need a little bit more hydration and sometimes we just end up being up later and drinking more alcohol because there's more hanging out time...which also means for time for listening well. 

Take a few minutes here to listen to 10 tips about how to develop a really good listening space inside yourself because that helps build the connections for everyone and ends up being a win-win.

Kids: playing, making messes, being loud and noisy!  Really it could just give us adults all a headache. Or could we relax as we realize how important play is for our bodies - and our brains. At any age!  Listen in and have fun playing.  It's the most important work of a kiddos and the ongoing crucial activity for us ...with kids!

So today we're going to start  a series of 10 Tips.  Our first topic will be about summer health.
And then, the next 5 weeks we will include tips for playing - with kids and as adults, tips about intimacy, talking, and listening well.  
And - there's a contest using these tips as we close in on Episode 100!  Listen in, look at the  Usandkidspodcast Facebook page, this podcast transcript or the Us and Kids website for details!

But for right now you might be thinking “why do we need a tip for summer health?” Because the heat can really make our brains - and following actions and attitudes a bit crazy.  So, some tips for good brain health for you and your kiddos will help make summer ---  hot and healthy!

.

Today we're going to talk about the letter A. We're going to start by talking about anger and then add other A words that both lead away from anger in a negative way or in a more sad way and lead away from anger into a more healthy or appealing way. So first, we have to start by talking about anger.

I talk often with my clients about the idea that anger is energy. It's emotional energy that really wants to have influence in some space or another and often it can show up in an explosive way. It comes out that way because we haven't just let it come out more quietly.

On today’s show, we are talking about how my marriage has lasted 42 years and one week. Last week was my 42nd anniversary to my husband Chip. We have known each other for 45 years and so I took a little walk back through history. I looked at it through the lens of our program that we use to help you guys called the Us...and Kids Communication Program. In this program we used the DNA method of communicating. 

This program helps us look at our desires, use the necessary skills that we need and how we apply them. And so last week I talked our way through some of what desires and necessary skills did we have when we got married? Today, we're going to branch out on those things and continue to think about what else we wanted in life - especially while we were parenting.  Glad you can joinus!

I have a little announcement today.
The date of this is podcast being released is the 42nd anniversary of my marriage to my husband, Chipper. You're right, usually we call him Chip. I get to call him Chipper. Anyways, I thought well, what happens if I take a little walk back in time and think about “how have we lasted this long?”.

Maybe you think that I better be married forever...after all I am a marriage and family therapist so I better know how to stay married.
And, yes, so far we have done it.
Marriage is a work of art which means that it takes a long time as well as continuous work to keep our marriage artful and beautiful. LIsten in and hopefully you will see the beauty and art in your marriage too!

On today’s show, we are using the DNA method to explore empathy. We are going to need to Define our desires or a dream. And that means today my dream or my desire is being emotionally connected with my family and with other people in very kind ways. What is my N, my necessary skill? Today is going to be about empathy. And the A is, how are we going to apply it? Empathy, yes for anyone in our family.

In order for everyone to get on the same page we need to know exactly what we mean by the word empathy. That is part of defining our dreams and desires, is that they need to be specific enough that everyone understands what we mean. Empathy is emotionally connecting with those we are around.  There are 3 different levels to it that we will explore today!  Enjoy!

On today’s show, our topic is all about using our imagination to build confidence. This is a timeless podcast because we whether we are adults and kids, we are always encountering new things. And we can either become scared and a little shaky or unsure of ourselves, losing our confidence or we can be confident of ourselves and what we are able to do.

Imagination plays a significant role in building up and maintaining confidence. Let’s talk, first of all, about what do I mean by imagination? I think using our imagination is using our brain to create an idea or a plan of what we would like to accomplish.  Join us and use your imagination too!

On today’s show, we're going to talk about being honest. Now, honesty can come in many forms, right? Honest to ourselves, honest with others, honest about our emotions. When you hear the word honest, or when someone says to you, "Oh come on, be honest!" how do you respond?

Are there different levels of honesty? Because then, that begs the question about are there different levels of lies? And what do you want to teach your kids about being honest and about lying? The two conversations sort of go together, don't they?

On today’s show, we’re going to talk about anxiety. Anxiety is, physiologically, a sense of overwhelming concern, or worry when there doesn't seem to be a good way to resolve a situation and even if it's resolved, there's a worry about what about next time? So it's a worry about things in the future and the unknown things that we don't have control over.

Sometimes we don't know exactly what we are worried about. We can just feel that concern running around in our head all the time. So, let’s talk about what to do with this overly-friendly emotion and what we can do to help it go away.

On today’s show, we're talking about, "How can I help?" Or, "How can I support?" So, we're going to work our way through the word SUPPORT in an acronym sort of way.  This time we are going to look at each letter briefly from both: What if you're looking for support, what would you do?; And, if you're offering support, or being asked to support someone, or help someone, what's your best way to respond? What skill is usually best in that situation?

You know hanging around good people 24/7, living with people, is not always easy. But, when we join in and say, "How can I help?" And, we support each other, it ends up being a pretty doggone good time.

It takes a lot of courage to stay married forever while you parent together and it also takes a lot of encouragement to do that. The DNA method of communication often talks about this need for having courage and that encouragement to plays an important role in helping someone build up their courage. We know this is worth the work; being married forever while you parent together is so very rewarding.

So today I just wanted to talk a little bit about how do we help each other? How do we encourage each other? What does that look like and sound like?

Courage...have you used yours all up??

Sometimes we have to “just do it” - and it doesn’t really matter if we feel courageous...we have to do it anyways.

So, what components of courage did you use to make it through, even when you were totally out of courage??

And if you wanted to be more courageous, or help your kiddo be OK with change and adventure - what part of character, personality or behavior do you want to focus on and develop?

This podcast will answer those great questions! Everyday life with littles and a spouse is challenging - so listen in so that you can live “in courage” together!

On today’s show, we're going to talk about Easter. But, we're also going to fit that into our desires, and the skills that we need to achieve our desires. This is not a highly spiritual, Christian podcast in terms of that we're not going to talk all about the Jesus part of it. We're going to talk about the good human health part of it. We can make it so that it also works with everyday life, and how does it fit into your spiritual life.

We are going to break down the word Easter. And, we're going to say, "Well, what are some ways that we can live really well, as we continue into 2021?" So we're gonna use the acronym process, and include in it not just what within the E word, but also what necessary skill would I use if this was one of my New Year's resolutions.

On today’s show, we are going to talk about trauma. Not many of us like to think about it, but probably all of us have it. And trauma impacts families, it impacts marriages and impacts us as individuals. And yet I feel like it’s not very often talked about even though it often impacts how a family and a couple reacts and interacts with things.

Today we are going to talk mostly from the general perspective about trauma with a little bit of application more towards the end. You will hear some of the DNA process.

So today’s show, we are going to talk a little bit more about the DNA process. We’ve been talking a lot about marriages lately and when I wanted to do was say, okay, let’s pay attention to those kiddos. So we’re just going to talk a little bit about one of your hopes and dreams.

If you’re listening to Us and Kids, you probably had a desire to have a family, and that’s part of what that D is in the DNA. What are your dreams? What are your desires and help understand what they are so you can make plans on helping them come true. One of those dreams or desires could well be to have a family and you have a new baby arriving.

Today I'm glad you joined us becausewe are tying together the last threepodcasts aboutupgrading your marriage so that it will last forever, while you also become more awesome parents taking care of your kids together.

We've talked about the D: Defining your desires and values.  Then we moved onto two other podcasts that talked about the N: Necessary core comunication skills that we need for living out those values in ways that hold relationships together.  

And today we're going to take those values, add a Necessary core skill to them and then I'll give you and example of how to A: Apply it.  

So, the complete communciation pattern is:

D: Defining your desires and values

N:  Using the Necessary core skills to communicate those desires

A:  Applying those desires and necessary skills appropriately for any age and stage of your family members.  So fun and good!

Today we are talking about the last three of the eight core or necessary pieces that we know to make the DNA in our marriage and our family life really strong and healthy. You and I both know our marriages are very unique. And even how our marriage was five years ago and how it is now also can be very different and looks very different.

Its important that we know how to keep those values together. Not every marriage, or person in the marriage has the same values but learning how to value what our spouse values and vice versa really ties the relationship nicely together much like DNA is woven together.

Last week we looked at the values that we bring into our relationship and how those values build up the basic structure of our relationships with our kids or even with our spouses. So today we’re going to look a little bit more at the particulars that hold this structure together.

This structure is in the particulars were going to talk about are important for your marriage and for any age kiddo that is sitting next to you. So this applies all the way around has lots and lots of applications so it’s really worth hanging in here and listening in. I’m sure you can find something that you can say “This is my next step”

In today’s show, we are focusing on building up the skills we need for helping our marriages and our families regardless of the messiness of life. Today we are going to talk about DNA and we are looking at DNA within your relationships, your marriage, and your family because that too is always going to be unique just to you and so we can’t make a course or a program that is going to be one size fits all.

This week we are diving into the D strand specifically and while the D strand could stand for a lot of different things, we are going to be talking about defining your desire.

On today’s show, we are diving into shame and responsibility and it’s going to apply both to you as a husband or wife, and how you interact with your kiddos. We’re going to start by talking about yourself because so much of our parenting and interactions in our marriage can come from a place of shame and that can be somewhat contagious.

The podcast today will help you understand where shame sneaks into your heart and mind...and how it sneaks into kiddos’ being as well. And then, we’ll help you gain a pathway out of shame and into responsibility, and courageous, yet calm connections.

On today’s show, we are wrapping up the last part of a 5 part series we started in January about how to stay married forever while you parent together - not one or the other. Today we are talking about KISSes. Of course, there has to be kisses! Eskimo and butterfly kisses, as well as I love you - oooh! kisses.

But when there is stress and headaches, so much and too much! Who even remembers to kiss? And, does it really matter if we kiss? Really? Well, if you can take care of this kind of KISS, then the other kisses are so much better and sweeter!