The Curious Works of Verna A. Ringlander

This is the final installment of the Dearest Benjamin series by Verna A. Ringlander. 

Our letter writer finalizes her thoughts and lets Benjamin know exactly what she wants from him, and how she'd like it to happen, as well as where the letter is going. 

Fate is very nearly thwarted by a terrible blizzard that threatens to destroy everyone's much-anticipated plans. Gratefully, they eventually all come together for a giant campout in the freezing cold and share an unforgettable night around a bonfire in the woods. 

Oh... and she meets Benjamin.

The letter writer tells Benjamin all about her friendship with two of girls she'd always hoped to befriend, Katrina and Angelica, and about the storm of drama over a boy that nearly ended all of their friendships as they planned to attend a music festival, leading her to seek shelter in an inhospitable environment, and some drastic consequences for Katrina. 

The ultimate road trip takes our letter writer and Conrad all the way to West Texas to visit Benjamin and meet up with Walter. Important late night decisions were made, which were of course either never kept.. or kept a little too well.

Our letter writer recounts the very last time she ever saw Benjamin. It was, to say the very least, not a friendly visit.  

The writer of the letter describes a little bit about her life in Dallas, during the time she was romantically involved with, and entirely absorbed by, Dirk. We hear a little bit about the tragic nature of her relationship with Benjamin, and how Dirk tried to help. Ultimately, we know she went back to Madison to start a new life with Leif, yet her actual reasons for doing so were not quite as simple as they earlier seemed.

Our letter writer details her struggles with a marriage she entered when she was still only a teenager, to Leif, a boy she grew up with who lived down the street from her when she was a young child. She describes dealing with unaffectionate but very wealthy in-laws, her husband's infidelity, and her own painful decision to leave the relationship entirely when it became too difficult to bear. Once again, we hear that Conrad was there to lovingly pick up the pieces and encourage the divorce along, and that Garrett experienced a u-turn of his own once reality set in. 

Our letter writer expresses she couldn't to relate to Benjamin, even though both of them were no stranger to vicious splits, when he went through his most recent heartbreak, even if Walter very much wished that she would take some of the burden off his shoulders. She tells about how it all ended with Lief (badly) and how it almost happened to her with Ronin if not for his resolve. She explains why she hasn't been there for Benjamin through it all, even though she still cares. 

We hear the whole story about Geo's relationship with our letter-writer, from the beginning, having heard how it ended in Chapter 1. We get to know Conrad a little better, too, who is clearly a good and loyal friend who got her through the worst of times, just as she did for him in return. We hear all the details of the last few conversations she ever had with Benjamin, all on the phone, all very casual, and the mystery deepens further even as we hear about how things really fell apart between them in what had to be the end of whatever it was they shared.

Our narrator discloses in her letter that the blame for her own happiness lies with herself ultimately, but we learn here about a couple of tragic yet important relationships-- Boris, an ex who simply wasn't a good match, and Katrina, a very old and very troubled friend that Benjamin had also been acquainted with at some point. All this leads to meeting and marrying Ronin, only after years of giving life a try in Seattle, where she had lots of fun but experienced no sense of permanence, and was forced to move back home nearer to family. (CW: drug abuse, suicide, pornography)

We learn here that the writer of the letter is in unspeakable pain, and that it's old pain that feels useless to her. We also learn that Benjamin was most definitely someone close to her, someone who hurt her in a way that has left a long-festering wound, and the years of relationships and life events have not erased it enough for her to move on, even though at many times it felt that she had moved on. The move abroad has rendered our narrator incapable of escaping the grappling of her past that has finally caught up to her in the stagnation of a recent expatriation that has removed her from all she knows. She is getting therapy, and not for the first time, either, as it seems she has unpacked quite a lot of other elements of her past, particularly her childhood, and she mentions some other relationships that sound perhaps even more important than the one she shared with Benjamin, yet she cannot understand why they don't mean as much to her now.

A long, heartfelt letter is begun to Benjamin, and we find out that our narrator is living abroad in a lonely place far, far away from all of the memories she describes as she's writing to him. She speaks of dreaming strange dreams about Benjamin, and how little hope she has of reconciliation with him. It is unclear the nature of their relationship, but it seems warm and quite romantic, even if it did end badly. Our narrator describes how recording her dreams and doing free association journaling was recommended by her therapist, whose methods seem offbeat, but seem to be getting somewhere, as she begins to delve into Benjamin and her shared past.