Dad's Slightly Warped Bedtime Stories

This is a story I told my youngest son about his beanie teddy bear while we were camping, so please pardon the background noise. In this story, the bear is self-conscious about the beans in his rear end and paws, and also wonders if his polka dot tie violates some sort of fashion laws.

I decided to retell the Hansel and Gretel story to my kids, but since I couldn't really remember all the details, I just made up my own on the spot. I hope you enjoy!

A man takes belly flopping to a whole new level as he competes to flop from the highest height into the shallowest pool. His final stunt may be either the death of him, or the beginning of a comfortable retirement.

A silly monkey and his friend go to a mountain town in Colorado to visit the penny arcade. They don't have much money, and they keep getting into trouble with security guards, but that doesn't stop them from having a great time!

A mild-mannered salesman named Mr. Fubbels tells a story of the time he visited Not-So-Pleasantville, where a mean lady steals something from him. He meets a mailman who also had something stolen by this lady, so together they come up with a plan to get their stuff back.

A mild-mannered salesman named Mr. Fubbels tells a story of the time he visited Not-So-Pleasantville, where a mean lady steals something from him. He meets a mailman who also had something stolen by this lady, so together they come up with a plan to get their stuff back.

A bunch of aliens from space have a plan to take over the Earth! But, luckily for us, their plan is kind of stupid.

A bunch of aliens from space have a plan to take over the Earth! But, luckily for us, their plan is kind of stupid.

An evil scientist wants to take over the world, so he hatches a plan to create the world's most powerful AI to help him do it. But who's in control, the scientist or the AI?

An evil scientist wants to take over the world, so he hatches a plan to create the world's most powerful AI to help him do it. But who's in control, the scientist or the AI?

Tonight I have two short stories in one podcast!  First up, we have a little boy who tries to win a biggest booger contest.  Then a story about a couple kids sent by their mother to get a chainsaw from Mr. Gay's store. But they decide to take a shortcut, by bashing through their neighbor's fences and using their backyards.

Tonight I have two short stories in one podcast!  First up, we have a little boy who tries to win a biggest booger contest.  Then a story about a couple kids sent by their mother to get a chainsaw from Mr. Gay's store. But they decide to take a shortcut, by bashing through their neighbor's fences and using their backyards.

There were once three banditos in Mexico who were always sick and snotty.  After pulling off a heist and getting a nice dinner, they realized they had nowhere to sleep.  Luckily, one of them had gotten a few phone numbers from some nice senioritas during the heist.

This is about a little girl lives on an island with just her mom and dad.  It's her birthday, but her mom is sick and her dad is traveling so nobody can bake her a cake.  Luckily, her friends are willing to do it for her, but, they happen to be monkeys!

This is the sequel to Spaceship Xenon 159, Adventures in Zaltar. When our space heroes crash on an alien planet, they struggle to find food that won't try to kill them or give them crazy visions.  To top it all off, someone they thought had died in the crash is sneaking around looking for vengance!

A dangerous alien with spikes of glass on it's back lands on the Earth and goes on a hunt for lunch.  Then he heads into town to find a movie theater, but finds most people to be most uncooperative.

A hobo named Joe finds some nice new red clothes and accidentally ends up looking just like Santa Claus, which is lucky for him, because it's Christmas time!

Hi, and welcome to season 3 of Dad's Slightly Warped Bedtime Stories!  Tonight I tell a story about what happens when a group of space psychos bump into a broomful of space witches.

In this sequel to Dad Gets a Spider in his Brain, our unfortunate dad gets an ant into his brain somehow and starts making a nest in the backyard.  The family works together to fix dad's brain for good.

What do you think would happen if a spider crawled into your ear and made itself at home in your brain?  Let's find out!

Becky is having a hard time going to sleep because her blanket keeps squeezing her really tight!  Her parents think she's just playing around.  They had better take her seriously, or it might become their problem too.

Parents, please preview this episode as it might be scary for younger listeners, especially at bedtime.

Rob has no arms or legs, but has a giant mouth.  His friends invite him out for dim sum, but then start making fun of him.  That might not be a good idea.

There's a fire in an apartment building and the firefighters are trying to get everyone out safely.  Mr. Fancypants, who lives in the penthouse, would really rather not be bothered with such things, and would prefer to finish his tea.

After hurting her ankles running the Boston Marathon, the Easter Bunny is told she can't deliver Easter goodies this year.  Luckily she has a friend up at the north pole who might be able to help her out.

This is a story about two horses. Prancesome is highly pampered and conceited, and Handsome is mostly ignored and feels jealous.  When Handsome hatches a plan to get even, both horses might learn something about pride.

Two tiger brothers are hungry and decide to go into the village.  One of them just wants to have some simple food like cereal, the other one, wants some villagers!

A little boy has a gigantic poop and is very proud of it, especially when it starts talking to him!  They become friends and have pancakes, then embark on a joyful adventure together.

There was a man who was just too darned lazy to wash his pants, so he needed to come up with some "alternatives" to pants to wear to work.

Tonight's story is a bit different as it's a collaboration with my boys.  They helped me tell the story by adding in ideas of their own.

It's about a monkey named Beppo, an ugly dog, and Gandhi.  It could be the start of a beautiful friendship.

A little girl loves her new snowman that she made and she tries to keep him from melting. By the way, she made him out of some yellow snow that she found.

What should a family of zombie give each other for Christmas?  Maybe some candied ears?  Eyeballs?  You'll have to listen to find out.

A tiny elephant happens upon a huge toenail, so he decides to carve it into something fun and take it on an adventure.

This is about a family who gets a Thanksgiving turkey from a farm to have for dinner.  The only problem is, this turkey refuses to die and also won't shut up!

Here's a funny space adventure about the spaceship, Xenon 159, and it's misadventures in the Zaltar system.  They are outnumbered by aliens, which are attacking them! Luckily, the ship's captain is fearless ... but a little dumb.

Hello everyone, and welcome to Dad's Slightly Warped Bedtime Stories.  This episode is actually going to be the last one for season 1.  I am going to take a short break for a vacation and to build up a good backlog of stories.  I will be back again with more bedtime stories later this fall.  Thank you so much for listening and supporting my storytime podcast.  This is my first podcast series, and it's been a lot of fun for me and my three sons.  Now, onto tonight's story!

A young boy named Peter goes on a junk food buying spree, but doesn't use money.  Instead, for some reason, he uses various body parts.  His dentist is upset at all the sweets he's been eating and does something drastic to Peter.

If you happen to be walking along and see some nice shiny coins on the ground, think twice about picking them up.  You could be the next victim of Pee Wee, the Bottom Muncher!

The hobo spaceman lands in town, and he's thirsty.  All he wants to do is get a drink.  Then he runs into some tough biker dudes.

On a hill above a small town is a big butt that, with gruesome regularity, deposits an unwelcome present.  The villagers try to get it to stop.

A mom needs to go to a place that she knows her kids will hate, so she tells them it's a wonderful, magical place.  Little do they know, it's the DMV!

Based on a true story.

Some children hook some old meat on a hook and use their fishing pole to see what they can catch on the other side of that there bush.  They might catch something unexpected.

The man who could barbeque anything had a friend, and he said that he would eat anything.  A friend of his decides he's going to figure out how true that is by offering him all kinds of gross stuff to eat.

Old man Nolan sits the neighborhood children down to tell them about his terrible experiences in the war.  The children find some of it a little hard to believe.

On a nice peaceful night when everyone is sleeping, a cricket slips into a new house armed with a kazoo.  His mission: create some racket!

There once was a man who claimed he could barbeque anything.  Over the course of several evening dinners, his daughter sees just how far she can push him.  Can she find something that even he won't barbeque?

Mary Lou and Ted both want to be the one who spots the first robin of spring.  Mary Lou gets overly competitive about it, and may end up regretting being the first to spot the robin.

Tonight's story is about little baby Polly.  Polly can stand, but can't walk.  Don't ask her to walk.  Or bad things might happen...