Watch This Or Die

Tell us a story. Smoke some PCP laced weed. Save a girl from being raped. Kill a drug dealer and try to avoid getting your shit pushed in, because King Kong ain’t got shit on us. It is our pleasure to recommend to you this week, Antoine Fuqua’s American crime thriller, Training Day (2001). 

Clips From: Training Day

Spend the winter with 12 men in Antartica. Lob thermite grenades at a dog. Test the blood of your co-workers to see if they've been assimilated by an alien life form. Grab a flamethrower and burn anyone who's acting weird, because there's a fucking alien amongst you and he wants you all dead. Like an arsonist in a Zippo factory we're super excited to recommend to you this week, for the 5th and final installment of our 2nd annual Horrorfest, John Carpenter's sci-fi horror film, The Thing (1982). 

Clips from: The Thing & Liberty Medical

Break your leg falling off your roof. Let your wife get kidnapped by Indigenous Cannibals. Form a posse to go rescue her. Shoot who or whatever rings the tripwire bells and watch a man get ripped in half, because you’ve got a wife to save. It is with diabolical delight that we recommend to you this week for our 3rd installment of our 2nd annual Horrorfest, S. Craig Zahler’s horror western, Bone Tomahawk (2015). 

Clips from: Bone Tomahawk

Wake up from a coma. Aimlessly wander around London looking for people. Blow up a petrol station. Change a flat tire and then take a scenic drive out into the country, because zombies have overtaken England and your days are fucking numbered. It is with diabolical delight that we recommend to you this week Danny Boyle's post-apocalyptic zombie thriller, 28 Days Later (2002).

Clips from: 28 Days Later, Tropic Thunder & Wham! 

Hitch a ride on a stagecoach. Brave a blizzard in Mini's Haberdashery with seven nefarious individuals. Kill an old racist Confederate General. Trust no one and definitely don't drink the coffee, because someone's poisoned it and is trying to free Daisy. It is with devious delight that we kickoff our second season by recommending to you Quentin Tarantino's western thriller, The Hateful Eight (2015).

Clips from: The Hateful Eight

Survive a horrific train accident. Intimidate a camo trench coat wearing man to step out of line. Bench a shit ton of weight. Touch a bunch of strangers at a train station and choke a man to death because we have to figure out if we really are a superhero. It is our pleasure to recommend to you this week M. Night Shymalan’s superhero thriller, Unbreakable (2000). 

Clips from: Unbreakable, Quentin Tarantino HD & Touchstone Pictures.

Send a final message home to your family. Start to loose your mind starring at the sun. Deviate from your mission to checkout a nearby distress signal. Blast you and some fellow crew members out into space to get back to your ship and then avoid the naked sunburned lunatic because we have sun to reignite. Bask in the terrifying sci-fi horror glory of this weeks recommendation from Dan Boyle, Sunshine (2007).  

Clips from: Sunshine

*It is our pleasure to present to you our review and recommendation for the following new release* 

A truffle hunter who lives alone in the Oregonian wilderness must return to his past in Portland in search of his beloved foraging pig after she is kidnapped in Michael Sarnoski’s Cagetastic dramatic thriller, Pig (2021). 

Clips From: Pig

Go to the store for milk. Ask a complete stranger to let you into their apartment to save your life from a psychotic DEA Agent. Learn the ways of the cleaner. Attempt to get revenge for the death of your little brother and hope like hell your mentor saves your ass, because we've got a score to settle with the dirtbags that murdered your whole family. It is with psychopathic glee that we recommend to you this week Luc Besson's cult classic action thriller, The Professional (1994).

Clips from: The Professional

Go to a Sonny Chiba triple feature for your birthday. Marry a call girl. Kill her pimp. Run off to Hollywood to sell a suitcase full of cocaine and get into a shootout with some cops and the mob, because you and your new wife have a brand new life to start. It's most definitely not white boy day but we're still super fucking pumped to recommend to you this week Tony Scott's modern day Bonnie & Clyde crime thriller, True Romance (1993).

Clips from: True Romance, Reservoir Dogs & Some Guy In A Trench Coat.

Follow the cheating wife of your client and her lover to a motel. Give the pictures of their affair to your client. Agree to murder them for him for ten grand. Steal the cheating wife’s gun and make him think you killed them because you’re a double crossing son of a bitch. It is with devious pride that we recommend to you this week the Coen Brother’s neo-noir crime film, Blood Simple (1984).

Clips from: Blood Simple, Turner Movie Classics, Some Guy In A Trench Coat & Once Upon A Time In Hollywood.

Do whatever it takes to get on TV. Blow an older man in the business at a convention. Work for nothing doing the weather at a local TV station. Seduce the younger male subject of a documentary you're making and then manipulate them into killing your condescending husband, because no one will get in your way of being a famous TV personality. It is with sadistic joy that we recommend to you this week Gus Van Sant's black comedy crime film, To Die For (1995). 

Clips from: To Die For & Some Guy In A Trench Coat.

Shoot a man surrendering in the neck. Find an Iraqi ass map. Make an explosive nerf football. Blow up a milk truck and steal millions of dollars worth of Kuwaiti bullion, because we have some Iraqi refugees to escort to safety. It is our genuine pleasure to recommend to you this week David O. Russell’s satirical war film, Three Kings (1999).

Clips from: Three Kings & Nerf.

Kill a Nazi on a horse with a knife. Run some Nazi's in a trench over with your tank. Blow a hole in a Nazi prisoner with a revolver. Obliterate some Nazi's in a basement with a tank round and then burn some other Nazi bastards to death with a phosphorus grenade, because we have to get to a crossroads and prepare to kill a whole shit ton more of Nazi's. It is with giddy Nazi killing joy that we recommend to you this week David Ayer's American war film, Fury (2014). 

Clips from: Fury, Two Tube & Sony Entertainment.

Survive the bloodiest single day of war in American History. Be selected to lead the first all black regiment in the US Army. Set a Georgian town on fire. Defeat a Confederate advance and volunteer for a suicide mission, because we have a war to win. As we kick of War MAYmorial it is our honor to recommend to you this week Edward Zwick's historical war drama, Glory (1989).

Clips from: Glory & Some Guy In A Trench Coat.

Breath deeply with a plastic bag over your head. Count backwards. Buy a ball-peen hammer. Infiltrate an underage sex ring and bash every motherfucking pedophile's head in, because we have a young girl to save. For Matt's 4th birthday celebration recommendation, he humbly recommends to you this week Lynne Ramsey’s psychological thriller, You Were Never Really Here (2017).

Clips from: You Were Never Really Here, BFI & Some Guy In A Trench Coat.

*It is our pleasure to present to you our review and recommendation for the following new release*

As the world searches for a cure to a disastrous virus, a scientist and park scout venture deep in the forest for a routine equipment run. Through the night, their journey becomes a terrifying voyage through the heart of darkness, the forest coming to life around them in Ben Wheatley’s psychedelic horror film, In The Earth (2021).

Clips From: In The Earth, IGN & Sundance.

Visit a protein farm. Find the remains of a woman who died in child birth. Have a romantic relationship with a holographic AI woman. Drop an air strike on some scavengers and track down Rick Deckard because we have a missing child to find. For Matt's 3rd birthday celebration recommendation he joyfully recommends to you this week Denis Villeneuve's Neo-noir sci-fi film, Blade Runner 2049 (2017). Clips from: Blade Runner 2049, The Hollywood Reporter & Some Guy In A Trench Coat.

Grab your audio recording equipment. Save a woman from drowning. Discover a high level coverup. Get cheap head from a prostitute in a phone booth but don't brush your teeth in a train station bathroom because we have an assassination to solve. For Matt's 2nd birthday celebration recommendation he proudly recommends to you this week Brian De Palma's Neo-noir mystery thriller, Blow Out (1981).

Clips from: Blow Out

Have some kids make fun of your piece of shit car. Greet your new partner with a flying sidekick. Buy a mentally handicapped man some fake Nike sneakers. Have your leg amputated and stare into a suspects eyes because we have a serial killer to catch. For Matt's 1st birthday month recommendation he proudly recommends to you, Bong Joon-Ho's crime drama, Memories of Murder (2003).  

Clips from: Memories of Murder, Full Metal Jacket, Reservoir Dogs & Official SBIFF

To celebrate the greatest living director, Quentin Tarantino's 58th birthday, it is our motherfucking pleasure to recommend to you this week, for our  1st annual Quentin Tarantino birthday spectacular, his 3rd film, the crime drama he adapted from Elmore Leonard's "Rum Punch", Jackie Brown (1997). 

*With special guest Jerrod Stith*

Clips from: Jackie Brown, Reservoir Dogs, Roy Ayers, Pam Grier & Foxy Brown.

Lose your hearing saving a drowning girl. Open fire on the car that just rammed you. Jump off the George Washington Bridge. Burn your house down for the insurance money, but don’t blow your chance to do the right thing because we have some crooked cops to bring down. We are fucking pumped to recommend to you this week James Mangold’s police thriller, Cop Land (1997). 

Clips from: Cop Land, Bobbie Wygant.com, Pontiac & The Club.

Go shooting with your best friend. Drive his truck off a cliff. Have an affair with his wife. Go fishing with a strange man and find a dead body, because now you’re the FBI’s prime suspect in a series of murders. It is our esteemed pleasure to recommend to you this week David Dobbkin's obscure crime comedy, Clay Pigeons (1998). 

Clips from: Clay Pigeons, Grounded Life Travel & Metalocalypse.

As we close out our month long celebration of Black History, with a look at amazing films from Black Directors, we proudly recommend to you this week a modern day classic from one of histories most famous Black Directors. It's Spike Lee’s cultural phenomenon, Do The Right Thing (1989).

Clips from: Do The Right Thing

*It is our pleasure to present to you our review and recommendation for the following new release.* 

When his car breaks down, a quiet loner agrees to clean an abandoned family fun center in exchange for repairs. He soon finds himself waging war against possessed animatronic mascots while trapped inside Willy's Wonderland in Kevin Lewis’ Cagetastic action horror film, Willy’s Wonderland (2021).

Clips from: Willy’s Wonderland & The History of Swear Words.

As we continue to celebrate Black History Month by showcasing amazing films from Black Directors, this week it is our pleasure to recommend to you Ryan Coogler’s Sundance Award winning biographical drama, Fruitvale Station (2013).

Clips from: Fruitvale Station & We Got This Covered.

Round up your Droogies. Pop on down to the Korova Milk Bar for a pregame drink. Head out into the night for some of the old ultra violence. Put on some Ludwig Van Beethoven while you do the old in out, because we've got crimes to commit before they subject us to aversion therapy. It is with pure unadulterated joy that the movie we recommend to you this week is none other than the Stanley Kubrick cult classic dystopian crime film, A Clockwork Orange (1971).

Clips from: A Clockwork Orange, Richard Strauss, Full Metal Jacket, Ludwig Von Beethoven, Tomoyasu Hotei, Crimson King, Donovan, The 5, 6, 7, 8's & Gioachino Rossini.

*It is our pleasure to present to you our review and recommendation for the following new release.*  

Maud is a reclusive young nurse whose impressionable demeanor causes her to pursue a pious path of Christian devotion after an obscure trauma. Now charged with the hospice care of Amanda, a retired dancer ravaged by cancer, Maud's fervent faith quickly inspires an obsessive conviction that she must save her ward's soul from eternal damnation at whatever cost, in Rose Glass’ psychological horror film, Saint Maud (2021).  

Clips from: Saint Maud & BFI

Pick up a severed ear during a walk. Enlist the help of a high school girl to break into a woman's apartment. Hide out in a femme fatale's closet. Take a big huff of nitrous oxide but don't look at us fucker, because we have a mystery to solve. This week it is our esteemed pleasure to recommend to you David Lynch's neo-noir mystery masterpiece, Blue Velvet (1986). 

Clips from: Blue Velvet & Roy Orbison

Live. Die. Repeat. Find us when you wake up and we'll train you because we have to find the Omega so we can win this damn war. It is with gleeful excitement that the movie we are recommending to you this week is, Doug Liman's Sci-fi Action movie, Edge of Tomorrow (2014).

Clips from: Edge of Tomorrow, Oprah Winfrey Show, The Church of Scientology, Top Gun, The Color of Money, Born On The 4th of July, Days of Thunder, A Few Good Men, Interview With a Vampire, Magnolia & Collateral. 

Ram your personnel carrier through the front of someone's house. Join a joint DOJ task force. Transport a drug cartel leader to the US from Juarez, Mexico. Get into a shootout with cartel gunmen trying to cross the border and then make sure your prisoner has plenty of water in his belly because we have a kingpin to find. This week our movie recommendation is none other than Denis Villeneuve's action thriller, Sicario (2015).

Clips from: Sicario & Some Guy In A Waistcoat.

Hitch a ride home from prison in a limo. Have your crew take out your rivals. Kill the piece of shit who pissed on your friends shoes. Drive a hitchhiker into a fire hydrant and bring a shotgun to a funeral because we've got a kingdom to run. It is with great pride that Scott recommends to you for his final birthday celebration recommendation Abel Ferrara's gangster crime drama, King of New York (1990).

Clips from: King of New York, Speed 2, Fat Boy Slim, Pulp Fiction, The Godfather Part 3 & Some Guy In A Waistcoat.

Get held against your will for 15 years. Attempt to dig your way out Shawshank style. Remove a man's teeth with a hammer to get some answers. Fight your way down a hallway through 20 men and find the right Blue Dragon restaurant because you have 5 days to figure out who imprisoned you and why. It is Scott's deranged pleasure to recommend to you for his birthday month celebration Park Chan-wook's neo-noir revenge thriller, Oldboy (2003).

Clips from: Oldboy (2013), Oldboy (2003)[*in Korean] & Andy Williams

Put some booze in your morning coffee. Get kidnapped by your ex-wife. Smuggle a pregnant refugee up the coast of England. Call a policeman a fascist pig and break into a horrendous refugee camp because we have a woman about to give birth to the 1st child in nearly 2 decades. For Scott's 1st birthday month celebration recommendation he proudly recommends to you, Alfonso Cuaron's dystopian Sci-fi thriller, Children of Men (2006). 

Clips from: Children of Men, Universal Pictures & Some Guy In A Waistcoat.