On this Official Wed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Listeners calling each other freaks - not what we want to be known for.
2. The naysayer pew.
1. Just the entertainment the listeners are looking for.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Matt Hocking was our first loser of the year.
2. A late night toenail trimming service.
1. 10-69 now in progress.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Go rub some salve on your groin and come back after the news update.
2. Most of the flaming toilet paper was lost in the incident.
1. I didn't know Max Armstrong could dunk.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. I don't have any friends who are into the nudist lifestyle.
2. A trumpet stuck in his blowhole.
1. A wallet that feels you up.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Wrap your udders.
2. I didn't say anything about Dolly when the subject was - giant bras in cold weather.
1. Upload farts of your own.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. We're analyzing your bracket and it sucks.
2. How to wrap a porta potty in Saran Wrap.
1. Not a DJ was stirring
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. You're too stingy to give cookies to Santa.
2. Getting the stinkeye for the rest of her life.
1. Pooping in the bushes. (Which comes in as a #4 on the just in time foer breakfast rating system.
On this Official Weed and Clfif Podcast
3. Leave the plunging to the professionals.
2. I didn't have to throw my own self under the bus - everyone just knows it.
1. I'm not sucking on a trunk.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Spam and Oreo cookies.
2. Mistletoe is poop on a stick.
1. How far down the list for the coronavirus vaccine is a DJ?
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. It's been so long since I've touched my face.
2. I knew it was going to end up with poop.
1. Standing in the darkness - holding a shovel.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Giving everyone COVID in their stockings.
2. He beat the Browns - twice.
1. That fat, bearded, snot-licking Santa Claus hasn't seen me since.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Zero is not a large number.
2. He just woke up and he's not 100 percent listening.
1. That stuff tastes like Reindeer Pee.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. She has people tickle you.
2. A headlight from an alien spacecraft.
1. Paperwork with a judge's signature on it.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Bourbon - and I wear a size large.
2. I'm fighting beavers off.
1. I have ban authority - and I ain't afraid to use it.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. No such thing as a snow day.
2. They can hold one another's bagpipes.
1. If you're wearing a skirt, you shouldn't be sitting like that.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Why are you warming up your Twinkie?
2. The golf club of justice.
1. I want him in kilt. (and we don't want to see him out of kilt either).
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. We're not touching any more.
2. The comfort of her own toilet.
1. I think there's plenty of people listening every morning who'd line up to shoot you.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Nobody listens to the little Leprechaun McCraken anyway.
2. The wisdom of building a snow park in Florida.
1. Inappropriately cooking in my kitchen.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. You popped your left butt-cheek.
2. The 3rd bam.
2. He had to call a press conference to tell everyone he farted.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. A weird meat gift.
2. Your shoe is permanently attached to the vacuum.
1. Uranus has taken quite the pounding.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. The only way I would be around carrots.
2. The breast friend ever to the human race.
1. Let's pretend the bus just hit me.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Not saying my phone came from prison.
2. The cause was the colon.
1. You didn't know the way to the principal's office, and you ended up in Haubstadt.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Either ear triggers his right leg.
2. Stick my finger in the hole and make a connection.
1. He set his wife's underwear on fire.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Less Armlength.
2. Monday morning we'll be lighting the skunk candle.
1. We're pretty well used to dying any day of the week.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. We're gonna have Weed continue to come up with contests - no matter how lame they might be.
2. Jack Daniels is not known for giving good advice.
1. The origami club has folded.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. You gotta clamp and then rotate.
2. Factory refurbished.
1. Have you ever stuck your finger in a mole-hole?
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. They shaved Colonel Sanders.
2. Polar bears scream when they poop.
1. Eventually you're going to get a callus from it being rubbed on all the time.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. I've tried to keep the whittling a secret.
2. Leaving a porta-potty in flames after a trip to Taco Bell.
1. All the good ideas are leaking on your pillowcase.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Your naked grandparents.
2. Using technology to determine who's silent but deadly.
1. We're not popular with monkeys.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Drink the runaway booze.
2. I've had hangnails more interesting.
1. Expectations are low - just like this program.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Little boy language.
2. Don't buy the firework called 'The Mangler' - even if it has the Easy-Grip handle.
1. If we raise $200,000 I will gladly go away.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Give you a full windup.
2. My cholesterol was so high Crisco sued me.
1. The Phil McCracken Marching Bagpipe Band.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. They're trying to whack me with a stick.
2. Much better when we're inaccurate.
1. All the rag arms will stay home.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. His real name is Moran.
2. My pole is too short for the box.
1. I don't want to make Phil mad for using his private line.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Phil McKcracken is not Cliff Ingram.
2. I'm stuck in traffic with diarrhea.
1. Despite his mental setbacks, he sees himself as intelligent.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Enough hair on her back to weave a Navajo Rug.
2. Looking for prostate cancer a bit too aggressively.
1. No opinion should be expressed by dropping your pants and urinating on the front door.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Impersonating a chicken nugget without a license.
2. I love the smell of urinal cakes.
1. Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Seeing Phil McKracken behind my back.
2. I need a new butt.
1. You're either going to play dead, or you're going to be dead.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. A hypnotic suggestion that left weed bent over with his pants around his ankles in the control room.
2. A big handful of poop.
1. A free prostate exam.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Sit on the toilet to put on your underwear.
2. It didn't to towards the prostate.
1. Change your name to Lazy Boy.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Put the donuts down and get back to work.
2. The turtle can breathe out its butt.
1. I would not like to be the last guy sucking on that.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. English Beavers.
2. When did Phil McCracken get access to the server room.
1. Don't drink the water from Pee Pee Creek.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. When I check my dipstick it smells good.
2. Mom fixed it with Grey Poupon.
1. Some of the prizes I wouldn't have taken any way.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. The difference between country squirrels and city squirrels
2. Does a bear actually do that in the woods?
1. I'm not going to exercise but I will heavy breathe.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Have you ever had lube in your ear?
2. A smoldering pile of crap.
1. We've upped our our safety standards - so up yours too.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3 The forgotten weapon.
2. I tried it one time - just to see what it felt like (wink, wink).
1. A poop with eyes.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. I don't know why you'd put racing stripes on a 3 cylinder vehicle.
2. 863 pounds of marijuana.
1. Go home and rub some salve on it.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. All leprechauns are potheads
2. Beans, Beans, the Magical Fruit
1. If you wanna smell like a lady, you're not the man I thought you were.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Not knowing some things is a better way to go through life.
2. Pooped in a dishwasher.
1. This is one of the dumbest damn things I've ever seen in my life.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Misinterpreted the actions of the ladies.
2. Chocolate for a poop issue.
1. I don't know what I'm going to do without you - but I'm going to try.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Sheets actually come off the bed.
2. Poop - is there anything it can't do?
1. Do-si-do doesn't do it for me.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. There's a chicken in your piano.
2. A Lamborghini for corn.
1. Guns and Feces - a good name for a rock band.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. If you weight two tons, you're a heavy eater.
2. Charm a snake like Phil McKracken.
1. I've gotta go - I've got a nickel stuck in my nostril.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. I don't know if I sleep with my mouth that wide open.
2. A shortage of fruit.
1. I'm going to have downspouts installed on my butt.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. You don't really know where those fingers have been.
2. Smelling sweaty people's butt cracks.
1. I was the valedictorian of my high school class.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. A pepperoni shortage.
2. Candy on my Chest. (Could be the name of a good country song.)
1. There's a urinal in Fort Branch.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. It's snowing chocolate.
2. Loading up guns and pointing the at their private parts.
1. Born to be wild - but not for a hundred years.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Booze idea.
2. My good friends Mountain Dew.
1. Who knew that calling someone a loser would be a good thing?
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast.
3. I knew of Captain Underpants.
2. The poop could be the least of your worries.
1. By accident, you actually created good radio.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. A tapeworm brain.
2. Some mornings I'm not in control of what I'm doing.
1. If things go bad it's best to just not talk about them.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Not a puppy love.
2. Swimming in the waters of Lake Titicaca.
1. A naked foot pursuit involving Blake Shelton.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. By November, we'll have aliens here.
2. You injured yourself on a riding lawn mower.
1. I know most people are dumb.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Let's all keep clothed.
2. I have never tried to round up cows.
1. A small tattoo will look big on short arms.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. I won't have any clean laundry
2. 35 reasons why you may get into a fight at Walmart.
1. You actually have the opportunity for the moth to go down in flames.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Telling a lie with a straight voice.
2. Go jiggle the handle.
1. I'm pretty sure someone made a movie about this - and everyone dies.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Who's tongue has been on this?
2. Let's go number 2! (Thanks to Chris Johnson from Owensville for that)
1. Punishment from Madonna.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Racing stripes. A spoiler. And rust.
2. Pooped in their bed.
1. Don't bend over while the door's still open.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. A pincher on my right hand.
2. Measuring the pressure in my butt.
1. Dolly Parton never made an x-rated movie.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. My new mask will be a pair of underwear.
2. Posting pictures of your fecal matter.
1. I'm here for a reason, even if I'm not all here.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Focus on duck hunting.
2. A connection with the singer of a horrible song.
1. Work on your boasting skills.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast>
3. Picking their nose while driving.
2. In the demolition business - accidentally.
1. Praying to the Ancient Roman God - Freon.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. I could use a good tickling.
2. I haven't had my worm in the water in years.
1. In order to think like a fish, you have to drink like a fish.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Sticking your fingers in holes where everyone else has had their fingers.
2. VP of Fecal Matters.
1. Too aggressive while kissing.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. What was Angie doing in the men's room?
2. I used to sing in the church choir.
1. Don't microwave your library books.
Special thanks today to Dakota Weiss of Fort Branch for saying stuff on the radio we can't say.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Cut it large, kick it into place.
2. Vibrating your pimples away.
1. You could get Walter's name tattooed on your butt.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Uncontrollable drooling.
2. Yep, that's poop. (Always gonna be #2)
1. What's the point of booing if nobody can hear you?
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Rear Flank Downdraft.
2. Hitting the homemade wine a little too hard.
1. Don't share the toilet - go one person at a time.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Look manly, especially when you're wearing a bra.
2. Win a free planet.
1. I swear I did not fall on the carpet.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Standing as a grown man, pulling.
2. It's got a 7 inch turd in it.
1. If you lick them, you're going to be dead.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Ben Dover - not how you want to introduce yourself to a cellmate.
2. Talking through a bacon mask.
1. If they say it's not a scam, it's a scam.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Pooped on the hood of her car.
2. Your shirt is getting stuck in your belly fat.
1. We're experts, just not very good at it.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Blowing a bagpipe - a national sport.
2. Use a sharpie and put your initials on your balls.
1. How can you play baseball without spitting?
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Cement and pigeon poop.
2. I've always had a thing about mannequins.
1. I'm about 6 weeks away from being elderly.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Shaved his dalmation.
2. Turn stale and square at the same time.
1. Happier than a murder hornet with two stingers.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. We test your knowledge of coathangers.
2. Someone got a colonoscopy in the men's room at Country 98.1
1. We're gonna need a ball sponsor.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Cliff would have been in jail.
2. Watching dirt being made.
1. More people than ever before are turning us off sooner.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. An industrial sized can of cheese balls.
2. National pooper-scooper week.
1. Willing to take it in the face.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. What an Abe Lincoln sandwich would taste like.
2. If you put your tongue on it.
1. I've seen a jackass in a meeting at work.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. I liked your licking.
2. A bunch of brow-beating.
1. I'll let you burn a pair of my sweatpants, as long as I'm not in them.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Scraping my undercarriage.
2. It appeared to be a salad.
1. If everyone has to listen to wake me up before you go go - that's just tough titty.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. The children you are now humiliating will eventually be the ones to choose which nursing home you go to.
2. I only washed my hands for 19 seconds.
1. There are places on your body where you don't want potato chip crumbs.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. There could be a mouse in our refrigerator.
2. Chunky, but not very tasty.
1. Social distance like Matt Hocking - be so irritating no one wants to be around you.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. The next time you injure yourself.
2. The Easter Bunny had a fling with a chicken.
1. Thong underwear - made for things to hang out of.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Wandering up on the naked.
2. The words pooper and scooper actually do rhyme.
1. A co-worker asked my when my baby was due.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Sticky and slippery at the same time.
2. Avoid farting naked around other people.
1. Deodorant is an essential service.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Rick and Dick in the morning.
2. All of this stuff used to be money.
1. What weird stuff do you do with Kool Whip.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. It's hard to do things with something that big.
2. This too shall pass.
1. In West Virginia there is no need to social distance yourself from your sister.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. What's so complicated about Matt Hocking's bathroom?
2. Bowling goes on.
1. Cliff uses the word bloviate in a sentence.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. A tongue tazer.
2. I've got a big drill in my pants.
1. Does anyone want go to go the bathroom because they WANT to?
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Anything in a tube (is pretty exciting).
2. 4 patties of animal.
1. Overdraft my checking account - buying toilet paper.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Somewhere between monkey and gerbil.
2. Pepper spray - better than Axe.
1. The weirdest make-out place you'll ever be in.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. The future is now - if not sooner.
2. That's how the cornfield caught on fire.
1. The future is now. If not sooner.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Go wet that thing down.
2. Behind on my haircuts.
1. It's a long way to the moon, you gotta have something to play with.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Take a look at how big it is.
2. Guillotine - really bad for you.
1. What my face looks like with a snake in my pants.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Make it a little bit bigger.
2. Go woof woof woof.
1. Bathroom malodor - established by a federal government standard.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Wearing a lot of stuff from the 70's.
2. Can you get me a date with your sister?
1. We got to talking about how hard it was.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Peeing on the sidewalk in Alabama.
2. I'll take famous authors for $1,000.
1. Things seem a lot faster now than they did last week.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Cutting the cheese - when it's chunky.
2. The piece of tongue was recovered by police.
1. A groundhog omelet.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Competitive cake eating.
2. You can't catch the Corona Virus from Corona beer.
1. Resting on the laurels of my tongue.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Driving the Nut-Mobile.
2. Someone at the library is going to have to cut the cheese.
1. Testing the limits of liability insurance.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
1. Failing to plan just means you have planned to fail.
2. Why am a miserable failure.
3. A nickname you don't want in prison.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
1. Heavy on the herbs.
2. Disconnect his private parts from his body.
3. It took me 7 days to find the restroom.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
Illinois - smoking it faster than it can be grown.
Explaining the Preparation H taste in your mouth.
Battery-powered long underwear.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
The hangover you get from not drinking.
I would be cool if I had a transgression.
Some beer I'd like to un-drink.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
How you get lotion in your nose.
Where never to put any body parts.
Reindeer can't walk and pee at the same time.