The Notorious MFT

Welcome to TNMFT! In today's episode, we delve into the complex terrain of dysfunctional family relationships. From strained communication to unresolved conflicts, we'll explore the various facets that characterize dysfunction within families. Join me as we navigate the challenges, shed light on common patterns, and discuss things to look out for within the family unit. Stay tuned for insights and real-life anecdotes that shed light on this often intricate and sensitive topic.

Exercise

"Just for fun, try the following experiment: Fold your hands across your chest, and then observe the position of your hands. Some people fold the left hand over the right, and others the reverse. After noting how you do it, unfold your hands. Now fold them again, but this time in the opposite way that is, if you normally put your right hand over your left, put your left hand over your right. You will probably notice how awkward this feels. The old way is normal and relaxing the new way may seem strange, and you may feel you could never relax in this position. If a simple change in the position of your hands is so uncomfortable, just think how uncomfortable it is to change part of your behavior or lifestyle."

A J Twerski

Explore the profound impact of generational trauma in this episode, delving into how experiences and hardships can be transmitted across generations, shaping individuals and communities alike. Uncover the complexities of this phenomenon and its far-reaching implications on mental health, relationships, and societal structures.

Our families of origin (our parents and siblings) are understood to lay the foundation for our cognitive, affective, and emotional development. Families are the very first group to which we belong, they are where we learn how to relate (or not relate) to other people, where we learn to manage conflict, and where we develop patterns of behavior. Of course there are other factors that influence our development, but there is no impact quite like our family leaves. Think about it.... our families began long before we are born and will continue long after we leave this earth. Families at their best have the potential to bring us great joy in our lives but families at their worst can also bring pain unlike any other. Family of origin exploration which refers to examining our relationships with our family members, can provide incredibly useful insight into family patterns and processes. All families have developed and passed down unhelpful patterns. The work lies in learning how to recognize certain processes that might need some adjusting in order to build stronger and closer relationships with our loved ones. Relationships that are built on authenticity and a good balance of togetherness and individuality.

Rock climbing is an activity where participants climb up, down or traverse natural rocks or artificial rock walls.   The goal is to reach the summit or the anchors of a route without falling. As we navigate the world in 2022, we too climb up and down across all "surfaces" and "walls". Our summit looks differently from person to person so at times we need the proper support to climb over the top.

The person who pulls in the slack as you progress (and holds the rope if you fall) is your “belayer.” Whitney's therapeutic belaying is a critical role, as your guide, she will support you as you "Top Out" on your climb.

Whitney works with young adults struggling with anxiety, depression, trauma, and addiction. She practices cognitive behavioral therapy through a trauma-informed lens. Utilizing mindfulness and EMDR, I help individuals rediscover their strengths and reclaim their life. Whitney adds a special component to her repertoire of therapeutic interventions. Listen as she describes how Rock Climbing saved her life and how it has expanded her therapeutic approach. 

It's normal to feel nervous in some social situations. For example, going on a date or giving a presentation may cause that feeling of butterflies in your stomach. But in social anxiety disorder, also called social phobia, everyday interactions cause significant anxiety, fear, self-consciousness and embarrassment because you fear being scrutinized or judged by others.

In social anxiety disorder, fear and anxiety lead to avoidance that can disrupt your life. Severe stress can affect your daily routine, work, school or other activities.

Signs and symptoms of social anxiety disorder can include persistent:

• Fear of situations in which you may be judged
• Worrying about embarrassing or humiliating yourself
• Intense fear of interacting or talking with strangers
• Fear that others will notice that you look anxious
• Fear of physical symptoms that may cause you embarrassment, such as blushing, sweating, trembling or having a shaky voice
• Avoiding doing things or speaking to people out of fear of embarrassment
• Avoiding situations where you might be the center of attention
• Having anxiety in anticipation of a feared activity or event
• Enduring a social situation with intense fear or anxiety
• Spending time after a social situation analyzing your performance and identifying flaws in your interactions
• Expecting the worst possible consequences from a negative experience during a social situation

Physical signs and symptoms can sometimes accompany social anxiety disorder and may include:

• Blushing
• Fast heartbeat
• Trembling
• Sweating
• Upset stomach or nausea
• Trouble catching your breath
• Dizziness or lightheadedness
• Feeling that your mind has gone blank
• Muscle tension

Common, everyday experiences that may be hard to endure when you have social anxiety disorder include, for example:

• Interacting with unfamiliar people or strangers
• Attending parties or social gatherings
• Going to work or school
• Starting conversations
• Making eye contact
• Dating
• Entering a room in which people are already seated
• Returning items to a store
• Eating in front of others
• Using a public restroom

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/social-anxiety-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20353561

Experiencing occasional anxiety is a normal part of life. However, people with anxiety disorders frequently have intense, excessive and persistent worry and fear about everyday situations. Often, anxiety disorders involve repeated episodes of sudden feelings of intense anxiety and fear or terror that reach a peak within minutes (panic attacks).

These feelings of anxiety and panic interfere with daily activities, are difficult to control, are out of proportion to the actual danger and can last a long time. You may avoid places or situations to prevent these feelings. Symptoms may start during childhood or the teen years and continue into adulthood.

Examples of anxiety disorders include generalized anxiety disorder, social anxiety disorder (social phobia), specific phobias and separation anxiety disorder. You can have more than one anxiety disorder. Sometimes anxiety results from a medical condition that needs treatment

If you answer yes to the following then you may need to work on your breathing skills to support the management of your anxiety: 

You breath more than 10-12 breathes per minute 

Your chest sometimes feels over-expanded or too tight 

You or others have noticed you sigh or yawn quite a bit 

You often gasp or take deep breaths, especially in situations that make you anxious 

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/anxiety/symptoms-causes/syc-20350961 

There are some common barriers that may prevent you from taking care of you:  1) You may be defining it in a way that doesn't work for you. 2) You may think that taking care of yourself first means you're being selfish.  3) You may think it's an extravagant experience that's out of reach. 4) You may not know when you need to apply/implement self care. 

Resources:  https://www.nami.org/getattachment/Extranet/Education,-Training-and-Outreach-Programs/Signature-Classes/NAMI-Homefront/HF-Additional-Resources/HF15AR6SelfCare.pdf