from ABC NEWS FLORIDA: "Mother charged after 3-year-old son nearly drowns in Florida hot tub."
Deborah from Daytona Beach wants you to know that she's genuinely sad about that kid nearly drowning; but in all honesty, her daughter has a much better shot at snagging Little Miss Sunshine now that that kid is off the stage. Caleb and Jess take the opportunity to free dive into Pageantmomland, Jess revels in the laurels of her time as a baby model and introduces us to a racist crow from the Wizard of Oz; then we learn about American Idol's SYMPHONY HOWLETT and her family's belly dancing parties that Jess apparently frequented as a teenager, and Caleb wonders out-loud about what the party scene must be like behind the dumpster at Miami's Hot Wheels, birthplace of the Quad City DJ's. Also, New World School of the Arts does, in fact, have a football team (maybe); they are the NWSA Pigeons. Or the Burger-Flippers. It depends on who you ask.
from the MIAMI HERALD: "‘Do not warm urine.’ Florida gas station warns people not to put pee in the microwave."
Stanko really doesn't want you to heat up your piss in his microwave. So please stop. Jess and Caleb reveal the secret ingredient in Red Bull and try to pinpoint what gives gas station convenience stores that distinctive "murder hut" smell. Then Caleb declares his love for all things Eastern Europe, Danish astronomer Tycho Brahe makes a cameo, and the WPOE crew sing the praises of the Florida band keeping Death Metal alive, Panama City's CANNABYSS.
from MIAMI NEW TIMES: "Miami Social Media 'Influencer' Arrested on Money-Laundering Charges"
Manuela is not happy about her lambos being impounded. All three of them. But her followers are up, and her new lawyer might catch her a break; so all's good in the land of Instagram. Also, Caleb and Jess somehow make a Judd Nelson connection, momentarily fall down a Breakfast Club hole, deep dive into Instagram Feminism and accidental cultural appropriation, and then tie it all together with all things LA GOONY CHONGA.
from ACTION NEWS JAX: "Florida man battered boyfriend with Billy Bass fish"
Derrick really hated that singing fish. Caleb and Jess try to figure out why and go on a trip with Big Mouth Billy Bass through the troubled corridors of post-capitalist television and into the realm of ancient Babylonian revenge gods. Then they talk about fishing. And Morrissey. Music by Miami's premiere Smith's cover-band, Ordinary Boys.
from WFLA: "Key Largo couple steals motorized shopping cart from Walmart, drives to bar."
Meet Angelyne. She loves horses, and she loves her man; but she loves Fireball most of all. Caleb and Jess talk about the joy and destruction of Florida binge drinking, underage clubbing, and the feeling you get when you hear a reggae band play a cover of your favorite 80's hit while binging on Fireball in a tiki bar. Music by The Supervillians.
from Miami Herald: "Security Officer Fired For Uploading His Farts To Instagram."
Doug the security guard tells his side of the story; Caleb and Jess talk all things Florida, all things flatulent, and introduce the non-polka-loving world to the bombastic sounds of the Europa Band.