You Are Being Unreasonable
By You Are Being Unreasonable
A podcast about people being unreasonable on the internet. Specifically on Mumsnet.com's AIBU forum.
Our theme song is 'I Feel Fantastic' by Jonathan Coulton from the album 'Our Bodies, Ourselves, Our Cybernetic Arms' (2005) which is licensed under a CC BY-NC 3.0 license.
Our theme song is 'I Feel Fantastic' by Jonathan Coulton from the album 'Our Bodies, Ourselves, Our Cybernetic Arms' (2005) which is licensed under a CC BY-NC 3.0 license.
106 - The end
An announcement about the future of the You Are Being Unreasonable podcast.
October 16, 2021
105 - The Last Will and Testament of Simon Bowie
"It would be hard to patronise a bear." Diving once again into the most horrid spaces on the British internet as we explore what people are talking about this week. We get into British people describing food as 'Moorish', banging around the word 'lush' too much these days, repeating people's names to sound patronising, odd quirks (mostly related to eating frozen food), defining 'family' in order to pass on jewellery and Ikea furniture, and we meet someone shitted off at people saying their name in a private hospital in Australia. Note that this podcast episode also doubles as Simon's will and by listening to it, you are witnessing it for him. This is legal and real.
August 12, 2021
104 - Phone-stealing cats and the net worth of Julius Pringles
"Nationalise Tebay, I say." More keen insights into Mumsnet and Reddit's /r/AskUK. This week, we discuss dramatising stories by adding 30 minutes to time periods, what to do if a cat steals your phone, some Randian nonsense about collective responsibility, "trying" to keep in touch, and we discuss the personality and net worth of the Pringles mascot.
July 29, 2021
103 - Online dating PowerPoints and dogs with smaller dogs as pets
"If you go home with someone at the end of the night and they don't do the voices when they read you The Hobbit, don't fuck them." This week's word of the week is 'petty' so look forward to all the pettiness in this episode. We cover a lot of birthday card interactions around thanking card-givers or not writing names in cards; whether online dating should require video and reading from a script; and how to deal with a grifting little boy holding your dog hostage. Somehow this all involves saying please to an app, clapping someone getting up, dogs with smaller dogs as pets, and dating with PowerPoint presentations.
July 15, 2021
102 - Pants on a washing line and gentle reminders to use verbs
"One Mumsnet, one podcast." We're united in our love of odd web forums and back to discuss more unreasonableness. This week: appending 'Gently...' to a sentence to make it more, well, gentle; sending literal children to work; sleeping through your leaving announcement at work; what to put on your washing line when you have a barbecue; cancelling the flights of someone using your email address; and a lot of discussion about how sentences need both verbs and appropriate punctuation.
June 24, 2021
101 - Jostling the car at a petrol station and a journey to The Magical Cavern
CONTENT WARNING: This episode includes discussion of eugenics, forced sterilisation, the Holocaust, and child abuse. It's all contained in the discussion of the fourth thread from 24:50 to 30:12. "Believe it or not, it's Mr. Bean." Delving back into the Room 101 of Mumsnet to dig up the most unreasonable and frankly immoral threads on the AIBU board. What if your partner tells you that they're not your friend? What places in the world give you the weirdest, most immaculate vibes? Should you charge your partner rent or charge for the "wear and tear" of the white goods? Should you move in the car at a petrol station or will that cause petrol to spill? And is it immoral (yes) to force the sterilisation (yes) of someone who "doesn't deserve" to have a child (yes)?
June 10, 2021
100 - Steamed badger and piss walls
"So she's sending her kids into the woods somewhere..." 100 episodes! We're celebrating with a trip to the Mumsnet Classics board and a journey beyond Mumsnet to look at the wide world of UK forum-posting. On this very special episode, we meet the Penetration Man and ask about reasons for dumping someone, we discuss builders' drinking fifty-one cups of tea and not going to the toilet, we meet an unhoused father gives his children badger meat for lunch, and discuss cancelling dinosaurs for their lack of conservative family values.
May 13, 2021
099 - Thicc hobbits on the beach and opening crisp packets upside-down
"Big jeans for Tik Tok teens." As we hurtle towards our 100th episode, a moment of reflection with some corrections to previous episodes. We also discuss: How does one go to the beach? How does one do beach? And what would a hobbit wear at the beach? What happens when you open a crisp packet upside-down? Is opening crisp packets the best way to come out as LGBT? Are there any women out there without imposter syndrome? And what to do with old pound coins that aren't LEGAL TENDER.
April 29, 2021
098 - Stealing cakes from robots and catfishing by wearing clown make-up
"AIBU to think that maybe my husband is lost in the great abyss of his unending need to be validated?" We're back to provide our commentary on the strangest Mumsnet AIBU threads of the last couple of weeks. This episode, we discuss how to congratulate a husband who can't get enough of that sweet sweet validation, worrying about stealing a cake from a supermarket self-checkout, how people manage to live without bookshelves and what is the worst single book that someone could have, and the frankly terrible take that wearing make-up is a form of catfishing.
April 15, 2021
097 - Forced perspective counterfeit furniture and mentors stealing our jobs
"Pizza. Cheese on toast. Magnums." Like the mighty Ever Given, we are refloated and are making our way safely down the Suez Canal of Mumsnet. This week, we ask: Is it unreasonable for an enterprising mentor to get a job that their mentee went for? Should you email the company that a scam artist works for? What three foods would you eat for the rest of your life? And we discover Mumsnet's surprising response to discussions of the role of the police.
April 01, 2021
096 - Misremembering Vimto as 'Vimpto' and the strangest job application process
"Where did the Stacys go?" Enjoy this episode of You Are Being Unreasonable... or else. This week we ask if '... or else' is a fun, flirty thing to text or a weird threat, whether you need to tell people where you work as part of a job application, whether people who have been furloughed need to be more productive when they return to work, and we discuss the Mandela Effect, a term which should refer to being a revolutionary anti-racism activist and pioneering reconciliatory statesman but actually refers to slightly misremembering trivial things.
March 18, 2021
095 - Hyper-capitalist predatory alphas and platonic cuddle-friends
"CAKE UP, MUMMY!" We're pleased to outline the roadmap for easing restrictions on this podcast. Soon you'll be able to listen to this podcast outside with one other person. This episode, we thoroughly roast those hyper-capitalist predatory 20 year-olds who are invariably business coaches, recruitment agents, or estate agents. Is it unreasonable to object to a builder taking a fireplace (after you've told them to take it)? What about objecting to work making you walk 1000 steps a day? Is it unreasonable to take a neighbour as a platonic cuddle-friend? Or to stop asking neighbours to keep meowing out the window? References: The redecorated globe: https://twitter.com/leemc87/status/1365059611288559617 Northern Independence Party angry at a parasitic landlord: https://twitter.com/FreeNorthNow/status/1364909811746414592
March 04, 2021
094 - Zooming with a 70 year-old beagle and spotting penises in the background
"Opening a big coat and it's just full of dog collars." Everyone is mad at runners and Mumsnet is folding in on itself by discussing GETTING RID OF THE AIBU BOARD. Our livelihood! This week a friend is accused of being beloved Peanuts character, Snoopy, during Zoom and Microsoft Teams meetings, nights out with as the only woman in a man-dominated workplace, how to deal with stray penises in friends' photos, a radical suggestion to remove AIBU and restructure Mumsnet entirely into thematic categories, and Simon is offering church offices and roles for money. So Simony.
February 19, 2021
093 - Very special brain geniuses and online gynecology courses
"The pedagogical approach for postgraduates is INSTANT FEEDBACK." We're still in lockdown and Mumsnet has as little good chat as we do. But we struggle on and discuss taking a fancy little three year-old to a pre-deputante ball at the Ritz, being complimented on one's "very nice vagina", tips on how to bag a wealthy man while avoiding all discussion of structural inequality, and Simon gets angry about fees discourse in UK Higher Education. Again.
February 04, 2021
092 - Shopping basket etiquette and mysterious marital essays
"Serving poutine for six out of a shopping basket." Join us as we explore the last social media site that hasn't banned Donald J. Trump and answer more Am I Being Unreasonable questions. Are we allowed to remove shopping baskets from supermarkets or not? Where have all the walkers in my Wicker Man-esque folk horror village come from? How much cheese does the McDonald's Filet-O-Fish come with and how much would Jon Bon Jovi want on his Filet-O-Fish? Is this mysterious essay in an envelope evidence of a husband's sordid affair? We end the episode with this classic mystery and, in a surprising turn of events, actually solve it!
January 21, 2021
091 - Information-delivery musicals and bringing back the clap
"And what are you?" New year, new You Are Being Unreasonable. Mumsnet AIBU are struggling with an excess of weirdness this year and we investigate this madness with a general review of the state of Mumsnet's AIBU board in 2021. We also discuss defining people entirely by their function to capital, whether musicals are the most efficient information-delivery mechanism that there is, and a couple of Mumsnet ideas to deal with coronavirus in the UK: more clapping and/or full communism.
January 07, 2021
090 - Christmas Hell-dimensions and shoeboxes full of Fabergé eggs
"I agree. But not with a lot of passion." A Christmas Eve spectactular! Join us as we dive into Christmas Mumsnet and discuss the lack of realism of flying reindeers, paying Dr. Christmas to decorate your house for the holidays and the 2018 masterpiece, CHRISTMAS MADE TO ORDER, Christmas "virtue signalling" and propping up charities through shoeboxes, putting Christmas jammies into a Christmas Room 101 Hell-dimension, and our holiday gift guide for 30 year-old vegan hipster men.
December 24, 2020
089 - Meet the number one buyer of passata in the UK
"Why do people always start with peas?!" Our not-quite Christmas episode! Among the many non-Christmas related threads we discuss this week, we worry about our increasing reliance on vaccines (without actually knowing what vaccines are) and discuss hot bread injections, a partner describes his mother as an artist despite her having no creative outlet, Sainsbury's rank us based on how much passata we buy and we discuss our ASMR of boiling passata, and some manager tries to trick us into talking about dossing while working-from-home. You can't fool us, Manager!
December 10, 2020
088 - A Christmas fight club, jizz on a mirror, and closely guarded secret supermarket buys
"I think the workers should seize the means of production: the office kettle." Secrets abound this week as we share our exciting and closely guarded secret supermarket buys. Why not share your closely guarded secret supermarket buys with us on Twitter? Lord knows there's nothing else to do. We also determine whose kimchi is whose and becoming the best wife in the world, look at the intelligence-measuring properties of quiz shows and changing the IQ test to a Frasier-based test, examine the yawning gap between labour and capital as expressed through the prism of the office kitchen, and we think about the radio call-in energy of mindless questions about closely guarded secret supermarket buys.
November 26, 2020
087 - In which we ask you to post cash through the letterbox, no worries if not
"It's important that I keep my blood-cocaine levels up because I'm breastfeeding this '80s child." People on Mumsnet are so different to the people we know in real life. This is entirely a good thing as we discover as we dive into the site again. This week, we discuss a husband complaining about creamy garlicky pasta bakes because he'd prefer to scoff Maccies and burning a curry so much it turns into a kebab, or someone rounding up their age, how people on Mumsnet are nothing like any of the people in real life, the meaning of the phrase "up for grabs" and encouraging people to drop cash through the letterbox, rounding up ages and enjoying a Jesus-themed birthday party at 33, and we meet Mumsnet's new mascot, the Mumsnet Chicken.
November 12, 2020
086 - In which we send people back to the end of the Fussy Queue and reboot Frasier so he's a club DJ
"Eat kale to keep hale." Get in an autumnal cocoon in your baby-seal room with the latest You Are Being Unreasonable episode. This week, we address unreasonable questions and rushing through niche references to ask: Is it unreasonable for a teacher to give a pupil a bag of kale, nature's gag prize? How long should we expect to keep expensive chairs like the ones in Frasier's expansive apartment? Should people ordering fancy coffees be required to stand in the Fussy Queue? And we relitigate Bridget Jones' lean-in feminism *checks notes* 24 years too late.
October 29, 2020
085 - In which we stockpile cotton buds to create a speakeasy of banned hygiene products
"The vast spectrum from Coldplay to Ed Sheeran." We all love music, rummaging in our ears for wax, and accumulating cultural capital so we discuss those and other issues of the day. This week, we cover the suggested age ranges of the various BBC Radio stations and what age you should be to enjoy BBC Radio 1, the avant-garde radio plays that Liza Tarbuck puts on on BBC Radio 2, a boss telling his employee excessively and loudly about his DARLING WIFE, stockpiling plastic cotton buds to "rummage in the ear for wax, some new charitable campaigns and the podcast-in-a-podcast, Simon's Tweet Review.
October 15, 2020
084 - In which we téléphone á la police
"Rule two: put terrorists... in the bin." Autumn's here! We can really start dressing and we can get into some more Mumsnet threads. This week: paying for things that are later made available for free and telephoning la police; teaching primary school children about 'cancelling' Woody Allen and Roman Polanski; The Fickle Spiteful Gran falling out with her grandchildren and throwing away all their presents; accidentally messaging ex-boyfriends and the WhatsApp Gif Challenge; and depositing hundreds of birds in the bank.
October 01, 2020
083 - In which we dress as a sexy bao bun
"About once a month, they talk about Gordon Brown and some bigoted woman and no-one knows why." We're taking Alan Sugar's advice this week and getting back to the office. Fortunately our workplace is this podcast and, unlike every other podcast, it's not excruciatingly dull. This week: we take a sweeping look at the limits of the podcast as a medium; we don't tell our colleagues about our lives, our involvement in fight clubs and studying at The Secret University; we dress up for the postman and expose the Obvious Boob; we dress up for Lord Sugar and expose the writing team behind his terrible puns on The Apprentice.
September 17, 2020
082 - In which creepy dolls work to reduce the stigma of HIV/AIDS
"I'm adamant that Tom Hanks, James Belushi, and Bill Murray are the same people." Conspiracy theories and creepy dolls in this week's episode as we uncover some shocking truths about beloved American actors. This week, we discuss stacked 'speak to the manager' bobs that you can go out with, what to do with creepy dolls and how to kickstart a horror franchise with Mabel and Mabel 2: The Daughtening, which conspiracy theories Mumsnetters think hold some weight largely those to do with Princess Diana, 9/11, Jeffrey Epstein, and Boris Johnson's baby (not one big conspiracy theory), and whether you should put a photo of yourself on your CV alongside your "extensive Microsoft Office skills".
September 03, 2020
081 - In which landlords steal shoes and Bran Stark is a messy bitch who lives for drama
"It's All Gravy Baby... Or Is It?" Another episode of our The Apprentice / Game of Thrones mash-up podcast, Nuggs of Wisdom. Is it unreasonable for landlords to kick fellow human beings out of their homes during an international health crisis? Is building a kickass Wild West town in The Sims 4 nerdy? Why is everyone on Mumsnet so DRAMATIC?! We also run some new features: Mumsnet ASMR and another 'is gravy OK with this specific food?' thread.
August 20, 2020
080 - In which we tax the robots and uncover a counterfeit children's books market
"I need to know if Gigolo Joe ejaculates." The Mumsnetters have some funny ideas this week about an underground counterfeit children's books market and taxing robots rather than, say, human billionaires. We'll give all these ideas the attention they deserve as well as discussing social distancing from the Edinburgh Tattoo, whether Spielberg's sex-worker robots ejaculate, how Kafka tried and failed to cancel himself, using eugenics and IQ for dating, and we discover that rarest of things, a Mumsnet thread with no replies from anyone.
August 06, 2020
079 - In which Jamie Oliver has a big face and a wide tongue
"Are priests allowed to vote?" Some real Cronenbergian body horror in this episode as we discover a freethinker who avoids the 'rona by slithering along like a snake, a bathroom carpeted with hair, and Jamie Oliver's wide wide tongue. Very normal podcast. We get to these topics by discussing the difference between sliced bread and toast, a neighbour, a greedy apple-fiend, stealing apples, being a radical freethinker not like the rest of the sheeple, sweeteners in lemonade and which fictional British characters are shy Tories, and going to bed at Pimms o'clock.
July 23, 2020
078 - In which we name children after non-dead magicians
"Dressed as a glowstick dressed as a banana dressed as a bridesmaid." This episode is so vid-19. Some genuinely interesting questions this week as Mumsnetters ask why copyright dates on TV shows are shown in Roman numerals and we ask which magician's name is best for a child. Well, maybe that last one isn't so interesting. Among other things, this week we determine the best colour schemes for weddings this year and the best wedding theme, Bananas in Pyjamas, we invent a new incomprehensible system of British numerals to replace Arabic numerals, and we ask if it's reasonable to ask a whole village to be quiet so one person can have a lie-in.
July 09, 2020
077 - In which all skeletons are pretty much the same size
"Why can't you use a child's Doc Marten in lieu of a tampon?" This episode is, for some reason, for the dads out there. But please do feel free to listen if you're not a dad. This week, we talk about how we've all been let down by the UK education system w/r/t skeleton studies, teaching cursive handwriting to infants, the animal rights issues raised by Peppa Pig visiting a zoo, the VAT implications of having a child's frame, and interpersonal conflict on eBay over high-street brand clothing at low low prices.
June 25, 2020
076 - In which Timmy dresses a bad satsuma as Anne Boleyn
"What is your shower regime that is so cognitively challenging?" This week, we discuss the extreme variance in satsuma quality in this country and the epidemic of jazz apples among children, a puritanical husband who enjoys frugality, fish fingers, and beans, a smelly work colleague from seven years ago, and a Mumsnetter who has a great scheme to stop the spread of all viruses. We fully support the protests across the USA against white supremacist structures and police violence. If you can, please donate some money for protesters' bail (https://minnesotafreedomfund.org/donate) or for community groups fighting for the memory of murdered Black people (https://www.gofundme.com/f/georgefloyd). Black lives matter.
June 11, 2020
075 - In which we do a socially distanced Macarena and hurl Gratitude Pebbles at vulnerable elderly neighbours
"I mean, that's just what I would do if I were starting a campaign of hateful motivational rocks." We celebrate our second wedding anniversary: the podcast anniversary. As part of our celebrations, we discuss when it's appropriate to do the Macarena under the current circumstances and suggest that the UK Government do the Time Warp, we receive mysterious pebbles with sinister messages on them, we receive a huge box of clothes as gifts every single day and discuss if shoes are clothes, and we wear a truly monumental amount of underwear per day despite the fact that pants are not an infinite resource.
May 28, 2020
074 - In which robots scam neighbours into buying McDonald's and bees get in the nuggs
"Press 1 to buy some land." Which supernatural beings are crap? Vampires, for sure. We discuss whether vampires could get the 'rona as well as neighbours demanding money for a mysterious group-buy of McDonald's food, robots with long numbers running sophisticated phone scams about out-of-date chicken goujons, using this time (and massive privilege) to become self-sufficient, and Simon tries out a new tagline for the podcast.
May 14, 2020
073 - In which his Bombay potatoes are a joke and we forage for DVDs
"Why is there always a buffet at this workplace?" COVID-19 will surely lead to massive changes in the way we live in the future. Could it be the end of popping-round culture? Could it be the start of prank-calling culture? Can we wear gymwear on our weekly trip to the supermarket? Are we just going to start leaving our obsolete physical media out on the pavement? Will we start foraging for DVDs? We discuss these sweeping societal changes as well as what to do if your husband and his potatoes are an absolute joke? He's looking like a total clown at the work buffet.
May 07, 2020
You Are Being Unquizonable
This week there's a You Are Being Unreasonable quiz! Enter at https://tinyurl.com/yabuquiz
April 30, 2020
072 - In which we set our Zoom backgrounds at work to the things we fear the most
"There's no such site as Mumsnet." An episode of bold takes this week like 'there's no such site as Mumsnet', 'men do not exist', and 'frozen coleslaw is a thing that should be'. This week, we discuss which food-related words are too awful to mention and helpings of school dinners, we change our personalities along with our Mumsnet usernames, we strategically place pineapples for our Zoom meetings, we sing Enter Sandman with our neighbours for the carers, and Helen sends Simon to improv jail.
April 23, 2020
071 - In which we welcome our new alien overlords by performatively playing violins in the street
"Are German nipples the worst?" An Easter special! In which Easter is barely mentioned. This Easter live show was livestreamed on YouTube and you can watch the full unedited video at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r9TAU7DOf_E Instead of Easter, we discuss the creepy musical children next door, huge bums and the correct way to measure the size of bottoms, how the lockdown has us all saving money and how Gregg Wallace must be pleased about this, we wildly speculate about aliens (or maybe AI) arriving during lockdown, and we hear about Helen's plans for the Kesha jukebox musical.
April 16, 2020
070 - In which we clap for the soap opera actors
"Designated survivor, Ian Beale." We're organising clapping for Mumsnetters this week. We're clapping for everyone else in the country so why not Mumsnetters? Mumsnet is full on lockdown nowadays so we cover what counts as essential shopping and whether this includes two cucumbers, how soap operas should handle this global health crisis, how and when to name and shame your neighbours for failing to clap, and if anyone would like to have penises for arms.
April 09, 2020
069 - Nice
"Moral outrage: it's a big phrase for a little chilli." We're still in lockdown and we're all hoarding beans. Or Haribo Bears which can be used in place of beans in many recipes. We'll get into all that culinary sacrilege and also talk about websites where hunky priests discuss if they're being unreasonable, being a grow-your-own hipster mad at this new grow-your-owners during the global health crisis and learning what spaghetti is, changing usernames to prevent being outed as Mumsnetters and being no-filter, no-makeup kind of people, and we discover what 'Netflix and chill' means in front of important business clients.
April 02, 2020
068 - In which we read Ayn Rand's Willy Wonka and the Fountainhead
"A little ten-year old boy is desperate to go to a toilet paper conference." We're social distancing this week for our first online livestreamed show! If you want to see our faces, you can watch the whole unedited stream at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pviWRPj6wjU In this week's episode, we receive some strange tickets and estimate the cash value of the golden tickets in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, we teach Masterchef presenters about the proper use of pronouns and imagine a new BBC show, Mastergrammarians, we teach children which British politicians are suitable to sing 'Happy Birthday' to and discuss stockpiling washing-your-hands, and we hear about a dream starring an ex with profound implications about our current global situation.
March 26, 2020
067 - In which we go on a date with a catfish-dog and listen to cursed seashells
"Don't put yogs up your foof." Good news! We're temporarily moving to weekly You Are Being Unreasonable episodes to help provide some relief from... everything. In non-COVID-19 chat, we discuss "tricking" friends into eating vegan sausages and going on holiday with the Sausage Lads, dating dog-owners and dating Human Centipedes, when it is and is not right to throw something from a colleague's desk into the bin, what to do when you get spice in and around your "foof", and how comfortable we both are throwing shapes (?) on the dancefloor. This episode is accidentally brought to you by Richmond's Vegan Sausages and The Amazing World of Gumball on Cartoon Network.
March 19, 2020
066 - In which we eat salty flaccid chicken wings and plant knives in the back garden
"My knives are stabbed into the garden with the handles sticking out..." We recorded a little further in advance than usual this week so we take some time to predict the future which is now your past when you read this in the present. Clear? Good. This week we discuss the frankly horrifying prospect of turgid chicken skin and decide which foodstuffs can accurately be described as "flaccid"; how to dispose of knives without looking like a knife fetishist and why not to create tiny knife cemetaries in your background; being elected Toilet Monitor on a train and using the train toilet as an office space; the COVID-19 conspiracy theory that's all the range among the gullible of Mumsnet and how Illuminati HQ came up with the virus.
March 12, 2020
065 - In which we are not everyone's personal snack bitch and Elton John outlives us
"Just care yourself up by your bootstraps." Some weeks we cover the tough questions about politics and economics and etiquette in the modern age. Some weeks we ask, 'Should you literally steal candy from a baby?'. How is a hapless husband supposed to get snacks if his wife doesn't buy them for him and he's not allowed to eat baby snacks? This week, we also listen to the reasonable and knowledgable claims of the Flat Earthers, we assess a Classic Mumsnet Scheme to set up a job-share between one million UK unemployed people to be a single care worker, and we panic over how to write invitations to events. Thanks to Imogen for providing us with the 'snack bitch' thread.
February 27, 2020
064 - In which we launch a pirate radio station for kids that jams frequencies to play Baby Shark
"I was just grateful that we didn't have a dead old man under a washing machine." Gregg Wallace gets an extension this week as we discuss the rules of etiquette for offering a worker on your property a drink (if you're the host of BBC's Eat Well For Less and Inside the Factory). If a houseguest comes to stay, should they bring a gift? And what should it be: some Frubes; a cheap Zinfandel? What motivational songs do out-of-touch Mumsnetters send to another out-of-touch Mumsnetter to pump up a Gen-Z-er? And should we let children go to pirate-themed parties so they can learn to torrent and dress up as Napster?
February 13, 2020
063 - In which hamster balls are cancelled and we slide into a friend's husband's DMs to talk about 🔥 and 🍆
"'Your very existence is a hot take' is a weird thing to say to someone." We're big into the social media this week. This episode is practically a lesson in social media etiquette and frankly we should be charging you for this training. We get into bosses who want you to advertise to your friends via Facebook and WhatsApp; printing out and laminating memes for your meme in-tray; what the flame emoji means and whether you should use it to comment on your friend's jacked husband on Facebook. We also discuss what to do if you have a parcel from China to collect from the Post Office, what to do if your hamster is infected with the coronavirus, and what to do when someone you manage is going for the same job interview as you and the interviewers make you buzz in like University Challenge.
January 30, 2020
062 - In which we come up with inventive names for houses and we cover breasts with slotted spoons
"You've got a slotted spoon to try to eat that satsuma? What are you on about?" What is irony? What is sincerity? We discuss this philosophical and cultural conundrum in-depth as we look into someone's "sincere and heartfelt apology". This week, we take out three billboards and bake some apology muffins to apologise for delaying a driver at a crossing, we discuss a boyfriend talking about breasts with a friend and "what they could do with them", we take a double bedroom in our new new-build house as a dressing room and confine our children to smaller rooms, and a colleague uses a mountain of plastic every lunchtime to cut up pineapples with plastic forks.
January 16, 2020
061 - In which we throw latte art parties for children
"Bonkers or normal?" Another year; another You Are Being Unreasonable. Please settle yourself down for the annual shareholder's meeting of YABU Industries. We start the year by pondering if instant coffee is a disaster at a child's birthday party, how you get recruited by MI5 and MI6 and meeting spies in fields, the history of French plaits and their cinematic representation, and how we should all answer the phone in 2020.
January 02, 2020
YABU Live 8th December 2019 - In which we do another festive live podcast recording
"Christmas is my favourite time of the year and I don't want it overshadowed by pigs." Ho ho ho and "Merry" "Christmas"! This is the recording of our Christmas live show performed at the Effra Social in Brixton, London in aid of Mermaids UK (https://www.mermaidsuk.org.uk/). Thanks to the generosity of everyone who came to the show, we raised £450 for Mermaids UK to help support gender-diverse and transgender children in the UK. This year, we think of the best Secret Santa presents you can get for £3 in Asda, we dress children up in yellow leggings to be the Beyoncé of the school nativity version of Kill Bill: Vol. 1, we employ a cleaner to clean up our palatial mansion for 30 hours per week (but not over Christmas), we ponder over extensive arguments about what to do with micro-pigs over Christmas, and we tackle Am I Being Unreasonable questions from the audience.
December 24, 2019
060 - In which we find BiggerJugs.co.uk indelibly inscribed on our bank statements
"Why not trickle out your truths over the Christmas dinner table?" It's been a tough week but we're still here to bring community, solidarity, and hope through the medium of a snarky podcast about Mumsnet. This week, we meet our favourite new recurring character, Trickle Truth the festive fairy who drip-feeds truths, and we talk about offensive company names for banterous lads, using 'partner' to describe your husband or wife and what 'other half' refers to, people filming in houses without the homeowner's permission and the possibility of being Home Alone-d, look at IMDb's incorrectly-regarded-as-goofs section, and, unsurprisingly, we get political with some chat about negotiating salaries and the importance of collective organising to improve pay and conditions in the workplace.
December 19, 2019
059 - In which we fry Gregg Wallace in a big pan
"We're not saying people have to stop: we just wish they would." As the Christmas season approaches, we're thinking about our Christmas dinner: a roasted Gregg Wallace, too much sriracha sauce and Neopolitan layered Angel's Delight pudding in an ornate crystal bowl. This week, we get into TV cooks who use too many utensils and the differences in portion control between gourmet cooking and cooking at home, cover versions versus originals and those slow piano covers for John Lewis ads, inventive ways of eating Angel's Delight, and calling people cockwombles, wankspatulas, twunts, and the like.
December 05, 2019
Bonus - In which we take a cosy autumnal trip to see the grans
A bonus episode in which we pop in on GransNet for a catch-up with the grans. Bad language on TV, pineapple pies, grans at death metal concerts, granny ticket scalpers, and cold-calls from funeral directors: we get into what's afflicting the grans nowadays.
November 28, 2019
058 - In which we wrap presents in silver tit paper
"You disgust me, you sickening mummy's boy." We pitch a jukebox musical film about Billy Bragg's catalogue: Billy, get in touch if you're interested. We would also accept interest from Danny DeVito. We also immediately blow the chances of that film getting produced by the biggest media conglomerate in the world by laying into The Walt Disney Company and it's history of sexism, racism, anti-Semitism, anti-unionism, and opposition to basic labour rights. Oh well. We also discuss the breast-y wrapping paper at Paperchase and the possibility of boob bubblewrap, whether an adult boy should share a hotel room with his mother, and we offer our standard advice of 'leave the bastard' to a woman whose husband finds her knitting "unattractive".
November 21, 2019
Bonus - In which we discuss BIRDS
We rashly promised a bonus episode on the birds section of Mumsnet and here it is. We briefly discuss birds and bird-related issues including big poos, which bird to get for an elegant child, and how to keep birds from tweeting.
November 14, 2019
8th December - You Are Being Unreasonable Live in London, UK
Sunday 8th December 2019 from 18:30 at the Boulevard Theatre, 6 Walker's Court, Soho, W1F 0BT. Go to https://boulevardtheatre.co.uk/whats-on/sunday-service-podcasts-8-december/ for details and to book tickets.
November 11, 2019
057 - In which we enrol children in Junior Fight Club and get strap-ons when we search for T-shirts
"Would it be spiteful to release the hounds after the interview?" This episode is brought to you by Blinds.net where you can buy the concept of blinds. This week, midwives steal our morphine, we rush to the airport, we buy blinds for our naked neighbours, we use 'spite' as the reason for our hiring decisions at work and get into the legal ramifications of dismissing someone based on spite, we get gut feelings of deep deep yuck from someone who hasn't done anything wrong but who maybe runs a fight club for children, and we get search results for absurdly large (and "vividly shaped") fake penises when we search for T-shirts on Amazon. Standard Mumsnet.
November 07, 2019
056 - In which we deal with a horrible goose and scare some voles
"You won't believe what this jacked gander did next." Thanks to Flora this week for pulling their advertising from Mumsnet and, for Flora representatives listening, we are available for advertising and we are not a hate site. This week we tap into the zeitgeist by asking how to deal with a horrible goose, we hold hundreds of doors open for other people, we hold individual pet-owners to account for their environmental impact rather than, say, a few massive energy companies, and we unravel the mystery of the suitcase full of damp clothes.
October 24, 2019
055 - In which we ponder about what happened to the Jacobites
"Just post a picture of you going about your business but wearing a T-shirt that says 'My body; my choice' and people will tell you what choices they would make about your body." You know what we need? Men's opinions! This week, we solicit men's opinions on women's physical attractiveness. Great stuff and not problematic at all. We also discuss those beautiful and smooth seal models; Helen gets into her thoughts on roast-ownership and whether you should have macaroni cheese on a roast dinner; we lawyer up to get a refund on some clothing that doesn't flatter us; we wonder which Pied Piper-like figure took away all the Emos; and we determine what teenagers are into these days that aren't Zach Braff and Keane. Tickets are now available for our December live show at the Boulevard Theatre in Soho, London on Sunday 8th December at 18:30. Book now! https://boulevardtheatre.co.uk/whats-on/sunday-service-podcasts-8-december/
October 10, 2019
054 - In which we take part in a nude calendar at work
"Live in the group chat; laugh in the group chat; love in the group chat." There are some questions which have haunted humanity since the start of civilisation. 'Should you take part in a nude calendar at work?' is not one of them. As well as discussing collecting nude photos at work, we tackle a baffling third-person logic problem involving babysitting and invent a new union for babysitters, we discuss the byzantine internal politics of group chats and the anxiety of thinking there has to be another group chat that you're not included in, and the horrors of not being able to drive on the one weekend when students arrive in a university town. Keep an eye out for our official You Are Being Unreasonable nude calendar.
September 26, 2019
YABU Live 15th August 2019 - In which we do a summer live podcast recording
"Am I being unreasonable to ask who is the worst performer you've seen live?" This is the recording of our live show performed at the Chapel Playhouse in London as part of the Camden Fringe 2019. Thanks to everyone for coming and to the Chapel Playhouse and Camden Fringe for hosting us. For the summer holidays, we picked some holiday-related threads full of Mumsnet mishaps and confusions. We discuss what to do if an Ed Sheeran cover band plays bad Nirvana homages in the square under your holiday villa all night; teachers going on strike in the summer holidays outside a silent school with no-one attempting to go in; how to deal with the universal situation of an AirBnB host who keeps walking in on you when you're lying on the bed naked on a wet towel; and what to do on a holiday ten minutes from where you live. We also discover bilingual dogs and the perfect golf gift for any golfer with a penis.
September 19, 2019
053 - In which we discuss potatoes and the complete annihilation of all human life
"I would buy Potato Frownies... I don't want to grow up but I'm also not happy." It's Carbs Week on You Are Being Unreasonable as we discuss the fine distinctions between chips and various other types of potato products, we invent the Po-Table, a table made off and built for potatoes, and we discuss how to peel potatoes with the arm of an executed serial killer. We also get into anatomically correct dinosaur clothes for children, getting a photo with your EXtended family of exes, whether or not to tell your partner if you're working from home, and how to dress for an interview as a spooky undertaker. Oh, and the benefits of planet-wide voluntary human extinction.
September 12, 2019
052 - In which we trade mismatched mugs back and forth until we die
"We don't care about GDPR: we're rebels!" We have another fine collection of jumping off points for 'bits' in this week's episode of your favourite B-list podcast. In this week's jaunt through Mumsnet, we open the cupboard full of mismatched mugs that every household in the UK has, we offer a lucrative internship at a world-class bank cleaning out the store cupboard while singing, we provide the best way to avoid bad reviews (the secret is not to do any work and to offer free scones), and we debate whether Rob Stewart is an A-lister or not and move on to the impermanent and fleeting nature of all fame and fortune.
August 29, 2019
051 - In which our husband needs a vasectomy and we steal nuggs from work
"Is it ever really a victory if at some point you have to eat McDonald's nuggets in a toilet in secret?" We're popping round for a quick yoghurt this week with some fresh Mumsnet threads for you. We discover a coven of witches eating McDonald's at work and investigate how to get away with nuggs theft. We discuss whether people landed on the Moon (they did) and then get into the shape of the Moon. We assess the idea of family passes for the NHS like at Alton Towers and ask our GP to do a vasectomy, look into our hearing, give us a smear test, and do a full health check in 20-30 minutes. Finally, we look into the economics of delivering a misdelivered package of nuggets to a neighbour versus the economics of delivering a box of popcorn at 100 miles per hour.
August 15, 2019
050 - In which we shank people who write us into their fiction
"The second best revenge is lesbian erotica..." We're celebrating 50 episodes (sort of) with a surprisingly sweary and bawdy episode. We ask if you should ever give the police an alibi for your partner and what crimes you would not accept from them: shankings? refusing to pay VAT? murders? What should you do with a horrible young sexual harrassing man at work who keeps mentioning his large and serious penis? What if it were a witch sexually harrassing you instead of a young man? What if it were a sad clown? Should you reference your husband's role in your own CV and why would you want to do that? And what would you do if an old companion wrote you into their self-published lesbian erotica?
August 01, 2019
Best of You Are Being Unreasonable - In which we look back at our best bits
We're celebrating 50 episodes with a bonus clip show! This is 50 minutes of the best bits from 50 episodes of the You Are Being Unreasonable podcast. Featuring clips from: 003 - In which pantsuits are considered and the greatest wizard is discovered 006 - In which fresh milk is opened and Hugh Jackman puffs himself up 009 - In which we scream in the Sistine Chapel 014 - In which the Stink Judge decides when we can eat 026 - In which we attend the worst dinner party in history 030 - In which we investigate the ancient art of tyromancy 032 - In which we invent the outbound phonesex line 033 - In which we get possessed by haunted hand-driers 035 - In which we pay Coca-Cola to raise children as a job creation scheme 039 - In which we start a new centrist podcast 047 - In which a dentist tells us raisins are bad for teeth YABU Live 13th December 2018 - In which we do a festive live podcast recording
July 25, 2019
049 - In which we advertise our little podcast on Scientology forums
"They think that inviting someone to a wedding is akin to punching them in the face." We're in the run-up to Fringe season now and we're practicing for our live show by... well, doing what we always do: looking at threads of Mumsnet's AIBU board and chatting about them. This week, we determine who is and is not a table-nabber and outline the plans for a new cinematic franchise, Rogue Dad starring Tom Cruise and Jamie Foxx, we discuss the politics of using a giftcard to split a restaurant bill and how to burn through £10,000 on giftcards like Brewster's Millions, we talk about texting intimate details of your life to a stranger you met in a shop and ask the eternal question, What Would Tommy Wiseau Do?, and we discover that non-human entities and abstract concepts can be 'cheeky fuckers' and ask if weddings are CF.
July 18, 2019
048 - In which we sing some Creationist hymns
"If only we could utilise your gagging on an eggy struggle." Coming to you from the UK heatwave, we have some scalding hot takes from Mumsnet's AIBU board this week we spend this episode listening when people tell us who they are. In this episode, we overhear our Creationist neighbour shouting about Creationism at his wife in the garden, we ask at which jobs it is appropriate to wear flip-flops in the summer, we unravel the byzantine mysteries of a 'simple story' of two women and two ugly guys, we list the words we don't like, we do a close reading of 'Horrid Henry' and his sex cult, and we meet a woman who travels the boards talking about owning half her mum's house.
July 04, 2019
047 - In which a dentist tells us raisins are bad for teeth
"I want the baby to have a monogrammed smoking jacket... I want the baby to look like Hugh Hefner otherwise what's the point?" Hopefully this week's episode gives you a good ol' boost in the fanjo as we continue what is definitely a serialised podcast with a strong season-long arc. We ask which kind of mysterious conspiracy could have sent unexpected letters all in braille, how to handle visitors who don't like your attention-seeking dog, whether dentists should intervene in people's supermarket shopping, and what is the absolute best present to give to a newborn baby for Christmas? Is there a secret Illuminati-club for blind people? What kind of art would a baby want for Christmas? Is a dog stronger than a baby? Are the raisin sections of supermarkets getting too big? Why do we keep talking about Gillian Duffy, the bigoted woman? Why did she say everything? Tickets are now available for our live show at the Camden Fringe 2019 on Thursday 15th August 2019 from 08:30 pm at the Chapel Playhouse at 308 - 312 Grays Inn Road, London, United Kingdom, WC1X 8DP. Go to https://camdenfringe.com/show.php?acts_id=2401 to book tickets.
June 20, 2019
046 - In which we debate the merits of eating hot meals
"If Generation X was so anti-capitalist then why does capitalism still exist?" Weighty issues abound this week as we accidentally stumble across some actual anti-capitalism on Mumsnet but it turns out to be a web of bad takes. We learn what the Life in the UK test thinks are important indicators of Britishness and discuss the essence of British weekends. We also discuss whether or not you should tell a complete stranger to leave their partner, whether or not it's normal to not eat hot meals, and Simon reviews the latest films in the genre of 'cello drama'. Tickets are now available for our live show at the Camden Fringe 2019 on Thursday 15th August 2019 from 08:30 pm at the Chapel Playhouse at 308 - 312 Grays Inn Road, London, United Kingdom, WC1X 8DP. Go to https://camdenfringe.com/show.php?acts_id=2401 to book tickets.
June 06, 2019
045 - In which we discuss the 'popular' idiom, "Head down, ass up."
"The day you were born was the only day you'll show up to a room full of people naked." So we really earn the 'explicit' tag this week as we discuss lewd song lyrics, blokes on the train effing and blinding, men weighing themselves completely naked, and whether it's reasonable to leave an adult sleepover to go and have sex. Don't let children listen to this. We also get into the differences between polo and water polo, putting your bare bum on the seat in an Uber, the implications of the ULEZ zone in London, the social etiquette of leaving a party, a textual analysis of 'Face Down A-- Up' by 2 Live Crew, and the various travails of Ben across the threads.
May 23, 2019
044 - In which we TRAP A WORK COLLEAGUE IN A CELLAR
"Come on, David, leave the bag of syringes here in the playground: we have to go for a drive." It's been 44 episodes but we're finally getting close to understanding the culture of Mumsnet and the site's snitches' charter. Join us as we discuss the unusual prevalence of nautical themes in bathrooms, find ways to bring down capitalism by requesting refunds on the substitutions for our online shopping, play a round of our regular game 'Haughty or Flirty?', we attend a cult wedding with a very normal sister-in-law, and, for some reason, we discuss whether it's unreasonable to TRAP A WORK COLLEAGUE IN A CELLAR WITH CLINICAL WASTE. Listen to the end for details of how to vote for us in the British Podcast Awards and how we're going to bribe listeners to do so with meat.
May 09, 2019
Bonus - In which we prepare for doomsday
This week, we briefly discuss the Mumsnet Preppers board to prepare for the apocalypse. What gifts do preppers give? Where should they live post-doomsday? What meals can preppers prepare?
May 02, 2019
043 - In which we eat a whole roast dinner in a toastie
"Come is cheap." This week we invite you to join us both for a delicious roast: pork, roast potatoes, broccoli, carrot, Yoskhire puddings, and cheese all sandwiched between two slices of toasted bread. Yum. We discuss the logistics of fitting the roast potatoes into this Worst Sandwich and the mysterious presence of cheese. Also: Do bankers really do a lot of cocaine? Should you live-vlog a first date as a YouTube influencer? And what should you put in your work email signature in order to not be a dick?
April 18, 2019
042 - In which we encourage people to leave their husband for Tom Hiddleston
"What predates the EU and managed to get in? The Vikings." Should you give your personal details to the Russian government? Who counts as a mother for Mother's Day? Should you be allowed to eat food that you enjoy? Would you let someone clean your house to give you more time to conceive? And most importantly which animals symbolise which countries? We also iron creases into our underpants, we carry a Viking longboat to Russia like Fitzcarraldo, we plan for a hot double cream recording, and we discuss Brexit Bill's eating preferences.
April 04, 2019
041 - In which we see the apparition of the bins
"This website is the bad take machine." Welcome to another episode of the only podcast focused on the Am I Being Unreasonable board of Mumsnet. The only podcast that ever has been or ever will be focused on this area of the internet. This week, we discuss binbag thieves, the Plastic Police, and the finer points of stealing someone's identity; couples who go the GP together and speak in unison; we investigate some Mumsnet detective work into international dialtones; and we compare babies and cats. Spoiler alert: they are very different. Sorry, the audio got a bit squiffy on this one so there's some alternating between stereo outputs. You might want to skip it if you find it uncomfortable to listen to.
March 21, 2019
Bonus - In which Harry Potter is discussed
A bonus episode for the off-week! This week, we briefly discuss Harry Potter and quiz Hels on her knowledge of the boy wizard and his magical friends.
March 14, 2019
040 - In which we freeze the hamster and nationalise Mumsnet
"Who would you rather go to dinner with? Three unbearable women who are performatively ignoring chips and eating salad or Jerry Seinfeld?" This week, we generate yet more income from this highly lucrative podcast by pitching a shot-for-shot remake of Sex And The City but with Mumsnet, advertising LaserLads: Just Two Guys With A Laser, and starting our campaign to nationalise Mumsnet. Among the questions discussed this week, when do you lawyer-up when a friend has lied to you for money, is it unreasonable to cryogenically freeze a hamster like Walt Disney, and have you seen Jerry Seinfeld's new observational comedy special exclusive to Mumsnet?
March 07, 2019
039 - In which we start a new centrist podcast
"He calls his wife. But who's on the other end of the line? It's Barry Scott." We're pleased to announce that one of our hosts is branching out to start The Independent Podcast which accepts hosts from all other podcasts and is definitely a real idea and not a publicity stunt. While we're still doing this podcast, we learn the correct order in which to undertake life events, we investigate a case of egregious chocolate theft and cut off teenagers' hands to prevent theft, we look at funny pictures of Ronald McDonald on our phone, we speculate about McDonald's mascot Grimace's road-to-Damascus moment and their resemblance to adult toys, a mother time travels to protect her daughter from bad soup, and we remember Barry Scott, the shouty spokesperson for Cilit Bang.
February 21, 2019
038 - In which we wear very many hats to contain our beautiful hair
"Join us the week after next for another dip into the well of misery." We've emerged from our blanket cocoons to ask the important questions: What do parents do with their kids' teeth? Why do people keep umbilical cords? Should we advertise that we're stocking up on food? And should he not leave when I visit? Along the way, we ask Nobel-prize nominated ambassadors to leave the room, we take other people's children to underground no-questions-asked barbers, we print all our children's identifying characteristics on their school leaving hoodies, and we stock up on food for Brexit. That last one is not even a joke.
February 07, 2019
037 - In which we hire multiple private investigators to investigate our families
"Imagine if someone sent Jamie Oliver as your birthday treat." We heed the words of Gillette and help people be the best that they can be. But then we hear that they're bugging the phones of their family members and sending elaborate birthday presents to school for our 16 year olds so it's tough. Is it unreasonable to hide in the park so your husband doesn't know you have a day off? Is it unreasonable to deliver pizzas to your kids at school? Is it unreasonable to be disappointed in George Ezra? And is it unreasonable to hire a private investigator to investigate your daughter-in-law?
January 24, 2019
036 - In which we invent Lego F.R.I.E.N.D.S and Mega Bloks C.H.U.M.S
"Did you vote Brexit because you were worried about a Polish person touching your Creme Eggs?" New year, new unreasonables. Mumsnet has cranked it up for 2019. This week, we discuss what children should spend their Christmas money on and invent hot new Lego media properties; we talk about having babies for the maternity leave and the difficulty of sneaking a baby onto a rocket; we wonder about searching for white Creme Eggs and what the 'skin' of the Creme Egg is; we discuss the decline of the British high street and the Council of Anthropomorphised High Street Shops.
January 10, 2019
YABU Live 13th December 2018 - In which we do a festive live podcast recording
"My measure of success is how many people you can coax into a basement on a Thursday night while you just read stuff that other people have written on the internet." We're simply having a reasonable Christmas time! This is the recording of our live show performed at the Chapel Playhouse on Grays Inn Road in London as part of their preview events. Thanks to everyone for coming and to the Chapel Playhouse for hosting us. For the holidays, we get our 'small relatives' dozens of paintings of horses as Christmas presents, we put our own decorations on someone else's corporate tree, we add the Minions to the nativity to pad out the story, we set up upstairs-downstairs Christmas trees to enforce good ol' British class divisions, we thoroughly review SheIn-brand loungewear suitable for gifts, and we leave a crate of beer for bin-men with binny-hands and man-buns.
December 24, 2018
035 - In which we pay Coca-Cola to raise children as a job creation scheme
"You're either depressed or you're a snitch: that's capitalism for you." Pay attention to this week's keywords: A is for 'anti-capitalism' and S is for 'snitching' and 'spectral penises'. We discuss snitching on people who are sharing prescription drugs (in an anarchist company structure), snitching on people who steal from those online websites they have nowadays, snitching on parents who have 'free' childcare in the form of grandparents or other family members, and snitching on people flirting at a Christmas fair.
December 20, 2018
034 - In which Christmas jumpers are a hate-crime
"The only thing that stops him drinking is people having their need for firewood sated." We'll be honest: this one got away from us. Every podcast has a Lost Scooby-Doo Episode and this is ours. This week, is it unreasonable to buy firewood cash-in-hand from Beer-Money Billy? How can we appoint a specialist barber law solicitor if the apocalypse happens while we're at the barbers? Is it unreasonable of Scrappy-Doo to sell his family's ancient pieces of furniture? Should Christmas jumpers be banned in favour of Winterval jumpers? And is it unreasonable to expose young children to that weird CG Scooby-Doo from the live-action Scooby-Doo film?
December 06, 2018
13th December - YABU Live Show in London
Thursday, December 13, 2018 from 07:30 pm to 08:30 pm at the Chapel Playhouse at 308 - 312 Grays Inn Road, London, United Kingdom, WC1X 8DP Go to http://www.chapelplayhouse.co.uk/ for details or https://events.time.ly/aart0an/20679541/tickets to book tickets
November 29, 2018
033 - In which we get possessed by haunted hand-driers
"This is bullshit, Carrie, and you know it!" It's an episode of mysteries today as we unravel the Mystery of the Floor Penis, the Riddle of the Fashionistas, the Family, and the Hatbox, the Question of When the McConaissance Started, the Enigma of the Pasta 'N' Sauce, and the Case of the Hypnotic Hand-Driers. Is it unreasonable for restaurants to have gendered menus? Is it unreasonable to say "Sorry, we have plans today"? Is it unreasonable to expect for families to get taxis before Carrie Bradshaw? And is it unreasonable for friends to spend 40 minutes drying their hands?
November 22, 2018
032 - In which we invent the outbound phonesex line
"Vote: that'll do, pig." In all our time delving into Mumsnet, we've never stumbled across that Mumsnet staple, the Poo Troll. Today we narrowly avoid this bad bad troll and instead discuss whether children (and pigs) should be allowed to vote, whether Ferrero Rochers are appropriate sweets for trick-or-treaters, whether to be friends with a half Jim Davidson, half Owen Jones abomination, whether you need to explain WHY you can't make it to an event, whether to eat children's Hallowe'en sweets, and we come up a radical new way of eating sweets to vote.
November 08, 2018
031 - In which Subway sandwich artists do their art for the exposure
"Daddy has no life, does he, Mummy?" It's a spooktacular Hallowe'en You Are Being Unreasonable in which the scariest thing is bigotry. This week, we spectacularly redecorate our rental property with extravagant murals and gold bathroom fittings, we go caravaning with husbands who have no interior lives, we steal chicken nuggets and chips but it's from a chain so it's anti-capitalist praxis, and we talk about one of the canonically Great Female Acting Roles and the influence of Matilda on clever little girls.
October 25, 2018
030 - In which we investigate the ancient art of tyromancy
"I'd watch Ann Widdecombe: Cheese Investigators." Should you read out the slides in your presentation? How do we approach our 'creative' colleagues? How do you accuse your mother-in-law of stealing your shoes? In answering these questions, we use stolen supermarket cheese to divine the future, we watch the Surgeon General read out the clip art on their TED talk, we wear flip-flops to express our artistry, and we steal wellies back from Satan.
October 11, 2018
029 - In which we undertake daring fork heists from Pret
"Who'd have thought the robot uprising would begin on Gransnet?" It's a special cosy edition of You Are Being Unreasonable this week as we welcome autumn by checking in with the grans of Gransnet again. Once again, we are tasked to only watch and to never interfere as we watch the grans go on a coach-trip with people carrying their carrier bags full of other empty carrier bags, take their own pre-mashed vegetables to the pub for lunch, and use a series of ladders to get a pervy cat down from a tree in the garden just at the back and to the side. Meanwhile we realise that Brexit means Brexit which means the Toby Carvery, call out Summer as a sexual harasser, and work on jazzing up our speaking patterns to attract more listeners and develop parasocial relationships with existing listeners.
September 27, 2018
028 - In which we fall in love with a TED-talking Gollum
"Smushies, sossies, rashers, dippers." This week, your favourite 8/10s look at Mumsnet once again and discover how to decorate a Marmite sofa, how to create Brunchables, how to "get things started" with someone, how to obliquely tell kids to pick stuff up off the floor, how to put lemurs in the bin, how to make rashers in the microwave at work, and whether it's possible to love a 3/10.
September 13, 2018
027 - In which we ask Adidas for help with potato problems
"Am I being unreasonable... sex towel?" It's our 27th episode and we join the 27 Club. But instead of dying, we talk about going to Jeff Bridge's house to admire his single DVD, we storm off ineffectively, we get matched up with strangers to see the opening bit of a Seinfeld episode, we accuse Bodger & Badger of potato-related misdemeanours, and we visit the greatest service station in the world.
August 30, 2018
026 - In which we attend the worst dinner party in history
"Someone said 'I have no idea what is normal anymore after reading Mumsnet'." Should you order a takeaway in the middle of a dinner party? What should you serve as appetisers at said dinner party? Should you post on Mumsnet about your guests while the guests are still there? Should you show people the itinerary from the holiday you went on four years ago? What times are appropriate to text your wedding DJs? And, while we're on DJs, what are some good names for 13 year old DJs? And why does Cher have so many bangers? We discover answers to all these questions and many more.
August 16, 2018
025 - In which Jesus opens a distillery
"You can't spell 'manslaughter' without 'laughter'." Back at it again on Mumsnet. We encounter cheeky coffee drinkers, greeting cards for people who have left work following 'incidents', glockenspiel murderers, dogs who have eaten earphone cables 'Lady and the Tramp'-style, smelly Jesus, and accidental children.
August 02, 2018
024 - In which we volunteer to direct a children's production of Woke Grease
"Children aren't good at playing along with crimes..." Bonjour! Ça va? Oui, ça va bien, et tu? In this week's episode, we rush to A&E rather than pay £4 for two small bottles of water to take away, we vow - VOW! - that our children won't go through the trauma of having the same name as other children in their class, we scalp tickets for a children's production of Hamilton, and we come up with a new secret signal for Mumsnetters to identify one another.
July 19, 2018
023 - In which we dye our hair pink before a wedding
"Worry about global warming before you worry about your children being on an iPad." How best to beat the heat? Reading Mumsnet threads, of course! This week, teachers look forward to their holidays, we discover the sound of the Internet, we leave children to travel on planes on their own, we learn about the advanced Mumsnet technique, The Reverse, and we drink strawberry Nesquik to remind us of being on the Riviera. Also, we're moving to fortnightly episodes from now on. See you on 19th July!
July 05, 2018
022 - In which we change our names to ?!
"Would I be unreasonable to take a doll to the barbers?" This week on You Are Being Unreasonable, we're replaced by 18-21 year-olds home from university who we pay minimum-wage to work for us. They discuss using spaghetti carbonara as a murder weapon, reporting our children to an ombudsman, they define 'nepotism', and unveil our newest, least popular segment, Simon's IT Corner.
June 28, 2018
021 - In which we send fraudulent babies to baby jail
"I never thought I was profligate in my sausage-eating habits." We're back from honeymoon to delve into Mumsnet's AIBU board once again. This week, we eat sausage-quarters like kings, we fill our house with thousands of Mr Men books, and we fart to punctuate sentences.
June 21, 2018
020 - In which we take party advice from Tommy Wiseau
"Am I being unreasonable? Should I go to the Dog Carnival or clean?" A full slate of unreasonableness this week as we hide around the corner waiting to interrupt engagements, we unveil our three-point packed lunch manifesto, we mix veggie and non-veggie meatballs, and we resent our neighbours' Eyes Wide Shut barbeque/orgies.
June 07, 2018
019 - In which we fancy people from the olden days
"Adam Ant: not as bad as Stalin." This week, it's the most ambitious crossover event in podcast history as we're joined by Stuart Moses of the Improv London Podcast (https://soundcloud.com/improvlondon) to dive with us into Mumsnet's AIBU forum. Together, the three of us list soft cheeses, obliquely reference the theft of a dog on Facebook, we seduce Nye Bevan's wife, and go to the Mirror Universe version of Mumsnet where all the OPs have goatee beards.
May 31, 2018
018 - In which we turn our street up to 11
"If anyone has any YouTube videos of a puppy successfully eating Manchego cheese but leaving the waxy rind perfectly intact and then placing it back in the fridge, I would like to watch those videos." Another deep dive into Mumsnet's AIBU forum. This week, we look for Schrödinger's cheese, we get asked for our marital status to buy chicken nuggets, and we get engaged again. If you have any Mumsnet AIBU threads for us to look at, please let us know on Twitter at @YABUnreasonable.
May 17, 2018
017 - In which Les Misérables is sponsored by Specsavers
"If you don't want to see that thong, don't play the song." Thanks to everyone who sent us Mumsnet AIBU threads this week for us to discuss. We really appreciate you wading into the forums on our behalf. Glasses upon glasses in this episode as we invoice babies for broken wine glasses and improve Les Misérables with a spectacles-focused reimagining. We also take children up Mount Everest for a picnic and Sisqó requests to see that thong during the general swim session.
May 10, 2018
016 - In which we read 'Harry Potter and the Zodiac Killer'
"Nom nom, pizza pizza." This week, we wade once more into the hellscape of Mumsnet. We discover a house set on fire in a celebratory fashion, drive-by pizza accidents, six year-olds drinking Pornstar Martinis, and Paul Hollywood's sex-gut.
May 03, 2018
015 - In which babies catch tans
"Love juice." It's a baby-filled episode this week as we discuss Royal babies, recruiting babies as firefighters, trusting infants to deal with in-flight emergencies, and taking children to job interviews, and whether babies should have tans. We also demand haircuts as our birthright and petition for the nationalisation of shampoo. You can vote for us in the Listeners' Choice Award category at the British Podcast Awards at https://www.britishpodcastawards.com/vote Go do that.
April 26, 2018
014 - In which the Stink Judge decides when we can eat
"Am I being unreasonable to sing an adapted version of Blurred Lines to my cat?" We're back! After our break, MumsNet overfloweth with baffling threads. This week, we replace /everything/ with Peppa Pig, we eat a Tudor buffet at our desks in the office, we go to Robin Thicke-friendly churches, and Detective Pikachu investigates our local corner shop.
April 19, 2018
013 - In which Easter is hijacked by the Postcode Lottery
"Let's hear it for the grans!" It's a GransNet special! This week, we delve into GransNet and discover the annoyingly reasonable grans of this forum: we dress like dowdy sacks of pasta, children are brainwashed by Postcode Lottery to forget the true meaning of Easter, aliens make contact with strangers in vans, and we meet our best new recurring character, Coffee Sue.
April 05, 2018
012 - In which we hide vouchers from Poirot
"I just wanted a Dine-In-For-Two and now I'm in jail." This week, we burn our trousers, we speculate about the family of [Family relation]Net sites, and we get unreasonably het up about seat reservations on trains.
March 29, 2018
011 - In which Boomers slowly invade Millennials' houses
"Muttering incantations in the long-forgotten eldritch language of the Elder Gods is a bit much." This week, we endlessly move their fruit bowl to keep up with the neighbours, we ponder the inscrutable and impossible geometry of the mysterious box room, and Simon gets obsessed with summoning the Elder Forgotten Gods.
March 22, 2018
010 - In which we escape Scar's fascist regime to eat bugs
"Get your own baby fashion, motherfucker." This week we're joined by very special guest star, Fiona Ashley, who joins us as we escape a first date by having a wee in a cab, we finally throw away that portrait of Mussolini that brings us now joy, we get disinvited from a dog wedding, and Fi provides a perfect summary of Disney's Frozen (2013) leading us to accidentally write some erotic fan-fiction. Onwards and upwards, goodbye!
March 15, 2018
009 - In which we scream in the Sistine Chapel
"And also don't let your five year-old walk around a museum saying "Fuck you" to all the paintings. That's not OK." This week, we do yoga on a plane in 1977, we cry about everything from Rothkos to breakfast gravy, and Simon launches his London mayoral campaign.
March 08, 2018
008 - In which we write the prequel to Bugsy Malone
"What's the Little Red Hen got to do with it? It should be the Little Red State." This week on You Are Being Unreasonable, we consider ourselves very lucky to have found such great topics to discuss: library Oompa-Loompas segregating adults and children, driving middle-class friends to Waitrose for veg, and, as always, Hugh Jackman's 2017 movie The Greatest Showman.
March 01, 2018
007 - In which tiny robots spy on us and we fail to spread butter
"Jam, not ham!" In this episode of You Are Being Unreasonable, we "let" Alexa "come" to "live" with us, we don't answer the door, we dip bananas in margarine, and we get surprisingly serious about workers' rights and small business ownership.
February 22, 2018
006 - In which fresh milk is opened and Hugh Jackman puffs himself up
"Am I being unreasonable re. shitting man?" In this sixth episode of You Are Being Unreasonable, we ask about toilet etiquette, we drink ONLY the freshest of milks, and we meet BBC One's newest detectives, Driver and Pedestrian. (We had some trouble with the audio on this one so, particularly in the first five minutes, it might be bit janky. Sorry!)
February 15, 2018
005 - In which children eat calamari and girlfriends steal buttons from ashtrays
"Water, pour with me." This week, we mash food for children, we listen to the sounds of water, and we build a bin-fort!
February 08, 2018
004 - In which we split the bill and then the New New World Order is unmasked
"Next thing you know you're drinking a flaming glass of milk." In this episode, we explore clichéd mother-in-law drama, the social anxieties of going to a pub, and we uncover the secrets of the New New World Order.
February 01, 2018
003 - In which pantsuits are considered and the greatest wizard is discovered
This week, we cower as postmen try to deliver post to us, we get our bedsheets all sweaty with fever, and we discover the identity of the Greatest Wizard.
January 25, 2018
002 - In which the chickens are released
In our second episode of You Are Being Unreasonable, people are furious about early Christmas shoppers, book etiquette is discussed, wedding speeches are made, and chickens are released. (The audio for this episode got a bit heavily clipped so some sentences might cut off prematurely. Sorry!)
January 18, 2018