You'll Only Listen Twice

This is it, fellow listeners. The big one. Jake, Troy, Jan, and good ol’ producer Paul are talking about the critically acclaimed and most financially successful Bond film, Skyfall. Daniel Craig returns in yet his third consecutive Bond origin film, but this time he’s… old? Grab yourself a Heineken and listen to our heroes decipher what exactly made this movie so successful. Was it Sam Mendes’ direction? Was it the cinematography by Roger “the Deak” Deakins? Was it Joker Javier Bardem? Was it the Adele song? Was it Kincade? Tune in to find out… but the answer is Kincade.

Fellow listeners, the timeline has been reset to 0, and our hosts Jake, Troy, Jan, and good ol’ producer Paul are taking a look at the first proper reboot of the official James Bond series, Casino Royale.  Pierce Brosnan is out, and some blonde guy named Daniel Craig is in yet another adaption of Ian Fleming’s first novel. However, after two embarrassing strikes, they’ve finally cracked the code and made possibly the best James Bond movie ever, with some of the best writing in the series and one of the best love stories. Honestly, this episode might be our heroes’ most substantiive in the whole series because they actually provide character analysis, discuss themes, and other pretentious crap like that (and it’s not just Troy rambling about death and the hero’s journey). You know what? Screw this review. Don’t listen to this crap, just watch Casino Royale again. Seriously, the movie is a lot shorter than this episode. Ah what the hell, stay if you want to, but that’s nearly 3 hours that you’ll never get back, but at least you can hear these morons have a good in-depth discussion about a great movie.

Jake, Troy, Jan, and good ol’ producer Paul, along with Jake’s CGI brother, Andrew, are gonna break the cycle. They’re gonna shake up the system. They’re gonna destroy their ego. They’re gonna close their bodies now. Uh! Uh! That’s right, fellow listeners, this week’s review is Pierce Brosnan’s final and most divisive Bond film, Die Another Day! Is this movie really the worst Bond film ever made? Well, our heroes’ responses may shock you (with a Buzz Lightyear suit)! Step into the dream machine and listen to the boys discuss the film’s wacky tone, the CGI, the editing, the DNA replacement therapy, the Halle Berry, EVERYTHING!!! It’s time to face destiny! Sigmund Freud, analyze this… B*TCH!!!!

Just when you thought Christmas only comes once a year, Jake, Troy, Jan, and  good ol’ producer Paul are joined by Jan’s dead wife, Melissa, to talk about Pierce Brosnan’s third Bond outing, The World is Not Enough. Is it foolish sentiment? A family motto? Or just an alright movie from the director of The Chronicles of Narnia: Voyage of the Dawn Treader? Strap into your comfy jacket cocoon, fellow listeners, as our heroes get into it about the film’s action scenes, love story or “lackthereof,” and it’s Garbage theme song, which is actually a f******g bop. Not to mention, they answer the age old question: Is The Dark Knight Rises just a remake of this movie?  This episode is full of ghosts, goblins, and Rumpelstiltskin. Mamma Mia! Here we go again! 

Yesterday is a memory. Today is history. Tomorrow belongs to one man. BUT, riddle me this fellow listeners, what is today but yesterday’s tomorrow?  Well today, Jake, Troy, Jan, and  good ol’ producer Paul are talking about tomorrow, Tomorrow Never Dies that is…TODAY! That’s right, Pierce Brosnan’s criminally underrated (also prophetic) sophomore 007 film featuring Jonathan Pryce as one of the series’ best villains, Michelle Yeoh as one of the best Bond women, and of course, Vincent Schiavelli in one of the greatest bit parts in cinematic history. The boys also get into the film’s hellish production, helmed not by Martin Campbell, but the guy who made Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot. It’s an episode jammed packed episode with thrills, chills, and Ray Liotta. Let the mayhem begin!

It’s a new world, with new enemies and new threats, but you can still depend on one…PODCAST. Were you expecting something else? That’s right, fellow listeners, Jake, Troy, Jan and good ol’ producer Paul are talking about Pierce Brosnan’s triumphant debut as James Bond in 1995’s GoldenEye.  Is the film more than just the inspiration for that Nintendo game where you can shoot your friend in the dick with a golden gun? (The answer is yes.) Listen as the boys get into how Green Lantern director, Martin Campbell redifined the series for a new generation (for the first time). They also discuss the action scenes, the score, the gunbarrel, the Sean Bean, scatological symbolism, and of course, Famke Janssen’s unforgettable performance as Xenia Onatopp. Being children of the 90s, the boys are also dissecting the film’s place within 1990s pop culture, alongside titans like Dino Spumoni and the teaser trailer to 1993’s Tom and Jerry: The Movie. This is a big episode folks. Stay Onatopp of things by checking it out! For England, listeners? No, for Dino Spumoni.

This week we’re doing something different, fellow listers. We’re bringing you a bonus episode featuring the full uncut interview with Pedro Armendáriz. If you tuned in last week, you heard stories about his famous father, grandfather, and the Licence to Kill shoot, but this week, you get to hear some more stories about other productions Pedro has worked on like Predator and Troy (not our Troy), as well as more opinions on the James Bond series. So, tune in and have fun with our full conversation with Pedro Armendáriz.

The times they are a changin’, fellow listers. Jake, Troy, Jan and good ol’ producer Paul are waving goodbye to the Roger Moore era and saying hello to the long, storied tenure of the next James Bond actor, Timothy Dalton.  First on the list is his 1987 007 debut, The Living Daylights. A hard pivot from Moore’s light hearted, tongue and cheek take on the character, Dalton’s Bond is serious, intense, and more emotional. But is he too emotional? Find out as our heroes talk about his performance. Also on the docket is John Glen’s ever flexible directing style, John Barry’s final outing as composer, Maryam D’Abo as the lead Bond girl, Kara, Joe Don Baker and Jeroen Krabbé as the film’s double team villains, and, of course, …the Mujahideen?!? Without further ado, crank up the volume on your ghetto blaster and enjoy.

Get ready to dance into the fire fellow listers, because Jake, Troy, Jan, and good ol’ producer Paul are having a heated debate about the final and so-called worst Roger Moore James Bond film, A View to a Kill. How can a movie with Christopher Walken, Grace Jones, Roger Moore shagging Grace Jones, Patrick Macnee, Tanya Roberts, Roger Moore shower shagging Tanya Roberts, Tonya Roberts using her grandfather’s ashes to attack some thugs (no her grandfather is not Roger Moore) Paris, a chase on the Eiffel Tower, San Francisco, a fire at city hall, a fight on the Golden Gate Bridge, a lab in a stable, a robot dog, AND Roger Moore snowboarding with The Beach Boys playing in the background not tickle your Tchaikovsky? Hold on tight folks, because this episode is crazier than a horse on steroids. 

DISCLAIMER: The following episode of this program has been brought to you by Kevin McClory, esteemed producer, actor, and sole creator of James Bond 007, SPECTRE, Ernst Stavro Blofeld, spy movies, spy fiction, Duck Dodgers, Ned’s Declassified School Survival Guide, and YOU (not the show, but YOU the listener.) Dissatisfied with Jake, Troy, Jan and executive fun friend Paul’s coverage of his earlier cinematic work, Thunderball, the wise Mr. McClory found it necessary to closely supervise the recording of the following episode, which covers his other cinematic triumph, Never Say Never Again. This was a necessary step to ensure that the review was based in fact and free from the lies spread by Albert R. Broccoli, Harry Saltzman, the Ian Fleming estate, and United Artists. After careful negotiations, the hosts agreed to this proposition, not just because it would be futile (legally, of course) to refuse, but because of the chance to work with the great Kevin McClory on reviewing one his greatest works. A film that triumphantly brings back Sean Connery as Mr. McClory’s beloved creation, James Bond 007, for one final mission. A film the boasts the talents of such celebrated artists like, Max Von Sydow, Klaus Maria Brandauer, Kim Basinger, Michel Legrand, Douglas Slocombe, Lorenzo Semple Jr., Irvin Kershner, and of course, Kevin McClory. Without further ado, please sit back and enjoy Kevin McClory’s production of You’ll Only Listen Twice’s review of Kevin McClory’s masterpiece, Never Say Never Again.

Regards,

The law offices of K. Vinmic Lori, Esq.

We’re an all time high, fellow listers, as Jake, Troy, Jan, and good ol’ producer Paul are taking about Debussy, wait a second, that’s not right. The boys are actually talking about Octopussy, the 1983 James Bond adventure. (And no, this is not a porno episode) Roger Moore is back as 007 at possibly his most heroic, but he still has time to clown around, literally. Director John Glen is back and more ambitious as he delicately balances the film’s tonal shifts from classical adventure pulp and Hitchcockian thriller. But that’s not all, our heroes are talking about Maud Adams’ second Bond girl role as the title character, Louis Jourdan’s nasty performance as Kamal Khan, crocodile suits, and Tarzan yells. Oh my! The boys also stress that none of this show is plagiarized. This is a professional film criticism podcast program that is certainly good enough for Nebula. With that said, curl up with your little Octopussy and enjoy this very special episode.

This episode is for your eyes only, fellow listeners, or rather, for your ears only (this is a podcast after all) because Jake, Troy, Jan, and good ol’ producer Paul are taking a closer look at the Roger Moore James Bond adventure, For Your Eyes Only. Longtime editor John Glen is in the director’s chair for a film that sees 007 come back down to Earth, literally and metaphorically, with a grounded spy story that harkens back to the original Ian Fleming novels. Does it succeed or are the results more wrinkley than Roger Moore’s face? Find out as the boys talk about the film’s themes of revenge, its weird tonal shifts, and whether it’s similar to the Burt Reynolds movie Gator. There will be plenty of action, suspense and, of course, Topol. Tune in and we’ll buy you a delicatessen. In stainless steel!

Salutations fellow listeners! Jake, Troy, Jan, and good ol’ producer Paul are blasting off into space to review James Bond ’s epic space adventure, Moonraker. Strap in for a high flying journey as our heroes discuss the film’s production history, its lavish effects, and whether or not it is the stupidest 007 film of all time. Of course, they can't resist talking about that double-take pigeon.. Some old friends are attempting re-entry into the series as Roger Moore returns for his fourth outing as James Bond, Lewis Gilbert is back in the director’s chair, and Jaws makes his epic encore reappearance - except now he's looking for love. Hang on tight because this episode ain’t about science fiction, it’s about science fact!

Nobody does it better than Roger Moore’s third outing as James Bond, The Spy Who Loved Me. Well, at least that’s something our heroes can agree on in this episode. Listen as Jake, Troy, Jan and good ol’ producer Paul dive deep into the depths of insanity as they argue on whether this film is about the monomyth of 007, Barbara Bach’s performance as the titular beautiful spy, whether or not Stromberg is worthy Bond villain, and Jaws, just Jaws. Have our heroes finally lost their minds? Was this podcast a mistake? Find out! We would also like to apologize to the people of Bristol for the insensitive comments made by some of our hosts. These views do not reflect the values of “You’ll Only Listen Twice.” 

Three nipples? What will they think of next? Join Jake, Troy, Jan, and good ol’ producer Paul as they take on Roger Moore’s second outing as James Bond 007, The Man with the Golden Gun. Though the film was critically maligned and not the biggest box office success, the boys have a lot to say about Guy Hamilton and Tom “Mank” Mankiewicz’s farewell to the Bond series. From the lush islands of Phuket, to the streets of Bangkok, listen as they gush about legendary actor, Christopher Lee’s performance as the villain, Scaramanga, marvel at the amazing loop de loop car stunt, disagree on whether Mary Goodnight is a notable Bond girl, and scream with glee at the valiant return of Sheriff J.W. Pepper. Of course there is also Nick Nack, we can’t forget about one of the the series’ most memorable henchman! So, hop into your flying Ford Pinto and take in out thoughts on The Man with the Golden Gun.

Holy sh**! The boys are back to talk about Roger Moore’s first outing as James Bond, Live and Let Die. Does it hold up, or do people just like the song? Find out as Jake, Troy, Jan, and good ol’ Producer Paul dive into the film’s racial politics, Tom “Mank” Mankiewicz’s sophomore Bond script, Guy Hamilton’s lazy direction (sound familiar?). This episode is surely our least controversial and political episode. Right? We don’t even make fun of the CIA. Oh no, I’ve said too much!

Good evening, fellow listers, Jake, Troy, Jan, and good ol’ producer Paul are taking a look at one of the weirdest James Bond movies ever made (and that’s saying something), Diamonds Are Forever. Rather than being based on the Ian Fleming novel of the same name, this film is based on a half remembered dream Cubby Broccoli once had of his old friend Howard “Sam” Hughes. Move over George Lazenby, John Gavin is here… oh wait, Sean Connery is stumbling onto set in his final(?) outing as 007, and don’t worry, he brought back the toupée. Prepare your battle subs as the boys talk about Guy Hamilton’s lazy direction, Tom “Mank” Mankiewicz's lackluster Bond screenwriting debut, whether or not Charles Gray is the best cinematic Blofeld in the entire series, and how this film is shot in Panavision yet looks like a t.v. movie. Why does it look like Vegas????!!!

Happy holidays, fellow listeners! Jake, Troy, Jan, and good ol’ Producer Paul are joined by special guest Doggify to talk about the heartwarming (and certainly not tragic) James Bond Christmas classic, On Her Majesty’s Secret Service. I’m sure you have all the time in the world to listen to our heroes discuss George Lazenby’s one and done tenure as 007, Diana Rigg’s powerhouse performance as the love of Bond’s life, Tracy, Peter Hunt’s stunning direction, and whether Telly Savalas’s Blofeld is the worst prankster ever. Grab your skis and don’t forget your radioactive lint, because this is an episode you won’t want to miss. This never happened to the other podcast! Merry Christmas!

This week, Jake, Troy, Jan, and good ol’ Producer Paul take a detour to Italy to talk about the rip-off James Bond film starring Sean Connery’s brother, Neil, O.K. Connery also known as Operation Kid Brother, Operation Double 007 and Divided Evil. You may ask yourself, “Wait a sec… This isn’t a James Bond film!” Well, Bernard Lee and Lois Maxwell are basically M and Moneypenny in it, so I guess that counts. (We’re really skirting the line between official and unofficial Bond movies at this point.  Direct your ire towards Troy, this review is all his fault) Get ready as our heroes do their best to not talk about the adventures of Dr. Neil Connery, plastic surgeon, hypnotist, spy, and the greatest Scotsman to ever speak with an American accent, and instead talk about the many tragedies of Neil Connery, plasterer, actor, and all around jinx. Beware, this review is too much for one mother! 

Welcome to Japan fellow listeners, as Jake, Troy, Jan and good ol’ Producer Paul take on the James Bond film that inspired the name of this program, You Only Live Twice. Journey down the rabbit hole, or rather down the secret spy slide, as our heroes discuss “Alfie” director, Lewis Gilbert’s first foray into the world of 007, the lush cinematography of of Freddie Young, the screenplay by famed uncontroversial children’s book author, Roald Dahl, the $1 million volcano lair designed by Ken Adam, and, of course, James Bond’s infamous disguise. Be sure to avoid being shot in a Murphy bed, because you only live twice. I love you.

In this very special episode, Jake, Troy, Jan and good ol’ Producer Paul are strapping themselves up to Le Chiffre’s mind torture device to review the 1967 star-studded James Bond spoof, Casino Royale. David Niven is James Bond! Peter Sellers is James Bond! Ursula Andress is James Bond! Dalliah Lavi is James Bond! Johana Pettet is James Bond! Terrence Cooper is James Bond! Barbara Bouchet is James Bond! Woody Allen is Jimmy Bond! I am James Bond! You are James Bond! With so many Bonds, you’re going to need not one, not two, but five directors to pull this off, including cinematic legend John Huston. 5 directors? 7 James Bonds? Woody Allen? What could possibly go wrong? Drop in and drop out through a psychedelic odyssey featuring magic tricks by Orson Welles, Deborah Kerr doing a Scottish accent, Peter O’Toole’s getting his groin fondled by Peter Sellers, and George Raft just being there. Be sure not to accidentally blow yourself up in a freak mortar mishap, and enjoy our heroes’ discussion of what Producer Paul calls, “the greatest cinematic experience of my life.” 

DISCLAIMER: The following episode of this program has been brought to you by esteemed producer, Kevin McClory. Mr. McClory has executed his right of ownership for all media pertaining to his works, including the 1965 film Thunderball, 1983’s Never Say Never Again, the character of James Bond 007, the concept of spy fiction, Duck Dodgers, Tom Jones, as well as other media referenced in this episode and beyond. Instead of ordering the destruction of all copies of the following episode, Mr. McClory has generously allowed the creators of You’ll Only Listen Twice to release it in its entirety under the conditions that the episode includes the disclaimer you are currently reading and that he is allowed to remake this episode following a period of no less than ten years after its publication. Now, without further ado, please enjoy this episode about ONE OF MR. McCLORY'S GREATEST TRIUMPHS, Thunderball.

Regards,

 The law offices of K. Vinmic Lori, Esq.

Do you expect us to talk? Well if you’re planning on listening to this next episode, then the answer is presumably…yes. On their next mission, Jake, Troy, Jan, and good ol’ Producer Paul have a little fun with Mr. Goldfinger. Take a trip to the sunny beaches of Miami, the rolling hills of Switzerland, and the dirty parking lot of a KFC as our heroes discuss Operation Grand Slam (which is not a meal at Denny’s), James Bond’s fear of hats, and, of course, DINK!!!

Hey you cool cats, your friends Jake, Troy, Jan, and good old Producer Paul are back baby! Same channel, same feed, same format. Nothing has changed! Hop on board the Orient Express and bring your deadly attaché case because this week, we’re taking a look at the second official Bond flick “From Russia With Love.” In our discussion, we talk about the film, its cursed production, its involvement in the JFK assassination, and Roseanne…BAZINGA!

Continuing their mission, Jake and Troy go up against the first theatrically released James Bond film, 1962's "Dr. No." Along the way the encounter beautiful women with identical voices, questionable music choices, and their deadliest adversary to date, Sean Connery's singing voice.

Jake and Troy talk about their history with James Bond and attempt to discuss the character's first on-screen adventure, 1954's "Casino Royale," which was an episode of the anthology series, "Climax!" starring Barry Nelson as American agent, "Card Sense" Jimmy Bond and William Lundigan's passionate speech for the U.S. Safety Congress in Chicago.