You Are Infinitely Loved
By You Are Infinitely Loved
You Are Infinitely LovedMay 08, 2019
45. Exploring your identity part 3 - Self-betrayal versus self-leadership and giving yourself space to grow
In this episode we look at the ways we might be betraying ourselves by not exploring certain parts of our personality or by not giving ourselves the space to experiment and try on new ways of being.
We talk about the very real and human need to belong and how sometimes in order to belong to a community, we feel like we need to set aside or deny a part of ourselves. When are we choosing to make a compromise for the sake of something greater and when are we betraying ourselves? When are we putting restrictive labels on ourselves that stop us from growing and changing?
We discuss the opposite of self-betrayal, which is self-leadership and the courage to trust yourself and know that you are the leader of your own life and you get to decide how you want to live.
This episode wraps up our 3-part series on exploring your identity. We hope you’ve enjoyed it. We can’t wait to bring you more episodes on all things self-love and self-compassion.
44. Exploring your identity part 2 - Faith, doubt, trusting yourself and living in the grey
In this week’s episode we dive deep into Lindsay’s personal journey over the past year and the biggest shift she’s experienced in her identity. This is such a vulnerable episode and we’re so grateful to the courage Lindsay showed in sharing her story.
We explore the way that Lindsay’s relationship to faith has completely changed and how she’s moved away from some of the core beliefs she’s held throughout her life. We talk about how it can feel scary and uncomfortable to question your beliefs and core parts of your identity and the way that building a deep sense of self-trust, self-acceptance and self-love can help you through those moments.
We discuss how there are aspects of ourselves that we sometimes hide or deny in order to belong to a group and how that can be problematic. We often compromise parts of ourselves, our values or our beliefs because we fear the rejection of others. But if we can find the courage to love ourselves and belong to ourselves, we can feel ok and safe in the face of rejection and there is true liberation in that.
As much as we often want things to be black and white or right and wrong, because we crave certainty and answers, the reality is that life is truly complex and we need to become comfortable with living in the grey and dancing in the questions.
Resources Mentioned:
Reverend Angel Kyodo Williams - https://angelkyodowilliams.com/
Dare To Lead Podcast - Brené with Adam Grant on the Power of Knowing What You Don’t Know
The Enneagram - https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/type-descriptions
43. Exploring your identity part 1 - What have you lost? What do you want to let go of? What’s becoming more important to you?
In part 1 of this short series of episodes about identity we reflect on a few different questions to start exploring how you may have changed since the pandemic began.
Take a moment and have a think about these questions...
Do you feel you’ve changed over the past 15 months?
Have you noticed certain expectations have been lowered during this time?
If so, how has the lowering of these expectations allowed you to shift your identity?
What aspects of your identity have you lost or haven’t been able to express lately?
What has become more important to you? Have you honed in on your values?
What part of your identity have you dropped? Or what do you want to let go of?
We get personal in this episode (don’t we always?) and explore our own answers to these questions. Lindsay and Koes talk about the positive experience of living more intentionally during the pandemic and noticing the relationships that have become really important to them. Sam opens up about her own struggles with depression during this time and how self-compassion is really helping her through it.
We discuss how mental health struggles are a very appropriate response to an incredibly difficult time and how it really is ok not to be ok. And of course, if you’re experiencing mental health challenges then we really encourage you to not only double down on the tools of self-compassion that we’re always preaching about, but also reach out for professional support. You’re not alone in this.
Resources Mentioned:
The imperfects podcast - The Academy of Imperfection with Ben Crowe
42. How have you changed in the past year? An introduction to exploring new identities...
We’ve decided to change things up a little on our podcast over the next few weeks. Today’s episode is an introduction to themes we’re going to explore over the coming episodes. Questions of identity.
As anyone who’s been through a transition knows, big changes often lead to changes in our identity and make us reflect on who we are and who we want to be. For the first time in most of our lifetimes, the whole world has been through a transition together and you may be wondering - what now? Who have you become? Who do you want to be? What do you want to let go of? What have you learned about yourself that you want to incorporate into a post-pandemic life? What’s really important to you?
All of these questions (and more) will be explored in the next few episodes. We can’t wait to share these episodes and navigate these changes together.
And if you have questions or stories about transition, change and identity, then please share them with us by sending us a DM @youareinfinitelyloved. We’d love to hear from you and incorporate your ideas into our episodes.
41. Do You Procrastinate? Here’s A New Way To Approach Things...
This week’s episode is all about procrastination. That annoying habit so many of us are familiar with where we put things off that we know we have to do and then beat ourselves up for procrastinating.
We talk about the work of Adam Grant and a new way of looking at procrastination that focuses on the emotional side of things. Because when you really think about it, you’re not avoiding particular tasks for no reason, you’re avoiding the negative emotion that you associate with completing that task. If you can uncover what that particular emotion is, then you can find ways to work with it and move forwards.
We discuss the shame associated with procrastination because of the huge value that society places on productivity and why that can be problematic.
We also talk about the difference between precrastinators and procrastinators and the benefits and downfalls of both. You read that right, there are actually some benefits to procrastination!
Finally, we talk about why this has become even more of an issue during the pandemic and why it’s perfectly ok if you find yourself procrastinating more than usual at the moment. We get it!
Resources Mentioned:
Procrastinate Much? Manage Your Emotions, Not Your Time - Adam Grant
40. One Year On...Pandemic Check-in And Resetting Expectations
Can you believe it’s been a year of this? A year has passed since covid came along and shook up everything about our lives. In today’s episode we reflect on how we’re feeling a year later and the importance of re-setting our expectations during this time.
We talk about the resilience of humans, the very real struggles that people are facing, how to recognise if you’re experiencing depression or anxiety and the importance of asking for help.
And of course, it wouldn’t be our podcast if we didn’t also talk about how you can take care of yourself and be self-compassionate at a time like this - in fact, at any time!
We’d love you to reflect after you listen...How are you feeling 12 months on?
Resources Mentioned:
39. Want To Feel More Energised? Here Are Some Ideas...
Our episode today is all about energy. It goes without saying that a lot of people have been feeling very drained and tired over the past 12 months and struggling to know how to feel more energised and motivated. We totally get it. Which is why we wanted to talk about it more in this episode.
Sam goes through a more holistic approach to energy and talks about the four different sources of energy based on the work of Tony Schwartz. We talk about your physical energy, mental energy, emotional energy and spiritual energy and simple ways that you might be able to boost each of these areas.
Getting to know yourself really well and being aware of what gives you energy and what drains your energy is key to being able to love yourself well. If you can recognise what you need to top-up and restore your energy and put in place appropriate boundaries, ask for help and prioritise those needs, that’s a huge act of self-love.
If you enjoy this episode and you want to learn more about energy and strategies you can personalise to get the most out of your day, then check out Sam’s masterclass - Energised.
Resources Mentioned:
Energised Masterclass by Sam (SparKd) - www.sparkdcommunity.com/energised-masterclass
38. How To Give And Receive Feedback Well
In this week’s episode of the podcast we’re talking about feedback. How to give feedback effectively, how to receive feedback well and how to love yourself through the whole process. Koes takes us through Kim Scott’s Radical Candor framework and how that’s helped him and his team have honest and helpful conversations.
Lindsay talks about how we can use this approach in a self-loving way to give ourselves honest and helpful feedback, rather than berate ourselves with self-criticism. Sam takes us through Tara Mohr’s work on how to unhook from praise and criticism and evaluate what feedback is appropriate to take on board and how to do that.
We discuss the idea that when negative feedback sticks to us and really hurts, it’s usually because it’s mirroring a belief that we already hold about ourselves. It’s helpful to recognise these beliefs and to start to unpack them with humility and curiosity. We are all doing the best that we can AND, we can learn to do better.
We also talk about the ultimate tool for improving the relationship you have with yourself and give you practical ways you can cultivate it in your life.
Resources Mentioned:
Self-Compassion by Kristen Neff
www.self-compassion.org - Website with great free resources by Kristen Neff
37. From Self-Awareness To Self-Attunement
After an 8-month break, we’re excited to be back with a new episode of the podcast. In this week’s episode we look at a concept called self-attunement and how we can tune in to ourselves, to the people we are today and who we want to become, and make those changes and adjustments so that we’re living in alignment with our new values and priorities.
We talk about the problems of making assumptions about ourselves and others, and how those assumptions keep us rigid and stuck. We explore how we can give ourselves room to grow, to change and to evolve. It’s a discussion about the fluidity of identity, values, interests and priorities and how we can embrace this with excitement and curiosity.
How can you have a beginner’s mindset when it comes to yourself? How can you give yourself permission to experiment more? Permission to change your mind? Permission to have new values and new priorities?
We also talk about what each of us have learnt over the past 12 months and how we’re incorporating this new information about ourselves into our lives today. We hope you enjoy this discussion and we can’t wait to bring you more episodes.
Resources Mentioned:
36. Coping As A Parent During Lockdown
For all the parents out there who are finding lockdown challenging, this week’s episode is for you. Sam talks to Lindsay and Koes about their personal experience and how they’ve had to adjust their parenting and give themselves more grace during this unprecedented time.
We talk about how challenging it is to feel your own roller coaster of emotions as a parent, and to have to manage these at the same time that you try to manage and help regulate the emotions of your child. Not only that, this is a time when a lot of triggers are coming up, which could be causing even more pain and discomfort. For any parent that had a difficult childhood, this current crisis could be triggering your past trauma and reminding you of how unsafe and uncertain you felt back then. And to make things even harder, you can’t get time and space away from your triggers at the moment. You’re literally locked down in a house, having to parent your way through it all. It’s hard. We hear you.
Lindsay talks about the fact that the current situation is a recipe for a mental health crisis, and encourages any parent to drop the expectation of being a model parent during this time. When you think about it, unrealistic expectations of yourself aren’t healthy or helpful, so it’s time to release them and lower the bar.
We also discuss how to help kids talk about their feelings and anxiety, and the ways that you can show up for them and listen to what’s on their minds and in their hearts.
This is such a hard time, so whatever you’re feeling is totally normal, and we want to encourage you to give yourself a ton of kindness and grace. We’re all doing well at times and we’re all doing poorly, and it makes sense to be all over the place. It’s simply a reflection of the world at the moment. So it’s time to practice those self-compassion skills and build that muscle. When you judge yourself less, you open up more space for connection, and that’s what we all need now, more than ever.
35. How To Nurture Yourself And Create Positive Coping Mechanisms
Do you find yourself turning to coping mechanisms to get through this difficult time? Do these coping mechanisms feel nurturing and healthy or are you starting to wonder whether they’re having a negative impact? In this week’s episode of You Are Infinitely Loved, Lindsay, Koes and Sam share the different coping mechanisms they’ve been turning to during this pandemic.
We talk about developing self-awareness and noticing when a coping mechanism and something that feels nurturing starts to become problematic or self-destructive. What is that tipping point and how can you tune into it? We discuss the idea of finding a balance between caring for your present self whilst looking after your future self.
We also talk about why so many people are looking to things from their childhood right now to help them feel comforted and nurtured.
Being able to nurture yourself is one of the most self-loving things you can learn to do, so we encourage you to think about all of the things that you could possibly do to nurture your body, mind and soul.
Thanks for being here.
34. Giving Yourself More Grace And Lowering The Bar During A Crisis
This week we’re talking about the importance of resetting expectations, lowering the bar and being more gentle with yourself during these difficult times.
Lindsay, Koes and Sam share their personal experiences over the past couple of weeks and how they’ve each been affected by the crisis and the different ways they’re coping. We talk about why this can be an exhausting time because there’s a ton of energy that you’re using to process trauma, uncertainty and a big emotional load.
We want to encourage you to consider what your bare minimums are during this time. What are the small things that you really want to focus on? If you had to pick 3 things that you want to get done each day, what would they be?
How can you be more self-loving during this time? How can you remove the feelings of guilt and shame and take away any expectations you may have of what you need to achieve during this time?
And finally we talk about being able to accept paradoxes and hold space for multiple truths to coexist at this time. Things can be really hard AND there can be wonderful opportunities. You can feel grateful AND completely sad at the same time. You might love spending more time with your kids AND find it incredibly difficult to not have any down time. All of it is valid. And whatever response you’re having during this time, know that it is okay and you are perfectly enough.
Thanks for listening.
33. Taking care of yourself and others during the Coronavirus
In this week’s episode of You Are Infinitely Loved, we’re talking about practical tools you can use to help you during these chaotic and uncertain times. We talk about the different responses people are having to the virus, and why it’s important not to judge yourself or anyone else’s response during this time.
We look at the best ways you can take care of yourself when anxiety and stress are running high. Whether it’s your physical health, your mental health or your social health, we give you suggestions for practices you can experiment with in each of these areas.
We talk about the importance of monitoring the media you’re consuming during this time and the very real effect that the news and the oversaturation of negative media can have on your physical and mental health. On the flip side, we also talk about how you can actively seek out positive sources of information in the online space and we share some of our favourite people to follow on social media.
And to finish this week’s episode, Sam leads us through a 7min Loving Kindness meditation, to ground us all in an energy of love and compassion for our world. As always, thanks for listening.
32. The difference between narcissism and self-love
This week’s episode of You Are Infinitely Loved is an important one because we’re discussing the key differences between narcissism and self-love. What’s interesting is that these two things are so completely different and yet many people fear that if they become “too self-loving” or they spend too much time focused on themselves, they will become narcissistic. We can guarantee you that this won’t happen, and we hope that by the time you’ve listened to this episode, you’ll be convinced about just how different they are.
These days, the words narcissism and narcissist get thrown around quite a lot, and there’s a lot of us who may be unfairly labeling people as narcissists, so we wanted to get into the details and really explore the definition of narcissism. Lindsay cracks open the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) and we go through the official definition of narcissistic personality disorder line by line.
If you’re struggling with narcissistic personality disorder, or you know someone who is and it’s having a negative impact on your life, then we encourage you to reach out to a therapist and get the help and healing that you need.
31. How Therapy And Coaching Can Help On Your Self-Love Journey - Part 2, Coaching
We’re back this week with Part 2 of our series on how therapy and coaching can help you on your self-love journey. In this week’s episode we’re exploring coaching in more detail and discussing when a person would benefit from seeing a coach and what they might expect from the experience.
Lindsay and Koes interview Sam about her personal experience with coaching, and why it was such an impactful moment in her life. Sam talks about the benefits of having a structured time frame, getting clear on what you want to achieve within that time, and having someone encourage you and hold you accountable to taking decisive action to achieve that goal.
We also talk about all the different types of coaching - health coaching, business coaching, life coaching, career coaching, spiritual coaching, creativity coaching - the list is really endless - and the differences between them. We give you ideas about how you can find the right coach for you and we talk about why accreditation is important. We also go through what life coaching is NOT, which is super important to know, because there’s a lot of misunderstanding about this particular type of service.
We really hope you enjoy this episode and that you consider working with a coach or therapist on your self-love journey. It’s really helped us along the way.
How therapy and coaching can help on your self-love journey - Part 1, Therapy
In this episode we take a look at the key differences between therapy and coaching, and explore when a person might need the support of a therapist or coach.
This is part 1 of a 2-part series, and in this episode we explore therapy in more detail, and how it can help you in your life and on your self-love journey. We talk about the different types of therapy available, how to find a therapist, why you should ‘interview’ your therapist and what to look out for when you’re looking for a therapist.
Lindsay shares her tips for finding a good therapist and gives you some ideas for what you can ask in a therapy consult call. We discuss why it’s so important to find a good fit with your therapist and to make sure you have a connection that feels strong and safe.
All 3 of us have been to therapy at different times in our life and Lindsay and Koes both share what their personal experiences of therapy have been.
In our next episode, we’ll look at coaching in more detail and share our personal and professional experiences.
Resources Mentioned:
Therapy Den - https://www.therapyden.com/
Psychology Today - https://www.psychologytoday.com/us
Setting Yourself Up For A Joyful 2020
Welcome back to the You Are Infinitely Loved podcast for 2020. We’re super excited to be back and we’re looking forward to another year full of lots of juicy conversations about all things self-love.
We start this week’s episode with a discussion about the year ahead and the words that Sam, Lindsay and Koes have each chosen to help guide them in 2020. What’s your word of the year?
And then we dive deep into the topic of JOY and how you can practically create more joy in your life. It’s all about tuning in, becoming aware of the things that bring you joy, and intentionally making choices that will bring more of these things and these moments into your life.
We talk about how to create a joy list, and where you can start with this exercise if you’re feeling a bit stuck and not even sure what makes you feel joyful these days.
It’s important to know that what brings you joy will shift and change throughout your life (like everything in life), and so it’s good to become super aware of what joy looks like to you now, and to consciously make space for these experiences.
Wishing you all a super joyful 2020!
Happy Holidays From Us
A quick message to wish you happy holidays and let you know we'll be taking a short break over Christmas and New Years. We hope you have a wonderful break and that you're able to spend some time with loved ones and recharge your batteries. We can't wait for 2020 and plenty more episodes coming your way. See you back here on the 21st of January. Happy Holidays! Love Sam, Lindsay and Koes
Resentment-proof your holidays
It’s that time of year again! The holidays can be a tricky season to navigate - emotions run high, social and family commitments appear left, right and centre and this creates a perfect storm for a lot of us to be triggered. So what can you do to ensure you’re not only surviving the holiday season, you’re actually thriving? And how can you resentment-proof the season so you arrive on the other side feeling calm and ready for the new year?
In this week’s episode, we dive into the topic of boundaries and why it’s so important to learn how to implement boundaries effectively, particularly at this time of year. After all, the holidays can be a hotbed for potential resentment because we often feel over committed and obligated to do a whole lot of things we don’t want to do. And the way you protect yourself from feeling this resentment, is by setting healthy boundaries and taking responsibility for your choices. We’ll take you through a simple tool to help you work out what boundaries you need to set, and we’ll also discuss why making more intentional choices at this time of year is one of the best things you can do.
Lindsay talks about the emotional energy that family triggers and trauma can cause at this time of year, and how to make sure you’re doing things that restore your energy and meeting your own needs so you’re feeling refreshed in January rather than burnt out. The holiday season really is an invitation to you to take excellent care of yourself.
And you know what? Even if you’re feeling completely burnt out by the end of the holidays, and you didn’t quite set the boundaries you wanted to, that’s completely ok. It’s time to be gentle with yourself and practice some self-compassion.
Wishing you a beautiful holiday season from Lindsay, Koes and Sam.
Finishing 2019 In A Self-Loving Way
In this week’s episode, we’re talking about how to reset your expectations for the rest of the year so you can finish 2019 in a self-loving way.
For so many of us, the holidays can be an overwhelming time when we feel pressured to fit in multiple commitments and our to-do list seems to be growing by the second. So how can you take that to-do list of yours and make some adjustments so that the holiday season feels how you want it to feel?
We go through a couple of different exercises from some wise women we know - Gretchen Rubin and Robyn Conley Downs - and explain how creating a Ta-Da list or a To-Don’t list can be healthy exercises in readjusting expectations for yourself.
We talk about the importance of working out how you want to feel for the rest of the year and then making decisions that align with the feelings you’ve chosen for yourself. We also discuss what happens when we take on the expectations of other people, rather than our own, and how you can let go of certain traditions this holiday season if they don’t feel nourishing to you.
We truly hope the ideas we talk about in this episode inspire you to finish the year in the most self-loving way possible.
One Year Anniversary Episode
In today’s episode we’re reflecting on our first year of podcasting and the lessons we’ve learned along the way.
We discuss how the podcast got started a year ago, what we were hoping we could create and what our original metrics were for this project. Lindsay, Koes and Sam each talk about their biggest takeaways and what this experience has meant for them.
We celebrate the fact that we have incredible listeners in over 50 countries and we are so, so grateful that you’re here and you’re listening. We love hearing from you and it’s definitely the highlight for all of us when you share your feedback and let us know what’s resonating for you.
We’re super excited to continue this podcast and keep diving deep into the topic of self-love and all of the different ways that it shows up in our lives. Please let us know what interests you and challenges you about self-love and we’ll keep showing up each week and doing our best to create episodes that you want to tune into. Thanks again for being on the ride with us. We appreciate you.
The Tyranny Of Self-Love Culture
In this week’s episode of You Are Infinitely Loved, we’re talking about what it’s like when you’re constantly surrounded by messages of self-love and you feel like you’re not doing it ‘right’, that you’re not being self-loving enough, that you should be doing things to improve the relationship you have with yourself, but you’re not and then you beat yourself up for not making the changes you want to make. Yes, that’s right, even the world of self-love can become tyrannical.
We talk about how you can be more gentle in your approach to self-love, and what to do when you’re not in a good space and even though you know all the tools, you have no motivation to actually practice the tools. We talk about depression and the very real impacts it can have on your life and how you cannot self-care your way out of mental illness.
We discuss social media and the fairly narrow and one-dimensional representation of self-love messages that’s common to see in your feeds. We believe that we need to have a multi-dimensional view of a topic that is incredibly broad and deep. Sam goes through her 10 components of self-love and we talk about how you can begin to identify which of these 10 components you’re doing well in, and which of them might need a little work.
And finally, we talk about why self-compassion is the foundation of self-love and why we believe this is the most important component that you can build in your life.
Friendships 101: How To Nurture Close Connections And Let Go Of Friendships That Have Run Their Course
In this week’s episode of You Are Infinitely Loved, we’re talking about the ins and outs of friendship. How to create new friends as an adult, what to do when you realize certain friendships are no longer serving you, how to set boundaries with your friends and getting to know your own friendship needs and expectations.
We discuss the different tiers of friendship, and how to prioritize the friends in your closest tier - the ones that you feel deeply connected to, that bring you joy and that reflect back to you the person you want to be in the world.
We also talk about navigating difficult conversations with friends when you realize the friendship no longer serves you or that you want to spend less time with this person. Sometimes friendships are for a season in our lives, so what do you do when that season is over?
One of the most powerful acts of self-love is choosing to surround yourself with people that love you, uplift you, bring you joy, support you, listen to you and show up for you - so who are those people for you? If you really loved yourself, who would you spend your free time with?
Ending Perfectionism And Feeling Good With Robyn Conley Downs
Are you a perfectionist? Do you have impossibly high standards for yourself or are you often comparing yourself to others? In this week’s episode, we talk to the incredible Robyn Conley Downs about the problems of perfectionist thinking and how you can develop a kinder approach and mindset that helps you get results and feel good in the process.
Robyn is a mother, author, podcaster and creator of the Feel Good Effect, and she’s recently been named one of the most influential women in wellness. She has a Master’s degree in education, with an emphasis on behavior change and she combines this research background with her work as a certified yoga teacher, specializing in mindfulness and self-compassion, to share science-based, simple solutions to help people feel good.
We loved talking to Robyn about her wellness journey and hearing her practical tips for how you can feel better in your life. We discuss how perfectionism doesn’t need to be a label that you over-identify with, it’s simply an approach and a mindset that’s unhealthy, and it’s something you can change through simple practices - you really can rewire your brain!
Robyn talks about the striving and comparison mindset versus the feel good mindset, and why learning to trust what feels good to you is one of the most self-loving things you can do.
We talk about the fear many people have that if they’re gentle and kind to themselves they won’t be able to achieve their goals or be productive, and the fact that science has proven that the complete opposite is true. If you have a gentle and self-compassionate approach, you actually increase your chances of successful results and achieving your goals, in a consistent and sustainable way.
If you love this episode with Robyn as much as we do, then keep an eye out for her upcoming book and check out the resources below.
Resources Mentioned:
The Feel Good Effect Podcast - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/feel-good-effect/id1247583410
Real Food Whole Life - www.realfoodwholelife.com
Robyn’s Instagram - @realfoodwholelife
How To Cope And Make Friends With Your Negative Emotions
How do you deal with your negative emotions? Are you able to sit with your sadness, anger, frustration, grief, loneliness, overwhelm, disappointment, or any other difficult emotion and really accept it and process it? Or do you tend to ignore these feelings? Try to overpower them? Numb them with food? Alcohol? Netflix? Work? Busyness?
For many of us, negative emotions are something we try to block out of our experience. Whether it’s because we’re ashamed of them, or don’t want to be associated with negativity, there can be a lot of pressure to be positive and happy most of the time. But when we deny the way that we’re actually feeling, and villainize our negative emotions, this leads to disconnection from ourselves, making decisions that aren’t aligned with our values, not to mention all kinds of physical and mental health problems.
In this week’s episode we talk about a new way of understanding your negative emotions and the important messages they might be signaling to you. We discuss the negative impact of unprocessed emotions and we suggest healthy ways that you can process your emotions.
We want you to become hospitable to your emotions and know that all of your emotions are welcome here. Because when you’re at peace with the full range of your emotional experience, you’re also able to witness those emotions in other people and hold a compassionate space for them to feel and to heal.
We also talk about the most self-loving way to approach your emotions, which is always with curiosity and compassion.
If you know someone who could benefit from learning more about emotional health and how to cope with negative emotions, please share this episode with them.
Sam Thomas: On Overcoming Poor Body Image Through Self-Love
In the first episode of You Are Infinitely Loved, we interview one of the co-founders of the podcast, Sam Thomas, about her personal journey with self-love and how she was able to move from a place of high self-loathing and very poor body image to a place of complete self-acceptance and self-love. We go back into Sam’s past, where the self-loathing began, how it continued and grew worse throughout high school, the way it showed up for her in her twenties and then we look at the pivotal moment when it was pointed out to Sam that there might be another way of looking at her body and a path to self-acceptance. Sam also shares her number one tool for turning down the volume on your negative self-talk, and why she believes that self-loathing (and NOT self-love) is one of the most selfish ways of being.
Kurt Kroon: On the intersection of self-love and Christian spirituality
Do you believe that you’re fundamentally good at your core? That underneath it all you’re a perfectly worthy, deserving and loveable human being? Or do you believe that you’re flawed in some way? That your goodness has been masked by certain actions, behaviors, thoughts or mistakes you’ve made and you rely on God’s love to save you?
In this week’s episode, we have a fascinating conversation with Kurt Kroon about the intersection between self-love and the church, the conflicting messages you can receive and the way Kurt has been able to reframe the messages he grew up with and become the pastor he is today.
We discuss some of the problematic messages of the church, and the ways these can be in direct opposition to the message of self-love. One such message that many Christians have received from the church is that they shouldn’t trust themselves - that there’s something bad about who they are, but if they listen to what the church tells them to do, they can be ‘fixed’ by Jesus. We look at the danger of messages like these that teach people to outsource their voice and rely on external sources to tell them what to do, and we give you some ideas for how you can rediscover your internal voice and learn to trust yourself again.
We also talk about the nature of truth and the human desire to ‘know’ all the answers and have certainty about the world. We go into Kurt’s personal journey and how being given permission to ask questions and get curious about the messages of his faith, rather than accept them as foregone truths, opened up a whole world of wonder.
And stay tuned until the end, because we discuss some ideas that we know will resonate with so many of you - the difference between self-love and arrogance, the prevalence of imposter syndrome and how to truly take care of yourself when things get tough.
We hope you love this episode as much as we do and if you know someone that needs to hear these messages, please share it with your friends.
Sarah Von Bargen: How to spend your time, money and energy on purpose
Are you living your life with intention and making decisions that align with your deepest values every day? Or do you feel like your life is running on autopilot and you don’t have time to stop and think about your values, let alone whether you’re living in alignment with them?
In this week’s episode, we speak to the wonderful Sarah Von Bargen and explore what it’s like to live an intentional life and how this is one of the most self-loving things you can do. Sarah is a writer and blogger who teaches people how to spend their time, money and energy on purpose. She does this through her writing, coaching, workshops and online courses she’s created such as Bank Boost, Habit School and The No Grocery Challenge.
We talk about what it means to live with intention and why getting to know yourself really well and noticing what makes you happy are some of the simplest and most powerful things you can do for your life. We also discuss the “authenticity tax” - a concept Sarah came up with to describe the price you pay for choosing to live a life that’s true to you, which might not be the conventional life that others expect you to choose.
We explore the connection between self-love and money and how your relationship with money is often a reflection of the relationship you have with yourself. Sarah talks about the ways that people often use shopping as a stand-in for self-care and she shares a resource she’s created to help people stop buying stuff they don’t need. We also talk about money shame and why talking openly and honestly about your money (when appropriate), can really help to reduce the shame and constant comparing.
Sarah gives a lot of great information in this episode, and we really encourage you to check-out her resources below.
Resources Mentioned:
How To Figure Out What Makes You Happy - https://yesandyes.org/2016/05/how-to-figure-out-what-makes-you-happy.html
Bank Boost - https://school.yesandyes.org/p/bankboostbook
How To Stop Buying Sh*t You Don’t Need - https://yesandyes.lpages.co/stop-buying-sht-you-dont-need/
The “I Deserve It’ Loophole - https://yesandyes.org/2019/07/i-deserve-it-loophole.html
Make It Stick Habit School - https://school.yesandyes.org/p/habitsdiy
Taking A Break Is Ok
We look at the way that modern society tends to value productivity more than rest and the detrimental effects this can have if the message we receive is that it’s not okay to take a break. We also discuss the negative labels and language we use when we talk about rest and how this contributes to the problem.
We talk about the emotions that can come up when things don’t turn out the way we originally planned, or when we need to change our goals and commitments to ourselves and others - from frustration, to guilt, to disappointment and feeling like we’re letting people down.
We discuss the fact that self-loving practices differ from person to person and from season to season and why we need to tune-in to what feels self-loving for us, right now, in the season that we’re currently living in.
Katie Coyle: On Self-Compassion And Self-Love As Essential Tools For Parents And Kids
Katie is a pediatric nurse, a writer, an advocate for early intervention, a mother of 3 beautiful children, and a wonderful friend to Lindsay, Koes and Sam.
We discuss Katie’s personal journey to parenthood, which involved infertility issues and Katie conceiving premature twins through IVF at the age of 26. Katie opens up about how difficult this process was and the body shame she felt because her body wasn’t functioning as it was ‘supposed to’. We talk about how Katie found herself at breaking point about 18 months after giving birth and how this became her invitation to becoming more self-compassionate and learning how to love herself well.
We look at the ways that children learn through observing their parents, and why this means practising self-love is the ultimate lesson for parents to learn, so they can role model this behaviour to their children. Katie shares why dropping perfectionism as a standard is a must and how adopting a growth mindset is a more powerful alternative.
Katie also shares some great tools to help children when they’re feeling anxious and upset, how to use story and play as tools to teach self-compassion and what to do when kids or parents are feeling flooded. Katie is an absolute wealth of knowledge, she has a heart of gold and we feel so lucky to have her on our podcast.
Susan Piver: On The 4 Noble Truths of Love And The Wisdom Of The Enneagram
We discuss how Susan first became interested in Buddhism, why this particular spiritual path appealed to her and how this led to her becoming a meditation teacher. We explore the way that Susan views meditation as a path to love rather than a self-improvement technique or life-hack. Susan explains how through sitting with yourself in meditation and allowing yourself to just be who you are, this opens you up to gentleness. And as you practice softening towards yourself, this allows you to soften towards others and approach them with the same compassion and gentleness.
We talk about the intersection between intimate relationships and self-love and how the way that you treat yourself and talk to yourself can bleed over into your intimate relationship and the way you talk to your partner. The closer you get to a person, the more intertwined you become and if you’re someone who speaks harshly to yourself, as these boundaries become blurred, you’ll probably find yourself speaking harshly to your partner.
We also talk about the notion people have that you have to love yourself first in order to be in a healthy, loving relationship and why Susan believes this is a myth and in some ways, an act of aggression towards yourself.
We go through her 4 Noble Truths of Love as a helpful way of understanding modern relationships and the personal insight Susan has gained from her own marriage of 20 years. Last but not least, we chat to Susan about the wisdom of the enneagram - an ancient typology tool that is extremely helpful in understanding yourself and others. We hope you enjoy this episode as much as we enjoyed chatting to and learning from Susan.
Jonathan Fields: On self-awareness and finding work that lights you up as an act of self-love
We discuss the ways in which self-awareness is a precursor to self-love and how so much of Jonathan’s work has a focus on self-enquiry and developing a deep level of self-knowledge. We look at where his fascination with the human condition, psychology and human performance began in college, how he followed that curiosity over the years and the profound impact that 9/11 had on his life and work.
We talk about the way we learn to love ourselves in relation to the way we interact with others and how important it is to find communities that foster connection, acceptance and belonging. Jonathan shares so much insight about how we can create amazing communities by being completely open about the values the community stands for, modelling those behaviours, and intentionally designing experiences with social dynamics, interaction and safety in mind. It’s this safe container that allows people to be open and vulnerable, which is what leads to greater connection and belonging.
We also go into Jonathan’s latest work with Sparketypes, which is all about helping you discover your unique source code for work that fills you with a sense of meaning and purpose and allows you to feel fully engaged and fully expressed in the world. We discuss how unloving it is to spend the vast majority of your time doing things that conflict with your essential nature, and why so many people find themselves in this position with the work that they do. Jonathan believes that through learning more about who you are, what matters to you most, and what feels deeply meaningful, this gives you the self-knowledge to know what to say yes or no to in a way that nourishes you and it’s these choices that lead to self-fulfilment or self-love.
Finally, we talk about Jonathan’s self-care rituals and why dark chocolate just might be the solution to everything. We hope you enjoy this episode as much as we enjoyed speaking to Jonathan.
Resources Mentioned:
Good Life Project - www.goodlifeproject.com
Sparketypes - www.goodlifeproject.com/sparketest/
Creating Space In Your Life
We speak to Sam about a recent digital detox she decided to take, and what it felt like to be completely disconnected from all devices and alone with her thoughts. We discuss the ways we’ve become accustomed to plugging every second of space with checking our phones, and what it’s like when that reflex is taken away.
Lindsay talks about her latest art project and how she has created the space for that in her life. We look at how creating space can be seen or feel as though it’s self-indulgent, and how we can reframe that and recognise that creating space is essential for all of us. We also discuss the fact that so many people are addicted to being busy and why it is that we resist creating space in the first place.
Jeffrey Davis: On Remembering Your Young Genius And Tracking Wonder As A Path To Self-Love
We discuss the power of reconnecting with your younger self and uncovering, what Jeffrey refers to as your young genius. What were those innate and wonderful character traits and qualities that you embodied as a young child and how can you show up with them today? Remembering your young genius and honoring your essential nature is a beautiful act of self-love. After all, the more you can develop a deep understanding of who you are, what makes you come alive and really nurture those things, the more enriching your life will be.
We talk about Jeffrey’s lifelong fascination with tracking wonder - what it means and how wonder can actually be a vehicle towards self-love. As Jeffrey so eloquently says “moments of wonder can open you up to seeing yourself and the natural beauty and truth of yourself again. And that’s true in helping you see other people anew as well.” In fact, Jeffrey talks about how one of the greatest indicators of self-love is when you’re all the more open to the world and others around you.
We also look at the ways that self-love can enhance a person’s creativity and how a healthy self-regard is needed in order for people to listen to their young genius over the naysayers and have the courage to put their creative ideas into the world.
What Would You Do If You Loved Yourself?
We look at where Lindsay, Sam and Koes are each using this question in their life at the moment and what’s coming up for them. We talk about the importance of continuing to ask this question again and again, because the answer can shift and change from day to day. It’s all about tuning in to how you feel in the present moment, being honest with yourself, trusting the answer to that question and then having the courage to take action in alignment with your answer.
We also discuss how this question can help you to set healthy boundaries and whether or not this question can also lead to selfish behaviour when the answer to it negatively impacts other people.
Practising Self-Compassion As An Entry Point To Self-Love
We look at what self-compassion is and give you practical examples of where Lindsay, Koes and Sam have each practised self-compassion in their own lives. We talk about why the tendency to beat yourself up and use punishment as a form of motivation just doesn’t work and we offer an alternative, kinder way of being. We discuss the benefits of dropping your impeccably high standards and how lowering the bar can actually lead to wonderful results. We also share Dr. Kristin Neff’s self-compassion break, which is a 3-part mindfulness process that you can use to help deepen your self-compassion and self-love.
Valentines Day Special: Self-Love in and out of relationships
Sam talks about how self-love plays out in her life as a single woman and how she is both happily single, but also wanting an intimate relationship. She believes it was cultivating self-love that moved her from unhappily single to happily single, as she was no longer relying on someone else to make her feel loved and accepted.
Lindsay and Koes talk about what self-love looks like in their marriage and how their behaviour towards one another has changed as a result of them each building their self-love. They talk about the early days of their marriage when they didn’t know what self-love was and how they used to rely on one another to feel loved.
We also look at how relationships can be the best space to explore self-love and how it’s important to understand that self-love isn’t a destination you arrive at, but an ongoing process and a way of treating yourself. The best question to ask yourself is - how do I love myself in this moment?
We also share tools and tips for how to feel the way you want to feel this Valentines Day, no matter what your relationship status.
Using Counter-Evidence To Counteract Negative Self-Belief
This episode looks at your in-built confirmation bias - essentially the way in which your brain is actively seeking evidence all day long for what you already believe to be true - and how that can be incredibly destructive when you have a negative self-belief. Your confirmation bias is always going to find evidence that this negative self-belief is true, because that’s what it’s designed to do.
The counter-evidence tool that we share in this episode is designed to counteract your confirmation bias. The good news is, that for every piece of evidence there is always counter evidence to support the opposing viewpoint - it’s just that you aren’t used to looking for it. If you actively look for the counter evidence to your negative self-belief, you will find it, and as you continue to do so, you will build a large body of evidence that supports an alternate, positive self-belief.
We also look at the ways that you can make using this tool a habit, through implementing the work of Gretchen Rubin and her Four Tendencies framework.
Gayla Gower: On Grappling With Divorce And Learning To Trust Yourself
We talk to Gayla about the woman she was when she first got married - a person who didn’t trust herself, who decided to trust what her friends and family thought more than her own gut. Gayla gives us an insight into what her marriage felt like, and how she was able to recognize that the unhealthy and neglectful treatment in her marriage was something that felt familiar to her because of her childhood.
Gayla openly shares how a strongly-held belief that her children would turn out better if they had 2 parents kept her from getting a divorce and the insightful comment that her therapist made, which shifted the way Gayla saw the whole situation. As someone who exemplifies love and compassion, Gayla’s story is a beautiful one of resilience, building self-trust and getting a second chance at life so that Gayla can now be fully herself - a woman who sees it as her mission to bring joy to the world.
A Self-loving approach to goal setting
For many people, the New Year can be a positive time of reflection, where you pause to take stock of your achievements and learnings from the previous year and think about what you most want to create for the year ahead. It can be a time that feels inspiring and motivating, which gives rise to a lot of New Year’s Resolutions. But for the majority of people, the inspiration and motivation doesn’t last, with one study suggesting that only 8% of people actually achieve their New Year’s goals. So what’s going on here? Why are so many people failing to follow-through on the resolutions that they set for themselves? In this episode, we talk about some of the reasons this might be happening - from unhealthy goal-setting to the difference between goals and habits and why sometimes setting goals can actually be counterproductive to creating the changes we want to make. We discuss the importance of intrinsic motivation, setting feelings-based goals and being kind to yourself in the pursuit of a goal.
Kristoffer “KC” Carter: On The Power Of Meditation To Cultivate A Loving Relationship With Yourself
KC shares a helpful exercise called a Lens Statement, which is about crafting an overarching personal philosophy through which you see the world. It affirms who you are in your highest potential and becomes a beautiful and powerful way of talking to yourself.
We talk about KC’s journey with self-love and how it started with him trying to become somebody that he wanted to spend time with. This simple way of approaching self-love has brought a sense of play to it all - KC mentions how he sees it as a big game to try and be someone whose company he enjoys.
We also go into KC’s journey with sobriety and the way he defines the virtue of sobriety as being in complete alignment with your circumstances and not hiding anywhere. Sobriety has become so much more than just giving up drinking, it is something that KC moves towards in all aspects of his life because it deepens his relationship with himself and others.
Finally we discuss all of the incredible benefits of meditation, from a scientific, physiological and spiritual perspective. KC talks about the connection to self-love and how meditation is really about the ability to be present with all of the noise in your head and redirect your awareness back towards the truth of your heart. Stay tuned until the end of this episode, because KC guides us through a beautiful and powerful self-love meditation.
Practising Self-Love During The Holidays
In this episode we talk about what it looks like to practise self-love during the holidays. How can you create a holiday season that feels calm and peaceful rather than stressful and exhausting? We share simple tools that you can use to incorporate self-love into the month of December and make sure that you’re serving your own needs at this busy time of year. We talk about healthy ways to process your emotions instead of numbing them, and Sam shares a simple way that you can start your day in a self-loving way by creating a morning routine. However and whatever you celebrate at this time of year, we wish you all a peaceful, joyful and (self) love-filled holiday season
Koes Bong: Self-Worth, Unemployment And Self-Love
In this episode we interview one of our co-founders, Koes, and get an insight into the world of self-love and self-compassion from a man’s perspective. What are the unique challenges that men face and why is it harder for men to access and discuss these ideas?
As we delve into Koes’ story, we learn how his upbringing in Indonesia, his family’s definition of success and the traditional way in which he viewed himself as the male breadwinner of the family all played a role in establishing his sense of worth.
For Koes, his self-worth was wrapped up in his intelligence and his ability to earn a lot of money, which meant that he put a lot of pressure on himself to be financially successful. So when Koes unexpectedly lost his job in November 2017, this became the ultimate test of his capacity to love himself and treat himself with compassion, and not equate his self-worth with his job and his financial success. Who was he really without all the labels?
We also look at Koes’ entry point into the world of self-love and self-compassion which came through attending Camp GLP, being exposed to new ideas, and confronting his long-held beliefs about himself and the world. Koes began meditating when he was at camp, which has become a daily practice for him, and has played a big role in his self-love and self-compassion journey. Koes shares his tips for anyone who wants to start a meditation practice and he also has a message for any men listening who think that self-love and self-compassion are not for them.
Lindsay Bong: On Breaking Free Of The Need For The Approval Of Others
In this episode Lindsay talks about the way in which she always felt that she had to work out what others needed from her and make sure she was meeting those needs so that they would like and accept her. She shares how this can make you forget who you are and deny your own needs and wants, essentially becoming invisible, in order to please others. We go into Lindsay’s upbringing, the role that her Christian faith has played alongside her journey of self-love, what happens when your self-worth is wrapped up in being of service to others and how to show up in your relationships without expectations. We also talk about the way in which being a parent and wanting to instill a sense of self-love in her children became Lindsay’s gateway into realising the importance of building her own self-love and self-compassion.
Lindsay shares how she builds her self-love, or “fills her love cup”, as she puts it and talks about her “joy diet”, which you’ll want to tune in for.
