The Zainab Kanu Show

Hello there! 

Welcome to season III, its been a longtime coming. Thank you for your dedication to your healing. Thank you for your support. I hope that season III is everything you need to either continue on your healing Journey or initiate your healing journey. 

On this season, we are going to dive into celebrities and some high profile mommy issues cases for educational purposes only. Example of celebrity: Oprah, Kenya Moore, Candice Bassett, Moniece Slaughter, Tonto, Atasha Johnson AKA Tommie, Darrell Hammond, and Mario to name a few. Please stay tune and grant me patience. I promise you, you are going to enjoy and it is going to propel you further into your healing Journey. 

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A story you may not want to hear but need to hear.

Let's talk about it! 

The golden child's perspective, her views on the mother you both share. 

Listen to Martina tell her side of the story and how she was Abel to bond and connect with the mother you both share.

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Let's talk about it! 

What is sexual pleasure?

What is masterbation? Is it okay? Should you be doing it? Is it good or bad?

How do you have pleasure after trauma? Any kind of trauma?

What about female circumcision? 

What is orgasm? Have you ever experienced it? 

Lets talk about it with Katrina Marie 

@myorgasmiclife

If you are like me, you know sexual pleasure is a needed pleasure and not to be dismissed as long as you are having it in a healthy way with the right partner or by yourself. 

Lets talk about it. 

@the_zainabkanushow

#taboo #sexualpleasure #pleasure #sexualpower #liberation #letstalkaboutit 

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Let's talk about it! 

Have you been the disposable friend? The friend that is discarded, cancelled, or called when the other party is bored?

Have you been the friend that is not checked on, always reaching out, wanting to connect with a deadline on the other end? 

Let's talk about being the easily disposed friend, the friend that only provides a temporary benefit to the other party.

On this episode, I am going to show you how you can get out of the disposable friend zone, be the friend that you deserve to yourself first, and make an opening for the right friend to come. 

Listen very carefully on the steps that you can take, to prevent or remove yourself from the disposable friend zone.

@thezainabkanushow

Let's talk about always having doubts and uncertainty that has been pasted on from generation to generation. Doubts that are not even our own. 

Limiting beliefs from family members filled with fear and despair unable to make a single move. 

well guess what, on this episode, we are going to talk about leveling up mentally, going from I can't to "oh yes I can" 

We are going to go from broken to blissful and from pain to purpose. 

lets do the work, make that mental shift with Sambra Marrodan 

@thezainabkanushow

@heralignedlife

2020....The year of drastic changes, opportunities, and successes. 

Let's talk about it. What could you have done differently, and what did you learn from it. 

#2020 #2021 #newyear #newyou #challenges 

A year to be grateful for, with lots of unwanted and devastating lessons.

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https://www.amazon.com/Soar-Build-Your-Vision-Ground/dp/1455553913/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=soar&qid=1611186770&sr=8-1

https://www.amazon.com/People-Who-Argue-Sick-Argumentative-ebook/dp/B00BLUTRIO/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=sick+people+argue&qid=1611186801&sr=8-1

For more content like this, subscribe to my YouTube channel ***new content every Thursday***   

#unchained #triggered #triggerprotectionmantra   

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Let's talk about your past trauma..... How it can physically cripple you  Mentally paralyze you  In this video, we talk about ways on how to unchain yourself from your childhood/past trauma to help you embrace your blissful life  Steps on how to unchain yourself

There is so much power in becoming the hero that you deserve. 

For more content like this, subscribe to my YouTube channel ***new content every Thursday*** 

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For  1:1 support/coaching email: Thezainabkanushow@gmail.com

Don't be like me, be better. Instead of wasting your time and waiting for someone to save you, save yourself. 

Don't give your power away by waiting for someone to save you. 

Instead choose you. 

#becomeunstoppable #beunstoppable #hero

Timeline

1:26 Issues that lead to be looking for a supper hero

2:40 - The type of superhero I was looking for

5:39 - The power in becoming the super hero you deserve

07:45 - what is a super hero

9:53 - What happened when I gave my power away

14:20 - How to take back your power

14:55 - why you should become the hero you deserve

19:06 - Steps on becoming the hero you deserve

This week our guest is the amazing Taryana Rocha.

For more amazing content follow me on IG @thezainabkanushow

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website: www.zainabkanu.com

You can find her on IG @Taryanarocha 

Youtube channel is Taryana Rocha 

Where to begin when it comes to the process of choosing you. How do you even know or make the determination that you need to choose you? 

A very painful process at first, when you come to the realization that you where never loved, nurtured, or even chosen by the one person that is supposed to love you the most. 

Well, look no further, Taryana is going to give you step by step instructions on how to do that. 

Timeline:

1:00 Who is Tary and what does she do?

2:55 reparenting yourself

7:43 what does loving yourself mean

26:00 secure attachment

28:00 self-gaslighting

32:20 attachment trauma

36:45 the golden child 

37:02 feeling shame

38:50 the 2 types of Narc

42:50 How to choose you

63:00 How to go no contact

68: 00 how to know which voice is yours

73: different types of flying monkeys

When we look at social media, everyone and everything looks perfect. However, a lot of times, the person that we maybe looking at is not actually living the life portrayed. Looks can be very deceiving.   

At first, I thought Theawna Brown, had the perfect life with her mother, and comes from the perfect family.  

 Until we had this interview session, I had no idea she had to choose herself, in order to change the trajectory of her life as well as her daughters life. In choosing herself, Theawna was able to start the healing process, that later transferred not only to her mother but to her daughter as well.   Healing is an energy! Once you begin the work, the energy can radiate beyond your wildest capacity and generational curses will be broken.   Let the healing begin.  

 Theawna has a bachelors of science in nursing, currently studying to be a nurse practitioner, a full time mother, full-time nurse, and a full-time life learner with a passion of healing through reiki.   Listen to Theawna heart felt poem as she describes what it was like growing up with her mother.   

IG: healingwiththea

How can you show kindness and compassion to others if you don't know how to give that to yourself. It all starts with you. What you give yourself, is what you reflect or radiate to others. so if hatred is what you give yourself on a day to day basis, then that is what you will display to the world. Show yourself some mercy by starting with empathy.

How can you show kindness and compassion to others if you don't know how to give that to yourself. It all starts with you. What you give yourself, is what you reflect or radiate to others. so if hatred is what you give yourself on a day to day basis, then that is what you will display to the world. Show yourself some mercy by starting with empathy.

When it comes to healing from within, you have to go within and replaced the old negative thoughts that is running within. you can't take from within and not replaced, and this is where filling your cup comes in.  Healing from within requires for you to be an active participant, know what you deserve, and go get it to replace the pain with love, joy, peace, positivities, and happiness.

Secure a healthy life, by filling your cup!!!!

When it comes to healing from within, you have to go within and replaced the old negative thoughts that is running within. you can't take from within and not replaced, and this is where filling your cup comes in.  Healing from within requires for you to be an active participant, know what you deserve, and go get it to replace the pain with love, joy, peace, positivities, and happiness. 

Secure a healthy life, by filling your cup!!!!

Forgiveness takes time and it has to come from within. If you do not go though the grieving process, the chances of you forgiving yourself are very slim. In this video, I'll walk you through how to forgive yourself the right way. Remember, do not allow anyone to force you into forgiveness.

Forgiveness takes time and it has to come from within. If you do not go though the grieving process, the chances of you forgiving yourself are very slim. The same goes for the person you need to forgive. In this video, I'll walk you through how to forgive yourself the right way, and forgive others to thrive in your healing journey. Remember, do not allow anyone to force you into forgiveness.

Often times, society minimizes or dismisses traumatic experiences as just another minute experience to get over. What some in society fail to realize is the impact adverse childhood experiences has on an individual. You may think, well, its no big deal, just adjust and get over it, or how about you don't thing of it at all. I wish it was that easy. Adverse Childhood Experiences can leave a person so broken to the point of physically crippling that individual. When not physically cripple, indecision overwhelms the mind of a person that has experienced a childhood trauma. So if you are someone that has experienced childhood trauma, please take the quiz to find out your score and what it means. 

https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2015/03/02/387007941/take-the-ace-quiz-and-learn-what-it-does-and-doesnt-mean

After finding out your Trauma score and understanding what it means, I want you to take the resilient quiz to empower yourself. 

https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/resilience-quiz.htm

Goodluck! 

You can't be you?

 Who told you that? 

When the world seems like a lonely place, a scary place, the only way to survive and thrive is by being you. 

Often times, we are forced to be someone else only to make the other person more comfortable. 

This can leaving one feel a sense of false self, fake, and a lack of presence. It is okay to be you. 

NO one has to be perfect. 

Allow Lillian Victoria to tell you her story on how to be you, unapologetically and be comfortable with it. 

I have struggled with being myself. Many times I have to dime my light to make others feel comfortable and accepted. This is a guide to help you filter out the publics voice, hear your own, and be you. 

Alyson Leinbach a Reiki healer is here to help you rewrite your story and get back your trauma. She will empower you to let go of all your baggings, and pick up your future. 

Alyson will give you step by step guide to change your life. 

In this episode, we are talking about the signs and symptoms of anxiety, the defeating affect it can have if not managed, and 9 ways on how to manage it. 

One of the ways is using energy healing called EFT. Below is the link for you to practice. 

What is Emotional Rock Bottom? 

• When you are left feeling hopelessness. You are at the bottom and can’t sink any lower than were you are emotionally. A state of absolute misery and wretchedness. Your extreme lowest. You feel lost, confused, and life is momentarily in shambles. 
• As i was researching, i found out that you have to hit rock bottom before you can be able to make a change. Do you agree? 
• Urban dictionary defines rock bottom as: “when you feel you have had it up to the roof top because you are mad enough to scream but you are also sad enough to tear up. 

Lesson from hitting an Emotional Rock Bottom.

• I realized how powerful I am and that I am in control of my life. I get to decide who to invite into my world. 
• I have made a decision to never accept mediocrity from myself and others. 
• I am no longer going to medicate on the negative experiences and hold on to it like its treasure when I have the power to just let it go and choose something else. 
• I got an opportunity to examine all my bad behaviors and how I lacked the tools to be better at the time. I started questioning everything. 
• I realized I was not were I thought I was
• Gain humility and compassion for myself and others
• Let go of everything because nothing is working anymore
• I am filled with gratitude 

My Emotional Maintenance Plan

• Daily prayer
• Daily medication
• I periodically do an emotional check in
• I am aware of the foods I eat
• Journal sometimes/ daily reflection
• Note card 

Most motherless daughters are afraid of becoming a mother for several reasons: 

1. Nobody taught them how to be a mom or do mommy things. 
2. You wont have anyone to call for good or bad things. 
3. You fear becoming your mother. 
4. You fear damaging your kids.
5.  You have very little good experiences from your childhood to discuss and relate with your child. 
6. You fear that your child is missing out on a grandmother. 

If this is you, this is what I want you to think about: 

1.  Don’t dismiss or interfere with your maternal instinct. 
2.  You will be more sensitive than your mother. 
3.  You can learn what you didn’t get from your mother.

Have you being labeled too sensitive, stupid, unlovable, stubborn, and lazy? Are you familiar with the term triangulation bu Murray Bowen? It means when mothers pitting children against each other. Is your brother or sister an advocate for your toxic mother? Remember, a narc needs her kids to not get along. She has orchestrated the relationship so someone is always on her side. First of, let me tell you that all children try to find a way to normalize their parents behaviors. I didn’t know that my mom toxic treatment was bad until i went to therapy. I knew something was wrong, but I didn’t know what. The same for my father. So it is normal for children to try and normalize/justify. Is that okay. Not really. Now some of us get out of it and some of our siblings don't. Especially the sibling that has been labeled the golden child. They may never get out of it. 

FLYING MONKEY: A narc tools for the smear campaign. A flying monkey is someone who does the narcissist’s bidding to inflict additional torment to the narcissist’s victim. Such behaviors include but are not limited to: spreading gossip, threatening, painting the narc as a victim, and the target as a perpetrator.

Some of the flying monkeys are family members, friends, etc

• SO this is why mothers separate the kids! She does not want them to form an alliance against her. She does not want them to develop strength. She had to separate them. Using kids against other kids. 
• THE GOLDEN CHILD (is favored or held in high esteem by others) VS SCAPE GOAT (a person who is blamed for the wrong things) in the bible, a scapegoat is an animal that is ritually burden with the sins of others and then driven away)
• Did you know the flying monkey term came from the wizard of oz. when the witch will send the monkeys to do her evil work. Who knew.
• A flying monkey is preselected, they same way you were selected as a victim. 
• Narc are experts in reading people and they know who will make an easy target and a puppet. 
• Some flying monkeys are narcs that are lesser narc, or sometimes people who are just too gullible, easily influenced, low self-esteem. 
• Be aware of a flying monkey
• They can ruin you twice as fast
• Protect yourself. Put yourself on guard!
• Cut them off! They are everywhere and very dangerous!
• Flying monkeys are everywhere
• You will have them at work, church, in a group of friends, social gathering etc. an example will be, you are working someone, you criticize how someone works, instead them taking ownership, they start to talk about you to other co-workers making you feel bad, because the co-workers then become flying monkeys and passively or indirectly start to do their bidding for them.

When you stand up:

• Be prepared to hear all sorts of statements of defense and denial. Keep in mind that the narc does not allow input. They have made up their mind and they have their own sense of reality
• Make sure you are willing to pay the price. It could be very high. Possible rejection, disbar, 
• Make sure you are willing to be consistently assertive. Not in a rude way. Not in a rude way, nasty way, or aggressively angry. Its being loyal to your values with respect and firmness. 
• Make sure you have a high commitment to your own authenticity. Meaning know who you are, and where you are trying to go. Commit to being authentic internally and externally. This will lead you to your freedom. You get to be you and think for yourself.  

HAPPY MOMMY'S DAY!!!! 

WHAT IS MOTHER’S DAY? 

1. MOTHER’S DAY IS TO HONOR GOOD MOMMIES. A MOMMY IS THE PERSON THAT RASIED YOU WITH LOVE, HONOR, NUTURING, CREATED A SAFE PLACE FOR YOU TO RUN TO, AND MENTORSHIP. A MOTHER IS THE PEROSN THAT GAVE BRITH TO YOU. THERE IS A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE TWO. A LOT OF WOMEN GIVE BIRTH, BUT VERY FEW ARE MOMMIES. 

WHAT IS A TRIGGER? 

1. A trigger is something that sets off a memory tape or flashback transporting the person back to the event of her/his original trauma. Triggers are very personal; different things trigger different people. Psych central.com 

HOW CAN YOU PREVENT TRIGGERS? 

1. Protect yourself by not engaging in an activity that you know might trigger you. 

HOW CAN YOU MANAGE TRIGGERS? 

1. Recognize your feelings, choose what you want to feel, and what you want to do. Practice self-care.

Going FB group page EMPOWERING MOTHERLESS DAUGHTERS.  ****FOLLOW ME: @EMPOWERING MOTHERLESS DAUGHTERS****

RATE, LIKE, COMMENT, SHARE, AND SUBSCRIBE. 

Why you Should practice boundaries, and how a lack of boundary can lead to an abusive or toxic relationship. 

Jane Collingwood says "setting clear boundaries is the key to ensuring relationships are mutually respectful, supportive, and caring. boundaries are a measure of self-esteem, and they set the limit for acceptable behavior from those around you. 

Having no boundaries causes:

1. people to take advantage of you
2. you are in a vulnerable position at all times
3. you are taken for granted by others

Benefits of having boundaries: 

1. DEVELOP SELF-RESPECT
2. YOU ARE TREATED WELL BY OTHERS
3. IT  PROTECTS YOU FROM BEING EXPLOITED BY OTHERS
4.  PREVENTS YOU FROM HOLDING ON TO RELATIONSHIP THAT DON’T HAVE YOUR BEST INTEREST AT HEART. 

THINGS TO DO TO ESTABLISH BOUNDARIES:

1. SAY NO TO UNREASONABLE REQUESTS AND REASONABLE ONES FORM TIME TO TIME IF THEY CONFLICT WITH YOUR PLANS. 
2. CHALLENGE ALL INSULTS THAT ARE MARKED AS HUMOR 
3. DON’T MAKE YOURSELF AVAILABLE 
4. LOOK AT WHY ARE YOU POPULAR WITH YOUR FRIENDS 

HOW TO MAINTAIN YOUR NEW BOUNDARY:

1. WRITE DOWN YOUR BOUNDARIES
2. BE CONSISTENT 
3. KEEP  THEM SIMPLE.SUCH AS YOUR BODY, YOUR SENSE OF PERSONAL SELF, YOUR SEXUAL ORIENTATION. 
4. STAY CALM 
5. BE REASONABLE FOR YOUR OWN EMOTIONAL REACTIONS RATHER THAN BLAMING OTHERS.
6. IF YOU NEED TO COMPROMISE, BE FLEXIBLE, BUT TAKE IT SLOWLY, AND DON’T AGREE TO ANYTHING THAT DOESN’T FEEL RIGHT. 

Go to breakthecycle.org/warning-signs to take the quiz for warning-signs. If you feel that you are in a toxic relationship or you noticed some signs but you are not sure, I want you to text, loveis to 22522 or call RAINN at 1800-656-4673 Take the healthy relationship quiz

What is self-care?

Practicing self care will remind you and others around you that you matter. It’s like sending a message to the world with out speaking. How you treat you, is how others are going to treat you too. When you prioritize your self care, you are prioritizing your mental health. A lack of self care means that you are not mentally well. 

 When you prioritize your self care, you are prioritizing your mental health

Examples of Self-care?

• Managing your time. When yo don’t know what to do with your time, other people will gobble up your time for you. Meaning, when you don’t manage your time well, other people will manage your time for you. 
• Sleep
• Prioritizing your meals
• Making time for friends
• Listening to your body
• Shaving /hygiene 
• Nourishing your skin
• Pampering yourself
• Removing yourself from bad situations 

Benefits of Self-care:

• Improves your physical, emotional, and mental health
• It makes you a better person in life and someone to be around
• A healthy work life balance 
• Stress management
• Start living and stop existing

CTA:

• Take a break when you need to 
• Listen to your body
• Meditate
• Light jogging
• Choose who you spend time with 
• Eat green daily
• Avoid emotional eating 
• Learn to say no
• Stop over thinking 
• Laugh daily
• Give yourself a little upgrade 
• Stop letting the little things get to you

Information is from Bustle and Better-help. 

Growing up with a toxic or emotionally absent mother affected how I loved and the type of friend I was to others. 

Some of the things motherless daughters experience in a friendship are:

1. lack of boundaries
2. people pleasing
3. lack of validation
4. feeling like you are not good enough
5. guilt for wanting more
6. co-dependency
7. withholding affection
8. passive aggressive behaviors
9. hypersensitivity
10. high tolerance for poor treatment from others
11. emotional care taking
12. feeling competitive with other women
13. self-sabotage
14. being overly rigid and dominating

Tips for being a good friend:

1. be real
2. be honest
3. take an interest in the details of your friends life by being a good listener
4. make time for your friend
5. keep their secrets
6. encourage your friend
7. be loyal
8. be willing to work through conflict
9. look out for them. 

The amazing Stacy Wright will be discuss the importance of therapy, why should you go see a therapist, what credential should you look for in a therapist, what techniques does the therapist use, and signs of a bad therapist?  

Credentials to look for: 

• Licensed professional counselor  masters degree in counseling or psychology   
• Social worker or a licensed social worker 
• Verify a therapist credentials on the department of consumer affairs website for your state Or read about the therapist on their website or online directory 

Techniques of approaches of a therapist:

• Cognitive-based therapy 
• Mindfulness-based 
• Stress reduction 
• Acceptance therapy 
• Commitment Therapy 

When you decide on a therapist:  

• Email the therapist with some questions or ask for a 15 minutes phone call for screening if the therapist is right for you. you should be sharing a bit about your situation and asking how they can help you. This is to let them know what your goal is for therapy.  Think about how you feel during the interaction with your therapist. 
•  A good therapist demonstrates good boundaries and keeps the relationship professional at all times.  Signs of a bad therapist: The therapist is talking more than you The therapist is interrupting you often Any inappropriate behaviors such as sexual gesture the therapist has violated your confidentiality 

An emotionally absent mother is not fully present to the emotional.life of the child. This could be due to depression, exhaustion, or numbness. Many of these mothers were severely under mothered themselves and have no idea what a close parent-child relationship looks like. Emotionally absent mothers are doing the outer things they think a mother should do, but have no clue how very big the job of mothering is. Some of the things i use to feel and do are identity crisis, difficulty with change, low self worth, anger, extreme sensitivity to rejection, perfectionist, a lair, difficulty setting boundaries, self conscious, self-criticizing , blaming myself for my mother’s actions, continuously asking for forgiveness to fix relationships, thinking i was bad, upset for feeling joy, and trusting others as well as myself. 

1. Examine how you feel before and after interacting with your mother. 

2. Let yourself feel Everything - do not run from your pain, take the time to understand what you are feeling. 

3. Don’t blame yourself for your mother’s action. 

4. Forgive yourself 5. Cut her off/set clear boundaries

Have you ever felt defective, bad, incomplete, rotten, phony, inadequate, or just a failure? Well that is what Shame is. Its’s when we grow up feeling inferior and unloved.