Zero Doinks: World's Weirdest Chicago Bears Podcast

We are sitting here, as free agency is beyond hot, waiting for a big move from Ryan Poles and the Bears. Depth is great (that's what she said) but where is the star power? It's time, Bears. Wow us. Also, does anyone want Justin Fields? Are we still Team Caleb? Plus, March Madness is just around the corner. Thank you for hanging with us for SIX SEASONS.

We didn't die, we just needed time to digest the reality that the Flus is back. At least there's a new offensive playcaller in the house now in Shane Waldron, and at least he has had success in the league. But what's the plan for 2024 and beyond? We look at how free agency could shape Ryan Poles's options in the draft and we finally pick a QB lane, all of these weeks later. Plus will Dan go above .500 in "Keep An Eye on Dan" or will his dreams fade? Some Illini hoops talk, including the uncomfortable subject of Terrence Shannon's legal woes. Gray Balls making noise? Find out all about it and more. Thanks for listening to another season!

Incredibly, the Bears land the number one pick for the second-straight year thanks to the 20/20 vision of GM Ryan Poles. Is Poles going to ride with Matt Eberflus, Luke Getsy and Justin Fields in 2024? Or will the opportunity to clean house be too enticing? Perhaps Week 18 at Green Bay, with a chance to ruin their season, will carry some weight one way or another. Happy new years, Doinkers.

Well, that weekend of football was quite disheartening. We try and find words that make us feel better about the present while keeping an eye on the near and long future. We also try and figure out what Tiny Tim's deal is. Plus tons more. Thanks for listening, it's still worth it we think.

This is an absolute squirrely one, though we mix in actual Bears talk. The Bears are actually giving us hope and a vision for what they can develop into. They somehow find themselves one game out of the wild card yet still would be drafting fifth (and first, thanks Carolina) if the season were to end today. Dan and Bill are jazzed for what is going to be a big game at Cleveland. Win on Sunday and hope begins to develop for the first time in years. Still, dilemmas and big choices await GM Ryan Poles, regardless of how the season shakes out. We also get distracted by talk of Tommy DeVito, Grimace, Grover and edibles. Plus tons more, including our friend Rick Feelsmen.

The Bears had the week off but the NFL rolled on, with most local fans focusing on the Panthers continued cold streak, inching us all closer to the No 1 pick in 2024. People are getting nervous about Jordan Love possibly being really good? Dan returns to the lab this week, as does Rick Feelsmen with his hot hot picks. Bill pays his #hat game debt to Frank, thanks to a disappointing Illini football squad.

That was a Matt Eberflus masterclass, wasn't it? Are we done with him? I think we're done with him. Justin Fields and the Bears looked pretty good against Super Bowl contender Detroit until that smug bastard had to make some difficult changes. Bill Doinks talks all about it today because Dan is away from the show for holiday reasons this week. Enjoy Bill's dream scenario of what the Bears look like in 2024 plus a bit more, including some original-ish tunes. Plus the Illini are playing for their postseason lives this weekend against the Northwestern Flying Shreks. Happy Thanksgiving to all who celebrate without hens on their table.

We are hopeful that Justin Fields will be back this week because we are sick of watching Tyson Bagent play (no offense). Dan might have severe diarrhea this episode so stay tuned if that backfires at some point. We wonder about the bedroom activities of the Muppets and their puppeters. Plus much more.

Dan and Bill do not link up "live" for this episode but we bring you all sorts of audio nuggets to get you oh so hyped for Bears-Panthers. We're getting a little concerned that the Bears are never going to play Justin Fields ever again. Thank you to Rick Feelsmen and Greasetank Frank for your contributions this week.

Tyson Bagent and the Bears came back to earth on Sunday night against the Chargers but that feels like years ago. We focus more on the acquisition of Montez Sweat from Washington and one of us is very confused about the timing and logic behind it. Plus tons more, including fingering the coach de jour to replace Matt Eberflus as well as another riveting Keep An Eye On Dan. The return of Greasetank for racing nuggets and Rick Feelsmen keeps our eye on the prize for the hottest picks of the weekend.

The Bears, shockingly, have won two of three, this time coming behind a solid performance by rookie QB Tyson Bagent. Can the Bears make it three of four this Sunday night against the Chargers? Vegas says no. We say .... ? Plus the debut of our coaching segment within a segment, the return of Keep An Eye on Dan, a fresh tune plus tons of surprises along the way.

With Justin Fields now having a busted right thumb, what more is there to even talk about for the 1-5 Bears? So we decided to not talk too much Bears. Enjoy, maybe?

0:00 - 02:51 - Apologies to Cowboy Junkies.

02:51 - 03:45 - What's on tap tonight?

03:45 - 29:06 - Bears-Vikings Review. Fields is hurt. Bagent is whatever. Do we need to start looking toward 2024? Dan is tested again in Keep An Eye on Dan (11-7 going into tonight).

29:06 - 51:44 - Raiders Preview. Dan walks us through the streets of Las Vegas.

51:44 - 66:01 - Hamm's N Bread. Rick Feelsmen (8-11-3) gives us his hottest three picks of the weekend.

66:01 - 74:16 - Bears Fantasy Corner. Who are the boys going with for this Sunday's Bears-Raiders game?

74:16 - 81:27 - B1G Minute. The Illini stun Maryland.

81:27 - 82:20 - Where can you find us on Cameo?

82:20 - 101:05 - Wrap this M'Fer Up. Dan want to talk about a provocative HBO show.

101:05 - END - Apologies to Smokey Maxwell.

After nearly a full calendar year of losses, the Bears have finally won a football game and the boys of Zero Doinks don't know what to do with themselves. Is this sustainable? Did Dick Butkus have to die for our sins? We discuss the beauty in Washington and look ahead to the Vikings coming to town on Sunday for what could lead to an actual winning streak. Plus tons more, including Rick Feelsmen's hot picks, an actual minute spent on the Big 10 and surprises left and right. Two new tunes as well.

0:00 - 03:07 - Apologies to Taylor Swift for this one.

03:07 - 05:49 - What's on tap tonight?

05:49 - 32:18 - Bears-Washington and Week 5 Review.

32:18 - 46:30 - Bears-Vikings Preview.

46:30 - 71:18 - Hamm's N Bread. America's Favorite Gambling Segment.

71:18 - 80:13 - Bears Fantasy Corner.

80:13 - 82:36 - B1G Minute.

82:36 - 83:29 - Find us on Cameo.

83:29 - 95:38 - Let's Wrap this M'Fer Up.

95:38 - END - Apologies to Dashboard Confessional.

I mean, how in the world did the Bears blow that one? Still curious where the next win will come from as a short week awaits this Thursday at a decent Washington squad, led by Jan 6th mastermind in DC Jack Del Rio. This episode is a weird one, apologies in advance. Hope, at the least, you enjoy the intro song courtesy of Doctor Dan Doinks and Daughter of Bill Doinks.

The sun hasn't come out yet this week as we were reminded that the Bears are a football team that continues to rip out our soul, week after week, year after year. Is there any hope for any of us, being that it's only going into Week 4 of the 2023 season? What are we even hoping for at this point? Is JF1 ruined completely? Is anyone worth keeping around? How are we here already? Plus fun and games such as Keep an Eye on Dan, mischief along the way with Rick Feelsmen and the return of Dipsh!ts and Dipsticks with Greasetank Frank. Plus fresh tunes.

0:00 - 02:55 - Daughter of Bill Doinks doing part of a cinema classic.

02:25 - 04:28 - What's on tap tonight?

04:28 - 26:29 - Bears-Chiefs review, I suppose. Keep An Eye on Dan challenge for Dan Doinks. Apologies to Gayle.

26:29 - 51:41 - Broncos Preview but not really.

51:41 - 72:26 - Hamm's N Bread (America's Favorite Gambling Segment). Rick Feelsmen pops in for his hot hot picks.

72:26 - 79:56 - Bears Fantasy Corner.

79:56 - 99:19 - B1G Minute.

99:19 - 100:12 - Support Zero Doinks on Cameo.

100:12 - 114:59 - Dipsh!ts + Dipsticks with GreaseTank Frank.

114:59 - 125:25 - Let's Wrap this M'Fer Up.

125:25 - END - Compliments to Phoebe Bridgers, Darren's child, Daughter of Bill Doinks full version of a cinema classic.

As Patrick Mahomes and the Chiefs await our 0-2 Bears, some tough questions have to be pondered. One of us is ready to take a stand on something, one of us is not. We do not spend too much time on the Bucs game and instead move onto the next opponent who we hope to god the Bears can actually hang with and not embarrass the whole fandom for once. Lots of surprises along the way and hopefully some entertainment for your ears as we continue to hope for the best but expect the worst.

0:00 - 03:04 - Apologies to The Basement Tapes and Bob Dylan for the cover song.

03:04 - 04:36 - What's on tap tonight

04:36 - 36:30 - Bears-Bucs and NFL Review.

36:30 - 56:43 - Chiefs Preview.

56:43 - 74:16 - Hamm's N Bread.

74:16 - 82:12 - Bears Fantasy Corner.

82:12 - 95:36 - B1G Minute.

95:36 - END - Let's Wrap this M'Fer Up and Outro Music.

As much as we'd love to ignore the Bears-Packers Week 1 game, and whatever Luke Getsy drew up after months of preperation, we'll talk about it, but we'll focus more on our experience regarding the joint-smoking professional chef next to us at the tailgate, and other observations. After another contest of 'Keep An Eye on Dan," focus switches quickly to Tampa, which has a guy from an incredibly-named New York town that you just have to hear. Rick Feelsmen offers more expert gambling advice in Hamm's N Spreads, and the boys dive deep into your best Bears fantasy picks in Bears Fantasy Corner. Plus the Illini host the Nittany Lions this weekend in Champaign and the Gophers travel to future top draft pick Sam May (I might have that wrong) and his Tar Heels. Lots of fun along the way as we shake off this miserable feeling.

0:00 - 02:31 - Apologies to the estate of Kurt Cobain and his Nirvana bretheren.

02:23 - 03:41 - What's on tap tonight?

03:41 - 40:08 - What was our experience like in the stadium for Chicago-Green Bay? How do we feel days later? Did either of us watch the game back? Did the tailgater next to us make it home alive? We saw some red flags in the stadium before kickoff. Does Dan Doinks (0-3) finally win at Keep An Eye on Dan?

40:08 - 63:10 - Tampa Preview. Dan attempts to take us through a mental trip of Tampa, Florida, but somehow we end up in Upper New York.

63:10 - 86:38 - Hamm's N Bread. Rick Feelsmen (1-2) pops in for expert gambling advice. What games catch our eye this week?

86:38 - 94:06 - Bears Fantasy Corner. The boys (0-0-1) battle for fantasy supremacy this week with their hot picks against Tampa.

94:03 - 94:56 - Have some cash to burn? Order a Zero Doinks Cameo.

94:56 - 107:23 - Big Ten Minute. Bill Doinks will be in the house this week for Illini-Penn State. The Gophers travel to North Carolina in a tough non-conference battle.

107:23 - END - A little Cubs and Toffees talk plus have the ghosts returned in Dan's house?

A mixed bag for the Bears this preseason as they head into Saturday's finale against Buffalo. Two straight years of preseason injuries on the offensive line, including the recurring theme of a ding-y Teven Jenkins, leading us to wonder what's next? Roster cut down date is a week away and the Bears find themselves with a good problem to have at Edge and QB. By the time you hear from us again, the college football season will have kicked off, including some hot and steamy B1G action, so let's project where our Illini and Gophers are going to land in 2023. Random Pee Wee and Jim Abbott talk for no real reason as well.

The 2023 Bears schedule came out tonight and as best as Dan and Bill Doinks can tell, there are no losses here. Is this the year Chicago rises in the NFC North? They have an old rival with a new signal-caller coming to town on September 10th to kick off the undefeated season. Bill and Dan both missed the schedule release show and are going through the games for the first time with a fresh and perverse perspective. There's a lot to like (besides home games on Christmas Eve and New Years Eve) in the year of our lord, Justin Fields.

0:00 - 3:39 - Highlights from last episode.

3:39 - 5:52 - What's on tap tonight?

5:52 - 67:18 - There are no losses here. Bill and Dan go through the schedule like only they can. Optimistic? Pessimistic? How do they feel about four prime time games, three of which are on the road?

67:18 - END - Outro randomness.

The 2023 NFL draft is over and the Bears made out pretty well, wouldn't you say? 10 freshly-plucked lads, featuring a giant of a man in OT Darnell Wright. We dive deep as only we can, matching each new player with the perfect comp for you to consider. How did divisional rivals Green Bay, Detroit and Minnesota fare? And what's next for our boys in navy and orange? Plus Greasetank Frank returns as autosports is reaching a delectable climax now that the calendar has flipped to May.

00:00 - 02:01 - Apologies to Harry Styles.

02:01 - 03:22 - What's on tap?

03:22 - 75:22 - Bears picks and comps. We walk through the top picks leading into the Bears trade from 9 to 10 and arrival at Darnell Wright. Bill's comps take on a strange new angle this year that you are not going to want to miss, with a special erotic sponsorship.

75:22 - 104:26 - NFC North chatter. How did Chicago's divisional rivals fare during the draft? Are the Packers wary to commit to Jordan Love?

104:26 - 116:03 - Dips and Sticks. Greasetank Frank returns in the heat of the motorsports calendar.

116:03 - END: Let's Wrap this M'Fer Up. Jacob Infante hurt Dan Doinks very deeply.

Season five of Zero Doinks is underway and the Bears are so back. We dive into the huge trade of the number one pick to Carolina for a haul that includes WR DJ Moore. Should we apologize for our level of arousal? What do we want to see at pick nine, now? SO many picks. But that's not even the news of the day, now that free agency is wet and wild and GM Ryan Poles has struck on (at least) three new starters during day one. What are the biggest remaining needs? Who's left out there? What are our NFC North rivals up to? How annoying is Aaron Rodgers? Plus tons more, including March Madness chatter with our tradition of Dave Madness arriving this week. Greasetank Frank pops in for an autosports update during his Dipsh!ts and Dipsticks segment.

0:00 - 2:39 - Intro sound, including a beautiful song by Rick Feelsmen (inspired by The Beatles) and a brief song nugget by Bill Doinks (thanks, Bee-Gees)

2:39 - 9:46 - What's on tap tonight. We try to wrap our minds around our new AI-generated logo.

9:46 - 41:45 - Bears Trade #1. What do the boys think about Ryan Poles's trade of the top pick in the 2023 NFL draft? DJ Moore opinions, future draft ideas at number nine and beyond, etc.

41:45 - 74:18 - Free agency. Day one of free agency has wrapped and the Bears have three, maybe four, new starters. Who is left, what are our rivals doing, what's wrong with Aaron Rodgers. 

74:18 - 96:26 - B1G Minute/March Madness. We are days away from the 2023 NCAA tourney kicking off. How does Bill feel about his Illini? Who are our picks to click? How many beers will be consumed at Dave Madness?

96:26 - 111:25 - Dipsh!ts and Dipsticks. Greasetank Frank takes us around the world of autosports.

111:25 - END - Let's Wrap this M'Fer Up. Baseball, Toffee, Apple TV talk.

The NFL season has come to an end and so shall Season 4 of Zero Doinks, but not before an explosive season finale. Rick Feelsmen and Coach Cuse join Dan and Bill Doinks in a special subterranean location in the suburbs of Chicago and a lot of ground is covered and Hamm's are consumed. Will additional special guests adorn your ears? A new musical tune? Jump in below to find out.

0:00 - 01:42 - Intro, including a taste of the Doinks boys honoring a classic Billy Joel tune.

01:42 - 03:32 - What's on tap tonight?

03:32 - 41:33 - Super Bowl review, Bears off-season preview. The Bears are on the clock, can you believe it? But first we'll wrap up some Super Bowl thoughts. Is this the biggest off-season in Bears history? We sure think so. Plus "Keep an Eye on Dan" makes its final appearance of the season, and Rick has something up his sleeve for Dan Doinks. A voice from the S4 season debut pops in late.

41:33 - 78:46 - Hamm's N Bread. America's favorite gambling segment takes its usual twists and turns, as Rick Feelsmen gives us all a live version of his weekly award-winning segment "Hamm's N Spreads." Rick received his reward for his S4 contributions and a very naughty man joins us from overseas. What are the boys going to gamble on during the offseason? They have an idea or two.

78:46 -99:32 - B1G Minute. Consider this a March Madness preview. Which of our beloved teams are going to go dancing? Where's the party going to be this year and do we even want our squads playing during it? Plus what in the world is TT Elite and why are we addicted so quickly?

99:32 - 112:24 - Gray Balls. General Manager and small forward/Coach Cuse gets grilled on the odds of our 35+ intramural basketball team's chances in this year's playoffs. The gifts keep flowing as Coach Cuse accepts a token of our appreciation for putting together a championship squad.

112:24 - 128:35 - Dipsh!ts and Dipsticks. Greasetank Frank is back as autosport season hath arrived. Whether you are an expert or a novice, let Greasetank guide you through Indycar, Nascar and Formula 1. You won't regret a minute.

128:35 - 145:07 - Let's Wrap this M'Fer Up. Let's ignore baseball for the moment because who cares. Everton is still playing. Rick has an answer for the unwelcomed UFOs. Plus whatever else is on our mind after a night of beers.

145:07 -END - Outro Best of Season 4. Enjoy the sounds of Season 4 plus a full-length version of Tony Doinks and the boys doing Billy Joel a'capella.

Could Week 18 have gone any better? Bears end up with the #1 pick of the 2023 draft thanks to Lovie Smith's Texans stunning win over Indy. The Packers lose a shocker at home to Detroit to knock them out of the playoffs, while the Lions have to watch Seattle sneak into the number one seed thanks to a tiebreaker. The regular season is over, thank the sweet lord, and it's time to look to the off-season as well as glance at what is a pretty wide open playoff bracket. Rick Feelsmen pops by for his latest HOT picks (he's 7-2 over the last three weeks) as the boys project the playoff field, wrap up the first year of Eberflus/Poles and talk about initial thoughts about what to do with pick number one.

0:00 - 01:23 - Intro led by a voice Bill Doinks wish he had, John Legend

01:23 - 03:28 - What's On Tap Tonight?

(a brief word from our sponsor (via Spotify))

03:28 - 46:08 - Wrapping up the regular season, time for Poles to cook. The NFL runs through Chicago in the first time in forever and we couldn't be more here for it. We relish the demise of the Green Bay Packers and start thinking about what we'd like the Bears to do with pick #1.

46:08 - 73:35 - Hamm's N Bread. What are our playoff predictions? Rick Feelsmen and his scorching hot picks stops in.

(a brief word from our sponsor (via Spotify))

73:35 - 92:28 - Let's Wrap This M'Fer Up. Not much to talk about with the college football title game but we dive so deep into NFL teams looking for coaches named Harbaugh or Payton.

92:28 - END - Best of S4, to date. Almost 17 minutes in heaven.

One (pointless?) game to go this weekend against the Vikings. To play Fields or to sit him out, that's one of the questions on our mind. We don't really acknowledge the Lions game because who cares. We, along with Bears Nation, are huge Lovie Smith fans this weekend as the Texans can gift wrap the top pick to Chicago, assuming the Bears don't light Minnesota up on Sunday for reasons unknown. We spray to all fields, including Joe Ratzinger, Kevin Warren, ping pong, an obscure Minneapolis law and of course our concern over Buffalo safety Damar Hamlin. Two episodes left in Season 4 after this one, lovebugs. 

After a loss to Josh Allen and the Bills, coupled with a Lovie Smith Texans W, with two games left the Bears are half a game out of a shot at the number one pick in the 2023 NFL draft. First, Dan Campbell and his considerable body awaits JF1 and the hapless Bears. We'll chat about things, including Pinocchio (again), our declining numbers in India, Dan Pompei's stupid weekly column and the whole process of rebuilding/soft-tanking.

Justin Fields more than held his own against the 13-1 Philadelphia Eagles, throwing to a WR group who should probably not be in the league. He is and always has been the chosen one. Is there a button to sim to the end of the season? We'd like to press it. Alas, Josh Allen is coming to town on Christmas Eve to shove all sorts of things into and around our sacks as there are but three weeks left until a critical offseason for GM Ryan Poles. 

The boys are well-rested after a bye week and they only have a few words to say about the latest Bears-Packers game. Dan flip flops for the first time regarding how the 2023 NFL Draft board is shaping up, which is shocking as a "not a big mock draft" guy. Jalen Hurts and the Eagles visit this weekend which gives us all a glimpse as to what Justin Fields is going to look like next year. Rick Feelsmen pops in with a new tune and lots of hot picks. Bowl season is upon us soon as the Illini, sans a defensive coordinator, gear up to face the devastated Mississippi State squad fresh off of the tragic loss of Mike Leach. Plus tons more.

Lots of surprises this episode as the boys do a little reversal of roles from time to time. Did the Jets game really happen? One of the boys might need to game explained to him, we shall see. Aaron Rodgers seems to be being chased out of GB by Packers' fans - will this be the last time he suits up at Soldier Field? Feel like we asked that same question last year. Plus college football's regular season has wrapped - how did the Illini and Gophers end up? Tons more, including new tunes courtesy of two Fans N Eggs. 

Welp, the homecoming to Georgia didn't quite go as planned for Justin Fields as he left with another loss and a painful left shoulder. Will he play this week? This year? Should he? Are we going to watch Bears-Jets if he isn't playing? So many questions this episode, including "Does Zero Doinks have a Wikipedia page and if not, why not?" The highlight of these Bears games is probably the Zero Doinks boys losing their cool over Dan Pompei's observations and seeing if Dan Doinks can guess Tweets correctly during "Keep an Eye on Dan." Rick Feelsmen pops in for his three hot picks of the week. Greasetank summarizes 2022's racing season in what may or may not be his last appearance of this year (we hope not). Plus tons more, including a Thanksgiving weekend filled with B1G rivalry games.

Justin Fields was magic again last week versus Detroit but he can't play defense or special teams for the boys. Who really cares (besides Dan Wiederer), though, as this year continues to be about JF1's development, yes? Dan walks us through the streets of Atlanta which await a homecoming for native Georgian Justin Fields. Rick Feelsmen and Greasetank pop in for their weekly expertise plus tons more, including the return of "Keep an Eye on Dan." Oh yeah, and we need to talk a little about the Illini blowing their B1G West stranglehold. Gray Balls back soon - are both Dan and Bill all the way in? Father Randy may make another appearance here, as does the Cornish Hen. We have good reason to suggest that everyone should boycott FedEx.

Dan Doinks was in the house for JF1's ridiculous game against Miami. We promised to wait until the Jets game to announce whether we were all in or not - is it time? I think it might be time. Dan Campbell and his beautiful face come to town this week as the Bears try to get in the win column for the first time in awhile. But that's not the point, is it? Rick Feelsmen and Greasetank Frank pop in for their takes on gambling and autosports. The Illini suffer a tough loss against Michigan State but will still be on track to take the B1G West with a win this weekend. Plus tons more per usual, including a new segment within a segment "Keep An Eye on Dan."

The NFL's annual swap meat saw the Bears being active, shipping Roquan out and the man Canadians call "Mapletron" in, along with some additional draft capital and a LB no one has heard of. Will Claypool be helpful or does he seem odd? Was it the right move to trade Ro? Plus a quick look at our thoughts on how JF1 looked against Dallas + Dan Doinks walks us through the red hot Miami squad who is visiting this weekend. Plus tons more, including chatter about the #13 Illini who are two wins away from clinching the B1G West.

The 2022 Chicago Bears are the greatest football team anyone has ever laid eyes on. Matt Eberflus is better than Bill Belichick. Justin Fields has turned a corner and will be leading the Bears to glory even earlier than originally thought. The boys (one of whom was oddly not stationary during most of this episode) still can't believe what happened on Monday night in Foxboro. The Bears are back. The Illini are the best team in the B1G, if not the country. It's Football Town USA here on Zero Doinks.

We're as sick of thinking about Bears-Commanders as you are hearing about it so we keep it brief, outside of bringing you deeeeep inside our tailgate. Monday night football looms and a visit to New England may remind us all of how far we have to go to be relevant in the NFL once again. Dan talks Bill out of pivoting to an all-Illini podcast as the memory of U of I beating down Dan's Gophers still lives fresh in Bill's pea-sized brain. Plus tons more, including curiosity about an old nursery rhyme that seems quite creepy at the moment. Special visits from Rick Feelsmen (live-ish from Switzerland) and Greasetank Frank keeps us all informed about autosports.

What is wrong with the local Bears media? Bill Doinks falls into the trap of their odd takes after Justin Fields looked pretty good against the 4-1 Vikings. The Bears may have fallen short against Minny but that's not really the point this year, right? Washington comes to town on a short week and the boys will be live in the flesh at Soldier Field on Thursday for what might be the greatest evening of their lives. Tangents a'plenty this ep, including Bill's recap of the Chicago Marathon (special on-site interview by the one and only Rick Feelsmen during Hamm's N Spreads) and Grimace catches the boys' fancy again this week. Plus tons more, including a huge game between the Illini and Gophers this Saturday. Friendships might never be the same.

Let's shake off that Giants game and move onto the weird purple humans up north, shall we? We bring back an old purple friend a few times for this one, coincidentally, and talk about mostly non-Bears stuff this episode if we're being honest. Rick Feelsmen and Greasetank Frank contribute their brilliance again this episode and Dan makes Bill laugh so hard he nearly spits out his beverage. Thank you to our sponsors, we love you, and thank you to our listeners, we couldn't live without you. 

We have no idea how this video thing works but we're giving it a whirl. I mean, we've heard of cameras but this is our Zero Doinks debut. Do you need to watch it on a particular app? No idea! Should we upload it to Youtube? Yeah we probably should! Anywho, Bears fall to 2-2 and we briefly discuss what most disgusts us about today's effort against the Giants. Enjoy Dan's face!

For what feels like the 10th straight year, the Bears play the Giants, this time in beautiful New Jersey. We'll get you all riled up about the big game as we still feel amazing about our 2-1 Bears and are still covered in Justin Fields optimism. We'll give you all the hottest fantasy picks, Rick Feelsmen will grace the show with his best bets of the weekend (he's coming off a 5-0-1 week ... do NOT let Rick get hot) plus tons more, including Grease Tank's racing tidbits and some B1G football talk.

The Bears are 2-1 and there's absolutely no red flags to concern ourselves with whatsoever. This might be the greatest rushing offense the league has ever seen in the history of pigskin. We definitely did not pick a specific game in which we are deciding the fate of Justin Fields as Bears QB, no, absolutely we did not do that around minute 14 or so of this bonus ep. Thank you Cairo Santos, Ro Smith and Khalil Herbert for getting us through this one.

Stop me if you've heard this one before - the Bears went into Green Bay for a nationally-televised night game and they left with a loss, giving their fanbase an uneasy feeling and continued inferiority complex. The boys won't dwell on Sunday night's thrashing too much as it's Texans week which means the return of a bearded Lovie Smith. So much Pinocchio and donkey talk. We ask the questions you're dying to have answered.

Intro. Thank you Bo Burnham for your inspiration for the intro song Kmet, starring Tony Doinks, Rick Feelsmen, Bill Doinks and Coach Cuse.

What's On Tap Tonight. Is this the new Guy Fieri chat area?

Paying Our Bills.

Green Bay Review. We try not to dwell.

Texans Preview. Lovie's back in town.

Bears Fantasy Corner. Who are the Bears offensive weapons of choice this week?

Hamm's N Bread. Rick Feelsmen (1-5) is back with a boatload of hot picks. Pinocchio ended up capturing our imagination in this segment.

B1G Minute. Illini and Gophers appear the head of the class.

Dipsh!ts and Dipsticks. Greasetank Frank as only he can.

Where Can You Find Us. 

Let's Wrap this M'Fer Up. A touch of Toffees and White Sox. Gambling story for the ages. Lots of sound to close it out.

The undefeated Chicago Bears head to Green Bay this Sunday night in front of a crowd of mostly ugly people and we can't wait to get into it. Will Coach Flus ever lose? Will Aaron Rodgers be wasted out of his gourd? How often does Matt LeFleur get his hair cut? I think it's time for the Bears to take the North and never give it back, don't you? Plus our HOT fantasy picks of the week, Rick Feelsmen's hot hot gambling picks of the week, our thoughts on the B1G and college football, Greasetank's take on autosports and tons more.

0:00 - 03:30 - Introduction including 670 The Score's Dan Bernstein and a new tune inspired by Phoebe Bridgers (s/o Daughter of Bill Doinks and Coach Cuse).

03:31 - 08:52 - What's on tap tonight? Guy Fieri got things off to a super weird start.

08:53 - 10:14 - How can you become the next Zero Doinks?

10:15 - 35:41 - Packers Preview. Dan Pompei still writes trash game reviews. Lots of priest talk here for some reason. How do we feel going into Sunday night?

35:42 - 43:31 - See Me After Class. This segment first aired in season three, it feels like an appropriate time to revisit one reason why Aaron Rodgers is such a weasel and why we dislike him so. Some of this sounds a bit outdated with the NFL protocols at the time but you get the point.

43:32 - 52:41 - Bears Fantasy Corner. John Lithgow gets us way off track.

52:42 - 1:17:12 - Hamm's N Bread. America's favorite gambling segment with resident shark Rick Feelsmen popping in for his three (or four?) hot picks during his segment within the segment, Hamm's N Spreads.

1:17:13 - 1:36:55 - The B1G Minute. The Big Ten clearly runs through Champaign this year. Sorry, Arby's, we didn't mean it.

1:36:56 - 1:41:24 - Dipsh!ts and Dipsticks. Greasetank Frank gives us a lesson in autosports expertise. Save the date for his upcoming personal race!

1:41:25 - END - Let's Wrap this M'Fer Up. Mini hits of Toffees Corner and Hamms N Ted as soccer ramps back up (once the Queen gets buried) and baseball's pennant race hits a fever pitch. Lots of random sound to finish off the ep. Thanks for listening!

The boys of Zero Doinks needed to immediately talk about the incredible Week 1 upset by our beloved Bears over the seven point favorite San Francisco 49ers. 16 wins away from perfection. Enjoy this bonus reaction episode. Bearssssss.

Finally, real football is here, and Dan & Bill Doinks are here to get weird with it. Are the boys still glowing from JF1's preseason performance against Cleveland? Any hot thoughts about the final 53 or depth chart? Sweaty Ted is retiring, hallelujah! So much hot content this ep, including the return of both Rick Feelsmen and Greasetank Frank.

0:00 - 2:52 - Intro Song "Sunday I'm in Love" with Daughter of Bill Doinks.

2:52 - 5:13 - What's on tap tonight?

5:14 - 32:45 - Bears Roster Chit Chat. Wow, JF1 was hot during the last preseason game, huh? Lots of roster changes at the bottom of the 53. Depth chart thoughts, especially the o line. Ted Phillips and Arlington Heights chatter. 

32:45 - 57:21 - 49ers Week 1 Preview. Dan Doinks takes us on a tour of San Francisco. Is Dan going to the game? What position would Jesus play?

57:21 - 1:05:15 - Bears Fantasy Corner. A fresh season of Dan and Bill giving their single best play for fantasy football.

1:05:15 - 1:35:01 - Hamm's N Bread. A look inside the odd mind of exclusive gambling shark + sharp Rick Feelsmen (he's not dead!). What does Vegas think about the Bears-49ers game? Any other games catch our eye?

1:35:01 - 1:37:24 - How can you be the next Zero Doinks?

1:37:24 - 1:52:39 - B1G Minute. Gophers and Illini are back in action.

1:52:39 - 1:57:11 - Dipsh!ts and Dipsticks. Greasetank Frank shows his knowledge and grit regarding all things autosports.

1:57:11 - 1:57:48 - Where can you find us on the interwebs?

1:57:48 - END - Let's Wrap this M'Fer Up. The new home for Toffee's Corner and baseball talk and other musings.

The boys wrap up their preseason slate of episodes with the return of Dan Doinks from Hawaii. How tan do we think his unmentionables are? Still pretty paste-y? Anywho, the Seahawks were no match for the Bears in preseason game two as they remain on top of the NFC North for a second-consecutive week. What are our feelings on Roquan ending his "hold-in" and playing out the final year of his rookie contract? Tons more, including the Big Ten Minute as Hugh Robertson and the Fighting Illini kick off their 2022 season this weekend versus Wyoming. We are so close to real football, baby. Plus we have a new Hawaiian business idea that is an absolute home run.

0:00 - 03:52 - Intro with new tune to deceased Fan N Egg Phil in Indiana, "Phil's In Heaven." Happy 40th birthday in the clouds.

03:52 - 09:47 - What's on tap tonight?

09:48 - 11:10 - How can you be the next Zero Doinks via Anchor?

11:10 - 41:06 - Bears Chitter Chatter. Ro Smith is back, somewhat reluctantly. Most of the Bears starters will be playing at least half of the final preseason game. What does Dan think about the likely Week 1 starting offensive line? Have the boys recovered from the release of BoPete Keyes? Other NFL thoughts, including Phil's boy Mitch.

41:06 - 41:43 - Where can you find us on the interwebs?

41:43 - 65:06 - B1G Minute. Hugh Robertson's Illini have another Week 0 game, this time hosting Wyoming. Northwestern-Nebraska get it going.

65:06 - END - Let's wrap this M'Fer up. Everton bad? Manti Te'eo documentary opinions. Eating hot dogs in odd ways.