Straight People Movies
By Dylan Garsee & Kirk Van Sickle
Straight People MoviesJul 06, 2022
I Heart Huckabees
It's our 100th episode, we're doing literally whatever we want, who cares!
Beau Is Afraid
Headed down to the Sherwin-Williams for a snack, y'all need anything?
Field of Dreams
If we were a tacky gay podcast we would make the episode description "If you build it, they will cum" but we're not tacky.
Garden State
This song will change your life *proceeds to play "Play by Play" by Autre Ne Veut*
John Wick
Recorded live from the assassin hotel whose name Dylan didn't bother looking up before writing this joke.
Armageddon
You will NEVER catch us closing our eyes OR falling asleep.
The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
Sorry for the delay, we had to drop something off at Mount Doom and that took longer than expected.
Million Dollar Baby
Just gonna move this stool out of the way real quick gimme a second.
Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)
Straight People Movies or (The Unexpected Virtue of Internalized Homophobia)
Gladiator
Gladiator? Yeah I'm Glad He Ate Her, her being me, Dyl- *Dylan was pulled off stage by a large hook*
Skinamarink
This happened to us.
Prisoners
Recorded live from a pit under a car.
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
Why don't you come over here and crouch on my tiger, hidden dragon?
Terminator 2: Judgement Day
Come with us if you want to slay.
Requiem for a Dream
This week, we think about the red dress.
Knives Out
*Jojo Leave voice* Get out (Knives!), right now.
Enchanted
This movie is straight just watch it and try to convince us it's gay.
Saving Private Ryan
Saving Private Ryan? Oh honey we'd rather Save Ryan's Privates.
UHF
This week's episode is a parody of Straight People Movies
The Shining
All work and no play make Kirk and Dylan very gay boys.
The Mist
It's so cool that Marcia Gay Harden won an Oscar for The Mist don't look it up.
It
This week we decided to talk about a movie with a title so generic because we refuse to grow our audience.
Misery
Alexa play my favorite P!nk song featuring Steven Tyler.
Don't Worry Darling
Don't worry darling?? Don't ever tell me what to do, I'm going to worry extra hard now.
Clerks
Wait, so if Kirk and Dylan have been in the front this whole time, who did I just...in the bathroom????
Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
This week we're talking Who Framed Roger Rabbit, and not Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf, the movie Dylan kept saying in their head every they tried to remember which movie we were watching this week.
Vertigo
¡Uno...dos...tres...catorce!
Heat
This week the Gays watched every straight person on Twitter's favorite movie, Heat! Finally the spell has been broken and we are finally heterosexual.
Big
Kirk and Dylan went to a Zoltar and wished they were big, and the next day they woke up as Las Culturistas.
Se7en
In honor of this week's episode, we're rebranding as Str8 People Movies.
Jerry Maguire w/ Mase Kerwick
Show me the homosexuals! With guest Mase Kerwick
American Psycho
Put on your raincoat, put on your favorite Phil Collins album, and grab an axe, it's a new episode of Straight People Movies!
Cool Hand Luke
This week instead of an episode, we recorded an ASMR podcast of us each eating 50 hard-boiled eggs.
The Notebook
Note: We recorded this episode in the pouring rain after taking a canoe ride to admire some ducks.
Joker
Unfortunately we have been Joker-pilled.
Team America: World Police
America! Fuck no! This week we watched the naughty puppet movie by the South Park dudes, and you'll never guess what we thought of it.
Wet Hot American Summer
Dylan and Kirk are back from Barcelona, so we had to talk about the wettest, hottest, and most American movie in the world!
The Straight People Movies Draft w/Chris Martinez & Jason Pollard
Jurassic Park
Laura Dern? Laura Dern. Laura Dern...Laura Dern. Laura; Dern.
Top Gun: Maverick w/ Kyle Romero
This week the gays are joined by one of our favorite returning guests Kyle Romero as we ride into the Danger Zone aka the lighthouse in Annihilation.
Men
We just won an Austin Chronicle Critics prize, so naturally we decided to do an episode on a divisive movie that no one has seen, Men!! Alex Garland's long awaited follow-up to Annihilation, Men is, well let's just say unforgettable.
Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Always look on the bright side of life *whistle* (Yes I know that's a different movie, the music in this one isn't as good as Life of Brian)
Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness
We did it.
Marvel Mamma is over
We are never talking about another Marvel movies as long as we live.
Spider-man: No Way Home
Marvel Mamma, a series we decided to do under our own volition, is taking a toll. We are nearing the end of our sanity. Soon we'll be talking about the red dress. Save us from this.
Avengers: Endgame
Siri play Endgame by Taylor Swift from her incredibly underrated masterpiece Reputation. This week The Gays watched Avengers: Endgame as part of our MARVEL MAMMA series. And if you can't tell, we were maybe a little bored.
Captain America: The Winter Soldier
Week 2 of MARVEL MAMMA!!! This week we're talking about the Boy Scout himself Captain America and his frenemy with a metal arm, The Winter Soldier! A 70's paranoid thriller-homage, this movie divided the hosts so much, one might say it's Straight People Movies: Civil War.
The Avengers
In honor of the upcoming Doctor Strange and The Multiverse of Madness, we're launching our latest mini-series: MARVEL MAWMA! We've lost our everloving mind and are doing FIVE Marvel Movies in the upcoming weeks (as well as The Northman, this is our podcast not yours). We're kicking it off with the movie that more or less kicked off the Marvel Machine as we know it: 2012's The Avengers! We're ranking them by hotness, introducing a new rating scale, and doing our worst New York accents.
Programming note: We are both homosexuals and refuse to learn anything about Marvel (our brains are too full from memorizing the script to Notes on a Scandal), so if we get anything about the MCU wrong, no we didn't.
Another programming note: We're running a contest! Rate and review us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify (five stars of course), and if we draw your name out of the wig, YOU get to choose a movie for us to cover. That's right, you!!!!
Mandy w/Brian Bonnet
Crying in the bathroom wearing nothing buy tighty-whities and taking slugs from a bottle of booze, what is this a Tuesday night???? This week we're joined by Nicolas Cage scholar and host of the upcoming podcast But It Matters to Me, Brian Bonnet!! In honor of the upcoming film The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent, we're talking Mandy, the 2018 psychedelic revenge horror film that launched Mr. Cage's most interesting chapter in his career.
Swiss Army Man
This week we're tootin' and fartin' our way to a possible restraining order, that's right we're talking Swiss Army Man. The Daniels' newest film Everything Everywhere All At Once is out this week so we're talking their first film and all of the heterosexuality that goes along with it.
Men in Black
Here comes Straight People Movies/You're favorite podcasters/Here comes Straight People Movies/This ep we're talking bout the Cremaster (More specifically, the Cremaster Cycle, a series of 5 video installations by acclaimed artist and breaker of Bjork's heart Matthew Barney)
Anyway we're talking Men in Black, the 1997 space comedy starring almost guaranteed Best Actor winner Will Smith. Also stick around for the end because we're announcing our very first contest for our fans omg.