One vs. One
By David Kemp & Toto Chalvet
One vs. OneNov 27, 2020
Episode 33: See ya Laterchat
On today's episode of One vs. One, David and Toto share they are stepping away from the podcast and discuss what the podcast has meant to them and the possible future of the podcast returning. Thank you to all the listeners who have supported our podcast since May of 2020. It's not goodbye, it's see you later on.
Episode 32: Poor WifiChat
On today's episode of One vs. One, David and Toto return in the midst of fighting terrible Wifi with everyone's favorite guest Soccer Mom, answer a live clueless question, and Toto's Arsenal sorrows.
Episode 31: Longchat
On today's episode of One vs. One, Producer BBO provides a quick FIFA update for David and Toto then the hosting pair dive into what each prem team should do to improve their squad, including David going off on West Ham for the 755th time and Toto forgetting a key Newcastle player.
Episode 30: Parkchat
On today's episode of One vs One, David and Toto come at you live from Battersea Park and discuss David's vocal talents, the Euro final, and all the latest of the Summer transfer window.
Episode 29: Soccer Sisterchat
On today's episode of One vs. One, David and Toto give their thoughts on the latest news with producer BBO's FIFA career, update on One vs. One FC with a possible broadway play in the mix, and #ballchat with Soccer Sister on the Euros.
Episode 28: Returnchat
On today's episode of One vs. One, David and Toto return after a month-long hiatus and once again catch up, how David almost two-footed a Manchester United legend, Toto praising Producer Brendan's FIFA career mode, and give their thoughts on the wrapped up EPL season, Champions, and more.
Episode 27: Anniversarychat
On today's episode of One vs. One, David and Toto celebrate the one-year anniversary of the podcast and gift the listeners with a listen of the famous (infamous?) episode -1.
Episode 26: Super Leaguechat
On today's special episode of One vs. One, David and Toto talk about the earth-shattering news of the Super League, top-tier listener Archie comes in to discuss why the super league has come about financially, and David and Toto's thoughts on it so far.
Episode 25: It's Ollie Ballchat
On today's episode of One vs. One, David and Toto provide an encouraging update on One vs. One FC, discuss the immortal legend known as Ollie Ball, and dabble into regular #ballchat around Champion's League before David goes off on his West Ham bit yet again.
Episode 24: Fundamentally Nice
On today's episode of One vs. One, David and Toto once again catch up on old times, Toto's boo-boo allegedly caused by David, a hypothetical trip that blurs the line between fact and fiction, West Ham against Arsenal, and the creation of what could be the best non-professional football team ever.
Episode 23: It's Soccer Mom's World, We're Just Living In It
On today's episode of One vs. One, Soccer Mom returns to discuss her reign of dominance in fantasy football, David and Toto receive a clueless question from a non-clueless listener and talk about what's been surprising in the EPL so far this season.
Episode 22: Beef with a side of "Unbiased" Ballchat
On today's episode of One vs. One, Toto moderates beef between David and Producer BBO, David and Toto share hopes in possible EPL games with fans later on in the season, some totally "unbiased" ballchat featuring David raving about West Ham, and the return of Cider Bathchat.
Episode 21: "I have no pee in me"
On today's episode of One vs. One, David and Toto address last week's #UmGate, the Super Bowl and how David's ideas for getting kids to watch the EPL scares Toto, Toto's big brain theory on pigeons as well as his latest late night adventure, and some #Ballchat on everyone's favorite topics: VAR and referees.
Episode 20: Seasoned with Fear
After spending a month determining if David could make it as a league 2 right back, David and Toto are back on One vs. One! The duo catch up on lost time, share good news regarding the podcast, tell tales of fire alarm scaries and holes in ceilings, Soccer Mom's rise in the fantasy football hierarchy, and of course, some quality #Ballchat.
Episode 19: WaffleChat - Don't slide tackle your bath
In this odd Christmas episode, Toto and David talk about Arsenal's recent woes, conspiracy theories about West Brom, Mariah Carey, Tier 4, and Toto's watery perils.
Episode 18: Subdued ASMR Ballchat
David and Toto catch up (once again), and have a soothing conversation about ball chat. David decides to turn the episode into an ASMR special whilst Toto reminds David of West Ham's consistency in previous years.
Episode 17: Deceptive Pace
Toto and David are joined by Brendan Beauregard who has an oral presentation about David... Toto and David also talk about their ideal England XI for the Euros.
Episode 16: Up the Porthmadog
In this episode, David and Toto solve all the problems of the international break, talk about GW8 and show their love for non-league Welsh side Porthmadog FC.
Episode 15: Return of the Chat
In this "landmark" episode, Toto and David do exactly what this podcast says on the tin: catch up, have fun and talk about football. It's been a while, so this is an extended episode! Lucky you... Also squeezed in this ep is SoccerMom, who explains how David almost died when he was two. Imagine that! There would be no show.
Episode 14: The Birthday Boy Unleashes his Pie Chat
A week late (and slightly longer than usual), Toto and David talk about Premier League GW3, answer a pessimistic question from the clueless, humor an apologetic voice memo from SoccerMom! and share some unbridled banter about a pie...oh, and it's David's birthday.
Episode 13: PL is Back! (And so is Long Distance Podcasting)
David and Toto reunite through FaceTime, answer a clueless question, and talk about the first Premier League game-week of the 2020/21 season.
Episode 12: Transfer Chat
Toto and David suggest some transfers for each team to make before the window slams shut. David also defends Jordan Pickford strangely aggressively...
Episode 11: SoccerMom!
Soccer Mom's fantasy team names entertained David and Toto greatly, especially Iwobi wan Kenobi.
Episode 10.5: End of Season Ballchat
Toto and David talk some balls and review every team's 2020 Premier League season. The pair have devised a completely objective and fool-proof grading scale for each team. Hopefully, this isn't as stressful as results day. #ballchat
Episode 10 (Part One): A Nonsensical Catch up
David and Toto haven't seen each other in ages so had a lot of catching up to do. In this brief episode, they give an update on celebs, discuss Wales and non-league football, ponder customized flags and there's some sad news about the Podcast Puss... #ballchat will follow soon!
Episode 9: The Championship isn’t ready for Akinfenwa (and some delayed #ballchat)
In this episode (recorded what feels like months ago), Toto and David speculate about the relegation battle and fight for the top 4 (which has already been decided). As well as this, David announces retirement from "soccer", Toto claims that David is faster than some professionals and other things happen too. It was recorded so long ago that we've both forgotten.
Episode Eight: PL Restart Ballchat & SoccerMom's Pro Debut
Toto and David finally talk about PL Restart. VAR, fake crowd noise, the relegation and UCL battles, and much much more. Also, David's mum makes her first planned appearance on the show in the section we call "SoccerMom!"
Clueless Question: (3:27) // PL Ball Chat (11:08) // VAR is bad (22:35) // SoccerMom! (31:13)
Episode Seven: A Whole Lot of Cluelessness
Why is it called a "pitch"? Who is better at FIFA? Why are the 'nets' so big? What even is the offside rule (and how it's confusing to an American). How can "soccer" (bleurgh) become a leading sport in the states? Friend of the pod Brendan Beauregard asks the questions on everyone's lips. Also, West Ham beat Chelsea, so Toto and David are in a great mood. What's not to love? #COYI
Episode Six: Sexy Footballers XI...And it's Live!! (Premier League Return)
David's mum gives insight into her fantasy football team, with the return of the Premier League on the horizon. David and Toto discuss the sexiest current footballers, creating their "Sexy XI". Thoughts on the top 4 and relegation battle are given whilst Martin Tyler returns to the scene.
An Important Message; Black Lives Matter
"Privilege is when you think something is not a problem because it's not a problem for you personally." It's time for us all to stand up and bring about a positive change. What will you do to help?
https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/
Episode Four: Sausage and Peroni
Donning a captain's armband each, Toto and David talk about the "joys" of running, getting drunk in a park (with friends), answer a Clueless Question about the highs of football, sort of talk about football and so so so so much more.
0:00: Intro // 2:13: David’s running stories // 4:59 - Toto and David’s drunk story // 06:37 - David rants about sausages, and gets his Dad to help him out // 10:45 - Very longwinded Q from the Clueless with a story about a Lil Yachty concert // 20:23: Football chat (if you can call it that) // 24:30: Outro
Episode Three: Actual Ball Chat
With there actually being football to talk about, Toto and David talk about football. As well as this, they answer a probing clueless question (Why are footballers so dramatic?), and David speaks about how freeing a bike ride can be, as well as sounding like a pompous a**hole by slagging off Troy Deeney.
0:00 - Intro // 1:39 - Cute 'lil catch up // 6:11 - Question from clueless // 11:30 - Budesliga update and thoughts // 18:50 - Premier league update, new player styles… // 24:17 - outro
Episode Two: The Return of the Bundesliga (feat. a Dildo)
In this episode of One vs. One, Toto and David eventually discuss the return of football in the form of the Bundesliga, but not before touching on cutting matters such as some random girl slagging off Football Manager, long romantic walks, Boris Johnson, and a dildo (not in that order).
0:00 - Unexpected content // 2:12 - Toto attempting to introduce the show // 3:45 - General Nonsense featuring BoJo and Football Manager // 8:02 - Question from clueless: Goalie gloves, Tompa Bay and Toto's name // 15:59 - The return of football - Bundesliga: Who we're supporting and who should YOU support? (Fun little game where Toto puts on a German accent.)
Episode 1: The Muppet Show/Episode Minus 1
At their second attempt (tut-tut Toto), Toto and David talk about their footballing past, explain 'Episode Minus One', answer a 'Question from the Clueless', and comment on the current state of the Premier League.
0:00 - Toto is an idiot and episode intro. // 3:05 - Introductions, who we are. // 8:14 - David and Toto’s background together (School and football). // 10:39 - Recap Episode Minus 1 (feat. David's mum) // 17:11 - Question from the Clueless: ”Why do we (and blokes in general) care so much about football?” // 23:30 - The current state of the Premier League.
One vs. One: Preview
Toto (the big blonde one) and David (the short goalkeeper) talk about what the podcast will be, how it came to into creation, and why you should listen to it.