The Absolute Love Podcast
By Absolute Love Adoptions, Inc
The Absolute Love PodcastMar 02, 2024
Katie, Birth Mother
Meet Katie, who surrendered a child when she was just 16 years old. Now Katie reflects on who her son might be as a 50 year old adult.
Katie would love to meet her son and know that he is OK after all of these years. She kept this secret most of her life now and has only recently given her pain words and allowed the universe to receive it.
Katie shares with deep emotion how she recalls the experience of her pregnancy, the circumstances that led to her being sent away to relinquish her beloved child and the weight of keeping the secret for the majority of her life.
Send out hope that Katie's son finds his way to her. She is ready.
To understand Katie's experience further, please read The Girls Who Went Away by Ann Fessler and American Baby by Gabrielle Glaser. The historical context helps understand what Katie went through.
Jess, Birth Mom
Jess is a birth mom who placed a child for adoption...twice. Her first experience with adoption resulted in a closed adoption due to the adoptive parent's choice. Her second placement after an assault has led to an open adoption with her daughter's adoptive family.
Jess is a Michigan native with part of her heart in Louisiana. She is an adoption professional, dog mom of 2, coffee and wine lover and a Disney super fan!
In this episode we discuss:
Mental health and counseling/therapy and the work of Ashley Mitchell.
Living normal life after placement.
The PACA
Ethics
Courtney, Birth Mom
Courtney Tiera is an adult educator, speaker, birth mother and author.
In this episode, we discuss:
The concept of worthiness and how it influenced her unexpected pregnancy and her choice for adoption for her now adult son.
Adoption as a parenting decision.
Ambiguous loss in adoption.
Choosing adoption as a black woman, and the nuances in the African American community.
Courtney says, "I didn't meet another birth mom until my son was 18. So that was 18 years of 'I know other people do this, but I'm alone' so now to be in this world where birth moms are supported and loved...it has made me a better person being able to hear the stories of what other people are dealing with. It allows empathy."
Find more from Courtney: Worthy!: A Book for Kids of All Ages by Courtney Tierra Cook | BookBaby Bookshop
The Worthy Reminders (@theworthyreminders) • Instagram photos and videos
Lori, Birth Mother
Lori joins us to share her experience as a Freshman in college finding out she was 22 weeks pregnant and ultimately choosing adoption for her daughter.
Lori's experience was driven by the grief and shame of "unwed motherhood" that dominated culturally during the time she experienced her unplanned pregnancy. She was offered only a closed relationship with her daughter as that was the norm at the time. For many years, her pregnancy and adoption choice were kept a secret. In this episode, Lori talks about years of feeling deep shame and unworthiness of relationship with her daughter.
She is now a social worker and an adoption professional who coordinates retreats for birth mothers because of her own experience having her life changed by her first Birth Mom retreat experience nearly 22 years after placement.
Lori says: "I went to a retreat and for the first time in all of those years I felt completely comfortable, completely safe, talking about my adoption without having to filter my words to protect the feelings of other people, because I knew that everybody else in that room when I started talking about it they were going to understand because they were like me."
"The world expects great moms to analyze the needs of their children, figure out the best plan for meeting their needs and execute that plan. And that’s what I did. So if other women did that through parenting their children and making good parenting decisions and they were great moms…then I was a great mom too because I had done the same thing just on a different path."
In this episode we discuss:
Disenfranchised grief in adoption
Post Placement Support for birth parents
The power dynamic between Birth Moms and Adoptive Moms
Find more from ALA www.absoluteloveadoptions.com
Find more from Lori
Tammy, Adoptive Mom
Tammy and her husband began as foster parents with no intention on adopting. That is, until they met their daughter Taylor (Season 2, Episode 3) and her 2 younger siblings. In this episode, Tammy re-lives the time in her life when she met Taylor and the highs and lows of parenting children from hard places.
Paige, Adoptive Mother
On Today's episode we are chatting with Paige who is an adoptive mother of two. Her children, both adopted transracially and domestically are in open adoptions with their Birth Parents. Paige is the owner or Love Grown Adoption Consulting and has a passion for educating families who are preparing to adopt. On this episode, we talk about:
- Identity
- Family and racial culture
- Conspicuous families
- The "checklist" adoptive parents are asked to complete
As mentioned, the voice of transracial adoptees are the most valuable in learning about transracial adoption. Here are some of our favorites:
Melissa Guida-Richards and her book, What White Parents Should Know About Transracial Adoption Resources mentioned in this episode:Michelle, Birth Mother
Michelle is a Birth Mother and author of Delivered: My Harrowing Journey As A Birthmother, two journals for birth mothers, and two nonfiction books part of a Both/And series: Both Darkness and Light, and Both Then And Now. Her new book Both Cleaving and Cleaving will be released April 25, 2022! Michelle is also the author of this birth mom manifesto that is now being included in our SOLACE gift boxes for Birth Mothers.
Michelle placed her son for adoption as an infant. They had no contact until recently, largely stemming from Michelle's feelings like she didn't deserve a relationship with him (which she talks about in this episode). After placing her son, Michelle spent much of her career working as an Adoption Specialist and providing Options Counseling to expectant mothers. As an adult, Michelle's son is now an active part of her family and together they have nurtured a beautiful relationship.
In this episode we discuss:
Support Groups and what birth mothers need post placement.
Resentment and feeling someone made you place your child for adoption.
Guilt and shame when choosing adoption.
OPTIONS COUNSELING! Absolute Love is launching a course for professionals about Options Counseling, and Michelle conducts Options Counseling regularly as part of her job. Much of our discussing is about how to do this well and some of the challenges and experiences encountered when working with women considering adoption.
Resources mentioned:
Taylor, Adoptee
Today’s guest is an incredible 21 year old adoptee, Taylor. Taylor was placed into foster care when she was 7 and adopted at age 12. In our conversation she shared about her life in an unstable home where drugs, alcohol and neglect forced her into the role of parent to her younger siblings, the fear and uncertainty during the years in foster care where she dreaded a possible return to her birth family, her discovery over time of how her experience in a dysfunctional home have contributed to anxiety and her social relationships and nurtured her now strong motivation to help children in hard places.
Becca, Adoptive Mother
On this episode we story tell with Becca who adopted her son at birth through domestic adoption. We chat about her about fertility treatments, deciding to adopt as a single woman in her 40’s, judgement and fear in the adoption process, openness, transracial adoption, and ongoing commitment to open mindedness and growth for herself, her child and her family.
After adopting, Becca opened RG Consulting to help prepare families for adoption. She recently expanded her program to include a nonprofit branch, Back To The Roadmap Fund, in which she awards grants to applicants who have lost money in the adoption process due to disruptions. Back To The Roadmap Fund is hosting their annual adoption symposium on November 20th, 2021 and as always, it is a powerful day with expert speakers in the adoption community. Get your ticket here: bit.ly/adoption-family-symposium
Kristin, Birth Mother/Adoption Professional
Kristin is a birth mother who placed her son for adoption 14 years ago. In this episode, Kirstin talks about her experience as a birth mother, working at an adoption attorney's office, and ultimately opening her business, Evermore Adoption Consultants, as a way to support those working through the unpredictable, and often overwhelming, adoption process.
Kristin mentions the New Parents Academy by Valerie Trumbower (Post Partum Doula/Lactation Consultant). Valerie created a Parenting 101 course specific for adoptive families. It can be found using our affiliate link here!
In our chat, we touched on the term "unicorn baby" which prompted a further exploration of the term, found on our blog.
Kristin also mentions the importance of understanding adoption specific medicine before adoption. We recommend checking out Dr Sara Silvestri, "The Adoption Doc", a Pediatrician and Adoptive Mother.
Nicole, Birth Mother, Part 2
One episode wasn't enough for Nicole's interview. Part 2 is a deep dive into the semantics of "throwing away versus giving away", postpartum depression, celebrating the joy of being a birth mother, what the cost of adoption really is, how to manage the awkwardness of adoption constellation dynamics, pumping and selling breastmilk (yes, birth moms can do that) and so SO MUCH more!
In this episode, Nicole refers to the Alexis Joy Foundation while we talked about Postpartum Depression. Kathryn mentioned Erie Gives Day, an annual local event in which many nonprofits do a large portion of their fundraising. Find Absolute Love on Erie Gives Day if you're in the giving mood!
Nicole, Birth Mother, pt 1
Nicole is a Birth Mother to a 3 year old daughter whom she placed for adoption at birth. After becoming disillusioned with the private adoption world, Nicole found an adoptive family on her own and chose an independent adoption. She has a open relationship with her child's family, but has not seen her in person since placement. Nicole talks about her choice for her unexpected pregnancy and moving forward in a life that she loves fully. She works as a landscaper, is an avid traveler, an eco nut and loves her gym time as she continues on a pretty major weight loss journey.
In this episode, Nicole talks about delivering at The Midwife Center for Birth and Women's Health, our nations largest freestanding birth center and praises her Midwife Jatolloa Davis (Now seeing patients in Philadelphia) for her exceptional care.
Lauren, Birth Mother
Lauren is a mother who chose adoption for her infant son Aidan nearly 18 years ago. When finding out she was pregnant unexpectedly, she was battling addiction and was parenting another young child. Together she and Aidan's father made an adoption plan, and he became the beloved boy of two families.
In this episode, Lauren talks about what her relationship has been like with her son and his adoring parents, Su and Dave, the reasons she chose adoption, and how the decision has affected her life since placement. While Lauren and her son have an open adoption, they have not seen one another in person. Lauren hopes to meet him one day soon.
The message of Lauren's story is on the work of making impossible choices in life, and coming to terms with our pasts.
Khandy & Kenny, Adoptive Parents
Khandy and Kenny are adoptive parents through private, domestic adoption. Kenny is an active duty Marine. Khandy is a registered nurse who became a stay at home Mom when their daughter came home.
In this episode, they talk about their "stork drop" adoption with their daughter, their true love for her Birth Mother and the ways they include her in their lives. They address the notion that black people dont adopt, and discuss the differences between informal adoption and the legal, private adoption of their child. They talk about fertility and the pressures of having biological children, and some of the criticisms theyve faced with regards to growing their family through adoption.
Khandy and Kenny can be found on Instagram, and Khandy's youtube channel. They are hoping to adopt again! If you are looking to place a child, text them directly at 910.939.0970. Their adoption profile book can be found here.
Resources from this episode:
Lauren, Adoptee
Lauren is an intelligent, eloquent woman, wife and mother. She was also adopted as an infant in a closed adoption. On today's episode, we explore the complexities and questions that come with being adopted, even in the most adoption competent families.
Now an adult with a child of her own, Lauren discusses how the curiosity factor of her biological identity and origin story has come and gone over the years with different life events, and how it does make her family just a little bit different, even if it doesn't appear that way at first glance from the outside.
Lauren says, “You're trying on different pieces of your personality. As you're figuring out who you are as an adoptee, even in the most wonderfully adoptive home, there's still the question of ‘well there's still this part of me that's not really isn't like any of you, I wonder who that comes from. And I think that’s just natural as we’re going through that period of self discovery.”
Leah, A Birth Mother
On todays episode we talk with Leah, a Birth mother who at 16 years old placed her daughter for adoption. Today they have a very open adoption and are continually working through the complexities of that relationship. We talk about the grief after visits with her daughter, the fear of birth parents, the need for community and support and how we can continue pushing growth in adoption practices by talking about the hard things.
Leah is the voice behind “The Grace Bond,” a blog focused on Faith, Hope, Motherhood and Adoption.
Arlene, An Adoptee Perspective
Arlene is a wife, a mother of 3 and the owner of a daycare. She was placed for adoption at birth. While she found her birth mother and relatives years ago, she has yet to meet them in person. Arlene shares her experience of being an adoptee and how a car accident and the birth of her children changed her perspective on her identity as an adoptee.
Mallory, a Birth Mom's Perspective on Adoption
Mallory is a 29 year old birth mother who placed her son in an open adoption 8 years ago with a private, domestic adoption agency. During our conversation, Mallory talks about her choice for adoption, and her relationship with her son and his adoptive family.
Mallory is a spunky, beautiful woman who invests her free time in her art, creating beautiful work with paint and clay, and is a lifelong gymnast who recently joined the circus, literally! Mallory wrote a book about her adoption experience called "The Little Egg" that is available for purchase on Amazon.