By Afterbite Podcast
Bee, Jourdann, and Brian are on a quest to watch every single episode of The Vampire Diaries, The Originals, and Legacies, in that order. Catch us every Friday! Follow us on twitter: @AfterbitePod
115. The Eras Tour (TVD's Verison)
TVD 06x03 | Stefan’s out of his bit era and into his being a douchebag era. Elena’s in her sitcom era. Jeremy’s in his hoe era. Everybody’s in some sort of era, and very very few of them are good!
November 25, 2022
114. The Dreaded Delena Clipshow Episode
TVD 06x02 | Enzo is the ultimate feminist. Caroline hurts some feelings. Elena finally forgets Damon. Brian imparts some incredible Comic Con deep cuts upon us. The skit we referenced: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mkCBi1Kla3s New episodes every Friday! Our patreon: https://www.patreon.com/afterbite
November 18, 2022
113. Elena Gilbert's Academic Excellence Era
TVD 06x01 | AND WE'RE BACK! Someone looks like Idina Menzel but Brian's not sure who, Matt Donovan's a vampire racist, and Nina Dobrev had an insane time at Comic Con in 2014. Link to the HitFix interview we talk about extensively: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K3eQot05Z1w
November 11, 2022
The Vampire Diaries Season 5 Wrap Up
Bee and Brian bring u the final wrap up of this season of Afterbite: Season 5 of The Vampire Diaries! This was easier than we thought, actually, once you discard all the really really bad episodes you're left with just a few golden nuggets of good good dorky teen tv. Nina Dobrev the real person deserves literally all the awards for this season, she's the only thing holding this ship together. We're taking a bit of a break after this so we can recharge / Bee can move house again / Brian can get lost in the swamp and have time to find his way back / Jourdann can steal more library books.
August 12, 2022
The Originals Season One Wrap Up!
We're finally here with our Originals season one wrap up episode! We talk about how this might just be the best season of a tvdu show... ever. We rank every episode, we ask "wait what was this episode about" like a million times, we have FUN!
August 06, 2022
112. ... And They Don't Stop Coming
TVD 5x22 | Jourdann forgot to watch the finale before we sat down to record this episode, and things really do not get better from there. Damon's obnoxious but he's really making it work for him this episode I'm not gonna lie. Jeremy and Bonnie remain a top tier couple. What's that? Oh my god it's Bamon coming in at the last second with a steel chair!
August 01, 2022
111. The Hits Start Coming...
TO 1x22 | Brian is booboo the fool this week! Bee loses her mind, Hayley loses her life, Klaus loses his house to the debt collectors. The whole damn cast is acting like rent is due. It's a win all around!
July 22, 2022
110. A Good Episode? In MY Season 5? It's More Likely Then You Think!
TVD 5x21 | Listen, nobody is more surprised then me that I ended up actually liking this episode. Join Bee and Brian as they talk buckets o' blood, Caroline Forbes, and tumblr!
July 15, 2022
109. Disney Georg
TO 1x21 | The whole gang is back and we have a banger episode for ya! Bee and Brian are terrified of a 90's children's cartoon, Jourdann is a library thief, and we're all losing our minds just a little bit. Brian is Disney Georg who spends 10,000 hours every day thinking about Disney properties. he is an outlier adn should not have been counted
July 10, 2022
108. Having A Bad Time While Wet
TVD 5x20 | Bee and Brian are breaking down hard this week. We talk about YASCAR, the spiral mac and cheese being far superior, and Jeremy's inevitable and eventual bisexuality.
July 01, 2022
107. A Ceremonial V8
Crack open a ceremonial V8 because we are BACK, BABES! Bee and Bri talk The Orignials, Brian's Christian Hymn Mashup of the Century, and that Klaus moment that Bee loves so much. Follow us on twitter @AfterbitePod and get the episodes early by subscribing to our Patreon patreon.com/afterbite!
June 24, 2022
106. fly away on phoenix wings, amen
TVD 5x19 | Listen. I don't know what's going on in this episode either. Somehow, despite it being an episode about the vampire diaries, we ended up talking about Legacies more. Enzo and Damon continue to be gay best friends but in a straight dude way. Stefan gives us the gift of CINEMA. Bonnie's going thru it.
May 22, 2022
105. Big Sleepy Energy
TO 1x19 | The Legacies news had not broken when we were recording this, oops. We've got real sleepy energy in this episode, so prepare for a laidback experience this week on Afterbite! Brian's on his criminal mastermind shit. Bee's going off about catholic imagery. Jourdann isn't here but would've loved this episode.
May 13, 2022
104. Yet Another Delena Breakup
Bee and Brian make their way through Paul Wesley's directorial debut! Delena breaks up for the 7th time. We have a crushing realizaiton about how long we're going to be doing this show for, exactly. Support us directly on patreon.com/afterbite! Buy merch at brightcrownmedia.com/shop. Follow us on twitter: @AfterbitePod.
May 06, 2022
103. Hope Mikaelson = Jesus?!?
The gang's all here and we get playfully blasphemous! Someday we may answer for our sins but that day sure isn't today! Bee hates Pope Gregory I, Brian tries his hardest to derail this episode MULTIPLE times, and Jourdann is here four months early.
May 01, 2022
102. Damon the PTA mom
TVD 05 x 17 | Bee has extreme sleepy energy this episode so we're just taking it easy this week on Afterbite! This episode of TVD kinda sucks and we're not afraid to say it. We talk Delena, whatever Liv is up to, Bonnie being bisexual, and gay representation.
April 15, 2022
101. This is Soup!
TO 1x17 | Bee and Jourdann make soup! We talk about found family and how it really does hit different when you're queer. Marcel's up to some shit, Cami's on the struggle bus, Genevieve is still here somehow? It's a wild episode.
April 08, 2022
100. The Inaugural Bitey Awards
Holy shit I can't believe we made it to episode 100. They said it couldn't be done, they said it wouldn't be fun but boy howdy we've DONE IT and had a BLAST! Thanks so much for sticking around on our long journey here... here's to 100 more! Bee forgot to set this episode to go live on the correct day, and honestly isn't that just the Afterbite experience?
March 28, 2022
99. The CW Show to K-Pop Stan Pipeline
Bee and Jourdann... well... you can probably tell from the title that Bee and Jourdann go fucking through it this episode. The Travelers remain nefarious for like no real reason. We decide what the k-pop group for tvd would look like. It's a bit of a mess but honestly extremely on brand for both k-pop and us! Spotify playlist we mentioned in the episode: https://spoti.fi/3KZb37o
March 19, 2022
98. King! Your Door!
TO 01x16 | Bee and Brain talk storyville, red doors, and ace attorney twists! Follow us on twitter: @AfterbitePod Support us on Patreon: patreon.com/afterbite
March 13, 2022
97. is season 5 actually... good?
TVD 05x15 | We recorded this episode LIVE on our patreon! Things are BRUTAL in the vampire diaries podcasting industry, very cutthroat. Brian is here for like 3 minutes and then vanishes, Nia is here in spirit, and Jourdann and Bee are crying over how good this episode actually is.
March 04, 2022
96. Simply Chaos
TO 0x15 | Bee's losing their voice, Brian is tying women to train tracks like an old-timey french-coded villain, Jourdann doesn't know basic geography. In The Originals Cami is delivering a verbal smack-down, Hayley is threatening an immoral witch with a shotgun, and Rebekah is having a no good, very bad day.
February 25, 2022
95. gatekeep, gaslight, anti-girlboss
Stefan and Caroline co-parent the Mystic Falls gang. Bee unveils their twelve step plan for fixing Tyler Lockwood. Step 1: actually, genuinely, apologize to Caroline. Steps 2 - 11: ???? Step 12: Profit We also talk about the life and legacy of Sarah Jones, who this episode of tvd is dedicated to. You can learn more about Sarah and safety initiatives made in her memory at safetyforsarah.com Our socials: Patreon Twitter
February 18, 2022
94. Booked and Busy
Seriously, did Celeste need to go through that many bodies? Rebekah is a little bit brutal. Klaus and Genevieve have some wild energy in the studio. Hayley hits a bitch with a shovel. Support us on patreon! Follow us on twitter: @AfterbitePod
February 11, 2022
93. The 9 to 5
This episode does its job and leaves so honestly? not half bad! Bee and Brian say like 4 complete sentences this entire hour, they were NOT on their A game. They didn't show up to WORK but this episode did. Support us on patreon! Follow us on twitter: @AfterbitePod
February 05, 2022
92. A Vampire, a Witch, and a Catholic Priest walk into a bar...
There's SOME sort of joke here, I'm SURE OF IT. We get playfully anti-catholic. Bee says the phrase "Iconographically Recognizable" like it's a real word and I'm still 90% sure it's not. This episode is a little scuffed but that's really just the Afterbite Way ™!
January 31, 2022
Bee and Jourdann have a good good time with a good bad episode. We actually like Damon for once? Trust me we're as confused by this as you are. Bee can't stop saying besties. Follow us on twitter: @AfterbitePod Find us on patreon!
January 21, 2022
90. Papa Tunde, Papa Problems
Bee and Brian REALLY like The Originals this week! Papa Tunde is one of the best villains a TVDu show has ever had. I'm gonna be honest with you, dear listeners, I don't really have a witty description this week. I honestly don't think anyone reads these, so if you do, tweet us on twitter with the vampire emoji of your choice. Follow us on twitter: @AfterbitePod Subscribe for early access on patreon: patreon.com/afterbite
January 14, 2022
89. Is It Still Elderly Abuse If They're a 500 Year-Old Vampire?
The whole gang is back so you know this episode is gonna have entirely too much chaos. To honor the 100th episode of The Vampire Diaries we decide to dunk on it for about an hour and a half. Damon's not bad, Stefan's still the best, and Everybody Hates Katherine. Twitter: @AfterbitePod Patreon: patreon.com/afterbite
January 07, 2022
88. Needlessly Dramatic
Nothin' else to say other than that this episode is a banger through and through. This is our last episode for the year, we'll be back in January! Find us on twitter | patreon
December 17, 2021
87. We're Denzo shippers now
Damon and Enzo are exes according to us, we’re doing what Julie Plec would NEVER. Katherine is the funniest character on this show. We learn some buck-wild stuff about the writer of this episode. Patreon: patreon.com/afterbite Twitter: twitter.com/afterbitepod
December 12, 2021
86. The Yasssification of Rebekah Mikaelson
TO 5x10 | The Gang Tries Feminism! This week is all about women and GIRLPOWER and BEING A GIRLBOSS. Klaus threatens to kill a child (again), Davina girlbosses girlbossily, Rebekah invents feminism. Bee and Jourdann make a hallmark movie. Get episodes early on our patreon! patreon.com/afterbite Follow us on twitter! twitter.com/afterbitepod
December 03, 2021
85. Enzo St. John: Respecter of Women
TVD 5x09 | Enzo ALWAYS drinks his respect women juice. Bee gets really protective of her boys. Brian ranked an episode under 5 for ONCE. It's a wild time all around. New episodes every Friday! Get episodes early and bonus content on our patreon! Follow us on twitter: @AfterbitePod
November 19, 2021
84. A Filthy Klaus Mikaelson Apologist
TO 1x09 | Bee is coming out.... as a Klaus Mikaelson apologist. We can all agree Hayley and Elijah is like,,, a little weird right? Rebekah's an eternal 10, Diego and Elijah get a lil homoerotic, and we add a new stat to our stats sheet! Bonus content and episodes early on our patreon! Follow us on twitter: @AfterbitePod
November 12, 2021
83. [TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES]
TVD 5X08 | We had A TOUGH TIME recording this episode, because A) vibes were bad and B) technical difficulties. We’re encouraging characters to get out of their plot armor and INTO coffins. This episode contains: Bee bitching about the V8 Energy Drink supply chain, plot armor, and a brief mention about the only important thing in this episode. This episode DOES NOT contain: us enjoying season 5 episode 8 of the vampire diaries.
October 29, 2021
82. Elijah Mikaelson's Foot Fetish
We’re back with a BANGER episode! Elijah is both a foot fetishist AND Sisyphus. He has the range. Klaus is a fucking insane person. Bee loses her shit over wikifeet. Rebekah’s a girlboss. “You’re a shithead, Major Dickhead.” New episodes every Friday! New episodes early and bonus content on our patreon: https://www.patreon.com/afterbite
October 22, 2021
A little announcement from Bee!
We'll be back on FRIDAY, OCTOBER 15TH! Need your Afterbite fix while we're gone? Check us out on patreon.com/afterbite! I'm going to sleep for a YEAR within these three weeks. You'll be alright without me for a bit, yeah?
September 22, 2021
81. Sweetwater Sweeties, Attorneys at Law
Welcome to Sweetwater Sweeties, our Riverdale fancast that’s only 4 years too late. Hey you remember that one rabies episode of Criminal Minds where the unsub gave the victims rabies? That was fucked up right? We also talk about The Vampire Diaries this episode, I promise. Silas dies, Tessa dies, Amara dies, it’s an action packed season finale! Wait, it's not a season finale? It’s only episode 7? WHAT? Find us on patreon.com/afterbite for episodes early, as well as special bonus content! We're on twitter: @AfterbitePod. New eps every Friday-ish!
September 17, 2021
80. kla(UWU)s mikaels(OWO)n
Welcome to the CLENCU (Comically Large Evil Needle Cinematic Universe). Continuity doesn’t exist here, it’s a godless land. Tyler Lockwood jumps off a character cliff. Bee says some shit about science that might not be correct. If you’re a biologist or a med student and want to tell us about vampire and blood science, hit us up! New episode every Friday-ish! First up on patreon.com/afterbite. Follow us on twitter: @AfterbitePod
September 10, 2021
79. Silas is a MISOGYNIST?!? (Not clickbait) (VIDEO EVIDENCE)
TVD 5x07 | Bee’s cancelled because she hates New Jersey. Pineapple on pizza is bad, the B-team will fight you on this. Girlbosses do girlboss things, Silas is a misogynist, all in all a pretty normal episode. New episodes every Friday (-ish), find us early on patreon.com/afterbite or on twitter: @AfterbitePod
August 28, 2021
78. A Comically Large Needle
Welcome to Klaus Mikaelson’s art class this week, we’re talking about symbolism and also maybe killing your brother who knows! Elijah would’ve made a really great lawyer in a past life. We appreciate good poetry! New episodes every Friday! Get new episodes FIRST on our patreon patreon.com/afterbite. Follow us on twitter: @AfterbitePod
August 20, 2021
77. Our Loveless Marriage
TVD 5x05 | Damon as Henry VIII is a little too on the nose for our tastes. Tyler swings for the fences with his new character arc and misses. Elena is faced with a mirror of herself and is like "woah was I this sad and annoying?" (the answer is yes of course she was that sad and annoying.) None of this episode makes any goddamn sense so I guess the description doesn't either. Enjoy! https://www.patreon.com/afterbite twitter: @AfterbitePod New episodes every Friday!
August 13, 2021
76. RE: RE: FWD: Witch Plan for World Domination (and Lunch on Thursday)
TO 1x05 | The episode of (Not As) Young Adult podcast that Bee was on is here! https://spoti.fi/3Copyhy Hey did you know that gay people started to exist in 2015? True fact, they didn’t exist before that! The girlies go on a road trip and we’re LOVING IT! (read in an annoying business voice) Just touching base with you on that whole massacre business, I wanted to make sure we were on the same page! Find us on twitter: @AfterbitePod and patreon! patreon.com/afterbite New episodes every Friday
August 06, 2021
75. We're Doomed, Bestie
TVD 5x04 | This week is a LOT to take in. Brotherly bonding, Stelena soulmates, Bonnie finally being Dead Dead, Matt and his terrible Eastern European accent, and to top it all off there’s a funeral. I can’t say that this episode didn’t make me cry, because it did, but I also can’t say this episode is a solid 10 out of 10, because it isn’t. All I know for sure is that Brett Matthews owes me financial compensation for putting me through this. New episodes every Friday! Follow us on twitter @AfterbitePod Support us on patreon! patreon.com/afterbite
July 23, 2021
74. We Wore Khakis in This One
TO 1x04 | Bee and Brian are having a chill, business casual brunch with this episode of The Originals! Davina's a girlboss, Klaus is a manipulator, Leah Pipes is incredibly good at her job. It's our first 10 of the season! Wowza! You know the drill by now, patreon.com/afterbite , brightcrownmedia.com/shop , and twitter: @AfterbitePod New episodes out on Fridays (more or less)!
July 16, 2021
73. (extremely Italian voice) That's A Spicy Teen TV!
TVD 5x03 | Bee and Brian are on the wild wild TVD season 5 express and this train is running away faster than we can handle it. We talk how pretty Janina Gavankar is, how dramatic Qetsiyah is, and how gay Bee is. It’s a LOT. Patreon! patreon.com/afterbite Merch! brightcrownmedia.com/shop Twitter! @AfterbitePod ! New episodes every Friday!
July 09, 2021
72. Sherlock Holmes, Teen Detective!
TO 1x03 | Bee has some uninvited guests. Teen Sherlock Holmes is Britain's next top boy genius detective! We get genuinely emotional over Klaus. Bee breaks down magic better than Julie Plec ever could. New episodes every Friday (-ish)! Support us on patreon @ patreon.com/afterbite . Follow us on twitter: @AfterbitePod!
July 04, 2021
71. Fixed Your Show!
TVD 5x02 | We get a little NSFW in this episode, so apologies for that. It starts at about 24 minutes and ends at 28 minutes, skip over that if it’s not your jam! Bee fixes all of TVD. Brian’s loopy from cold medicine. It is certainly An Episode! Merch: brightcrownmedia.com/shop Patreon: patreon.com/afterbite Twitter: @AfterbitePod New episodes every Friday!
June 25, 2021
70. Welcome to the Vampire Resources Department
TO 1x02 | Bee pronounces French words wrong, probably. This white savior storyline is… a lot. Jourdann isn’t mad, she’s just disappointed. Brian’s a corporate buffoon. We take a short little walk down to the Vampire Resources Department to get set up on payroll with our new best friend, Josh! New episodes every Friday! Support us on patreon.com/afterbite. Follow us on twitter: @AfterbitePod
June 18, 2021
69. Hot Girl Summer!
TVD 5x01 | Hope you all had fun during your hot girl summer because we’re jumping RIGHT back into the thick of things with the season 5 premiere of the vampire diaries. It’s a little messy, and we only like about 60% of it, but hey! We’re back! Fun fact we recorded this episode BEFORE Lorde announced her new music so Jourdann is a psychic for that one. Matt gets pod people’d. Rebekah’s a bi icon. Hayley Kiyoko is here for some reason. Follow us on twitter: @AferbitePod and subscribe to our patreon for early episodes and bonus content! patreon.com/afterbite
June 11, 2021
68. B-Team, Assemble!
TO 1x01 | Brian and Bee are the only ones in the metaphorical Afterbite studio this week so welcome to The B-Team special edition of Afterbite! We chat about the Originals, New Orleans, and how much we love every dang character we come across, even the bad guys. Support us at patreon.com/afterbite and by following us on Twitter: @AfterbitePod. New episodes every Friday!
June 04, 2021
67.5 Secret Season 4 Wrap Up!
It's Bee's birthday today so what better way to celebrate than by listening to the season 4 bonus episode where Jourdann and Bee wrap up the WHOLE DANG SEASON! WOW! INCREDIBLE! AMAZING! NEVER BEEN DONE BEFORE! We streamed this live from our youtube channel (Afterbite Podcast) and we're live recording more episodes on our patreon.com/afterbite so check out there if you wanna see us LIVE!
May 03, 2021
67. Season Four Finale!
TVD 4x23 | Oh boy HOWDY it's a banger of an episode for our season 4 finale. We talk Kalus Mikaelson: Sugar Daddy, Delena: why, and how truly truly sad we are about Jeremy and Bonnie. We're gonna be releasing our bonus episode ranking this season soon, and then we'll be taking a little break before getting into season 5 (of tvd) and season 1 (of the originals). We'll be back in mid/late may! Stay tuned! Follow us on twitter: @AfterbitePod and get the episodes early at patreon.com/afterbite
April 23, 2021
66. Death Looks Good on Jeremy Gilbert
TVD 4x22 | All Powerful and Incredible Girlboss Bonnie Bennett causes problems on purpose and we love it! We finally figure out wtf Silas is doing for his evil plan. Kat Graham is better than this show. Matt and Rebekah are Himbo / Bimbo Solidarity. We talk more about Character Development Juice. Does anyone actually read my descriptions anymore? Early access to episodes on patreon.com/afterbite and follow us on twitter @AfterbitePod. New episodes come out every Friday!
April 16, 2021
65. Vampire Biology 101
TVD 4x21 | Welcome to Vampire Biology 101, your first foray into the wild world of how the fuck vampires do literally anything! How does the blood thing work? Hey Julie, hey Kevin,,, how the FUCK does the blood thing work? I need an answer. I am standing outside of your house with my notebook in hand, ready for you to tell me how the FUCK the blood thing works. New episodes every Friday! Follow us on twitter @AfterbitePod and check our patreon at patreon.com/afterbite
April 09, 2021
64. One Man, Many Bangers
TVD 4x20 | We’re in New Orleans baby! Klaus has a friend?!? Nature historically said “Hey gang! Check out this cool new thing I made!” and I love that about her. Bee and Jourdann go real deep into Shakespeareanism, theatre acting, and film theory in this episode. We have merch now! Check it out @ brightcrownmedia.com/shop . As always, episodes up early on patreon.com/afterbite and all other eps go up on Fridays! We're on twitter @ AfterbitePod
April 02, 2021
63. Bonk! City!
TVD 4x19 | Now is a GREAT time to join our patreon @ patreon.com/afterbite because we have some VERY exciting things coming next week. This episode is fucking SICK and TWISTED for playing with our emotions like this. Matt forgot his Character Development Juice at home today. Jourdann talks about H2O: Just Add Water. Bee makes a Smash Bros reference. Walmart Palpatine is here now! New episodes every Friday! Follow us on twitter: @AfterbitePod
March 26, 2021
62. Let The Women Act Out!
TVD 4x18 | Damon, the emotional equivalent of a puddle, makes annoying comments on other people’s depth. Elena has A Time this episode. Elijah's back! This episode is a soft 10 then a hard 9 then a soft 10 again, but not in the way you're thinking, we promise. Support us on patreon (patreon.com/afterbite) and follow us on twitter (@AfterbitePod)! New episode every Friday!
March 19, 2021
61. The Cultural Phenomenon of The Vampire Diaries
TVD 4x17 | We wish the TVD writers had kept this one to themselves! Klaus gets knocked down a peg before The Originals builds him up a whole bunch. Damon remains The Worst. We take a long look at how damaging The Vampire Diaries really was to like,,, young women in the 2010's and the answer is: very! New episodes every Friday! Support us on patreon.com/afterbite ! Follow us on twitter: @AfterbitePod
March 12, 2021
60. Eyes Emojis All The Way Down
TVD 4x16 | Hayley is back on our screens and we couldn’t be happier about it! People stand in places and have conversations this week, and it’s pretty alright. Hayley and Klaus do things and… you know… make a spinoff happen. Bee reaches into the dark corner of her mind and somehow comes out with Icona Pop lyrics. Check out our patreon for behind the scenes goofs! New episode every Friday! Follow us on twitter: @AfterbitePod
March 05, 2021
59. BBE (Big Bestie Energy)
TVD 4x15 | Back from the abyss this week: It’s Brian! We’re in the hurt no comfort tag and there’s no end in sight. There’s a line in this episode that WILL live rent free in Bee’s head forever! Nina Dobrev is so powerful and we honestly won’t be recovering any time soon. We do therapy and it’s really calming actually. Get episodes early on patreon.com/afterbite and follow us on twitter at @AfterbitePod. New episodes every Friday!
February 26, 2021
58. Ancient Biblical Language Bing
TVD 4x14 | Caroline channels her inner Lara Croft! Bee and Jourdann lose it over the YEARNING. King Lear made Klaus into a drama queen, pass it on. We cry in this one. (If any of y’all spoil Jourdann on this one I WILL be personally responsible for your downfall) Check out our patreon.com/afterbite follow us on twitter: @AfterbitePod. We come out with new episodes every Friday!
February 19, 2021
57. Hot Wife, Bad Life
TVD 4x13 | Hey I (Bee) had a lil bit of a cold when we recorded this so I’m sorry for all my snuffling in this ep. This week the gang goes to the middle of nowhere and talks a lot and surprisingly? It’s a really good episode. Klaus is good at being the bad guy! Professor Creepy had a hot wife this whole time and nobody ever told us about it and honestly that’s a crime. Support us on patreon patreon.com/afterbite and follow us on twitter @AfterbitePod. New episodes every Friday!
February 12, 2021
56. 99 Red Balloons
TVD 4x12 | The gang rediscovers the wonderful nature of the Goldfinger cover of 99 Red Balloons and it’s A Whole Thing. Sometimes you just gotta find joy where you can, no shame! TVD further descends into a comedy, and we are LOVING IT. Check us out on patreon (patreon.com/afterbite) for behind the scenes goofs, early access to episodes, and much much more. New episodes of Afterbite come out every Friday! Follow us on twitter: @AfterbitePod
February 05, 2021
55. The Girlbossification of Elena Gilbert
This week we’re having a sleepover so grab your comfy pjs, pop some popcorn, and settle down ladies, theydies, and everyone in between, we’re gonna stay up way too late and watch great episodes of tvd! When Kol shows up you KNOW problems are going to be caused. We’re all working for a more equal #GIRLBOSS world. New episodes every Friday! Check out our patreon! We’re on twitter @AfterbitePod
January 29, 2021
54. The Amazing Race: Vampire Diaries Edition!
TVD 4x10 | This week tvd gifted us a a recap episode and we're not gonna let it go to waste! Talking points: Jeremy's weird hair, our unending love for Rebekah Mikaelson, and how weird it is when Damon talks like he's romantic when really he's just... Damon. New episodes every Friday! Episodes up early on our patreon! Follow us on twitter @AfterbitePod
January 22, 2021
53. A Non-Denominational Winter Holiday Wonderland!
TVD 4x09 | It’s a Non-Denominational Winter Holiday Spectacular this week! It’s not really non-denominational, it's really just christmas. I’m sorry to disappoint but The Vampire Diaries is really not super inclusive, who woulda thunk it! Caroline gets kidnapped again. There’s a bottle episode happening somewhere, I think? Klaus keeps on serving us Bad Guy Realness and surprising depth! We’re going on a little break for the holidays, so we’ll be back in 2021. I would say something cheesy like “thanks for making 2020 a great year!” but we’d both know that I’m lying so I’ll just say “you made it! I’m really proud of you for making it through a bad year, so give yourself a little pat on the back from me!”
December 18, 2020
52. Professor Creepy's Very Creepy Tea
TVD 4x08 | Just two dudes, talkin’ about war ‘n stuff, y’know… just guy things. Professor Shane is selling us creepy tea and we’re not buying it! We’re 95% sure the CW network is just a bad dating service. A woman gets kidnapped again, what’s new ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ New episodes every Friday! Follow us on twitter: @AfterbitePod and support us on patreon.com/afterbite for bonus stuff and early access to episodes!
December 11, 2020
51. Mimosas and Murder
TVD 4x07 | The Murder Train is leaving the station! XOXO Gossip Klaus. Get the episodes early on our patreon! New episodes every Friday! Follow us on twitter: @AfterbitePod
December 04, 2020
50. For No Good Reason...
TVD 4x06 | Klaus has a better PR agent than Damon. We get way too into big character arcs. It’s not Elena’s fault! Klaus is a feminist now? Stefan’s got no brain! We spend the last 10 minutes of this episode crying for no genuine reason. Jourdann wonders why we’re here. Get episodes early on our patreon! New episodes every Friday! Follow us on twitter: @AfterbitePod
November 20, 2020
49. One Size Fits All Mystic Grill Murder
TVD 4x05 | Someone give Elena Gilbert a hug PLEASE. The Underground Railroad wasn’t actually underground, please tell me you understand that. Bee makes a new measurement! We focus on the women in this episode, surprising absolutely nobody! Support us on patreon to get episodes early and more bonus content! patreon.com/afterbite Follow us on twitter: @AfterbitePod. New episodes every Friday!
November 15, 2020
48. Ugh, Men.
TVD 4x04 | This episode has it all! Big bulging muscles? Check! Rebekah Mikaelson stealing our hearts? Check! Men causing problems on purpose? Check! Jourdann and Bee spiraling into an actor's wikipedia page for like no reason? Check! Check! Check! New episode every Friday! Follow us on patreon for early access to episodes and other fun stuff Follow us on twitter: @AfterbitePod
November 06, 2020
47. Chef's Kiss Emoji
TVD 4x03 | We take a 10 minute detour to talk about The Lumineers. Phoebe Tonkin is here and she’s VERY Australian. Jourdann is finally in on the joke! This and all episodes are posted a whole day early on our patreon so check it out there first! Follow us on twitter @AfterbitePod! New episodes every Friday!
October 30, 2020
46. We're Gay.
TVD 4x02 | The Vampire Diaries is good?!? Honestly we’re shocked too. Bee has a giggle fit! Bonnie is depressed. Friendship is just so powerful! Support us on patreon and follow us on twitter @AfterbitePod. New episode every Friday!
October 23, 2020
45. Bonnie Breaks Bad!
TVD 4x01 | This episode is the Super Smash Bros Ultimate of the vampire diaries universe. Everyone’s here! This episode has it all: our triumphant return to season 4, Jourdann and I mercilessly roasting Brian, and a Patreon! Check out our patreon: patreon.com/afterbite and our discord: discord.gg/UxybURx
October 16, 2020
44.5 Season 3 Wrap Up!
TVD Season 3 | Bee and Jourdann are here to wrap up season 3 with you by ranking every episode! We talk Brian's whack rankings, our favorite and least favorite eps of season 3, and a very heartfelt voice message from our werewolf dad Harley! New episodes every week! Follow us on twitter: @AfterbitePod
September 21, 2020
44. Actions! Have! Consquences!
TVD 3x22 | It’s the season 3 finale and boy HOWDY do we have a banger of an episode for y’all! Bonnie disappears into thin air. Damon’s out of character! Jeremy and Matt make some Decisions. Alaric breaks our hearts. Elena… well… you’ll see. New episode every week! Follow us on twitter: @AfterbitePod
September 11, 2020
43. Main Character Disease
TVD 3x21 | Klaus is a 2010 gossip blogger. Stefan and Damon have Main Character Syndrome! The Vampire Diaries is a straight show for straight people and we’re just a couple of queer folks suffering through it. Bee continues to ask men the most essential question: why? New episode every week! Follow us on twitter: @AfterbitePod
September 08, 2020
42. If You Hear The Cha-Cha Slide: Run.
TVD 3x20 | Alaric and his evil alter ego get pedicures. Rebekah has a terrible track record with dances. Your actions will not have any consequences ever! Buzzfeed Unsolved is gonna have a field day with Esther's plan. New episodes every week! Follow us on twitter: @AfterbitePod
September 05, 2020
41. A Hailstorm of Toxic Masculinity
TVD 3x19 | This episode was not sponsored by V8 but I wish it was. Frankly things that happen in this episode are homophobic to us personally. We try our best in the face of Delena. We think this is the plot of Kingdom Hearts? We’ve been circling around this toilet bowl of a story for far too long. New episodes every week! Follow us on twitter: @AfterbitePod
September 01, 2020
40. If He Dies, He Dies
TVD 3x18 | It is a miracle this episode ever saw the light of day. Sage and Finn may be the healthiest couple on tvd? Bee bans some phrases which absolutely won’t come back to haunt her later. Matt’s gonna die! New episodes every week! Follow us on twitter: @AfterbitePod
August 29, 2020
39. Phi Omega Alpha
TVD 3x17 | Damon’s got the power of god and anime on his side! It doesn’t turn out well for him. We love Meredith now! We all saw this one coming but it still hurts! Bee’s wrong about the dog, we’re sorry about that false report. New episodes every week! Follow us on twitter: @AfterbitePod
August 25, 2020
TVD 3x16 | Do you think Samantha Gilbert utilized girlpower when she went on a killing spree in 1912? Damon is tolerable for once and I don’t know how it happened either. We had bicon Sage and we lost bicon Sage. New episodes every week! Follow us on twitter: @AfterbitePod
August 21, 2020
37. Limp Wet Noodle
TVD 3x15 | Bee and Jourdann talk about a lot of things that are vaguely Vampire Diaries adjacent. Some talking points: Julie Plec owes Jourdann an apology, wet noodles, tweedle-dee and tweedle-dum. New episodes every week! Follow us on twitter @AfterbitePod
August 08, 2020
36. The Mystic Falls Hivemind
TVD 3x14 | Elena and Elijah reprise their roles as the best buddy cops in Mystic Falls! We talk about witches a lot! Why were there horses there? We still don’t know. New episodes every week! Follow us on twitter @AfterbitePod
August 05, 2020
35. The Bill Of It All
TVD 3x13 | Hey did you know this is a vampire show? We’re trying not to make Elijah late for his 3 pm. The answer to all your questions is PAIN. New episodes every week! Follow us on twitter @AfterbitePod
August 01, 2020
34. a littol baby stake
TVD 3x12 | This week, we're barn adjacent! For some reason vampires and wooden buckshot AREN'T the weirdest thing Bee’s seen in a barn. We unfortunately start a Bonnie kidnap counter. Bennett flex tape is really the only thing holding The Vampire Diaries together. New episodes every week! Follow us on twitter @AfterbitePod
July 28, 2020
33. A Very Spicy Boy
TVD 3x11 | The Mystic Falls gang grows up big time! Joseph Morgan acts with his face (and his other body parts too, I guess). We say goodbye, but also hello! New episodes every week! Follow us on twitter @AfterbitePod
July 25, 2020
32. Klaus' HGTV Dream Home
TVD 3x10 | The whole Mystic Falls gang needs therapy really bad, but are they going to get it? No! Stefan’s a rowdy boy now, and it goes very poorly! Meredith is here now so shoutout to strong women who maybe commit murder. We take a visit to Elena Gilbert’s Mind Erasing Emporium. I don’t remember it. New episodes every week! Follow us on twitter: @AfterbitePod
July 21, 2020
31. People Have Weird Kinks, Bye!
TVD 3x9 | There’s plans on top of plans on top of plans. Mikael is here and then not here, like a thief in the night. It would’ve worked if it weren’t for those meddling Stefan’s! New episodes every week! Follow us on Twitter: @AfterbitePod
July 18, 2020
30. Ye Olde Mystic Falls
TVD 3x8 | We’re playing bingo this week! The Salvatore brothers don’t tip, pass it on. Elijah has a piano recital and we’re all very proud of him. #LoreWhores! New episodes Thursdays and Fridays! Follow us on twitter @AferbitePod
July 15, 2020
29. Benjamin, The Taco Bell Ghost
TVD 3x7 | It's a ghost world baby! There’s a haunted JCPenneys. Jeremy’s himbo card gets revoked. Sheila Bennett is back! Ghost! World! New episodes on Tuesdays and Fridays! Follow us on twitter @AfterbitePod
July 10, 2020
28. A Very Sexual Marshmallow
TVD 3x6 | We make our own alignment charts! Copyright’s gonna get us. Brian just stays things! Bee loves a good puzzle. We don’t really talk about the episode? Or do we? You’ll never know unless you listen! New episodes every Thursday and Friday! Follow us on twitter: @AfterbitePod
July 08, 2020
27. The Vicki Donovan Memorial Pool
TVD 3x5 | Klaus blesses us with his American accent again. Matt drowns in the Vicki Donovan Memorial Pool. Jeremy's a ghostie boy! This one’s for the girls. New episodes every Tuesday and Friday! Follow us on twitter @AfterbitePod
July 03, 2020
26. CHILI! CHILI! CHILI!
TVD 3x4 | We talk an unfortunate amount about Chili. Bee’s a mime now! Damon and Elena are hip-bumpin besties! Bill Forbes is Megamind? The energy is big. The brain is small. New episodes every Tuesday and Friday! Follow us on twitter @AfterbitePod
June 30, 2020
25. A Prohibition Bad Boy!
TVD 3x3 | Trigger warning for conversion therapy. We had cocaine for breakfast! This episode was brought to you by prohibition, tax evasion, and an IRS agent with a GUN. Damon’s committing jean crimes. Nobody ever apologized for this and it's sorta really screwed up. New episodes every Tuesday and Friday! Follow us on twitter @AfterbitePod
June 26, 2020
24. IS JULIE PLEC SHAKESPEARE?!? (NOT CLICKBAIT)
TVD 3x2 | We’re bringing in funky fresh new Tuesday energy! Elena is a train conductor. We talk a surprising amount of Shakespeare! Matt Donovan is a sugar baby? Yeehaw! New episode every Friday! Follow us on twitter @AfterbitePod
June 24, 2020
23. Spooky Stefan
TVD 3x1 | It’s season 3 and we’re back! We're green now! Stefan is very spooky but still sweet? Klaus has a yeehaw accent! Bee fully cries. Brian’s trying his best. Jourdann is gonna say fuck! New episodes every Friday! Follow us on twitter: @AfterbitePod
June 20, 2020
22.5 Ranking Season Two
We did the math, we crunched the numbers, we said Some Shit. This is the definitive ranking of season two of the vampire diaries. Follow us on twitter @AfterbitePod. Donate to your local bail fund here: https://bailfunds.github.io/
June 06, 2020
22. It's... a lot
TVD 2x21 & 2x22 | Black Lives Matter. Today. Tomorrow. Every day after that. Donate. Protest. Stand up. Black-led LGBTQ organizations: https://www.snap4freedom.org/ https://blackaids.org/ https://www.lgbtqfund.org/ https://www.transjusticefundingproject.org/ https://www.bravespacealliance.org/ Find your local bail fund here: https://bailfunds.github.io/ This episode contains some mentions of suicide.
June 06, 2020
21. Elijah's Bad Wig Day!
TVD 2x19 & 2x20 | Why and where and no? Joseph Morgan is finally here! Elijah and Elena play Let’s Make A Deal. Damon is problematic. The gang really needs to invest in a calendar. Carol Lockwood gets yeeted. Brian is gonna steal your baguette! New episodes every Friday! Follow us on twitter @AfterbitePod
May 29, 2020
20. A Crime Free Zone!
TVD 2x17 & 2x18 | Jenna starts the episode in pain and it does not get better from there. We say a big fuck you to John Gilbert. Call your mom! Brian’s admitting to crimes. Bee gets robbed by her boobs. Elena gets a house! New episodes every Friday! Follow us on twitter: @AfterbitePod
May 22, 2020
19. Elena 3:16
TVD 2x15 & 2x16 | We unleash plagues upon this land! There are murderous intentions. Elena makes a power play! Elijah gets toasty. This one has a bleep. We’re sorry. We’re actually not sorry. New episode every Friday! Follow us on twitter: @AfterbitePod
May 16, 2020
18. Walmart Brand Terminator
TVD 2x13 & 2x14 | We as a podcast can vote! Stefan goes off his shits with his respect women juice! Generic Terminator is here and he’s obnoxious. Fuck John Gilbert! Tyler doesn’t usually do drugs. Damon thinks he’s an anime protagonist. Caroline Forbes said Bi Rights! The werewolves are really into BDSM. New episodes every Friday! Follow us on Twitter: @AfterbitePod
May 01, 2020
17. Damon's AAA Roadside Assistance
TVD 2x11 & 2x12 | We visit the Mystic Falls hardware store! This is a Horny Free Zone! The Martins drink some good good plot juice. Elijah plays Let’s Make A Deal! Damon might’ve kidnapped the Property Brothers. Bee’s yelling a lot this week and we’re sorry. Jules causes problems on purpose! Werewolves are just dogs y’all. New episodes every Friday! Follow us on twitter: @AfterbitePod
April 24, 2020
16. Remember The Patriarchy?
TVD 2x9 & 2x10 | Elijah causes chaos with coinage. Bee’s very sorry for the ‘plosive p’s in this episode. Katherine relives her past traumas. Caroline helps plan a werewolf party! Elijah’s a special boy. Murders occur! New episodes every Friday! Follow us on twitter: @AfterbitePod
April 18, 2020
15. Fire! Pirate! Guy!
TVD 2x7 & 2x8 | Alaric Saltzman probably has a doomsday bunker. Bonnie vibe checks the town of Mystic Falls and DOES NOT LIKE WHAT SHE FEELS. Bee’s way too into the fire pirate guy and his entire aesthetic. Katherine is a toddler trying to stick a fork in an electrical outlet. Stefan’s playing detective! Jourdann has her heart broken over Lucy Bennett. New episodes every Friday! Follow us on twitter @Afterbite !
April 11, 2020
14. The Finger Guns Were Implied
TVD 2x5 & 2x6 | Brian is here with airpods and coconut head vibes. We love a good Macguffin! Nina Dobrev deserves a raise. Stefan’s eyebrows are out of CONTROL. Jenna do be out here knowing things. We purchased some Bennett Witch Flextape! Mason Lockwood’s on the run from the IRS. Damon Salvatore doesn’t know the alphabet works. New episodes every Friday! Follow us on twitter @AfterbitePod
April 03, 2020
13. Stefan Salvatore's Mickey Mouse Hands
TVD 2x3 & 2x4 | The gang’s in lockdown so things are gonna get a little weird. Brian’s back and his train of thought has left the station and we can't stop it oh no watch out! Damon has a really clever reference and Bee is personally mad about it. Nina Dobrev is getting too powerful, she must be stopped. This episode was brought to you by the CRUSHED ICE GANG. New episodes every Friday! Follow us on twitter: @AfterbitePod
March 27, 2020
12. This Podcast Ships Jyler
TVD 2x01 & 2x02 | The gang is back on the road again! Bonnie makes a BIG Boo Boo. Stefan plays a wicked game of UNO. Jeremy has a license to kill. Caroline’s in a power stance. You just can’t organize bloodlust into color coded file folders. New episodes every Friday! Follow us on twitter: @AfterbitePod
March 20, 2020
11. The LaCroix of Season Finale Spectaculars
TVD 1x21 & 1x22 | Layne Morgan is here! This episode includes: my dad’s gaydar, stationary marching bands, LaCroix, extremely Iowa bullshit, Jared from fourth period, white men named John. Follow us on twitter! @AfterbitePod
February 21, 2020
10. Party! Boy! Stefan!
TVD 1x19 & 1x20 | If both Salvatore brothers are emo at the same time it actually causes a rip in the space time continuum and the vampire diaries as we know it would cease to exist. It’s a little known but very true fact. Spencer Locke is here and we MUST mention her by name otherwise she becomes too powerful. The public school education of Mystic Falls leaves much to be desired. Bee bets her shoes. New episodes every Friday! Follow us on twitter: @AfterbitePod
February 14, 2020
9. Brick by Boring Brick by Paramore
TVD 1x17 & 1x18 | Damon is an unruly cat. The vampires make a group shopping trip! Bee shouldn’t go to Walmart. Brick by Boring Brick by Paramore is here in its entirety. We rank milfs! Follow us on twitter: @AfterbitePod
February 09, 2020
8. Tea Time with Dracula!
TVD 1x15 & 1x16 | Damon drags himself. Brian is the new grim reaper. Matt Donovan is safe for work. Bee’s jumping on and off trains. Jeremy binged it. Jokes! Follow us on twitter: @AfterbitePod
February 01, 2020
7. S M U T T Y
TVD 1x13 & 1x14 | There’s gender inequality in the grave robbing industry and that needs to change. Give us more female grave robbers, cowards! If you’re a vampire biologist please hit us up. #DamonSalvatoreIsOverParty Professor Bee explains magic in a way that makes sense, we promise! Follow us on twitter: @AfterbitePod
January 25, 2020
6. Elena Gilbert's Vampire Hunter Crossfit Program
TVD 1x11 & 1x12 | Our eternal crusade against the netflix description writer continues. Elena makes some power moves. We have some serious concerns about Jenna’s parenting techniques. Stefan’s etsy shop is really taking off. Follow us on twitter: @AfterbitePod
January 18, 2020
TVD 1x9 & 1x10 | Bonnie’s got a case of the heebie jeebies. Alaric is entering the x-games. Julie Plec is our mom now! Bee teaches Jourdann about yeehaw history. Mayor Lockwood probably punched a baby. We deep dive into internet history and it’s,,, well it’s 2009 folks. Follow us on twitter: @AfterbitePod
January 10, 2020
4. The Gays of the Round Table
TVD 1x7 & 1x8 | Vickie meets an unfortunate end. Stefan has a birthday! Tyler is a muscle wizard. Our parents are getting a divorce. Brian gives out some points. Julie Plec owes me $15. Follow us on twitter: @AfterbitePod
January 04, 2020
3. The Vicki Donovan Struggle Bus Express
TVD 1x5 & 1x6 | Damon spends some time in vampire jail. Stefan’s greatest enemy is finally unveiled. Vicki is dead to us, then undead to us, then driving a bus like she’s Keanu Reeves in the 1994 classic action film Speed. Bee starts a promising career in asmr. Follow us on twitter: @AfterbitePod
December 22, 2019
2. Brain Coins
TVD 1x3 & 1x4 | Trigger warning: mentions of sexual assault. Stefan earns some smart boy brain coins! If you can’t get any brain coins from the world's worst history class, feel free to come down to Bee’s Trivial Pursuit masterclass and we’ll teach you a thing or two. Jourdann receives some devastating news re: Damon’s smirk and Damon’s…. well everything. Bonnie vibe checks Stefan. Ed Sheeran is here for some inexplicable reason.
December 13, 2019
1. Extremely Depressed Teens!
TVD 1x1 & 1x2 | Bee and Jourdann take their first small steps into the dramatic world of The Vampire Diaries this week! Jourdann watches too much TikTok. Bee's starting a vampire Olympics. Jeremy Gilbert's hair MIGHT be an actual hedgehog. New episodes come out every Friday! Follow us on Twitter: @AfterbitePod
December 06, 2019
Welcome to Afterbite!
Welcome to Afterbite, a new vampire diaries universe fancast that's only 10 years late! Follow us on twitter: @AfterbitePod This week we just have this fun promo for you, but weekly full episodes will be starting soon!
November 23, 2019