Reframing Chronic Illness
By Alana Holloway
So much time spent living with chronic illness revolves around fixing, controlling, managing and reversing.
But what if you saw it as an invitation to grow, develop, and move forwards? One that allows you to tap into your body’s innate ability to deeply heal and flourish.
I’m Alana Holloway; Chronic Illness Coach to humans who want to live life in a way that honours both their health and their dreams.
Reframing Chronic IllnessJul 21, 2022
Is There Such a Thing as Chronic Illness : Life Balance? - [listener write-in] | 32
Do you want to honour your chronic illness but as a background element in your life, rather than living with it the foreground?
This week's listener write-in episode explores:
- The concept of balance between life:chronic illness, whether it exists and how we can reframe it to be more conducive to health & happiness,
- How the way you feel about your chronic illness will be reflected in other areas of your life, such as friendships and family-ships,
- Getting curious about what your chronic illness is asking of you,
- Your chronic illness is not something to hide and be ashamed of.
Links:
Click here to find out more about working with me 1:1
Click here to find out more about joining Your Chronic Illness Ally
Click here to subscribe to my Reframing Chronic Illness newsletter
Episode highlights:
- There aren’t really any quantifiable milestones that everyone can relate or aspire to in terms of balance (a. because everybody’s idea of balance is different and b. because its’ a moveable thing), so maybe we move the goalposts?
- Aim for being OK with wherever that balance point lies. To feel safe and grounded, and at home within your body and life. To not abandon yourself.
- Where does the desire for your illness to be in the background is coming from. What’s your why? Your motivation?
- Think about what your life looks like as your illness moves through different phases and cycles, and ask yourself how you can bring that safety and sense of home that I talked about earlier, into each of those phases. How can you honour not only your chronic illness, but more importantly yourself, throughout every phase?
- How do you want your chronic illness to feature in your life? Beyond whether it’s a background or foreground element, you get to decide how you relate to it.
- What is your chronic illness asking of you?
- Celebrate having really open, vulnerable, honest conversations with yourself and your close and supportive people.
- Focus on what your life get to look like moving forward, with the new level of information you have about how your body works, how your body needs to be supported, and how you want your life to look.
How to Work Through Chronic Illness Anxiety - [bonus] | 31
What is it actually like to live with chronic illness, and why does almost nobody prepare you for anything that you're likely to experience outside the main symptoms?
Living with chronic illness anxiety, or the feeling of being on edge over what might happen, is one such thing.
In this episode I talk about the toll that takes on your body, your life, and eventually the severity of how you experience your chronic illness. You've probably guessed it by now, but it doesn't have to be this way! Of course I don't leave you in the lurch - I also discuss my three pronged process to help you work through any part of the chronic illness experience that might not be the best.
I'm not suggesting that all the 'unspoken' information is given at at once - that would be the most daunting thing ever. But there has to be a space where this stuff is discussed in peer groups, with guidance, boundaries and mutual respect.
Knowledge and information = choices. It's why Your Chronic Illness Ally exists!
We need to revolutionise the way chronic illness is viewed, talked about and lived with... are you in?!
LINKS:
Click here to find out more about Your Chronic Illness Ally
Click here to find out more about working with me 1:1
Click here to subscribe to the Reframing Chronic Illness newsletter
EPISODE NOTES
2:10 - Navigating a relationship in which both of you live with chronic illness.
3:30 - ‘Surprise’ situations that can happen when living with chronic illness.
4:50 - The unknown of what life is actually like living with chronic illness
6:20 - How the ‘status quo’ of living with chronic illness places a heavy load on the nervous system.
8:00 - How do we decondition from this status quo?
9:20 - Why having the information around how chronic illness actually shows up in your life, how it's actually experienced, is SO KEY to learning how to support yourself and your body.
10:00 - How my three pronged approach helps you work through this, helps you support yourself, and helps with that de-conditioning. Finding the things that help you swing out of chronically living within the sympathetic branch of your nervous system, and reconnect with the parasympathetic branch of your nervous system.
12:00 - How all of this makes your chronic illness your ally.
17:00 - Flares and symptoms as checkpoints and nudges.
18:50 - Revolutionising the way we view and live with chronic illness.
"How Can I Stay Positive About My Chronic Illness?" - [listener write-in] | 30
How do you stay positive about your chronic illness? Even on your worst days?
What are your thoughts on positivity, and how it affects the way you experience your chronic illness? Do you believe a positive mindset will bring you the joy, happiness, health and healing you're after?
In today's episode, I talk about why positivity isn't the thing we should all be aiming for, because positivity alone won't give you want you might believe it will.
So what do you call on, if positivity isn't all it's cracked up to be?
Listen on to find out.
Links:
Click here to send me your story for a future episode!
Click here to find out more about working with me 1:1
Click here to find out more about Your Chronic Illness Ally
Click here to sign up tp my newsletter
Points of reflection:
- Think about how you generally feel about your chronic illness, on the scale of positive, through neutral, to negative? What’s behind those feelings?
- Why do you feel you need to be positive about your illness at all? How do you think it will serve you, and where do you think the aim for positivity in this part of your life has come from?
- Staying positive isn’t the thing that allows progression, growth and healing to become truths. Allowing yourself to experience and work through your full spectrum of feelings and emotions, in a held and supported way, is.
- If you find yourself resisting the full spectrum of your feelings, get curious about why. What support do you need, what do you need to give yourself, in order to feel comfortable about being uncomfortable?
- Lastly, a reframe. Move away from positivity as an anchor point or an aim and consider what peace has to offer you.
"How Can I Better Accept My Chronic Illness?" - [listener write-in] | 29
When you believe you accept your situation, when you believe you accept your chronic illness, but something doesn't quite click with it all, where do you go from there and what can you do to move the needle more towards acceptance?
Links:
Click here to join the waiting list for the "What Does Better Mean to You?" download.
Click here to find out more about Your Chronic Illness Ally
Click here to find out more about working with me 1:1
Click here to subscribe to my Reframing Chronic Illness newsletter
Episode highlights:
- What does acceptance mean to you? Acceptance doesn’t have to mean any one thing, but I do think that whatever your definition, it needs to allow you to feel free, held and supported.
- Acceptance needs to be somatically assimilated as well as cognitively understood. To understand where you’re at with this, connect with yourself and your body and ask the questions.
- Is your acceptance selective? And in contrast, is your rejection, or non-acceptance, selective? You can’t select what you reject.
- What you need to work on is the belief that you get to feel better now, with your chronic illness as it is. Not on the other side of anything, not then or when.
- What does ‘better’ actually mean to you/anyone listening? What would it look like in your life? Looking at your expectations of ‘better’ or ‘amazing’, can that include being able to stay with yourself - i.e. not abandon yourself - throughout all that comes your way in life.
- How can you invite that full variety of feelings into your lived experience and not segment them into ‘bad’ or ‘good’ camps, but see them all as equally valid?
- Life gets to be rich in many ways; not just in the ones you already know, or see as being the ‘typical human experience’.
What to Do When Waiting for a Diagnosis - [listener write-in] | 28
What do you do when you’re waiting for a diagnosis? How do you get on with your life - a life that now includes what you believe is chronic illness - when you’re waiting for answers, validation and reassurance?
In today’s episode, I’ll be answering that very question, submitted by a listener.
If you want to send me a question, your journey or experience, a call to be seen, heard and witnessed, you can do so here. I’ll be answering them for as long as it feels good!
Other links:
Click here if you're interested in working with me 1:1.
Click here to check out Your Chronic Illness Ally
Click here to subscribe to the Reframing Chronic Illness newsletter
Episode headlines/main points of reflection:
- Take some time to really tune into what you’re hoping to receive from a diagnosis. Do you have to wait for one to receive those things, or can you receive some of them elsewhere (from within, from community, from a coaching or therapeutic relationship?)
- What thoughts and feelings do you have towards the way your symptoms show up in your life? Do you notice any physical reactions either when they’re present, or when you think about them? This is gold and will give an insight into how you’re cognitively behaving towards your symptoms/chronic illness; i.e I’m want to honour and embrace and think I am most of the time, and how you’re somatically responding, which could be bracing, contracting, etc. which spells rejection, othering, etc..
- The way you think and believe is not always the same as the way you feel and act, even if you think you’re totally on board. Forget honouring it, how can you honour yourself? ‘It’ is a part of you. You know your body. You know the way you’re feeling. Better than anyone else.
- Deeply connecting with and having a dialogue with your whole self (which includes any symptoms you’re experiencing) is one of the most responsible things you can do.
- Would you do anything differently knowing it is CFS, or knowing it’s something else, if the symptoms remain the same?
- How would it look for you to remove the power from a diagnosis, altogether?
- And finally, because it bares repeating; do you want to be a part of that conversation as it’s happening right here, right now, or will you remain on the outskirts, only picking up on snippets here and there, because you’re tied to the idea of a diagnosis and what you believe that might bring you?
- Don’t allow non-diagnosis to lead to you on some level denying your reality.
![It Matters That You're Heard [Season 3 Welcome!] | 27](https://d3t3ozftmdmh3i.cloudfront.net/production/podcast_uploaded_nologo400/12089041/12089041-1614171146208-4f5ead15ab444.jpg)
It Matters That You're Heard [Season 3 Welcome!] | 27
Season 3 is here, and I want to hear from you!
Think of it as a blend between a q&a and an ‘agony aunt’ column, where you send me what’s going on for you and your chronic illness right now, and I offer reflections, shared experiences, guidance and a different perspective (as well as just being here to listen & witness).
The idea behind this pod-project is for you to feel the power of getting to talk about your experience as it is; to create a space where you’ll be witnessed, heard and understood; to receive the energy from a community of people get it; and in listening to others’ stories, to know you’re not alone.
It’s not just about having a question answered; it’s about allowing yourself to be seen and acknowledged, it’s about giving a voice to your hope and knowing that there’s another way to live with chronic illness, it’s about putting another log on the fire of your healing journey.
And whilst all of that is bloody wonderful, I also know it takes energy - the preciousness of which varies depending on where you’re at right now - and therefore time. So I’ve decided to remove the deadline and will be taking submissions thought the season.
Here’s the link if you want to send me something.
I invite you to take 5-10 minutes to yourself, with a blanket and cup of something delicious, and let the words that come, soothe you. I’ve created a form with some prompts to make it that bit easier.
It’s important that you’re heard. It’s important you acknowledge you’re worthy of the time it takes to share your experience.
This is going to be truly special.
OTHER LINKS:
With Becca McLeish : When Adversity Becomes the Way Forward (Season 2 finale!) | 26
If ever I’ve met a person so inspirational in their approach to creating a life they love against a backdrop that would challenge anyone’s resilience, Becca is she. A high school dropout and a late bloomer, Becca qualified in her late 40s and said reaching midlife was the point her life opened up as she tuned into her inner rebel and lived for her, when society would have had her believe it was the beginning of the downwards slope.
Becca, aka The Rebel Hypnotist, is a Cognitive Hypnotherapist and Positive Psychology Coach and if nothing else, she hopes she’s proof that you get to create a life you love; at any age and with any history. Becca helps her clients break the 'rules' and live life on their terms, by shifting their perspective on the things that are keeping them stuck. Reprogramming their limiting beliefs to a more supportive internal narrative and highlighting their values, strengths and abilities to move forward and create lasting change.
LINKS:
Becca's Instagram - @iambeccamcleish
MY LINKS:
Sign up to my Reframing Chronic Illness newsletter
EPISODE NOTES:
4:55 - About Becca, what rebellion means to her, how it shows up in her life and how she came to be The Rebel Hypnotist.
5:45 - Rebellion to Becca doesn’t mean being a troublemaker, it means doing the opposite of what everyone expects you to do.
7:00 - Mid-life being the start of rebellion, not the downward slope that's expected and portrayed by society!
8:45 - How you can change your thoughts and feelings when you have zero motivation to, by repurposing old feelings (genius)!
12:05 - Becca’s response to growing up witnessing loved ones ‘deep in it’ when the relationship between thoughts and reality didn’t serve them.
13:15 - How we can navigate 'manifestation fear'; aka being afraid to think ‘negative’ thoughts in case you undo all your ‘good work’.
17:05 - Values in action - knowing and embracing what makes you, you, and feeding into your values and what makes you feel good, as a tool to help you through tough times.
23:15 - Bringing breathwork to your toolbox and how it’s a fantastic practice for those living with chronic illness and inflammation. How that goes hand in hand with hypnotherapy.
28:45 - The potential to re-traumatise yourself when you’re repeatedly reliving the past, and how that can become your identity.
30:45 - Getting creative with rebellion.
34:45 - Dr Emoto's water experiment - vibrations and energy. Being able to notice and change your energy in the moment. Tuning in, exploring, investigating and working through feelings & emotions.
39:45 - The way we’re made to feel (&believe) about our feelings and using rebellion as an act of self-care in doing what’s best for us, not what’s expected of us.
46:00 - The obstacle is the way; adversity into advantage (book ref).
50:35 - Changing your perception and changing your sense of self-worth. Becca’s ‘top tips’. Ref work of Byron Katie.
52:30 - The life-changing impact of inner child work.
54:45 - Details about Becca’s new course: Brave.
With Reena Ruparelia : On Support, Love and Choosing Yourself | 25
When I first came across Reena on Instagram, I wasn’t ready to hear her message. Our chat was really grounding for me, it reminded me how hard it can be to hear the message of self-love, acceptance and compassion in the face of chronic illness, especially when we’re always being persuaded to believe in the opposite. It also confirmed how bloody powerful and transformative those things are, if we can get on board with them. Chatting with Reena was like connecting with an old friend. She’s a warm soul, and we totally get each other. She’s an inspiring and passionate Speaker, Mindfulness Guide and Skin Positivity Champion, and on a mission to show people it’s possible to transform their lives through radical acceptance and unconditional self-love. She’s the voice behind the Insta community @psoriasis_thoughts and has been featured in Women’s Health, Glamour, Teen Vogue, Dove Derma Series & more.
Links: Insta: @psoriasis_thoughts Website - reenarup.com
My Links: The Inner Healing Wisdom Experience
Episode Notes:
5:30 - Intro to Reena & @psoriasis_thoughts
6:40 Reena’s story - through denial, surrender, desperation & acceptance
16:30 - Healing in community - not doing it alone.
17:45 - Reena’s first experience of showing her skin in public and leaning on her community to help her through it. How she prepared fro such an event with ‘cushioning’.
19:00 - Being honest with yourself about why you choose to do - or not do - something. The changes experienced as a result of that honesty.
20:30 - The shift from wanting to hide away, to wanting to be seen & express oneself…who am I as a result of that? What in my life does that open up?
25:00 - Challenging your assumptions of others thoughts about you & challenging your own thoughts about yourself.
27:45 - The habit of excusing yourself & what that says about how you feel about yourself.
29:00 - How lack of love, compassion & acceptance cause you to pull back on life ‘because of your chronic illness’, when really your chronic illness isn’t the thing getting in the way.
29:30 - Pinning everything on becoming ‘healed’ & the freedom that comes when you take that option off the table.
31:00 - The process of moving from feeling betrayed by your body to hearing & understanding the conversation it’s having with you.
32.50 - The shift from being treatment free to having treatment - why Reena made that decision and what it’s done for her.
36:40 - Mindful conversation, sweet language and talking to yourself with compassion.
39:50 - With the cards you’ve been dealt, how do you show up in the best way possible for yourself?
39:30 - Reframing the same experience to mean to completely different things. How you can go from feeling victimised to empowered. The power of a change in perspective.
42:00 - Acceptance & complacency are not the same thing. Life goal: to be satisfied, content, happy, at peace and to inhabit ones life as it is.
43:30 - Approaching life & health with a curious and expansive mind.
51:00 - Cancelling, expectations, validation, acceptance, rejection & choosing yourself.
55:00 - The people you choose to have in your life & only being able to give what you first give to yourself (understanding, compassion, acceptance).
59:30 - Making yourself a priority & how you communicate that.
60:00 - The discovery of self through chronic illness, the lessons learned through choosing yourself.
01:04:00 - Finding the right exercise for auto-immune conditions & chronic illness.
01:09:00 - The development of chronic illness & the effect on how you present yourself to ‘make up for it’.
With Lesley Asare : the Body Guides, the Body Navigates | 24
Lesley Asare is a British Ghanaian Artist, Somatic Coach, Mentor and Tamalpa Teacher Training Graduate based in Milton Keynes, UK.
She creates solo and collaborative work and wholeheartedly believes in the healing power of the creative process. Her work explores identity, personal histories and the experiences of Black People.
Through her work and through the spaces she holds she aims to create the space for play, stillness, self-reflection, self-discovery, empowerment, transformation and healing.
Lesley’s beautiful description of how we can approach the journey of self discovery and exploration is an example of how we can move through the healing journey from many different angles, not always needing to do something with the learnings but feeling comfortable with simply being able to sit with the wisdom of our bodies. It’s such a comforting episode, like a big warm hug. Lesley’s story about ancestral and familial wisdom, and how her exploration of her body inspired change… it brought a tear to my eye! Towards the end of the episode, you’ll also be able to join in on a short and sweet guided mindfulness practice that Lesley dropped in!
There was unfortunately a bit of a connection glitch and at times, the sound goes a bit funny. But you can understand everything that’s said and what Lesley has to offer in this episode makes the glitch fade into the background!
LINKS:
MY LINKS:
The Magic of Chronic Illness Informed Planning & co-planning session
Episode notes:
07:06 - Lesley’s journey through creativity and the arts into somatic movement, Body Arcana & using art as a tool for healing.
11:33 - Tamalpa - what it is and how it works
14:20 - What is somatic movement, and how Lesley relates to it in her work.
16:08 - life art process. What we explore creatively can be used as transformational tools in our life.
20:50 - Do people find there’s a block in being able to express themselves creatively?
23:15 - On working through the fear of finding out what’s held within our bodies.
27:30 - The structure of society and our lives, making everything about what you have to show for things rather than the experience that took you there.
29:15 - Do we over-identify with the journey we’re on?
34:15 - The Body Remembers - what it is and what it means.
39:50 - Ancestral trauma and wisdom and how that can play out in our lives.
45:15 - Lesley’s story about ancestral and familial wisdom, and how her exploration of her body inspired change… it brought a tear to my eye!
50:15 - A short and sweet guided mindfulness practice that Lesley dropped in!
54:35 - The more we’re able to anchor ourselves in our inner eden, the more tangible it becomes in our imagination, and the more we’re able to take that out into the world.
55:15 - Growth from love and compassion.
58:15 - We are evolutionary beings, here to learn a particular lesson at a particular time. We never need to be the ‘finished product’!
How Can I Embrace the Journey of Life with Chronic Illness? | 23
When you live with chronic illness, the desire to heal makes sense. Of course it does! But in today’s mainstream society - where we’ve been tricked into believing we’re broken, less than and need fixing - healing has become a goal; a result we need to achieve in order to become worthy humans.
The experience of healing has been lost, and for so many, the experience of life along with it.
Your Chronic Illness Ally is a chance to take back the experience of healing, and the experience of living, without feeling like you’re letting go of results, feeling better and becoming healthier.
In guiding and supporting you as you rebuild and reconnect to yourSelf, it shows you how you can have both experience and results. It helps you believe, once again, that you are already worthy of that.
What is Your Chronic Illness Asking of You? | 22
What started with symptoms of my chronic illness - the need to scratch an itch, both literally and metaphorically - has become about so much more than my chronic illness in isolation. It’s become about my chronic illness encouraging and guiding me to strengthen the fibres of my being. To sculpt a more peaceful, grounded, fulfilling existence. To create life conditions that will support me in continuing to show up in the world in the way I want to.
What are the symptoms of your chronic illness asking of you?
Psssst…The early bird offer ends tonight at 9pm. If you sign up to Your Chronic Illness Ally today, you’ll receive a bonus week; Week 13 - Alignment, which is all about helping you put your discoveries, learnings and realisations into practice in real time.
You can feel better without changing a thing about your chronic illness... let me explain! | 21
We’re conditioned to believe that in order to feel good about ourselves and our lives, in order to be truly happy, we need to completely free of chronic illness.
Is that not the most backwards sentiment ever?
Although it goes against everything we see, hear and believe to be true, I want you to know three things;
1. You do not need to wait until your chronic illness is in remission, or even only mildly active, to start feeling good about yourself and your life.
2. In actual fact, approaching it from the reverse angle - whereby you prioritise working on feeling good about yourself and living fully (acknowledging all the things that go into that) - will soothe your chronic illness.
3. The absence of chronic illness is not the thing that will make you feel good, happy, content, or even any healthier.I know you know that you can’t - and don’t want to - continue to put your life, happiness and joy on hold for when you feel better; whether that be the few days you get here and there, or the idea of longer term remission.
So, where do you go from here?
Your Chronic Illness *is* your Ally; are you open to believing it? [mini-series] | 20
I know how radical it is to think of chronic illness as a force for good in your life. I know it goes against what we’re constantly being told, shown and conditioned to believe.
I also know that the quest to feel better by doing only the things that address the physiological manifestation of your chronic illness, and supposed physiological root causes, is futile.
There’s a huge gap between this head-against-a-brick-wall version of what we’ve all been conditioned to see healing as - the kind that has you on a conveyor belt of trying one thing after another - and the kind of healing that results in you being able to rise to the fullness of your imagination.
8 months ago, I had the idea to create a programme that would help you move from equating chronic illness to you being broken and in need of fixing, to being able to see it as your ally and guide, and in this mini-series, I'm going to be telling you all about it and how it can support you.
Fear of The Flare : Your Chronic Illness Ally Limited Mini-Series | 19
YOUR CHRONIC ILLNESS ALLY Limited MINI SERIES
So much of the time spent living with chronic illness is spent in fear - actually, I once read (can’t remember where, sorry!) that living with chronic illness means you’re living in a constant state of fight or flight; your nervous system is constantly in a sympathetic state. Whilst I don’t know how scientifically accurate that is, it was certainly true for me.
As we approached winter last year, and I hadn’t experienced a flare in close to 10 months (I said 12 in the podcast, sorry, I miscalculated!). I became a bit apprehensive as to whether I would flare because historically, winter = prime flaring ground for me (atopic skin friends, hello!)
In this episode, I talk about the fact that yes, I am flaring (albeit mildly), but mainly about how the work I’ve been doing over the past 18months/two years has completely changed my experience of what flaring means, or shall we say doesn’t mean, and why staying in a place of fixing, abandoning and measuring ourselves up against the societal expectations of a human being (which are a load of tosh!) means that we will always be controlled by chronic illness.
LINKS:
With Leah Sian Davies : Inner Safety as a Foundation of Healing | 18
If we considered that, before approaching any kind of healing practice or regimen, that we first needed to feel deeply safe within our bodies, how do you think that would change the landscape of the healing, wellness and self-development worlds? Would the focus change? Would all the quick fixes and magic cures no longer be a thing? Would the common belief that chronic illness = broken and needs fixing be thrown out completely (I’m already campaigning for that to happen!!) What else would that foundational need for safety lead to? We discuss all - or most - of that in this episode!
Leah is an accredited somatic life coach. She prefers dogs to humans, and lives with her two favourite creatures - Rich (her human partner) and their chocolate Labrador Quincy, in Cardiff.
Leah's work is about creating experiences that bring people's minds, hearts and bodies into the here and now so that they can enjoy a full-bodied life.
She likes to work with quietly brave folk, who have been incredibly resilient, and now they know it's their time to shine.
LEAH’S LINKS
Website : www.leahsiandavies.co.uk
MY LINKS
Your Chronic Illness Ally - be added to the interest list
Subscribe to my newsletter - Reframing Chronic Illness
EPISODE NOTES
4:53 - Leah’s ‘flair’ to add humour and lightness as a way of connecting with, normalising and working through tough situations
11:00 - Why experiencing joy can be harder than we expect.
16:00 - Finding joy in the simple stuff.
18:00 - Joy as a nervous system regulator.
19:14 - Somatic coaching. What is it and why is it so beneficial?
23:07 - “Safety is the foundation of everything. We’re not going to be able to heal or change anything unless we feel safe on a biological level.”
27:00 - Tapping into your inner healing wisdom and you being the only expert on yourself and your body… sometimes we need help in bringing that information to the surface.
27:50 - Best self vs. whole self. In a world of ‘becoming your best self’, is self-acceptance being pushed to the side?
30:23 - The common disconnect from our bodies and what we lose in the process of disconnection.
35:03 - Allowing yourself to shine after resilience. Allowing the ease, joy and playfulness to come into your life.
41:50 - Anxiety and struggle as a distraction from feeling your feelings…do we sometimes seek it?
43:14 - What’s underneath our ‘headline’ experiences? What is beneath anxiety?
45:04 - Hiding our ‘less acceptable’ emotions and feeling as if we always have to present as coping, or positive.
With Tati Skomski : Is your chronic illness holding you back, or is it the fear of giving up the fight? | 17
It’s no secret that I choose to embrace my chronic illness as my ally and superpower, rather than think of it as something I need to fight, and this is where Tati and I meet minds. The way we approach life when we allow ourselves to work with our chronic illness rather than against it, is the difference between freedom and empowerment, and restriction and control. Tati is a chronic illness business coach and mentor who specialises in helping chronic illness CEOs build 6 figure+ online businesses without sacrificing their health. As someone who has built a multiple six-figure business and lives with chronic illness herself, she believes that your chronic illness can be seen as your superpower inside of your business and life. Now, whilst the talk of making six-figures may not be you jam, I think it’s so important to share that part of Tati’s story. When living with chronic illness, it’s easy to think that your life will be limited and that you won’t be able to reach the heights that people who don’t live with chronic illness, can. Tati is proof that that just isn’t true, and I love that she’s a living, breathing, healthy example of the kind of life you can create when you create your own narrative around how you want to live with your chronic illness.
TATI’S LINKS
Instagram - @thetatiskomski
MY LINKS
Reframing Chronic Illness Newsletter
EPISODE NOTES
5:50 - Our shared philosophy around how our chronic illness can be our superpower by working with them, not against.
7:43 - Tati’s journey to becoming a chronic illness business coach
18:15 - the difference in being called to self-employment by your chronic illness, and being forced to become self-employed because of your chronic illness
18:51 - The change in mindset of pushing through your chroinc illness to not pushing through, and the short/long term impact of the ‘push mentality’
19:32 - Being mindful not to repeat working patterns from ‘employed’ work when you’re self-employed, and prioritising your health
26:53 - The foundations of running a business when you have a chronic illness (and for anyone else!) needs to be fundamentally taking care of your health.
28:17 - Are we - as people who live with chronic illness - at a higher risk of falling into hustle mode because we feel like we have something to prove? …The importance of rewiring our brains away from that way of thinking.
33:30 - The self-fulfilling prophecy/validation of unhealthy narrative towards your chronic illness.
34:45 - Don’t let thinking you’re not ‘normal’ be the thing that stops you accepting who you are and what your unique makeup is. Normal doesn’t exist!
37:55 - The design of social media and how it can remove us from our truth.
40:58 - Feeling confident in telling your story.
42:15 - Finding yourself after diagnosis
47:45 - Having a choice over how we view our chronic illness.
52:15 - Giving up the fight against your chronic illness to regain your energy, power and life.
55:15 - It’s not your chronic illness that’s holding you back, it’s the fear of giving up the fight.
58:01 - How Tati views her chronic illness as her superpower
With Sophie Carefull : The Importance of Self-Compassion in Growth and Healing | 16
Self-compassion isn’t the first thing that comes to mind when you consider living or working in a way that questions the status quo, and yet throughout this conversation, Sophie and I kept coming back to that very idea. More and more, we’re being given examples that living by what’s already been written, might not actually be the best way for us. But how often do we consider that compassion towards ourselves is the missing piece in making our new, experimental and against the grain lifestyles work?
Sophie is a trained life coach who helps kindhearted, creative humans believe in themselves so they can live the life they truly want. She also runs a successful personal branding photography business, alongside mentoring fellow photographers to build a business that works for them. She splits her year between her two passions and it totally fascinates and inspires me, watching her make this unconventional business model a complete success.
Oh, and listen out for the little hello from her sweet rescue dog!
SOPHIE'S LINKS:
Website - sophiecarefull.co.uk
Instagram - coaching page - photography page
MY LINKS:
EPISODE NOTES:
5:00 - How Sophie schedules her working year in a way that works for her and connects with the seasons, but goes against the status-quo.
11:05 - Empathy and chronic illness, and how we can take inspiration from Sophie’s way of working and apply it to life in general.
14:45 - Listening to your body and taking action.
17:15 - Models of possibility.
18:07 - Identifying the voice of your inner critic and actively seeking examples that positively reinforce your true beliefs.
19:42 - “We don’t know the full story of what everyone else is doing…” - Questioning the beliefs that support you not going for what you want.
20:58 - Sharing your story creates space for others to feel more comfortable in living their reality, or the reality they’d like to be living, and showing what’s possible.
21:26 - Sense of self and self-belief - a long term project!
22:00 - The problem with the phrase ‘unshakeable confidence’.
23:20 - The evolution of identity and past identities pulling you back to somewhere you’ve outgrown.
25:30 - Giving yourself enough credit for what you’re already doing.
26:25 - The importance of compassion in growth and self-development.
29:47 - Risk taking in building confidence.
33:30 - Laying the foundation and preparing your brain to try something different.
35:30 - Knowledge and understanding paving the way for compassion. Knowing yourself well enough to know when you’re being empowered by that knowledge, and when you’re using it as a crutch.
42:49 - Unlearning conditioning.
43:00 - You can’t do self compassion ‘wrong’.
45:20 - How our needs, abilities and preferences change with the seasons.
47:40 - Creating the conditions that allow you to question the status-quo that isn’t working for you.
With Kathryn Ho : Depression Doesn't Need to be Fixed | 15
Kathryn is a life coach who helps over-thinkers, self-critics, and deeply thoughtful humans to let go of self-judgement without bypassing their feelings or current reality, and helps them to live life more on their own terms.
I met Kathryn in a group coaching programme and was drawn to how comfortable she seemed with sitting in discomfort… I watched as she took the space and time she needed and - something I still struggle with even though I’ve been working on for what feels like forever! - didn’t feel compelled to fill space with words! It came as no surprise, then, when she told me she’s all about sitting in discomfort, and that there’s no need for ‘positive thinking’ when you’re around her. How refreshing is that!
KATHRYN’S LINKS
OTHER LINKS
Depression as an adaptive response: The Depths: The Evolutionary Origins of the Depression Epidemic, by Jonathan Rottenberg
Terror Mangement Theory (Managing Death Anxiety):The Worm at the Core: On the Role of Death in Life, by Sheldon Solomon, Jeff Greenberg, Tom Pyszczynski
Water turns to steam:Start Where You Are: A Guide to Compassionate Living, by Pema Chödrön
That culture is the air we breathe: Untamed, by Glennon Doyle
Holding our fears behind our back: Already Free: Buddhism Meets Psychotherapy on the Path of Liberation, by Bruce Tift
Your early thirties as a period of settling + community finding: Transitions: Making Sense of Life's Changes by William Bridges
EPISODE NOTES
4:32 - Getting comfortable with discomfort
5:51 - Journey with depression - value, curiosity and lessons
7:39 - Depression as a biological and adaptive response. Book ref, The Depths by Jonathan Rotenburg. What does depression tell us?
9:44 - How depression goes against the grain of societal expectations of a human, and the result of that.
12:21 - Personal significance, belonging/not belonging, feeling special.
14:44 - Terror management theory - humans are the only beings who are aware of their own death, and how we manage that by living beyond ourselves through culture, society and the greater good.
19:32 - Navigating significance, purpose, community, connection and contribution in the face of depression, disconnection, existentialism, removal of cultural meaning.
23:17 - Not fighting; taking a moment to experience, sit in discomfort and learn from your experience. Making sense and exploring the ‘why’. Finding comfort in the knowledge that your experience is a totally understandable and natural response.
23:59 - The cost/benefit of adaptive responses in different/changing environments.
31:23 - The anti-climax that comes from expecting there to be ‘a moment’ “when water turns into steam” and how healing has evolved to mean almost nothing about the direct symptoms of my chronic illness.
34:31 - Do we substitute the word ‘healed’ for ‘perfect’. Healing doesn’t = a lack or an absence. It’s a deepening understanding of yourself, how you want to be and ultimately, living.
40:22 - communication, understanding, meaning
42:38 - Communicating a ‘non-mainstream’ way of living with your chronic illness with those around you, feeling shame around your chronic illness, and not piling shame upon shame.
49:24 - Depression as an amplifier and playing with integration.
With Sarah Baxter : on Inviting Curiosity and Play to the Healing Process | 14
The relationship between trauma, PTSD and chronic illness is one that lives in a cycle. Whilst many who have experienced trauma/who experience PTSD will also go on to develop chronic illness, the very living with a chronic illness can be traumatic. It’s an aspect that’s perhaps not very well acknowledged, and therefore not addressed and often I see the two existing in a bit of a feedback loop.
Sarah and I met around 10 years ago, when we both worked at a design company. Throughout the years, we’ve kept in touch and, thanks to the power of the internet, I’ve watched, fascinated, as she works through, understands and processes her C-PTSD using her skills as a designer and artist to support her. She’s now in a place where she can approach what once felt too much, with curiosity, and is open to discovering what her findings are here to show or teach her. She’s recently been experimenting with her dreams, and talks about how she’s doing it in some really cool ways.
SARAH’S LINKS:
The Bungaloo Instagram
OTHER LINKS:
Carl Jung - A Very Short Introduction by Anthony Stevens
MY LINKS:
EPISODE NOTES
4:26 - Receiving a C-PTSD ‘diagnosis’.
10:47 - Expressing & processing through creativity - understanding signals.
16:27 - Viewing C-PTSD with curiosity and seeing it as a superpower.
17:10 - The opportunity to use an external motivator/external accountability to process night terrors and create art from it, without the expectation of it being ‘good art’.
20:44 - Paying more attention to dreams as information. Using dream herbs to access deeper levels of the subconscious.
21:04 - Book ref; a short introduction to Carl Jung - analysing your dreams and checking in with yourself.
26:58 - Tree Carr, dream herbs and lucid dreaming.
33:57 - Approaching with curiosity, letting go of the sh*t and allowing yourself to be who you are.
38:07 - Being triggered and working through what follows.
36:01 - Bringing fun into the healing journey with herbal and floral cocktails.
With Sasha : on Perceived Weaknesses Being Superpowers and the Practice of Life | 13
Sasha and I both arrived at this recording with blankets on our knees, settling into the darker evening, and the Embers of the year (reference to Sasha’s Embers workshop).
We connect on many levels, which perhaps are rooted in making moves towards find our own way in life, using what would be perceived in mainstream society as disadvantages, as our superpowers.
Sasha has been sharing her words with us since 2020, and although she’s been writing is some form since the age of 8, she only started calling herself a writer last year - a rebellious act against her self-doubting nature. She's an avid journaler and lover of words, who wants to use them to challenge the negative narratives that women can have about themselves. She does this through what she calls #RemindHers. Little notes of thought dotted around the internet to remind women (including herself) of what has always been there: the core things within us that light us up and guide us towards the lives we want to live. The things that can be shrouded by responsibility, shoulds, engrained narratives and self-doubt.
SASHA’S LINKS:
Podcast: This is your #RemindHer
OTHER LINKS:
EPISODE NOTES:
5:54 - The fallout of living with a chronic illness and doing through self-doubt
9:52 - What happens when you decide ‘no more’?
13:02 - Working with outer accountability and intrinsic motivation
14:48 - Data and labels; how in one hand they can be limiting but also/sometimes helpful (reference Gretchen Rubin’s 4 tendencies). Using data/labels/information to work with yourself, not against yourself.
19:26 - Using a practice to remove yourself from the productivity of something
22:00 - Embracing all of what makes you, you, leading to freedom, joy, ‘success’, happiness and is HEALING!
31:12 - Why “permission slips” aren’t as helpful as intended
33:00 - Are you checking in with yourself to check the things you’re doing are the things you want to be doing, that align with you today?
37:04 - On being ‘ready’.
37:26 - Journalling throughout life and reflecting back
39:13 - On life being a practice, not a tick box exercise
What happens in the ‘after’ and not living life in the recesses of time
With Lucy Victoria Jackson : On Being 'Enough' | 12
With chronic illness comes a feeling of never being enough. Never showing up to your life ‘enough’, not being energetic ‘enough’ never giving anything ‘enough’ effort, never trying hard ‘enough’ to ‘heal’ (because surely, if you were, you’d be healed right?! What are you missing? What else should you be doing?!!)
The idea that we’re not enough, that we need fixing, that we’re somehow broken, keeps us bound to the chronic illness struggle.
How would things change for you if you started to believe that you are enough. That everything you need, you already have/are. What would you let go of? What would you stop chasing?
Lucy wears a few different hats. As I’ve mentioned, she’s a yoga teacher, but she’s also a meditation facilitator, retreat hostess and her most important hat of all; dog Mama to Elsie.
What ties all of these roles together is her love of creating space for people to B R E A T H & take a sweet moment to themselves. Her teaching style is non-dogmatic & playful (and I LOVE it!) Her motto is that life is often serious enough, so why not enjoy the precious time you take to yourself?
WHERE TO FIND LUCY
Instagram - @lucyvictoriajacksonyoga
Website - www.lucyvictoriajackson.com
OTHER LINKS
Here’s the link for the Jameela Jamil podcast episode Lucy talks about.
MY LINKS
Subscribe to my newsletter, Reframing Chronic Illness
Find out more about Planning to Heal
Visit my website to find out about working with me 1:1, my workshops and courses
--------
TW - discussion about self-harm and emotionally abusive relationship (26.47)
5:13 - Sitting in the present - sometimes with pain and discomfort - and being ‘enough' just as you are.
7:36 - Acceptance. Everything and everyone that tells you not to accept yourself, and that you need ‘more’ to be worthy.
08:34 - “Everything I need I already have”, and the unhappiness that comes with the opposite of that.
10:49 - Getting behind the ‘why?’
13:00 - How can you find happiness and acceptance when all the pain and rejecting and hatred [of yourself] is true?
14:42 - Where to go when that becomes really hard, and when the more ‘unhelpful’ thoughts take over.
16:35 - The role society has to play in us becoming unhappy with, or unaccepting of, ourselves, and how that can get in the way of healing. Or conversely, how going against these ‘ideals’ and going your own way can be conducive to healing
26:04 - Mental health, depression and anxiety. CBT and changing thought patterns.
26:47 - TW, discussion about self harm
28:07 - TW, discussion about emotionally abusive relationship
31:49 - End of TW
33:21 - Numbness, shutting down and self-preservation/protection.
34:55 - What Yoga means to Lucy and how the whole meaning of it has helped her on her journey.
38:25 - On defining Yoga for herself; the colonisation/cultural appropriation of Yoga
45:18 - Context, the performative nature of Yoga and healing, and how isolation of these things plays into a more (mainstream and western) ‘acceptable’ palette.
With Laura Leigh Chapman : On Connection, Communication & Embracing Your Whole Self | 11
Having open, honest, compassionate conversations with your closer and wider circles is something that many living with a chronic illness struggle with, for fear of being met with judgement, expectation and a lack of understanding about their lived experience.
Today I’m chatting to Laura Leigh Champman, a genius communications mentor about how to have these conversations in open, constructive ways. Plus some other wonderful things which you can read about in the show notes.
Trigger warning: contains a discussion about Laura's burns accident.
YOU CAN FIND LAURA HERE:
Click here to be taken to her website
@lauraleighchapman on Instagram
Her Clear and Confident Creatives Facebook group
OTHER LINKS
Subscribe to my newsletter, Reframing Chronic Illness
Find out more about Planning to Heal
Visit my website to find out about working with me 1:1, my workshops and courses
EPISODE NOTES:
2:43 - What is means to show up as your whole self.
3:49 - How that connects to living with a chronic illness.
5:06 - Connection and finding your right people to help you on a journey of acceptance and embracing who you are.
07:01 - Help and support when breaking free from the chronic illness struggle cycle.
08:52 - Reclaiming the word ‘fat’.
10:20 - Both losing and redefining the relationship you have with yourself.
11:23 - The power of finding people who are like you.
13:41 - TW, burns accident.
15:04 - Having open conversions and how to keep an evolving dialogue going.
19:29 - The important part of living with a chronic illness that is so ignored.
21:35 - What illness and medical facing systems can strip you of.
23:45 - Taking responsibility for the bigger picture.
25.21 - Reconnecting yourself with all the parts of you, and how your chronic illness can help you do that.
28:03 - Inner dialogue and the way you speak to yourself.
30:44 - The cost of suppressing parts of yourself.
31:57 - Not being a fan of hierarchy; human connection, one human to another. Collaboration over direction.
36:05 - Trying to heal according to someone else’s brief and tick-list.
38:51 - TV that helps you feel your feelings and Schitt’s Creek LOVE!
How Playing by the 'Rules' of Chronic Illness is Getting in the Way of Deeper Healing | 10
I'd love to open a conversation about this, so of there's anything that's resonated, or if there's anything you'd like to discuss further, I'd love to hear from you via any of the below;
Why I Created Flourish (this one gets personal!) | 9
In this episode, I talk about why I created my signature programme, Flourish, and why I believe this work is so life changing. And I don't use that term lightly.
I cover:
- The gradual shift that happens as you move through this work.
- Why we need to get really honest with ourselves about what it is we're actually working towards and hoping for.
- I also talk about something I've never admitted before, which I think will resonate with a fair few of you!
You can read more about Flouirsh, sign up, and ask me any questions you have here.
The Ripple Effect of Acceptance (and why acceptance is so often misunderstood) | 8
In this episode, I cover:
- Why acceptance is a practice and not a tick box exercise.
- Why it’s so often misunderstood and resisted (and why non-acceptance weirdly supports the “wellness industry” at large).
- Why it’s one of the best things you can do to support your healing journey.
- How acceptance of all that you are serves way more people than you alone.
I also talk about my imperfect journey with practicing acceptance and the surprising experience that led me to realise this is world changing stuff!
If you want to find out more about my new 1:1 coaching experience - designed to support you on your unique healing journey, and help you in honour and embracing your dreams, ambitions and desires, without condition or sacrifice - click here.
You can email me with your questions for my season finale Q&A episode at hello[at]alanaholloway.com.
If you want to get more involved in the conversation before my next episode comes out, you can subscribe to my newsletter here https://alanaholloway.com/newsletter
When 'Controlling & Managing' Your Chronic Illness Gets in the Way of Deeper Healing | 7
In this episode, I talk about how the common goal of ‘controlling and managing’ your health/illness/symptoms, goes from something you do to help yourself feel better, to something that gets in the way of deeper healing.
I cover:
- Why we get so wrapped up in following the rules that we forget to check in to see if they’re actually working for us.
- Why it becomes way more about how we perform the set of conditions we live by, rather than working towards our bigger goal.
- Why something that makes us feel good and safe in the beginning ends up making us feel confused, disconnected, and stressed (and how that can counteract anything you might be doing to help yourself).
- Why letting go of all control = being blindsided by another form of control (reverse control!)
- How to find a middle ground that works for you, and what it takes to make that change.
If you want to get more involved in the conversation before my next episode comes out, you can subscribe to my newsletter here https://alanaholloway.com/newsletter
Recognising Healing Overwhelm and Asking 'Why?' | 6
When everything is geared towards fixing and returning to what once was, it becomes incredibly easy to fall into the health overwhelm trap.
I discuss:
How health overwhelm and disconnection with the self exist in a self perpetuating cycle.
Why we always want to be asking the big and the small ‘why?’
Why living with a chronic illness or long term health condition is about much more than addressing the manifestation of those things.
Why it’s so important to embrace the change we experience.
I’ve opened up a couple of spots on my health overwhelm focussed 1:1 coaching programme, Flow, which helps you cut through the noise, detach from the ‘shoulds’, end your relationship with being a self-care magpie, so that you can build on living in a way that suits, serves and supports you and your health best. Find out more here alanaholloway.com/flow
You Are More Capable Than You Think, Feel & Believe | 5
In this episode I talk about:
- The unexpected – and bonus – side effects of living with a chronic illness.
- How it’s equipped me with certain skills and qualities that have helped me way beyond the realms of my health, and how this penny drop came about during lockdown!
- Why I'm making it my mission to change - or present another side of - the story.
P.S. Being more capable than you think is not to be confused with being capable of more than you think. They sound the same but aren’t! As in, this isn’t an episode about smashing it or pushing through!
I also share a little bit about my new programme, Nurture, which is all about connecting your whole self to a way of healing that suits and serves you best. You can read more about it here https://alanaholloway.com/nurture
If you want to get more involved in the conversation before my next episode comes out, you can subscribe to my newsletter here https://alanaholloway.com/newsletter
Much love, Alana x
Has Your Healing Become an Accidental Democracy? | 4
In this episode I discuss how (and why) the way we look after ourselves has become an exercise in crowd-sourcing, or an ‘accidental democracy’. I talk about how that's resulted in our health - or self - care reflecting on who we surround ourselves with (IRL or virtually) much more than it reflects on our unique needs, and what suits and serves us best. Of course, I also discuss what we can do about it!
At the end of the episode, I share a little bit about my new programme, Nurture, which is all about connecting your whole self to a way of healing that suits and serves you best. You can read more about it here alanaholloway.com/nurture
If you want to get more involved in the conversation before my next episode comes out, you ca subscribe to my newsletter here alanaholloway.com/newsletter
Much love,
Alana x
Limits, 'Self Sabotage' and Conscious Rebellion | 3
No matter how well you’ve designed your life to suit your needs, no matter how good it makes you feel, no matter how in alignment it is, it still comes with a feeling of being ‘on’ all the time. And we humans aren’t designed to be on all the time, in any way.
In this episode I talk about:
- Why I don’t agree with the perceived meaning behind the term self-sabotage.
- Why we need respite from even the best designed and most aligned healing protocols.
- What I do to consciously rebel!
If you’d like to discover more about reframing chronic illness before the next episode comes out, subscribe to my newsletter at alanaholloway.com/newsletter
Normalising the Abnormal | 2
What makes you different and how can you use your differences to your advantage to unlock a way of living that suits and serves you (and by default, those around you) best. Normalising a way of living that to most, would be considered 'abnormal', but that allows you to flourish is such an important piece of the puzzle when living - and choosing to thrive - with a chronic illness or long-term health condition.
I also invite you to a free workshop that I’ll be sharing next week, between 23-30 March 2021. It’s called Return to Self and in it, I’ll be discussing how you can cultivate a smoother flow of energy, celebrate rest and break free from a life ruled by dis-ease. You can sign up via my website, https://alanaholloway.com/return-to-self
Permission to Thrive | 1
Sign up to my weekly newsletter all about how harnessing the intelligence of chronic illness allows us to deeply heal and flourish alanaholloway.com/newsletter
Reframing Chronic Illness Pilot Episode!
In this pilot episode, I (Alana) introduce myself and talk a bit about what you can expect from the Reframing Chronic Illness podcast.
Be sure to subscribe for a weekly conversation all about the journey of harnessing the intelligence of chronic illness, and using it to help you heal, flourish and live your life in a way that feels good.
You can find me at alanaholloway.com. I’m not on Instagram so much these days, but you can connect with me by subscribing to my newsletter here.
Episode notes
I cover why I think it’s so important we change the conversation around chronic illness - and other long term health conditions.
I touch on:
- Why I think so much of what’s currently being discussed in the chronic illness space isn't helping us heal.
- How I believe those of us living with chronic illness (and other long term health conditions) are being given an invitation to live life - and achieve our dreams - on our own terms and in a way that feels good.
- Owning and celebrating not fitting into the mould that society has created for us, and using our differences to propel us forward in life.