1:00 – One of the most common problems we’ve been struggling with: What should we do with our lives?
3:15 – Cited an article on depression by Johann Hari on Guardian (https://www.theguardian.com/society/2018/jan/07/is-everything-you-think-you-know-about-depression-wrong-johann-hari-lost-connections)
4:40 – Vance’s recount of a meeting with his mentor, and a review of recent career decisions
7:40 – Sometimes we need to go through regrets to know what we really want in life
10:40 – Many of us are paralysed by our fear of “wasting time”, wanting to achieve certain things by a certain age
12:35 – If you keep looking at past undesirable decisions as “mistakes”, you won’t get past yourself to achieve what you want
14:50 – Could it be how so many young and “successful” people shape how we think about ourselves?
16:30 – Taking time to sit down to review and evaluate recent events can help in living a better life
19:15 – Episode wrap-up: If you don’t know what to do in your life right now, why not start by improving yourself bit by bit every day?
1:00 – Tim confessed his recent struggles of not exercising and posed the question: How do we build mental toughness?
3:30 – Vance thinks that physical fitness will strengthen our mental toughness because both mind and body are interconnected
4:10 – Mentioned the state of flow (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flow_(psychology))
5:50 – Even Vance, who has been exercising regularly and religiously, struggles and often think about just skipping a session
7:20 – How to sleep early and wake up early?
8:50 – Start with simple routines; think about the 5BX we have to do in army every morning that forces our bodies to get out of the comfort zone
10;30 – Tim has been trying intermittent fasting to increase productivity in the morning
12:45 – Following a schedule – could it be counterproductive?
15:30 – Tim made a bet with an accountability partner but both of them failed
17;10 – How to battle distractions and sleep early?
19;20 – Episode wrap-up
1:00 – Tim and Vance share some thoughts about new year resolutions
4:25 – New year resolutions tend to be too big and we seldom sit down and work out the steps to achieve them
6:10 – Try to integrate an execution plan into our daily schedule so we won’t have the chance to contemplate
11:30 – Vance thinks having an accountability partner can be quite effective in achieving something
12:45 – We’re human after all, we can’t be 100% every day, so any external help can make a huge difference
14:25 – Reiterate the two points: integrate the execution plan of your goal in your daily schedule, and try to get an accountability partner
16:50 – Discussion about Victor Frankl’s Man’s Search For Meaning (https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/4069.Man_s_Search_for_Meaning)
17:20 – “He who has a Why to live for can bear almost any How.” – Friedrich Nietzsche
1:00 – Tim sharing his reflections about his relationships with his two elder brothers
3:40 – Tim and Vance confess that they’re not very close to their siblings
5:30 – Feeling valued as the youngest in the family can mean a lot
6:00 – Tim dared to try many new things over the past few years and somehow influenced his eldest brother to do so
8:15 – Most of Tim’s decisions are heavily influenced by his eldest brother but not in a bad way; Tim also learned a lot about himself and is grateful
10:55 – Tim is not sure if he loves his current job but he’s gaining a lot and growing
16:00 – All kinds of relationships, especially kinships, it’s our duty to make the people around us feel appreciated
1:00 – Vance’s reflection on his past years of working and ask whether years of experience are always indicative of professional excellence
4:00 – The quality of the experience is a lot more important than the duration
8:10 – Vance’s worry about falling into the same trap – just accumulating “years of experience” and not making good use of the time
9:10 – It doesn’t matter how much time you spend in the office or job, it’s about the value you create
10:10 – “Comfort is the enemy of growth.”
12:00 – When we feel discomfort, just push a little more because that’s the point of improvement
13:45 – Tim looking back at how he got his current sales role – mentioning the value he created and not the years of experience was what left an impression
14:50 – Episode wrap-up
1:00 – Tim’s random thought: What are the common characteristics do people look for in friends?
5:00 – Hypocrites are drawn to genuine people
8:35 – Hypocrites usually know they are hypocrites but they still do it; mentioned Charles Chu’s article on lies (https://medium.com/the-polymath-project/the-fraudulence-paradox-david-foster-wallace-on-lies-loneliness-and-belonging-24dc9cc88282)
10:35 – What Vance thinks could be the reason why we don’t tell others our troubles
13:20 – Mentioned Zat Rana’s article on friendship (https://medium.com/personal-growth/aristotles-timeless-advice-on-what-real-friendship-is-and-why-it-matters-c0878418343f)
15;45 – Mid-twenties to late-twenties are the years we start to contemplate our friendships and relationships
18:00 – Fallen out with old friends because of differences and did things become better after that?
19:55 – Do females fall out with other females more often than males fall out with males?
24:15 – Males have simpler minds compared to females and males can overlook certain things
26:50 – Most of us like similar people and thus tend to interact more with people like us
28:20 – People change over time, whether it’s for the better or worse, and that’s why our social circle expand and shrink constantly
30:05 – Sometimes being hypocritical is necessary for some of us to get what we need in certain situations
32:00 – Episode wrap-up
1:00 – Happy 2018 and Vance’s reflections on being right; mentioned his film review of Wonder (2017), a film about a young boy with a face deformity
3:15 – “When given the choice between being right or being kind, choose kind.” – Dr Wayne Dyer
4:00 – It feels good to be right but sometimes, it feels better to be kind; being right might only make one person happy while being kind makes two people happy
7:15 – Businesses are increasingly operating on the value of being right instead of being kind to people
8:35 – Tim playing the devil’s advocate: You can’t keep being kind to others if you’re not kind to yourself or don’t have the ability to be kind
10:00 – When we’re in a position of privilege, being kind almost always doesn’t harm us
11:00 – Reminds Tim of one of his friends, who put in her all and feel unappreciated at the end; and Vance’s perspective: don’t allow a few unappreciative people affect your actions towards the appreciative people who deserve it
14:20 – We need to go out to see if the grass is indeed greener on the other side; Tim’s friend will have to eventually find out who deserves her kindness
17:35 – “Be the change that you want.” – A quote inspired by Mahatma Gandhi
20:00 – Gary Vaynerchuk always talk about leaving behind a legacy; it’s not about the material and tangible things you leave behind but the ideas you leave behind
24:15 – “Your heart is the map that shows where you’re going; your face is the map that shows where you’ve been.” – Another quote from Wonder; and episode wrap-up
1:00 – Merry Christmas and some of our thoughts about Christmas
4:00 – Tim’s anecdote: a reflection on a pseudo-matchmaking session; he can’t explain what kind of girl he’s interested in
6:30 – Vance’s perspective: a lot of our decisions in relationships are based on gut feelings
9:00 – Looking for specific characteristics versus looking for chemistry in a love interest
12:00 – Our perspectives on matchmaking and speed dating sessions
15:30 – Matchmaking sessions tend to have the pressure element, which might have an adverse effect on the whole experience
18:15 – Episode wrap-up
1:00 – Why Vance doesn’t want to work freelance just for money and lose time he can’t gain back
3:00 – Mentioned Dr Meg Jay’s The Defining Decade (https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/13523061-the-defining-decade)
5:00 – As long as you’re not sleeping on the streets, trade your time for experience first, then money
5:55 – Tim thinks he’s trading his time for just money; Vance begs to differ because Tim is taking on a sales role, which gives him a lot of valuable experience
7:10 – Tim’s short reflection and update on his current situation at the workplace
10:45 – Sales isn’t just about the ability to sell, there are more to it
11:50 – The context: If you’re working a side gig that doesn’t teach you much other than giving you cash for your time, you might be wasting opportunities. Ask yourself if the job can be replaced by a machine or bot
13:35 – Remember Gary Vaynerchuk’s advice about patience – it’s underrated in today’s world so putting in the patience gives you an edge
14:35 – Vance had to admit he was tempted by the money and why freelance jobs are good money on top of full-time jobs but the sacrifice can be costly; free time is very valuable to working adults
19:05 – Episode wrap-up; What are Timothy and Vance trading the time to produce Anecdotes for?
1:00 – Quick update: Vance is working in a new company now
2:35 – Tim realised that when his boss was on a short break, he and his colleagues are stepping up as leaders to help run things smoothly
5:55 – Tim is helping his newer colleagues and seeing his old self in them; he’s doing his part to build the culture of helping in the office
8:10 – The employees are the ones building and determining the company culture
10:20 – It’s through experiencing ups and downs together that the parties involved will grow closer to one another
11:30 – Tim sees the importance in giving back because the receiver and giver will feel better
15:25 – Tim’s relationship arc with one of his senior colleagues and lessons learned – a good example of giving unconditionally to a turning point
21:15 – Laughter and good relationships within the workplace make the day more enjoyable; James Altucher mentioned adults smile about 4 times a day on average while children smile and laugh so much more (https://jamesaltucher.com/2014/04/what-happened-to-all-the-laughter/)
22:35 – We shouldn’t let other people’s selfishness affect our decision of helping everyone regardless
24:05 – Episode wrap-up
27:00 – Tim and Vance’s thoughts about Anecdotes being 1-year-old
0:55 – Why do we like to talk about the good things and leave out the bad things?
4:10 – Vulnerability tends to draw people in because of the relatability; but Tim asked, could it be that we don’t want to spoil someone else’s day by talking about our problems?
7:30 – Tim thinks that men tend to fall prey to these problems more often; mentioned Lewis Howes’s newest book The Mask Of Masculinity
9:30 – Being vulnerable allows the relationship to deepen, we need to show our flaws so others can learn how to accept us
13:10 – Think about going on a date: The other person will only be interested if you’re not bragging all the time but showing your true self
14:35 – Tim points out that it takes time for people to let their guard down
15:25 – Vance’s reflection on his past struggles with showing a strong ego but realised in recent years that it’s perfectly okay to be vulnerable
17:35 – When we come to terms with our shortcomings and be open to sharing it, we’ll start to be less ashamed of it and improve
18:25 – Update on Vance’s recount of interviews in episode #34 and the hardest question in any job interviews
0:55 – Tim’s reflection on his behaviour: Am I still me if I behave differently in front of specific people and
4:50 – What does it mean if my behaviour depends on their responses too?
6:00 – Vance thinks it’s about adapting to social situations – we bring out the parts of us that are necessary for the specific situation
7:40 – Vance thinks our personalities are a mixture of personality traits that overlap with one another
8:25 – Tim’s reason for asking and reflecting is his worry about offending others when he gets too comfortable and straightforward
9:30 – Random motorbike revving engine and Tim’s iPhone’s notification tone
10:35 – If someone really wants to deepen the friendship or relationship, he or she has to accept the other person’s flaws
12:50 – How Tim used self-deprecating humour to approach potential clients for mortgage loans
14:20 – If you’re comfortable with a person, does it mean you like the person?
15:55 – Tim’s summary: At the end of the day, which version of yourself are you most comfortable and happiest with?
17:30 – Tim is grateful for the fortune of meeting someone whom he can relate to and bring to the next phase of his life; these people shaped his personality along the way too
18:50 – Mentioned James Altucher’s Reinvent Yourself and Choose Yourself
19:50 – Bloopers
0:55 – Vance never prepared so much for job interviews before but he went the extra mile to impress
2:10 – Girl sent a direct message to Airbnb founder with a deck (article on Huffington Post https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/airbnb-resume-viral_us_55a90cb3e4b0c5f0322d0b5a)
4:25 – Mentioned Noah Kagan’s podcast episode 43 (Sales Tips for Your Business and Daily Life)
5:30 – Tim’s professional “disaster” that turned out better than expected
10:05 – How Tim could have done better; research and pitch something that could benefit them
13:00 – How Vance changed his perspective about tackling problems – putting more thought instead of “just going with the flow”
15:15 – Mentioned movie Stronger – we need to cultivate the habit of going against our selfish instincts
17:10 – Gary Vaynerchuk said before about guilt-tripping everyone with so much value that they will remember him for life
18:45 – We need to make more time for free thinking – reflect on our actions and how we want our lives to be/what makes the good life? (inspired by an article by Charles Chu – Rethinking Happiness)
22:00 – It’s impossible to live without regrets; what’s important is learning from the regrets to inform our decisions from then on
23:25 – Think about how to benefit others before asking for something in return
0:55 – Tim’s brother mapped out Tim’s possible career progression based on his emphasis on building relationships
3:40 – Tim used to give up easily but now he’s more determined than ever to press on
5:20 – We talked about the weapons of influence: likeness and reciprocity (Robert Cialdini’s Influence)
7:45 – Do you want need to be poor to appreciate what it feels like to be rich?
9:40 – Does Tim has a mind of his own if most of his career choices are based on other people’s advice?
11:35 – We all don’t know what we want as young adults with limited working experience so we can only tweak our choices over the course of our lives
13:45 – We need to find out what our “ideal day” looks like and work backwards to start our journey towards finding what we want in a career
15:45 – Why we often feel that rich people have more wisdom than the average population?
17:40 – Lessons are learned from mistakes but we can learn from successes too
21:00 – The idea of starting one’s own business is always magical
23:00 – Focusing on relationships instead of revenue might be at odds with sales but relationships are the foundation of long-term sales
24:30 – Mentioned Julie Zhuo’s newsletter
0:55 – Vance’s anecdote – An outing with a group of friends and one friend dominates the group conversation, talking only about her life
3:30 – People who only talk about their lives don’t seem to care about our feelings; Tim also had a similar interaction with someone he met at work
5:50 – Could social media be one of the causes of us constantly wanting to talk about our lives?
7:45 – Rambling on versus talking about something that can add value to people’s lives
9:30 – Tim mentioned a video by School Of Life – How Not to be Boring (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M9i2HAE-ZSw)
11:05 – There’s another way to look at it – it could be that the person wants to liven up the atmosphere
14:05 – We shouldn’t be too quick to jump to conclusions, anyway
16:05 – All social interactions are just our efforts to build and maintain relationships; mentioned Noah Kagan’s podcast episode 43 (Sales Tips for Your Business and Daily Life)
19:00 – Vance’s takeaway: be sure what you want to say/sell, understand the listener/audience, and tailor it to benefit them; episode wrap-up
0:55 – Tim asked Vance about his journaling habit, reflections on the week’s decisions and plans ahead
2:35 – Review and assess what went wrong instead of giving up – a mistake Tim made up until now and realised after a chat with a friend
5:00 – Vance’s analogy about solving a rubik’s cube being similar to how most of us live our lives – no proper strategy and just trying blindly
9:00 – Tim’s plan to pursue purposeful actions and not just overcoming inaction
11:50 – We wouldn’t grasp 100% of any books we read but discussions with others can improve our understanding
16:00 – Tim’s takeaway: overcome inaction, assess what can be done better and last but not least, try again with purpose action guided by the assessment; episode wrap-up
0:55 – Vance’s anecdote – A conversation with a friend about the amount of work we should put in as an employee
3:00 – We need to constantly learn new things whether or not there’s anyone to teach us
6:00 – There are 2 kinds of jobs – performance-independent (fixed salary) and performance-dependent (commission/incentive-based salary)
9;15 – Although you get a fixed salary, if you don’t perform better than expected, your pay can’t increase
11:35 – Tim and Vance’s boat theory to describe the situation
14:30 – Tim playing the devil’s advocate to explain the other side of the coin; it’s still a utopian ideal that is hard to fight for in the real world
16:00 – A captain is important to band everyone together and steer in the right direction; we all need something to believe in (mentioned Simon Sinek’s Start With Why)
18:10 – Performing more than expected is actually beneficial for yourself
20:35 – Maybe it’s our culture: most of us think that the smart ones are those who work less for more money and know how to avoid doing more work
23:50 – Episode wrap-up
0:55 – Tim’s anecdote – A conversation with a property agent who started as a salesman who sold automobile as a middleman
4:40 – Sales is more about making the buyer like you rather than knowing the products inside out
6:20 – If you’re new, you try to go above and beyond to offer solutions to other people’s problems; provide value
8:30 – Old Chinese saying: The master will always teach you only 9 out of 10 skills to always have leverage over the disciple
10:55 – But the stranger shared all 10 skills to others so he has to acquire more skills and improve
12:40 – Be more confident but don’t become another person; always be genuine
15:35 – There are lessons to be learned from anyone but learning how to learn is a skill in itself; education systems focus on memorising not learning
17:45 – We seldom stop to think and reflect on what we’ve done; in fact this podcast is our journal
21:40 – Selling is not what you think is good; selling is listening to what your buyer needs and offering that to him or her
24:00 – Conversing with others is therapeutic and the worst punishment is solitary confinement; mentioned Cast Away (2000)
25:45 – Episode wrap-up
0:55 – Vance’s anecdote – reflections on job search over the past few weeks
3:35 – Tim’s inputs: The writing industry is a sunset industry; it’s ok to change and adapt to situations
6:00 – Writing is not so much of a job now but a requirement in most jobs
7:10 – The difference between content marketing and copywriting; got it from Sean McCabe’s book – Overlap
9:30 – Vance can write in his free time instead of strictly finding a writing job; it’s all about showing up
13:25 – Writing copy at an agency and for clients might help Vance expand his network
14:15 – We’ll have many interests in life but we can’t be good at everything and make a living out of them
15:00 – Overlapping is important – work a job to pay the bills while doing something you really love
18:20 – If we want any kind of results, we need to show up a lot more often
19:30 – Most podcasts can’t get past the 50th episode; most pet projects can’t get past the first year – it’s a challenge for us!
21:15 – Episode wrap-up
0:55 – Tim’s anecdote – He shared the podcast with a friend and her compliments made his day
3:00 – Tim’s friend inspires him with her determination and perseverance
8:50 – Knowing you inspired or helped someone is quite unbelievable
10:00 – Mentioned the film Mother! (2017) and Vance wrote a film review on F*** Movie Mag (http://www.fmoviemag.com/mother-2017-review/)
11:45 – Why Jennifer Lawrence is so popular and relatable; how we’re attracted to relatable
14:30 – Tim wants to try meditation to get a better grip on his life and be more awareness; can try Headspace
16:00 – Another experience while meeting new property agents
20:00 – Tim likes the networking part of the job but it’s very draining
22:15 – Episode wrap-up
0:55 – Most of us tend to give the excuse of doing things only whenever we want it, especially when we can’t get instantaneous results
3:15 – Exercising is a great example; self-consciousness and judgment from others are huge obstacles
5:25 – Vance’s personal experience of losing 15-20kg
6:25 – Adopt the Stoic’s way of life (https://dailystoic.com/) when trying to achieve something that requires long-term commitment; remove emotions and make it a habit
9:00 – Most people don’t judge overweight people but most overweight people think everyone judges them; Vance used to feel that way too
10:30 – Would Vance and Tim get together with a chubby or overweight person?
13:20 – It’s hard to say because finding a person who makes you feel comfortable is very rare
14:10 – Episode wrap-up: Make it a habit and don’t think too much
0:55 – Tim’s anecdote – introducing himself to property agents; nervous to approach strangers for the first time
6:15 – Tim had to do something to make himself stand out from the other mortgage specialists
9:40 – Tim used to hate approaching strangers but he knew he need to put himself in uncomfortable positions to learn; doing others what others are not willing to do
10:55 – Unfamiliarity and discomfort will slowly disappear as we repeat it
12:10 – The fear of what others think of us crippling us to act; likability is a very important factor; mentioned Robert Cialdini’s Influence book (https://www.influenceatwork.com/)
14:45 – We need to feel some fear/anxiety when we’re doing something to improve ourselves to know there’s something at stake
16:05 – Feeling more confident after going through the uncomfortable situation
18:35 – Learning to deal with anxiety and fear of meeting new people
20:35 – Meeting new people in social situations is different from meeting new people in business situations
22:50 – Episode wrap-up; Tim’s most valuable lesson – The longer you wait, the more you will not act
1:40 – Tim’s anecdote, some thoughts after watching the last episode of Game of Thrones
5;45 – We often forget the tribulations and setbacks behind a successful face
8:00 – Social media highlights the results and overshadows the dirty work needed to get the results; it is a double-edged sword
10:45 – The paradox of inspirational videos, they inspire you but seldom tell you how to achieve what you want
12:30 – Theon Greyjoy is like us (the audience) while Jon Snow is like a wake-up call, advice we don’t like to hear because we know it’s true
16:35 – Game of Thrones isn’t just a good combination of dragons, zombies and sex, it’s well-written and very relatable
20:35 – We want to be consistent with what we say and behave; failure to do so will make us look like unreliable
22:35 – The journey towards redemption and greatness is always inspiring
24:45 – Failures are only permanent if you choose
27:05 – Stories of failing and getting back up are a lot more relatable than flat out success stories
28:45 – Vance’s anecdote, why writing well and thinking well are interconnected
32:55 – Mentioned a Medium article, “How Books and Television Affect Your Brain Differently” (https://journal.thriveglobal.com/how-books-and-television-affect-your-brain-differently-according-to-science-82c3b14f789b)
35:25 – Mentioned Charisma on Command Youtube channel (https://www.youtube.com/user/charismaoncommand), tips on how to be more confident, and why people are reading books less and watching 3-4 min summary videos
40:15 – Is it better to watch the summary videos rather than the books since our memory is not great anyway?
43:30 – People want to peek inside successful CEOs’ brains and their writing is one of the most easily accessible ways to
47:15 – We don’t spend much time on thinking and reviewing our day, and being grateful
48:55 – Some thoughts on hawker centre etiquette and making the cleaner aunties and uncles’ lives better
55:10 – Episode wrap up
1:00 – Tim’s anecdote, his notion of humans being helpful by nature was challenged
4:35 – Tim learned to appreciate and treasure help because of the situation
6:00 – You can’t change what happens to you but you can change how you feel and react to what happens to you
8:00 – Mentioned Robert Cialdini’s Influence book (https://www.influenceatwork.com/)
10:15 – Bad personality or just bad blood?
13:45 – Tim’s interactions with his colleague
17:35 – Similar personalities attract?
20:00 – Pros and cons of a straightforward personality
21:15 – Mentioned Mark Manson’s The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F*ck book (https://markmanson.net/books/subtle-art)
21:35 – Opposing personalities attract?
23:10 – Writing goals on your desk to keep motivated
26:05 – Vance’s anecdote, cold emailing F*** Movie Magazine (http://www.fmoviemag.com/) and getting a film review published (The Battleship Island and Once Upon A Time reviews)
28:05 – As a writer, you need to pitch to several publications on the side and not just write full-time for one publication
29:45 – The power of asking for an opportunity; the common obstacle most creatives face
31:15 – People always say “don’t judge a book by its cover” but that’s what covers are for – Ryan Holiday
35:15 – Why having mentors help in self-improvement; getting shit done when you’re accountable to someone
37:00 – A good mentor doesn’t impose ideals on the mentee, a good mentor helps the mentee put the latter’s goals in perspective and help him achieve it
41:30 – Episode wrap-up
0:55 – Vance’s anecdote
1:55 – Are we a generation that needs to travel? Do we travel for the sake of travelling and to “show off”?
5:15 – We just like to travel because everyone else is doing it?
8:05 – Offer/deal websites are saving us money but making us spend money we wouldn’t otherwise spend if we didn’t see the offer/deal in the first place
11:15 – Balance between rationality and emotions to problems within a relationship and compromise
13:25 – There’s always this issue about someone is giving in more; how to deal with it?
16;35 – Don’t look at relationships with equations and formulae
19:40 – We shouldn’t expect someone to do something for us if we won’t do it ourselves
20:30 – Tim’s anecdote
22;15 – Tim gets upset when his friends don’t have clear goals and want to help them but he’s afraid he might be too overbearing
24:15 – People can only change if they want to be changed
29:15 – Influence people by adopting different angles
30;35 – Look in through other people’s lens to know if they’re ready; basically empathy
33:50 – Maybe we are just inspired by thought leaders and we want to help others as well
34:45 – Sometimes Vance ask himself, “Should I help this person?”
35:25 – But what about when people are whining about their lives and we just point the problems out to them?
36;15 – When someone whines or complains, he or she is not asking for a solution but emotional relief; when someone asks for help, he or she is asking for a rational solution
40;10 – Friends call Tim sarcastic because he can be too straightforward at times
41:35 – Some science talk quoted from Simon Sinek’s Start With Why (https://startwithwhy.com/) – Limbic brain and pre-frontal cortex
44:20 – Successful people are usually great at balancing rationality and emotions
47:40 – Episode wrap-up
0:55 – Tim’s introduction of Terrace House
2:45 – We like reality shows because we yearn to be like the characters?
5:55 – A group of celebrities and show hosts commentating
7:05 – Dissecting Terrace House
10:05 – Why Tim likes the show so much – he’s reminded of the principles we discussed on the show with other guests and among ourselves
12:15 – Vance thinks the producers casted these members with an intention and knowledge that the show will be interesting
14:05 – Each cast member has their individual objectives/goals appearing on the show
15;50 – Taiwan, Korea and China have similar reality shows
17:00 – Discussion about why such reality shows are so popular
19:35 – Why Tim started to watch Terrace House in the first place – a friend told him that his mannerisms are similar to one of the characters named “Guy”
21:20 – Vance got reminded an anecdote shared by Jeff Cannata from Slash Film Cast (https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-filmcast/id281400220)
22:25 – He mentioned that he’s very affected by malicious tweets
23:45 – Back to Terrace House – on rejection
25;45 – Terrace House is like the Sims?
26:50 – Back to what Vance was talking about – Jeff Cannata, an actor and podcaster
28:20 – We are all humans so we get affected by very similar things, whether we are a celebrity or not
29:00 – Links back to Terrace House – we like it when it’s relatable
30:35 – Do reality shows such as Terrace House serve a social purpose by educating viewers about rejection, failures, etc.?
33:00 – The hosts giving commentary is in itself valuable to viewers
34:25 – Reality shows typically rank very low on educational value because it feeds on sensationalism
39:40 – Episode wrap up
1:00 – Tim’s anecdote
2:15 – We often lack empathy and like to jump to conclusions to judge others
5:30 – Why do we tend to jump to conclusions? Is it because of the need to feel right?
7:25 – Without empathy, we can’t be objective and fail to look at situations from different perspectives
8:50 – We tend to jump to conclusions because uncertainty scares us
10:20 – Goes back to the hunter-gatherer era
11:15 – Don’t jump to conclusion when it involves emotions
15:10 – Vance’s anecdote
17:55 – We can’t accept our shortcomings and problems because of our ego/pride
20:30 – Tim was trying to say: “Ego is a crown that the average people wear on their heads, but only the humble and wise can see it”; similar to the quote Conor talked about (Health is a crown that the healthy wear on their heads, but only the sick can see it.), albeit negative
21:00 – Related to the Growth Mindset by Carol Dweck; ego impedes improvement and progress (https://mindsetonline.com/)
21:40 – Most people can’t accept when they’re told they’re not “enough”
24:10 – Ask yourself: Are you working to your best abilities?
26:35 – Setting unrealistic goals for ourselves to achieve by a certain age – is it healthy?
27:30 – The best thing we can do for ourselves: Stop caring what others think
28:05 – Why it’s hard to not care about what others think – back to ego/pride; be confident instead of egotistical
28;45 – Mentioned Jeff Goins’s interview with Ryan Holiday on Ego Is The Enemy (https://goinswriter.com/ryan-holiday/)
31:00 – Back to Vance’s anecdote – What actionables did he give his friend?
33:20 – Finish your main responsibilities and do them well before taking up more
35:30 – Be patient and put in more work and time before expecting any results; people’s perceptions won’t change just over a few weeks
38:00 – Tim and Vance will share an anecdote each instead of an article
39:25 – Episode wrap up
1:50 – Vance’s takeaway: Choose your interest or passion over a job that pays well; “health is the crown the healthy wear on the heads but only the sick can see it”
3:30 – Tim’s takeaway: Conor’s ability to be grateful for many things is inspiring; Operation Walk Ireland (http://operationwalk.ie/)
5:20 – Tim’s reflection on maintaining one’s health; the YouTube video (23 and a half hours) (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aUaInS6HIGo)
7:30 – Conor’s upcoming new podcast on health and physiotherapy
10:50 – Zat Rana’s article on How To Think Clearly based on Marcus Aurelius’s wisdom (https://medium.com/personal-growth/marcus-aurelius-how-to-think-clearly-c7f76026fb6)
12:20 – Looking at a situation from different perspectives
14:15 – Marcus Aurelius doesn’t allow his own perspective to distort reality
16:10 – Declutter the mind by writing things down to look at it objectively
19:50 – Why are we so concerned about adhering to societal standards or norms? Tim shares an anecdote about his conversation with his barber friend
22:40 – Someone who is happy doing his or her job might be better off and happier than someone rich but not doing he or she likes
24;20 – Be objective with what you want, work backwards to figure out how to get there
30:10 – Play the long game – if you’re happy with your job, success will come sooner or later with determination and hard work
31:05 – Don’t give so much thought about what people think of you
31:50 – Tim’s anecdote about getting caught in a dilemma whether to buy egg tarts for his colleagues
33:45 – Jason’s advice: Do it anyway because you will get judged regardless what you do
35:30 – The lack of a sharing culture and providing value to others
38:15 – Is it just the kind of culture Singapore is immersed in? Our parents used to tell us: Don’t mix with the bad company if you don’t want to turn bad; Finish your homework first before helping others
41:10 – What would your parents or anyone say if you decide to quit your job and join a charity organisation?
43:00 – Receiving or giving handouts? It might be because of how we’re wired
45:25 – Episode wrap up
46:40 – Think of societal norms as top sellers – people might like it but it’s ok if you don’t; go for what is best for you and not what others think is best
Conor Mc Hugh is from Ballina, County Mayo in Western Ireland
1:05 – Introducing Conor and how Tim met Conor
4:00 – Push and pull factors about migrating to a foreign country for work
5:05 – Losing shyness while growing up
6:50 – Tim’s curiosity about Conor’s “neutral” accent
8:15 – Is it true that fights are common in Ireland?
9:35 – Getting over homesickness
10:55 – Value time with family because of working overseas
11:45 – Finding common ground to build relationships
13:05 – Conor wants to start a conversation-centric podcast too, focused on wellness and health
14:50 – Conor’s experience of doing voluntary work at Vietnam for Operation Walk Ireland (https://www.facebook.com/operationwalkireland/), helping people suffering from osteoarthritis
18:30 – How Conor started volunteering for Operation Walk Ireland
21:30 – Why do successful people want to give back to society?
23:30 – Why did Conor choose physiotherapy as a profession?
24:45 – What kind of advice would Conor give a 16-17yo Conor?
26:35 – Conor had to choose between physiotherapy and marine biology at that time
28:10 – Harder to follow one’s interests for people growing up in Singapore
30:40 – Rogue-learning in modern education (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=rogue%20learner)
32:50 – Singapore did a lot of things right, nonetheless
34:00 – No right or wrong in terms of parenting; putting ourselves in the baby boomers’ shoes
35:40 – Parents’ intentions come from a place of love; they just want the best for us
37:25 – It’s on you if you choose to stay in a place you don’t want to be in; you have to make your own choices
38:10 – Conor’s plans for the near future
40:25 – Tim meant, “More money doesn’t hurt”
41:45 – The worst thing you can do to a human – put someone in solitary cell
42:20 – When is Conor starting his podcast?
43:40 – The kind of people Conor meet every day as a physiotherapist
Conor mentioned ACL (Anterior Cruciate Ligament) rehabilitation, something related to knee
46:00 – View injuries as lessons to learn from
47:10 – Patients who left deep impressions on Conor
49:30 – “Health is a crown that the healthy wear on their heads, but only the sick can see it.”
50:45 – Physiotherapy teaching Conor gratefulness
51:30 – How Conor convinces people to take care of their health; Conor mentioned “23 and a half hours“ (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aUaInS6HIGo)
53:35 – The motivation of loss versus the motivation of gain
55:25 – Most of us understand that we need to talk to people before convincing but it’s hard to apply in reality
57:30 – Conor used to take on the problems of others on himself
59:00 – Missing food back in Ireland; fresh vegetables in the backyard garden
1:01:55 – Be grateful for the small little things
1:02:00 – Singapore’s food culture
Conor mentioned Ayam Masak Merah
1:09:35 – theMEATMENchannel (https://www.youtube.com/user/theMEATMENsg)
We mentioned Zhenwei, an entrepreneur who started his pop-up shop selling Japanese rice bowls with sashimi (Episode #10)
1:13:25 – Most of our ideas die in our heads
1:14:20 – Short discussion on podcasts
We mentioned Aubrey Marcus’s podcast (https://www.google.com.sg/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=3&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0ahUKEwiA_9qPjKLVAhXHHJQKHUN-AnIQFggwMAI&url=https%3A%2F%2Fitunes.apple.com%2Fus%2Fpodcast%2Faubrey-marcus-podcast%2Fid521945322%3Fmt%3D2&usg=AFQjCNF1N7abH4lAPZ7VB9hCl3wFAdZsOg) and Mike Tyson’s podcast, “Bite the Mic“ (https://www.google.com.sg/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0ahUKEwjOsavki6LVAhUCnJQKHWHDD0sQFggiMAA&url=https%3A%2F%2Fitunes.apple.com%2Fus%2Fpodcast%2Fmike-tyson-bite-the-mic%2Fid1243712798%3Fmt%3D2&usg=AFQjCNFizva-L-LXfQDws9S3C5FPYbsVbg)
1:18:20 – Episode wrap up
1:50 – Goals are short-term and why they’re not the best approach to achieving something
5:10 – When we meet a goal we set previously, we might be lost when we eventually achieve it
7:45 – Cultivate a system or habit and stick to it
11:00 – Commit to a process and hone your craft
15:15 – Timothy’s experience with running
16:15 – Improvement plotted on a graph is never linear so don’t expect immediate results
18:15 – The few things that don’t come in an instant
22:15 – On #relationshipgoals
24:45 – Committing to a schedule takes the emotional element out of painful processes
26:30 – Not conforming to “goals” mean lesser expectations for oneself
28:15 – Using a basketball coach to explain “goals” and “processes/systems”
32:15 – Timothy’s encounter with a young credit card salesman
52:00 – Timothy’s experience with his trainer
55:45 – The importance of humour
58:00 – People who don’t have a sense of humour?
1:02:15 – Movie reference to Matthew McConaughey’s humming the money chant song in The Wolf Of Wall Street (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tAhIg5Dy3uA)
1:03:45 – Laughing as a distraction to our troubles
1:05:30 – Timothy being smooth with mature ladies
1:07:10 – Summary: Reverse engineering by identifying a goal then come up with a system or process that will get you there
1:08:00 – Summary: Learning from someone younger than us
1:09:30 – Give people the attention they deserve
1:45 – Timothy shares his first week as a Mortgage Specialist at OCBC bank, lessons learned (contact Timothy if you want a great deal for your mortgage *winks*)
4:30 – We feel safer and more secure with someone similar to us and Timothy’s chat with a fellow trainee who was a Taekwondo black belt
12:15 – Taking the initiative to approach people in a new environment to be part of a group or clique versus waiting for “handouts”
16:45 – Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion by Dr Robert Cialdini
19:45 – Vance’s lesson from a Medium article titled, “Finding a Real Audience: Who Are You Creating For?” by Christopher La Porte (https://writingcooperative.com/finding-a-real-audience-who-are-you-creating-for-ca2ebfb8653)
20:15 – The 5 different types of audience: “Walkers”, “Stoppers”, “Standers”, “Sitters” and “Dancers”
25:00 – We can’t please everyone; so engage those who care and appreciate us
28:15 – “Be the change you want to be” – is it an oxymoron?
31:30 – 32:00 Awkward honking from the Karung Guni (rag and bone man who collects unwanted items in Singapore) in the background (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karung_guni)
34:45 – James Altucher making a switch from working in finance to a full-time author and entrepreneur
35:45 – A Medium article that talks about Charles Bukowski and his philosophy of “just be you” (https://medium.com/personal-growth/charles-bukowski-how-to-stand-out-in-a-noisy-world-24720e17a6d1)
38:45 – What we hate or dislike is imperative because it makes it easier to find our passion
40:00 – An article Vance recently wrote: Screw judgement if you want to get anything done (https://theanecdotes.net/screw-judgment-if-you-want-anything-done/)
46:00 – People who judge you and your actions are usually afraid or jealous and people who say, “I told you so”.
50:30 – Rounding the key learning points for the week
2:00 – Short introduction of Jason and our impression of him
8:15 – Don’t be 100% sure what you want to do but believe 100% in what you do
12:00 – Living by oneself and not being sheltered
14:15 – Jason’s humour
17:15 – First key learning point: Contribute as much as you can in your own way
19:15 – Don’t wait for that “big thing”
22:15 – Empathy is a necessity not something to be commended
25:30 – Shoutout to Bryan Victor from Misfits podcast
29:30 – Second key learning point: Leaders are overrated and followers are usually ignored or even disregarded
32:15 – For anyone to be successful, he or she needs support from others
36;15 – Vance likes to follow?
40:15 – Invention versus innovation
44:45 – Starbucks’s marketing strategy: honesty sells and Jason’s Instagram video
48:15 – Why do we lie?
53:00 – Third key learning point: Screw judgement to get stuff done
54:00 – Practical or impractical?
1:01:45 – If you’re not utilising your time, that’s impractical
1:04:45 – How to find out if you’re a “How” or “Why” person
This week on Anecdotes, Jason Teo, scriptwriter for a local video production house Juo Productions joins us!
We talked about a bunch of things, particularly about how tough is local video production projects and what it means to be a creative in Singapore. We touched a little bit on leaders and followers, which Jason gave his unique perspective on: it’s alright not to be leader, as long as you’re contributing and believe in the cause.
2:20 – Tim’s first impression of Jason
8:00 – How Jason got into scriptwriting for Juo Productions
18:20 – How Jason make his passion work at Juo Productions
21:30 – Everyone’s situation doesn’t allow creation but contribute to feel satisfied; entrepreneur fever
29:30 – Feeling lucky because knowing what one enjoys since a young age is extremely rare
30:55 – How do you find out what you like?
32:00 – Chase the small dreams before chasing the big dreams
34:50 – Judgement stops a lot of people in their tracks
38:40 – How hard was deciding to write scripts for Juo Productions?
42:20 – Where does Jason get inspiration for content?
44:55 – Building on an idea is as important as coming up with the idea itself
50:15 – Jason’s perspective of art
55:00 – Where the film industry is heading towards – Netflix!
58:00 – Singapore’s education system is too rigid and discourages free-thinking?
1:02:15 – Creative thinking is great but there must be leaders and followers
1:08:00 – Jason chose Polytechnic because it has a freer environment for his creative thinking
1:14:45 – Some shameless promotions for Juo Productions
Juo Productions YouTube channel (https://www.youtube.com/user/JazClips)
0:50 – Tim sharing his experience of traveling alone for the first time in Bali
3:05 – Advice from a father to son “Son, I am rich, you are not.”
8:00 – Started from the bottom, and now we’re here
10:25 – A startup weekend event in a coworking space in Bali where people would give elevator pitches to receive feedback from industry experts
Event page (Tourism edition) https://www.hubud.org/specialevents/startup-weekend-bali/
17:20 – High-pitch voice vs low-pitch voice
TED talk mentioned (https://www.ted.com/talks/julian_treasure_how_to_speak_so_that_people_want_to_listen)
23:00 – Speaking the same language as a stranger can create immediate connections
27:20 – Vance’s meeting with his mentor for the first time
34:20 – If you want people to engage your services, you have to be proud of what you’ve done and are doing, especially your paid experiences
39:00 – Snakes and ladders
Medium article: The Purpose of Life is to Be a Nobody (https://medium.com/personal-growth/the-purpose-of-life-is-to-be-a-nobody-72ceeb078373)
1. Being a nobody allows us to truly experience and appreciate the profoundness of the sublime.
2. Being a nobody frees us from the irrational pressures and expectations of an uncertain world.
3. Being a nobody gives us the humility to realise that it’s our struggles that define us, not our desires.
4:20 – 21-year old Uber driver who had a wake-up call when he became a father
9:00 – Two choices while serving National Service.
17:00 – Being humble despite having small wins
27:00 – Timothy: Writers who write about the same topic,
Minus 1 minute 22 seconds from here
34:18 – Writers should be a “T” person and writer’s block
38:17 – Writer’s block is a myth
53:58 – Vance: Books vs TV
58:10 – Why books are more helpful for the brain than TV, reading books as a form of creation
1:07:55 Being forgetful equates to being creative?`
Mark Zuckerberg Video (https://www.facebook.com/facebook/videos/10155849356871729/?pnref=story)
Curious Dinners (http://yes.cutthesmalltalk.com/dinners/)
Vance: Books vs TV, why books are more helpful for the brain than TV, reading books as a form of creation
Guest: Sean Ethan Sahai
13:22 Travelling to open your mind
18:40 Racial harmony in Singapore
20:00 Growing up in a mixed family
24:00 Liberation from tendering resignation
53:00 If I could spend 18 hours a day, it would be discovering music
57:00 Start with 5 things you enjoy doing
1:09:00 Being good at the things that matter is more important than being the best at one thing
1:11:11 Being remembered for what I am and not what I am not.
1:13:40 Working backwards by figuring what you want to leave behind to figure out the steps you need to make
1:00 Vance’s article of the week – Alexander’s Knot: A Different Way to Solve Hard Problems (https://medium.com/the-polymath-project/alexanders-knot-a-different-way-to-solve-hard-problems-756e9a8e9a9f)
1:20 Solving hard problems give us a sense of achievement and we learn from the experiences. But just because we can solve a problem, it doesn’t mean we should and must.
2:04 “An ancient oracle had foretold that anyone who contrived to loosen this knot would become lord of all Asia.”
3:35 Sometimes it’s not whether you can solve a problem, it’s whether you’re willing to move on to solve other problems worth your time
4:25 Alexander could have spent his time figuring out how to find the loose ends of the knot but he chose not to
4:45 Sometimes cutting the knot or ignoring it altogether will give us more time and energy to solve other pressing problems in life
10:40 Difference between giving up and solving problems that are affecting you
20:25 Relationships are two-way street.
23:00 Hanging with the wrong company
26:00 Appreciating the view with your friends
28:00 Camaraderie – mutual trust and friendship among people who spend a lot of time together
30:00 Tim’s article of the week – Take the lowest pay possible (https://medium.com/the-mission/take-the-lowest-pay-possible-af59a0d4bd7a)
30:30 Earn less = less expectations;Earn more = bigger shoes to fill
32:00 Money clouds objectivity, you get worse at being honest with yourself. So you trick yourself into thinking how much you kinda like it because of the money
32:20 You don’t realize it, but a highly paid young person is like a red flag to people looking for hungry young talent.
34:00 Go into each job with a mission to be the best employee there. To create the most value, have the most fun, capture the company vision and help build on it, learn everything you can, help as many people as possible. Don’t turn down a job you like over a few thousand in salary. Don’t haggle over an offer to ratchet up the pay inch by inch. Ignore salary altogether if you can. Focus on building value for yourself and others.
40:30 6 Truths About Money That Are Tripping You Up (https://medium.com/personal-growth/6-truths-about-money-that-are-tripping-you-up-d9130b54be54)
42:00 Ambition comes from having interests and hobbies
46:00 Are you taking action?
50:00 Mediocre performance leads to mediocre pay
54:15 Using a lure instead of a net
55:20 Be the fisherman instead of a fish
56:48 Taking adult steps instead of baby steps
57:40 Stop worrying about what others think
1:00 Timothy’s article of the week – Why Being Right is So Addictive (https://medium.com/the-mission/why-being-right-is-so-addictive-127cd7a1054)
1:30 Importance of being right in the Caveman era
2:17 Being “right” in today’s context
2:50 Being “right” could determine whether you come in first or second (Long View)
3:30 Being “right” makes you feel addicted to feeling powerful(Subjective View)
4:30 Ultimate expression of being right – Self-righteousness
5:28 The power that a self-righteous person feel is temporary and its a defense against feeling unworthy and powerless. Self right-ness is a flailing attempt to compensate for feelings of self-wrong-ness.
8:19 Single and ready to mingle
8:30 If being right is is to cover up inadequacy, then it is to just to save face.
10:10 You just want to feel like you matter, makes both parties miserable when you argue about who is being right.
10:30 Instances when we are addicted to being right. Insistent about an opinion, defending what you said, using logic to back up what you said.
11:10 Being right has its place when there are potentially serious consequences to getting it wrong. But it’s best to have the choice about when to pursue rightness, rather than having your thoughts and actions dictated by reflexive addiction.
13:00 Being right is associated with survival at work.
15:15 Power play when being right or wrong, ends up in a lose-lose situation
17:15 Self-righteous = living in self-denial
19:29 Put away your ego is you want to learn
24:40 Being “right” is a short term pleasure,
27:20 Agreement is more important that right or wrong
27:39 Vance’s article of the week – When Your Calling Seems Vague and Unclear, You’re on the Right Track (https://medium.com/the-mission/when-your-calling-seems-vague-and-unclear-youre-on-the-right-track-a337fa020fbf)
28:05 Central idea: No one ever knows what he or she wants to do in life. They find out along the way but only if they actually put in the work to figure it out through trial and error.
28:26 “We all want to do work that matters. But the truth is, the journey to get there can be confusing.”
29:55 “A calling is the accumulation of a person’s life’s experiences, skills, and passions — all put to work.”
32:20 “But I find so many of us are want to name it without taking any action. I’d prefer the reverse: act and then define what you’re doing.”
34:00 It will only become a passion when you try, if not it will always be a dream
34:16 “What’s far less popular is the disciplined practice of a craft — spending thousands of thankless hours getting great at something before sharing it with the world.”
39:18 “The kind of practice the demands our total presence and most serious attitude.”
40:58 “If you choose to wait, to bide your time before beginning to figure out what you were meant to do with your life, well that’s a form of practice, too.”
44:00 Picking a suitable educational route for the desired field of expertise
50:15 Peak by Anders Ericsson (https://www.google.com.sg/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0ahUKEwio4qCVjc7TAhVEq48KHYj6DiYQFgglMAA&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.amazon.com%2FPeak-Secrets-New-Science-Expertise%2Fdp%2F1531864880&usg=AFQjCNEC0wEGiH5OQTDJA39c7ukMwx--lA&sig2=ntG7ymA7fqDzSFs5QRkeWA)
50:44 So Good They Can’t Ignore You by Cal Newport (https://www.google.com.sg/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0ahUKEwi0ntmtjc7TAhUTR48KHQgwD6oQFgglMAA&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.amazon.com%2FGood-They-Cant-Ignore-You%2Fdp%2F1455509124&usg=AFQjCNEgUDmsDcGujoeFoF_0-BD4dNqjKA&sig2=-ssLXpxJ_ZAJlzuxq-uEmg)
55:30 Vance’s journey on finding his passion
1:02:20 James Altucher – 5×5 rule (https://jamesaltucher.com/2017/02/5x5-rule/)
1:12:53 The best time to fail is now
1:15:30 The importance of a personal website
1:00 Book of life
2:26 Vance’s article of the week – Book of Life: Why We Should Try to Become Better Narcissists (http://www.thebookoflife.org/good-narcissism/)
5:34 Good narcissism = self-confidence and self-love
5:52 Spread the happiness to others
9:35 Being happy first before you help others
10:10 Taking photos of yourself = self-confident?
17:20 Is talking about myself narcissistic?
23:55 Umair Haque
29:30 Love yourself and be confident on who you are and spread the happiness to others, give value to people first before you receive value.
30:35 Timothy’s article of the week – College Graduation & Working Abroad: Advice From A Few Great Thinkers (http://12hourdifference.co/graduation-working-abroad-advice-great-thinkers/)
44:04 Going to school is akin to walking in the garden, going to work is akin to exploring the forest
50:20 Schools can teach you anything except how to learn
54:49 Facing your fears instead of avoiding it
1:03:30 We know ourselves better when we share more about ourselves
1:00 Introduction to personal branding
2:50 Timothy’s article of the week – Every person is a brand (https://medium.com/simplybe-you/every-person-is-a-brand-ba4d103ca253)
9:15 More discussion on personal branding
11:30 Why personal branding is important
18:45 Vance’s article of the week – Why You Cannot Find “The One” & Why You Can’t Find “The One”: Part 2 & why we can’t find “The Perfect One” (https://byrslf.co/why-you-cannot-find-the-one-4446cf156079) (https://medium.com/the-mission/why-you-cant-find-the-one-part-2-e26569e36b69)
32:20 Vance’s personal experience of finding “The Perfect One”
35:40 Searching within one’s social circle
38:50 Opinion on dating apps and breakups leading to suicides
41:25 How much we don’t understand love
42:45 What is a good indication to know it is time to settle down
45:30 Treat all relationships with the same amount of trust, honesty and empathy
48:20 Give up bad relationships to build better relationships
49:50 Burning bridges
53:20 Relationships are the foundation of our world
54:20 Some actionables
55:10 Stop looking too far out; notice the ones around you
56:00 Go out and socialise to learn about relationships and work
57:35 Gary Vaynerchuk’s quote: The no’s are as important as the yes’s
59:30 Updates on the future plans
1:28 Vance’s article of the week – 3 Ways to handle Healthy Anger in Your Relationship (https://psiloveyou.xyz/3-ways-to-handle-healthy-anger-in-your-relationship-6e015d297314)
Anger is a primary feeling to mask our embarrassment, loneliness, exhaustion or fear
3 tips for listening to anger
1) Don’t take it personally
A person’s anger is not about you, it’s about the underlying primary feeling, which is embarassement or loneliness or fear
2) Don’t EVER tell the person to “calm down”
It means you are telling them that the way that they are reacting is unacceptable.
3) Identify the obstacle
Finding out what is wrong, to understand what the anger is about.
14:40 Viral video (https://www.facebook.com/gerald.teo.35/videos/10154495761318683/)
23:45 Can we get rid of anger entirely?
27:35 Timothy’s article of the week – Three questions to ask before quitting your job (https://psiloveyou.xyz/3-ways-to-handle-healthy-anger-in-your-relationship-6e015d297314)
41:45 Vance’s written article on Medium – What makes work bearable (https://thecoffeelicious.com/what-makes-work-bearable-4a2d1ba08728?source=false---------0)
52:00 Plans for future guests!
01:15 – Timothy’s article of the week – 6 Things to Stop Wasting Time On and Start Living (http://6%20things%20to%20stop%20wasting%20time%20on%20and%20start%20living/)
Negative thinking – We tend to focus on the negatives more than the positives and that is a really sad thing. Negativity promotes stagnation.
Comparing yourself to someone else – Because of social media, we tend to be drawn towards a certain individual who seems to have life figured out, and when we look at ourselves, we start feeling bitter.
Focusing on the past – Your past failures does not dictate you, you need to accept that loss and move on.
Trying to get people to like you – Why worry about what others think? You don’t have to make people like you, BUT you need to treat people the way you want to be treated.
Surrendering to fear – If you give in to fear, it will cause stagnation again. Because you will worry about what others think if you fail. Always ask yourself, would I rather fail terribly than to regret not trying at all?
Holding onto unforgiveness – It could be because of a mistake someone made and because of your inability to forgive, it caused a lot of pain for those around you.
18:15 – Vance’s article of the week – Life Is a Video Game (https://markmanson.net/life-cheat-codes)
Game of life is tough, especially with everything trying to kill you the moment you’re released into the “real world”
Therefore, the imperative task is to level up to make the game of life more enjoyable and less frightening
Level 1 – Find food; find a bed to sleep in at night
Level 2 – Know you’re not going to die
Level 3 – Find your people
Level 4 – Do something that’s important and valuable to both yourself and others
Level 5 – Create a legacy
But like any game, Life sets everyone at a different starting line – some are more privileged than others, some are luckier than others.
Everyone has the power to change how their lives pan out, though most of us think we have no power and control over anything in our lives.
5 key principles to understand
Life will give us unlimited amount of difficult and unexpected problems
We can respond with either (1) devising a Solution or (2) succumbing to Distractions
Just like anything, devising a Solution or succumbing to Distractions will get easier as we do more of either
Solutions will get us to the next level while Distractions will keep us stuck on the same level
The formula to winning at Life is simple: (1) identify Solutions & Distractions (2) remove Distractions (3) keep devising Solutions (4) Level Up and win
But it’s not easy to apply the formula
As we Level Up, Life doesn’t get easier, it just gets more fulfilling and satisfying when we continue devising Solutions instead of succumbing to Distractions and ultimately, win by creating a legacy
There are also 5 cheat codes (or strategies) to make our choices of “devising Solutions” easier than picking “succumbing to Distractions” instead
I am responsible for everything
Write down the distractions
Stop fucking complaining
Stop fantasising (and fucking do)
Share my shame (acknowledge flaws, lay them bare and fix them)
“The difficulty is not winning, but knowing what winning itself means. Because that’s the real challenge: deciding what our own life is worth and then having the courage to go out and live it.”
52:14 – Vance’s article on Medium – What is Friendship? (https://byrslf.co/what-is-friendship-f4a418b56258)
1:01:00 – Timothy’s article on Medium – Why We Should Find a Hobby (https://medium.com/@timertee/why-we-should-find-a-hobby-b9273855c70a)
2:00 – Vance’s article of the week – How to be human (http://www.theverge.com/2017/3/19/14974046/how-to-be-human-confidence-compassion-empathy)
14:15 – Vance’s article on Medium – Why is ageing scary (https://thecoffeelicious.com/why-is-ageing-scary-522e984a9467)