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As Long As I'm Living, rebuilding our Happier Ever Afters after infant loss (SIDS)

As Long As I'm Living, rebuilding our Happier Ever Afters after infant loss (SIDS)

By Judith and Alina

Judith and Alina are long-distance friends and bereaved moms who lost sons to SIDS in 2021.

Each Monday, we chat life after infant loss. Raw episodes with lots of tears, hopeful episodes on the good days, episodes to help those supporting a griever, and interviews with loss parents and other experts in grief and trauma.

We started our podcast to document our journeys toward Happier Ever After and hope to provide support and connection for those who have lost a child to SIDS, stillbirth, TFMR, miscarriage, or any other type of baby loss. We’re sorry you need us, but we’re so glad you’re here!
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Bonus! Our Worst Episode Ever
Bonus! Our Worst Episode Ever
We thankfully had time to record a real episode for you later in the week, but this was our first attempt at this week's episode. It's BAD!!! Alina was sick and recording from bed, and for some reason both of our brains were not connected to our mouths. We're releasing this in case anyone needs a laugh, but we are fully aware this is our worst episode ever. If you want to listen to some better produced podcasts, take a look at our recommendations below! ::: As Long As I'm Living podcast recommendations! 1. Terrible, Thanks for Asking It’s a question we ask (and get asked) all the time: “How are you?” And normally we just respond with “Fine!” even if we’re totally dying inside, so everyone can go about their day. But it’s not always all that fine, is it? “Terrible, Thanks For Asking” is a show by author Nora McInerny that lets real people get real honest about how they’re really doing. It’s sometimes sad, sometimes funny, and almost always both. Start here: Sad Nora and the Secret Baby 2. The Worst Girl Gang Ever Miscarriage, infertility and baby loss podcast with Bex Gunn and Laura Buckingham.  Start here: Tahnee Knowles - Stillbirth and PAL 3. Guys and Grief Guys and Grief is geared toward fathers that have experienced pregnancy or infant loss. The guys share stories and challenges, as well as laughs and a few tears, as they navigate helping men honor their children, deal with grief, support their family, and try find better days ahead. Start here: Episode 1: Introduction (brand new podcast alert!!) 4. Sisters in Loss Sisters in Loss podcast spotlights faith filled black women who share their grief and loss stories and testimonies. Start here: Preeclampsia and Miscarriage and Helping Melinated Moms 5. The Silent Why Can hope be found in every type of loss? Join Claire Sandys (and sometimes Chris), a childless couple (not by choice), on a mission to find 101 different types of loss to see if it's possible to find hope, or even joy, in every type of grief. Start here: Loss of a Family, with Alina 6. Inside Trader Joe's A wildcard! Judith recommended this to Alina in one of their first conversations. Sometimes you need to listen to anything OTHER than baby loss. Every episode takes you Inside Trader Joe’s in a podcast series only Trader Joe's could deliver. Start here: It's About the Products
12:23
February 02, 2023
Flying Over Denver
Flying Over Denver
Today on As Long As I'm Living podcast, we're taking stock. How far are we on our journeys toward Happier Ever After, 2ish years since the deaths of our sons? We think we're somewhere over Denver. Or Mars. ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you! ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
32:45
January 30, 2023
Why Me?
Why Me?
Why did MY baby die, when so many others live? This is a question that we're sure all of you have asked yourselves at one point or another. We talk about our feelings on this topic and how they've evolved over the months since Aiden and Quinn died. ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you! ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
28:39
January 23, 2023
Live from DC! (Q&A Replay)
Live from DC! (Q&A Replay)
This week (1/18) marks the second anniversary of Quinn's death. To give Alina a break from editing, we're releasing this Instagram Live we did back in November when we were together in DC for our podcast anniversary! We talk about things like: How to deal with guilt Pregnancy after loss Our music taste and how it changed after our babies died Whether we'd be friends if we hadn't lost children ... and more! If you'd rather watch this live instead of listen, you can do that here! ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you! ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
41:57
January 16, 2023
Meet the Rainbow Baby* Doctor, an Interview with Pediatrician and Loss Mom Dr. Laura Arling
Meet the Rainbow Baby* Doctor, an Interview with Pediatrician and Loss Mom Dr. Laura Arling
Dr. Laura Arling is a Washington, DC-based pediatrician and mom of 3, including her first son, Remy, who died of a rare heart-related condition in his first year of life. She has built a practice around taking care of "rainbow baby* families" -- those who are parenting living children and have also experienced the death of at least one child. In this episode, we talk to her about the unique considerations she takes into account when treating the children of traumatized parents, and we ask the following questions, among others: How do you reassure parents who are behaving "irrationally" but rationally, given their background? What do you do when typical medical guidance and pediatric guidelines do not align with the needs of a particular family and their situation? Do you have any advice for supporting siblings after loss or for the parents parenting rainbow babies? How do you cope with taking care of "normal" (non-bereaved, overall healthy) families when you have had a medically complex child who eventually died? Finally, we know that many of you listening are not SIDS parents but worry about SIDS. We ask Dr. Arling directly for guidance for parents of alive infants so that they can prevent SIDS to the best of their ability. We are so grateful she agreed to come on the podcast! *We knew when we released this episode that "Rainbow Baby" is a controversial term, but we learned from our Instagram community that some actually find it offensive. We are leaving the episode title as is since it's the simplest way to encapsulate Dr. Arling's pediatric specialty, but please know that we don't think of any of your loved and lost babies as "storms." We'd encourage you to listen to the episode anyway, despite the title, and we do actually address the controversy of the term in the episode. Sending love to all of you! Xo, Alina and Judith. ::: Things we talk about in this episode: Laura's Washington Post article about breast milk donation Alina's Bummer Award ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you! ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
57:36
January 09, 2023
We Reject Our 2023 Horoscopes
We Reject Our 2023 Horoscopes
2023: You better not be as f***** up as our internet horoscopes suggest! Listen to this episode to hear what is allegedly in store for us next year. Are you as scared as we are? We reject these horoscopes and have decided to move forward with ease into the next year.  2022... thank you, next! ::: Things we talk about in this episode: - Happier New Year: last year's new year episode, where we talk 2021 and 2022 horoscopes - Judith's 2022 and 2023 yearly horoscopes! (Sagittarius) - Alina's 2022 and 2023 yearly horoscopes! (Capricorn) - Cafe Astrology horoscopes -- the ones that are slightly less terrifying ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you! ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
25:56
January 02, 2023
The One Where We Help Your Friends Help You
The One Where We Help Your Friends Help You
We get by with a little help from our friends, and now you can too! This is an episode designed for you -- a grieving person -- to share with your friends, so that they can learn how to support you better. We recap all of the tips, tricks, and lessons learned from our friends who graciously joined us on the podcast over the past few weeks, and we have also included a little glossary of other episodes of our podcast that would be helpful for grief supporters (links below). If you are the friend of a grieving person and you've arrived here... congratulations! You are a good friend. Either you found this on your own (wow!) or your grieving person wants to involve you in their life, as difficult as it is right now. We are honored to have you, and we validate your experience and know it is hard for you too. We hope you find this helpful. ::: The Friendship Series! Julia: The One Where Judith's Friendship Changed Leah: The One Where Alina Needed Help Rachel: The One Where Judith Apologizes Julia: The One Where Everyone Did the Best They Could Miriam: The One With a Friend Who Showed up ::: Other helpful episodes for friends of grievers: I Can't Imagine (what to say, what not to say) Gift Guide for Grievers (gifts and grief support tips) The Grief Button (visualizations of what grief feels like) Little Triggers Everywhere (what triggers are and how to avoid them) Wonder Woman (more on what not to say and why) Perfectly Normal (side effects of grief) ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you! ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
30:23
December 29, 2022
The One With a Friend Who Showed Up, an Interview with Judith's Friend Miriam
The One With a Friend Who Showed Up, an Interview with Judith's Friend Miriam
There's only a few people in the world you can ask to help edit your dead son's eulogy. For Judith, this person is Miriam. Their friendship was based on first boyfriends, late-night movies, and sneaking into hotel pools. Fifteen years later, life looks really different, but they're still just as close. Miriam found a way to help Judith carry Aiden's loss even though she never met him in person and this episode is a look at what it looks like when a friend gets it right. ::: Other episodes in the Friendship Series! Julia: The One Where Judith's Friendship Changed Leah: The One Where Alina Needed Help Rachel: The One Where Judith Apologizes Julia: The One Where Everyone Did the Best They Could ::: Things we talk about in this episode: - Rainbow Rings - Grief Needs a Witness, an Interview with Dr. Denise Mandel | ALAIL ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you! ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
53:56
December 26, 2022
The One Where Everyone Did the Best They Could, an Interview with Alina's Friend Julia
The One Where Everyone Did the Best They Could, an Interview with Alina's Friend Julia
The first thing Judith and Alina bonded over was the fact that they both had pregnant friends named Julia. A few weeks ago, you met "Judith's Julia" and today, we introduce you to "Alina's Julia" in the continuation of our friendships after loss series! Alina and Julia met a decade ago through Kaylee, who you all know as Quinn's other parent. They spent their twenties in deep conversation and big feelings, and for a while they were on the same track, marrying in 2017 and getting pregnant in 2020. Then... when Julia was 4.5 months pregnant with her first child, Alina's first child died and her marriage ended. The conversation in this episode is a raw, honest, and unflinching look at what deep friendship looks like after loss. Alina and Julia have not been able to be as close as they used to be, as their life circumstances and mental health issues trigger each other, but the love between them has not gone away (not even close). We hope that this episode is validating to the experience of loss parents and friends of loss parents alike. We are all doing the best we can. ::: Other episodes in the Friendship Series! Julia: The One Where Judith's Friendship Changed Leah: The One Where Alina Needed Help Rachel: The One Where Judith Apologizes Miriam: The One With a Friend Who Showed up ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you! ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
49:12
December 19, 2022
We Are Not Okay
We Are Not Okay
Just popping in with a reminder that no matter how much time has passed, our babies are still dead. Today is Aiden's birthday, so please send all the love you can spare to Judith and to Aiden in the stars.  ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you! ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
22:28
December 12, 2022
Medium
Medium
Have you ever considered seeking the services of a medium to connect with your baby after they died? Judith has! In fact, she booked this session in November... 2021. She has been trying to meet with this guy for over a year, and the moment has finally arrived! Did Aiden speak to Judith through the medium? Did we learn anything about his death? Are Aiden and Quinn friends in the stars? Listen to find out!  :::  To join in our fundraiser visit www.buymeacoffee/alailpodcast.  ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you! :::  As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
31:34
December 05, 2022
Will you do us a favor?
Will you do us a favor?
Hello hello from Judith and Alina, your As Long As I'm Living podcast hosts. We've been doing this podcast for a whole year now, and we LOVE it. L-O-V-E. It is truly a joy to bring you a new episode each week. That said, we are in this for the long haul, and we are realizing that we need to upgrade our recording equipment and editing platform. Will you help us? We are trying to put together $500. This will cover a year's worth of 2 things: 1. The pro version of the recording studio we use for our episodes. This will allow us to record separate tracks, which will hopefully eliminate the talking-over-each-other situation that is... honestly it is just a staple of As Long As I'm Living podcast at this point, but shouldn't be! There are also some other cool features that we're excited about, but the separate tracks is the big win. 2. The pro version of the audio editing tool that Alina uses to produce the episodes. This will drastically speed up her editing time, and the easier it is for Alina to edit, the longer we will be able to keep this podcast in the realm of "hobby" instead of "chore." You can click the link below to make a contribution to As Long As I'm Living podcast: https://www.buymeacoffee.com/alailpodcast THANK YOU for even considering this ask. If a financial contribution is not an option for you at this time, fear not, there are other ways for you to support us! First of all, please join us on Instagram! We have a thriving community over there, and we so enjoy engaging with podcast listeners in a more "two-sided" way. If you don't follow us over there already, hop on over to @aslongasimlivingpodcast and give us a follow! Lastly, we would so appreciate if you would leave us a rating and review on whichever platform you use to listen to podcasts. That could be Apple podcasts, Stitcher, Spotify... it doesn't matter! Any and all good reviews on any and all platforms will help us get into the ears of more loss parents, which is our main goal. Thank you, thank you, thank you! There will be a regular episode tomorrow.  ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you! ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
06:09
December 04, 2022
The One Where Judith Apologizes, an Interview with Judith's Friend Rachel
The One Where Judith Apologizes, an Interview with Judith's Friend Rachel
What you'll hear in this episode is a gut-wrenchingly honest conversation between Judith and her friend Rachel, who she hurt deeply after Aiden's death. We are guessing this will sound familiar to grievers and grief supporters alike. Rachel was not able to be there in the way Judith needed, and so Judith disappeared -- completely.  Grievers are jerks. It's just the truth! When you are going through the most excruciating pain and you are spending all of your energy on breathing minute to minute, you are likely not able to be the best, most communicative friend. We are so grateful to Rachel for not only hanging in there with Judith, but also for coming onto the podcast and sharing this raw portrait of friendship after loss. ::: Other episodes in the Friendship Series! Julia: The One Where Judith's Friendship Changed Leah: The One Where Alina Needed Help Julia: The One Where Everyone Did the Best They Could Miriam: The One With a Friend Who Showed up ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you! ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
56:12
November 28, 2022
Holiday Survival Guide
Holiday Survival Guide
'Tis the season... for losing our ever-loving minds. Listen to hear our tips for surviving major holidays and what our plans are/were for this season. We include tips for those of you who have decided to skip the holidays this year (what does that even mean??), folks who want to celebrate but need to set boundaries with themselves and their families, and people who will be participating in religious traditions. We hope this helps some of you navigate what can be the trickiest time of year. ::: Things we talk about in this episode: - Wishing You a Tolerable Thanksgiving | As Long As I'm Living ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you! ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
41:33
November 21, 2022
The One Where Alina Needed Help, an Interview with Alina's Friend Leah
The One Where Alina Needed Help, an Interview with Alina's Friend Leah
Meet Leah, a.k.a. Zia Leah (Aunt Leah), Alina's friend of 13 years. Alina and Leah met their freshman year of college, and they spent the following decade in various levels of connection but always in touch and with so much love. After Quinn's sudden death, Leah SHOWED UP for Alina in a way that many people couldn't. Listen to hear how she experienced the loss and what it feels to be the friend that someone is relying on so heavily. This is the second episode in a series we are doing talking about how friendships change after loss. ::: Other episodes in the Friendship Series! Julia: The One Where Judith's Friendship Changed Rachel: The One Where Judith Apologizes Julia: The One Where Everyone Did the Best They Could Miriam: The One With a Friend Who Showed up ::: Things we talk about in this episode: - Blown Away (Netflix) ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you! ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
50:08
November 14, 2022
The One Where Judith's Friendship Changed, an Interview with Judith's Friend Julia
The One Where Judith's Friendship Changed, an Interview with Judith's Friend Julia
Today's episode is the first in a new series talking about how friendships change after loss. Meet Julia, Judith's friend of 8 years. Judith and Julia's lives were always on the same track, personally and professionally, until Aiden's sudden death in March 2021 when Julia was newly pregnant with her first child, a son. Listen to hear how their friendship has evolved in the 1.5 years since Aiden died and where they think their friendship will go next. ::: Other episodes in the Friendship Series! Leah: The One Where Alina Needed Help Rachel: The One Where Judith Apologizes Julia: The One Where Everyone Did the Best They Could Miriam: The One With a Friend Who Showed up ::: Things we talk about in this episode: - Mothering a Grieving Mother, Interviews with our Moms | As Long As I'm Living - The Bottom | As Long As I'm Living ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you! ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
58:44
November 07, 2022
State of the Podcast (Happy anniversary to us!)
State of the Podcast (Happy anniversary to us!)
On November 4th, 2021, we released the very first episode of As Long As I'm Living podcast, just 3 days after the idea popped into our heads. Which means... drumroll... it's our anniversary week!  In this episode, we talk about the state of the podcast: what do we love about it, who works on which parts of it behind the scenes, how has life and our friendship changed since starting it, what is our exit plan, and so much more. THANK YOU to all of our listeners. We are so honored that you choose to spend some of your time each week with our voices in your ears. xo, Judith and Alina ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you! ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
37:20
October 31, 2022
Unheard Interviews from the Cutting Room Floor!
Unheard Interviews from the Cutting Room Floor!
Hello! We are behind... very behind. Our mental health has been suffering recently due to medical stuff (Alina) and an interminable series of high holidays (Judith), but what is a Monday morning without a new episode of As Long As I'm Living podcast!? Please enjoy some audio that we've held onto from past interviews for just such an occasion. In this episode, you'll hear the following: Jenn Su (Aeron's mom) talking about how most of the things people say to an early griever intending to provide comfort don't really land the way they're expecting. Katie Joy Duke (Poppy's mom) talking about her experience with compounding trauma after a recent cancer diagnosis.  Emy Collins (Bash's mom) talking about how making room for grief gets harder the further away you get from your loss.  The Sad Dads (Rob, Lila's Dad; Chris, Izzy's Dad; and Jay, Bella's Dad) joking about one of the most ridiculous questions people of child-bearing years face -- "Are you trying?" -- which of course particularly painful if you're facing infertility or have experienced a loss.  ::: Things we talk about in this episode: - Answers and Questions | As Long As I'm Living - Nora McInerny (@noraborealis) and Terrible, Thanks For Asking (@ttfapodcast) - Bad Vibes Only and Nora's other books - Sad Nora and the Secret Baby | Terrible, Thanks for Asking - Aeron's Foundation website and Instagram - I Can't Imagine | ALAIL - There Is No Moving On, an Interview with Jennifer Su, Aeron's Mom | ALAIL - Still Breathing book, Katie Joy Duke (@katiejoyduke) - Still Breathing, an Interview with Katie Joy Duke | ALAIL - Empty Arms website - Empty Arms, an Interview with Carol McMurrich | ALAIL - TFMR is Baby Loss, an Interview with Hadley's Mom Jill | ALAIL - Calamity, an Interview about Race and Infant Loss with Emy Collins, Bash's Mom | ALAIL - Sad Dads Club website - The Sad Dads Club | ALAIL - Father's Day Wishes from the Sad Dads | ALAIL
26:41
October 24, 2022
Dead Bodies Aren't Decorations
Dead Bodies Aren't Decorations
It's Spooky Season, and we're talking about Halloween decorations. Is everyone else in awe of the ridiculous amount of privilege on display each October in their neighborhood? Some of us have actually held our own child's dead body, and we have some strong words for these insensitive neighbors. (Including an open letter to a particularly offensive decorator in Judith's old neighborhood in L.A.) ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you! ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
30:04
October 17, 2022
What is Self Care, Actually?
What is Self Care, Actually?
In this episode, Alina and Judith talk self care. Not massages, manicures, and 5ks, but the simple things you can do on the days when you're not well. Go drink water! If you don't have a lot of time in your life for self care right now, this episode is still for you; Judith feels the same. ::: Things we talk about in this episode: - Loved Momma Fitness: Instagram, website, Recovery After Loss program - Wonder Woman | As Long As I'm Living ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you! ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
37:08
October 10, 2022
Bruised, Not Broken (featuring classic Judith & Alina rambles, and some updates on Alina's heart)
Bruised, Not Broken (featuring classic Judith & Alina rambles, and some updates on Alina's heart)
We released an episode with big news about Alina's health this week (NOT a pregnancy announcement), which you can listen to HERE. As we're sure you can imagine, this has been fairly all-consuming for us over the past month, and we are SICK OF IT. Thus, you are going to get this bonus episode about it, but after this, it will be back to regularly scheduled programming. We will -- of course -- talk about Alina's health going forward as we do everything going on in our lives, but this is the last episode we plan to dedicate to it. The beginning of this episode is some classic rambling from our scrambled egg brains. We talk about how infant loss affects a marriage, feelings surrounding dead baby birthday parties, religious questions after loss, and much more. The end of the episode is something we'll call Alina's Diary -- snippets here and there from the past month so that you can catch up on her feelings about the heart stuff in real time. Thank you for honoring her need for some privacy about this very tender topic. If you'd like to reach out, send us a message on Instagram or send us an email -- both are linked below. (No advice please, she has a team of the very best doctors who have her covered.) ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you! ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
32:45
October 06, 2022
Answers and Questions
Answers and Questions
Alina recently got Quinn's results from the Roberts Program, which was investigating his SIDS death to try to determine a root cause. They were worse than anyone was expecting. Listen to hear what caused Quinn's death, how it affects Alina's health, and some of her initial thoughts on this news. (Recorded September 2, 2022) Thank you for honoring my need for some privacy about this very tender topic. If you'd like to reach out, send me a message on Instagram or send us an email -- both are linked below. (No advice please, I have a team of the very best doctors who have me covered.) ::: Things we talk about in this episode: - SIDS, an Interview with Dr. Goldstein of the Roberts Program - Grief Needs a Witness, an Interview with Dr. Denise Mandel ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you! ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
25:07
October 03, 2022
A Rant About Paperwork
A Rant About Paperwork
Medical bills, death certificates, police reports, oh my! Just when you think you've seen it all after the death of your child, the paperwork starts rolling in. This episode is a straight up RANT about all of the freaking forms we've had to fill out since our sons died. So many, in fact, that Judith is on a first-name basis with the chief medical examiner for L.A. County.  It adds insult to injury, to have to write in plain text on form after form: Son (Deceased).  ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you! ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
26:12
September 26, 2022
Quinn is 2
Quinn is 2
Quinn turns 2 today, so I am releasing a short bonus episode. First, Judith and I talk together about this day, then I pay a special tribute to my very special boy. If you'd like to honor Quinn with us, please light a candle in his honor today. Thank you so much for being here and helping keep his memory alive. ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you!  :::  As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
17:56
September 22, 2022
Would You Rather?
Would You Rather?
A few weeks ago, we did an Instagram Live where we discussed some grief-specific Would You Rathers. It was so fun, that we thought we would turn it into a podcast episode! The second half is a replay of the Live, but the first half of this episode is brand new Would You Rathers. This episode is more lightly edited than normal due to it being Quinn's birthday week over here... enjoy listening to us riding the struggle bus. (By the way, we ride it every single episode; I just normally edit it out!) ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you! ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
31:05
September 19, 2022
Opening a Time Capsule
Opening a Time Capsule
Judith and Alina opened time capsules recently. For Alina, it was showing Judith a day-in-the-life video she made when Quinn was 3 months old: 35 minutes of feeding, laughing, snuggling, snow shoveling, cooking dinner, and all of the other things you do when you have a husband and a baby. For Judith, it was security footage from a trip her family took to the dog park four days before Aiden's death: 2 hours of silent running film capturing her and her husband and dog interacting with newborn baby Aiden, alive. In some ways, it felt like the first five minutes of a horror movie, but it also felt so incredibly special. There is something beautiful in the mundane, ordinariness of the lives we lived before.  ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you! ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
27:24
September 12, 2022
(Loss) Mom Guilt
(Loss) Mom Guilt
This week, we are talking Mom Guilt, and specifically Loss Mom Guilt. It's really hard to balance competing needs for your time when you have an alive child, and WOW is it even more challenging when you have a dead child. We discuss sharing our energy between alive and dead kids, comparing ourselves to other loss moms, and prioritizing our own health over our dead kids' "needs." ::: Things we talk about in this episode: Aiden is 1 | As Long As I'm Living ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you! ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
33:10
September 05, 2022
All About EMDR, an Interview with Trauma Therapist Rebecca Munini
All About EMDR, an Interview with Trauma Therapist Rebecca Munini
Alina has talked about EMDR a lot on the podcast, and today we are finally going to talk all about it with Rebecca Munini, Alina's trauma therapist! EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, and it is an evidence-based trauma treatment modality that changed Alina's life. Every week for a year, Alina sat in Rebecca's office and reprocessed the trauma of finding Quinn dead (...and many other things).  What is EMDR? What is trauma, how does it manifest in the body? How is trauma different than grief, and how can they intersect? What does the process of EMDR look like? Is EMDR right for me? How do I find an EMDR therapist? Rebecca answers these questions and more! You can find Rebecca here. ::: Things we talk about in this episode: - Francine Shapiro and the history of EMDR - "Traumatic grief is a sense-losing event..." - Glenda Dickonson ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you! ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
43:42
August 29, 2022
Perfectly Normal
Perfectly Normal
What is perfectly normal in grief? Pretty much everything. Listen as Alina and Judith chat about page 10 in Megan Devine's How To Carry What Can't Be Fixed (the companion journal to the MUST-READ It's OK That You're Not OK). This page covers some symptoms and side effects of grief, e.g. forgetting your keys, memory loss, digestion problems, and interpersonal issues.  What else is perfectly normal for you in grief? Check our Megan's hashtag #perfectlynormal or her Instagram account @refugeingrief for more! ::: Things we talk about in this episode: - Amateur Hour | As Long As I'm Living - Consolation Prize | As Long As I'm Living - Executive dysfunction, illustrated - Judith's sneakers: Pair 1 (not purchased), Pair 2 and Pair 3 (purchased) ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you! ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
23:55
August 22, 2022
Consolation Prize
Consolation Prize
Oof... this one is a doozy. This episode kicks off with a few minutes that Alina recorded on a bad, bad day. She felt loneliness, grief, despair, anger, and so many other things. Afterwards, Alina and Judith discuss these feelings, specifically how after your child dies, any other joy in your life can feel like a consolation prize. But is it? Is the joy we are able to feel sometimes now a cheap plastic consolation prize? Or have we somehow dug up some genuine gold from the ashes of our razed lives? Listen to hear our thoughts. ::: Things we talk about in this episode: - A Day in the Life of a Grieving Mom: Evening, Morning, and Night ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you! ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
24:01
August 15, 2022
Still Breathing, an Interview with Katie Joy Duke
Still Breathing, an Interview with Katie Joy Duke
In this episode, Judith and Alina are joined by memoirist and loss mama Katie Joy Duke. This is a thoughtful interview about the power of grief, healing, and connecting to our lost loved ones in the stars. Her daughter Poppy was stillborn in 2015, and she turned straight to the page to process her grief and found solace and meaning in the community that followed her journey. Just as her dreams of becoming a published author were coming true, she was diagnosed with Stage IV, metastatic breast cancer on March 18, 2022.  She is currently receiving chemotherapy and hopes to write her second memoir about her experience healing from yet another unexpected life challenge. She lives north of Seattle with her husband, daughter Moxie, and scruffy dog Wilson. She accesses power with yoga, serenity through meditation, and joy through song and dance. She believes that laughter is the best medicine, and vulnerability is her superpower. ::: We discuss suicide in this episode. If you are struggling with suicidal thoughts and think you may be a danger to yourself, please reach out immediately to the National Suicide Prevention hotline (800-273-8255) in the U.S. Linked here are additional resources in the United States. Linked here are resources for Canada. Linked here are resources for the U.K. Linked here are resources for Australia. Linked here are global resources. You are not alone. ::: Things we talk about in this episode: - Signs - Grief Needs a Witness, an Interview with Dr. Denise Mandel | As Long As I'm Living - Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep - Breath | Radiolab ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you! ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
45:18
August 08, 2022
Judith LIVE on I Was Supposed To Have a Baby
Judith LIVE on I Was Supposed To Have a Baby
Alina here! Our very own Judith went live on Instagram a few weeks ago with Aimee from I Was Supposed To Have a Baby to talk about Aiden's death, the immediate aftermath, and how her grief has evolved over time. When I say I was BEAMING watching this episode... that is an understatement. I am so proud of her for sharing so openly in such a large public forum. She honors Aiden's life and legacy beautifully, and she gives great concrete tips for grievers and those supporting grievers. You can actually WATCH this episode if you want to, and in fact I'd recommend it! Linked here. IWSTHAB is a well-loved account in the "dead baby Instagram" space (as we call it), and although their content is excellent and appropriate for people of all faiths, there is a particular focus on Judaism and the intersection of faith and infertility/loss. This is a great one to listen to (in addition to Crisis of Faith) if you have been curious how Judith's religion has impacted her grief process. Judith and Aimee do a good job of translating into English for those of us who may not know Hebrew, but if you are confused by words like shema, shomer, frum? I've got you covered. Click here for a glossary! ::: Things Judith talks about in this episode: - Our grief retreat - Ready or Not | As Long As I'm Living ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you! ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
01:07:56
August 05, 2022
I Can't Imagine
I Can't Imagine
In this episode, Alina and Judith give PRACTICAL advice about what to say to someone newly bereaved. They even give you a formula: 1. Express your condolences 2. Validate their feelings 3. Carry the loss with them Listen to the episode for specific examples of how to fill each of these buckets and hopefully provide a small amount of comfort to the griever. They also talk about what NOT to say, and don't worry if you've said any of these things... Judith and Alina have too. Just try to be better in the future! And remember, KEEP IT BRIEF!!!!!! :: Things we talk about in this episode: - Recipe for Alina's "gross bloody mary drink" (as Judith calls it) - Gift Guide for Grievers | As Long As I'm Living - Wonder Woman | As Long As I'm Living - Mothering a Grieving Mother, Interviews with Our Moms | As Long As I'm Living - Megan Devine: "So Don't Be So Sad" ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you! ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
38:37
August 01, 2022
The Crossover Day
The Crossover Day
Judith's daughter has officially outlived her son, Aiden. This episode is little bits of content we recorded here and there as The Crossover Day approached, and also some discussion about how she feels afterward. ::: Things we talk about in this episode: - Puppy Love | As Long As I'm Living ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you! ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
29:57
July 25, 2022
Green-Eyed Monster
Green-Eyed Monster
In this episode, Judith and Alina talk about the jealousy that has cropped up in their friendship over the past few months... and it's not in the direction you'd think it is. ::: Things we talk about in this episode: - Alina's interview on the Silent Why podcast ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you! ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
25:08
July 18, 2022
Grief Needs a Witness, an Interview with Dr. Denise Mandel
Grief Needs a Witness, an Interview with Dr. Denise Mandel
Alina and Judith are joined today for an interview with Dr. Denise Mandel!  Judith has been working with Dr. Mandel for the last 16 months since Aiden died, and we can't wait to bring her insight into the grief process and compassion for grievers to all of you. In this episode, we talk about what grief therapy looks like, what is normal in grief, when and how to seek help, and tons of other super helpful information for anyone new to grieving or supporting a griever. Dr. Mandel is a clinical psychologist and grief and loss expert who has been in private practice for 30 years. For the last 18 years since the sudden death of her own child, she has put a particular focus on the area of child loss. This includes working with individuals, couples, and families, and she also leads grief groups and teaches other facilitators to lead grief groups. It is deeply meaningful to her to help others on this difficult road figure out how to move forward in a way that honors their lost loved one and themselves. You can reach Dr. Mandel by email at griefwithdrdenise@gmail.com or on Instagram at @griefwithdrdenise. Click here for more information about Dr. Mandel's practice. ::: We discuss suicide in this episode. If you are struggling with suicidal thoughts and think you may be a danger to yourself, please reach out immediately to the National Suicide Prevention hotline (800-273-8255) in the U.S. Linked here are additional resources in the United States. Linked here are resources for Canada. Linked here are resources for the U.K. Linked here are resources for Australia. Linked here are global resources. You are not alone. ::: Things we talk about in this episode: - Aiden is 1 | As Long As I'm Living - Crisis of Faith | As Long As I'm Living - Grief Haven ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you! ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
43:40
July 11, 2022
Alive Baby!
Alive Baby!
An episode about feeling happy, recorded together in person! Alina came to DC to meet Judith's new baby girl. We talk parenting after loss, watching your friend have a new alive baby, grieving together in a marriage, and the complicated feelings we have about being happy. In case the title doesn't make it obvious, we do want to note that Judith's alive baby daughter is somewhat prominently featured in this episode, both in the content we discuss and in the background noises she makes. Definitely skip this one if that will be triggering. xo ::: Things we talk about in this episode: - Sad Dads Club | As Long As I'm Living - Grieving Together, an Interview with Aiden's Dad | As Long As I'm Living - Raw and real episodes: Alina's Bad Day, November 30th, December 1st, Into the Planets, Big Feelings, Happy Days ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you! ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
35:04
July 04, 2022
Abortion is Healthcare
Abortion is Healthcare
This is not the episode we had planned for this week, but we are outraged at today's Supreme Court decision to overrule Roe v. Wade and terrified for the wide-reaching effects it may have on many areas of reproductive health, including but not limited to: - elective termination - termination for medical reasons - miscarriages requiring D&C or D&E - fertility treatments like IVF - birth control As an infant loss account, we are particularly attuned to the devastation of those in the TFMR community today, knowing that they experienced both an infant loss and -- technically -- an abortion. We stand with any and everyone who has been or will be affected by this ruling, which is essentially every person with a uterus and many without. We are also sending love to those out there who are triggered by this news. We are carrying some of your pain with you. ::: Things we talk about in this episode: - Calamity, an Interview about Race and Infant Loss with Emy Collins, Bash's Mom - TFMR is Baby Loss, an Interview with Hadley's Mom, Jill ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you! ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
28:04
June 27, 2022
Calamity, an Interview about Race and Infant Loss with Emy Collins, Bash's Mom
Calamity, an Interview about Race and Infant Loss with Emy Collins, Bash's Mom
Today on the podcast, we are going to be talking race, and specifically how race is unfortunately a factor in maternal and fetal health outcomes. We are joined by Emy Collins, whose child Bash died at 15 days old in 2018 after an extraordinarily medically mismanaged pregnancy, delivery, and NICU stay. If Emy's is one of the only stories you've heard from a Black birthing person in the infant loss space, well, that makes sense, because the voices in this space are overwhelmingly white. You might also be tempted to dismiss her story as anecdotal, but the numbers don't lie. The national maternal mortality rate in the U.S. – death of a person during their pregnancy or within one year of delivery from causes related to the pregnancy – for white birthing people is 12.7 per 100,000 live births (0.0127%). Black birthing people die at a rate of 40.8 per 100,000 live births (0.0408%). This means a Black pregnant person is 3.2 times more likely to die. The national infant mortality rate in the U.S. – death of an infant that was born alive before their first birthday – for white babies is 4.6 per 1,000 live births (0.46%). Black babies die at a rate of 10.8 per 1,000 live births (1.08%). This means a Black infant is 2.3x more likely to die. There are myriad social and economic factors driving these abysmal health outcomes for Black people, but it is crucial to be aware that historic and ongoing racism and discrimination also drive these outcomes. Emy refers to this as a calamity, and we couldn't agree more.  Every Mother Counts has a great list of additional resources here, and organizations like Black Mamas Matter are working on these issues, but we have a long way to go. Emy is @theaudacityofloss on Instagram. ::: Things we talk about in this episode: - Juneteenth - TFMR is Baby Loss, an Interview with Hadley's Mom Jill | As Long As I'm Living podcast - NEC: necrotizing enterocolitis - Sisters in Loss - Black Mamas Matter - Empty Arms - Emy's (FREE) POC support group through Empty Arms - Fridamom ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
01:02:17
June 20, 2022
Father's Day Wishes from the Sad Dads Club
Father's Day Wishes from the Sad Dads Club
In this episode, the Sad Dads take some time to talk about Father's Day as a bereaved dad. They have some wonderful words of wisdom, and we think any bereaved parent will relate to their feelings about this sensitive day. Listen all the way to the end for some bonus content from all 5 of us! We (Judith and Alina) and the Sad Dads (Jay, Chris, and Rob) are wishing all of our listeners a gentle Father's Day. You can find the Sad Dads on Instagram @sad.dads.club or online at saddadsclub.com. Other resources for sad dads: Dads Still Standing podcast, Still Parents podcast, TFMR papas, GrievingDads.com, Partners Grieve Too (RTZ Hope), /r/Daddit thread about infant loss. ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you! ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
22:43
June 19, 2022
The Sad Dads Club
The Sad Dads Club
It's Father's Day week, and while our listeners know we have a LOT to say, being a loss father is not a topic we feel qualified to speak on. Enter the Sad Dads! Rob, Chris, and Jay are three friends living in Maine who lost their daughters Lila, Izzy, and Bella to stillbirth. They quickly formed a deep bond over beers and tears, and, from the ashes of stillbirth, the Sad Dads Club was born. Since then, they have welcomed 5 happy, healthy living kids into the world. They have also met and bonded with other Sad Dads, and together they're navigating life after one of the most extraordinarily painful experiences that a parent can endure. It’s the worst club in the world, but the membership is the best. We (Judith and Alina) have deliberately kept our voices out of this episode for the most part. We want to take a step back and center dads this week. We have another episode with the Sad Dads coming for you on Sunday: Father's Day. You can find the Sad Dads on Instagram @sad.dads.club or online at saddadsclub.com. Other resources for sad dads: Dads Still Standing podcast, Still Parents podcast, TFMR papas, GrievingDads.com, Partners Grieve Too (RTZ Hope), /r/Daddit thread about infant loss. ::: Things we talk about in this episode: - Dads Still Standing podcast - Dopey Podcast (and the episode about Chris's death, here) ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you! ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
48:04
June 13, 2022
Signs
Signs
What do an owl, a rainbow, and Andy Grammer's brother-in-law have in common? They are all signs that either Judith or Alina has encountered since their sons died last year. Listen to this episode to hear more about signs from their babies... thank you Aiden and Quinn! ::: Things we talk about in this episode: @iwassupposedtohaveababy (Instagram) Crisis of Faith | As Long As I'm Living Our Interview with Jill, Hadley's Mom | As Long As I'm Living ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you! ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
33:01
June 06, 2022
A Picture Is Not the Same As Being Together
A Picture Is Not the Same As Being Together
Photos and videos are woefully inadequate substitution for your living breathing baby, but they are all that is left after they die. In this episode, Judith and Alina talk about the photos and videos they have of Aiden and Quinn. What is it like to look at them? How do they feel about sharing them with others? How did they choose which ones got printed for the walls in their homes? And of course: the dreaded phone lock screen... This is something we are super curious to hear others' thoughts on... please visit us on Instagram (linked below) and let us know how you feel! ::: Things we talk about in this episode: - Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you! ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
39:49
May 30, 2022
Bonus! Amateur Hour
Bonus! Amateur Hour
This episode is a peek into what recording As Long As I'm Living podcast is really like. Spoiler: it's a hot mess. There are internet issues, devices running out of charge, distractions, and so much more nonsense. This is not unusual, Alina just normally edits it out before we release the episodes for all of you. In this episode, we *try* to talk about the physical side effects of grief, but we're releasing it as a bonus today because despite there being some interesting content in there, we will absolutely be recording a more useful, polished version of this some time soon that will probably cover some of the same information. We do have some announcements and fun chatter in the beginning, so we hope you still enjoy it! ::: Things we talk about in this episode: - Mothering a Grieving Mother, Interviews With Our Moms | As Long As I'm Living - Start Healing Together, an Interview with Jackie Mancinelli, Richard's Mom | As Long As I'm Living - There Is No Moving On, an Interview with Jennifer Su, Aeron's Mom | As Long As I'm Living - TFMR Is Baby Loss, an Interview with Jill, Hadley's Mom | As Long As I'm Living - Our first grief retreat - How to Carry What Can't Be Fixed: A Journal For Grief, Megan Devine ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you! ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
25:21
May 27, 2022
There Is No Moving On, an Interview with Jennifer Su, Aeron's Mom (Returning to Work: Part 2)
There Is No Moving On, an Interview with Jennifer Su, Aeron's Mom (Returning to Work: Part 2)
Dr. Jennifer Su is a pediatric cardiologist and the mother of her beloved son Aeron, who died of SIDS in February 2018.  Judith and Alina have... well.... dumb jobs. They both have been able to give themselves the grace to be bad at their jobs in the aftermath of their sons' deaths, but Jenn and her husband, a pediatrician, did not have that option as their jobs are life and death. How did they "move on" from the loss and return to work again? The answer is: they didn't. Loss colors everything.  This is the second of our two-episode Return to Work series. Click here for our interview with Jackie Mancinelli, an educator and the founder of Start Healing Together. ::: Things we talk about in this episode: Aeron's Foundation Charlie's Kids - safe sleep advocacy Aeron in the Sky ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you! ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
43:54
May 23, 2022
Start Healing Together, an Interview with Jackie Mancinelli, Richard's Mom (Returning to Work: Part 1)
Start Healing Together, an Interview with Jackie Mancinelli, Richard's Mom (Returning to Work: Part 1)
Jackie Mancinelli is the founder and senior advocate for Start Healing Together, an organization by teachers and for teachers that provides information, instruction, and support to help alleviate the stigmas surrounding pregnancy loss and infertility. Their goal is trifold: to make members aware of their rights, to offer emotional support, and to direct them to helpful resources.  Jackie and her husband suffered a missed miscarriage in 2014 and then lost their son, Richard, in 2016 after an emergency delivery. They now have two "rainbow" daughters. Part of Jackie's grieving process focuses on finding a way to honor her son in a way that helps other loss families. She hopes to support other educators like herself while helping to break the stigmas surrounding loss and infertility. Additionally, Jackie is the New Jersey ambassador for Count the Kicks, a non-profit focused on ending preventable stillbirth by educating healthcare providers and expecting parents about accurate kick counting. Today is Richard's 6th birthday! Please join us in wishing him a happy birthday and honoring Jackie's motherhood today. If anyone wants to share their story with Jackie, please visit the Start Healing Together website (linked below). They are always accepting submissions! This is the first of two episodes we are releasing about returning to work. Check back next week for our interview with Dr. Jennifer Su, a pediatric cardiologist and the founder of Aeron's Foundation. ::: Things we talk about in this episode: Massachusetts Paid Family Medical Leave Start Healing Together website Start Healing Together Instagram Tommy's UK The Worst Girl Gang Ever Empty Arms, an Interview with Carol McMurrich Evermore ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you! ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
43:17
May 16, 2022
Butyrylcholinesterase
Butyrylcholinesterase
A recently released study has found a link between the biomarker Butyrylcholinesterase (BChE) and SIDS. What does this mean? How do we feel about it? Listen to find out. If you'd rather watch us have this conversation, click here. ::: Things we talk about in this episode: Butyrylcholinesterase is a potential biomarker for Sudden Infant Death Syndrome As Long As I'm Living: SIDS, an Interview with Dr. Goldstein of the Roberts Program As Long As I'm Living: Parental Grief, an Interview with Dr. Goldstein of the Roberts Program ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you! ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
17:16
May 14, 2022
We Survived
We Survived
We survived Mother's Day! This is a quick little bonus episode of Judith and Alina chatting while they open their mother's day gifts to each other. Our main episode this week was released yesterday, and it is a great one. We somehow convinced our mothers to come on the podcast and give their thoughts on what it's like to mother a grieving mother.  Click here to listen: Mothering a Grieving Mother, Interviews with Our Moms ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you!  ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
08:21
May 09, 2022
Mothering a Grieving Mother, Interviews with Our Moms
Mothering a Grieving Mother, Interviews with Our Moms
Meet the Moms behind the Loss Moms! Judith's mom, Marlene, and Alina's mom, Michele, were gracious enough to be interviewed for a very special Mother's Day episode about what it's like to mother a grieving mother and an outside perspective on how the loss of a child affects his mother.  We think this episode is a fascinating example of how different people respond to the "same" loss. ::: Things we talk about in this episode: - Blown Away (Netflix) ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you! ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
01:14:04
May 08, 2022
TFMR Is Baby Loss, an Interview with Hadley's Mom Jill
TFMR Is Baby Loss, an Interview with Hadley's Mom Jill
Meet Jill. She's the mom of Hadley Maeve, one of baby Quinn's friends in the stars. At Jill's routine anatomy scan, she and her husband Eric were given the devastating news that Hadley had not just one but three life-limiting conditions that would lead to extraordinary suffering from birth onward, if she survived that long. They made the decision to take that pain on themselves and interrupt the pregnancy, and Jill gave birth to Hadley a few days later. They were able to spend a few beautiful moments together before she passed, which you will hear about in the episode. Jill and her husband are grateful to live in Massachusetts, where it is legal to terminate a pregnancy up to 24 weeks of gestation. If they did not, or if Roe v. Wade were overturned, they would have been forced to, at best, travel out of state and pay out of pocket for this necessary healthcare, or at worst, carry Hadley to term only to watch her suffer. Today -- May 4th, 2022 -- is the very first TFMR (Termination for Medical Reasons) Awareness Day. Here at As Long As I'm Living, we know that TFMR is baby loss, TFMR is obstetric care, TFMR is birth, and TFMR is not actually that uncommon.  We stand with all people who have made or will ever make the choice to end a pregnancy, and we hold especially close to our hearts those like Jill and Eric who had to make the "choice" when their pregnancy was very, very wanted.  ::: Things we talk about in this episode: - TFMR Awareness Day - Rhombencephalosynapsis, aqueductal stenosis, and ventriculomegaly - Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep - Empty Arms - TFMR Mamas ::: Other resources for TFMR parents: - Time to Talk TFMR podcast - TFMR Papas - TGN Therapy instagram - Petals Charity (UK) ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you! ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
43:01
May 04, 2022
Happy Days
Happy Days
Alina and Judith are recovering from a couple of happy events that sent them reeling. Everyone knows that the bad days are bad, but sometimes the hardest days are the ones that are supposed to be happy.  ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you! ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
30:21
May 02, 2022
Live From Boston
Live From Boston
Hi friends! We weren't able to get our act together to record anything new for you this week, so we are throwing it back to December when we did an Instagram live answering listener questions! Some of this will sound familiar, as we've talked about it in other places, but some of it is new. If you'd like to watch this content instead of listen, you can watch the live video recording here: As Long As I'm Living - Live From Boston! We have LOTS of good things recorded and scheduled for the next few weeks, so stay tuned :)  ::: Things we talk about in this episode: Feeling Herd, Judith's cow hugging article in The Atlantic Instagram live recording: As Long As I'm Living - Little Triggers Everywhere Full episode: As Long As I'm Living - Little Triggers Everywhere (we share Judith's grief confession in this episode!) How we met: As Long As I'm Living - Wishing You a Tolerable Thanksgiving Our grief retreat Alina's supermarket adventure: As Long As I'm Living - Alina's Bad Day More Q&A: As Long As I'm Living - Q&A ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you! ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
21:06
April 25, 2022
Marketing After Loss, an Interview with Elizabeth Minton
Marketing After Loss, an Interview with Elizabeth Minton
Judith and Alina are joined by Elizabeth Minton, a researcher and professor at the University of Wyoming whom they met last summer as participants in her most recent study. In this episode, we chat about the horrors of marketing after you've lost a baby. Those incessant Similac mailers, the targeted ads for the baby bouncer you googled that one time, the happy families in every commercial on TV. Is there anything companies can do to make this easier on bereaved parents? And if there is, is it in their best interest to do so, even if it costs more? Listen to find out Elizabeth's thoughts. Elizabeth studies pro-social marketing, religion and consumer behavior, and priming and cuing theory. She is also Solomon's mom -- her sweet baby boy died in January 2021 at 3 weeks old. A couple of companies seem to be doing things differently this year... OpenTable and Etsy are offering opt-outs of Mother's Day promotional marketing! A step in the right direction. More on this here. ::: Things we talk about in this episode: - Elizabeth's faculty page - Elizabeth's research - Mothers with Empty Arms: Marketing, Stigma, and Bereaved Mothers (extended abstract) (We will link the full paper once it's published!) The following organizations are funding Elizabeth's current research: - The Star Legacy Foundation - The Transformative Consumer Research Organization ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you! ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
44:35
April 18, 2022
Big Feelings
Big Feelings
Judith gave birth to an alive baby last week, and we are not shocked to realize that everything isn't magically better. She is feeling all of the joy and love for her new baby daughter, and all of the grief and loss and love for her son. Alina also talks about how she feels watching Judith hold an alive baby.  We use something called The Feelings Wheel, by Gloria Willcox, to drill down into the various things we are feeling right now. Link below and on Instagram! This episode could be triggering for some; we understand if you need to skip it.  ::: Things we talk about in this episode: The Feelings Wheel Baby Girl's Instagram announcement (with photos!) ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you! ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
29:11
April 15, 2022
Crisis of Faith
Crisis of Faith
Alternate title: An Atheist and a Jew Walk Into a Cemetery! Alina and Judith discuss how their faith, or lack thereof, has changed since Quinn and Aiden died last year. This topic has been on our list for a while, and we had so much to say about it! We hope you enjoy this extra-long episode. Confused about any of the Hebrew words we tossed around? Got you covered. Click here! ::: Things we talk about in this episode: Loss in the Time of Corona - As Long As I'm Living The Audacity of Hope - As Long As I'm Living ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you! ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
46:52
April 11, 2022
Maybe Baby? (Spoiler: Baby!)
Maybe Baby? (Spoiler: Baby!)
Listen to 20 minutes of Alina and Judith chatting about the past few weeks -- full of grief attacks, excitement, anxiety, joy -- while Judith has contractions. Is the baby coming TODAY? Spoiler: she was born, and she's alive! ::: Things we talk about in this episode: Empty Arms Syrup Stampede 5k ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you! ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
20:09
April 11, 2022
Ready or Not
Ready or Not
Alina and Judith sit down to have a chat about how Judith's new baby will change their relationship, because ready or not, she's coming soon. ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you! ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
30:57
April 04, 2022
Parental Grief, an Interview with Dr. Goldstein of the Roberts Program
Parental Grief, an Interview with Dr. Goldstein of the Roberts Program
In this week's episode, Judith and Alina continue their interview with Dr. Goldstein of the Roberts Program and learn all about his research in parental bereavement. They also ask him listener questions. Dr. Richard Goldstein is a pediatric palliative care pediatrician who devotes his career to helping families who must deal with the sudden unexpected death of their child. He has worked in general pediatrics, palliative care, bereavement support, and advocacy for families affected by sudden unexplained death. He brings his experience and clinical expertise to the families involved in Robert’s Program, while leading efforts in research and improvements in the field - Dr. Goldstein's role is the Program Director of Robert’s Program and he serves as the direct interface to families. Listen to our first episode with Dr. Goldstein here: https://open.spotify.com/episode/4MIsfsn6nAr0Ie5Ig35siq?si=oEUpX7eEReKCX9eB0w96ZQ&utm_source=copy-link ::: Transitional Objects of Grief The Grief of Mothers After the Sudden Unexpected Death of Their Infants The Roberts Program at Boston Children's Hospital Dr. Richard Goldstein and his work Infant health monitors (not linking, please do your own research): Owlet, Snuza ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you! ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
35:50
March 28, 2022
SIDS, an Interview with Dr. Goldstein of the Roberts Program
SIDS, an Interview with Dr. Goldstein of the Roberts Program
In this interview, Judith and Alina talk with their sons' doctor, Dr. Goldstein of the Roberts Program for Unexpected Death in Pediatrics at Boston Children's Hospital, to learn more about SIDS. This episode feels very important to us. Some of you following have been touched by SIDS in your life, others have not, but regardless, this episode is for everyone who has or will ever love a baby. Please listen. Dr. Richard Goldstein is a pediatric palliative care pediatrician who devotes his career to helping families who must deal with the sudden unexpected death of their child. He has worked in general pediatrics, palliative care, bereavement support, and advocacy for families affected by sudden unexplained death. He brings his experience and clinical expertise to the families involved in Robert’s Program, while leading efforts in research and improvements in the field - Dr. Goldstein's role is the Program Director of Robert’s Program and he serves as the direct interface to families. Listen to oursecond episode with Dr. Goldstein here: https://open.spotify.com/episode/0oHLQdyxztxLo2Hk2I2bal?si=RRDLgt8MSIqKvxtWoEk4kw&utm_source=copy-link ::: Things we talk about in this episode: The Roberts Program at Boston Children's Hospital Dr. Richard Goldstein and his work Dr. Joel Bass and their work on SIDS Dr. Nino Ramirez and their work on postnatal collapse Dr. Robin Haynes and their work on the link between serotonin and SIDS SIDS: Recommendations for a Safe Sleep Environment ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you! ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
40:59
March 21, 2022
Loss in the Time of Corona
Loss in the Time of Corona
In this episode, Alina and Judith recognize the two-year anniversary COVID-19 hitting the US in March of 2020 by talking about the realities -- good and bad -- of loss in lockdown. ::: Things we talk about in this episode: Empty Arms, an Interview with Carol McMurrich ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you! ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
28:05
March 14, 2022
Q&A! Mommy Wars, Baby Names, and More
Q&A! Mommy Wars, Baby Names, and More
Why does Judith move so much? How did you pick your babies' names? What's the best and worst thing about having a podcast? How can I find a grief partner or community? We answer these questions and more... taken from a question box on our Instagram story. Do you have a question we didn't answer? Send us a message! ::: Things we talk about in this episode: Our Instagram! Follow us please! The Robert's Program for Unexplained Infant Death Alina's interview on The Silent Why ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you. ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
37:24
March 08, 2022
Baby Grievers
Baby Grievers
Alina and Judith each had 29 years of "normalcy" before their sons died, so at just one year in, they are baby grievers in the grand scheme of things. In this episode, Judith talks about Aiden's approaching death anniversary, and they give themselves a round of applause for surviving a whole year. ::: Things we talk about in this episode: Rainbow Rings model of grief Baby Grievers instagram post, @aslongasimlivingpodcast Wonder Woman, As Long As I'm Living ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you. ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
25:43
March 07, 2022
Empty Arms, an Interview with Carol McMurrich
Empty Arms, an Interview with Carol McMurrich
Carol McMurrich is the founder and director of Empty Arms Bereavement Support in western Massachusetts, and she is also a mom of 5. Her first daughter, Charlotte Amelia, died during labor in 2003, and she went on to have 4 more living children. She is one of the first people Alina reached out to after Quinn died, and she met her with an extraordinary amount of compassion and care.  In this interview, we talk about how to support the newly bereaved, discuss common threads Carol has witnessed throughout over a decade of working with bereaved parents, and reflect on support groups and their important purpose in the grief process. A content note: this episode does not contain anything more explicit about infant death than our normal podcast fare. But, if you would like to hear more of Carol and Charlotte's backstory, we've released it as a separate episode. Please take good care of yourself and know that if you would find discussion of the circumstances of Charlotte's birth too triggering, we honor your needs and ask that you skip that episode and only listen to this one. Judith, Alina, and Carol all understand the importance of setting boundaries around what comes into your eyes and ears after loss. Empty Arms provides education for healthcare providers, offers support in the hospital setting for newly bereaved parents, and continues with ongoing support as parents integrate the loss into their lives. Ongoing support groups include infant loss, miscarriage and early pregnancy loss, termination for medical reasons (TFMR), twin loss (while parenting a surviving twin), infertility and loss, pregnancy after loss, parenting after loss, support for dads and non-gestational partners, and a brand new group for people of color in the Springfield, MA area in recognition of the unique challenges faced by this demographic. Click here to learn more about Empty Arms! Thank you all for listening! You can reach Carol at emptyarmsbereavement@gmail.com. ::: Click to hear Carol's other episode: Charlotte's Story ::: Things we talk about in this episode: As Long As I'm Living - The Episode Is Stuffed! Empty Arms support group and events calendar Alina and Quinn's story for Empty Arms Click here to support Team Quinn at the Syrup Stampede fundraiser for Empty Arms ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you. ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
42:51
February 28, 2022
Charlotte's Story, As Told By Her Mom, Carol
Charlotte's Story, As Told By Her Mom, Carol
In May of 2003, Carol McMurrich was due any day with her first child, a daughter. Sadly, her introduction to motherhood wasn't as blissful as you might expect, because her daughter, Charlotte Amelia, died during labor. Listen to this bonus episode to hear Charlotte's story, and to hear some background on why Carol was moved to found Empty Arms Bereavement Support a few years later to help parents survive the unsurvivable. A content note: this episode contains more explicit discussion of infant death than our normal podcast fare, which is why we have released it as a second bonus episode. Please take good care of yourself and know that if you would find the circumstances of Charlotte's death during labor too triggering, we honor your needs and ask that you skip this one and only listen to the more typical interview with Carol, which is linked below. Judith, Alina, and Carol all understand the importance of setting boundaries around what comes into your eyes and ears after loss. Thank you all for listening! You can reach Carol at emptyarmsbereavement@gmail.com. ::: Click to hear Carol's other episode: Empty Arms, an Interview with Carol McMurrich ::: Things we talk about in this episode: Empty Arms Bereavement Support Alina and Quinn's story for Empty Arms Click here to support Team Quinn at the Syrup Stampede fundraiser for Empty Arms ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you. ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
24:31
February 28, 2022
The Starling
The Starling
The Starling is the only piece of media out there that features a SIDS death, so Judith and Alina wanted to see what all the fuss is about. Spoiler: they didn't like it. They also talk about the way grief and loss are portrayed in the media in general. The good, the bad, and the ugly. SPOILERS for And Just Like That... (HBO), The Starling (Netflix), and WandaVision (Disney+) ahead. ::: Things we talk about in this episode: And Just Like That... | new Sex and the City reboot The Starling | Netflix original movie starring Chris O'Dowd and Melissa McCarthy What is grief, if not love persevering? | clip from Wandavision ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you. ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
30:40
February 21, 2022
Puppy Love
Puppy Love
Judith and Alina talk about the magnitude of love they feel for Aiden and for Quinn. Is it just puppy love? Will they feel more deeply for their other (hopefully living) children? They also talk a little about the other kind of puppy love... love for their pups! Special shoutout to Judith's dog, Rosie, and Alina's cats, Miguel and Tulio. Stay tuned to the end of the episode for a special treat: Judith accidentally recorded an hour of her and her dog at the dog park, from her pocket. We put a couple of minutes in here for you because it's so darn cute. Note: despite the title, we do not talk about romantic love at all in this episode. If you need a break from Valentine's Day content, we are here for you! ::: Things we talk about in this episode: Peeking Out of the Hole -- As Long As I'm Living ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you. ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
38:06
February 14, 2022
Grieving Together, an Interview with Aiden's Dad
Grieving Together, an Interview with Aiden's Dad
We have another very special guest episode for you! While Alina was in DC, we somehow managed to convinced Aiden's dad (Judith's husband) to sit down and chat with us about what it's like to grieve as a married couple and how it feels to live in a world that barely even acknowledges bereaved moms and tends to leave dads out of the picture. Alina and Judith grieve in similar ways, but Aiden's dad grieves very differently. If you hear us ramble on this podcast about our feelings for an hour a week and absolutely can't relate, this episode is for you! (Although we would argue it's for everyone.) ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you. ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
41:50
February 07, 2022
Peeking Out of the Hole
Peeking Out of the Hole
Judith and Alina record an episode together in DC! They talk about what it feels like to be just sliiiiiiiightly off the bottom, peeking over the top of the hole they dropped into last winter when their sons died. ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you. ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
38:49
January 31, 2022
One Year of Grief
One Year of Grief
In honor and recognition of the anniversary of Quinn's death, Alina (and Judith) reflect on what one year of grief, Year 1 of Grief, has looked like.  ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you. ::: Things we talk about in this episode: - Alina's One Year of Grief instagram video - Rings model for grief support, Susan Silk and Barry Goldman ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
38:00
January 24, 2022
The Cutting Room Floor
The Cutting Room Floor
This is a big hard week (in a big hard month in a big hard year) for Alina, so we're taking a break from regular episodes so that she can focus on remembering Quinn and taking care of herself. Please enjoy some audio that we've held onto from past episodes! We love this content and are glad it is going to see the light of day. ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you. ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
18:26
January 17, 2022
The Grief Button
The Grief Button
How would you describe grief to an outsider? Is it a button in a box? Is it a series of rainbow rings? Is it balls in jars of various sizes? Is it 5 stages? We discuss some of the most common visualizations for grief and decide which is our favorite. We also talk some more about Alina's hard month, and Judith orders Alina dinner.  ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you. ::: Things we talk about in this episode: - Megan Devine's repost of our instagram! - Stages of Grief model, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross - Growing Around Grief (Ball in Jar) model, Lois Tonkin - Growing Around Grief (Rainbow) model, adapted from Lois Tonkin - Ball and Grief Button in Box model, Lauren Herschel - Rings model for grief support, Susan Silk and Barry Goldman ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
31:54
January 10, 2022
Into the Planets
Into the Planets
Judith and Alina discuss the preparation they've done in the past for hard days. They also look ahead to January, which will be a very challenging month for Alina in particular, and she expects to disappear into the planets soon, as Judith calls it. Send food! ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you. ::: Things we talk about in this episode: Donate to Empty Arms Bereavement Support in Quinn's name Empty Arms Website Robert's Program for Unexpected Death in Childhood ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
45:48
January 03, 2022
Happier New Year!
Happier New Year!
Just for fun, Judith (a Sagittarius) and Alina (a Capricorn) take a look back at their horoscopes from 2021, and look ahead at 2022. Wishing all of our listeners a happier new year. ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you. ::: Things we talk about in this episode: - Judith's 2021 and 2022 yearly horoscopes! - Alina's 2021 and 2022 yearly horoscopes!  - Alina's Grieving Mary recipe ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
19:49
December 31, 2021
Meet Kaylee, an Interview with Quinn's (other) parent
Meet Kaylee, an Interview with Quinn's (other) parent
You may know her as Chloe, but she is here to introduce her REAL self! Meet Kaylee: Alina's ex-husband, current wife, soon to be ex-wife, and Quinn's (other) parent. Even though she and Alina lost the same baby and the same marriage, their perspectives are very different. Listen to her share about the losses she's experienced this year and the challenges of transitioning while in the throes of grief. We think she has a lot to add, and we were so happy to give her a chance to talk about her life the past year.  Baby loss is sad. Divorce is sad. This episode is sad. But Kaylee has a lot of really wonderful insight, and we hope you enjoy this episode as much as we enjoyed recording it.  You can follow Kaylee on Instagram @kayleecodes0! ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you. ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
36:35
December 27, 2021
Little Triggers Everywhere
Little Triggers Everywhere
Let's talk triggers! What are they? What does it feel like to be triggered? Can they be avoided? We share some real life examples and laugh about how ridiculous they probably sound to outsiders. Enjoy! We recorded some of this episode live on our instagram, so make sure to go check that out if you want to see us struggle to use technology! Ha. Linked here! ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you. ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
36:03
December 20, 2021
This Episode is Stuffed
This Episode is Stuffed
What are you supposed to do with your dead baby's stuff? Judith and Alina have a LOT of thoughts about this topic. A LOT OF THOUGHTS. This is a long one! Content note: in this episode we touch on the circumstances of our sons' deaths for a minute or two. If mention of CPR on an infant, finding a dead body, or anything of the like would be too triggering for you, this might be a good one to skip. ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you. ::: Things we talk about in this episode: Mother's Milk Bank Northeast ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
50:23
December 13, 2021
Aiden is 1
Aiden is 1
Today is Aiden's first birthday. Listen to a note from Judith and hear how her family celebrated him this year. ::: Things we talk about in this episode: Maker Girl Save the Music Single Moms Planet Yad Eliezer Feeding Babies Oceans Initiative Save the Dolphins ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
18:56
December 12, 2021
December 1st
December 1st
Everything went smoothly (well, as smoothly as possible) for Judith on November 30th. But for some reason she doesn't actually feel that much better? It's probably because her son is still dead. Note: lots of discussion of Judith's current pregnancy and her anxiety about it. Please take care of yourself if this content is too triggering for you right now. ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you. ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
24:35
December 06, 2021
November 30th
November 30th
On November 30th, Judith had the anatomy scan for her current pregnancy. She also moved. It was also her son Aiden's Hebrew birthday. And the last day of income for her family from her husband's lost job. It was a big, hard day. Note: lots of discussion of Judith's current pregnancy and her anxiety about it. Please take care of yourself if this content is too triggering for you right now. ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you. ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
23:39
December 06, 2021
Gift Guide for Grievers
Gift Guide for Grievers
Sending a care package to someone newly bereaved, or trying to buy a gift for your grieving loved one this holiday season? Listen for our recommendations for things that will be used and appreciated. ::: Judith's Aiden necklace Em and Friends Empathy Cards Alina's favorite pajamas Alina's favorite candle Judith's watercolor set Option B, Sheryl Sandberg Untamed, Glennon Doyle It's OK That You're Not OK, Megan Devine How To Carry What Can't Be Fixed, Megan Devine You Are Not Alone, Emily Long Quinn's memory box
39:52
December 03, 2021
Wonder Woman
Wonder Woman
Your grieving loved ones are so brave and so strong. But maybe don't tell them that? Judith and Alina attempt to explain why. ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you. ::: Things we talk about in this episode: - It's OK That You're Not OK - Megan Devine's INCREDIBLE book about grief - @refugeingrief - Megan Devine's instagram account ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
26:23
November 26, 2021
Wishing You A Tolerable Thanksgiving
Wishing You A Tolerable Thanksgiving
We here at As Long As I'm Living are NOT proponents of gratitude policing, forcing yourself to only see the good, or toxic positivity. Our original plan for this week was an episode called F*** Thanksgiving, because a couple weeks ago when we were planning it out, neither of us felt grateful at all. But, as with anything else in grieving, things change by the day. If you are sick and tired of Thanksgiving content and do not feel like giving thanks, please know you have our absolute support in skipping this episode entirely. We will have a regular, non-Thanksgiving, episode for you tomorrow. ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you. ::: Things we talk about in this episode: Empty Arms Bereavement Support Roberts Program at Boston Children's Hospital ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
24:59
November 25, 2021
Alina's Bad Day
Alina's Bad Day
When you're grieving, you have good days and bad days. Today, Alina had a bad day. ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you. ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
28:57
November 19, 2021
The Audacity of Hope
The Audacity of Hope
After two bummer episodes, Judith and Alina talk about the couple of things in their lives that they can -- occasionally -- feel hopeful about. Note: This is an episode that has some discussion of Judith's current pregnancy. We will warn you when it starts; please feel free to skip ahead a few minutes if it is too much for you. WE GET IT. ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you. ::: Things we talk about in this episode: Alina's "Grieving Mary" recipe We don't "move on" from grief, we move forward with it - Nora McInerny's Ted Talk Terrible, Thanks for Asking - Nora McInerny's podcast ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
32:53
November 12, 2021
Happier Ever After?
Happier Ever After?
This week, Judith and Alina talk status. Where are they now, and what has happened in their lives recently? Their lives are sad, but they laugh a lot! ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you. ::: Things we talk about in this episode: Alina's "Grieving Mary" (virgin Bloody Mary) recipe -- see our instagram! Roberts Program for Sudden Unexpected Death in Childhood ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
22:06
November 05, 2021
The Bottom
The Bottom
Judith and Alina thought they were in the Happily Ever After phase of life, until their sons died, and suddenly, they weren't. They were thrown together by the internet to navigate life after loss, laughing until they cry and crying until they laugh. They are very much at the bottom of a hole right now, the beginning of their story. Listen to them share about their supremely terrible year (they *wish* it was just their babies dying...) and speculate about what their Happier Ever After might look like, since Happily Ever After is out of the question. ::: Things we talk about in this episode: Love You Forever -- book by Robert Munsch Mamma's Liquid Love -- breast milk and ashes jewelry ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you. ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.
31:40
November 04, 2021