Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet

Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet

By Alex and Christine Schiefer
A comedy podcast featuring dramatic readings of one-star reviews written by real people with not-so-real problems.
26: Parks in Milwaukee, WI
Is it possible for people to give their local parks bad reviews? Yes. And it's as crazy as you'd think! Alex then reads conspiracy theory reviews that no one needs to hear. Whether you listen to this in your home, lighthome, or waffle home, you won't be disappointed! Don't take our words for it, just listen to our new friends: Matthew, Poopie, and Coochie Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops.
45:03
May 22, 2019
25: DMVs in Phoenix, AZ
Get your sunglasses emoji ready, because we've got some "cool" reviews for you. We're reading the worst reviews of DMVs in Phoenix, AZ. Now imagine how boring an episode like that would normally be, and try to give this one a shot anyway. We end the episode with hilariously awful reviews of restaurants where customers thought they were receiving other people's leftovers. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD, tyops, tim.kahn, and Carl Orff.
31:09
May 15, 2019
Between You And Us: Episode 4
Ghosts, choking, vampires... wait, what podcast is this again? Oh yeah, the one where we take the mask off of humanity and reveal its truest form. And in this episode, we're back to reading reviews sent in by our listeners! Come join us as we dive into our email inbox and read the best of the best. If you'd like to submit a funny review, email us at beachtoosandy@gmail.com with "Between You And Us" in the subject line! Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops.
29:24
May 13, 2019
24: Post Offices in Washington, DC
In our most educational episode yet, we broaden your vocabulary as well as your understanding of the Geneva Convention. But don't worry, there's plenty of stupidity as we explore our nation's capital for the worst post office reviews we can find. Then, Alex gives a challenge to YOU, the listeners, because he's a failure. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD, typos, John Siegler, and John Loeffler
35:49
May 8, 2019
23: Toy Stores in Chicago, IL
Welcome to Geppetto's Geriatric Sex Dungeon. Grab a doll, pick a booth, and enjoy our tastiest episode yet! We learn about all the toys Chicago has to offer, and we explore the stupidest recipe reviews on the internet!
38:55
May 1, 2019
22: Beaches in Honolulu, HI
In this week's episode, we reveal our titular story. We also discuss condoms, feces, and panty liners. So basically... we're discussing humanity this episode. We do that by reading reviews of both ABZ and LDC. No idea what those are? Listen to find out!
39:56
April 24, 2019
21: Elementary Schools in Pittsburgh, PA
This podcast made me laugh so bad!!! I threw up. It's time to kick off your Skechers and enjoy a new episode of Beach Too Sandy. While exploring reviews of elementary schools, we inadvertently explore our unfortunate middle school experiences. Enjoy the trauma! Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and typos.
41:21
April 17, 2019
20: Nostalgia in Los Angeles, CA
Episode 20 is the extravaganza you didn't know you needed! To mark the special occasion, we surprise each other with reviews of places that are close to our hearts. Hop in Guy Fieri's convertible and take this trip down memory lane with us! Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD, typos and Mark Snow.
47:24
April 11, 2019
Between You And Us: Episode 3
Cover your trouser! We're back with some PHAT reviews, ranging from Starbucks to Mount Rushmore. This episode = was passable. Just don't laugh too loudly or we'll call security... and remember, fishing is NOT a crime. If you'd like to submit a funny review, email us at beachtoosandy@gmail.com with "Between You And Us" in the subject line! Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and typos.
25:44
April 8, 2019
19: Coffee Shops in Seattle, WA
In our quest to find the worst reviews, we may have found the worst one yet. As difficult as that was, we make it through. Next in our journey, we get lost in the Bermuda Triangle of Yelp pages, but we eventually find our way... For the sake of humanity we must continue. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD, and tyops. 
47:57
April 3, 2019
18: Comedy Clubs in Hartford, CT
This week, Lisa Lampanelli graces us with her voice... and a plea to our beautiful listeners. This is followed by plenty of tallywagging from Alex and hooting from Christine. And we cap it all off with the discovery of... ANTIMONTY! No garlic fries here, just misery and displeasure. Enjoy! Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD, and tyops.
40:14
March 27, 2019
17: Hospitals in Boston, MA
In this week's episode, we take on communism, mary-juana, and the feminist agenda. It's truly an episode for the ages. But don't worry, we bleep out the worst of it. Thankfully, the world still gets to hear about Alex's first (and last) Hooters experience. Come along for the experience of a lifetime, and spread the word using #octothorpe. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD, and tyops.
38:01
March 20, 2019
16: Hardware Stores in Nashville, TN
If you ever want to blackmail us with fake audio pulled from various sound bites, boy do we have the episode for you! We provide you with amazing quotes such as "I'm going to flip my shit and burn down this place," and "I typed out the word 'sex' a lot today." And by we, we mean Christine. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by abett, PSOVOD, and tyops.
44:30
March 13, 2019
Between You And Us: Episode 2
The voices of a generation reading reviews sent in by fans of a generation. That's right, we're back and we're engaging in civil dialogue. We're reading what YOU want us to read. Instead of spending your hard earned money on over priced cold dessert coffee thing, why not just listen to a free radio show? Btw, we're not armed and we're wearing our "Make America Emo" hats again. Thanks for inserting us into your ears!
21:47
March 11, 2019
15: Record Stores in Indianapolis, IN
RudeJuggalo, WeedLMFAO, alxdude9, and imalwayzcrazy444. Which ones are our old AIM accounts and which are new? You have to listen to find out! This week we travel to Indianapolis to visit some of our best friends, including Air Bud, the Indiana Sniffer, Sonic the Hedgehog, and SpongeBob. We're still trying to connect the dots... Grab your accordions, your Faygo, and please keep your septum piercings in your septum! Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD, jgreer, and tyops.
43:19
March 6, 2019
14: Libraries in Los Angeles, CA
Hooded figures, dead bodies, and squirt machines. Or, your average Beach Too Sandy episode. If you think this episode stinks, watch out for our next collab: Corpse-be-Gucci. This episode is ideal for morgues, autopsy rooms, body bags, etc. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by Myuu, PSOVOD, sirkoto51, jgreer, and tyops.
36:44
February 27, 2019
13: Comic Book Shops in New York, NY
Hear ye hear ye! Green grocers and proprietors alike! We have an episode  that will surely challenge your views and give you a bad case of the sweats. Gather yourself below one of the Brooklyn Bridges, open up to page 1 of Christine's Teen Zine, and pour out a cup of our child's water. Just be sure to leave your 2 year olds behind.
44:44
February 20, 2019
12: Liquor Stores in Louisville, KY
In this week's episode, the gang announces their next venture (unfortunately it's not a liquor store in Louisville, KY). Please wish us luck on our imminent future as born again Belgians, and please enjoy this episode responsibly. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD, plasterbrain and tyops.
31:55
February 13, 2019
Between You And Us: Episode 1
In the first edition of our monthly Between You And Us episodes, we read reviews of your most suggested item. This episode is an exploration of the human body and its limits. You will learn so much from this episode, but you won't want to remember any of it. But you should already know what you're getting yourself into...
14:52
February 11, 2019
11: Strip Clubs in Las Vegas, NV
WARNING! Do not let your ladies listen to this show. We will steal them from you. In episode 11 we go back to our roots: Vegas strip clubs. More specifically, the Chippendales show which helped launch the idea for this podcast. Now’s your chance to hear a brother and sister relive the moment where they were forever scarred. If you like what you hear, hop on the nearest FedEx truck - we’ll meet you “at spa”!
32:15
February 6, 2019
10: Museums in Boise, ID
Welcome to episode 10 of the podcast where a couple of poorly dressed jobsworths read awful reviews. This very special episode is full of big announcements and big egos.  We even answer the age old question: Which has more museums, Boise or New York City? We also discover the world of people who get excited by squirrels, making this our most wholesome episode yet. But don't get too excited, because we're still being described as "what muppets would sound like on crack." Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.  Music by PSOVOD, Sirkoto51 and tyops. 
40:26
January 30, 2019
9: Waffle Houses in Atlanta, GA
What's the difference between Waffle House and your friendly neighborhood orgy? According to this week's reviews, possibly nothing. Whichever one you're going to, be sure to watch out for pink eye! "SIGNED ALEX AND CHRISTINE!" Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.  Music by jgreer, PSOVOD and tyops. 
27:30
January 23, 2019
8: Dentists in Denver, CO
Psst... yeah you... ever heard of... Presbyterianism? Then do we have the episode for you. We explore Denver for the worst reviews of dentists. Then we spread the good word of Ouija board reviewers. Take a break from your job as a bad teeth model and enjoy the sweet sugar voices from the unflossed mouths of Christine and Alex. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.  Music by jgreer, PSOVOD and tyops. 
35:08
January 16, 2019
7: Bridal Shops in Houston, TX
Buckle up, folks, because things are about to get "unsettling." Tune in to hear bridal store reviews from angry brides-to-be in Houston...and their dolls. Meanwhile, Alex introduces a couple toy-loving adults and expresses his own desire for a talking bird robot. Thinking of giving us negative 5000 stars? Big mistake...HUGE!  Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.  Music by Robinhood76, zagi2, qubodup, jgreer, PSOVOD and tyops. 
23:35
January 9, 2019
6: Pet Stores in Salt Lake City, UT
Lost the instruction manual for your new pet bird? You’ve come to the right place! This week we read pet store reviews in Salt Lake City before trailBLAZing down an uncomfortable path of sci-fi erotic fiction…kindle edition. Tune in for bad snake advice, gladiator music and, as always, plenty of disgruntled customers. 
29:47
January 2, 2019
5: Hair Salons in Ann Arbor, MI
Join us this week as we head to Ann Arbor to hear what people think of their local hair salons. Please enjoy, but watch out for the dead body out back. 
15:21
December 26, 2018
4: Tech Stores in Jacksonville, FL
Wuz up! In episode 4 we explore the world of tech stores in Jacksonville, FL. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.
19:14
December 19, 2018
3: Car Washes in Minneapolis, MN
It's episode three, y'all! Tune in for some...interesting...reviews of car washes in Minneapolis, MN. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.
17:53
December 12, 2018
2: Hotels in Kansas City, MO
Episode two is here! We cover 1-star reviews of hotels in Kansas City, MO. Logo design by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.
20:57
December 12, 2018
1: Grocery Stores in Cincinnati, OH
Welcome to the first official episode of BTSWTW, featuring 1-star reviews of grocery stores in Cincinnati, OH. Logo design by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.
17:19
December 12, 2018
TRAILER
Episodes 1-3 coming 12/12! Logo designed by Courtney DeKorte Theme by Mavus White
00:53
December 7, 2018
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