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be known

be known

By Kerrah E. Fabacher, LPC-S
This is a podcast for those who want authentic and whole relationships with others, yourself, and God. A Licensed Professional Counselor and Certified Life Coach, your host Kerrah E. Fabacher helps you exchange fear for love so that you can finally see what good relationships are made of. If you long to have healthy relationships, come on in and sit a while. Come see that you are not alone, that you matter, you are loved, and that life-giving relationships are possible. Let's see what kind of healing happens here.
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75. Be Intentional
We talk about being intentional with others, but what does it mean? In this episode we're talking about how to be intentional in our relationships. Listen in.  Resources and Links Mentioned in This Episode:  Monday Minute  Instagram  Website
14:31
September 26, 2022
74. When You Expect Too Much of Yourself
We aren't always very kind to ourselves. I think a lot of the expectations we have of ourselves are unrealistic and unhealthy, so let's talk about how to adjust them so we can be kinder. And more compassionate and gracious. Listen in.  Resources and Links Mentioned in This Episode:  Episode 17: Adjust Your Expectations Instagram Website
13:29
September 19, 2022
73. How to Practice Genuine Apology
As humans, we all need to do better at apology, normalizing it and practicing it in effective, honest ways. Let's jump into what genuine apology is and is not.   Listen in.  Resources and Links Mentioned in This Episode:  Full Life Christian Counseling Blog Post: Let's Normalize Genuine Apology  Instagram Website 
15:19
September 12, 2022
72. Make Space for Interruptions
We're not always great at allowing others to interrupt our lives, to stop us to talk and we listen or call us and we actually answer. Or make a bid for connection and we don't turn away. We're not great at this at all. We don't like for our lives to be interrupted. We don't want to be stopped, to be inconvenienced. And that's kind of a selfish way to live. Let's talk about it.  Resources and Links Mentioned in this Episode:  www.kerrahfabacher.com/shop  www.kerrahfabacher.com Instagram 
12:56
September 05, 2022
71. Fighting the Lies Modesty Culture Taught Us
We're jumping back into the podcast after a little break with a hot topic. Today, we're talking about modesty culture, how it negatively affected young women in the church, and how we can begin making a shift in thinking and how we handle modesty from this point on so we're not leading to more body shame. We're not about that anymore because that's messing up the relationship we have with ourselves. Cool? Listen in.  Resources and Links Mentioned in this Episode:  Dr. Camden Morgante on Modesty Culture:  https://www.instagram.com/p/ChFBy6vtx58/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link https://www.instagram.com/p/ChKKGb1sWDV/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link Dr. Camden Morgante on Five Toxic Christian Cultures Genesis 2-3 Coaching with Kerrah Transcript 
19:55
August 29, 2022
70. Handling Unmet Needs with Grace
So you know how we are getting better at expressing our needs to our humans? Well, it's very possible our humans might not be able to meet the need we have, the one we specifically requested they meet. And if we're honest, we often feel hurt, betrayed, and even attacked when they have to say no. We also feel anxious because now we have to figure out who else to ask. Let's talk about what it looks like to handle this with grace.  Also, this is a see you soon episode! The podcast will be back in August!  Resources and Links Mentioned in the Episode:  Transcript  Website 
13:21
June 20, 2022
69. When the Truth Hurts
Sometimes people will tell us something that is true or that has a little truth in it, and it can be super painful for us to hear. I value truth and clarity and honesty in my relationships. In fact, I don’t have time for people who won’t show up authentically. But sometimes that honesty hurts. Sometimes it hurts a lot. Especially when it feels true. What do we do when someone tells us something that is hard to hear or that reinforces a negative belief about ourselves? Or what if what they are saying has truth to it? How can we respond? Resources and links mentioned in this episode:  One Open Coaching Spot! Book Now! 
13:06
June 13, 2022
68. When Our Anger at the World Consumes Us
I think we're all a little angry right now. And grieving. And rightfully so with everything going on in our world and in our nation. So today, I'm just making space for that, but also for us who believe in Jesus to remember who we are. To not let our anger consume when it feels hard to love. We're in Colossians 3. Listen in.  Resources and Links Mentioned in Episode:  Colossians 3:5-17 (TPT) Come hang on Instagram  Website
10:06
June 06, 2022
67. Five Practices for When Your Friends Leave with Mary B. Safrit
My friend Mary B. Safrit, host of the Unsuitable Podcast, a podcast for single Christians, is our guest today. She shares about the importance of friendship to a single person and why it's so hard when friendships end. She then gives us five helpful practices when our friends leave that I think will be helpful for singles and non-singles alike. All of us know the pain of losing a friend, so I hope you enjoy today's episode written and recorded by my dear friend!  Resources and Links Mentioned in Episode:  How to connect with Mary B. -->  marybsafrit.com Wedding Guide  Instagram Another helpful episode on this topic:  When to Say Goodbye: Episode 14
12:49
May 30, 2022
66. How to Repair Your Damaged Relationship with Yourself
In this episode, we're talking about the concept of rupture and repair, often discussed in the field of psychotherapy. But we're not looking at rupture and repair in our relationships with others. We're looking at the process in our relationship with ourselves. How I treat myself matters, and it's time I took steps to repair any damage I've caused here. Listen in.  Resources and links mentioned in this episode: "On 'Rupture' and 'Repair'" from The School of Life  Matthew 22:34-40 Episode 7: Forgive Yourself  Episode 19: Listen  To Bless the Space Between Us, John O'Donahue 
15:23
May 23, 2022
65. When Someone's Boundaries Hurt Me
Sometimes we set limits in ways that are hurtful to others, like really hurtful. I asked a friend of mine to share a story of when this has happened to him. Listen in.  Resources and Links Mentioned in this Episode:  The Boundaries Bootcamp 
12:59
May 16, 2022
64. So, What About Emotional Boundaries?
We can talk a lot on the concept of emotional boundaries. What if our emotions have too much of an affect on someone else? Or what if we can't seem to separate ourselves from the emotions of others? Come on in. What does it mean to have good emotional boundaries? Let's sit a while and chat about it.  Resources and links mentioned in this episode:  One-on-One Coaching with me 
10:34
May 09, 2022
63. Living with Someone Else's Consequences
When we have good boundaries, we aren't taking as our own someone else's consequences for their decisions. But what if in some cases we do? What if we have to deal with their consequences for whatever reason? How can we handle that? Listen in.  Resources mentioned in this Episode:  Listen to Episode 28 The Boundaries Bootcamp
12:25
May 02, 2022
62. When It Feels Like God Isn't Listening
Today, I'm being honest with you about how I've not really felt God near lately. How I've had questions, but I'm not sure he's been answering. I'm sure many of you can relate. So in true Kerrah fashion, we're not going to pretend we don't feel confused and frustrated about this. As always, I hope my vulnerability will help you be honest with yourself, too.  Resources and links mentioned in this episode:  Say Yes: Discovering the Surprising Life Beyond the Death of a Dream, by Scott Erickson Questions to help build emotional awareness Financially support the podcast (Click the support button) Instagram
13:02
April 25, 2022
61. A Prayer for Lent
A simple prayer as we prepare to enter the season of Lent. 
06:43
February 28, 2022
60. Grace vs. Enabling
There is a distinct difference between grace and enabling. One is the obviously more healthy choice. One is not. So how can we do the former without slipping into the latter? How can we show grace without enabling someone else's harmful behavior? Listen in.  Resources and Links Mentioned:  Transcript Instagram 
16:07
February 21, 2022
59. When Safe People are No Longer Safe
To think about the characteristics of unsafe vs. safe people, go listen to episode 43, Safe People. But let's talk about a part of this that feels hard. What do we do when our safe people no longer feel safe? We'll talk about some behaviors that would make us feel unsafe and some possible next steps when that happens. Listen in.  Resources and Links Mentioned:  Episode 43: Safe People  Safe People, by Henry Cloud and John Townsend  Transcript Instagram: @kerrahfabacher 
17:45
February 14, 2022
58. Everything is Redeemable
Though not everything is redeemed in the way we'd hoped, I'm a firm believer that everything is redeemable. It's one thing that brings me hope. In this episode, we are digging into what redemption can mean in our lives.  Resources and links mentioned:  Psalm 130 (TPT) Meaning of redeem/redemption in original Hebrew  Blog series about honesty in our emotions Transcript Follow along on Instagram
14:39
February 07, 2022
58. How I Lost My Faith
I think at some point we all have difficulty believing. Believing in God at all or believing in Him to do miracles or change things anymore. Because when we look around, it's hard to see Him at work. I think it's better to acknowledge this together than deal with it alone. We're in this together. Let's be honest together and let's heal together.  Resources and links mentioned:  Original blog post episode is based on: How I Lost My Faith The Boundaries Bootcamp (on sale only until end of January!) Instagram: @kerrahfabacher Get Out of Your Head, by Jennie Allen
10:54
January 31, 2022
56. How to Speak the Truth in Love
Don't you love this *slightly annoying* Christian phrase? Speak the truth in love. Well, today, we are actually going to talk about it, what it means, and how we can speak truth to others in a kind and respectful way. Assertiveness matters. Telling someone how we feel and what we're thinking about matters. But it also matters how we say it. We don't want to be people who speak our minds with no regard about how it could affect someone else. Let's be people who consider others as we use our voice to speak truth.  In this episode, I'll share with you some practical ways to be considerate and thoughtful when you need to speak up.  Resources mentioned in this episode:  Galatians 4 (NLT) The Boundaries Bootcamp  www.kerrahfabacher.com Instagram 
18:39
January 24, 2022
55. When Someone You Love is Grieving
I don't know who hasn't been grieving lately, and we don't always know how to help those who are. Sometimes we try to say or do something, but that something isn't always helpful. Let's talk about what not to do when someone you love is grieving and what can be helpful instead.  Resources and Links:  Every Moment Holy, Volume 2  www.kerrahfabacher.com Instagram: @kerrahfabacher
12:16
January 17, 2022
54. Pay Close Attention
Happy New Year! My beginning this year isn't all about the resolutions, because honestly, my brain is still recovering from March 2020. But I do choose a word for every year, and this my word is attuned. I think we can all grow in being more aware, listening, understanding, and responding to life and people thoughtfully and purposefully. Listen for how to begin paying closer attention in your life as we talk more about being attuned.  Resources and Links:  www.kerrahfabacher.com/monday-minute  www.kerrahfabacher.com/podcast Instagram: @kerrahfabacher
12:07
January 10, 2022
53. Take a Step
2021 was about taking steps for me. Mainly taking steps backward to heal, to reflect. Because Advent is upon us, I am stepping back from the podcast, the Monday Minute, and social media in the month of December to reflect on the year and spend time with my people. In this episode, I've given you an opportunity to do the same. I hope it is a meaningful and centering practice for you as you close out 2021. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. And I'll see you soon.  Resources and Links Mentioned in this Episode:  Meditative Advent Readings: fulllifecc.com/advent-readings Instagram: @kerrahfabacher Website: www.kerrahfabacher.com
14:52
November 29, 2021
52. When Gratitude Becomes Avoidance
Gratitude is the best, right? It fills us with all the good feelings and has great mental health benefits, but sometimes we can use it to avoid the hard things we feel, the suffering we may be walking through. And that can be very unhealthy. Listen in.  Resources and Links mentioned in this episode:  Liturgy of Thanksgiving at the Return of Joy, from Every Moment Holy, Volume 2 
08:44
November 22, 2021
51. For When the Church Has Told Us to be Quiet
As wonderful as it is to be a part of the body of Christ, the church has not done something well. They often directly or indirectly tell people who are struggling with the tough emotions to stop feeling those things and especially stop expressing them. When angry, they're told to forgive. When afraid, they're told to trust God. The church hasn't done a great job of listening with grace and letting people experience the more difficult emotions and thoughts. And that's caused so much hurt to those who are suffering. So let's talk about it. Getting super honest with this one. Buckle up.  Resources and Links Mentioned in this Episode:  Collection of Advent Readings All the things at www.kerrahfabacher.com Follow along on Instagram 
19:15
November 15, 2021
50. Reflecting on Turning 50
Not me, silly. This is the podcast's 50th episode, woot woot! :) And I guess we aren't technically 50, more like, 1 1/2, but geez, it's hard to come up with catchy titles! :) Today, we celebrate 50 episodes in true Kerrah form: reflecting on what this podcast journey has taught me so far. Listen in.  Resources and Links Mentioned in Episode:  Share your favorite episode on social media this week for a chance to win a $25 gift card to Amazon! Tag me on Facebook at Kerrah E. Fabacher or on Instagram @kerrahfabacher.  Find all the things at www.kerrahfabacher.com Transcript: www.kerrahfabacher.com/podcast 
14:50
November 08, 2021
49. All You Need is Love
Today's episode is more mediative and reflective. Instead of me trying to help you know what love is and how to do it best, I wanted you to hear from the One who is love. Listen in.  Resources and Links mentioned in this episode:  1 John 3:11-24; 4:7-21 www.kerrahfabacher.com Instagram: @kerrahfabacher
12:07
November 01, 2021
48. Reach Out and Touch
As humans, we need touch. Maybe more than we know. And when we don't have a healthy amount of touch, we will struggle. A lot. So let's talk about touch deprivation and why we need it and how to get it when we may have a bad relationship with it due to past trauma, neglect, culture, or unhealthy relationships. Trigger warning: if you've experienced any past touch trauma. Listen in.  Resources and Links Mentioned in Episode:  Conversation with Mary B. Safrit on Touch Deprivation  Mary B.'s Instagram  The Body Keeps the Score, by Bessel van der Kolk  For the Senses, a Blessing by John O Donahue found in To Bless the Space Between Us Find me on Instagram  Hang out more on www.kerrahfabacher.com
14:40
October 25, 2021
47. Show Grace to Those Who Aren't Well
Though we must be wise with who is close up and personal in our lives and have some expectations of how our people will treat us, we need to remember that they can't love us well if they aren't well. We can't expect them to be super attentive to us and our needs if they are going through some hard stuff. Let's understand some possible signs that may show us they aren't doing well, and be willing to adjust our behaviors to show more grace to them in that season. Being more gracious and kind is never the wrong decision. Listen in.  Resources and links mentioned in this episode:  John 15:13  17: Adjust Your Expectations 10: Listen to Your Emotions 12: Be Slow to Speak 19: Listen 24: Practice Active Listening Give a small monthly donation to support the podcast  Transcript for this episode  Follow me on Instagram @kerrahfabacher 
14:58
October 18, 2021
46. Have Good Boundaries with Your Time
Most of us aren't leaving enough margin in our lives for the life-giving things. Instead, our time is filled with life-draining things, and we can only go so long on E. This is an indicator of poor boundaries with our time. This episode is to help us develop a healthier rhythm of life that honors our time and allows more space for the things that fill us. Listen in for some practical exercises, questions, and statements to consider when creating a rhythm that allows for more whole living.  Resources and links from this episode:  Author of The Next Right Thing and host of The Next Right Thing Podcast: @emilypfreeman Work with me in one-on-one coaching: www.kerrahfabacher.com/book-online Come hang out with me on Instagram @kerrahfabacher Transcript for this episode
13:56
October 11, 2021
45. The Dangers of Oversharing
In the age of social media and the cultural value of vulnerability and authenticity, people tend to struggle with discernment on how much is too much to share with someone else. On social media, we see this done a lot, but it's also hard in more interpersonal interactions. Let's talk about why oversharing isn't safe or wise and some things to consider before sharing to avoid being too extreme with your vulnerability. Listen in.  Resources and links mentioned in this episode:  Episode 6: Be the House with the Picket Fence  Episode 43: Safe People  www.kerrahfabacher.com/book-online Follow along over on Instagram @kerrahfabacher
13:35
October 04, 2021
44. When You Can't Forget
Past hurt is so hard to forgive, and often we think forgiveness is forgetting. But what if it isn't? What if there is another way? This episode is for those who've struggled with forgiveness and the desire for revenge because they can't forget (nor should they). Listen now.  Links & Resources From This Episode:  Forgiving What You Can't Forget by Lysa Terkeurst  John 31:34, ESV Colossians 3:12-13, ESV Find me on Instagram @kerrahfabacher  For other resources and the transcript of this episode, go to www.kerrahfabacher.com
12:22
September 27, 2021
43. Safe People
How do we know who is unsafe and who is safe? How can we even begin to define safety? What can it look like to love the unsafe people? Listen in. 
17:29
August 30, 2021
42. The Need for Recognition
If we are honest with ourselves, we often feel we need recognition for who we are and what we've done. But it's not recognition we need. Because we already have it. 
12:14
August 23, 2021
41. Know the One Who Made You
When it feels like we've lost ourselves, the only way home, to knowing ourselves, is to know the One who made us. But how can we do that? 
15:34
August 16, 2021
40. The Risks, Responsibilities, and Rewards of Vulnerability
Vulnerability is necessary, but we need to understand there are risks that come with it. We need to be responsible with our vulnerability so we can experience the rewards of it. 
14:08
August 09, 2021
39. Build Emotional Awareness
When we are more emotionally aware, we can be healthier as a whole, not to mention have better relationships. This episode teaches us how to be more emotionally aware. 
14:45
August 02, 2021
38. Three Things Every Relationship Needs
From author Leslie Vernick, these are the three things that all adult relationships should have. When they don't have these three essential ingredients, they aren't healthy. They are destructive. 
11:51
June 21, 2021
37. When a Friend Holds a Grudge
How can you tell if your friend is holding a grudge against you, and what do you do about it? 
11:39
June 14, 2021
36. Respect Others' Boundaries
Boundaries aren't just about you. Having good boundaries means we respect others' boundaries, too. 
12:30
June 07, 2021
35. Feel What You Feel
Today, I want to hold space with you and for you to be still and lean into what is going on within you. Listen in. 
09:58
May 17, 2021
34. Tell Your Story
Our stories are powerful and need to be told. Start with writing it with some of these prompts found in episode 34. 
12:03
May 10, 2021
33. Ten Things I've Learned in Ten Years of Marriage
For marrieds, singles, and those dating: some of the important things I've learned throughout ten years of marriage! 
14:18
May 03, 2021
32. For When We Doubt
Doubt is real because pain is real. We struggle to believe God still loves us, is kind, is good. So what do we do with this doubt?
14:29
April 26, 2021
31. When Your Words Don't Change Anything
Because sometimes when we are brave enough to be vulnerable and honest, people won't always respond well. What should we do when they don't? 
14:54
April 19, 2021
30. Take Care of Your Heart
If we aren't well, we can't love others well. Here are five practical ways to take care of your heart. 
16:03
April 12, 2021
29. The Boundaries of Jesus
Jesus had great boundaries. So we can stop thinking that it isn't loving to have them. Listen in to hear more about his boundaries. 
11:52
March 15, 2021
28. What is My Responsibilty?
There are things that we should not take responsibility for, and there are things we should. So what are those things?
17:41
March 08, 2021
27. Cultivate Authentic Community
We have learned what holds us back from having good community, so now how do we build it?
17:08
March 01, 2021
26. When You Don't Have Good Community
We need each other. What holds us back from engaging in Christian community? And what happens when we don't?
16:33
February 22, 2021
25. You are Not Your Relationship Status
It's way too easy to believe we are wanted and loved only if we have a significant other. 
12:28
February 15, 2021
24. Practice Active Listening (final)
Here are five simple practices to help you be an active listener!
13:13
February 08, 2021
23. Jessica Hottle // On Communication in Relationships
Listen in as my friend Jessica and I talk about:  Why communication matters in relationships The cost of not communicating  Communication pitfalls  Healthier communication strategies 
38:11
February 01, 2021
22. What Good Relationships Are Made Of
We were made to love God, love others, and love ourselves. Without love, good relationships are impossible. 
14:26
January 25, 2021
21. Exchange Fear for Love
Fear is one of the biggest hindrances to deep interpersonal relationships. Let's flip the script and be the brave ones. 
10:09
January 18, 2021
20. Set Your Intentions
When 2020 felt like the year of lost choices, let's begin this new year by taking those choices back as we set our intentions. 
10:17
January 11, 2021
19. Listen
My word for 2020, "listen" wrecked me in all the right ways. Take a "listen" to see how I learned to listen to others, the Spirit within me, my emotions, and my body this year.  Plus an announcement about the podcast at the end. 
15:28
November 30, 2020
18. Keep Those Boundaries During the Holidays
This year has been hard enough. The last thing you need is unhealthy boundaries to send you over the edge. Let's talk about a simple way to set and keep them. 
10:33
November 23, 2020
17. Adjust Your Expectations
Because when we don't, we live in constant resentment and disappointment. 
15:13
November 16, 2020
16. Don't Forget About God
To be (or feel) forgotten is one of the worst feelings of all. Imagine how God feels when we forget about Him, too. 
12:04
November 09, 2020
15. Don’t be selfish with self-care
We can become too self-indulgent with our self-care. We can also neglect ourselves in unhealthy ways. So how can we do this in a balanced way?
11:30
November 02, 2020
14. When to Say Goodbye
Not all friendships are made to last a lifetime. Let's learn to say goodbye to those that have ended too soon, and let's learn how to end the ones that needed to end a long time ago. 
12:06
October 26, 2020
13. Know Your Worth
We can't have whole relationships if we do not have a whole relationship with self, if we do not know that we are people of worth. 
13:08
October 19, 2020
12. Be Slow to Speak
I'm not saying to be silent. I'm saying let's be less reactive and more thoughtful with the words we use. 
15:38
October 12, 2020
11. Embrace the Unseen
We feel unseen so much more than we would like to admit.
12:04
October 05, 2020
10. Listen to Your Emotions
Because this is part of what it means to be aware. And there is no growth without awareness. And there is no healing, either. 
15:38
September 28, 2020
9. Be the Friend You Wish to Have
We can't expect others to treat us in a way in which we aren't willing to treat them. 
09:45
September 21, 2020
8. Tell God What You Love About Him
Because when you do, it changes everything. 
12:16
September 14, 2020
7. Forgive Yourself
Forgiving others is already hard, but forgiving ourselves? I think that is the hardest of all. 
11:49
September 07, 2020
6. Be the House with a Picket Fence
We could talk all day about setting boundaries, but this episode will hone in on how to do this with people outside the fence, people inside the fence, and people in the house. Listen in. 
13:37
August 31, 2020
5. Be Honest with God
If we struggle with vulnerability with others, we will also struggle with it with God. But his presence is safe. We can tell him how we feel. 
14:32
August 24, 2020
4. Tune Out The Lies
What does it look like to uproot the lies we believe about ourselves? 
12:22
August 17, 2020
3. A Path to Authentic Connection
How do we know ourselves and show that self to the world?  Bonus: Apply this path to setting boundaries and communicating effectively in The Boundaries Bootcamp. Register before Saturday at midnight to reserve your spot! Find all the details here. 
16:54
August 10, 2020
2. Be Known
God knows us perfectly, and He has made Himself known to us. Will we do this work, too? Will we be brave and allow ourselves to be known? 
11:18
August 03, 2020
1. Take Off the Mask
We can't be known when we are wearing masks, and we can't be known if we don't even fully know ourselves. Listen in. 
13:22
August 03, 2020
Come On In!
Hear more about the heart behind the podcast and see that you are not alone in your relationship struggles. We are all in this together, friend. 
08:20
July 23, 2020