Betrayal Recovery Radio: The Official Podcast of APSATS

In a world where trust can be a fragile commodity, betrayed partners find themselves at a crossroads. Confronted with the painful aftermath of betrayal, many feel stuck and confused. They don’t want to be defined by betrayal but feel traumatized, confused and isolated. In Betrayal Trauma recover they embark on a courageous journey to break free from the shackles of hurt and deceit. Through resilience and unwavering determination, they choose to heal the wounds, not just of their hearts but quite possibly their relationships as well. These individuals become living testaments to the power of interdependence, clarity and truth, proving that even the most shattered hearts can be mended with patience, understanding, and the choice to heal.

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In PART 2 of this two-part episode of Betrayal Recovery Radio, Dr. Jake Porter is joined by Pam Blizzard and Steph Farnsworth to tackle one of the most frustrating challenges for betrayed partners: when the betraying partner isn’t doing the work. Together, they explore the emotional urgency of healing, the disconnect between partners' expectations, and the deeper psychological dynamics at play. They discuss why some betraying partners seem stuck, how betrayed partners can navigate the frustration, and what real progress in recovery actually looks like. Whether you're feeling hopeless or just seeking clarity, this episode offers validation, insight, and actionable steps to help you move forward on your healing journey.

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In this two-part episode of Betrayal Recovery Radio, Dr. Jake Porter is joined by Pam Blizzard and Steph Farnsworth to tackle one of the most frustrating challenges for betrayed partners: when the betraying partner isn’t doing the work. Together, they explore the emotional urgency of healing, the disconnect between partners' expectations, and the deeper psychological dynamics at play. They discuss why some betraying partners seem stuck, how betrayed partners can navigate the frustration, and what real progress in recovery actually looks like. Whether you're feeling hopeless or just seeking clarity, this episode offers validation, insight, and actionable steps to help you move forward on your healing journey.

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Welcome to Betrayal Recovery Radio. I’m Dr. Jake Porter, and today, I’m thrilled to be joined by the authors of Building True Intimacy, a powerful book that lays out a roadmap for restoring relationships after betrayal. In this episode, we dive into the journey of moving from devastation to a thriving partnership, and how to develop the "Intimacy Pyramid" as a practical tool for healing. We’ll explore the essential role of honesty, vulnerability, and intentional connection in rebuilding trust and creating emotional safety. Whether you’re navigating betrayal yourself or simply looking for tools to deepen intimacy in your relationship, this conversation is full of hope, encouragement, and actionable insights you won’t want to miss.

Matthew and Joanna Raabsmith are clinicians, speakers, and authors of the book Building True Intimacy: Creating a Connection that Stands the Test of Time. They have over 20 years of combined experience in counseling, coaching, and guiding couples toward healing and transformation. Their mission is to help couples navigate the complexities of relational challenges, particularly in the aftermath of sexual addiction and betrayal trauma, fostering deep restoration and growth.

Matthew is a Professional Certified Coach (ICF) with a background in pastoral leadership, while Joanna is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, EMDR practitioner, and Certified Clinical Partner Specialist through APSATS. Both hold Master of Divinity degrees and have served together on multiple church leadership teams. Currently, they co-lead their private practice, The Raabsmith Team, where they specialize in helping couples rebuild connection, trust, and intimacy.

Dan Drake is a licensed clinician, and he is the Founder and Clinical Director of Banyan Therapy Group in Los Angeles, California. He is a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist Supervisor, a Certified Clinical Partner Specialist Supervisor, and a Certified Clinical Disclosure Guide Mentor. He is co-author of several books, including 5 books in the Full Disclosure Series, Building True Intimacy: Creating a Connection that Stands the Test of Time, Letters from a Sex Addict: My Life Exposed, Surviving the Holidays, Healthy Boundaries, and Rebuilding Your Foundation. Dan is a husband and a father to two amazing kids and two fur babies.

In his passion to help sex addicts, their partners, and families restore relational, mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual wholeness to their lives, Dan strives to provide a safe environment where his clients can grow and heal.

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Welcome to Betrayal Recovery Radio. I’m Dr. Jake Porter, and today, I’m thrilled to be joined by the authors of Building True Intimacy, a powerful book that lays out a roadmap for restoring relationships after betrayal. In this episode, we dive into the journey of moving from devastation to a thriving partnership, and how to develop the "Intimacy Pyramid" as a practical tool for healing. We’ll explore the essential role of honesty, vulnerability, and intentional connection in rebuilding trust and creating emotional safety. Whether you’re navigating betrayal yourself or simply looking for tools to deepen intimacy in your relationship, this conversation is full of hope, encouragement, and actionable insights you won’t want to miss.

No one wants to prepare for a storm or consider the necessary steps to get to safety. Yet most would say they have a fire escape plan in their home for such an emergency. Most couples solely rely on the betraying partner’s relapse plan to find stabilization and repair. In the interview with Lyschel Burket, she invites betrayed partners to consider a plan for themselves in the aftermath of a slip or relapse. A plan allows the betrayed partner to find personal strength apart from the betraying partner's strength in order to navigate the storm. 

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In this conversation, Jake Porter and Alana Gordon delve into the complex topic of consent, particularly in the context of betrayal trauma and sexual addiction. They explore the foundational aspects of consent, its importance in healthy relationships, and the challenges faced by individuals in understanding and practicing it. The discussion emphasizes the need for clear communication, enthusiastic participation, and the right to withdraw consent at any time. They also highlight the necessity of starting from the basics when teaching consent, especially in the context of past experiences and societal messages that may undermine it. In this conversation, Alana and Jake explore the critical themes of body autonomy, consent, and the importance of boundaries in relationships. They discuss how societal messages can shape our understanding of consent and the necessity of teaching children about their rights to say yes or no. The dialogue emphasizes the role of emotional awareness in recovery from addiction and the significance of building trust through open communication. They also touch on the impact of modeling healthy relationships for future generations and provide insights into the upcoming APSATS conference, which aims to educate and empower individuals in their healing journeys.

Adam Nisenson, known as the Betrayal Shrink, combines his extensive clinical skills with a deeply empathetic heart in his role as a Betrayal Trauma Coach. Licensed as a Marriage and Family Therapist and Certified Sex Addiction Therapist, Adam is dedicated to guiding men through the complex emotions and challenges of betrayal trauma. His methodology is deeply influenced by his intimate grasp of the trials faced by men confronting a partner’s infidelity. Leveraging his extensive clinical background and personal insights of being a betrayal partner himself, Adam creates a supportive and understanding environment, where clients are led through their journey of healing with compassion and wisdom.

Holding a degree from Pacifica Graduate Institute with a focus on Marriage and Family Therapy, Professional Clinical Counseling, and Depth Psychology, Adam has committed his career to addressing critical issues such as betrayal, infidelity, sex addiction, and the myriad life challenges that accompany them. With Adam, the journey is not just about recovery; it's about embarking on a path of profound personal growth and rediscovery.

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Healing a relationship that is impacting by addiction, adultery, and betrayal requires hope. Many couples find themselves feeling hopeless after discovery and struggle to imagining having hope again. Hope is an anchor that keeps us grounded in our values and reality. This empowering discussion will offer tools on how to cultivate hope and build strength amidst the recovery journey.

Andrea Rogers is a board certified life coach and a certified partner coach with APSATS. Andrea is the founder of Fully Alive Coaching, a practice that was birthed out of her own recovery journey from the impact of betrayal. In addition to coaching, Andrea is Brainspotting practitioner, podcast host of "Blow the Whistle", a writer, and a speaker.

She has dedicated her life to helping others "wake up" and experience all that life has to offer. Through her practice, Andrea helps people go on the journey from hurting, to healing, to wholeness. She works with men, women, and couples who desire to move from a life of fear and scarcity to courageous living and abundance.

Andrea has over twenty years of coaching experience and has spent the last ten years committed to helping those in the areas of problematic sexual behavior and betrayal trauma. When she is not coaching clients, Andrea is spending time with four of her favorite humans, also known as her children.

In this episode of *Betrayal Recovery Radio*, Dr. Jake Porter hosts a discussion with Pam Blizzard and Steph Farnsworth, exploring the complex layers of relational abuse within the context of betrayal trauma. They define relational abuse as a covert, disempowering experience, highlighting how behaviors like gaslighting and manipulation compound the pain of betrayal, creating a "double abuse" effect. Together, they discuss the challenges betrayed partners face in reclaiming their sense of reality and autonomy, while also offering hope for healing through boundary-setting, group support, and personal empowerment. For betraying partners, the episode offers insights into developing empathy and understanding the importance of transparency. This episode is a resourceful guide for both partners navigating the path to relational healing. Links:

In recent years, the demand for "intensive treatment" has increased, as more and more betrayed partners seem methods of accelerating their healing process. Though relatively new to the field of professional counseling and coaching, intensives have become keystone elements of some individuals' recovery journeys. In this episode, Dr. Jake is joined by APSATS Board Member Aarti Chidambaram to discuss what intensives are and how they can benefit betrayed partners. Links:

Advances in neurotherapy now allow specialized clinicians to take much of the guesswork out of understanding and working toward healing for those affected by trauma. APSATS Certified Clinical Partner Specialist Laura Childers is just such an expert, using cutting edge technologies to look into the brains of betrayed partners and recovering addicts in order to better diagnose and device treatments for deep change. Join this fascinating conversation between Dr. Jake and Laura as they discuss how neurotherapy can open new pathways to health and restoration for betrayed partners.

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In this podcast episode, we explore the Betrayal Trauma Religious Leader Training (BTRL), a customized program designed for professionals within religious and faith-based communities. Our interview with Aviva Kohl and Barbara Steffens uncovers the core of BTRL, focusing on the APSATS Multidimensional Partner Trauma Model (MPTM). Attendees learn to provide response, assessment, and support to those experiencing betrayal trauma, incorporating faith into their approach. The four-day training, supplemented with mentorship groups, equips participants with the skills needed to serve their religious community, emphasizing empathy and understanding, and enabling various religious organizations, non-profits, and clinicians to address betrayal trauma within their specific faith setting.

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Over the last two decades, the way mental health professionals understand and treat the experience of betrayal has radically shifted from an emphasis on co-addiction and codependency to an embrace of the traumatic nature of intimate betrayal. In this conversation with Stacey Sadler, Cheryl Rogers, and Kathy Reynolds, they reflect both personally and professionally on this evolution and discuss how neglecting the treatment of betrayal trauma has consequences not only for the betrayed partner, but also the entire family system. Modalities for treating this trauma are discusses, as well as a paradigm for seeing betrayal trauma treatment as a matter of justice. Stacey, Cheryl, and Kathy are teaming up to provide a brand new program for betrayed partnered, Returning to You™. They give a preview of this unique therapeutic retreat designed from the ground up for betrayed partners to address their trauma.

If you are interested in the Returning to You™ Partner Program, use the link below. Mention that you heard about the program on APSATS Betrayal Recovery Radio to receive a 5% discount on the cost of the retreat.

Grief: The sticky middle piece of the betrayal recovery experience and the place many partners and couples get stuck. It seems that many in Western culture have lost the intuitive communal mourning processes that are still so common in other cultures. We have individualized and privatized our grief and mourning into a strictly personal affair. But there is so much value in the shared and collective experience of mourning, the knowing and being known of letting it be seen. Join Cat and Jake as they explore the value of communal mourning and discuss ways to share the grief experience between couples and communities.

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Carol the Coach returns to Betrayal Recovery Radio to share more about how to heal from betrayal. In this conversation with Dr. Jake, she focuses on the stages of healing from betrayal trauma and also goes deep into the topic of posttraumatic growth. Carol also gives a sneak peak into her upcoming keynote at the Restoring Hearts Conference.

We are inherently social beings. Our brains are wired to connect, and when we feel disconnected, we struggle.  If we feel isolated, our chances of having some type of psychiatric diagnosis increases.  In the brain, the mirror neuron network helps us to understand subtleties in social, emotional and linguistic interchanges. The extended mirror neuron network helps us to interpret these subtleties.  If our mirror neuron system is dysregulated, we struggle with being able to connect in an authentic and emotionally vulnerable way, and therefore, we can struggle with an inner loneliness.  Laura Childers and her team are working to regulate the mirror neuron system on the brain level in order to decrease the recovery time of sex addiction and partner betrayal trauma.  This interview between Dr. Windell Gill and Laura Childers will go over the areas of the brain that help us to connect, as well as ways that we are treating the brain and therefore, increasing empathy and the ability to authentically connect with emotionally vulnerability.

The aftermath of betrayal can put all of our relationships into question. Secrecy, confusion, fear of judgement, and shame can lead to the loss of long time relationships as a woman sorts through her pain and tries to make sense of her reality. Join us as we talk with Lyschel Burket, Lead Hope Caster for Hope Redefined and podcast co-host for Hope For Wives.  She will talk about the unexpected gift that comes when we are able to find community that can walk in the mud with us in this particular season. Suddenly they become new friends that were very much needed.

In marriages and intimate relationships affected by sexual addiction, it is not uncommon for emotional abuse be present. Sometimes the abusive behaviors can increase with more intensity when the one struggling with the addiction becomes "sober" but is not fully committed to recovery. These behaviors are often maladaptive coping mechanisms fueled by shame and stemming from unhealed trauma. Many do not realize they are engaging in these unhealthy coping skills.  Also, their intent is not to hurt, but the impact is often devastating. Defining forms of emotional abuse and the damaging effects it can have in marriages where problematic sexual behavior is or has been present is necessary to help bring light to this issue and also to find hope and healing for both partners.

While GASLIGHTING is now a pop-culture buzz word, AND Merriam-Webster's word of the year, a lot of what is out there is either misinformation, or incomplete information. The result? A LOT of people are incorrectly slapping the label of gaslighting on to situations that are actually NOT a gaslighting experience. The overuse of the word has left most of us with MORE questions than answers.  Let's take a few situations and look at whether or not gaslighting is occurring, and if not — why not!

Dr. Jake is joined in this episode by Sarah Morales, CPC. Sarah is an APSATS certified life and relationship coach and member of the APSATS Board of Directors who has been coaching individuals and groups professionally for 10 years.  During that time, she has contracted with numerous helping professionals, spoken at national conferences, and been invited to speak on podcasts, all from the lens of her gaslighting expertise. In 2022, her gaslighting specialty culminated in her Deconstructing Gaslighting™ offerings: a free video series, signature 12-week course and podcast – all aimed at empowering others to better understand and identify gaslighting in their lives and relationships. Sarah’s passion to empower others to transform their lives fuels her work with her clients and pushes her to continue developing new programs on the cutting edge of helping others grow to know, trust, and love themselves more than they knew was possible.

TRIGGER WARNING: This episode contains content that could be upsetting or painful to individuals at particular points in their journey to healing from trauma. Please honor your intuition about whether this is the right time for you to engage this episode.

Discovering the specifics of your partner's sexual fantasies or behaviors can be devastating and disturbing. However, fantasies don't have to be scary. Sexual fantasies lose much of their power when you can understand the story behind them. We'll dive into how sexual fantasies work, the three storylines of every sexual fantasy, and four practical steps for what to do with sexual fantasies.

(Part 2 of 2) "Family of Origin" is the term used in counseling work to refer to the relational systems into which we were born and raised. Our families of origin leave lasting impacts on us all. They are the source of so many of our most basic ways of thinking, feeling, and behaving.

A crucial step in healing for all people is to gain an awareness of our families of origin. This awareness takes us outside our biased perspective as participants and gives us the view of an outside, unbiased observer.

When we come to see our families of origin more clearly, we also see more clearly our own identity, strengths, challenges, drives, and defenses. With this awareness, we can unlock a sense of freedom from old patterns of thinking, feeling, and behaving that have kept us imprisoned our whole lives long.

(Part 1 of 2) "Family of Origin" is the term used in counseling work to refer to the relational systems into which we were born and raised. Our families of origin leave lasting impacts on us all. They are the source of so many of our most basic ways of thinking, feeling, and behaving.

A crucial step in healing for all people is to gain an awareness of our families of origin. This awareness takes us outside our biased perspective as participants and gives us the view of an outside, unbiased observer.

When we come to see our families of origin more clearly, we also see more clearly our own identity, strengths, challenges, drives, and defenses. With this awareness, we can unlock a sense of freedom from old patterns of thinking, feeling, and behaving that have kept us imprisoned our whole lives long.

Everything about your sexual health is impacted when you are betrayed by someone you love and trust.  Dr. Crystal Hollenbeck is a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist, an ASSECT Certified Sex Therapist, and an APSATS Certified Clinical Partner Specialist.  She helps betrayed partners move from unhealthy to healthy sexuality in the healing process after betrayal.  Dr. Hollenbeck understands the traumatic impact on you as an individual and as a sexual partner and she offers hope for partners that getting to a place of sexual health and enjoyment is possible after betrayal.  

Sex addiction is often an intimacy disorder. For many, its roots take hold during the early stages of childhood development when we should be given the instruction and nurturing needed to emotionally bond with others. When this does not happen, we struggle to feel love, or for that matter, feel any emotions. We are emotionally undeveloped. This leaves us lacking the skills and resources needed to emotionally connect on a deeper level. So even if one becomes sexually-sober, if one does not learn to become emotionally developed, relationships will continue to suffer. Often we see this in his inability to comfort a partner during suffering from betrayal trauma. By becoming emotionally developed, we can develop the confidence needed to emotionally connect and be vulnerable. Dr. Eddie Capparucci, author of "Why Men Struggle to Love: Overcoming Relational Blind Spots," joins Dr. Jake to discuss why sobriety isn't enough and how sex addicts can develop further emotionally.

Betrayal Trauma is a reality. It’s not weakness of character, lack of forgiveness, or a sign of resentment. The discovery of secret betrayal has a literal, physical affect on the brain and its ability to process and act upon the data we take in as we move through life. In this episode, you’ll hear the second half of Dr. Jake Porter’s keynote presentation on Betrayal Trauma at the XPOSED conference from earlier this year in Portland, Oregon. In it, he discusses what Betrayal Trauma is, how it affects the brain, and what is needed for healing.   

Betrayal Trauma is a reality. It’s not weakness of character, lack of forgiveness, or a sign of resentment. The discovery of secret betrayal has a literal, physical affect on the brain and its ability to process and act upon the data we take in as we move through life. In this episode, you’ll hear the first half of Dr. Jake Porter’s keynote presentation on Betrayal Trauma at the XPOSED conference from earlier this year in Portland, Oregon. In it, he discusses what Betrayal Trauma is, how it affects the brain, and what is needed for healing.

Betrayed partners are usually so traumatized by the discovery of their partners' addiction or betrayal that they are trying to just put together the reality of what life is and has truly been. The first phase of healing from betrayal trauma is safety and stabilization. One of the first things that needs to happen is to find out what the betrayed partner needs to feel safe, and that usually means involving the betrayer. But what happens if the ones who did the betraying discard their partners' safety needs, as well as what it takes to live a life of integrity?   

Divorce might seem like the obvious answer when betrayal occurs, but there are ways to save a marriage or relationship if the betrayer and partner are willing to step into healing. In this conversation between Dr. Jake and APSATS Certified Partner Coach Kim Hansen Petroni, they discuss the topic of divorce after the betrayal from several angles.   

One of the trickiest scenarios recovering addicts and betrayed partners must navigate involves disclosure to children. How much do you tell? When do you share? Who should do it? While there's no one-size-fits-all approach to answer these questions, some principles are generally helpful to those who are facing this reality. In this episode, APSATS-trained Carley Pool, LPC Associate discusses these matters with Dr. Jake.

(This is the second part of a two-part series on core values. If you've not yet heard part one, go listen to that first!)

Everyone has values. Some people choose their values on purpose. Others fall into valuing things that lead them away from the life they want most.  

Everyone has values. Some people choose their values on purpose. Others fall into valuing things that lead them away from the life they want most. Core values act as guides, pointing us in the direction of our dreams, hope, and expectations. This is true for individuals, but it can be true for couples, as well. Discover the power of shared values in relationships through this episode with Dr. Jake Porter!  

In this conversation on the needs of couples after the discovery of sexual addiction, Dr. Jake is joined by Carol the Coach discuss her ERCEM model, the Early Recovery Couples Empathy Model. Jake and Carol talk about the three phases of healing for betrayal trauma, and how the betraying partner can help to heal the relationship, despite being the cause of pain. They discuss what true empathy is, and how it can transform the dynamic of the relationship and open the way to true healing.

In Julie's interview, she will discuss why attunement is important, how it can be developed, the three C's of Non-Verbal Communication: context, cluster, congruency.

Albert Mehrabian's 55%, 38%, 7% Rule states that only 7% of what we communicate is with words, and yet we focus so many tools on this aspect. The rest of what we say is through signals, micro-expressions, facial reflexes, breathing patterns, and noises. Developing attunement to your partner's distress signals prior to the need for tools may help co-regulation prior to a conflict erupting. This can change the energy between partners and create safety in the relationship.

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Betrayal can be devastating to your partner and your relationship, but many couples still love one another and are committed to mending their relationships. In order to do this, it is important for the unfaithful party to understand the traumatic nature of betrayal, and understand how to respond sensitively to their partner's pain. It is also critical they adopt a stance of honesty, transparency and commitment in their relationships. This often includes participating in a facilitated disclosure and emotional restitution process. Join APSATS trained coach Kathy Reynolds and APSATS founding president, Dr. Barbara Steffens, for this powerful conversation.