Betrayal Recovery Radio: The Official Podcast of APSATS
By Betrayal Recovery Radio
Betrayal Recovery Radio is the official podcast of The Association of Partners of Sex Addict Trauma Specialists (apsats.org). Dr. Jake Porter can be reached at drjakeporter.com.
Betrayal Recovery Radio: The Official Podcast of APSATSJun 27, 2019
Navigating the Holiday Season in the Midst of Betrayal with Rebecca Ray
In today's episode of Betrayal Recovery Radio, we delve into the complexities of the holiday season, a time filled with joy but often marred by the challenges of betrayal trauma. Joined by Rebecca Ray, we'll navigate the delicate dynamics faced by those affected by betrayal, whether as the betrayed or the betrayer.
Rebecca Ray is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, licensed in Texas, Colorado, Missouri, and Florida and owner/founder of Ray Family Therapy in Houston, Texas. Rebecca is a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist, Certified Clinical Partner Specialist, and certified in EMDR therapy. Rebecca is married, has three children ages 18, 14, and 9. In her free time, she loves reading, hiking with her dog, and when it isn't too hot she does HIIT workouts in her garage. In January, Ray Family Therapy will offer training to therapists and coaches to develop practical skills working with adoptees and adoptive families; Treating Adoptees and Adoptive Families Across the Lifespan. As an adoptee, Rebecca understands first-hand the trauma experienced in foster care and the adoption process. Additionally, Rebecca wrote an ebook, The Ultimate Guide for Creating a Healthy Relationship, to help couples get off autopilot and into the core awareness of their core needs and desires.
Links to find Rebecca:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rayfamilytherapy
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/rayfamilytherapy
LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/rayfamilytherapy
LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/rebeccaraytherapist
Ray Family Therapy: www.rayfamilytherapy.com
Ray Family Therapy Adoption Training: https://www.rayfamilytherapy.com/adoptiontraining
To download The Ultimate Guide for Creating a Healthy Relationship go to:
https://keap.page/ivx304/creating-healthy-relationships.html
The Prevalence of Domestic Violence in the Lives of Partners of Sex Addicts | With Lisa Taylor
In this interview I share the results of my Masters thesis which show that rates of domestic violence are considerably higher in the lives of partners of sex addicts than in the general population. This is significant because women are arriving daily on therapists’ doorsteps seeking help for betrayal trauma, but with their experiences of DV under recognized and under disclosed. Moreover the study looked into what factors were associated with more frequent violence and damaging types of violence (i.e., physical and sexual) and what factors were associated with violence mitigation.
Links to find Lisa!
https://beyondbetrayal.community
https://nakedtruthproject.com/get-help/
2024 Daring Way Retreats: https://go.drjakeporter.com/daringway2024?r_done=1
Navigating Betrayal: Answering the Hard Questions with Conversations Podcast
Welcome to another thought-provoking episode of Betrayal Recovery Radio, hosted by Dr. Jake Porter. In this engaging installment titled "Navigating Betrayal: Answering the Hard Questions with Conversations Podcast," we delve deep into the complex landscape of betrayal within relationships.
Joining Dr. Jake in this enlightening discussion are esteemed colleagues: Wendy Conquest, Dan Drake, Jeanne Vattuone, and Tim Stein. These experts are not only colleagues but also close friends who co-host the Conversations on Sex, Addiction, and Relationships Podcast. Their chemistry is palpable, and their wisdom profound.
In this episode, we confront the challenging questions frequently posed by those grappling with the revelation of betrayal in their relationships. You'll witness a civil and enlightening exchange of perspectives, showcasing the power of dialogue and empathy in navigating the intricate web of betrayal.
Links in this episode:
Check out Conversations!:
https://open.spotify.com/show/2ZpYca91XJ0DIkTt2CCjSZ
https://podcasts.apple.com/is/podcast/conversations-on-sex-addiction-and-relationships/id1576738924
Dan Drake: https://www.banyantherapy.com
Wendy Conquest: https://wendyconquest.com
Jeanne Vattuone: https://jeannevattuone.com
Time Stein: https://timsteinmft.com
Jake Porter: https://go.drjakeporter.com/?r_done=1
Considering the Impact for Neurodiverse Couples with Autism and Asperger Traits | with Shawna Meek
Often when doing couples recovery work, the approach is from a neurotypical lens following betrayal trauma and sex addition. This may work for many couples, but what about when these approaches aren’t working for the long term healing of the relationship? Many couples share that it can be frustrating and discouraging especially when both partners in the couple ship desires growth and change. We are going to be talking about another lens and perspective to consider when one or both partners are autistic, have Asperger traits, or wonder if they may be on the spectrum. We will be: • Recognizing this may be a consideration to explore • Understanding the impact on healing and recovery • Moving forward with adjustments and unique tools Navigating The Depths Summit: navigatingthedepths.com
Betrayal Trauma Religious Leader Training, with Aviva Kohl and Barbara Steffens
In this podcast episode, we explore the Betrayal Trauma Religious Leader Training (BTRL), a customized program designed for professionals within religious and faith-based communities. Our interview with Aviva Kohl and Barbara Steffens uncovers the core of BTRL, focusing on the APSATS Multidimensional Partner Trauma Model (MPTM). Attendees learn to provide response, assessment, and support to those experiencing betrayal trauma, incorporating faith into their approach. The four-day training, supplemented with mentorship groups, equips participants with the skills needed to serve their religious community, emphasizing empathy and understanding, and enabling various religious organizations, non-profits, and clinicians to address betrayal trauma within their specific faith setting.
Links:
https://www.apsats.org/BetrayalTraumaReligiousLeader
Peak Parenting in the Midst of Betrayal & Addiction
Sex addiction and betrayal doesn't have to take your parenting to new lows. In fact, by focusing on your core values you can realign your efforts to breathe new life into your parenting. People wonder what to tell the children and how to become a "family in recovery." It is possible to achieve peak parenting by recognizing your weak spots and using tools to combat the things that are pulling you into defeat. Join us as we discuss how to navigate the road of recovery while reaching new, more meaningful connections with your children. Believe it or not, your family relationships can blossom and flourish during this time. Windell Gill interviews Stacey Sadler for this impacting session.
Recognizing and Responding to Destructive Relationship patterns in your relationship | With Kimberly Day
When your partner has a sexual addiction, acting out comes with the territory. Dealing with it is hard, even learning about it can be traumatic. But what about the behaviors INSIDE the relationship? How do you recognize and respond to inappropriate treatment from a partner? How do you become personally and relationally healthier when at least some of the trauma you find yourself experiencing is due to your partner's behavior inside the relationship? Whether overt or covert, whether emotional, psychological, sexual, or physical- considering the health of the patterns within the relationship can add another layer of complexity when looking at partnerships struggling with sex addiction. And yet, it is so necessary to take a deeper look at what is happening in order to really understand and serve women and men impacted by addiction.
Links to find Kim: www.onesafespace.com (Safe Space Facebook page is: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100082947741547)
kim@lifechangingservices.org or kimssafespace@gmail.com
Unraveling Cognitive Distortions: Navigating Healing Post Betrayal, with Pam Blizzard and Dr. Jake Porter | Part 2
In this episode, the Dr. Jake and Pam Blizzard delve into the realm of cognitive distortions often experienced by partners post-betrayal. They explore how trust erosion affects perception, leading to misconceptions such as overgeneralization, emotional reasoning, and catastrophizing. Real-life stories illustrate these distortions, while expert Jake and Pam offer practical advice for overcoming them. The discussion provides insight into how such distortions can sabotage relationship recovery and suggests strategies for fostering communication, understanding, and healing post-betrayal.
Links in this episode:
Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/recoveredpeace/?hl=en
Self-paced course on Cognitive Distortions:
https://recoveredpeace.com/clarity
Group Coaching: Clarity and Peace with Boundaries for betrayed partners: https://recoveredpeace.com/learnboundaries
Website:
https://RecoveredPeace.com
Facebook Group Peer Support for Betrayed Spouses in Recovery:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/recoveringspousesofsa/
Unraveling Cognitive Distortions: Navigating Healing Post Betrayal, with Pam Blizzard and Dr. Jake Porter | Part 1
In this episode, the Dr. Jake and Pam Blizzard delve into the realm of cognitive distortions often experienced by partners post-betrayal. They explore how trust erosion affects perception, leading to misconceptions such as overgeneralization, emotional reasoning, and catastrophizing. Real-life stories illustrate these distortions, while expert Jake and Pam offer practical advice for overcoming them. The discussion provides insight into how such distortions can sabotage relationship recovery and suggests strategies for fostering communication, understanding, and healing post-betrayal.
Links in this episode:
Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/recoveredpeace/?hl=en
Self-paced course on Cognitive Distortions:
https://recoveredpeace.com/clarity
Group Coaching: Clarity and Peace with Boundaries for betrayed partners: https://recoveredpeace.com/learnboundaries
Website:
https://RecoveredPeace.com
Facebook Group Peer Support for Betrayed Spouses in Recovery:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/recoveringspousesofsa/
Adult Children of Sex Addicts: Hidden Effects on Those in the Periphery - Part 2
The field of Sex Addiction has grown and expanded immensely over the last two decades, and as a result the field has a much greater understanding of not only the betraying partner but the betrayed. However, those who were in early childhood, perhaps teens, two decades ago have since grown into adulthood. As a result the sex addiction field is rapidly picking up pace in gaining an understanding of what the effects were on the children of these addicts. In this interview we hope to address hard questions, like, "How could a parent's sex addiction or betrayal effect a child who might not have known what was going on?" We will also debunk some common myths, such as, "My children knew everything, so they have processed it all."
Conrad and Kathy Reynolds interview Carley Pool for this powerful and important session.
Adult Children of Sex Addicts: Hidden Effects on Those in the Periphery - Part 1
The field of Sex Addiction has grown and expanded immensely over the last two decades, and as a result the field has a much greater understanding of not only the betraying partner but the betrayed. However, those who were in early childhood, perhaps teens, two decades ago have since grown into adulthood. As a result the sex addiction field is rapidly picking up pace in gaining an understanding of what the effects were on the children of these addicts. In this interview we hope to address hard questions, like, "How could a parent's sex addiction or betrayal effect a child who might not have known what was going on?" We will also debunk some common myths, such as, "My children knew everything, so they have processed it all."
Conrad and Kathy Reynolds interview Carley Pool for this powerful and important session.
From Crisis to Purpose and Passion with Fran Hopwood | Part 2
In the second part of this moving interview, Dr. Jake asks Fran Hopwood to reflect on the healing and recovery journey that she and her late husband Richard followed over the last nine years. The focus will be on Richard and his story of transformation and growth as an individual and as part of a coupleship. Richard's early problematic sexual behaviour re-emerged with the advent of broadband internet. After Fran's D-Day in 2013, Richard started his journey of recovery. Early on he realised this was more than just maintaining sobriety. He was committed not only to addressing the root causes of his addiction and the behavioural effects of his dysfunctional childhood, but also to learning how to help Fran heal, to rebuild their relationship, and to continue his own personal growth journey. Gradually he became able to open up and share his secrets so that they were able to fight their respective trauma demons together. Richard took full responsibility for his actions and fully embraced recovery so that they could build a fuller and deeper relationship, increasing intimacy at all levels, especially emotionally and spiritually. They were deliberate in creating new memories and in making the most of moments of joy. As part of his post-traumatic growth, Richard was deeply committed to supporting other men in recovery gain freedom and growth.
From Crisis to Purpose and Passion with Fran Hopwood | Part 1
In this moving interview, Dr. Jake asks Fran Hopwood to reflect on the healing and recovery journey that she and her late husband Richard followed over the last nine years. The focus will be on Richard and his story of transformation and growth as an individual and as part of a coupleship. Richard's early problematic sexual behaviour re-emerged with the advent of broadband internet. After Fran's D-Day in 2013, Richard started his journey of recovery. Early on he realised this was more than just maintaining sobriety. He was committed not only to addressing the root causes of his addiction and the behavioural effects of his dysfunctional childhood, but also to learning how to help Fran heal, to rebuild their relationship, and to continue his own personal growth journey. Gradually he became able to open up and share his secrets so that they were able to fight their respective trauma demons together. Richard took full responsibility for his actions and fully embraced recovery so that they could build a fuller and deeper relationship, increasing intimacy at all levels, especially emotionally and spiritually. They were deliberate in creating new memories and in making the most of moments of joy. As part of his post-traumatic growth, Richard was deeply committed to supporting other men in recovery gain freedom and growth.
Taking on the Hard Questions, with Lyschel Burkett, Bonnie Burns, Pam Blizzard, and Dr. Jake Porter
"What if my husband won't see a therapist?"
"When should we start having sex again?"
"Why is he sober but still not connecting?"
In this episode, Dr. Jake interviews the hostesses of the Hope for Wives podcast — Lyschel Burkett, Bonnie Burns, and Pam Blizzard. The three women are able to balance a plain-spoken, no-nonsense telling of the truth with compassion, support, and wisdom. Drawing from both their personal experience and professional expertise, Lyschel, Bonnie, and Pam take on hard questions Dr. Jake has received from betrayed partners of sex addict. You won't want to miss this informative and hope-giving episode!
Links in this episode:
http://apsats.org
http://drjakeporter.com
https://hopeforwives.com/
http://hoperedefined.org
http://strongwives.com
http://recoveredpeace.com
Returning to You™: A Conversation on Betrayal Trauma with Stacey Sadler, Cheryl Rogers, Kathy Reynolds, and Dr. Jake Porter
Over the last two decades, the way mental health professionals understand and treat the experience of betrayal has radically shifted from an emphasis on co-addiction and codependency to an embrace of the traumatic nature of intimate betrayal. In this conversation with Stacey Sadler, Cheryl Rogers, and Kathy Reynolds, they reflect both personally and professionally on this evolution and discuss how neglecting the treatment of betrayal trauma has consequences not only for the betrayed partner, but also the entire family system. Modalities for treating this trauma are discusses, as well as a paradigm for seeing betrayal trauma treatment as a matter of justice. Stacey, Cheryl, and Kathy are teaming up to provide a brand new program for betrayed partnered, Returning to You™. They give a preview of this unique therapeutic retreat designed from the ground up for betrayed partners to address their trauma.
If you are interested in the Returning to You™ Partner Program, use the link below. Mention that you heard about the program on APSATS Betrayal Recovery Radio to receive a 5% discount on the cost of the retreat.
Grief and Mourning as a Collective Experience, with Cat Etherington and Dr. Jake Porter
Grief: The sticky middle piece of the betrayal recovery experience and the place many partners and couples get stuck. It seems that many in Western culture have lost the intuitive communal mourning processes that are still so common in other cultures. We have individualized and privatized our grief and mourning into a strictly personal affair. But there is so much value in the shared and collective experience of mourning, the knowing and being known of letting it be seen. Join Cat and Jake as they explore the value of communal mourning and discuss ways to share the grief experience between couples and communities.
Links in this episode:
https://www.nakedtruth.training/wholehearted-retreat-Texas
https://www.nakedtruth.training/wholehearted-grief-retreat-Australia
https://www.nakedtruth.training/couples-retreat-texas
http://www.nakedtruthproject.com
Discount codes for retreats:
$100 USD off US grief retreat using code - RET100USD
$100 AUD off Australian grief retreat using code - RET100AUD
$200 USD off couples retreat using code - RETREAT200USD
Help. Her. Heal. with Carol "the Coach" Juergensen Sheets and Dr. Jake Porter
Carol the Coach returns to Betrayal Recovery Radio to share more about how to heal from betrayal. In this conversation with Dr. Jake, she focuses on the stages of healing from betrayal trauma and also goes deep into the topic of posttraumatic growth. Carol also gives a sneak peak into her upcoming keynote at the Restoring Hearts Conference.
Links in this episode:
http://apsats.org
http://drjakeporter.com
http://chooseconnectionsummit.com
http://RestoringHeartsConference.org
http://sexhelpwithcarolthecoach.com
Connection: Brain-Based Healing, Empathy, and Authentic Living - with Dr. Windell Gill, PSAP, and Laura Childers, LPC, CCPS
We are inherently social beings. Our brains are wired to connect, and when we feel disconnected, we struggle. If we feel isolated, our chances of having some type of psychiatric diagnosis increases. In the brain, the mirror neuron network helps us to understand subtleties in social, emotional and linguistic interchanges. The extended mirror neuron network helps us to interpret these subtleties. If our mirror neuron system is dysregulated, we struggle with being able to connect in an authentic and emotionally vulnerable way, and therefore, we can struggle with an inner loneliness. Laura Childers and her team are working to regulate the mirror neuron system on the brain level in order to decrease the recovery time of sex addiction and partner betrayal trauma. This interview between Dr. Windell Gill and Laura Childers will go over the areas of the brain that help us to connect, as well as ways that we are treating the brain and therefore, increasing empathy and the ability to authentically connect with emotionally vulnerability.
Links mentioned in this episode:
http://apsats.org
http://chooseconnectionsummit.com
http://daringventures.com/laura
http://daringventures.com/windell
The Unexpected Gift of Betrayal: Friendship, with Lyschel Burket and Dr. Jake Porter
The aftermath of betrayal can put all of our relationships into question. Secrecy, confusion, fear of judgement, and shame can lead to the loss of long time relationships as a woman sorts through her pain and tries to make sense of her reality. Join us as we talk with Lyschel Burket, Lead Hope Caster for Hope Redefined and podcast co-host for Hope For Wives. She will talk about the unexpected gift that comes when we are able to find community that can walk in the mud with us in this particular season. Suddenly they become new friends that were very much needed.
Links in this episode:
http://apsats.org
http://go.drjakeporter.com
http://hoperedefined.org
Emotional Abuse and Sex Addiction Recovery, with Tamara Lichfield and Dr. Jake Porter
In marriages and intimate relationships affected by sexual addiction, it is not uncommon for emotional abuse be present. Sometimes the abusive behaviors can increase with more intensity when the one struggling with the addiction becomes "sober" but is not fully committed to recovery. These behaviors are often maladaptive coping mechanisms fueled by shame and stemming from unhealed trauma. Many do not realize they are engaging in these unhealthy coping skills. Also, their intent is not to hurt, but the impact is often devastating. Defining forms of emotional abuse and the damaging effects it can have in marriages where problematic sexual behavior is or has been present is necessary to help bring light to this issue and also to find hope and healing for both partners.
Links in this episode:
http://apsats.org
http://drjakeporter.com
http://www.becomingshatterproof.us
http://www.facebook.com/becomingshatterproof
"That's Gaslighting!" (Or Is It?) with Sarah Morales and Dr. Jake Porter
While GASLIGHTING is now a pop-culture buzz word, AND Merriam-Webster's word of the year, a lot of what is out there is either misinformation, or incomplete information. The result? A LOT of people are incorrectly slapping the label of gaslighting on to situations that are actually NOT a gaslighting experience. The overuse of the word has left most of us with MORE questions than answers. Let's take a few situations and look at whether or not gaslighting is occurring, and if not — why not!
Dr. Jake is joined in this episode by Sarah Morales, CPC. Sarah is an APSATS certified life and relationship coach and member of the APSATS Board of Directors who has been coaching individuals and groups professionally for 10 years. During that time, she has contracted with numerous helping professionals, spoken at national conferences, and been invited to speak on podcasts, all from the lens of her gaslighting expertise. In 2022, her gaslighting specialty culminated in her Deconstructing Gaslighting™ offerings: a free video series, signature 12-week course and podcast – all aimed at empowering others to better understand and identify gaslighting in their lives and relationships. Sarah’s passion to empower others to transform their lives fuels her work with her clients and pushes her to continue developing new programs on the cutting edge of helping others grow to know, trust, and love themselves more than they knew was possible.
Links in this episode:
http://apsats.org
http://drjakeporter.com
http://sarahmoralescoaching.com
How to Understand Your Partner's Sexual Fantasies - with Dr. Jake Porter and Drew Boa
TRIGGER WARNING: This episode contains content that could be upsetting or painful to individuals at particular points in their journey to healing from trauma. Please honor your intuition about whether this is the right time for you to engage this episode.
Discovering the specifics of your partner's sexual fantasies or behaviors can be devastating and disturbing. However, fantasies don't have to be scary. Sexual fantasies lose much of their power when you can understand the story behind them. We'll dive into how sexual fantasies work, the three storylines of every sexual fantasy, and four practical steps for what to do with sexual fantasies.
Links for the show:
http://apsats.org
http://go.drjakeporter.com
http://husbandmaterial.com
https://www.youtube.com/husbandmaterial
https://podcast.husbandmaterial.com/
Unlocking Family of Origin Issues - Part 2, with Dr. Jake Porter
(Part 2 of 2) "Family of Origin" is the term used in counseling work to refer to the relational systems into which we were born and raised. Our families of origin leave lasting impacts on us all. They are the source of so many of our most basic ways of thinking, feeling, and behaving.
A crucial step in healing for all people is to gain an awareness of our families of origin. This awareness takes us outside our biased perspective as participants and gives us the view of an outside, unbiased observer.
When we come to see our families of origin more clearly, we also see more clearly our own identity, strengths, challenges, drives, and defenses. With this awareness, we can unlock a sense of freedom from old patterns of thinking, feeling, and behaving that have kept us imprisoned our whole lives long.
Links for this show:
http://apsats.org
http://drjakeporter.com
Unlocking Family of Origin Issues - Part 1, with Dr. Jake Porter
(Part 1 of 2) "Family of Origin" is the term used in counseling work to refer to the relational systems into which we were born and raised. Our families of origin leave lasting impacts on us all. They are the source of so many of our most basic ways of thinking, feeling, and behaving.
A crucial step in healing for all people is to gain an awareness of our families of origin. This awareness takes us outside our biased perspective as participants and gives us the view of an outside, unbiased observer.
When we come to see our families of origin more clearly, we also see more clearly our own identity, strengths, challenges, drives, and defenses. With this awareness, we can unlock a sense of freedom from old patterns of thinking, feeling, and behaving that have kept us imprisoned our whole lives long.
Links for this show:
http://apsats.org
http://drjakeporter.com
Sexual Intimacy in the Betrayal Healing Process, with Dr. Jake Porter & Dr. Crystal Hollenbeck
Everything about your sexual health is impacted when you are betrayed by someone you love and trust. Dr. Crystal Hollenbeck is a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist, an ASSECT Certified Sex Therapist, and an APSATS Certified Clinical Partner Specialist. She helps betrayed partners move from unhealthy to healthy sexuality in the healing process after betrayal. Dr. Hollenbeck understands the traumatic impact on you as an individual and as a sexual partner and she offers hope for partners that getting to a place of sexual health and enjoyment is possible after betrayal.
Links in this episode:
http://apsats.org
http://drjakeporter.com
https://crystalhollenbeck.com
Being Sober Is Not Enough, with Dr. Jake Porter and Dr. Eddie Capparucci
Sex addiction is often an intimacy disorder. For many, its roots take hold during the early stages of childhood development when we should be given the instruction and nurturing needed to emotionally bond with others. When this does not happen, we struggle to feel love, or for that matter, feel any emotions. We are emotionally undeveloped. This leaves us lacking the skills and resources needed to emotionally connect on a deeper level. So even if one becomes sexually-sober, if one does not learn to become emotionally developed, relationships will continue to suffer. Often we see this in his inability to comfort a partner during suffering from betrayal trauma. By becoming emotionally developed, we can develop the confidence needed to emotionally connect and be vulnerable. Dr. Eddie Capparucci, author of "Why Men Struggle to Love: Overcoming Relational Blind Spots," joins Dr. Jake to discuss why sobriety isn't enough and how sex addicts can develop further emotionally.
Links from show:
http://apsats.org
http://drjakeporter.com
http://www.innerchild-sexaddiction.com
http://www.strugglingmen.org
Is Betrayal Trauma Real? Part 2 - with Dr. Jake Porter
Betrayal Trauma is a reality. It’s not weakness of character, lack of forgiveness, or a sign of resentment. The discovery of secret betrayal has a literal, physical affect on the brain and its ability to process and act upon the data we take in as we move through life. In this episode, you’ll hear the second half of Dr. Jake Porter’s keynote presentation on Betrayal Trauma at the XPOSED conference from earlier this year in Portland, Oregon. In it, he discusses what Betrayal Trauma is, how it affects the brain, and what is needed for healing.
Links in show:
http://apsats.org
http://drjakeporter.com
Is Betrayal Trauma Real? Part 1 - with Dr. Jake Porter
Betrayal Trauma is a reality. It’s not weakness of character, lack of forgiveness, or a sign of resentment. The discovery of secret betrayal has a literal, physical affect on the brain and its ability to process and act upon the data we take in as we move through life. In this episode, you’ll hear the first half of Dr. Jake Porter’s keynote presentation on Betrayal Trauma at the XPOSED conference from earlier this year in Portland, Oregon. In it, he discusses what Betrayal Trauma is, how it affects the brain, and what is needed for healing.
Links in show:
http://apsats.org
http://drjakeporter.com
When Addicts Don't Want the Help They Need, with Tiffany Comiskey and Dr. Jake Porter
Betrayed partners are usually so traumatized by the discovery of their partners' addiction or betrayal that they are trying to just put together the reality of what life is and has truly been. The first phase of healing from betrayal trauma is safety and stabilization. One of the first things that needs to happen is to find out what the betrayed partner needs to feel safe, and that usually means involving the betrayer. But what happens if the ones who did the betraying discard their partners' safety needs, as well as what it takes to live a life of integrity?
Links mentioned in the show:
http://apsats.org
http://drjakeporter.com
http://www.hopecfl.com
http://boundariessummit.com
Divorce Prevention 101, with Kim Hansen Petroni, CPC and Dr. Jake Porter
Divorce might seem like the obvious answer when betrayal occurs, but there are ways to save a marriage or relationship if the betrayer and partner are willing to step into healing. In this conversation between Dr. Jake and APSATS Certified Partner Coach Kim Hansen Petroni, they discuss the topic of divorce after the betrayal from several angles.
Links from the show:
http://apsats.org
http://drjakeporter.com
http://go.boundariessummit.com
http://www.coachinghope4u.com
http://sexhelpwithcarolthecoach.com
What About the Kids? Disclosing Sex Addiction to Children, with Carley Pool and Dr. Jake Porter
One of the trickiest scenarios recovering addicts and betrayed partners must navigate involves disclosure to children. How much do you tell? When do you share? Who should do it? While there's no one-size-fits-all approach to answer these questions, some principles are generally helpful to those who are facing this reality. In this episode, APSATS-trained Carley Pool, LPC Associate discusses these matters with Dr. Jake.
Links from show:
http://apsats.org
http://drjakeporter.com
http://boundariessummit.com
https://www.daringventures.com/carley/
http://instagram.com/carley_counseling_corner
Core Values for Couples (Part 2), with Dr. Jake Porter
(This is the second part of a two-part series on core values. If you've not yet heard part one, go listen to that first!)
Everyone has values. Some people choose their values on purpose. Others fall into valuing things that lead them away from the life they want most.
Core values act as guides, pointing us in the direction of our dreams, hope, and expectations. This is true for individuals, but it can be true for couples, as well. Discover the power of shared values in relationships through this episode with Dr. Jake Porter!
http://apsats.org
http://drjakeporter.com
http://boundariessummit.com
Core Values for Couples, Part One, with Dr. Jake Porter
Everyone has values. Some people choose their values on purpose. Others fall into valuing things that lead them away from the life they want most. Core values act as guides, pointing us in the direction of our dreams, hope, and expectations. This is true for individuals, but it can be true for couples, as well. Discover the power of shared values in relationships through this episode with Dr. Jake Porter!
Empathy Heals Relationships
In this conversation on the needs of couples after the discovery of sexual addiction, Dr. Jake is joined by Carol the Coach discuss her ERCEM model, the Early Recovery Couples Empathy Model. Jake and Carol talk about the three phases of healing for betrayal trauma, and how the betraying partner can help to heal the relationship, despite being the cause of pain. They discuss what true empathy is, and how it can transform the dynamic of the relationship and open the way to true healing.
Adding Attunement to Empathy, with Julie St.Onge, CPC
In Julie's interview, she will discuss why attunement is important, how it can be developed, the three C's of Non-Verbal Communication: context, cluster, congruency.
Albert Mehrabian's 55%, 38%, 7% Rule states that only 7% of what we communicate is with words, and yet we focus so many tools on this aspect. The rest of what we say is through signals, micro-expressions, facial reflexes, breathing patterns, and noises. Developing attunement to your partner's distress signals prior to the need for tools may help co-regulation prior to a conflict erupting. This can change the energy between partners and create safety in the relationship.
Show links:
http://www.newenglandcoachingservices.com
Surviving Sexual Betrayal, with Dr. Barbara Steffens and Kathy Reynolds
Betrayal can be devastating to your partner and your relationship, but many couples still love one another and are committed to mending their relationships. In order to do this, it is important for the unfaithful party to understand the traumatic nature of betrayal, and understand how to respond sensitively to their partner's pain. It is also critical they adopt a stance of honesty, transparency and commitment in their relationships. This often includes participating in a facilitated disclosure and emotional restitution process. Join APSATS trained coach Kathy Reynolds and APSATS founding president, Dr. Barbara Steffens, for this powerful conversation.
Links for this episode:
http://apsats.org
http://drbarbarasteffens.com
https://www.daringventures.com/kathy-reynolds/
http://drjakeporter.com
Recognizing and Healing from Childhood Neglect, with Enod Gray and Dr. Jake Porter
Many people initially seek therapy for problems in their intimate relationships unaware that attachment patterns established in childhood directly affect behavior in their adult relationships. It is important to dismantle and become mindful of survival strategies unconsciously created in childhood that cause dysfunction in adult life. Neglect and our reaction to it is one of the most subtle and unrecognized of those problems which interferes with our ability to love and be loved.
We are naturally created to seek connection, but when unconscious patterns interfere with this process they can produce devastating emotional pain and unhealthy behaviors that prevent this from happening. The first order of business is to unpack risky family situations, brain chemistry, and genetic factors to become mindful of how behaviors in the now are unconsciously being dictated by the past. Awareness then becomes one of the the keys to healing patterns that keep us from achieving true intimacy.
Join Dr. Jake Porter in this interview with Enod Gray, LCSW, CSAT, and author of Neglect: The Silent Abuser.
Links for the show:
http://apsats.org
http://drjakeporter.com
Enod Gray's Practice
Enod's Book on Neglect
Life Integrity, with Michelle Dyett-Welcome and Dr. Jake Porter
After the discovery of sexual betrayal, betrayed partners need much more than "mere sobriety" for trust to be rebuilt. In this episode, Dr. Jake interview APSATS Certified Partner Coach Michelle Dyett-Welcome on the topic of life integrity. By focusing on issues of character and the necessity of core values living, those who have committed betrayal can experience deep healing for themselves, and make a space for the healing of their partners and relationships.
Links mentioned in the show:
https://apsats.org
https://go.drjakeporter.com
https://bectspsa.com
michelle@bectspsa.com
https://www.facebook.com/bectspsa
https://www.instagram.com/michelledyettwelcome/
What I've Learned So Far: Essential Reflections on Working with Addiction and Betrayal, with Dr. Jake Porter
In this episode, Dr. Jake reflects on some of the things he's learned over the years he's worked with sex addicts and betrayed partners. He discusses why these lessons are important for both professionals in the field but also those individuals seeking to recovery from the consequences of addiction and betrayal. Dr. Jake expands on these eight lessons:
- Betrayal is an issue of justice.
- Disclosures can be healing rather than traumatic.
- Co-occurring disorders must be assessed, diagnosed, and treated.
- Empathy is essential for individual and relational healing.
- No one can set a boundary for anyone else (ask for disclosure).
- Grief is where the healing happens.
- Lack of capacity is different from lack of will.
- Values provide a positive direction for change.
Listen in to be empowered with knowledge that can change the course of your healing journey.
Links mentioned in the show:
APSATS.org
drjakeporter.com
daringventures.com
"Are You On the Coaster" Video
Disclosing Truth After Betrayal, with Dan Drake, Janice Caudill, and Dr. Jake Porter
Discovery of sexual betrayal erodes safety, trust and intimacy in relationships. This brings devastation to the partner and the relationship. So how do we start the process of healing after sexual betrayal? One major way to begin healing is through a formal disclosure process, facilitated by a professional. In this episode, we’ll explore what a formal disclosure is, as well as the benefits and risks of doing a disclosure. We’ll address best practices in the full disclosure process, including exploring different options for how these disclosures can take place. We’ll utilize resources we’ve created for facilitating safe and effective disclosures, and how couples can begin to heal after sexual betrayal.
Links from show:
drjakeporter.com
www.disclosurehope.com
www.intensivehope.com
apsats.org
Resiliency in the Wake of Trauma, with Sara Schulting-Kranz and Dr. Jake Porter
Putting Together the "Plan" After Betrayal w/ Tiffany Comiskey & Dr. Jake Porter
How Intimacy Clarifies Grief and Empowers Growth
When the addict, in particular, learns to walk through the partner's experience there is an empathic exchange that recreates a new story in the safety of being seen, heard, and felt. Grief is clarified in that the past takes on new meaning. Both the addicted partner and the betrayed partner begin to view their history as a shared truth. As a result, they are empowered to experience growth toward an entirely new and different relationship — one that is healthy and life-giving.
Links:
apsats.org
go.chooseconnectionsummit.com
daringventures.com/windell
Understanding Grief After the Discovery of Betrayal, with Dr. Jake Porter
Links for the episode:
APSATS.org
DrJakePorter.com
Show notes can be found here: shorturl.at/nBCGX
When Self-Help Hurts, with Dr. Jake Porter and Jessica Guillory
Addiction & Betrayal Q&A, with Dr. Jake Porter and Andrea Rogers, CPC
Couples Heal with Empathy, with Carol the Coach and Dr. Jake Porter
Links mentioned in the show:
APSATS.org
ChooseConnectionSummit.com
sexhelpwithcarolthecoach.com/
DrJakePorter.com
Tell the Truth: Using Polygraphs Effectively w/ Stephen Cabler & Dr. Jake Porter
Effective Advocacy After Spiritual Trauma w/ Stacey Sadler and Dr. Jake Porter
In this episode, Dr. Jake interviews APSATS Certified Clinical Partner Specialist Stacey Sadler, LPC, on her experience, both personally and professionally, facing spiritual trauma. Stacey also shares her thoughts on how those who have gone through such trials can become effective advocates for change within their faith communities.
Links in this episode:
APSATS.org
DrJakePorter.com
StaceySadler.com
BeautifulOutlaws.com