Blame It On the Vag

Sex and dating in your 60s and 70s? You better believe it! This week, we talk to our Vagina Bestie, Deb. She shares all about her journey navigating sex and dating in her 60s. There's something for everyone in this episode - regardless of age or gender. From dancing in the kitchen to not wasting a good erection, this hour is full of humor and sage advice. You won't want to miss this one!

And why can't Jennie pronounce it? This week, we’re talking pain with intercourse (that's what Dyspareunia means, besties). Like everything else involving our uterus, the causes are varied. Most of the time, the solution is usually the same and an easy fix (hint: it’s Abby’s favorite word). Other times, we have to get our OBGYN involved. Join us as we explore the many causes of Dyspareunia. And remember these wise words: Stay moist, besties!

This week, we're joined by our Vagina Bestie, Flo. She started her menopause journey last year. Flo takes us through hot flashes, advice from other sage besties who have been there/done that, and talks about your relationship on menopause. Let's hear it for HRT! Which may not be on your path, bestie. Each of us has a different journey through it, but the most important thing is Abby's favorite word: COMMUNICATION! (You thought we were going to say moist, didn't you?) Communication with your significant other, communication with your female relatives, communication with your besties. This isn't a journey we take alone. We follow the women before us, we walk with women beside us, and we leave our trails behind us to guide others. We've totally got this, besties! Stronger together!

Your Vagina Besties are back! We're kicking off Season Three with Phonying (totally a word) It In. This episode, we cover faking orgasms. Have you ever? You aren't alone! Fish fake it too. (We're Librarians so we're full of weird facts like fake fish orgasms). When it comes to humans, as many as 67% of women fake orgasms occasionally (while only 20% of their partners felt their wives/girlfriends might have faked it...awkward). Even 28% of men faked it themselves (okay, but how?)! We've got your statistics, the whys, and whether or not it's okay to phony it in, like ever. Abby and Jennie may fake their own orgasms every so often, but they'll never fake it with you, besties!

This week we are joined by Megan-Marie Pearson, Founder and Executive Director of PCOS Awareness Association. One of the biggest reasons we started this podcast was to get people talking about our vaginas and vagina related issues. Is Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome vagina related? Megan-Marie Pearson has all your answers including the struggle to get diagnosis, to acquire funding for research, and to spread awareness about this disease with it's wide ranging symptoms. Whether you've been diagnosed with it, suspect you have, or know someone who does, this podcast episode is for you! And, because it's us, we find a few laughs along the way.

This week, we talk all about the dreaded QUEEF! That embarrassing noise that happens when air that crept into our vag gets expelled. Usually it happens at the worst possible moment - during sexy time! But it can also happen during exercise. Or, according to one listener, when they stood up to give their presentation at the company meeting! Abby tallies hers. Jennie keeps a Queef Journal. Is Queef a medical term? Is Chronic Queefing a diagnosis? Your besties have you covered for all your Queef answers. Moistly, they just want you to know that queefing is normal. We can't control and we don't need to excuse it. Laugh that shit off and keep going!

This week, Jennie shares the things she's come across while researching vaginas for the podcast. Because if she has to read them, you all should have to hear them. We'll talk everything from marijuana tampons to lab grown vagina implants (science WUT?). We'll let you know whether it's better to use mayo, a glitter bomb, or Listerine on your vag. And we'll even answer the age old question, which is worse to fish out of your mouth: a hair, glitter, or a piece of yarn? Come laugh with us (and cringe a little too) as we take through a normal week on Jennie's search engine.

This week, your Vagina Besties cover all things Fibroid. We'll go over symptoms (heavy menstrual bleeding FTW), causes (doctors don't know the causes), risk factors (few known other than being a woman of reproductive age), and prevention (don't have a uterus). Let's face it, we'd know more about these if they grew on the tips of peniseseses (Abby swears that's how you say penis plural). 

Using our superior librarian research skills, we've got you covered (not in fibroids, ouch!), Besties. And we even name Jennie's 3 centimeter fibroid. Lumpy Uteruses unite!

Join your Vagina Besties for a game of Would You Rather: Vagina Edition! Abby and Jennie debate hard life questions like: Would you rather text a nude selfie to your boss or your parents? Fart every time you walk or every time you orgasm? Never have sex again or never have the internet again? Come laugh with them and find out which you'd rather. (We promise not to judge your answers!)

Your Vagina Besties take you through some Spooky legends in celebration of Halloween. Why is Jenny screaming? What color does the White Lady of Union Cemetery wear when she haunts? What's the story behind Bloody Mary (and why can't Abby remember that you're supposed to turn in a circle when you summon her)? Jennie also covers the Slit-Mouthed Woman and La Llorona. Abby weaves a few of her own, including The Covid Coochie.  

We know this one is a few days late - we wanted it to be like your period! 

This week, we Just Ask Abby...some more questions! When does a booty call turn toxic? What do you do when your boyfriend won't stop buying things you can't afford? Should you leave when your love has become merely transactional? How much smutty erotica reading is too much smutty erotica reading? Abby's got your answers and Jennie's got you covered with tips on how to make online dating more awkward. That's not a typo. You know Jennie, she's not going to make anything less anything.

Today, your Vagina Besties are talking with Tom Banter, producer of erotic audio. Phoenix opened the door for us a few weeks ago with her magic wand and Tom is escorting us through the dimly lit hallways of NSFW (Not Safe For Work) audio fantasies. One of the top content providers in his genre, he was kind enough to carve out a little over an hour from his very hectic schedule to answer all of Jennie and Abby's (but mostly Jennie's) questions. How much time does he spend working on an average day? What is his process like? And can he get Abby to do her homework? You won't want to miss this episode. 

You can find more of Tom Banter on his website: tombanter.com 

You can also find him on YouTube, Siren, and Reddit Gone Wild Audio. See our Facebook page for links.

The Mapuche say "A woman of striking appearance has a biting vagina." For a lot of men, there is nothing scarier than a vagina. Imagine adding teeth to it! Well, several cultures did and your Vagina Besties are here to tell those tales. In some, the woman is the hero (knocking them out with her iron phallus that is still worshipped to this day!). But in far too many others, the men are the heroes for conquering our vaginas and knocking out those teeth. Join us for the Legend of the Toothed Vagina. 

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, Vagina Besties (though it's every month for survivors). Join us as we listen to Sarah's Breast Cancer journey. She takes us through the horrifying beginning when they told her it wasn't cancer to diagnosis of 3B. She'll explain which type of Breast Cancer she had, her treatment and the long road to recovery. Sarah is a bad ass with a voice like sugar spun cotton candy. She's also a sage, full of wisdom and advice for all of us. 

This week we pay tribute to the Ultimate Vagina Bestie, the Notorious RBG. Unable to get hired by a New York Law Firm after graduating from Columbia, she ended her career as the 2nd female judge on the Supreme Court. Jennie takes us through her landmark cases leading up to being appointed by President Bill Clinton and confirmed 96-3. This episode is safe for the whole family. An abridged version of what made Ruth Bader Ginsburg so important to equal rights in this country.

This week your Vagina Besties wrap up their series on Birth Control with Male Contraceptives! Who wants to use a condom when you can sit in a tub of boiling water? Okay, it's not actually boiling, but it's 118 degrees so those little swimmers feel like they're boiling. Or they actually boil. We're not really sure on how it works, just that it does. If you don't want to go to that extreme, you're going to have to wait on the pill, the gel, or the shot. Unlike the side effects women put up with, it turns out men can't be expected to suffer through a headache, or mood swings, or weight gain so it's back to the drawing board until we can find something their fragile bodies can withstand. Actually, it's much more complicated than that. Listen, laugh, and learn all about where we're at with Male Contraceptives.

As we head back to school with our kids, whatever school looks like for you this year, Jennie decided to teach her own virtual class. Virtual vagina class. This one is better than a sale at Kohl's. Well, less expensive, less crowded, and no screaming toddlers anyway. We promise you'll laugh.

This week your Vagina Besties bring you a Blame It On the Vag tale. They rocket into the true crime story of Lisa Nowak aka The Sad Astronaut. For those of you needing a bit of a memory jog, she's the woman who became known for wearing space diapers so she didn't have to stop and pee on her way from Houston to Orlando to confront her ex-lover's new girlfriend.  Unbeatable protection so you can beat the competition. From her NASA diaper to the magic trench coat that held all her kidnapping supplies, Jennie and Abby take you through the ultimate My Vagina Made Me Do It. 

This week, your Vagina Besties talk more about YOUR vaginas than theirs (we know, it's a vagina miracle!). You asked your questions and Abby had your answers. Ever wondered if squirting is peeing? Or whether women can feel when a man ejaculates inside them? How about it circumcised or uncircumcised is better for health and pleasure? Like any best bestie, Abby's got you covered! She also shares what she likes when she's feeling a little "kinky" and claims Jennie will drink a gallon of...well, you should just listen. Unless your name is Linda or Susan. Moms, you're going to want to skip this one. 

This week your Vagina Besties talk about The Equalizer (and we don't mean a vibrator). We wax poetic for a bit about the empowerment of The Pill. One tiny medication gave women the power to determine when (and if) she was ready to have a family. We also discuss the gnarly side effects that women weren't informed of until after the 1970 Senate hearings in which no women testified (because why hear from people actually experiencing them??). Then, Abby plays a game of Would You Rather. Would You Rather take The Pill or wear a rabbit anus? Tune in to find out which Abby chose!

This week, Abby walks us through the 5 Love Languages while Jennie scrambles to find a flashlight. What's a Love Language? Let's play 4 Truths, 1 Lie:

Words of Affirmation: This is some kick ass coffee

Acts of Service: I made you this kick ass coffee.

Receiving Gifts: Here's a gift card to Starbucks so you can buy lots of kick ass coffees.

Quality Time: Let's grab kick ass coffee together.

Physical Touch: Get  your hands off my f^&$ing kick ass coffee.

You'll be able to spot the lie if you listen to this episode. And you'll also find out why Jennie needs to find a flashlight like yesterday.

This week your Vagina Besties talk Sex Cults. Join us for a look at Oneida (you thought they just did cutlery), Children of God, and NXIVM. Two thirds of cult members were recruited by friends or family members. So next time Karen asks you to go to yoga* or Chad suggests you join him for CrossFit**, maybe say no. Or have an escape plan. 

*Yoga is not a Sex Cult. Nor an actual Cult. In most cases. 

**CrossFit is not a Sex Cult. It's still an actual Cult though. Ask Jennie. She's in it. But she's not recruiting. She sucks at recruiting. She's really good at getting people to feel her bicep, bro. You can feel her bicep and not automatically be in the cult. We pinky swear. 

This week your Vagina Besties cover a history of birth control through the ages. Would you rather insert crocodile dung into your vagina before sex or drink a concoction of mercury and lead? Not your thing? If you can't abstain during your most fertile time (your period), just hold your breath during intercourse, then sneeze right after! Or you can try Abby's method: a weasel ball necklace. She swears it works better than the pull out method - and she would know. (spoiler alert: that's how she ended up preggers with her eldest).

This week your Vagina Besties dive into the land of audio porn, OnlyFans, and polyamory with our guest, Phoenix.  Find out if Phoenix's Magic Wand contains a unicorn hair and if she knows a spell that can get that pot roast out of Jennie's vag.

What's the weirdest thing you've put up your vag? Your Vagina Besties cover Abby's long list, Jennie's pork loin recipe, and ask that you please not put raw bacon in your vagina or use it as a bookmark (Really, people, we shouldn't need to say that.) Does anyone need a candle? Abby's got a few extra stored in case of a power outage.

This week your Vagina Besties are analyzing your dreams! Well, we're talking about wet dreams which is sort of like analyzing them? The brain loves to dream about the forbidden. Or, in Jennie's case, the co-workers. And the Super Hot Doc. Also, the Danny Trejo? Abby's dreams tend to be psychedelic and include Josh, Chris Pine, and a faceless stranger (she swears not at the same time). What does it mean when you have sex with your ex? Or your boss? Or that platonic friend? Jennie and Abby walk you through the most popular - and give you your survey results.  

This week your Vagina Besties are talking the magic of menstrual blood. From period sex to fertilizing your plants, we've got you covered in it. Well, metaphorically anyway. We don't want you showing up for work on Monday morning looking like the Carrie Prom scene. Come join us for a few laughs and learn the benefits of period sex and masturbation!

Intimacy doesn't just happen in the bedroom. Your Vagina Besties roll out some of their favorite ways to express it in other rooms of the house and even out in public. Abby likes it in the kitchen. Jennie loves it in the car. And, in typical Jennie fashion, we get a story about the time her grandparents were late for a family event because they had a quickie. Old people f*&% just like young people. Maybe even better. We think it's the intimacy outside the bedroom. 

Happy Monday Vagina Besties! Join us for a game of Who Wants To Be a Millionaire: Vag Edition with our special guest Brian Pruitt of the Frank and Beans podcast. We teach Brian some vag facts and he returns the favor. He'll explain the science behind blue balls, tell us if semen is keto friendly, and give us the speed of ejaculation. Who's ready for a semen placenta omelet?

Your Vagina Besties are here to walk you through Sports Vagina. Like those old diagnoses way back in the days of Hysteria, this term is wide ranging and extremely vague. Itching, burning, redness, rashes...or not? You might still have it. It might be a yeast infection or bacterial vaginosis or vestibulodynia (which Jennie pronounces differently every time she says it!) or it might be none of those but still something. Sound familiar? It's enough to drive an active girl crazy, but is it enough to ditch those yoga pants? And what kind of undies work best for those Go Big Or Go Home Workouts? And why is Abby's oldest referring to her as Karen now? We've got you covered with answers, survey results, and laughter!

We had numerous requests for an episode on how to talk to your daughter about masturbation. Your Vagina Besties have delivered. We roll out our best tips for you. There is no ONE way, there is no right way or wrong way, each child is different! This conversation will never not be awkward. Even if your daughter grows up to have her own Vagina podcast. But we're here for you with ideas on how to open that line of communication and keep it open. 

Things we learned in Sex Ed: Nobody wants to give their husband a chewed up oreo cookie on their wedding night.  Like a piece of scotch tape, our vaginas become less...we're not sure where they were going with that analogy but they stuck the tape to several football players arms and then compared it to a young woman who has sex with multiple partners. Sex is just for procreation. Sex is over when the man is done.

Things your Vagina Besties feel we should have learned instead: Go pee after sex! All vaginas are unique in shape, size, and color! What your hymen ACTUALLY is and the million different non-sex related ways it can break. Sex isn't shameful or just for procreation. Pulling out is NOT birth control. Anything LGBTQA (literally, anything because Jennie had no idea what she felt was normal and okay). Sex is FUN and BEAUTIFUL and MESSY and FUN (or you need a new partner!)! Come learn more in 40 minutes than you did in several years at school. 

Since May is International Masturbation Month, your Vagina Besties thought they should walk you through the difference between mainstream porn and Feminist porn (hint: The F is FUN! for EVERYONE). Blame It On the Vag just wants you living your healthiest, happiest vagina life and you can't do that if you're watching bad porn. We also go over survey results and find out if Abby got an A on her homework! How do you stump a librarian? Apparently, all it takes is the word 'healthily'...'healthiest'...'healthfully'....we get around it with a synonym! 

Jennie fell down a porn hole, then yanked Abby in with her. This quickie is a prelude to the one where we do full porn. Well, not literal porn. (Don't worry, we won't ever make you watch Abby's sex tapes!) We're just going to talk about it. A LOT. But for this episode, Jennie runs us through the difference between male driven and female driven porn. She also throws in a little clown fetish because if she had to know it was out there, so do you. Be warned: this little teaser comes with homework!

Your Vagina Besties reveal the results of "Where Have You Gotten Your Sexy On" and the answers may surprise you. Hot tubs, tents, and cars top the list. So does the roof? Judging by the number of people who have had sex on theirs, it's totally a thing! Who knew?? And Jennie isn't the only one who discovered sex on the beach is a tasty drink, but an awful sexperience. Come laugh with us and find a few new places to add to your F^($et List!

This week VSP (very special guest), Jess, joins us to talk about the fun times of Perimenopause. It's not all hot flashes and mood swings! Lower estrogen levels cause dry vag, the Abby itch, and painful sex (not the good pain either)! It also tricks the hypothalamus into thinking we're overheating, signaling our bodies to sweat, sweat, sweat so much your husband thinks you wet the bed (which might also happen due to urinary urgency or leakage). Laugh your way through the Top 15 symptoms of Perimenopause!

Your vagina besties dig through the creepy, the gross, and the funny places people have gotten their sexy on. From abandoned hospitals to the Great Wall of China, you'll be amazed (or, if you're Jennie, HORRIFIED) at some of these answers. Join us for a few laughs...and maybe a few places to add to your Bucket F^($ List.

The second half of our BEST commercials and print ads for feminine hygiene products. This one is better, we promise. Join us at Camp Gyno where periods are celebrated. Laugh with Kotex as they make fun of themselves over the years. Be inspired by the warrior women in BodyForm's Blood Normal campaign as they eat it on waves, trip on running paths, take punches in the ring, only to get back up and get after harder because "no blood should hold us back." The 2010s ushered in empowering ads and tampon/pad packaging so bright they could pass for Easter eggs.

Coronavirus is stressful, orgasms relieve stress. Join your vagina besties as they break down the many different types of orgasms (who knew?) and then go have one. Or two. Try a Coregasm. Or a Cervical Orgasm. Let's get adventurous and expand your definition of Happy Ending.

Join your Vagina Besties as we get to the the roots (pun intended) of landscaping our bush. From Cleopatra's sugar mixture to Roman woman and their pumice stones, we weed our way through the decades of mons pubis fashion. We cover pubic hair transplants, merkins, and 70s bush. Whether  you trim, wax, or go full bush, you'll laugh your way through this episode.

Helene isn't feeling the love for her Vag, Besties! We had to get to the bottom of her disdain for her vulva. From neighborhood blow jobs to roast beef sandwiches, we peeled it back layer by layer until she declared "all vaginas are beautiful, including my own!" Join us for your poll results and see how many people are besties with their vulva versus frenemies! 

Old timey ads and commercials promised us feminine hygiene products that were discreet, convenient, and a solution to our "problem." They were also condescending, ridiculous, and laugh out loudable (totally a word). Join your Vagina Besties as we roll out the best (and by that we mean WORST) feminine hygiene print ads and commercials. Why is everyone wearing white? How many cats is too many? and What's really in that plain, brown wrapped box Karen just picked up from the drugstore? 

Welcome to Season Two! You asked for a Sex Positions episode and your Vagina Besties have delivered. Is 69 the most divine? Does Doggy Style hit the right spot? Or are you a Good Ol' Missionary gal? We cover the positions you know and the ones you need to try. You don't have to limber up for this episode, but you'll definitely want to before you try the Butter Churner.

We're so EXTRA, we made an extra Extra. We're also so funny, we can make you laugh at PMS. Join your Vagina Besties for a final minisode until Season 2!

No one likes an extra period. Unless it's with your vagina besties! This extra is all you, listener. You emailed us, you posted on our Facebook page, you told us in person at the gym. We listened and now we're sharing (with your permission, of course)! 

From steel hoops that could stab you in the crotch, to tiny corsets, to bras you pump up with your mouth, we laugh our way through the decades of women's undergarments. Nipple bra, anyone? 

Join us as we pick apart Abby’s love life! We talk about dating as a single mom, when to introduce your kids, and advice for the newly divorced! Come get real with us, have a couple laughs and, if you’re one of Abby’s ex’s, see if you made the cut!

Join us as we go over all the things we call our vaginas to avoid saying the word vagina. From our listeners nicknames to the names throughout history, we guarantee you'll laugh out loud (and maybe come up with a new title for your Vagina).