Alaap with BMHM

In this month’s ALAAP episode, we have a special guest, Bushra, who runs the first BD sex education platform which is entirely written in Bangla. Bushra shares her journey on creating this platform and answers various questions that event moderators Unsha, Fairoz, and Naziat have. This is a very important conversation and helpful platform that is needed in our community due to the stigmas around sex in the Bengali community.

*CW* Content Warning: includes sexual assault, sexual violence, child abuse, rape, and violence

Resources - 

Ig: Bushraapa

In this month’s ALAAP episode, we have a special guest, Farzana, who is college friends with our event moderator Unsha! Farzana shares her mental health medication journey with us and answers various questions that event moderators Unsha and Tasnova have. We preface that anything mentioned in this episode is our own individual journey and that your experience may be different from ours. This means that we hope you stay curious and advocate for yourself especially when it comes to seeking the right kind of mental health care!

*CW* Content Warning: content involves mentions of suicidal ideation, various symptoms of major depressive disorder, and side effects to medication. 

Happy Holidays and Happy New Year from the BMHM team!

In this month's ALAAP episode, we started a new series: getting to know our BMHM team!

Events Moderators, Fairoz and Tasnova, had the honor to speak with the founder, Tazin, on what BMHM was and where it is now. Tazin was vulnerable enough to share what it means to be a “young” founder, a clinician, discussed her own therapeutic journey, and lastly mentioned some BIG NEW ANNOUNCEMENTS to look forward to with our team! Big events coming back! Make sure to stay up to date with our Instagram to know more details about the Gala this year and other upcoming events! We are all excited to meet our new and old viewers of this community!

In this episode, we included music by Sreeja Chakra! Please consider donating to Sreeja’s bandcamp! Her proceeds from ‘Ami Jaani’ will support BMHM's initiatives.

Resources: 

In this month's ALAAP episode, the moderators, Tasnova, Unsha, and Naziat discuss the concept of being alone and being lonely. During young adulthood (after college) people tend to blend the idea that being alone = lonely = sadness. However, being alone doesn’t have to mean that at all! Learning things about yourself each and everyday allows you to be comfortable in your own skin. The moderators discuss their personal hardships and journeys with being alone and help come up with skills and habits to be comfortable with yourself. This journey is not easy and it’s not meant to be, but taking it slow by showing yourself compassion and gratitude each day goes a long way!

Throughout the episode we included new music by Sreeja Chakra! Sreeja is a Queer Bengali South Asian artist and decolonization activist based in Denver, CO. Sreeja came out with a first single, “Ami Jaani,” on June 17th and the message connected to our BMHM mission and goals. Thus we decided to collab with Sreeja on this episode to show off the song as it represents the struggles and hardships of South Asian descent in all generations. Please show some love and support for Sreeja, links are down below!

Resources:

In this month's ALAAP episode, we bring back our special BMHM guest, Syeda, our compliance consultant! The moderators, Fairoz, Unsha and Tasnova, along with Syeda continue to discuss the effects of grooming in South Asian women in this part 2 episode!

Resources:

In this month's ALAAP episode, we have a special BMHM guest, Syeda, our compliance consultant! The moderators, Fairoz, Naziat and Tasnova, along with Syeda discuss their individual stories of the importance of becoming a good wife through grooming. From the pressures of needing to know how to make the roundest shaped roti, the best tasting cha, to looking a certain way for a future male suitor. We share what helped us/can help us create boundaries with parents in explaining that being a good wife should not be our identity or priority; it should not be required - it is a choice. We are allowed our autonomy to do what we wish, we desire, etc. 

Resources:

In this month's ALAAP episode, we have a special BMHM guest, Oyeshee, our outreach coordinator! The moderators, Fairoz and Unsha, along with Oyeshee talk about their individual spiritual journeys. From being forced into religion by parents/community, moving out and losing the spiritual connection and unintentionally judging others, to then ultimately find their way back to religion in some form - in their own autonomous ways - these stories are real and raw. These are vulnerable stories that are important to discuss in order to allow all of us to ask tough question, to be curious about your spiritual self, about your culture, and so on! The month of Ramadan is however you choose to spend it; Self-reflection and self-discovery in any capacity!

Resources:

IG Account: @themasgd - The Muslim Alliance for Sexual & Gender Diversity

Podcast: The Digital Sisterhood on Spotify and Apple Podcasts

In this month's ALAAP episode, the moderators, Tasnova, Unsha, and Naziat discuss the stigmas of body shaming that come about in our South Asian community. From media and clothes to what our aunties gossip about - we all grew up being told we had to look a certain way. We discuss how listening to what you want and what your goals are for your physical and mental health are more important than anything else.

*Content Warning* - Contains content involving anti-fat bias.

References:

IG Account: Ashlee Bennett, AThR @bodyimage_therapist

IG post about Body Image from @southasiantherapists: https://www.instagram.com/p/CanFOusKbz-/?utm_medium=copy_link

This month's topic: Different Types of Grief

In this month's ALAAP episode, we have a special guest, Tamara, who is a first generation Bengali-Palestinian. She is a journalist and currently works in Content Operations at Walt Disney. The moderators, Fairoz, Tasnova, and Naziat asks Tamara various questions about the different types of grief she experienced. We touched on the necessity of self-love during a friendship loss, job loss, and loss of a family member.

Tamara mentions a quote about grief that is beautiful to add here: “Grief is just love with nowhere to go.”

*Content Warning* - Contains content involving death. 

References:

This month's topic: Interpersonal relationships

In this month’s Alaap episode, our special guest, Zawaad, returns for a continued conversation on interpersonal relationships and childhood experiences. Fairoz, Tasnova, and Unsha together with Zawaad share stories about topics like divorce, romantic relationships, secrecy, and how our generations are breaking cycles to be more open and value self-care.

Zawaad’s First Album:

https://open.spotify.com/album/51jYMKDjtbMmgxeqIgjSWG?si=OpGiyMxgTXqLzWPhNAc3yw

This month's topic: Music with Mental Health

In this month's ALAAP episode, we have a special guest, Zawaad, who is studying audio engineering and produces music in his own studio. The moderators, Fairoz, Tasnova, and Unsha asks Zawaad various questions that involve discussing his journey in changing majors, having that conversation with his family, the importance of a support system, and how helpful therapy was.

Zawaad’s First Album:

https://open.spotify.com/album/51jYMKDjtbMmgxeqIgjSWG?si=OpGiyMxgTXqLzWPhNAc3yw

This month's topic: Trying to normalize the idea of dating before marriage in the South Asian community

In this month's ALAAP episode, Unsha and Tasnova discuss the mental toll it takes to have to hide relationships before marriage in the South Asian community. It is a common concept in our generation that we tend to do this when we want to have/pursue a romantic relationship that may not lead to marriage at all. It may be parents or relatives or other people in our community who judge those who do this. However, this topic is never discussed in articles or other podcasts when it should be because this concept should be normalized in our community. There are physical and mental dangers of hiding and sneaking around. The mental damage of shame, fear, and guilt harms us daily; what street we can and can’t be on, what lie to say, and so much more. Unsha and Tasnova are open to admit that there aren’t concrete coping techniques for this, however, understanding that love is to be felt and experienced by all of us - the secrecy and shame can be stopped and you can do what you wish as long as you believe in that. Having this conversation, we hope brings other to be more open, so our generation can break this cycle of shame and secrecy in relationships.

This month's topic: Creating various boundaries with parents

In this month's ALAAP episode, we discuss challenges on how to have difficult conversations with parents in our community. Our moderator, Tasnova, shares a personal struggle of how her future goals are different from what her parents want and this allows moderators, Naziat and Fairoz to discuss how to set boundaries with parents when it comes to having tough conversations. We discuss demands of marriage, plans of moving out, the benefit of setting physical boundaries, and ultimately having a good support system to have your back during this time. Not everyone will see eye to eye with you but that’s okay; believe in your own strengths and stand your ground in a healthy way.

Resources:

Bengali Mental Health Movement IG Post: Boundaries in the Bengali Household

This month's topic: Motherhood challenges and maternal mental health

In this month's ALAAP episode, we discuss challenges of motherhood, pregnancy, and maternal mental health. One of our moderators, Naziat, is a mother and discusses her own experiences of being a mother, the criticisms, the tough expectations and much more. We hope that this conversation helps listeners who are mothers - or will be future mothers - or are thinking of being one - become aware that you are not alone in the struggles or expectations from third parties. We discuss resources that may help show that parenthood has its difficulties but again that you’re not alone! It’s important to validate and fight for what you need and want as a parent, especially as a mother.

Resources:

This month's topic: Our personal perspective on unconventional parenthood

In this month's ALAAP episode, we discuss and share our personal opinions and perspective on parenthood. We have a very special guest joining in this episode, Unsha's partner, Farzan, who gives his male perspective on parenthood. We discuss the struggles of how family and friends may become overbearing with the notion of expecting children after marriage, and we have an open dialogue on how it should be a choice of whether or not kids are fit for you and your lifestyle. We discuss this topic in a way that we don't think has been discussed a lot, in that there is an option of choosing not to have children.

This month's topic: Therapy barriers and experiences 

In this month's ALAAP episode, we discuss and share our personal journey and/or struggle with therapy. We discuss the poll we had on our Instagram as well, which asked various questions about why or why not our community attends therapy, how it has helped, and ultimately their experience with it. We mention cultural competency, money/insurance concerns, bad client/therapist rapport, and more! We discuss ways to stay educated on this topic by attaching various directories below, that may help you find your therapist if you’re looking. We also attached statistics and graphs on therapy that we’ve briefly discussed in today’s episode!

Resources:

https://www.bustle.com/wellness/asian-american-communities-mental-health-wellness-resources-social-media

IG post by browngirltherapy: https://www.instagram.com/p/CRMseVJlQrd/?utm_medium=copy_link

Directories:
https://drive.google.com/file/d/117ZmCb7l8SF7AuUN2-3rbmq3ea2gpcGK/view

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists

https://openpathcollective.org/

https://secure.helloalma.com/providers-landing/

This month's topic: Challenges of communicating with in laws. 

In this month's ALAAP episode, we discuss adjusting to new change in regards to managing life with in laws. Usually during the summertime, it's wedding season and that means there will be new changes and adjustments in a family household. We explore ways to adjust to these new systems while still standing our ground, how important open communication is, and how learning from past generations can help bring awareness and openness to present and future generations. Even if you may not relate to this topic, these conversations can be related back to any form of relationship or friendship. Creating boundaries are important and is a skill to be learned with time, so go slow. 

Resources: 

This month's topic: Challenges with Spirituality

In this ALAAP episode, we discuss interpersonal challenges we, the moderators, have faced this month (spiritually, culturally, etc)  from our own intersectionality perspectives. These are entirely our own personal challenges and experiences and we are not speaking for the general Bengali public but if we’re facing these challenges than many others may be too. This is a way to start having these important and difficult conversations to help others not feel alone. We hope that this episode brings you some clarity that you are not alone and this is a no judgement zone! 

Resources: (these are lists of sources that helped us, the moderators, learn and grow through our spiritual challenges and may help you too!)

Podcast: Honest Tea

Book: Rumi's Little Book of the Heart by Rumi

Book: A Flying Rose by Sabah Ahmad

This month's topic: Substance Abuse

In this ALAAP episode, we discuss what substance abuse is in terms of the physical and mental toll, addressing the stigma of substance use in the South Asian Community, as well as expressing various treatment services available in New York. Substance abuse is a very important topic and such a taboo in our community, but it can happen to any of us, you're not alone. If you or someone you know is struggling with substance use, there are services linked below to help, but ultimately just trust yourself, trust the clinicians, and listen to those who are struggling and may need help. 

*Content Warning* - Contains content involving overdose, death, and other consequences of substance abuse.

Resources:

Links to Services mentioned:

This month’s topic: Supporting Anti-Racism and Anti-Colorism.

For this month's ALAAP episode, the moderators introduce a new moderator/podcast host, Naziat Hassan. We come together to discuss various articles pertaining to the decades filled with racism and how it impacts their mental health. In addition, we discussed how people are treated differently by the color of their skin, how it tends to happen a lot in South Asian households and social engagements, and how wrong and unjust this is. Lastly, they discuss various ways to support Black people and most importantly to always be educated and willing to learn.

This month’s topic: Masculinity and Mental Health 

In this month’s ALAAP episode we have a special guest: Naved Khan, who is here to give his male perspective on mental health. He sheds light on masculinity in terms of what it means to him, how he tackles through it in his day to day life, and what helps him push through it all. 

Below are the links to the articles used and discussed in today's episode:

During these uncertain times, we offer you a guided meditation in Bangla to manage stress and help reconnect with yourself. This meditation includes calming messages in our mother tongue that can bring forth feelings of comfort and much-needed support. 

Guided meditations are for anyone who would like to bring calm to their day through breathing techniques, restorative practices, and positive affirmations. By making time to just breathe you can help yourself feel more relaxed.

This 3-minute meditation was made for the Bengali diaspora community by Teresa Gomes, Yoga & Meditation Teacher and Founder of Sisters Across Oceans.

****************

This month’s topic: Gaslighting.

For this month's ALAAP episode, the moderators come together to discuss more in depth of what gaslighting is, the different environments and relationships where gaslighting may occur, discuss personal experiences to further show that this happens anywhere, even when you least expect it. In addition, we discuss ways to support victims of gaslighting. You are not alone; you are kind, sweet, resilient, and are deserving of love.

Note: People who are concerned about themselves being gaslighted should consult with a professional on how to navigate difficult conversations. Gaslighting occurs in various forms and varies by personal circumstances, so definitely consult with a professional or someone you trust. 

This month's topic: Domestic Violence. 

October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month but even as this month comes to an end, the important discussion that we started today should be recognized and should not end; this is only the beginning. 

**Content Warning: Contains descriptive information about domestic violence in various different forms. 

If you need assistance or want to talk to someone about domestic violence call: 1-866-331-9474 to speak with a trained peer advocate. 

Below are the links to the articles used and discussed in today's episode: 

During these uncertain times, we offer you a guided meditation to manage stress and help reconnect with yourself. 

Guided meditations are for anyone who would like to bring calm to their day through breathing techniques, restorative practices, and positive affirmations. By making time to just breathe you can help yourself feel more relaxed. 

This 15-minute meditation was made for the Bengali diaspora community by Teresa Gomes, Yoga & Meditation Teacher and Founder of Sisters Across Oceans. 

****************

About Teresa | Zen with T