It's the Journey

I can't believe I've recorded 100 episodes!

This idea I had over 5 years ago that took a couple of years to come to fruition has been so fun and rewarding.

I've had the honor of sitting down with so many amazing and inspiring people to dive into their stories and wisdom.

On this Thanksgiving day I'm so grateful to all the people who have helped me, encouraged me, and said yes to joining me on the show.

I took some time in this episode to dive deeper into this.

Mentions:

I'm super excited to publish this 99th episode that is a conversation I had with one of my dearest friends and a truly inspiring human being, Chelsea Ritter-Soronen. Chelsea is the Sole Proprietor and Principal Artist of Chalk Riot, which is Washington D.C. based company with "an all-women mural crew specializing in vibrant pavement art, including ephemeral chalk art, “3D” illusionary and immersive works, and industrial roadway installations". She and her amazing team just celebrated their 10th year as a business!

In the time I've known Chelsea I've watched her grow Chalk Riot from a dream to company that is doing HUGE, complex, beautiful projects around the country.

This list of accomplishments and projects Chelsea manages is amazing.

There are so many life lessons in this episode. I know you'll love it.

I just finished my 6th week in Italy and am taking a break with my studies to explore a little.

I took a break to share what I've learned so far and I shares some of the thoughts I've been chewing on as I explore. What I did not do, however, is comb my hair. :)

This week I'm delighted to bring you Sarah Woodard. Sarah is an experienced solo traveler who has been to over 90 countries! I'm so grateful that she took time from her busy life to share her wisdom and stories on It's the Journey.

It takes courage to set out to achieve the things we want to do, have, and be in our lives. It's easy to wreck our confidence if we don't take care to protect it.

In this episode I took some time to chat about this and expand on some of the ideas in my latest blog post on Substack. If you haven't seen that here's the link!

This is my first episode I've recorded on the road since last year. I'm back in Italy again pursing my own dreams. This time instead of moving around so much, I'm settling in various places to to live and learn.

In this episode I had a fun and insightful conversation with Psychologist Rachel Michelle.

Rachel PhD candidate working hard on her dissertation “Healing Women’s Health: An Intimate Depth Psychological Inquiry"

She took time out of her schedule to dive into topics that include:

• Discovering what we are meant to do
• Learning to suspend our fear and lean into suffering to see it as a teacher
• Learning to have Psychological Faith to look for the meaning in our suffering
• What is our shadow self?
• Finding our shadow in others
• What is Individuation?
• And her amazing insights as she works to bridge the gaps in Depth Psychology and Women's health.

Rachel is a delightful human being full of wisdom and useful insights. I'm so grateful she took time to share them here.

“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”
― C.G. Jung

I've spoken here and shared in my book what a powerful tool therapy was for me, especially what Carl Jung called Shadow Work, which Ken Wilber described as shining light into the recesses of our soul.

This week I was delighted to have a conversation with Tonje Moe about her experience with a form of art therapy that also helped her dive into her dreams to learn how to use them on her journey.

Tonje is an amazing artist from Norway who was named in the prestigious publication 100 Painters of Tomorrow in 2014, and has received numerous grants, awards, and public commissions. She shared a bit of her journey that has taken her from Norway to Scotland, Australia, and back again to her beautiful Norwegian homeland where she lives with her lovely family and creates magical art that is often inspired by her dreams.

This is a great episode to learn more about therapy, art therapy, dream analysis, and learning to listen to your dreams.

“Think of yourself as dead. You have lived your life. Now, take what's left and live it properly. What doesn't transmit light creates its own darkness.”― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

Figuring out or even rediscovering your dreams that you may have buried is one of the most important things you can do with your life. I took time in this episode to share some tools I've learned that have helped me on my journey.

“Success requires persistence, the ability to not give up in the face of failure. I believe that optimistic explanatory style is the key to persistence.”
― Martin E.P. Seligman

The news and social media are awash with negativity. It seems everyone is telling us what's wrong, who is bad, who is at fault, and why we should be angry and scared.

It's overwhelming sometimes.

So, this week I am excited to bring a conversation I had to to you with Dr. Marsha J. McCartney. Dr. McCartney is a professor of Psychology at the University of Kansas who specializes in the field of positive psychology. In this episode we touched on the following:

Last week I had the pleasure of sitting down with Ellen Green Niedringhaus. During our conversation she told me the story about how a yoga class sparked a passion in her that altered her path and journey. She followed that passion and it lead her to becoming a yoga teacher, studio owner and entrepreneur.

I've witnessed this so many times in my life and at a personal level. To me it highlights the absurdity of the pressure that is put children when it comes to college. This pressure along with a lack of skills taught around self knowledge, skills assessment, career choices, and financial literacy lead millions to making poor emotionally driven decisions that trap people in a lifetime of debt and often unfulfilling careers.

This week I dove into thoughts around this that will hopefully be helpful to anyone who might making life choices around school and careers or maybe anyone who is helping a child, grandchild, niece, nephew or even students make these impactful life assessments and decisions.

Highlights:

• Help kids or yourself think about what problems you want to solve versus what "you want to be".
• Think about the kind of income that is even possible from a field of study and possible career and asses both the cost to obtain the education as well as potential earnings.
• Explore all options to keep debt low like local schools, taking longer to study while working.
• If you find yourself with student loans make a plan on how you'll get rid of them. Financial planning is profoundly helpful in making big decisions around budgeting, career choice, major purchases, and how to spend your time and money. I've found planning, coaching, and therapy to be a powerful combination.
• Finding the a mentor or even the right book can help you on your path.

I was so honored to sit down with Ellen Green Niedringhaus this week to talk about her journey. While raising 2 amazing children Ellen is also an inspiring yogini, yoga teacher, and owner of 2 lovely yoga studios that are beautiful communities full of great students and rock star teachers.

Ellen is just a lovely, inspiring soul full of grace, joy, and wisdom that she loves to share.

Years ago while working as a paralegal she took a yoga class one day and was so inspired by how it made her feel that she had to follow that feeling to see where it would go.

That one class and her courage to say yes to something that called her lead her to yoga teacher training, becoming a teacher, starting a yoga studio and then taking on another! Watch or listen now to the many lessons Ellen takes from her yoga practice into her life.

If your curious about her studios or giving yoga a try, take a class at one or both of her beautiful studios with any of her amazing teachers.

Learn more about classes and teacher training opportunities here. Give her studios a follow to stay informed and inspired!

This week I was so lucky to sit down and have a conversation with Barbara Ginty! Barbara is a Certified Financial Planner who in a addition to having a successful practice has an amazing podcast called Future Rich Podcast. She has published over 200 episodes packed with information to help you gain financial literacy and get comfortable with things you should be thinking about to in your financial planning.

Barbara has has been featured on Yahoo Finance, NY Post, Refinery29, NBC, and CNBC. She is also one of the female advisors chosen to contribute to the Money Diaries Book, which was published in 2018.

To learn more about Barbara's amazing female hosted and female focused podcast, check out her website that has tons of useful tools and information about courses she offers!

“We are not rich by what we possess but by what we can do without.” 

Immanuel Kant 

“If all you want is more, you’ll never have enough” 

Me :)

In this this episode I’ll dive into some thoughts that have been bouncing around my head for awhile concerning what abundance and ambition means and Can mean for you as you make your way through life.

When we say yes to our dreams and follow the threads that pull at our hearts, it can lead us to new places and new people.

My Yes Ands, as I shared in AfterLIFE, Waking up From My American Dream) lead me across the ocean to the homeland of my grandparents and that journey, with the help of Rick Steves, lead me to Jackie Alio!

Last fall before I hike across Sicily, I spent 2 hours wandering the streets of Palermo like a kid in a candy shop absorbing the stories and lessons Jackie shared with me. In preparation for my next trip to Sicily I've begun reading some of her books. I was absolutely delighted when she said yes to coming on the show to share some of the things we talked about and to expand on the books she has written, including her soon to be released book: Kingdom of Sicily, 1130-1266, The Norman-Swabian Age and Identity of a People.

This week I took some time to try to crystalize some of the thoughts that were bouncing around my head on my hike through the mountains of Sicily from Palermo to Messina.

Part of the reason one does such a trip is to hopefully think about aspects of our lives and I did just that for hours each day. For nearly 30 days during my stay in Sicily I lived out of a backpack. I became very conscious of my things and was aware of why I carried each item and the purpose it could serve. I cannot say the same thing for all the stuff I still have in my home, which is massively reduced from what it used to be and from what the average American owns.

In consciously streamlining my life, my possessions, and commitments of my time and money have profoundly changed my life for the better and I'm searching for ways to continue this. My life on the road reinvigorated me for this project.

I've shared some of my thoughts here!

In this Episode I mentioned 2 other episodes where I discussed how simplification of my life has help me. Find those here:

"Tell me what you pay attention to and I will tell you who you are.”
― José Ortega y Gasset

I've have had many episodes where I spent time discussing planning and goal setting, but I haven't hit on the importance of our Values and how much they drive us in the right direction.  

This week I'm excited to share this wonderful conversation I had with Julie Boll, CDTLF, CPCC on the importance of Values.  Julie's 20 years of experience as a Dare to Lead Facilitator "people and organizations get clear on where they want to go and how they will get there. And then help them hold themselves accountable to propel their organizations forward." (from her website)

About Julie:

As a certified Dare to Lead facilitator (CDTLF),  Julie Boll teaches people how to lead and live more courageously using the Dare to Lead framework developed by Dr. Brene Brown.  Julie is the founder of Julie Boll Consulting, a consulting firm dedicated to helping people and organizations make the most of their time, energy and resources so they can maximize their impact on the community.  Julie is a former grants professional with a $10 million track record in awarded grants and over 20 years experience in the nonprofit sector, serving in marketing, public relations and grant development roles. Julie is a Certified Professional Co-Active Coach (CPCC), and McNellis Compression Planning® facilitator. Julie holds a Bachelor's Degree in Public Relations and a Masters Degree in Education, both from Quincy University.

Learn more about Julie's services here: 

"I always resented all the years, the hours, the

minutes I gave them as a working stiff, it

actually hurt my head, my insides, it made me

dizzy and a bit crazy — I couldn’t understand the

murdering of my years

yet my fellow workers gave no signs of

agony, many of them even seemed satisfied, and

seeing them that way drove me almost as crazy as

the dull and senseless work."

Charles Bukowski, American Poet

It’s so funny now how quickly themes and topics rise and fall on the interwebs bringing forth discussion, arguments, debates, judgment, snarky sniping and lots of hashtags.

Quiet Quitting is the newest thing I’ve been seeing, and like so many other issues today people seem to quickly organize themselves into 2 camps on an issue. Is it good, or is it bad? From a guy who lived what I feel like was a half life for the first 40 something years of my life…quiet quitting scars our souls and robs us of OUR precious lives. Henry David Thoreau said “The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation. What is called resignation is confirmed desperation.” I remember reading that with the sting of knowing that is what I was doing, but I didn’t believe that I could or deserved any better.

At the same time, American corporate culture has more than quietly quit the teams of people it needs to survive. Expecting no work life balance, no boundaries, and a pizza lunch to make up for eeking out a living while the CEO and upper management are raking in ridiculous incomes and will lay off thousands if needed to cut costs and keep their bonus. Casual Friday and Employee of the Month awards were supposed to make up for no real vacation time and being held captive at your employer by your health insurance. Because of how so many companies treat their employees, I can understand where this comes from…but it’s toxic for EVERYONE.

For me, when I find myself in anything that I’ve quietly quit or I’m in a relationship, friendship situation that has quietly quit ME, I set a goal to fix it or remove myself from that as quickly as possible. Immediately when possible. With this mindset, I’ve deconstructed virtually every aspect of my life in the last decade, and you can too.

What is Quiet Quitting?

I've written and talked about how our time in covid was like a collective time out for many of us, and if you've been following and listening a while you know during my timeout, I restructured a huge part of my life.  I was delighted to find yet another example of someone who did this as well who wanted to share their journey with you.

Everett Morley took her time during covid to make changes with her career and relationship.  In this episode she shared that story as well as how meditation and time alone in nature has been helpful for her.  

Here were some things I took away from this fun episode:

Saying YES to our dreams and stepping forward in that direction, even if we don't have the answers or feel ready, is SO important.  

Diane Marie did just that and she shares her beautiful stories and wisdom with us here.  I was inspired and so grateful for our time together, and I know you will love her story too. 

Here are some key lessons I loved hearing and want to capture:

• Years before she knew she wanted to create this company that captured her love of candles, travel, and Italy (where she was born and raised for the first 9 years of her life) Diane Marie knew she wanted to be an entrepreneur. Even though she didn't know in exactly what way, she said yes to that dream and began reading and studying to be prepared
• When the idea came she was ready and launched into it (during covid like I did with this project!)
• Diane Marie shared how journaling has been an important part of her journey to: set goals, reflect on her progress, record her emotions, and cultivate an attitude of gratitude to keep her confidence up as she moved in the direction of her dreams.

This episode is so fun and full of stories and advice you can take action on. Give it a listen and please check out Italy in a Jar Candles and give her a follow on social media and her newsletter!

The cost of a thing is the amount of what I will call life which is required to be exchanged for it, immediately or in the long run.”

Henry David Thoreau, Walden

From time to time I see snarky comments floating around the internet with folks commenting about how they’ve been paying rent for 10 years without missing a payment, but the banks won’t qualify that person for a house. I absolutely understand the frustration but it comes from a partial understanding of the trust cost of owning a home.

Home ownership has become one of the defining features of the American Dream and it can be quite devastating and difficult for people who see this dream as a part of life and also forever out of reach.  The insane housing market now coupled with high rents is making this feel worse.  I’ll tackle renting vs. Owning another time. Today, as part of a series I want to do on financial literacy, I’d like to dive into what it means to be able to “afford” a thing and in this case specifically a house.

Before I start, I’m not giving any specific financial advice, just broad observations from my personal experience as a homeowner and a former financial planner for the previous 27 years.

Ok with that out of the way, let’s dive into what I mean.

First, banks do want to lend money and to as many people as possible who can pay them back with interest. Lenders are customers.  The reality is, sadly, that a huge number of people who did “qualify” to buy a house, can’t really afford it, or at least that house, and it has a profound impact on their lives.

When you “qualify” for a loan they banks look at your credit score to see what kind of risk you might be from your history, your loan to value ratio, and your debt-to-income ratio. The rule of thumb I was taught in my training as a financial planner was the 30% rule. That is, spending 30% of your income on housing is a good place to start.

Problems:

“I believe a desirable future depends on our deliberately choosing a life of action over a life of consumption, on our engendering a lifestyle which will enable us to be spontaneous, independent, yet related to each other, rather than maintaining a lifestyle which only allows us to produce and consume.”

Ivan Illich

The lessons I learned in AfterLIFE weren’t intentionally meant to be about minimalism, but stumbled into what many would call that. I don’t like that or the notion of “downsizing” because they imply only doing without and ignore what one is gaining. Conserving the resources of time and money by “minimalizing” offers the freedom to use that time and money in more life enhancing ways.

After my divorce, I simply had fewer things, a smaller home, and no yard. My first impulse was to work hard to replace all those things, but then I saw I had less things…but more time. More space for living, learning, growing, creating, and experiencing. As a father, I could say “yes, I do have time to play” instead of “no, we have to do yard work this weekend”. I haven’t mowed, raked, weeded or any of those, for me, mind numbing wastes of life in 11 years and haven’t missed them one time. If you have a home and enjoy those things then you are living your life as you wish and good for you! But, most people I’ve met do those things because they think they have to. I’ve saved thousands of hours of life, and tens of thousands of dollars by “minimalizing” and “downsizing”. I did something that implied doing without or having less, but I used the freed up time and resources to have a life time of adventures, learn new skills, and build financial security for myself. Less consumption has lead to more time, freedom, and joy. Less stress and anxiety, and less waste of life.

My time in the COVID lockdown reinforced this again. Suddenly there we 500 hours of time freed up by things I couldn’t do and things I didn’t have to do. I used that time to finish and publish my book, launch a podcast, structure a deal to sell my financial planning practice and being a new chapter in life, and dive into some therapy to work through some shadows that the pandemic stirred up. Instead of focusing on the things I couldn’t do, I dove into things I could do with all the found time. (IMPORTANT NOTE: I want to acknowledge what a privilege it was that I had a profession that allowed me to keep working safely at home. I know millions couldn’t do that.) 

Last year when I announced that I was exiting my career as a financial planner people were curious about two big things:

1) What was I going to do?

2) How did I know I could do it?