Church Mouse Chronicles
By M & B
Church Mouse ChroniclesApr 08, 2020
Mice Pilgrimages: Dubrava Monastery
In the first episode of the series we've been meaning to make since forever M & B are joined by M's family to visit the beautiful Dubrava Monastery on the slopes of the Zlatibor mountain. We talk about and share our experiences of this hidden jewel of asceticism that was founded in a very miraculous manner.
Patriarch Porphyrios - Man for All Seasons
Serbs finally got their patriarch and we comment on multiple facets: what were people hoping for during the elections? Did even the atheists have their preferred candidate? (Yes) How difficult is to be a patriarch? (Very) Will we stray from the subject? (Yes)
Bishops, Government and Miscellanea
Today we talk about... well, everything. Bishops, electing the new Serbian patriarch, how the Serbian constitution from the 19th century treated slavery, prayer for the government, the people in power... you know, all the things normal people talk about in their spare time! And now you get to listen to it! Hint: a small treat in the end.
Are Orthodox Christians Toxic Online Or Salt To The World?
Well, Twitter's dark pattern design is at it again, for the sole purpose of pitting us against one another. After a minor Twitter scuffle, we share some of our thoughts and opinions: why do Orthodox Christians have a reputation of toxicity online? Does it have to do with the Faith, or with demographics, or is there some maleficent part of Twitter's design that crunches out arguments and senseless fights? Is humor a problem? And finally - how can we do better at witnessing Christ both to one another and to those outside of the Church?
The Don’t Let TikTok Kill Children Challenge
Ok, so B triggered the Church of Satan on Twitter, and someone called him an Ecumenist (nothing new nothing novel). But that's not important because we're losing children to TikTok challenges!
Freelancers In Serbia, Feel The Pain
Being a freelancer in Serbia is no longer fun. Join us as we venture through the bogs and moors of Serbia's bureaucracy hell. Ever heard the famous hits "The eco tax" or "You need the company seal to accept this letter"? Well we who live in this Ship of Fools have. Finally, another rant episode, we didn't have one for so long.
Our Christmas and Scary Story Dice
Well, we've had quite an eventful start of the year, but first, let us focus on what is the most important: How did we spend our Christmas festivities? Do the two of us ever miscommunicate, and how epic can it be? We also tell our own (lame) spooky story based on the story dice, an amazing way to get your kids' (and yours!) imagination crackin'!
Council of Saints: Holy Martyr Deacon Habakkuk of Belgrade and Holy Martyr Hegumen Paisios
“There is no better faith than that of Christians,
a Serb belongs to Christ, he rejoices at death;
The dread judgment of God awaits for Turks as well,
So do as you please!
Your comeuppance is close at hand
God is the witness and His is the justice!”
Troparion, 4th tone
As true soldiers of Christ,
you shone forth with meekness and humility
and for Christ you suffered courageously,
O Holy Martyrs Paisius and Habakkuk,
but your deaths proclaim to all
hat it is better to die for Christ and for one’s country
than without Christ to gain the whole world.
Kontakion, 3rd tone.
In this world you lived like angels
and by your lives fulfilled the Gospel.
You laid down your souls for faith and country,
in death you showed yourselves to be stronger than your tormentors,
therefore we celebrate your memory,
O holy venerable martyrs Paisius and Habakkuk.
What Are We Thankful For In 2020?
In today's episode, we share what are we thankful for in 2020. And then the earthquake hits.
Time Management & Censing Course
Today, we share our secrets on how we fail our own time management principles. We also share principles that we do not fail at, as well as our controversial censing techniques. Waste an hour with us as we tell you how to organize your time - but also tell us how do you manage your to do lists!
Sorthodox Cabinets with Martha
Oh goodness. Oh God. I just stepped in cap. I should clean that. Uh, rambling discussion in theology that ends up with too many cabinet puns.
Martha's "Insta" here: @soloandincensed.
We Review Our 2020 New Year Resolutions
The time is nigh for us to review our New Years's resolutions. Of course when we made them we didn't know that the year 2020 will be THE year 2020. Thankfully, in hindsight, at least one of us made his resolutions to be very corona-friendly. The other guy managed to check his checkboxes for at least some of his (less important) resolutions. Which one is which? Let's find out!
A Journey Through Serbian COVID Hellscape And Back
In today's very serious episode we follow M, his brother and his father to HELL (and back!) - by 'hell' we mean the crumbling health system of a corruption-based, poverty-struck country that's nothing more than a plaything of world powers and pestilential winds. Pardon B's French.
Brigid and the Minefield of Pandora's Boxes: Her Journey to Orthodoxy
Brigid is back so we finish where we left off - to answer the question how did she convert to Orthodoxy? What were her struggles? What was the most clickbaity title we could have chosen for this episode in order to optimize clicks, likes and subs? When is your feminism and secularism a mere foil for your jealousy? Thankfully, we have our lovely Brigid to answer all of these questions for us and inspire us to open 5 more hard questions! Stay tuned for our very special guest!
Conflicting News On The Serbian Patriarch
A serious episode today. As you might have heard, the Patriarch of Serbia Irinej has passed away due to Covid-19-related complications. You might have also heard that he's still alive and in critical condition. We discuss our own thoughts and feelings over this confusion as regards to health of His Holiness, as well as on the less than stellar approach of the Serbian Church to spreading information.
During the episode we mentioned a newly founded humanitarian organization: Kosovsko Pomoravlje (kosovskopomoravlje.org). Sadly they don't seem to have an English version of the website.
It's a Monastery Thing - With Brigid (Guest Episode)
How do we approach the lockdown measures from the Church point of view? How to deal with kids as they grow up to find their church under a lock? Just how controversial is veiling in the Church, is it at least cool? Can we get in trouble over it? What are the dark sides of living in a country with a predominant Orthodox population? How does it feel for your husband to get you in touch with a celebrity? We sift through these questions casually and carelessly with lovely Brigid! Texas meets the Balkans, and it's okay!
Catchup Episode (On St. Luke, Halloween and Met. Amphilochius)
Wanna see how friends catchup after 2 weeks? :) You're right, "friends" might be taking it too far. But we talked about many things with a smile, join us :) Hint: Troparion to Met. Amphilochius played at the end of the video was written and sang by a church custodian from Belgrade, Serbia. May The Lord reward him for his heart. Full version in Serbian available here: https://youtu.be/4fg0mV53uJo and in English here: https://youtu.be/fFfRUtvBhyk
Mice VS Ivan The Teenager
Our new special guest is an altarboy, a judoka, a Russian, an American and a teenager - and an aspiring physicist! What are his altarboy pet peeves? What is in vogue with today's youth? Physics, really? Find out that and more in the next episode of Teen Mice Chronicles!
Austin Suggs, Protestant Consultant From Gospel Simplicity
The mice have their own Official Protestant Consultant! His name is Austin and he's awesome, as you'll see within the first 15 minutes of our conversation. Austin runs a great Christian YouTube channel that goes by the name "Gospel Simplicity" where he explores Christianity from the lenses of different Christian faiths. He has just discovered Orthodoxy so let's cut him some slack :P Sub to him tho, he'll be having some prominent Orthos as guests on his channel in the days to come.
We Failed To Record An Episode So You Get THIS Instead!
We wanted to record today so badly! But life (and our town manager Mr. Idiot) said NO! So we give you an impromptu, raw account on our failed day today. Enjoy if possible. 😂
There Is An Impostor Among Us
Electrical. Sus. Impostor. Not 'Imposter'. Where? Vent. Emergency meeting. Report. Crewmate. Meltdown. Sabotage. Download. Wiring. If these words don't mean anything to you in succession, you're missing a bandwagon to the world's most trendy game of 'Among Us.' There is an impostor amongst the crewmates of a spaceship. Two of those crewmates are mice... or is one of them an Impostor? We share our thoughts and the experiences of the game.
Eastern Orthodox Half-Jew Half-Sorcerer
In this one we have a special guest whom we decided to describe with the most click-baity keywords we could think of (hopes up that YT doesn't automatically ban us or something). It would be a major mistake to reduce him to a walking conspiracy theory though, as he is so much more! We do not refrain from asking him politically incorrect questions, and he does not disappoint with his answers.
Livestream Numero Uno
We are trying this new 22nd century tech over here and we are ready to engage. People were so cool in comments BTW :)
Conspiracy Theories 2, Hot Takes
Okay, you guys really liked our previous episode... or not, we have no idea, we're writing this stuff in bulk, who knows if it even got published?! Yeah, what about 5G frogs? So anyway, for this episode, we have a poisoned treat for you: we share our personal thoughts on the most popular conspiracy theories! What about the best conspiracy theories? We don't know anything about those. They're conspiracies, after all. And theories. 5G frogs will rule the world.
Conspiracy Theories
Your two favorite lizards ...err ... mice ... have formed a cabal in order to rule the world .. of YouTube podcasts ... by unleashing 5G frogs that breathe chemtrail upon every vaccinated soul on this flat disk we call Earth. The mice talk about conspiracy "theories" (wink wink) as a way to throw you off their track.
We Do Not See The Other Person
Times are changing. Our daily lives are becoming increasingly more self centered. In such a climate, it is all too easy to focus entirely on ourselves and simply lose sight of others. Our mice have that exact issue: we fail to see the person we are conversing with, and in doing so, we need to ask ourselves - is the walrus that is far away less important than what the wild dog in our vicinity!?
The Churchnapping of Hagia Sophia
In another entry to the huge book of 'Persecution of Christians' we add the taking of the famed cathedral of Haghia Sophia. Mind you, it was a functional cathedral nearly 600 years ago. Then it became a mosque, then a museum, and now, strange people with foreign customs have deemed it right to snatch this jewel of Christianity before our very eyes. How should we as Christians react to this tragedy? The mice share their thoughts.
Mice Talk About Their Childhood 1/2
We left the previous episode at a cliffhanger. What was the TV show based on a game or whatever that starts on "M" that B loved when he was a kid? Well, in this one, M solves the puzzle, and we get to learn even more about B's creepy childhood. Don't worry, M's childhood was normal. The dream from the previous episode was an anomaly really.
Mice Talk About Their Childhood 1/2
Our mice share their dreams and memories of their childhood. What were their neighborhoods like? Whose parents nearly divorced over a horror movie? Who suffers more from nostalgia? This is the episode where half of our childhoods are revealed! Also, M had the weirdest dream...
Mice & Covid 19: Our Experience and Social Background
Well, the mice have pulled through, thanks to M resourcefulness and no thanks to B's initiative. What does having corona feel like? How many people did we spread it to? Are people in Serbia protesting over new curfew measures or is there something deeper behind all of it? Join us, but don't get too close. A little farther. Farther. A little more. There.
Mice On Cancel Culture
What does it take to make B go from a nice church mouse to a rabid rat? Cancelling his favorite YouTuber, of course! M, being an avid Twitter user, is no stranger to the concept as well. We bring out the big guns against the cancel culture.
The Mice Perform an Autopsy on Serbian Elections
The elections in Serbia have ended. We have boycotted them, as well as pretty much anyone sensible. The elections themselves have been pretty much what you would expect... except for a couple of things that even the top comedians couldn't really think of! Join us as we perform an autopsy on the festering, bloated corpse of the Serbian elections!
Mice Play "Would You Rather?" (More Like "Never Again")
Ok, guys, we know, it's a stupid game. But nobody told us! We just weren't at all impressed with the questions, even though we admit there were some that made us think and - as always - laugh our little mice behinds off. We'll do better next time.
Mice Comment on Serbian Parliament Elections 2020
Now this one is gonna be one crazy episode people! The people of Serbia are about to experience another ridiculous round of pre-determined parliament elections. The Lord knows that nothing can be done to get rid of the ruling party and its president (also president of the country), but you know that the mice always find their way to comedy in everything. Join us as we review the pre-elections propaganda church mice style.
Mice Answer Questions from "Dear God" by Dax
Somewhere within the endless stream of questions B gets on a regular basis there was a request to check out a song by an artist named Dax, titled "Dear God". It seems to be a bit of controversial piece, questioning faith, religion, mankind and whatnot. In a big way it is a list of questions someone who seeks God might be asking (and hopefully trying to answer). The mice decided to answer all questions, one by one :)
M & B: The Inside Story
The mice care for their audience. We've developed a bond of trust that can hardly be shaken. And we care for you guys so much we're doing something special in this episode: we are taking you to a journey to our innermost being. We are really diving in deep! And we're ever so thankful to have you with us.
On Ecumenism and Ridiculous Song Lyrics
The mice just can’t let it go. Ecumenism is a thing. Not our thing maybe, but it seems to be important to many Christians. The mice wonder what motivates ecumenists, tell a joke, remeniss about times when B used to work with M and laugh hard at the lyrics of the song Ameno by Era.
Forest Q&A
Our mice have finally left their city lair and are enjoying the greenery for the first time in forever (for M) or for the first time since last week (for B). We answer all the world's most googled questions: why is M underwhelmed when he attended a Liturgy? Is B an ecumenist??? We also have a special announcement regarding the direction of this channel and ask for feedback, all the while being showered with caterpillars and ants...
Movies and Shows and Oh My
Our mice have too much time on their hands, and that simply won't do! In this very special and final quarantine episode, mice give you their best and worst shows and movies. Deep dive with us as we talk about holy monks, sly pastors, insane movie directors, conjured kings of hell and, worst of all, shady lawyers.
Mice Hot Takes - Why Does God Want Us to Worship Him?
Let us be frank - we didn't know what to make of today's episode. But, we had a plan! Turns out B has a backlog of questions from his other YouTube channels he didn't answer yet... So we picked a question at random, put it back, picked another one at random, put it back, and we repeated the process as much as possible until we got a question we liked! Truly a work of Providence. We also ranted a bit about motivational speakers and YouTubing in general.
Christ Is Risen! The 2020 Truly-Indeed Schism
Our mice are celebrating the glorious Resurrection of Our Lord! One of them got a special blessing to attend the Paschal liturgy (spoiler warning: it's not the prettier mouse), but the other one had his eggs die. That is, they got a better dye. It sorta evens itself out. So what does Pascha means for us, and our eggs? Find the Truth in this episode, for He is risen trul- indee- quite.
Guest Episode: Ft. John Cox - On Not Having It Our Way, and Pizza
In today's episode, we decided to take a breather from all the corona talk and dump all of our viral worries unto Fr. John Cox, mostly because he was available (as in he had 2h to spare and he couldn't think of an excuse to avoid the show due to the lockdown). Luckily for us, he assuaged our worries by telling us what we needed to hear: that this Pascha and this Holy Week and this Bright Week will be precisely as they should be! And we almost turned this into an episode about pizza...
Guest Episode: Fr. Photius Avant - Is Corona Chastisement from God?
Our mice have successfully hunted down their first priest. And what a great guest he turned out to be :) We spoke with Fr. Photius Avant, the pastor of St. Sava Church in Allen, Texas (Orthodox Church of America), about how us Christians can (and should) use these challenging times to reflect, learn, adapt and follow Christ.
We Shall Have A Joyous Pascha!
Our mice are in high spirits and they won't let some run-of-the-mill microbe put them down! They especially won't let it spoil the joy of Pascha for them, or anyone else. There will be 'Christ is risen.' There will be bells of joy ringing. There will be paschal breakfasts, in front of webcams and smartphones if need be - we shall have a Joyous Pascha!
Mice Debate If Christians Should Take Communion
Our mice are on the brink of insanity (doing Church Mouse show being one of the symptoms). They must not succumb to writing poetry! Or God forbid B actually singing while M plays the ukulele!? That is why they are debating on a controversy that's all the rage right now - on whether Christians should take Communion during these trying times.
My My My My Corona (Stay Healthy)
It was only a matter of time - our mice were separated by illness, but not in spirit! We share our thoughts on the Serbian response to the widespread COVID-19 pandemic, sacrificing video and audio quality for the sake of staying healthy and practicing common sense...
The Great Lent Challenge
Our mice (and their fellow Orthodox Christians) are entering Lent, a time of fasting (diet), intense prayer (quantity matters) and pious showmanship (wink wink). Can you pray and fast more than the mice this year? Are you pious enough? If so, we invite you to join our #GreatLentChallenge2020! Non-Christians welcome. Also Copts.
Mice Talk About Real Life Miracles
Mice talked about...miracles! More or less successfully, because making fun of Catholics and Copts was just too tempting... Anyways...miracles! Which ones do you prefer? Recurring miracles, one-time miracles, fake miracles? Our mice are partial to those simple miracles, the real life ones. Hey, did you know M was a 1st hand witness of a real miracle? Whoa...
Mice Talk About Moles And Toes (Failed Miracles Episode)
Mice really really wanted to talk about miracles. But they got side-stepped by B's mole. Not just any mole, mind you. A mole shaped like...any other mole really. Also M's hurting toe. They can't stop talking these two! Where are the miracles they promised?
Mice Reflect On Morality And The Church
Morality...such a "sigh" kind of a topic. But mice are not shy to discuss and reflect on how morality looks like in the Orthodox Church and in Serbia in general. Hint: it doesn't looks that good.