The Comedian Next Door with John Branyan
By John Branyan
The Comedian Next Door with John BranyanSep 28, 2022
Riff Session Premier
Some of this may be stand-up material. Listen in while we 'Riff' ideas for comedy bits.
TCND Deconstruction with Jason Farley Part 1
Welcome to the table, Neighbor. When you're listening to this podcast, we call you "Pkarlgh." On this FIRST episode of 2023, The Comedian (John Branyan) interviews Jason Farley! You've heard him on Knox Unplugged and CrossPolitic.
Deconstruction. What is it? Why is everyone doing it? Even the people who are practicing "deconstruction" don't seem to know how to define it.
Jason helps John understand why nothing is really understandable... or something?
Pull up a chair and join the conversation. You're visiting the Comedian Next Door.
Email us at nextdoor@johnbranyan.com.
TCND Episode 3 From The Archives
Hi, Neighbor Pkarlgh! Please don't mind the poor audio quality. We are rebroadcasting some of our very first podcasts EVER. (Today's episode was first published in the fall of 2016, when Emmi was a wee nursling.)
Let us tell you about the Breastfeeding Activist/Feminists who have turned the act of feeding their children into a Side Show for the Church Ministers to gush over. Please don't "normalize" laying hands on breastfeeding women during service...
Are you familiar with breastfeeding vanity pictures? Good grief.
But don't listen to the Peaches. Her only goal in life is to hurt breastfeeding mothers.
Reach out to us by emailing nextdoor@johnbranyan.com .
Finally, remember: if you have a problem with whatever I'm doing, cover YOUR head.
TCND Episode 4 From The Archives
We're continuing the Throwback posts. This episode was first broadcast in September of 2016--on the day of Tabby's wedding!
What's it like celebrating a special occassion in the Comedian's household? (Well, there's a lot of activity and overlapping conversation.) Come with us as we remember the day Tabitha Branyan became a Farkas!
Reach out to the Comedian, John Branyan, by emailing nextdoor@johnbranyan.com .
TCND Episode 2 from The Archives
Welcome, Neighbor! We're continuing our rebroadcast of John's first podcast episodes, ever. This is the Comedy Sojourn Episode #2, originally published in September 2016. Please forgive the audio issues. We were rubes back then... (Not like now--because these days we always get our audio equipment to work perfectly.)
Andrew and Tabby are John's two youngest children, and they have a lot to say about a spider they caught. Should they kill it or catch-and-release?
In this episode:
"You could get eight really good drumsticks from that spider." --John Branyan
"We have butts, and we can't spin webs...cigarettes have butts, and they can't spin webs."
Tabby is getting married later this week, but she won't come back to visit if Dad and Andrew let the spider go in the house.
"...Did you know, Dad, that some turtles breathe out of their butts?" --Tabby (Branyan) Farkas
Later: John and the Peaches talk about the Atheist Hospice Care Worker. (With just a few interruptions from young girls with noisy toys.) How can an Atheist assign value to end-of-life care?
Quote from The Way of the Heathen: "We matter because we matter to each other in our own short time on our own short scale...we make each other important."
Reach out to John and the Peaches by emailing nextdoor@johnbranyan.com
TCND Our Very First Episode Ever
Hi, Neighbor!
It's nearly December, and things are hectic around here. So, we're REPOSTING the very first podcast episodes we ever published! These were the days long before we joined the Fight Laugh Feast Network--when we sat around a tiny, hand-held recorder at JOHN'S house (not the Peaches' house), and we let the dog in and out while we chatted about culture, faith, and family.
On this inaugural episode:
The Peaches and John discuss the usefulness of spirited debate in culture and religion. We also discuss whether or not Cami should have a snack.
This was first broadcasted in the fall of 2016.
To reach out to the Comedian Next Door, email nextdoor@johnbranyan.com.
We explain the purpose of the podcast is to invite our neighbors into the chaos of our everyday life, for good conversation. There are some clicks, pops, and other technical issues with the recording because the producer is an amateurish hack who lacks even basic recording skills. He improves in future episodes...(kind of).
TCND Chatting with David Pendleton
The intro is fake news. John isn't at the kitchen table--and The Peaches isn't co-hosting.
David Pendleton is a long time friend of the family and a gifted ventriloquist. (That's the type of skill that translates well in an audio-only podcast, doesn't it?)
The men talk about various projects they're working on, but they DON'T want to be "intentional" with their conversation. (Ew.) David wants the conversation to be interesting for you, Neighbor. But--John isn't very worried about that...
Cue the unscripted discussion now!
-Why do we only call our friends when we have something specific to talk about? (Or is that just a "Male Tendency"?)
-What are the differences between "real conversation" and social media speeches? (And what's up with texting?)
-The lack of human interaction is impacting how people actually THINK and process reality.
AND MORE!...including some discussion about prison sentences and the death penalty.
You can find more information about David Pendleton's comedy by visiting anythingcantalk.com. Also, reach out to John Branyan by emailing nextdoor@johnbranyan.com. Thanks for visiting with us, Neighbor!
BONUS: SCQS Movies and Copyright Infringement
Every Sunday at 7:00pm Eastern, you should be hanging out LIVE with your comedian friends. If you're NOT watching the Starving Comics Quarantine Show each week, then please send your excuses to nextdoor@johnbranyan.com.
Here's a sample of what you're missing!
Comedian John Branyan plays ridiculous trivia games, creates animated short vids, and generally horses around with his pals in the entertainment industry. Meet Brian Apprille--voice impressionist and movie buff. Listen to John thomas Oaks--musician, composer, and Story-Teller Extraordinaire. And laugh at Juan DeVevo--dead pan King of One-Liners and founding member of Casting Crowns.
On this episode of SCQS: In our family, literally every phrase can be connected with a movie. Here, let us demonstrate! Plus, John has a story about a Palpatine Taco T-Shirt... Eat your heart out, Disney!
Wilson's Devil Magic and Bad Parents (Soapbox to Die On)
Welcome, Neighbor! Around here, November means BURNING STUFF! But how does Doug Wilson get away from that fire at JUST the right moment?!
Let's chat about Devil Magic for a little bit...
NEXT: We like the idea of staring a new advice column. Dear Comedi-Anne. The first question to tackle involves kids being excluded from a birthday party. (This story is HEARTBREAKING, Pkarlgh!)
LATER: We call out an online "influencer" by name, because he's preying on traumatized, emotional children. He has become a surrogate family for a community of people who self-identify as abuse victims. Yet, these desperate people are too wrecked to recognize BAD ADVICE when they're being given it.
Reach out to us by emailing nextdoor@johnbranyan.com. The holiday season is upon us, and it's the perfect time to plan your Christmas gifts. Why not get tickets to VACAY WITH COMICS 2023? More details at johnbranyan.com.
The Queer's Birthday (Scronched Off His Bingus)
Welcome to the party, Neighbor! Our own Andrew Branyan turned 24 this week. He's the youngest child of the John Branyan family, and the whole gang jumps in to tell our favorite stories! (Legends, really.)
First off--we're becoming kind of notorious at our local Dairy Queen.
Then: Why Andrew should never get a job as a dog-walker.
Later: The Peaches talks about being "almost insulted" by 5-year-old Andrew. Plus, we hear why Tim Branyan was ashamed of his baby brother's physique.
And Don't Miss This: The Matriarch, Lori, shares the infamous "You-Look-A-Little-Weird" story.
We hope you enjoy this noisy visit to our table. Here's a hearty "Good Well" to Andrew, and we'll see you next time! (Reach out to us by emailing nextdoor@johnbranyan.com)
Different Audiences Different Styles
Broadcasting from John's house--but the Peaches forgot to pack the headphones. So, we can't hear anything we're producing. Hopefully it sounds okay.
John just got back from doing a comedy show for less than 30 people. This leads us to discuss the way audience size (and location) affects the way we talk. Does that mean we're being inauthentic or two-faced because we alter our style for different occassions?
Pull up a chair at the table!
Visit johnbranyan.com to join the Comedy Clique and support The Comedian Next Door. We're going on VACATION in July 2023, and we want you to come with us. For more information about Vacay with Comics, visit the John Branyan website.
SCQS Is Sure To Split Your Sides
If you're not tuning in LIVE to watch the Starving Comics' Quarantine show every Sunday at 7:00pm Eastern, then you're not living up to your full potential. Here's a sample of what you're missing!
Comedian John Branyan plays ridiculous trivia games, creates animated short vids, and generally horses around with his friends in the entertainment industry. Meet Brian Apprille--voice impressionist and movie buff. Listen to John thomas Oaks--musician, composer, and Story-Teller Extraordinaire. And laugh at Juan DeVevo--dead pan King of One-Liners and founding member of Casting Crowns.
On this episode of SCQS: It's a PIRATE theme, with new music by Jt Oaks and a special guest appearance from everyone's favorite news correspondent: Pirate Rooney. Plus, we play one of the audience least-favorite games invented by John Branyan. Does it grate on your nerves as much as it grates on everyone else? Only one way to find out! Listen in!
We want you to come on vacation with us. For details about VACAY WITH COMICS 2023, visit johnbranyan.com
TCND: Talk About Nags (not the horses)
Hey, welcome back to the table, Neighbor Pkarlgh! Did you know there's a new purple M&M? Supposedly she's female, but we'll see how long that lasts...
Speaking of females--the women on social media are up to their toxic shenanigans again. Newsflash: Women should be respected no matter what they're wearing! (If you disagree, you're probably just an OLD BOOMER.)
Next: Before you call a woman a "nag," you need to understand she only verbally abuses her family because she HAS TO. She nags FOR THEM because she loves them.
Later: a popular radio host broadcasted some truly terrible advice about encouraging daughters to make their own path and find their identity apart from their families. In case you're wondering why women are so messed up, just listen to Delilah and follow it up with a song by the artist, P!nk.
It's a jungle out there, Ladies! Send your emails to nextdoor@johnbranyan.com if you've run across Women Behaving Badly and you think we should know about it.
We're going on Vacation with some of our comedian friends, and you're invited! Join us in July 2023 for VACAY WITH COMICS. Details at johnbranyan.com .
SCQS: Judge Juan Birthday and Scottish Insult Generator
If you're not tuning in LIVE to watch the Starving Comics' Quarantine show every Sunday at 7:00pm Eastern, then you're not living up to your full potential. Here's a sample of what you're missing!
Comedian John Branyan plays ridiculous trivia games, creates animated short vids, and generally horses around with his friends in the entertainment industry. Meet Brian Apprille--voice impressionist and movie buff. Listen to John thomas Oaks--musician, composer, and Story-Teller Extraordinaire. And laugh at Juan DeVevo--dead pan King of One-Liners and founding member of Casting Crowns.
On this episode of SCQS: It's Juan's birthday, and we gift him possibly the best thing we've ever created. It's a crude piece of software that automatically generates scottish insults! Hurray!
We want you to come on vacation with our funny family and friends. For details about VACAY WITH COMICS 2023, visit johnbranyan.com
TCND New Producer New Host Same Games
If you're not tuning in LIVE to watch the Starving Comics' Quarantine show every Sunday at 7:00pm Eastern, then you're not living up to your full potential. Here's a sample of what you're missing!
Comedian John Branyan plays ridiculous trivia games, creates animated short vids, and generally horses around with his friends in the entertainment industry. Meet Brian Apprille--voice impressionist and movie buff. Listen to John thomas Oaks--musician, composer, and Story-Teller Extraordinaire. And laugh at Juan DeVevo--dead pan King of One-Liners and founding member of Casting Crowns.
On this episode of SCQS: Half the usual team is OUT OF TOWN. But Tabby is taking over the Producer's seat. And Brian Apprille is a very capable host. We're playing a game of Misheard Lyrics. Plus, a surprise appearance from someone who wasn't supposed to make it.
We want you to come on vacation with our funny family and friends. For details about VACAY WITH COMICS 2023, visit johnbranyan.com
Extreme Technical Difficulties and Scribblenauts
If you're not tuning in LIVE to watch the Starving Comics' Quarantine show every Sunday at 7:00pm Eastern, then you're not living up to your full potential. Here's a sample of what you're missing!
Comedian John Branyan plays ridiculous trivia games, creates animated short vids, and generally horses around with his friends in the entertainment industry. Meet Brian Apprille--voice impressionist and movie buff. Listen to John thomas Oaks--musician, composer, and Story-Teller Extraordinaire. And laugh at Juan DeVevo--dead pan King of One-Liners and founding member of Casting Crowns.
On this episode of SCQS: In case you need reminding that this is a live show, we have packed this one full of distracting technical problems... Morgan Freeman and Biscuit Neck both join us for a bit. Plus--we play a story-creating game called Scribblenauts. (And there are more tech difficulties!)
We want you to come on vacation with our funny family and friends. For details about VACAY WITH COMICS 2023, visit johnbranyan.com
TCND Recording at the FLF Conference 2022
There's a lot of activity at the Fight, Laugh, Feast Conference! (But somehow, finding someone to interview is still a challenge.)
Pop into the conversation with John thomas Oaks, Bruce and Jacob Johnson, the Podcast Ninja...and, blowing our time limit out of the water: The Chocolate Knox (David Shannon).
Don't Play Cards or Spank Your Kids (Eucharist)
We can't promise this conversation will be better than LAST week's, but ...welcome to the table anyway!
Emmi is wearing a lot of hats, and The Peaches is going to her dance class soon. (Oops, sorry, we mean "rhymic movement.")
Let's talk about Legalism! First--we give a brief history of things that would get you reprimanded by Church People 40 years ago. (Cards, alcohol-consumption, and dancing!) The anti-dancing crowd will say it's important to "avoid the appearance of evil." And, to that, a ready reply should be: "True! So why don't you stop appearing to be such a Pharisee???" This is known as Good Rhetoric.
Later, The Peaches makes an excellent transition to discussing the NEW Legalism: Internet Karens who say all disciplinary spanking is abusive.
Nobody wants to be a Pharisee. So--Christians need to use this fact to their rhetorical advantage. In other words, we need to get better at framing the anti-spank Pharisees as judgmental jerks. If you're looking for an example of an actual social media exchange with a Pearl-Clutching Karen who doesn't love her kids enough to spank them, we've got you covered! Visit Kendra Tierney's blog, Catholic All Year, if you want great advice from an experience mom who spanks her kids with great results.
Email us at nextdoor@johnbranyan.com -- and visit the website (johnbranyan.com) for information about going on vacation with us! Vacay with Comics, 2023. It's gonna be great.
TCND John's Anxiety and Good Advice from Gibbs (So, So Dood!)
John has been feeling weird and bad and dumb. That's his way of describing his anxiety attacks which popped up this week out of nowhere. Maybe he needs to do a Brain Dump! (Trademark: Mystie Winckler.)
But...wait, why is Luke wearing a bathrobe?
Anyway, this family knows how to throw some REALLY "dood" parties! But we wouldn't be able to juggle all of those planning details if we didn't have a concrete plan. Don't try to memorize your to do list, Pkarlgh! (A loaf of bread, a container of milk, and a stick of butter.) That's a terrible use of brain power.
Write it down, and then you can free up space for problem-solving...
Next: John thinks memorizing the alphabet is stupid. Total waste of time. Please feel free to weigh in, Pkarlgh.
Later: The Peaches has a new BFF! You should follow Brooks Gibbs on social media. He is a psychologist who teaches kids to be mentally resilient, rather than trying to rid the world of bullies. His advice isn't only appropriate for children in schools... He also may have some things to teach grown-ups who are struggling with anxiety.
Reach out to us by emailing nextdoor@johnbranyan.com . We want to go on vacation with you (and all our funny friends). Visit johnbranyan.com for more information about Vacay with Comics--July 2023.
TCND Polygamy and Mental Health (Love Means Underwear)
Welcome to the Kitchen Table of the Comedian Next Door! The Peaches has been feeling more like her old self--which means plenty of things to complain about from the hellish world of social media...
First, one of the Sister Wives divorced her husband. Word on the street is, this particular Sister Wife thinks it's "ridiculous" that her husband's attraction to her is affected by the way she treats other members of the family... (Unsurprisingly, the Internet agrees.)
Next, women have been expecting their husbands to read their minds for a long time. Now--they are beginning to judge their other friends and relatives by the same standard. Love means just KNOWING what to do WITHOUT HAVING TO ASK!
Finally, here are two articles for your consideration. "Hurts So Good"--about the sudden rise in invisible illnesses. Are mental illnesses contagious? "A New Way to be Mad"--first published in 2000, about the link between Transgenderism and people who want to remove healthy limbs/digits.
Join us at the Fight, Laugh, Feast Conference in Knoxville, October 6th-8th. John will be glad to see you, even if The Peaches isn't.
Want to know what it would be like to go vacation with a bunch of comedians? Visit johnbranyan.com for information about VACAY WITH COMICS!
Is John Weird? (He's A Jeff)
We open this episode celebrating John's birthday! (Sometimes we celebrate his birthday when he's not actually present...) Tabby is here for a little bit, and the cherry delight is truly delightful.
If you've ever wondered why restaurants often sing a special happy birthday song rather than the traditional version, allow Tabby to make up a nonsense explanation!
Later: John is encouraging his small congregation to visit ANOTHER small congregation for Sunday services. Does that make him weird? (Short answer: yes.)
We spend the rest of the show unpacking WHY John is so weird. And we'll explain why every local church body in the country is a little bit different, but also mostly the same.
Which role do you play in YOUR local church, Neighbor?
Email us at nextdoor@johnbranyan.com to share your thoughts. Also, consider supporting John Branyan Comedy by joining the Clique! Tune in Sundays at 7:00pm Eastern on the John Branyan YouTube Channel for a special LIVE stream event. (Your LIVE comments will be featured in the show!)
TCND: Phobias and Examining Moscow (It's SOOOO Peed!)
Welcome to the table of the Comedian Next Door! Sometimes our kids are afraid of strange/funny things and we spend 10-15 minutes telling the stories. (Hot Tip for potty training: let your toddler run around pantless!)
What scared you when you were young? Was it a creepy clown painting or non-existent bugs in your bed?
Also: have you noticed the Texas Roadhouse logo kind of looks like a rabbit, if you look at it veeeeeeeery carefully. Come find us at the Fight Laugh Feast Conference in October, and we'll have Cami show you!
Then: People are very offended at the idea that men become kings of a tiny kingdom when they get married. If you don't know why, then you're part of the problem.
Later: Everybody in Moscow seems to be obsessed with warfare! (And that includes the critics, who are more than ready to show up and fight.)
Finally, the Peaches sent an email to an app developer letting them know that abortion is NOT healtcare. If you'd like to email the same company, the address we used was: service@biowink.com.
We'll see you in Knoxville October 6th-8th!
TCND: The FLF Baptism Debate (Mr. Nippl-e)
Welcome to the kitchen table of The Comedian Next Door. Please don't mind the heavy machinery tearing down perfectly healthy trees in our backyard. We're not happy about it--but we don't have much say when the government decides to be destructive.
There was some drama in the network this week on the topic of baptism, so we need to take our turn beating the horse. Does "baptist" theology lead to transgender ideology?
On this episode:
-If we want to IMPACT the culture, we must be prepared to take some responsibility when our IMPACT isn't a good one.
-How do we label the smaller subset of Christians who promote individualism and making PERSONAL DECISIONS for Jesus? (Should we call them "baptists?")
-We must pause to manage the crying child...
-Lots of children have gone to Church Camp and "made a decision" to identify as a Christian only to turn around two years later and "identify" as the opposite gender. Coincidence? Maybe.
-Look at the way parents often shrug and say "we did our best, but we can't control our kids." If they won't take responsibility for the way their kids turn out, then who will?
And more!
We want to see you at the FLF Conference, October 6th-8th in Knoxville. Details at flfnetwork.com. Also--if you've ever wondered what it would be like to go on vacation with a bunch of comedian friends, we have a GREAT opportunity for you. Visit johnbranyan.com to learn more about VACAY WITH COMICS, coming July 2023.
Email the Comedian and his family at: nextdoor@johnbranyan.com
TCND: The Comedian Gets a Day Job (Goldilocks Jitters)
Hi, Neighbor! You should make your grilled cheese with American AND cheddar. It's tasty.
And, if you have some salt handy, you can toss it merrily into the air while you twirl!
The McKinney kids are back to the homeschool grind. But this year, we are going to try really hard to spend less time HATING our work. There have been several field trips and adventures already--including treasure from the reservoir and the bubbliest worms we've ever seen. Please join us in praying for the wisdom to know when to push these scholars toward greater excellence...and when pack it up and go climb on ancient playground equipment.
Then: find out what is making John nervous right now! (Hint: it has to do with a performance he has NEVER DONE before.)
Later: there's big News about John getting a REAL JOB. It's the same Real Job he had BEFORE he quit to become a full-time comedian.
All this and more on today's episode.
If you'd like to email the Comedian's family: nextdoor@johnbranyan.com
We're looking forward to seeing all our neighbors at the Fight Laugh Feast Conference in Knoxville. (Details at flfnetwork.com)
COME ON VACATION WITH US! Visit johnbranyan.com for information about Vacay with Comics--returning July 2023.
Christian Jokes Aren't Funny (Lost In Heaven)
Welcome to the kitchen table--where we're eating soup/salad and thanking God for banana bread. The 6-year-old, Emmi, has some concerns about life after death that will make your heart melt.
THEN, we share a Sea Chanty that was written by our good friend, John thomas Oaks, to promote Vacay with Comics! If you've wondered what it would be like to go on vacation with a bunch of Christian comedians, this is the event for you. Visit johnbranyan.com for more information. (And, to see the video version of this song, visit the John Branyan YouTube Channel.)
Finally, John talks about an interview between Pete Holmes and Tom Segura, with the totally-not-clickbait title "PETE HOLMES HATES THESE CHRISTIAN JOKES!"
There are two problems. #1. Pete Holmes is an ex-Christian who still tries to speak like some type of authority on Christian culture. #2. The "jokes" (and "comedians") he mocks do not represent the best Christian material out there. Everyone agrees the jokes are corny and terribly--including the vast majority of Christians.
Send us an email at nextdoor@johnbranyan.com. Also JOIN US AT THE FLF CONFERENCE, October 6th-8th in Knoxville. Details at flfnetwork.com.
Peter Heck on Public Education (From the Bunker)
Welcome to the table of the Comedian Next Door, John Branyan. Although, technically, this particular table belongs to his daughter, Amanda. Let us introduce you to our good friend, Pete Heck. Pete writes for Not-the-Bee and is a public school history/government teacher. Make sure you Google "Trump Globe Hands," for some reason...
Anyway, eventually we get around to chatting about the dire state of public education--which is one of our favorite topics. To quote the public school teacher, "The system is fatally flawed." So...what should Christians do now?
Even churched kids don't have basic Bible knowledge. The majority of students are coming from broken homes, with no foundation for how to live in a healthy family/community. Stay tuned for the end of the episode, when Pete tells us exactly how to fix all of these serious issues!
You can find Peter's personal website at peterheck.com and many of his articles at notthebee.com. If you enjoy content from The Comedian, please consider joining the Comedy Clique. (Details at johnbranyan.com) Also--have you wondered what it would be like to go on vacation with a bunch of comedians?! You need to join us for Vacay with Comics 2023.
Finally, we'll be joining our Fight Laugh Feast brothers and sisters at the FLF Conference October 6th-8th. If you haven't registered yet, WHY NOT?! (flfnetwork.com)
Fellow Comedian Kenn Kington (Not My Duck)
After several weeks of postponements, we finally got ahold of Kenn Kington. He preaches sometimes, but he's not a pastor. And he tells jokes sometimes, but he may not be a comedian, either. We spend some time swapping adorable kid stories before we get down to business...
Bill Burr performed an amazing rant about abortion recently. Why are the PAGAN Comedians being more unabashedly truthful from stage than the Christian ones?!
Kenn and John both share examples of jokes/bits that were considered "too offensive" by certain church people.
Also: what's with all the "second-hand" offense these days?
Check out Kenn's drybar special by Googling Kenn Kington Drybar. He's trying to get a million views! Also, visit johnbranyan.com to join the Branyan Comedy Clique and support the show. We'll see you at the Fight Laugh Feast Conference in Knoxville October 6th-8th! (Details at flfnetwork.com)
TCND Chat with Juan DeVevo from Casting Crowns (John Hates Worship Music)
We're not at the kitchen table today...we're in front of our computer screens, video-chatting with our friend, Juan DeVevo. It takes us forever to introduce him and the topic--so please bear with us while we shoot the breeze.
Juan is a founding member and "Stage Left Guitar Player" for Casting Crowns. So, let's talk about worship music. (And don't forget to give us two things you LOVE every time you say something you "hate.")
What does John have against modern praise music? What would it take to win him over?
Also--what does this have to do with chicken nuggets?
We'll cover all of these things and much, much more! In fact, this is an EXTENDED EPISODE, which would have been even longer if The Peaches hadn't decided when to pull the plug...
You can find Juan's touring schedule at castingcrowns.com. Also--visit johnbranyan.com for details about VACAY WITH COMICS. Coming in July, 2023. We'll see you at the Fight Laugh Feast Conference October 6th-8th in Knoxville. (Flfnetwork.com for more information.)
TCND Emotional Maturity and Ethical Problems (Save the Scientists!)
Welcome to the table at the Comedian's house...and welcome to "Kokomo Beach" as well.
We've been doing some hard work managing our emotions lately...
John used a passage in 1 Timothy when he was teaching at youth Bible Study this week. What does "rebuke" mean? And what does "exhort" mean? Ask your kids to define words for you, Neighbor! It helps them learn to think!
Later: we give some examples of adults who struggle with ethical dilemmas because they aren't wise. What would you do if the boat was sinking and you could only save 4 out of 10 people? (Why not just roll dice?)
Then: what would you do if you got pregnant out of wedlock and didn't want to confess to your family?
Finally: Pilgrim's progress is a really great story. Kids don't have the capacity to understand it fully. But, with some life experience (and maturity), it really hits you!
If you'd like to contact the Comedian, you can email nextdoor@johnbranyan.com. We are gearing up for the Fight Laugh Feast Conference in Knoxville, October 6th-8th. Details at flfnetwork.com! Also, come on vacation with a bunch of comedians. Details about Vacay with Comics 2023, at johnbranyan.com.
TCND Family Trip from Hell...or Heaven (Firework Finale)
John and The Peaches are joined at the table by Tabby--the other sister. Tabby's baby is a grabby baby. (Say that three times fast.) The conversation ambles around family and food... and then we get down to business!
The camping trip last week did NOT go according to plan. Spoilers: there was car trouble and much, much, much vomit.
What can we do when the family trip just keeps delivering blow after blow? How can we be emotionally okay--when things are falling apart physically?
On the one hand, it's nice to feel needed and to have your job clearly laid out in front of you. But how many of us actually live as though we believe that "blessings come through raindrops and healing comes through tears"? (Update: That song is only 11 years old. But it might as well be 30.)
It's a miracle of the Holy Spirit whenever ANYONE is able to step outside the terrible situation and stay Kingdom-minded.
Then: WHYYYYYY ME?!?!?! Lessons from Nancy Kerrigan and the Pipe Incident...
Later: Why were the city fireworks so weird this year? We don't know for sure, but now John has a great idea for a musical.
If you'd like to contact the Comedian Next Door, email nextdoor@johnbranyan.com. Also--we want you to come on vacation with our family and several of our Comedian Friends. Visit the johnbranyan.com and get more information about VACAY WITH COMICS 2023.
TCND Bubble Joy and Women Aren't Funny (Zoom Out!)
Hey, Neighbor! Pull up a chair because we've got a cute story about kids at the Bubble Show. The Kingdom of Heaven is made up of such as these...
Then: A survey of parks in our hometown. Maybe this isn't interesting to anyone else--but you can Google "Jackson Morrow Park Kokomo" and confirm we're TELLING THE TRUTH about this!
Later: John got into some trouble suggesting that women shouldn't be "comedians" the same way men can... Allow him to clarify. Eventually, he admits the women in his family are very funny, which prompts the Peaches to share a story about the dream she had. (One word: Ants)
Finally, go check out Facebook and see the horde of angry trolls on John's page. How the heathen rage when Christians celebrate life.
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We want you to come on vacation with us! Visit johnbranyan.com for more information about Vacay with Comics.
TCND Family Camp Prep plus Lemon Balm (Cookie Nightmares)
John and the Peaches are sitting at the table with mugs of tea. But no sugar for John, Please! He is deeply invested in a fad diet--and it's taking over his dreams.
Since you're at the Comedian's house today, you can help us get ready for Family Camp next week. John is scheduled to deliver four talks, plus games and activities, so we need to figure out which topics to cover with the campers. (Somebody grab a pen and write this stuff down!)
-Comedy is able to thrive in families because of shared contexts/experiences. There are lots of opportunities for "inside jokes" and call-backs!
-Good improv works because comedy is built into the game... and guess Who built comedy into the Game of Life?
-In order to do comedy better, learn to ask lots of questions.
-Tell kids the truth... (You have to understand what's true in order to make jokes about it.)
If all of this seems a bit disjointed and random, it's because we still have some polishing to do before next week! What else should we cover in our presentations, Neighbor? Which bits of wisdom/advice from The Comedian have been most helpful to you?
Send us your recommendations: nextdoor@johnbranyan.com
Also, visit johnbranyan.com for information about VACAY WITH COMICS 2023. We're going camping with a bunch of John's comedian friends, and we want your family to join us.
TCND Memories and Throwing Eggs at Drag Queens (Heat Wave)
John's a little under the weather, but he's going to soldier on! It's very, very hot in our neck of the woods, and it's reminding us of happy childhood memories, digging holes and making "Mixtures." Those were the days, right?!
Next: John tells us his idea for making Pride Parades into "family friendly" events. But the Peaches is worried his idea might be a little too much fun...
Finally: the Atheists are swarming on John's Facebook page. You can go look at some of their comments, but don't spend too much time trying to climb inside their heads and think like they do. It's hellish in there.
If you'd like to connect with the Comedian and his family, you can email nextdoor@johnbranyan.com . We're going to be hosting another Vacay with Comics in July of 2023! Please be on the lookout for details on our website (johnbranyan.com) ....but cut John some slack because it's really hot up in the attic where he works.
TCND Lucky Parents and Dead Fruit (Buy Pet Food)
Welcome to the kitchen table of the Comedian Next Door! Today, we start with a parable... No, wait, we have to talk about pet food first.... Oh, and we need to pause and sort out some child drama.
Okay, NOW we're going to hear a parable about a church with a strange number of house fires. Everybody's house is burning to the ground around here! What is going on???
We need to look at the fruit that church people are producing. And then we need to have the courage to stop taking advice from broke people.
Instead of buying fireworks, why don't you teach your kids the basic tenents of Christianity? (Pssst, Christianity teaches more than just "love people.")
If you'd like to reach out to the Comedian and his family, you can email nextdoor@johnbranyan.com . Also, consider supporting the show by visiting johnbranyan.com and joining the Comedy Clique! We'll see you at the Fight Laugh Feast Conference in October, Neighbor! (Details at flfnetwork.com)
TCND The One About Change (Meet Our Minion)
John and the Peaches are on a video call with Tabby and our new intern... So--rather than joining us at the table, you can roll up at a chair at the office desk!
Today, we're talking about the fact that things change and people grow, and sometimes we regret things we said years ago. (Hey, that rhymes.) We place a high value on "consistency" (as opposed to hypocrisy), which is a good thing EXCEPT there may come a point where the focus on consistency will prevent us from making necessary changes. Why are we so afraid to be DIFFERENT than we were in the past?
In this episode:
-We can't say all the truth things at once. Only God can.
-Do something that Future Tabby will thank you for! (Good job, Past Tabby.)
-How can an aspiring young minion get her foot in the door of the entertainment industry? (Spoiler: The Comedian doesn't know.)
Plus more!
If you'd like to contact us, email nextdoor@johnbranyan.com. Also, consider supporting the show by visiting johnbranyan.com and joining the Comedy Clique. Mark your calendars for July 27th to 30th, 2023. We're going on a VACAY WITH COMICS, and we want you to come laugh with us.
Angry McDonalds Lady and Adulterous Pastor (Yard Toads)
This episode is late, Neighbor! We have no excuse...
Pull up a seat at the table to hear the story of how the McKinney Kids offended someone at McDonald's. Also--there's a viral scandal involving a pastor from Indiana that John wants to talk about.
Does this conversation make any conhesive sense, or does it just wander from one random thought to another?
We're not sure! But this episode DOES have lots of toads going for it! (Do dogs eat for pleasure?)
Contact us by emailing nextdoor@johnbranyan.com. Also, considering supporting John Branyan Comedy by visiting johnbranyan.com and joining the Comedy Clique! There are lots of insider perks for doing so. We'll see you at the Fight Laugh Feast Conference in October!
A Time to Laugh (Naughty Noise or Joyful Noise)
Welcome to the kitchen table of the comedian next door! All the kids are here, making a joyful noise next to the recorder. But we're not going to "shush" them unless/until they do something wrong...
This week, we learned that we are the reason some people don't want to come to church. And what have we been doing to cause them to be so completely repulsed?
We've been laughing! (The horror.)
There is WAY TOO MUCH SADNESS in the world for Christians to spend any time being funny. Do you have any idea how many traumatic experiences happen in churches?! We have so much crying to do and so little time... Stop smiling! This is serious!
If you'd like to contact the Comedian, email nextdoor@johnbranyan.com. Also, consider supporting the show by visiting johnbranyan.com and joining the Comedy Clique. We'll see you at the Fight Laugh Feast Conference in October! (Details at flfnetwork.com)
On Stage Disasters and Parenting Bad Moods (The Show MUST Go On)
Welcome to the table, Neighbor! Go ahead and take the Peaches' seat because she's not using it much. There's too much parenting to do!
Meanwhile, John wants to tell you about some of his terrible experiences with comedy shows this week. (But, really, the terrible shows make for the best stories.)
Also--we got an email this week. Thanks for sending us details about your childlike joys!
Finally, we get pretty raw and honest about the insomnia and mood swings and how it's affecting parenting decisions. We're trying to teach our kids to do the right thing, even when they don't feel like it. But, we have to practice what we preach first!
You can contact us at nextdoor@johnbranyan.com...
Unfocused Talk About Focus (Pair of Tongs)
The Comedian's house is busy (as always). Let the 4-year-old explain why he "needs" to use tongs to handle his Elmo doll...
We're continuing to "plod" along with our daily tasks--but sometimes the process feels painfully slow. If you're an older mother who has successfully raised her children in the Lord, the Peaches could use some encouragement. Email nextdoor@johnbranyan.com to share your testimony of how daily, ordinary faithfulness has paid off.
Later: Look at all the amazing things our bodies are able to do... like REMEMBERING things that happened in the past and driving to church without crashing.
Who are we to decide what's "too much" for us to handle? Wouldn't we think most of our ordinary activities were "too much," if we hadn't experienced being able to do them?
The Peaches has been convicted that she has been influenced by the Materialist culture more than she realized. There are many assumptions about the limitations of our physical bodies which come from "science" (and "experts" in Biology) rather than from Scripture...
Many other things get brought up as well, but it's a bit difficult to outline. Pull up a chair at the table and join us!
Visit johnbranyan.com to Join the Comedy Clique and support the show. You also can visit flfnetwork.com for more information about the Fight Laugh Feast Conference, coming up in October. Our family will be there (Lord willing). Will yours?
Harry Potter and Agreeing With Pagans (Don't Sell The Land)
This episode is being uploaded late, due to tech difficulties. Sorry about that, Neighbor Pkarlgh!
Our family is celebrating Cami's 11th birthday this week, but not everyone is excited about her party's theme. Is it okay for Christians to read stories about magic and witchcraft?... We discuss this briefly.
Then: it's encouraging to know that God has been revealing pieces of his Truth to EVERY nation in EVERY era. But, when are we allowed to agree with the pagans? Or are we running the risk of compromising our faith in order to get along with more people?
Let us regale you with a very long-winded anecdote with borrowed from The King's Hall Podcast. Don't be quick to divide and sell the land of your inheritance, Neighbor!
You can contact us by emailing nextdoor@johnbranyan.com, and you can support the show by becoming a member of John's Comedy Clique. Details at johnbranyan.com.
Why Is Everyone Deconstructing? (Kylie Bikini)
The house is FULL of family today (especially noisy kids)--and we don't feel much like podcasting... But, we're doing it anyway! Tabby is at the table, and Megan grabs a mic later in the episode as well.
John wants to talk about why so many Christians seem to be "deconstructing" their faith. We think we mostly agree with the article he quotes.
Young Americans no longer trust large institutions like the government, the medical establishment, and the Church. They've become loners who trust no one except themselves...and it's getting to the point where they don't really trust themselves, either. (That's what happens when you have been taught to see through everything. There's no end to the free fall.)
Christians have access to information about other belief systems and worldviews they didn't have 100 years ago, which may tempt them away from their faith. But--more importantly--they don't have the skills necessary to discern what's true and what's false.
Pull up a chair and join the discussion! Email nextdoor@johnbranyan.com with your comments. Also--be looking for more information about the Fight Laugh Feast Conference in October. We'll see you there, Neighbor!
Traffic and CS Lewis talks Emotionalism (It is done)
The Podcast Ninja (Luke) is at the table today. We begin by talking about how much fun comedian's have when they're driving about 10 hours, to and from a show.
Then, the Peaches reminds John about how wrong he was two episodes ago... (Remember when John was wrong, Neighbor?) But she's actually trying to make him feel better by sharing something that convicted HER lately: CS Lewis had a different perspective on Emotionalism than we typically have on this podcast!
Please enjoy some quotes from The Abolition of Man.
"[People who are wrong] see the world around them swayed by emotional propaganda — they have learned from tradition that youth is sentimental — and they conclude that the best thing they can do is to fortify the minds of young people against emotion. My own experience as a teacher tells an opposite tale. For every one pupil who needs to be guarded from a weak excess of sensibility there are three who need to be awakened from the slumber of cold vulgarity. The task of the modern educator is not to cut down jungles but to irrigate deserts. The right defence against false sentiments is to inculcate just sentiments. By starving the sensibility of our pupils we only make them easier prey to the propagandist when he comes. For famished nature will be avenged and a hard heart is no infallible protection against a soft head." --CS Lewis
John doesn't think we have been guilty of downplaying emotions. BUT, his young grandson recently confessed to feeling guilty about liking video games, so...
What do you think, Neighbor? Are Christians accidentally creating hard hearts, as a remedy for soft heads? Or are we doing a decent job passing on an appreciation for objective beauty and majestic music and passionate poetry?
Send us your comments: nextdoor@johnbranyan.com
Also, tune in later this week for MORE CONTENT from The Comedian Next Door. (If you'd like to support the show, consider joining the Comedy Clique. Details at johnbranyan.com)
Stress. Hollywood, and Osteen (Stinkbug on the wall)
The Comedian and The Peaches are talking about heartrate and stress. Apparently, it's possible for your body to be stressed without your mind being aware of it. Who knew?
We always talk about not being able to trust our emotions, but we can't always trust our thoughts and perceptions, either...
Sometimes the tasks that would be stressful for others actually calm us down. That's our comfort zone! But sometimes we have panic attacks on airplanes.
Next, John makes a few confusing announcements about when he'll be performing at Gutty's comedy club. (He's appearing at the Minneapolis Gutty's on April 22nd and 23rd, and the Indianapolis Gutty's on April 29th and 30th.) Also, the Peaches sees a bug on the wall.
Then, John's dental hygienist asked for his opinion about the infamous Chris Rock and Will Smith Slap, so he shares that opinion with you, Neighbor Pkarlgh! Basically, the people of Hollywood are not doing very well!
Being unable to handle Mean Words is a sign of personal weakness. Don't be so easily stressed by your surroundings that you can't control your actions.
Finally, what would possess Joel Osteen to block other Christians from critiquing his sermons? (Also, we're still trying to meet Mike Winger. If you know his people, put in a good word for us.)
If you'd like to support the show, visit johnbranyan.com and join The Comedy Clique. You'll get exclusive access to our Telegram group and private game nights and more! We'll be at the Fight Laugh Feast Conference in October. More details at flfnetwork.com .
Stay In Your Lane (Not the boss of me)
We're here at the table, Neighbor Pkarlgh! (And the kids are working busily nearby.) Join us while we talk about John's latest post on social media. Spoilers: this conversation does not go the way he expected...
In this episode:
-Why would a person post a comment that is nothing but Scripture?
-Social media encourages disagreement and misunderstanding.
-It's almost impossible to communicate with other humans... unless we can find common ground in Christ.
-We don't often treat people on social media with the same grace we give our loved ones in real life.
-John is defensive about being defensive.
-Plus MORE!
Bottom line: maybe we should stay in our lane by focusing on helping people find the humor in their life and choose joy.
Send your Scripture references to nextdoor@johnbranyan.com. Also, consider supporting John Branyan Comedy by becoming a member of the Comedy Clique! (Details at johnbranyan.com)
Life Is Meaningless (Eat some cashews)
Welcome to the table, Neighbor Pkarlgh! The Peaches had an epiphany this week regarding how important it is for the human body to have food. Isn't it crazy the way the sun rises every morning--and putting nutrients in your stomach can change your life?
But let's remember: people are not just physical creatures. We have minds and souls as well.
Later: Would you criticize a fat person at the gym? It's hard to wait for God to reveal the same things to other people that He has revealed to you...
Then: Are we encroaching on Relativism over here??? Or are we simply realizing a Truth about the "living and active" nature of Scripture?
Finally: Ecclesiastes seems really depressing... But, with the right perspective, it's actually encouraging. "NOTHING MATTERS--EVERYTHING IS MEANINGLESS!" It reminds us of John's saying, "Life is a joke."
Reach out to us by emailing nextdoor@johnbranyan.com. Join us at the Fight Laugh Feast Conference in October! (Details at flfnetwork.com) Tune in to the Starving Comic's Quarantine Show on the John Branyan YouTube channel!
Transparency Episode (Poo-Pouri)
We're going to be totally honest about some stuff today, Neighbor! The Peaches still has been dealing with some emotional and psychological discomfort. (We would blame the thyroid if we could, but that's has been ruled out, so.... darn.) Sometimes, life's trials just FEEL more weighty than other times...
Hang on, we have a quick interruption while Collin amazes everyone with his poem-thingy...
Okay--back to the subject. The Peaches is going to be very cautious ("guarded") with her words today. But John wants to lay everything out on the table and tell you about some interpersonal conflict. Not everyone handles their struggles/crisis by dialoging with their Christian family and processing things. But that's how WE roll.
There are some problems at church because many people aren't comfortable with open communication.
Join us at the table. Let's say true things.
Christians Are Waking UP (Release The Blood Eagle)
What do you think, Neighbor? Should John record another Dry Bar special?
Either way, let's talk about why John keeps posting about Modesty on social media and triggering the "bossy" Feminists...
We don't live in a Patriarchy anymore. So, when you discover certain words/topics you're not allowed to say, it's not a bad idea to keep your finger on that nerve.
Our culture keeps telling women to "be themselves," but what does that even mean?
Next: the Peaches has some very good news! More and more Christians are becoming as grumpy and cynical as she is! Hooray! There seems to be a shift among our brothers and sisters, as if the bulk of the Church now has almost as much experience dealing with trolls on social media as we did 10 years ago!...
Also: if you want to help the Feminists kill John using an obscure Medieval torture device, then B.Y.O.E.
Finally: how should we react when those few (but loud) non-believers show up to spout foolishness? Do we respond at all? Here's a quick reminder about Bully Management 101.
If you enjoy being part of the conversation, consider also being part of the Clique! Visit Johnbranyan.com to support more John Branyan content. Also--if you're not already part of the Fight Laugh Feast network, visit FLFnetwork.com to get plugged in. The FLF Conference is happening in October! Be there or be square.
Logic and Eastern Nothingness (Rotating Bookshelves)
Good to have you at the table, Neighbor Pkarlgh! If you have any tips for helping Collin grow an inch taller before the summer, please let us know.
Now--let's talk about a book by Vishal Mangalwadi called "The Book that Made Your World: How the Bible Created the Soul of Western Civilization."
There is a stark difference between the assumptions of Eastern Mystics and the assumptions of philosophers who have been influenced by the principles in the Bible. Christians believe humans are valuable, because we were created in God's image. And we're also capable of using logic, because God gives us the ability (and even the command) to be reasonable. That changes EVERYTHING.
Listen as we read some quotes about funny things Eastern Philosophers believe to be "enlightenment."
Listen to the sound of all that knowledge, squeaking and grinding!
Later: Is "individualism" a bad thing? We think most people probably equate "individualism" with "selfishness," but there may be a better way to think about this...
Think about it with us, unless you're trying to transcend all thought. In which case: OMMMMmmmmmmm!
Finally: Please put some clothes on, Ladies.
Contact us at nextdoor@johnbranyan.com. Consider supporting John Branyan Comedy by joining the Comedy Clique! (Details at johnbranyan.com) Join us at the Fight, Laugh, Feast Conference October 6th-8th.
Sick Symptoms and Fear (Tempted to Puke)
Last week, the Peaches said "If you really believe a thing, it will lead to action. And the main thing stopping people from ACTING on their beliefs is fear/uncertainty." But... Pkarlgh sent an email with a possible exception involving masks at work, so we need to unpack this a bit more.
Next: this entire winter has been full of health trials for the Comedian's family. We thought having COVID in December would be the peak. But--no. We just can't shake the sickness around here. This leads us to notice how different individuals tend to struggle with different symptoms more than others.
What's the connection between mind and body when you're suffering with both spiritual and physical symptoms? (Is it related to the different ways we're tempted to sin?)
Let's talk about people who suffer well. Do they get to the point they actually suffer LESS than people who fall into the suffering spiral? Some people suffer greatly with anxiety about being laughed at. John doesn't struggle with this.
Some people want control, and so they stop eating. Other people want control, so they eat too much. What does the Peaches think about this? She doesn't know!
Finally: Our culture is very relativistic. Most people don't know what they're doing or where they're going. Church leaders are torn because they believe they're supposed to offer some sort of direction and hope--but they don't know how.
Support John Branyan Comedy by visiting the website, johnbranyan.com and joining the Comedy Clique. You can email us at nextdoor.johnbranyan.com to be part of the show.
Uncertainty and Conviction (Be Like Paul)
Welcome to the kitchen table of the Comedian Next Door, Neighbor Pkarlgh! We've taken away the video games and other screens, so the kids are playing ball in the house.
John recently realized there aren't many people in the Church today who are willing to be as bold and confident as Paul. Why is that? Are people afraid to speak the truth?... or do they even know what the truth is in the first place?
Peaches thinks most people struggle with uncertainties/doubts.
Some things aren't worth fighting about... But those aren't really "convictions."
We have been advising people to SHUT UP when they don't know what they're talking about. So, maybe that's why there are so few Pauls. Is it possible to will ourselves to know things? Can we CHOOSE to be more certain?