Creating Love Together
By Tim & Jamie Holloway
Creating Love TogetherJun 11, 2019
Bibles, A$$holes, and , B!tches
Bibles, A$$holes, and B!tches
When to Walk Away?
Creating Love Together is back! Well rested and with new mics, Tim and Jamie are ready to dive into some serious topics. If you’ve never seen anything starring Mariana van Zeller, Tim and Jamie say you’re missing out. Van Zeller is a Portuguese journalist known for her hard hitting pieces about current world problems. Last night, Tim and Jamie watched a documentary about human trafficking. The people doing the trafficking are smooth and know how to sell the lifestyle. Even more surprising is that the same control and manipulation can be found in marriages with, sometimes, neither partner even realizing it. Control and manipulation have no place in any type of relationship. Learn to recognize the signs of an unhealthy relationship and know when to walk away.
Tim`s Communication Issues
Today, we are talking about Tim’s communication issues and how it caused friction for us when I was just needing Tim to listen to me. ~ Jamie
Today we discuss how Jamie needs to work on her communication skills. I, myself, am fully in the right, and she knows that she was wrong. ~ Tim
Effective Communication & Active Listening
One of the hardest aspects when it comes to communicating effectively is patience and thinking before you speak. People won’t always meet our expectations, and we can’t get bent out of shape. When we’re in an argument, our walls go up, and we go into self-defense mode. Our initial response is often to attack the other person. It’s so important to learn to pause and think before you speak. Beyond not saying things you don’t mean, you’re taking a moment to truly understand what's being said. People will interpret things on how it makes them feel, not on facts. Be self-aware enough to ask the other person to clarify what they mean before you react. Don’t always feel like you need to fix the problem, sometimes we just need to be heard. It’s so important to listen, not to reply, but to understand.
Doing Something New
Tim and Jamie have been trying a lot of new things in the name of adventure lately. Jamie says one of the most thrilling things she’s done in a while was cryotherapy. Tim prefers to call it freeze-your-ass-off therapy. It wasn’t just a crazy thing to do, though, it had quite a few health benefits. One being your body goes into fight or flight and, not being able to flee, its first response is to protect your organs. It’s a great clean out for your organs. Jamie says it was exhilarating and had her on a high for hours. Some other recent experiences were foot mapping and eating at The Melting Pot. The moral of the story is to do something new. Don’t fall into the mundane with no excitement. We need unpredictability just as much as we need predictability in relationships.
Coming To Save The Day
White knight syndrome or being a savior, whatever you want to call it, it’s codependency, and it’s not healthy. It doesn’t matter if you’re the one doing the saving or the one always needing to be saved, we’re taught these roles from a young age. Just look at the cliché princess in some sort of trouble and the white knight has to come save her. The biggest thing in any relationship, whether it be husband and wife, parent and child, or boss and employee, is the presence of interdependency. Healthy relationships are both give and take. A lot of parents try to rescue their children and shield them from any ill consequences. Tim admits he’s more likely to jump in and ‘save the day’, while Jamie will ask them what they think or tell them to figure it out. Which role do you play?
A Rollercoaster and an Adventure
Tim and Jamie are celebrating five years since their first date. With Tim working in a treatment center and Jamie working with at-risk youth, they were each other’s sounding board after a long, hard day. They both describe their relationship as a rollercoaster and an adventure. Fast-forward to today, and they live and work together from home, giving them plenty of opportunity to rub each other the wrong way…or the right way. This past week, they’ve had some issues to navigate, and they're sharing those times with us to maybe pass on some tips and tricks for how they handle differences effectively.
Missing for Two Years
Creating Love Together is back after an almost two-year hiatus. They’re re-energized and back with the same topics and conversations. Find out what they’ve been up to, from starting a new business to getting healthier. They’re eager to share everything they’ve been learning with us regarding their holistic journey and habit transformation. They’re now super aware of what they’re putting in their bodies and have begun to make their own soaps and detergents. Likewise, they’ve also been working towards becoming certified as holistic life coaches. They hope to bring knowledge and a better way of life to other couples.
Choosing Your Partner Over The Argument
Being in a relationship can give you butterflies but what happens if arguments ensue and both parties refuse to cave in? Who should take the first step and initiate the conversation? In this episode, Tim and Jamie tackle the topic of “extending the olive branch” or reaching out to your partner, as well as “getting out of a funk” while discussing the importance of behavioral maturity along the way.
Walking the Path Together
At some point in life with your partner, you build a plan together for the future. But what if on your journey, one of you deviates in a different direction leaving the other person behind? How will you deal with the feelings of being left behind? Tim and Jamie tackle this topic in todays episode. The overall vision of building and creating something together seems to be the ideal vision, but life has many challenges. Tim and Jamie share with us how they managed to deal with a similar scenario.
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Reaching Your Breaking Point
A healthy relationship is not always about butterflies and rainbows. Sometimes, reality kicks you both in the head and forces you to figure out how to continue moving forward. You may come home stressed from work only to find your spouse also stressed out. In this episode, our favorite couple, Tim and Jamie, tells us how they picked themselves up from a breakdown and what do couples should learn from it.
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Secrets to a Happy, Long-Lasting Relationship
How to keep a relationship strong? In this episode, Tim and Jamie reminisce the love and war they went through to reach their 3rd anniversary, which they recently celebrated. From that romantic moment when Tim asked Jamie to be his girlfriend and to the present time celebrating their third anniversary, our favorite couple has some sweet stories to tell. Tim and Jamie also share what they have done to make their relationship strong and happy through the years.
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Defusing the Bomb
Tim and Jamie got into an intense argument while celebrating the anniversary of their first date. In the heat of the moment, Jamie noticed that Tim refused to listen to whatever she had to say. Reaching the point of giving up on the argument, Jamie decided to wait until tomorrow before expressing her feelings. To her surprise, Jamie finds out that her husband was more understanding. Many women encounter these same problems communicating with their respective partners during a fight. Jamie may have found a viable solution to defuse the bomb.
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Living, Dreaming and Achieving Side by Side
Do you believe that behind every great man is a woman? Jamie surely does not. How about doing things side by side? In this episode, you will learn about taking marriage as a partnership all the way. With her husband, Tim, Jamie will discuss making decisions together, and the role of communication to a great marriage. Whether it's about your relationships, jobs, and money, your new favorite power couple will show how treating husbands like kings should equal to treating wives like queens, too!
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Falling Out Of Love?
What makes a good marriage? Love. But what is love anyway? Love is when care for your partner and their interest just as much as your own. But love also goes a little bit farther than that with a sense of admiration for the other person. So in marriage, if you've lost your admiration for your partner, you are in pretty big trouble! In this episode, Jamie is joined by Tim as they talk about how love and admiration are crucial ingredients in a good and healthy marriage.
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Aim For Happiness And Stop Worrying
Over-thinking, in general, happens whether you want to or not. It may be a comment on your photo or something someone told you on the way to work. But why do women make such a big deal out of everyone’s opinions of us? Strong women don’t owe anyone anything, right? Regardless of what you hear, what they say, or what people think, do you and aim for your happiness!
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Bring Back Your Purpose
Have you thought about that one time you’ve been doing something that you liked, and you felt good about it? Looking back, did it make sense why you chose to do that? This episode focuses on the WHY's. Why did you do it? Why is it important? Why are you continually thinking about it? Girl, being in a relationship is fun, but you have to make time for yourself and go back to the stuff you did before everything and at the same time figure out the WHY's in your life.
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Forget What Others Think
It’s such a bummer that people are always on their phone wherever they are. I mean, like, what is the big deal that you have to stare at your screen, ignore everyone around you, and barely look anyone in the eye? Anyway, some find it really disrespectful that you choose to focus on your phone instead of valuing your time together. If that’s the only thing you want to do, why bother going out at all? This episode talks about events during the 4th of July when people were too focused on their phones instead of living in the moment.
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The Comparison Trap
“What the hell happened? I don’t want to do this! It’s not working.” I’m sure you have had the same exact thoughts when something unexpected happens, when things don’t go as planned, or when you just aren’t reaching your goals. Tim and Jamie point out that you are experiencing ‘blah’ moments. These moments don’t care who you are, whether you’re rich or poor, fat or skinny. Frustration and depression might hit you big time if you are unaware of these ‘blah’ moments. You might even stop doing the things you enjoy. In this episode, the power couple reminds you that your ‘blah’ moments won’t last forever so take deep breath and remember, this too shall pass.
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Naked & Unafraid
Jamie’s guest today is most known for being a mom of 18 and the host of ‘The Naked Podcaster’ podcast. Jen Taylor is unapologetic in her quest for a life of freedom, including freedom from pants. Jamie and Jen discuss looking for the positive impacts others have on their lives, without comparing themselves to others. Go after the life you want, not the life you think you should have. Check out www.momof18.com for more inspiration.
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Instant Gratification, Delayed Regret
We live in an age of instant gratification, we want everything now regardless of what that means for later. Just ask Jamie about her recent run-in with instant gratification and the delayed regret it ultimately brought her. None of us are immune to the allure of instant anything, and quick fixes are offered everywhere we turn. But, it’s not quality. It’s not built to last. We have to put in the work for what we want, and we have to stop comparing our beginning to someone else's middle or end.
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All About Balls
Jamie is joined by Tim as they talk all about balls; blue balls, bocce balls, bowling balls, Jamie’s balls… until Tim says, “Enough about balls!”. It’s obvious Jamie and Tim like to have fun, but even they struggle to get their brains off of work. All work and no play makes anyone dull. What are you doing to have fun and reward yourself for your hard work? Don’t waste a moment of your play time wondering what other people are thinking. Be silly, have fun, just do you!
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Cover-up Or Overcomer?
Today we’re talking makeup, but it’s not what you think. Are you using makeup for a confidence boost, or are you using it to cover up a flaw? What insecurities are you working at covering rather than overcoming? Jamie isn’t immune to insecurity, even when it comes to this podcast. She chooses to put her effort into battling insecurities rather than into covering them up. Tune in to find out how you can face your flaws.
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Set-up For Success
Today Jamie is joined by Tim as she gets his perspective on how parents can set their kids up for success, and how they sometimes set them up for failure. It’s hard to imagine, but Tim says he used to be an aggressive parent and Jamie admits she used to often end up the screaming parent. That was until they sat down and decided what type of parents they wanted to be. So what do you think it takes to make a good parent? I'll bet shame and control aren't on the list.
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When You Look At It That Way
Jamie’s world has been rocked by words of wisdom from Rachel Hollis once again. We all know life is hard and can really suck sometimes, but consider some of the bad times were placed in your life for the overall good? Sometimes we think the universe is working against us, but Jamie encourages us to look back with the mentality that, that was life doing good by us. You may just find it to be true more often than not.
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Woulda. Coulda. Shoulda.
Jamie’s guest today is a relationship coach, best selling author, and host of the Doing Divorce Right podcast. Jennifer Hurvitz and Jamie are two peas in a pod and once they get past showering each other in compliments they dive into some deep conversations. Join us as we cover everything from getting divorced vs. staying married to blending families and loving our children more than we hate our exes.
Check out Jennifer at...
https://m.facebook.com/jenniferhurvitzbiz/
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/doing-divorce-right-or-avoiding-it-altogether/id1393800908
https://www.instagram.com/jenniferhurvitzbiz/
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That’s Not Independence
How often, as a wife or mother, have you neglected your own needs to please your husband or children? Jamie says that used to be her, to a T. Not only was it not a healthy mindset, but it just wasn’t sustainable. Sooner or later it will catch up with you and you will breakdown; Jamie speaks from experience. Tune in to hear how she intentionally changed her mindset and what tool she's working on to help you shift yours.
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Letting Go Of The Security Blanket
Welcome to the first official episode of Just Do You, if you haven’t heard Creating Love Together has re-branded. Tim joins Jamie to share his perspective on their journey over the last 48 episodes. It’s no secret that Tim was Jamie’s security blanket, which your spouse should be a support in uncertain times, but Jamie has officially stepped into her power. Tim says he enjoyed the process of being what Jamie needed at the time, but he’s really enjoying watching his woman own it.
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Big Changes
The ‘Creating Love Together’ brand is retiring, but don’t worry we’re bringing you bigger and better things in its place. Jamie discusses how the vision has morphed over time and what you can expect with the new ‘Just Do You’ brand set to launch June 4th. Jamie is bringing us women so much more to help us lead our best lives. And while Tim will still be here to help round out relationship advice he also has a new podcast, Be The Man which made iTunes New and Noteworthy list just today!
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It’s Just A Moment
Is it a sucky life or just a sucky moment in life? Tim and Jamie say that is your choice to make. Challenges and pain are needed to grow, but when we avoid pain or settle into the challenges we stunt our own growth. Looking back on everything they have gone through in the past 6 months, Tim and Jamie say they would both do it all again because they wouldn’t be where they are now otherwise.
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You’re Not A Victim - Just Do You
How many women do you know that spend their whole girl’s night out complaining about their husbands or kids? Is that accomplishing anything other than wasting a perfectly good night out? Actually, it’s also strengthening your victim response. Life will always have its hardships, but we magnify what we focus on so why are we making our speed bumps larger than necessary. Jamie is challenging listeners to retrain their brains to seek out and focus on all we have to be grateful for.
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The Marriage Mindset
Today Tim and Jamie are joined by coach, motivational speaker and good friend, Gerritt Bake and his wife Melissa. Gerritt will be the first to admit that he made many mistakes in his marriage that nearly led him and Melissa to divorce, but ultimately he took ownership. Today Gerritt and Melissa open up about their struggles, the breakdown, the new mindset they had to adapt and the conscious efforts they now choose to put in every day.
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Ah Ha Moment - Just Do You
Jamie is coming at you solo with her very first episode of ‘Just Do You’, a podcast near and dear to her heart. Why are we, as women, worried more about what other people think than our own happiness? Jamie has vowed to be the woman she needed in her corner when she was younger, and she’s ready to do that through this project. Listen in as she explains how this idea came about and where she plans to take it.
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Babe, Just Do You
If you haven’t heard by now, Jamie has been working towards launching a new solo podcast, and she recently fell into a name for it. She knew she wanted a podcast aimed more at women and helping us all to live our best lives, not needing validation from outside sources. She was seeking that validation recently when she questioned whether her sex drive had become too much for Tim, to which he replied, “Babe, just do you”. So, today we announce that 'Just Do You' launches Tuesday the 14th!
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Your Kids + My Kids = Our Kids
Blended families are more common than ever, but that doesn’t make them any easier to navigate. When Jamie joined Match.com she wasn’t looking for the 40-year-old virgin, she knew odds were most men would have children. When Tim got matched with Jamie, her 4 kids didn’t scare him in the least. Today they discuss how, through trial and error, understanding and communication, they were able to blend their families.
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From Sh*t Can Grow A Beautiful Rose
Tim is laying on the compliments today, but Jamie deserves every single one. The couple is thrilled with the ride they’re on and are expecting great things. Today we’re talking about taking the hard road vs easy street. Are you doing all you can to improve your health, relationships or business? Are you coasting on good when you could be working at great? Tim and Jamie share their experiences while enjoying the view from their road of choice.
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Just Meet Me In The Middle
Do you know someone whose motto could be, “my way or the highway”? Jamie had to deal with this type of person and was left with a headache and wanting to know, how do you deal with these types of people. Sometimes it’s easier to completely concede in these situations, but doing so can be a very slippery slope. Today Tim and Jamie talk about the circle of influence vs circle of concern and the importance of boundaries.
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Balancing Each Other Out
Do you and your spouse work well together? For Jamie and Tim, starting a business together meant learning each other’s strengths and weaknesses and balancing each other out. Tim likes to dive in and get things done, Jamie has great attention to detail which takes more time. This could be a recipe for frustration, or it could be an opportunity to get further together than they ever could apart. Communication and commitment to a shared goal is the key.
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No Time Like The Present
Tim takes a moment to commend Jamie for really taking action in her life lately, which reminds her of a powerful message she wants to share with listeners. Have you ever found that sometimes the easiest person to flake on is yourself? Do you have big ideas for your life, but when it comes time to take action you find yourself saying, “I’ll start tomorrow”? It’s time to respect yourself enough to show up for yourself, consistently, until you have retrained your brain. Start today!
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Smells Like Teen Spirit
Being a parent to a teenager is a crazy time, helping them transition into adulthood, having them push back because they suddenly know it all. Have you ever had your teenager admit that you were right and they were wrong? Jamie got that call yesterday and is trying to not be too smug, reminding herself that she had to make that call before. Tim thought he had kept a step ahead through his continuous work with youth, but realized he’s not as hip as he thought when some new lingo stumps him.
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Trust The Process
In episode 29 of Creating Love Together, “Destroy The Lie”, you’ll recall Jamie was working on overcoming her negative thought process of ‘everything good gets taken away’. If you’ve ever had to battle your own negative thinking you know how hard it can be, but Jamie was all in, and then that good thing was taken away. Tim was worried this would reaffirm Jamie’s former beliefs, but she says it actually taught her a lot about trusting the process and allowing something even better to come along.
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I Have A Dream!
Jamie admits she wasn’t much of a dreamer, she didn’t allow herself to dream because she didn’t feel worthy. Then Tim came along to bust that bubble! The couple began dreaming together about their future, but Jamie was still hesitant to dream for herself, that is until Rachel Hollis started inspiring her. Now she is sharing her dreams with the world, some even Tim is hearing for the first time.
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Jamie Jumps On The Bandwagon
Jamie is fired up after finding the first self-help book that didn’t put her to sleep. Today we’re talking individual progression using prompts from ‘Girl, Stop Apologizing’ by best selling author, Rachel Hollis. Tim is ready to smash belief systems by looking at what excuses we use to hold ourselves back, what lies we still believe about ourselves and what dreams we’re afraid to pursue. You’re going to want to jump on this bandwagon!
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In To Me I See
Tim & Jamie are joined today by special guest, Intimacy Fitness Coach, Howard Kotlier. Stemming from his own experiences, Howard has a passion for helping couples rediscover their special connection, both outside the bedroom and in. Is your relationship clouded by blame, shame or anger caused by a lack of intimacy? The solution isn’t always as easy as trying a new position, though that is on the list, which is why Howard shares many ways to overcome a lack of intimacy or avoid it altogether.
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Jamie Messed Up My Life
Today on Creating Love Together, Tim and Jamie want to talk about the journey that led them to be the entrepreneurs they are today. Before they got together, Jamie was throwing herself into her job, trying to find her purpose outside of being Mom. Tim, on the other hand, was content in his double-wide trailer and thought he had already found his purpose working in a treatment center for boys. Together, they found a new passion and have been full steam ahead ever since.
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Please Forgive Me
Tim and Jamie would like to genuinely repent for losing the first take of this episode, but they accept responsibility for those technical difficulties and offer you take two as restitution. Today we’re talking apology languages; the way we tend to offer an apology and the way we need to receive an apology. If you’re not familiar with Gary Chapman's 5 Love Languages we suggest you head over to 5lovelanguages.com to learn yours (and your partners).
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Practice What We Preach
Jamie admits to cheating on their podcast with another, but her take-away from it is all good for Tim. Instead of jumping jacks or coffee to get them pumped up before their podcast, they decide they need to have sex. After that revelation, the pair turns to a topic brought up by an Instagram follower; emotional affairs. Social media has made this form of cheating all too easy and common. Have you ever felt yourself falling into this dangerous trap?
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Destroy The Lie
Tim and Jamie are just waiting for you to ask what they have been up to. Their days of couch-surfing and Air BnB living are coming to a close. After nearly settling on a home that was too small, they found their dream (rental) house and are on cloud 9. Jamie shares that she still struggles with worthiness and was in disbelief that they could have something so nice. Tim discusses ways we can all battle the lie that we are unworthy of good things.
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What Direction Do I Go
After Jaime finishes gushing about her new love for Instagram, the #creatinglovetogether couple set out to answer a question from a fan. The anonymous follower is reeling from her partner of 19 year’s confession that he has fallen out of love and wants to know how she can fix it. Tim and Jamie leave off the sugar-coating while still offering heartfelt advice on how to move forward while being true to your feelings.
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Tastefully Deep Part 2
Things get juicy as Tim and Jamie continue their discussion on what men say they DON’T want in bed. The answers to this question may take two episodes to cover, but don’t fear, they’re all reasonable and relatively easy to overcome. Join us in part two as Jamie shares a helpful app to explore with your partner and Tim gives us a history lesson on the missionary position.
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