Talkin' Sh*t

This week we got zen, and very real wit each other. Enjoy!

Suicide Squad is ironic because for my Squad, it actually prevented our group suicide! That's right, this movie is so brilliant it can stop angsty 20 year olds from murdering themselves because well let's face it, life do be a sticky tricky one sometimes (winking emoji). Anyway we loved this film and we're hungover, so we talk bout it, LESS GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (R.I.P Dababy's Music Career) 

We did shit this past week and now we talk about it. There's nothing funny I can say here really... I guess Bill Cosby is being released soon so... not funny but just a fact... Maybe I should go have a drink with him...

There's a little known place where we can go to get all the best news, all the best updates, all the best enjoyment and laughter. Join us in listening to an Onion tell us things and then cut itself to make us cry. 

Daaaaaaahhhh sh****t... I really wanted this to just be okay but tbh this film was just so bland it honestly reminded me of unsalted rice cakes. 

Nobody is a film. Bobby Ody goes punch punch kick punch shooty shooty pow bang boom! It's fun, and I like to be reminded I am still alive and can feel things :)

God we grew up so fast, and now to stave off midlife crisis' at the age of 20 we went back to simpler times and created a Dream Playground that we as kids would have bloody loved.

This show is good. This show is good. This show is gooood. PLEASE WATCH IT TO VALIDATE OUR OPINIONS AND SEND HELP, NOW THAT THE SHOW HAS ENDED MY COMA IS RETURNING NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.....

When you were too soon to watch Zack Snyder's new zombie movie (which kinda sucks anyway ngl) so you have to quickly think of something to talk about... MOVIE THEORIES! Why not I mean... what if Edward from Twilight was actually dying of aids rather than being a vampire? Think about it. He was sparkly...

This show is sooooooooo gooooooooood. God if I could replace life with this show then I wouldn't actually oh no because then evil intergalactic threats would kill me because for civilians at least this show's world seems a nightmare! But bro, what's life anyway if we can't get killed by evil intergalactic threats every once and a while ey? (Seriously though this show is so good I wanna marry it, please someone get ordained and help me with this thank you bye) 

We.... Love..... this..... MOVIE! Seriously I got no jokes rn, I legit didn't expect to love this movie so much but hey how the turn tables.... turn? I dunno, enjoy!

Zodiac Signs are a science. A real man's man of them all. To believe in such things is to be human. To be human is to be a part of the cosmos. And to be a part of the cosmos is to be a part of the Zodiac. What a load of Horse Shit. If you hate this kind of shit then listen along to us destroying everything about the Zodiac until it is left a pile of wilting bones in an empty field in Siberia. The End. 

OH HELLO THERE! Shrek is a lovely Ogre, but his musical is kinda DogWater so we had to break it to him and... he didn't take it very well...

What else is there to say? We answer some Would You Rathers. What do you want? A F*cking lesson in philosophy and human reasoning? Listen to the Episode and shut up.

Wow BuzzFeed, you're telling me my zodiac sign determines whether or not I may eventually have something vague happen to me this year because I prefer a T-Shirt over a Hoodie!? Well folks guess I'll start wearing more hoodies to stave off the horrible fortune's BuzzFeed bestows upon me. Wish me luck, BuzzFeed will never let me escape, I need help please... But maybe one more quiz?

Well kids it's finally here. The Snyder Cut! Was it worth the wait? Weeeeeeeelllllllllllllllllllll.... Look it's good but like maybe not actually because it's still a bit of a mess but like a tidier one and hey I liked it but also there were bits I didn't and just... AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH. Look we talk about it alright! Just listen and find out god... stop pestering me! 

SPOILERS 

Harry Potter sucks. Accept it. Lord of the Rings is better in every way. Prove me wrong... see you can't you have nothing. You aren't allowed to speak this is MY DESCRIPTION! Enjoy the video f*ck face :)

Rats have had a hard time these past few... well life. Sure, they carry diseases and people still hold a grudge for the whole, "Black Death" thing but honestly that was the fleas fault more than anyone else! The Rats suffered many losses too. It's time to put aside pride and start giving Rats jobs. At least that what Joe will try to tell you whilst I laugh in his face at the very idea of it. But maybe hear him out I guess? Also we review Ratatouille. 

Joe and I are quite the Romantics, just ask our girlfr.... oh wait no the left us. But jokes on them cuz based on these awful first date questions you nerds are asking each other, we're slightly better than you. If you've never gotten laid fear not, just do the exact opposite of this video/get the other person drunk enough, and maybe you'll get somewhere. Nerd.

Ryan Gosling is a simple man. A simple man with gigantic gorgeous eyes. Go ahead and look into them for a while if you wish. But don't look to close. Or before you know it your very soul will be sucked from your body, as the world becomes dark, and you see nothing... But Ryan.

This film's pretty good btw. 

It's been a long day, but we're not too sure where we've been. (doo doo doo). We've had good times. (doo doo doo). But remember this... Shaun of the Dead is a F*cking great film. We love it. You love it. Sit with us a while, get yourself some tea, and let's talk about it. We promise we didn't slip anything into that tea. You're just tired. Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....

High School Musical is actually okay. I hate myself believe me I really do but goddamnit I had a good time watching this awful film. But is it even awful then if I liked it? Sh*t. High School Musical got us trippin'. Listen along and laugh at the early 2000's with us. Cheers dudes.

SPOILERS START AT 31:24

In all seriousness Rest In Peace Kobe, we love you. But we also know you'd be cool with us joking about you and Killer Bean being the same person because BROOOOOOOOOO they share the same initials!!!! CASE CLOSED. We talk about this for approximately 15 seconds. Legit. But it was funny so here we go. We talk about the greatest movie of all time. All four of the bois are here. Enjoy 

Joe's back baby! With an all new operating system this Joe shouldn't have all the flaws of the old one. Also we talk about Scott Pilgrim which is a film you should watch right now. What do you mean you don't have Netflix? What are you, poor? Okay just this once I'll buy it you cuz you HAAAAAAAAVE to see this brilliant film. DM me for my paypal info, I'm sure non of you will abuse it.... Enjoy. 

Wrestling is like a sunflower, if you put it in a ring somebody's going to elbow drop it. And people will pay to watch. That's right, we love wrestling here at talking sh*t,  and you should too! Seriously it's great. If it's not your thing don't worry, let us brainwash you over the course of this episode! (Talking Sh*t is not responsible for any brainwashing or head trauma caused by listening to the show) And that goes for every week too, STOP TRYING TO SUE US YOU KNEW THE RISKS WHEN YOU WILLINGLY LISTENED TO A SHOW CALLED TALKING SH*T. Enjoy everybody. (R.I.P Joe... maybe?) 

Keanu Reeves once heard of a lil game called Cyberpunk 2077. He's been constantly spaffing ever since; even the horrible launch and continuous bugs and terrible optimisation can't make Keanu lose his erection. Bring some tissue with you into this one, it's about to start raining Reeves! Oh and we also review Cyberpunk 2077; that's also in this. 

SPOILERS START AT 38:05

The boys got sh*t faced!!!!! Star Wars is a wild beast and nerds like us have attempted to tame it for generations. Much like riding a mechanical bull the boys all drank their little hearts out and attempted to ride George Lucas' mind (not in the way his wife does you perverts) and I gotta say... we ultimately achieved nothing. Oh and I actually broke my glasses because of this. Don't drink and Star Wars kids. 

SPOILERS FOR ALL OF STAR WARS DURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Love Actually is a British Classic; loved by... well just me apparently, Joe thinks it's rather meh. And from that Meh-ness, a constant changing of subjects arose. This episode was a lot of fun, for us at least. If you like random yelling at each other about things that don't matter instead of staying on topic, get ready to have and absolute field day. If not, f*ck you.

SPOILERS THROUGHOUT

Wall-E was facing charges for public defecation and littering, but luckily Joe came along with his law degree (a suit and a briefcase with nothing in it) and went to town on the jury. Wall-E was found not guilty of those charges but instead guilty of being a Massive Legend! This is Joe's favourite animated film guys so do be nice to it. If you say anything bad about it the frozen head of Walt Disney himself will publicly slander you and call you a dickhead on twitter. So think twice before you mess with us.

SPOILERS THROUGHOUT CUZ WHO HASN'T SEEN THIS FILM COME ON! 

It took us seven long years to get here but my god we are here; watching Bong Joon Ho's Snowpiercer. It's been a hell of a journey. Dan climbed an entire mountain just to prove himself worthy of watching this film. Joe did something else, I don't know I wasn't there. Collectively the two over seven years have climbed... well it's still just the one mountain. But we have a friend who's climbed more than one so... I dunno... go ask him what it's like. Oh and this film is kinda good but shit it's a real mixed bag. Just like our climbing careers. Bet you wondered how in god's name I'd link that back to Snowpiercer ey? Well the answer is; Vaguely ;)

SPOILERS START AT  30:20 YOU 'AVE BEEN WARNED!

This is the end. Hold your breath and couuuunt, to ten. Feel the earth mooooove and then. Watch both Kissing Booth films to remind you there are things worse than death. Joe and Dan were doing good this week. They really were. The pills seemed to be working and neither had continued to be haunted by hallucinations of a naked Graham Norton doing the can can since they were prescribed the medication. But then they watched both Kissing Booth films. And all hell was broken loose. Graham Norton is now the least of their concerns....

SPOILERS ALL THE WAY THROUGH BUT HONESTLY WHO CARES IT'S F*CKING KISSING BOOTH FOR GOD SAKE 

CyberPunk 2077 being delayed had us crying all week like 'ittle wittle babies, so we watched Hot Fuzz to soften the pain. Needless to say it worked! I now have a stable home life and am finally kicking the drug addiction, and Joe has finally given up his obsession of going to Old People Bingo games and yelling BINGO after any number is read out; despite the fact that he never actually learned how to read. We are better people and are still growing each day, thank you Hot Fuzz, thank you. 

SPOILERS START AT 32:59

This week Joe and Dan are tired of Lockdown 2: Electric Boogaloo, and just need a good ol' fashioned Spiderman Movie Cheering up. So we watched Spider-Verse, the best animated film of all time (according to Dan). Does anyone actually read these at this point. Like could I just rant about the the guttering at my house for a paragraph and would anyone notice? Cuz seriously best quote we got was £650 to fill a few holes and unblock it; is it just me or is that a bit steep? Gotta pay it though, can't have the upstairs bathroom flooding. Enjoy the pod!

(SPOILERS START AT 27:22) 

Joe and Dan were low on ideas this week, then they realised Prisoners was still on Netflix and was an absolute banger! If you've never seen the film we talk non-spoilers first and will guilt trip you into watching it, but if you have seen it then listen to the whole thing and hear us fall in love with Jake Gyllen... I mean the film Prisoners all over again.

(SPOILERS START AT 28:07) 

A Tournament to end ALL TOURNAMENTS! Don't be so dramatic, we're just deciding the best Marvel Movie through an Elimination Tournament... Okay maybe it gets a little bit dramatic. Dan and Joe are joined by their good friend Chris (The most esteemiest of esteemed guests) as they argue over which Marvel Movie deserves the highest honour in the history of cinema; the approval of three random nerds. Sit back, Relax, and try not to judge our weird opinions too much. Enjoy!